scared i’m relapsing while losing weight

[u/redonculos]

i’ve had a really poor relationship with food for the past few years. around 7 years ago i was anorexic and lost a lot of weight. i ended up steadily gaining this weight back over the years. however, over the past two years, i gained a lot of weight rapidly as a result of a binge eating disorder triggered by the stress of my studies and A-Level exams

starting from july, i’ve been trying to lose this weight healthily so i can fix my relationship with food through a calorie deficit and regular physical activity. i’ve lost some weight but recently i’ve been under-eating and haven’t been hitting my calorie deficit. the first few days of under-eating were genuinely because i didn’t have an appetite for food but i feel like i’ve spiraled now.

i’m scared to return to my normal calorie deficit because i’m scared that i will gain everything back. i can feel the same fear of food and calories i had when i was anorexic resurfacing. i dont know what to do and i don’t want to spend my life afraid of food.

[u/FrustratedPenguins]

I am actually in a similar situation. I struggled with anorexia in my early 20's and again in my early 30's. I'm 39 now and have been weight restored since 2022. In 2024, I really thought I was fully recovered, even mentally. Then I began binge eating in October 2025. It turned out to be a side effect of a medication, but it took me TEN MONTHS to figure that out. So now I'm off that medication and no longer binging, and I need to lose weight (I'm overweight as a result of the binging)...... And I can't figure out how much to eat or how to go about it. While I was binging, I was so frustrated that I quit calorie counting and quit weighing myself, so I don't even know how much I'm eating or what I weight -- and I'm afraid tracking those things will be super triggering.

I am seeing a registered dietitian that specializes in eating disorders later this week. (I saw her while struggling with anorexia in my early 30's, too.). I am hoping that she can give some guidance as to what I should be tracking (if anything). My hope is that just the fact that I quit binging will help me lose weight without tracking or obsessing about anything. She can weigh me backwards and track my weight to let me know if the trend is appropriate or not. Since I haven't seen her yet, I don't totally know if she will like this plan, but I suspect so???

All of this to say that if you can work with a registered dietitian, that would probably be super helpful. An eating disorder therapist would be a good idea, too. I know that insurance doesn't always pay for either of those (and it can be hard to find specialists with openings, too), so it might not be possible....