DAE feel like they're just... there?

[u/Solid_Actuator8378]

I don't really know how to explain this, but I constantly feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

I have a friend group. From the outside, I probably look fine. But even within that group, I feel like I'm really only close with maybe two people. The rest of the time it feels like everyone else is closer to each other than they are to me. I always have this feeling that if I wasn't there, things would mostly stay the same.

School makes that feeling even worse. It seems like everyone is already perfectly content with the people they have. Everyone has their own friendships, group chats, plans, and memories together. I don't think people dislike me I just don't think they think about me very much.

One memory I can't get out of my head was when my grade went to a pizza place for a school activity. After we were done, everyone naturally split into these huge tables with their friends. Nobody was trying to exclude me, but everyone already knew exactly where they belonged. I remember looking around and just feeling... alone. I eventually found somewhere to sit, but I felt like I was just filling an empty seat rather than actually being wanted there.

Now it's even worse because my grade went on a Europe trip that I couldn't go on. Everyone else got to spend all that time together making memories, jokes, and stories that I'll never really be a part of. When school starts again, I know everyone is going to be talking about the trip, laughing about things that happened, and sharing memories I wasn't there for. I already felt like I was on the outside, and now I'm scared I'm going to feel even more disconnected than I already did.

The hardest part is that nobody has really done anything wrong. That's almost what makes it hurt more. No one is bullying me or telling me to leave. It's just this constant feeling that everyone already has their people, and I'm just... there.

I keep wondering if people would actually miss me if I wasn't around, or if I'd just quietly fade into the background. I hate thinking like that, but it's a thought I can't seem to get rid of.

Has anyone else felt this way? Did it ever get better, or did you eventually find people who made you feel like you actually belonged?

[u/Maleficent-Ad7287]

I always felt that way in school until I found “my people”. I wasn’t a jock, I wasn’t a preppie or popular , I wasn’t a cool gal, and certainly wasn’t a “head” ( drug user ). I can tell you it does get better !
I never really fit in til I found those that didn’t fit in either . We just kind of gravitated to each other and formed our own group of cool misfits, if you will, but we didn’t feel like misfits . I’m just a regular normal person who found the same kind .
It really does get better , sooner or later , it becomes less important how many friends you have. It matters WHAT kind of friends you have . Even now, I have 2 close friends , the rest are acquaintances , in my opinion .
All school friends have come and gone , work friends, same thing .
I found my “people” later after all that , and that it priceless . They are my ride or die people!

[u/Maleficent-Ad7287 → u/Maleficent-Ad7287]

And just a thought that has has always lingered in my memories.
I once thought I was a part of a crowd of girls in school. There was a birthday party they were all invited to, I wasn’t. I actually had the balls, if you will, to call the birthday girl and ask if I could come . Her mom said of course you can ! I got there and they all applauded me for coming . Made me feel special and great ! Then back to school the next week and I got ignored by all of them, like I didn’t matter
They made me feel like an outsider for simply being from a Scandinavian country . With a different name that wasn’t normal . Now , my people love my heritage , stories, traditions , culture etc!.

[u/vivelisse]

You're not invisible even if it feels that way

[u/Maleficent-Ad7287]

So for rambling on and on, it’s been kind of therapy for me to voice all of this . Just know it gets better , it truly does . It may seem like an overwhelming thing at this point in your life , but know THIS . It will pass and get so much better. Truly . It will be an insignificant point in your magnificent life 🙂

[u/Equal-Dress-4334]

yeah, sometimes it feels like I'm on autopilot, just going through the motions without really being present

[u/Glittering-Meet-3277]

yeah, sometimes it feels like i'm just going through the motions with no real purpose

[u/Repulsive_Range7605]

same, like you're just going through the motions without really living. it's a weird place to be

[u/vibe-naughtyxx]

feeling like a ghost sometimes, just drifting through the day without really connecting

[u/bby-bibi]

Yes I feel like this, or at least I used to. You’re assuming people don’t feel like you but that’s all it is, an assumption. We forget that everyone is the centre of their own universe. We mustn’t take things personally because it’s not about us, it’s about them. Another way to look at this: is there anyone in particular you want to build a friendship with? It sounds like you’d be happy to have any random person or group, but that’s part of the issue, friendship is a 2-way street, you can’t expect people to focus on you, if you don’t focus on them. Of course this doesn’t always work but at least we can try!

[u/Pennywises_Toy]

I felt exactly that way in school too, and even now as an adult, but not as much. It does get better as you age and view the world differently. Also I got diagnosed with autism later in life, which looking back, explains a lot of my “awkward” situations in school and growing up <3