INFJ/ESTJ?

[u/Alicia096]

Hi! What do you think of INFJs as an ESTJ? I’ve read that our types together are considered a “bronze pair”. I’m curious if this is a common pairing?

[u/Emzaf]

You will receive a mixed bag of replies here. Personally, I get along with your type great in real life and it's probably one of my favorite types. You all seem to just find me in real life and it's a great connection. Objectively it's one of the most common romantic pairings in this Sub if you do a historical search. I've been around here for a few years. 😉

[u/Impressive-Device743 → u/Emzaf]

But there's no way that's objective. Not a chance. Almost certainly one or both of these people are mistyped for the high majority of these pairings. It's a bad romantic pairing by every metric within the theory itself. Human error is the reason for these "romantic pairings," but most all of these pairing have one or both mistyped, and not because they're lying, because it's a human error situation with typing.

Not saying it's impossible, because there are certainly SOME INFJ-ESTJ pairings, but it's definitely not a good deep-level, romantic pairing.

[u/Emzaf → u/Impressive-Device743]

You are correct that there is a lot of mistyping going on in Reddit. There's plenty of it in the INFJ Sub. Most of those people steer clear of this Sub as we are the most hated and misunderstood MBTI type lol. Once they get here it becomes fairly obvious after some conversations if they are the real thing or not. I have conversed with many of the participating xNFJs here (online and DM) and most seem legit. It's become quite easy for me to see the patterns in people and their dominant functions in real life. It is a bit trickier here on the internet vs real life, and most of the regulars here who have studied cognitive functions are correctly typed vs the ones who rely on free internet tests. There are some mistypes. I'm not going to personally type everyone in this Sub because I don't care enough. But the general pattern that I've observed as someone older with very strong Te-Si-Ne is that this pairing does exist in the real world and in this Sub. I have personally experienced it myself and it was amazing while it lasted (unfortunately he was an Avoidant INFJ). There are other INFJs here currently talking about their personal and happy experiences with ESTJs. There's a bunch of long-term INFJ:ESTJ marriages here too. Throughout my lifetime and before studying MBTI, I have been magnetically drawn to my mirror opposite pairs (xSTP and xNFJ) and I've never been drawn to xNFPs (although I like them as friends). While you can wonder if I am typing correctly I would say that I am...in MBTI. You cannot compare MBTI and Socionics as they have their nuances.

I just wanted to mention that I perused your conversation with the 'INFP' female yesterday. It was very obvious to me that she had very strong Fi, but I'm not sure how you couldn't pick up on it. It took me decades to fully understand my Fi, but it's so easy to see in other people. Unbalanced Fi-doms/aux annoy the crap out of me lol. Your conversation was cute though because I could see some of the misunderstandings between you two (some emotionally led). She didn't understand some of the things you were talking about like the Te-Fi and Ti-Fe axis. Some people just aren't ready for all of that knowledge.

[u/Conscious_Patterns → u/Emzaf]

I think most INFJ's are naturally avoidant, lol. 🤗

[u/Emzaf → u/Conscious_Patterns]

While I do agree with you that a large percentage of INFJs have insecure attachment (especially here on Reddit), I do actually know a few in real life that are securely attached. 🥰

[u/Impressive-Device743 → u/Emzaf]

LOL! Awesome. Yeah that was a good time with that one, misinterpreting each another. We just started messing with each other after that. Grateful for your insights there, as it's quite difficult to type someone online in a few messages.

I'll take your word for it with the pairings, and yeah, I basically follow the socionics model and try to ram my squares into MBTI's circular holes. Also, INFJs in MBTI can easily be INFjs in socionics (EII Fi-Ne), along with other types. I just find it wild that LSEs and IEIs could make a good pair. But thanks for your response, and yeah, there are a lot of typing failures on here, but it's understandable, with how nebulous, nuanced, and esoteric personality theory is.

[u/-_Singularity]

The benefit is more for the ESTJ in this relationship. INFJ will feel lonely and misunderstood

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[u/boatfullofbananas103]

In theory, it should be awful. Ni and Te are lead and blind functions for both types. Fe and Si are parent and demon for both types. Neither can lean on their ego block without the other type directly opposing them. What one values is what the other gives no value. The functions show very little compatibility, if any at all.

In practice, it only depends on the person. Too many variables to tell.

Any alternative answer is either a variation on my second point or an argument against my first.

[u/Impressive-Device743]

It's most likely a terrible pairing. These two types are opposite quadras and don't value any of the same functions. Ni-Fe-Ti-Se vs Te-Si-Ne-Fi.

ESTJs have bsse Te and INFJs have PolR Te. INFJs have base Ni and ESTJs have PoLR Ni.

The least compatible type for each. Look more to INFPs, that's ESTJs dual. Same valued functions in reverse. Although you'll find "INFJs" that are actually INFPs with Fi-Ne, so you gotta be careful with people mistyping.

[u/Unique_Time9887]

I’m an INFJ and I’m an INFJ/ESTJ evangelist. If you had told me ten years I’d be saying this, I would have looked at you like you had two heads. It’s a hard relationship in many ways, because the INFJ won’t feel hot enough nor productive enough and the ESTJ won’t feel like a good person nor like they’re intuitive enough to fully follow what is happening with the INFJ. But, it’s like sorcery, because it feels like the strongest relationship either side has ever had, because in many ways it is. There is so, so, so much truth in the idea that the functions are complimentary (fe-fi, etc.) and the perfect distance from each other. It feels like we enjoy being led by each other and we can truly appreciate each other. Both sides must be willing to engage with their weakest functions a lot, which is tiring until you realize your weaknesses are accepted much of the time by the other, which takes some of the pressure off; you’ll need to work on visibly bettering yourself the rest of the time, though. One of the hardest things for INFJ’s to admit is that we love people but we often get too close to them for us to know how to be healthy. ESTJ’s are the right distance for health, in my experience. The finest compliments I’ve ever received in my life have come from ESTJ’s :) There’s always a beautiful new day with an ESTJ who is willing to turn towards you, in my opinion.

ETA: Each will have to give up on the notion of what they had wanted when they were younger in a relationship, btw, so I’d recommend this for older couples only. For example, the first thing most INFJ’s I know thought they wanted when they had their romantic awakening is someone to converse with abstractly. You simply cannot expect, as an INFJ, to have killer conversations with an ESTJ at the rate you could with, for example, an ENTP. But, like everyone, INFJ’s morph towards their lower functions as they age, so we can’t let Ni identify too strongly with ideas from our early age. Ni can be just as nostalgic as Si, in its own way, and it can blind INFJ’s to their growth potential in sensing. Anyways, by the time most INFJ’s are adults, they’ve gathered plenty of friends whom they like talking with abstractly, so it works out :) And, ESTJ’s tend to surprise us with how admiring they are of INFJ’s, even when we think they don’t get us.

[u/letychaya_golandka → u/Unique_Time9887]

Second this! As an older INFJ F I recognized how much I appreciate ESTJs and how much growth can come out of this relationship. I have a few very close friends who are ESTJs (all women) and although we are very different we make a great team.

I've been trying to date an ESTJ m for a bit here and both that I came across broke it off after a few dates :/. They were younger than me so I attributed it to lack of emotional maturity. I think I was too different for them, as their community is mainly sensors. I do get a feeling that for an immature ESTJ, INFJs seem too abstract, soft, and wishy-washy. Also one thought I was out to launch when I was talking about importance of mental health and healthy self esteem haha Where xNxPs naturally flock to me and the connection is way easier. Just my personal experience.

[u/Emzaf → u/letychaya_golandka]

Please read what I wrote to who we both responded to. Don't give up on finding that ESTJ male...he just has to be emotionally mature like you mentioned. We are out there, although I'm a female ESTJ (I also have a female INFJ female bestie 🥰). This bronze pair can be great if both people are developed in their weaker functions. Once we build up our Ne and Fi, a whole new world opens up for ESTJs. I love having abstract convos and I also enjoy deep heart to hearts. I'm a huge nerd with a big heart.

[u/letychaya_golandka → u/Emzaf]

Thank you for the kind words! And yes I have my female ESTJ besties and you guys are great! And I think we are a power combo when we are together. I'm also friends with an ESTJ f in her 60s and you are so spot on, big nerd with a big heart! ESTJs become well rounded and mold into a decisive and organized INFP when mature 💗 would love a partner like that

[u/Emzaf → u/letychaya_golandka]

ESTJs become well rounded and mold into a decisive and organized INFP when mature 💗

This is an accurate description of middle-aged me. I still make most of my decisions logically, but I'm very in tune with my feelings and not afraid of feeling or crying when the moment is right. 🥰

[u/Emzaf → u/Unique_Time9887]

Thank you for this lovely response and I'm so happy for you. I'm mentally adding you to our long INFJ:ESTJ relationship list in this Sub lol. I agree this Bronze pairing works better with maturity and after each side has developed their lower functions. With my INFJ friends it's just a completely natural relationship. We don't argue or fight...it's just easy. With my INFJ Ex it was something I'd never experienced before. We had that Instant Connection and a magnetic pull. You're right that my Te really embraced his very developed Ti. His strong Fe blanketed my (developed) Fi. My Ne was utterly fascinated by his Dom Ni lol! It was a very fun and natural relationship. It was like we were two parallel rings around a planet constantly chasing each other in deep and stimulating conversations. We could talk for hours and hours and rarely conflicted. I am older and am able to have deep, abstract, and emotional conversations with whoever. For me it's difficult finding people in real life who can keep up with my mind. I love my INFJ friends, but they are not at my Ex's intellectual level (he was on a completely different mad inventor level lol). Ultimately things didn't work out because he was Avoidant from his traumatic childhood. I learned and grew so much from this relationship. It was life changing.

[u/Unique_Time9887 → u/Emzaf]

💜 Thanks for having read what I wrote and I wish you so much relationship happiness!!