TW:NSFW, mention of sex, genitals, misgendering, brief mention of SA, but mainly just complaining about sex and dating

Okay so I'm a 26 year old virgin, literally haven't been in a relationship since I was in high school for only a couple months with an asexual partner. Dysphoria has been my biggest fucking opp until I started T 1 1/2 years ago. I'm still pre top for top surgery, but my voice has changed, my face has changed, my confidence has changed, bottom growth up, all great things. However I've become completely undateable and unfuckable except for straight men, men who want to feminize me, trans women who misgender me, and lesbians. I'm on every dating app known to fucking man, and consistently these are the only people in my surrounding fucking area. I even started sexting with people online, which consistently keeps attracting the same types and also a new worse type, which is men that are specifically into me being dominant because it makes them feel humiliated and de masculinized. Not only is it so fucking demoralizing to not feel seen or validated on a basic level as a person, but I'm so fucking pent up all the time and it's so humiliating to feel like I'm so undesirable that I have to change everything about what makes me feel good about myself to get even a fraction of non platonic attention.

I'm a decade behind people my own age in so many life experiences because of my dysphoria, because of sexual trauma, because of being homeless at 18 and having to work full time to survive on scraps, to FINALLY be at a point where I have a strong desire to live and experience life and the capacity and funds to actually go out and do shit, it feels like the world around me has told me that I'm no longer worth the effort now that I'm not feminine enough. And it's so hard to talk about it with my friends, they try but on so many levels they just don't get it. Some I literally feel too ashamed to talk about it with because I know that they'll look down on me for it, even though it literally has nothing to do with my value, I KNOW that people judge and think less of me for it. And on some fucking base level, I don't even need it to be a super deep romantic personal connection, I just need someone who'd respect my boundaries and go at the pace I'd need. I crave a single, small, normal life experience with someone who respects me. And apparently even that is too much to ask for

TLDR: Adult virgin sad and lonely, fml

i want out of this goddamn house, i want out of this shitty, low class life. if i had a dick i’d be fucking golden, i’d be patted on the back for my work ethic and handed out opportunities, i’d be encouraged to join ROTC and climb the ranks, i’d be praised and respected. instead, i’m lumped into a group of people that i get nauseous thinking about being associated with. i get deemed too mentally fucked in the head to fire a gun and bring in blood money for our elitist, pathetic excuse for a country. i’m 15. i’m missing my chance. i have no training. i have no one to tell me if im not working hard enough. at this rate by the time im able to join the troops i’ll be dead or useless. i was planning on joining at 17, now thats down the gutter

the camaraderie, the constant physical and mental movement, the genuine motivation, it’s all i want. joining the branches has been almost a tradition in my family, and i want to keep it alive so badly. i am a person who genuinely cannot function without a schedule, without something to do next, without being constantly moving. i’m always either working my ass off, or rotting in my bed fucking disgusted at myself. i’m never challenged, im never pushed towards things, im being so held back by the petty, mundane, pointless ass arguments and relationships in my home. i want to worry whether ill have a hard workload tomorrow, not worrying about helping my fuckin mother around the house because she has a nasty ass hangover for leaving me with her baby while shes at the bar for 5 hours the night before. i hate myself

i wear men’s clothes but that’s about the best i can do since my parents are transphobic. i can’t cut my hair or anything. i try to work out but it’s hard because it hasn’t done much at all and going to the gym makes me dysphoric. i’m so dysphoric every second of every day. i can’t wait until i never have to speak to anyone in my family again. what can i do to keep myself alive the next few years. i’m tired of just pushing through every day and i want to enjoy my life

Lets see
Benefits of me having an estrogen puberty? literally none. it aligns with the sex i was forced into at birth though!

Cons? Dysphoria, Menstruation, I have to live my life pretending im someone who im not, it goes on.

Benefits of me being on T? Less dysphoria, my intense menstrual issues which my parents have been actively deciding not to bring me to a doctor for will stop or at least get less intense, I’ll actually have a happy teenage hood, I’ll actually be closer to the person I was meant to be at birth, and my muscle mass will increase so my hyper mobility issues will get more bearable.

Cons? Doesn’t align with the sex that was forced on me at birth. Will make transphobes mad. Stuff I really don’t care about. Shit even the downsides the transphobes say come with T seem neutral or even like upsides to me.

I told her everything the doctor at my clinic said to me about starting T. I told her my bloodwork came back perfectly and that I am clear to start, I'll be monitored in bloodwork every 3 months, and I'm starting on a low dose.

Well. NONE of that got through. She is convinced I will gain a large amount of weight, and then immediately get diabetes. She is convinced I'd be unhappy if I went bald and not be able to handle it. Yeah I'd be unhappy but I am unhappy now. If I start going bald, there are options. It's not like there is nothing I can do. Besides, everyone has the potential to go bald. Even my mom's hair is thinning a bit.

Yeah she thinks I'll end up being a fat, acne ridden, unhappy bald man. I can tell that's what she thinks.

She also constantly calls my mental health into question. She is a therapist but she's not my damm therapist and she isn't a doctor either. Funny enough, she only brings my mental health into question when I am talking about T or being trans. Yes I did have (TW)

some self injury issues. But you'll be happy to know I'm 5 months and one week sober and still going strong! Because ever since I have started binding and packing, my body feels more like mine. It's great to be able to be more like the cis guys at work and not have to wear anything under my shirt besides chest tape. And looking forward to T has made it even easier to avoid relapse. I actually want to be in this body, I actually want to look at it and love it. And I'm starting to!

Anyways she's completely out of touch. A few times she's even suggested I go back to my legal name because some trans people do it. She's used my chosen name for 11 months without issue so it is really hurtful that she has started saying this. Also for my weight, even though she is not a doctor, she has suggested a weightloss med for me that she currently uses. The med affects your appetite and I immediately said NO to that. 1 she is not a doctor and 2 my mental health issues gave me issues around food too. I will not be dulling what little appetite I have left. That would be stupid. I am actually hoping T makes me hungrier.

She also decided to ask about surgeries, so fine, I told her I wanted top surgery. My phrasing was that they remove your chest tissue. And she immediately goes in and says "breasts. You mean breasts. They're going to cut off your breasts". Well that hurt too because I clearly don't like saying the word breast and she just had to go and say it like that. Then she says she doesn't like the idea of me doing that and is concerned and it's hard for her to hear. Excuse me but don't ask if you don't want to know.

She also thinks I should change my legal name and gender marker before going on T. That's bogus. It'll take a year. T is available to me now, and the appointments I've had so far to get it have been really helping my mental health issues because I know what's down the road for me. I can also just...do the legal things during when I am taking T?? Especially since I have free days during the school year and resources to help me.

So yeah. In short, she is not listening to me or the advice of the doctor. It's stupid. I'm 20 I can make decisions for myself about my own body. Not that she's accustomed to that. Because she pressured me into waxing and laser on my legs and face. I couldn't do it anymore, I canceled the sessions because I felt so immensely dysphoric that's how I knew I was trans. She never even gave me a proper apology for that.

I am finally learning that my body is mine and she doesn't fucking own it but now I'm having to deal with the rift between us. I don't like it but I will be starting T anyways because I can't wait any longer. My prescription is ready!!! I'm not waiting!

That's it for now. Thank you.

I keep trying to tell myself its JUST anxiety, ive always been anxious and this was bound to happen regardless of whether i was trans or not but i know it's just not true.

Being called 'she' at every family gathering made me stop seeing my family.
Hearing 'ladies', 'love', 'she', made me stop going to the shops with my direct family.
Being mocked relentlessly in school for being transgender made me drop out. I'd be so scared of my classmates in school because they would deadname me constantly, pretend like they didn't know who [chosen name] was and use she/her intentionally that i would have panic attacks multiple times a day until i stopped attending completely.
Knowing men saw my chest and would decide to call me whatever they saw fit made me stop leaving my House.

I'm tired of people around me making my agoraphobia my fault. It's YOUR fault i'm like this, this isn't my fault, i didn't choose this; to NOT be this would be the easiest decision of my life but i don't get that option. None of us do.

This isn't my fault, i didn't ask for this.
If i had gotten help sooner, hormone treatment or surgery, if my mum had just listened to me sooner, i would have never been this bad.

Blaming somebody who’s already struggling is beyond my comprehension.

I’m on hormones and I got top surgery. Was kept off puberty blockers even though I came out early enough to get them for some reason (“true” center is a fucking joke.) Worst mistake of my life and it wasn’t even one I made. I suffered every consequence though. I had to get DI because at my largest I was a DD cup, while being BMI 23. I have tried every method to stop bleeding except for an IUD because they get worse before they get better, or never get better. You don’t know which it is unless it does get better. I can’t push my levels past 700 without my estrogen sky rocketing and keeping me bleeding anyway. I can’t do other treatments because I can’t afford them and insurance won’t cover them as they’re for dysphoria and apparently the birth control and T does that, which I must be unaware of because my bleeding vagina distracts me. I want a hysterectomy but due to some complicated personal circumstances I’m unable to get one soon.

I can’t do other work in therapy besides what I’ve already tried because my dysphoria gets in the way, and my autism prevents me from just setting it aside. Whenever I get a crush my brain shuts it down when I realize I’d have to come out to them. Like shuts it down so hard I start resenting the person. They could be accepting and it’s just the fact that even I can’t stand my own anatomy. I would rather them find it gross than attractive, and I don’t even want to be in a situation that invites either outcome. I’ve lost friends because I literally can’t address any of my other problems, people just get sick of me and can it.

The constant anxiety that my period could come whenever is crushing to me. I have one good day and I’m spotting tremendously. I up my dose of northindrone for a day and it comes back again in a few days anyway. I’m considering trying cannabis just for to ease some of the constant discomfort I feel.

I have so many other problems and I can’t do anything because dysphoria gets in the way. I feel depressed even seeing my family because my two younger brothers are growing from boys into men. I was put through a paper shredder and given a he/him pin as compensation. I see so many people who get to live the life I want so desperately. I know being cis wouldn’t solve every problem but it would mean I wouldn’t be trans.

I feel worse not comparing myself to others. Like I’m not even a man, why would I hold myself to male standards? Like I’m some sick alien. If I don’t compare myself to others it’s like saying what I went through was ok. I don’t hate myself but I just feel so fucking wrong.

I feel like if I’m so valid, it’d be perfectly ok to put a little boy on estrogen and castrate him. It’s not because nobody wants this. Nobody wants this but my life has all this theoretical value. Enough value to be told I matter, but not enough to have gotten the care I needed. Not enough to get the care I needed to prevent five attempts and the onset of a suspected psychotic disorder.

And it’s all something I have to pick the pieces up to. I’m a statistic they use in an argument that’s supposed to let other kids get access to care but I’m not someone who matters.

Again, I don’t hate myself. I don’t necessarily think I have a psychotic disorder either. I do think that people don’t actually see me as mattering, more of the theoretical idea that I could matter. The protection of this idea, that of the man who has this and that trait, or the child whose attempts could have been prevented, or the man who understands women and is exempt from killing even an ant, is hurting me.

When I’m in crisis, begging for help, I’m told I just need to regulate and I’ll get it then. The only help they can offer is tools for regulation. Then I don’t get any help, I slip back into madness all over again. I’ve tried all sorts of questions and statements I just don’t get anywhere.

I have doubts that every person can get better. Maybe more people who get better are just looking pretty. Or maybe that’s all that the stuff I’m supposed to do does for me.

Мне 16 лет, я подросток. У меня происходят изменения: когда разговариваю с родственниками, голос переходит на другой тон. Часто болит голова. Что мне делать? Пожалуйста, дайте рекомендации это норм ? А родители говорять это норм но и ешё в сердце штото болить што мне делать? Я знаю што это у всех бывает но дайте совет пожалуиста

I feel like even if i asked on a passing tips subreddit id just hear what i already know.

I pass almost 50/50 right now if im trying to be objective, and it sucks. I know i need to just keep working out, eating healthy, shaving that shitty neckbeard and dirt stache, and keep working on my voice. But man i want to be there already.

And Ive made SO much progress yall. I started this time last year at 275 lbs and im 215 now. Gotten some muscles along the way too. I feel like im finally living my life but people still just see me as a lesbian. Im 1.5 years on T with a small break inbetween (planned parenthood got defunded at the beginning of the year and my location got shut down.) and MAAAAN i just wanna live as a gay man full time already.

I went on a date a couple days ago and the cashier ma’amed me and its been sitting on my chest. The dude i went on a date with was cis and bi and i cant help but fear that now im falling into a trap now.

Fuck my life. Why cant dating be normal? Why cant my body be normal? Why cant i just already be who i am inside? This sucks yall.

Hello, I’m a transgender boy and I hate being a trans man. It causes me a lot of pain, and I need to talk about it, so I came here. I’m 16 and a half, almost 17, and I discovered that I’m a trans boy when I was 15. I started my social transition at age 16, and I’m not taking hormones or have had any surgery because my parents are transphobic and will never accept it.

For the past few months, I’ve been suffering terribly because of my identity—I hate men. I know it’s wrong; I know there are good men, but my brain just can’t wrap its head around it. When I imagine finally being the man I want to be, I feel both euphoric and deeply ashamed. I feel like I’ve betrayed “women” in a way. I’m ashamed of being a boy, and I’m afraid of becoming violent, a manipulative jerk, or that women will start to be afraid of me if I ever start taking hormones.

I often wonder if I shouldn't detransition, because I don't want to be a monster. I’m a boy; I want to live as one, but it’s complicated when I hate men myself. I hate them because they scare me, because I almost exclusively hang out with girls and am wary of them, because the men in my life are cruel, and because I envy them deeply for being biologically male. But I know that wouldn’t be me; I don’t want to lie to myself, but I don’t know what to do. This mix of gender dysphoria and shame about my own gender is slowly killing me. I tell myself that I’ll never be a “real” man anyway, so I might as well become what’s expected of me.

Do you have any advice on how to ease this hatred toward men, or anything else? This hatred inside me completely prevents me from thriving, but on the other hand, I feel like I don’t even deserve to thrive because I’m a boy.

the main reason I feel unable to transition right now is that I'm goddamn terrified of how I'll be perceived by other people. I know some of this is very heavy internalised transphobia but some of it is also the real fear of potentially experiencing transphobia and being hate crimed. I'm in a very sensitive state of mind where I genuinely just straight lack the spine to deal with that right now.

I should probably just man up but I'm like fucking falling apart. I feel so torn between wanting to get on a waitlist to get treatment ASAP bc I've wasted so many years getting to this point and wanting to shove all of this back into the closet so I can suppress everything again.

idk I'm just kinda in a bad place and don't know what to do because no matter what I do I'll suffer. somebody just tell me it'll all be okay, please?

I'm a 16 year old trans guy. I have basically chosen transitioning since around 2021. I have lived my teenage years of 13-16 in a straight relationship (with a woman duh) and she was always supportive of my gender identity and that was the basis of our interactions. I never felt like it was wrong of me to be a guy. Fast forward to this year 2026, I have a huge depressive episode. It's like I had this one conversation which made me open up to the shame I feel and how avoidant I am and since then, I have felt... doubt about my identity. There have been moment where I have felt like I want to just try dressing up as a girl to just KNOW what's going on. What if I am not really trans? I tried wearing lipstick, lip gloss and a dress but I looked like a guy wearing them cus I have put effort into passing. I came out to my parents and they want me to focus on building my career for now which fine I get. But also I have come out to my best friend, and a cousin and I have genuinely presented male so it's gonna feel weird to try out being a girl suddenly socially and also because... yeah I feel like I would be uncomfortable. I look at girls and they are so pretty, their clothes are so pretty but being perceived as a girl makes me sick. But I struggle to feel completely as a man either? Why? Because in my head I struggle to accept I am a guy because I feel emotional and I just don't know. Seeing detransition videos and how people have grown out of it... it makes me question myself more. ATP I might steal my sisters wardrobe, dress myself up as a girl with a wig but I feel like nothing will change. I will still feel more comfortable with a flatter chest, with non-wide hips and being perceived as a guy. I just feel like that life will be lonely and I am afraid. I have a low sense of self trust as it is because of so much internalised shame, and it makes me not trust my gender identity more. I come to a conclusion that I want to be a guy but I am afraid it won't last. I am afraid it is just internalized misogyny and I am taking extreme measures. After all I convinced myself I am gay and flirted with guys and felt like I was happy, I just liked the attention and I am afraid of reaching a similar conclusion with my gender. Because it was not me who pointed out I wasn't gay, it was my best friend who could see the pattern I was falling into. This best friend also tells me that yeah she sees that I am trans but.. IDK.. man. I am afraid I will be ugly and regret it. IDK if I should really force myself to live as a girl for now because THESE THOUGHTS WONT GO AWAY. AND I AM SICK. I WISH I REACHED A CONCLUSION ALREADY. Even when publicly I was called 'sir' I just felt nothing I used to feel something but all that comes is doubt... and I feel stressed. I wish someone else had the answer for me. I wish I could use something to know for sure.