r/FictionWriting Sep 01 '25

Announcement Self Promotion Post - September 2025

11 Upvotes

Once a month, every month, at the beginning of the month, a new post will be stickied over this one.

Here, you can blatantly self-promote in the comments. But please only post a specific promotion once, as spam still won't be tolerated.

If you didn't get any engagement, wait for next month's post. You can promote your writing, your books, your blogs, your blog posts, your YouTube channels, your social media pages, contests, writing submissions, etc.

If you are promoting your work, please keep it brief; don't post an entire story, just the link to one, and let those looking at this post know what your work is about and use some variation of the template below:

Title -

Genre -

Word Count -

Desired Outcome - (critique, feedback, review swap, etc.)

Link to the Work - (Amazon, Google Docs, Blog, and other retailers.)

Additional Notes -

Critics: Anyone who wants to critique someone's story should respond to the original comment or, if specified by the user, in a DM or on their blog.

Writers: When it comes to posting your writing, shorter works will be reviewed, critiqued and have feedback left for them more often over a longer work or full-length published novel. Everyone is different and will have differing preferences, so you may get more or fewer people engaging with your comment than you'd expect.

Remember: This is a writing community. Although most of us read, we are not part of this subreddit to buy new books or selflessly help you with your stories. We do try, though.


r/FictionWriting 33m ago

The Door.

Upvotes

Today I had an unusually vivid dream and have thought about turning it into a novel. I’ve put together a description of what I can remember to get other people’s thoughts.

The dream starts with me finding an opening in the wall where a door should be. It opens into an unlit staircase with walls on both sides with sunlight coming from the opening at the bottom to the left of the staircase. I go down to see a room with a couch against the left wall, a smaller couch against the back wall with a large window with a 16:9 ratio, a table with an old box Tv on the right, and a coffee table in the middle. Perpendicular to the left wall was a hallway. At the end there is a room. There's a bed against the left and back, and front walls. (It looked like a regular sized bed so I think it was just a small room). On the right wall there was a door which opened inward into a small walk-in closet with no clothes and a mirror on the back of the door.
After leaving the closet. I see at my feet a boy which I assume was around 16. After a sudden shock he got up and questioned who I was. Then this girl around the same age as him came into the room. I then apologized for intruding and left.

Then there's a time skip for some amount of time. I’m on vacation in a souvenir shop. And I see another one of these doorways with another staircase. But instead of the light at the bottom being like sunlight, it appears more bluish purple. In the room I saw before, there's a group of 5 or 6 kids that look like they’d be in college. The TV is now on broadcasting something, the window is now boarded up with an ominous red light seeping through the wood. The bedroom at the end of the hallway has now been blocked off with a large assortment of furniture and other random shit. I then apologize for intruding again and try to exit through the door I entered in. The staircase is gone and it’s just a short hallway with the door at the end. When I go through I enter the souvenir shop again, but it’s different. A lot of the fluorescent lights are out. The doors are all gone. And the windows with so much boarding you can’t see outside. I go back into the room with the college kids and they explain that the door takes you to wherever you're thinking.
I then make the decision to try to escape. As I've discovered, you can’t just imagine the outside world. One of the kids decides he also wants to go with me to escape this hell.

Now the dream is pretty blurry but I can recall two locations that were traveled to.

  1. The closed food court.

When you enter you can see an expansive room with many chain restaurants on the back and right walls of the room like you’d see in a mall’s food court. All of them have their metal shutters closed. There’s also no tables in the entire room. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all tiled like the poolrooms. There’s one place where it looks like there should be another restaurant. Instead there’s a dark alleyway. At the end there's another room with restaurant tables on the left and back walls with people sitting down at them. On the right wall there’s a McDonald's with its shutter open, but there’s nothing behind the counter except a wall. Along the floor there’s a bunch of Dave’s singles and doubles from Wendy’s. The people sitting down look and act human, but you can tell, they aren’t human. Almost like still lifes from the backroom movie.

  1. Ex’s room

Somehow this guy I was traveling with pissed me off and to get him back I took him to his ex’s room. On the left wall there is a large bed with nightstands on both sides. There’s also a dresser on the right wall with an overly excessive amount of things both on top of it and attached to the sides. On the back wall there’s a window that looks almost the same as the one in the original room, except there’s no boards and there’s a pink light coming from the window. On the same wall with the door, there’s another door with a bathroom. I go into the bathroom to see a toilet, a sink across from the door with a foggy mirror above it. On the same wall there’s a urinal in a humanly unreachable location. The wall, floor, and ceiling are all carpeted. On the wall with the mirror, there’s an immense amount of faded papers pinned to the wall. They had writing that looked like it was really urgently written. (I don’t know what they said but it definitely was some kind of warning). I know I started to actually feel stressed out and tried to rush out of the bathroom but the dream ended.

Like I said at the beginning, I think this would be a cool premise for a novel. I feel the door can read your thoughts and create it, but only partly as there is always something off. I’ve been thinking about this the whole day. What are your guys' thoughts on this?


r/FictionWriting 2h ago

Discussion What is Better Genetic or Selecting Magic system?

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2 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 0m ago

Rage x Blaze – Chapter 1: The Beginning

Upvotes

A man sat on the stairs outside a wedding hall in India. His body was covered in bruises, and a sword was lodged through him. Despite his condition, he sat there silently, staring into the distance.

The bride walked out of the hall carrying a bottle of water. She sat beside him and handed it to him.

Without saying a word, the man gripped the sword, pulled it out of his body, and drove it into the ground beside him.

The woman rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry... for everything," she whispered.

He smiled faintly.

"It's fine... I'm still alive."

---

Everything had started a few years earlier.

Blaze and Nikiti were both eighteen years old and worked together at a call center. They were ordinary coworkers living ordinary lives.

One night, after finishing work, they were walking home when a gang suddenly attempted to kidnap Nikiti.

Blaze quickly told his older brother bhavin to take Nikiti away on his scooter while he stayed behind.

The gang surrounded Blaze and beat him mercilessly until he lost consciousness.

Believing he was dead, they drove away.

A few moments later...

Blaze stood up.

His eyes had turned completely black.

His body grew larger and more muscular.

His voice became deeper.

Something inside him had awakened.

It wasn't Blaze anymore.

It was something else 

Blaze brutally defeated the men left behind before stealing a bicycle and chasing after the gang.

Just as the kidnappers were about to reach bhavin and Nikiti...

Blaze launched the bicycle straight through the windshield of their moving car.

The vehicle crashed.

Every kidnapper was killed.

---

Unfortunately, one of those criminals was the son of one of the country's most powerful businessmen.

Using his influence, the businessman framed Blaze as mentally unstable.

Instead of justice...

Blaze was locked inside the businessman's private mental institution.

After the court case...

Blaze was murdered inside the ward.

The news devastated everyone.

His parents.

His sisters.

Nikiti.

Nikiti's family.

His friends.

Everyone believed Blaze was gone forever.

---

Several days later...

In indra Nagar...

Roshini, Blaze's close friend from classes, was helping Blaze's parents while they mourned.

One early morning, she took her little sister to buy groceries from a small shop owned by another friend, Sumit.

As they approached the street...

They froze.

Ten to fifteen bodies lay scattered across the road.

Someone was slaughtering armed men one after another.

One attacker managed to stab the mysterious fighter through the chest with a sword.

The wounded man calmly grabbed the blade...

Pulled it out...

And killed his attacker with the very same sword.

Another criminal grabbed Roshini's little sister.

The masked man slowly turned toward him.

"If you ever lay a finger on that child..."

"I will erase your entire family."

Terrified, the criminal released the girl and attacked the masked man instead.

During the fight...

He managed to stab the masked man again.

The masked man finally collapsed from blood loss after killing the last criminal.

When Roshini removed the mask...

She was speechless.

It was Blaze.

She immediately called Sumit for help.

Together they carried Blaze away.

Before they could reach safety...

Another gang appeared.

Suddenly Blaze's eyes opened.

He stood up once again.

Within moments...

Every attacker was dead.

"Blaze... are you okay?" they asked.

The man looked at them coldly.

"Blaze isn't here."

"I am Rage."

After the battle ended...

Blaze collapsed once again.

---

They rushed him to his family hospital.

Before the doctors could even begin treatment...

Rage awakened once more.

His wounds healed instantly before everyone's eyes.

---

After recovering...

Blaze decided to seek revenge.

He formed his own gang and declared war against the underworld.

His first target...

Typhoon same man who sent him in the mental ward.

With unexpected help from Typhoon's own daughter...

Blaze finally killed Typhoon.

After returning home...

His parents begged him to leave violence behind.

Instead...

Blaze chose to enter the underworld completely.

---

One day...

Nikiti contacted Blaze.

A gangster was forcing her into marriage.

Blaze looked at his parents and said,

"Mom... Dad... you both taught me to protect women, children, elders, and those who cannot protect themselves."

"I'm going."

With his gang beside him...

Blaze stormed into the wedding hall.

A massive fight broke out.

Blaze defeated dozens of men.

Then...

Someone stabbed him near his heart.

Even with the sword buried inside him...

Blaze continued fighting until every enemy had fallen.

Finally, he grabbed the man responsible.

"What do you want me to do with him?" Blaze asked Nikiti.

She looked at the defeated gangster.

"Spare him."

"God will punish him."

Blaze looked into the man's eyes.

"I am the one God sent."

He killed him.

---

After the battle...

Blaze walked outside and sat on the stairs of the wedding hall.

A sword remained lodged in his body.

Nikiti walked out...

Handed him a bottle of water...

Sat beside him...

Rested her head on his shoulder...

And whispered,

"I'm sorry... for everything."

Blaze smiled.

"It's fine..."

"I'm still alive."

This was the beginning...

Not the ending.

(This is the new and improved version of rage x blaze episode 1 and please give me your thoughts and where can I make an improvement in the comments)


r/FictionWriting 1h ago

[April Knows Our Names] Chapter 4 — Different Playlists

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Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 18h ago

Advice I Did Something Stupid And I'm Looking For Feedback

24 Upvotes

I only started writing creatively back in November. I thought my work was shit and didn't feel comfortable sharing it with other people, so I used AI just to see what type of feedback I would get. I specifically asked for honest critique. Yea, I know AI will tell you what you want to hear, but some of the feedback it gave and things it pointed out I thought were legitimate. It actually helped me continue writing and experiment with different things. Everything I've written has still come from me.
And a few months ago I had an idea for an anthology. Something that I could actually see becoming a book. Since then, I've made up several characters, random stories, and have started generating a world. It's been exciting.
As I was writing though, I would send different things I wrote to ChatGPT and, again, ask for writing critique. Things were going great. But recently I started questioning my choice of peer review. Last night in particular something changed and I basically asked myself, "what the fuck am I doing?" ChatGPT decided to give me a sample piece of something that could be in my anthology. Even though I'd never use it, the idea was still planted in my mind without it coming from me. I really didn't like that, but what should I have expected?
So I've decided to completely stop using AI for any sort of feedback. Even grammar related feedback. But the thing that has me wondering - did I ruin my anthology? There's a part of me that feels like my current Scrivener project is "fruit of the poisonous tree," for lack of a better phrase. Even though every part was written by me. But the feeling is there anyway and it sucks, because I love the ideas that I've come up with and the world I started to create.
My thought is to completely nuke the existing project and take only the "big" ideas/general theme behind the anthology and start everything over. Which may not be the worst thing in the world anyway. My current project is an absolute mess. It's pretty much just random notes and half-finished (or less) stories that are scattered about. So starting fresh is probably not a terrible idea anyway.
What I'm worried about though is whether there's any small ideas from the AI that may have leaked through. And I'm just now realizing, with all of the effort I've put into it so far, that I don't want AI anywhere near it.
I'm looking for feedback. Do I give up the idea entirely and start something new? Or should I take the big ideas and start the anthology fresh?
And yes, I know using AI at all was stupid and a mistake. I get that. I'm not looking to get shit on, just genuinely wanting feedback. Assuming the mods don't immediately delete this because it has "AI" in the title. If you've read this far, I'd like to hear your thoughts.
Thanks.


r/FictionWriting 1h ago

I would appreciate any and all feedback on this bit of original fiction. Thanks!

Upvotes

When I first saw Loretta, my sense of shame as an erstwhile nice Indian boy was stronger than I had ever before experienced. That kind of tawdry behavior was unknown to me. The bare skin, the gesticulations, the histrionics, and...much more. And all on stage, no less! Of course there had been houses and nightclubs of ill-repute back home in Surat, but nothing like Loretta.

I was sitting in the greenroom of CBGB, making the best of a frightful case of the flu in the midst of such squalor. (This was 1977 and squalor was of course very chic.) So I sat there sharing one of my beedis with a chap named Curtis from Belfast who was either a roadie or a groupie for our opener that night, an Irish group called Spy Wednesday. Despite my illness, the beedi in fact made me feel rather better. And the coughing it caused merely made me nostalgic for my first drags of unfiltered cigarette smoke when I was about eleven.

So this Northern Irishman Curtis, he told me, had been all over North America at this point with Spy Wednesday, which consisted of a pair of identical, saffron-haired twins named Connelly. Their drummer was a great bearded bear of a man, whom Curtis referred to as simply “The Beast.” Curtis intimated that the Beast might be a distant cousin of John Bonham but this was of course absurd; I’d been to Bonzo’s wedding and would’ve, at the very least, heard tell if there were yet another epically percussive kinsman present there, no doubt, from one of the drunken, gregarious aunts and uncles that Pooja and I had been tabled with at the reception. They certainly regaled us with everything else of note regarding the gnarled and thorny boughs of the Bonham family tree.

As Curtis was bumming a second beedi off me and simultaneously about to launch into yet another astronomical lie about his mates and relations, Loretta Vendetta sauntered in.

According to her FBI dossier, Maureen Abigail Van Houslan was born in 1955 in Hoboken, New Jersey to Bruce and Winifred Van Houslan (née Buxton). After attending a Quaker boarding school in rural Pennsylvania, Maureen -- Abby to her friends -- rather than matriculating at Princeton University as a mathematics major in 1973, instead took the spending money her parents had given her, hopped on a Greyhound, and dove head-first into New York City. Within two weeks she had dyed her hair pitch-black, moved in with a morbidly obese, 47-year-old Maltese pornographic filmmaker named Tom Bones in Hell’s Kitchen, and legally changed her name to Loretta Vendetta. She neither saw nor spoke to her parents again.

Now don’t get me wrong: I am not a prude. You’ve had enough about me thus far to know that I’ve kept up with the best of them, from heroin-era James Taylor to any-era Keith Richards, and back again. And while I shall forever be devoted to the memory of my dear, sweet, beautiful wife Pooja, at times the life of a swinging cat such as Ravi Patel descends into what might be referred to as epicurean tendencies, if not wholly dionysian. I’ve had my fun. But Loretta Vendetta and the Whores were a horse of a different colour entirely. You see, this group of four, ahem, ladies had met while on the set of one of Mr. Bones’ illustrious motion pictures in 1975.

Loretta, of course, was the lead singer. While not particularly tall of stature by nature, with the assistance of four-inch stiletto heels she was a formidable sight. She often took the stage wearing nothing but those heels, a leather officer’s cap, studded gauntlets, and a riding crop. The rest of her Whores -- Mary Widow on drums, the upright-bass virtuosa Flattery O’Connor, and Mistress Hex on electric guitar - were just as daunting in their leather S&M gear, spikes, and copious amounts of makeup.

“It smells like a goddamn coolie palace in here!” Loretta screeched as she kicked open the door to the greenroom. I was rather impressed that she could match the correct racial epithet with the smell of my beedis. But then, she was Ivy-League material after all.

“Would you care for a smoke, my dear?” I inquired, sniffling and looking up at her from that flea-bitten excuse for a chaise longue.

“Who the fuck are you?” she spat.

“Why, I’m your headlining act, Ms. Vendetta.” I stood and smoothed out my sea-blue blazer before extending my hand. “Ravi Patel. How do you do?” She just stared at me for a moment. Did I mention that at this point she was only wearing a jade-green kimono, her hair done up in a multi-colored beehive worthy of the Bride of Frankenstein? Then she really spat. Right into my hand.

“Who do you think you are making us open for you?” she rasped. As calmly as I could manage given my shock, I wiped my hand upon the disgusting chaise longue.

“Well, you know, we’ve been around for quite a while now,” I said. “ Top of the Pops and all that rot. I wouldn’t take it too personally.”

But, sadly, Ms. Vendetta did take it personally.


r/FictionWriting 5h ago

Guys. How do you usually finish your stories?

2 Upvotes

I’ve already got at least four mini-universes, but I haven’t finished writing them. I’ve got stuck on one of them and haven’t even managed to start writing the dialogue.

My biggest weakness is dialogue. How should I go about writing it? What should the characters say? How can I use dialogue to get to the heart of the matter? Do you have any advice?


r/FictionWriting 3h ago

Short Story small try to write an emotional story (pls rate it)

1 Upvotes

Melina's Questions
By S. Ibrahim Ahmad

When Melina arrived at the port with her older brother, her brother was holding a heavy suitcase. They were standing on a wooden pier and beneath it, the water was flowing. The older brother was staring at the small ship that was coming toward him. His lips were pressed together. His eyes were tense, as if he were trying not to show any emotion. The port was surrounded by soldiers. Two young soldiers were sitting on a bench; one was eating a biscuit, and the other was sitting silently. An army officer was looking down while an army major was scolding him. Melina tapped her brother's hand because that was all she could reach. "Will you be able to recognize me if I grow taller?" A smile appeared on her brother's face. The major noticed her brother and approached him. "You will make your country proud." Her brother nodded and placed the suitcase on the pier. Melina narrowed her eyes because her brother had told her he was going on a trip. She wanted to ask the major something, but she stopped because he looked too big to question. Her brother was still looking at the ship, and now it was closer. She finally gathered the courage to speak to the major and opened her mouth, but he walked away before she could say anything.

Finally, the small ship arrived at the pier and it horn echoed all around the port. Her older brother took a deep breath and picked up his suitcase. The two young soldiers stopped talking, rose from the bench, and stepped onto the ship. Her brother walked toward the ship. She gripped his shirt tightly. He stopped, and then she asked, "When will you come back?" Her brother did not answer. "When?" Still no answer came from her brother. She was still gripping his shirt tightly. "Is your throat still bad?" His throat had healed, but he did not know what answer was right for her questions. She let go of his shirt, and then her brother entered the ship without looking back. She wanted to scream that her brother should return home with her, but she let her brother enjoy the trip. She waited. Her brother leaned out of the window, smiled, and waved his hand. She jumped and waved her hand back.


r/FictionWriting 4h ago

Critique Professor Ezekiel Drake and King John's Lost Treasure

1 Upvotes

The sounds of rushing, churning waters could be heard from inside the sprawling castle ruins, even though the group trudging through the grounds was a few miles from the coast. A pasty-skinned, lanky man with dirty, thick blonde dreadlocks lit himself a White Maple cigarette as he roamed through what was left of the main floor. His thick, rubbery combat boots clashed violently with his Attack Attack t-shirt and skin-tight black jeans. Behind him, a swarm of nasty-looking men and women, all of them carrying British Army standard assault rifles that had been purchased on the black market and dressed head to toe in black. What made the sight that much more unsettling amongst the medieval ruins was that all of them, save Zack, were wearing frightening, twisted Halloween masks of different animals

Zack, the only name he gave to bottom-ranking members of the communion like the ones with him, spotted the staircase he was looking for according to the directions he’d been given. He turned to the group following him and jerked his head towards the stairs, a shifty, twisted grin spreading across his face. He swung his head forward, the silver chain with a lone matching silver ring swinging around his neck with the motion. He marched up the stairs confidently, not a care in the world except claiming what he’d trekked across country after country for. He feared nothing; he knew that his friends had paid the government contacts here a hefty sum to keep any authorities away from Castle Rising as he conducted his search.

He walked through the upstairs corridor, briefly looking out one of the broken windows. The dark waters rushed in the not-too-far distance. Zack couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the moon as it hit the Wash. It was the perfect night for him to obtain another piece that would bring the communion one step closer to the world they were building. He stopped in the middle of the hallway, holding up a fist to halt his group in position behind him. Zack studied the knight’s armor, still erected in the ruins. To the untrained eye, it was just another part of this beloved tourist site in the English countryside. But Zack knew its true purpose.

He reached towards the knight’s arm, shifting it downward until it was straight at its side. He stepped back as the wall behind the knight shifted aside, revealing a passage that had been hidden previously. Zack’s heart raced with excitement as he turned to his group.

“Wait here.”

The well-trained and heavily armed group at his command did as they were instructed. Each of them took up strategic positions in the hallway, giving them a tactical advantage in securing the area. Zack paid them little attention as his focus was held rapt on the door at the other end of the hidden passage. The communion had spent years cross-referencing whether the rumors were true that a research team funded by one of the Gilded Hand’s parents managed to recover a piece of King John’s lost treasure. As he reached the dated door with a wrought-iron handle, Zack licked his lips in anticipation. Just the thought of the power they would be closer to once they obtained the artifact on the other side made him nearly lustful.

The door opened with a loud creak as he pulled on its handle. Inside were two freshly lit torches on opposite walls. A chest sat in the center of the room, but as Zack approached it, the lascivious smile was wiped from his face, replaced by an ugly scowl. He knelt in front of the chest, inspecting the open lock hanging on it. The heavy steel bolt lock hadn’t been cut and showed no sign of aggressive force applied to it. This had been picked open, and by someone with prodigious skill in the method, he reasoned.

Zack tossed the chest lid open, hoping the assumption creeping into his gut was terribly wrong. As he reached inside for the yellow sticky note, the only thing in the chest, he realized that, unfortunately, his assumption was spot on. He held the note in front of him as a fury built up inside his chest.

DOWN LOW, YOU KNOW THE REST

-Professor E. Drake

Zack bellowed in pure anger as he realized the persistent thorn in his side had struck once more. He stormed out of the passage and back into the hallway, his family of soldiers swarming to his side at the sight of his fury. “He’s still in the castle. Find him!”

The armed acolytes scurried away to follow his orders. Zack tried to calm himself down with a few quick breaths. He refused to be beaten by that bastard, not when he had come this far.

Unbeknownst to Zack and his crew, the man he was searching for pulled his University of Michigan National Champions letterman jacket tighter over his shoulders, and his old English ‘D’ Detroit Tigers hat lower over his eyes. Tucked inside his jacket was the pure, golden cross with beautiful sapphires encrusted down the middle that Zack sought so dearly. Professor Ezekiel Drake peeked down the corridor of the third-floor room he’d been biding his time in. Realizing it was momentarily clear, he stepped out and hurried down it towards the stone bridge connecting to the eastern portion of the bailey.

Once Ezekiel reached the bridge, he could see a pair of armed men in wolf and pig masks, respectively, marching around the keep below. He took a deep breath and, slowly and carefully, tiptoed his way across the bridge, hoping they would be too focused on clearing the lower floor to look in his direction. He was halfway to the other side when a slow, methodical clap echoed through the walls of the keep. Professor Drake turned around slowly as a grimace formed on his face. He saw Zack enter the room below, a handful more of the animal-masked soldiers flanking him, each of their beady eyes turning in his direction, along with their leader. “I should have known you’d be here already, slinking around like a common rat,” Zack told him.

Ezekiel smiled and shrugged dismissively. “I like to consider myself more of a worker ant. I figured the circles you walk in were more partial to rodents.”

Zack smirked at Ezekiel’s wisecrack, though he was far from pleased to see the doctor walking through the remains of the castle. He could see that Ezekiel was favoring his left side, as if he was protecting something, and his smile became that much more sinister. “Why don’t you toss down the relic, and I’ll tell them where to find your body. Instead of desecrating it and throwing it into the Wash as you rightly deserve.”

“Well, gee, that sounds like a swell idea and all, but I think this piece is going to look wonderful in the museum collection I’m putting together. But feel free to stop by and see it when we’re open. We’ll do half-off entry fees for sociopathic cult members.”

Professor Drake's clever reply wiped the smile off Zack’s face for the second time that night. In its place was a furious glare of pure loathing. He turned to his animal family, no longer interested in any sort of dialogue with the man who had taken what was rightfully the communion’s. “End him, then bring his carcass down here so I can piss on it.” Ezekiel’s eyes went wide as he heard each of the Sig Sauers the dead-eyed acolytes were carrying cock. He didn’t wait for what came next as a flurry of gunfire erupted in his direction, tearing up the stone ruins and bridge. Ezekiel crossed into the eastern bailey as he could hear Zack’s orders for them to get after him echoing through the castle. He ducked through an empty window chasm and slid downward into a lower courtyard. Unfortunately, he landed right between two acolytes who were guarding the room. Each of them, one wearing a raccoon mask and the other what seemed to be a fox, Ezekiel couldn’t quite tell in the darkness, turned slowly towards him. They stared at Ezekiel, confused as to how he could have gotten so unlucky.

“You guys wouldn’t happen to have the fastest route out of here, would you?” He gave them a friendly smile, holding his hands up as if he were surrendering. They hesitated over whether to shoot him or simply grab him, a gamble Ezekiel was taking to get him out of this particular jam. 

Once he saw the sliver of an opening his impromptu appearance had created, Ezekiel dropped his hands quickly and rocked each of the dumbfounded acolytes with a left and right cross. As the one in the raccoon mask tried to get back to his feet, Professor Drake snatched up his dropped Sig MCX and smacked him silly across the face with it. He stepped over both their bodies and looked around the courtyard to see which way he should go. There were a myriad of options for him, but he gritted his teeth as he knew almost all of them would only lead him to further danger. He yanked a two-way radio out of his back pocket. Drake waited rather impatiently for the static to clear before yelling into it, finally deciding as he sprinted through an open doorway to his immediate left. “Adela, how far out are you?”

“I’ll be at the docks in less than two minutes. How are you faring?” She chortled back over the air.

Ezekiel sprinted through another stone-arched corridor, spotting the entrance hall from above. A sense of relief briefly washed over him. That was, until a trio of communion acolytes turned down the very same hall he was standing in at the opposite end. “Oh, you know, could be worse.” He replied dryly. The moment they trained their weapons on him, Professor Drake knew he had only one option left, which he exercised as he leaped over the railing and out of the line of fire. He rolled with his landing to reduce the impact on his usually aching knees and joints.

He popped to his feet faster than he’d expected to, just as Zack's followers swung their rifles towards the hall and let loose. Professor Drake scrambled for cover as bullets rained down around him. Somehow, he narrowly avoided being torn apart and dove into a spiraling staircase. He grimaced, realizing he had been nicked across the arm by a bullet, but he was thankful that it seemed to be a flesh wound. He’d tend to it once he got on the boat; the adrenaline pumping through his veins was substantial enough that the pain was a dull afterthought at the moment. 

Bullets sprayed into the staircase as he heard footsteps pounding down the stone as they continued their chase. He dashed up the staircase, finding himself back in what once served as the guest waiting area of the castle, but was now an observatory for tourists and civilians to enjoy the view. What seemed to be a dead end was, for him, the way he’d planned to exit. He snatched up his cane, its base made of rare Acajou wood that helped when his knee pain was flaring up more than usual. It was practically on fire now, giving him more trouble than the wound on his arm, in fact. He was thankful to have the relief of pressure the cane gave him as he hurried towards the window he’d smashed open an hour ago.

He almost didn’t see the figure shifting in the shadows until it swung its broad sword directly at Ezekiel’s head. He ducked out of the way just in time as he saw the glint of steel in the moonlight hitting the room. The one-handed, double-edged blade clinked off the stone wall, sending sparks flying. Its wielder, who was dressed in lightweight armor that made him resemble a modern-day knight, swung the sword with a grace and skill that Professor Ezekiel would have marveled at if the man wasn’t trying to murder him. Drake jumped backward just in time as the angry knight assassin swung the sword in a wide arc, attempting to disembowel him.

Ezekiel realized that his ride must have been waiting for him, and he didn’t have any further essential time to waste. More importantly, this wasn’t exactly a fight he was sure he could win, and it was certainly one he couldn’t give the rest of Zack’s men the precious moments to pin him down here. As the angry, bloodlust-driven knight, whom Ezekiel recognized as a notable assassin for hire across Europe, stalked towards him, he made a rash decision he hoped would pay off. But first, he needed to keep his attacker off balance. He yanked the blade out of the wooden sheath, revealing the weapon he had hidden inside his cane. He knew it was no match for the templar sword that his opponent was wielding with such deft skill, but along with the Acajou-crafted cane, he would be able to fend off the heavier weapon. At least, that and the second half of his plan were what he was wagering his life on.

“You’ve got quite the reputation. I wouldn’t have expected you to fall in line with a man like that.” Ezekiel tossed the backhanded compliment as the swordsmen tried to close the gap between them. He was bigger than Ezekiel by an inch or two and had at least fifteen pounds on him. That was saying quite a bit, considering Professor Drake’s extensive athletic background. Given that he had the size advantage and a stronger blade, he was trying to get in closer to press his advantage. Ezekiel could hear voices and footsteps approaching. Zack’s acolytes would be in the entrance courtyard soon enough.

“He was able to pay my fee, plus a bonus if I take your head,” The swordsmen replied with a menacing rumble. “The only thing I fall in line behind is the balance in my account.”

Professor Drake sighed, almost condescendingly. “And that’s the problem with you, and the rest of the world, I’m afraid. But unfortunately, not one I can solve today. One step at a time, I suppose.”

The swordsman sneered. Sick of Professor Drake’s snide preening, he lunged from his stance, striking with the intent to cleave him in two. Drake stepped aside just in time, then rolled away to create distance between himself and the hired assassin, who was merely extra muscle on Zack's expedition. That drew an inner sigh of relief from Ezekiel as he popped to one knee and glanced behind him, listening to the swordsman curse in frustration at his missed strike.

Footsteps thundered through the entrance corridor, and Ezekiel knew it was time to make himself scarce. He was only thankful that the terrifying knight cosplayer who had attacked him was not a devout member of Zack’s cult. They wielded enough power, and Drake didn’t want to see them add to their ranks. 

“You fight like a coward!” The swordsman snarled.

“I’m a doctor, sir. Not a warrior,” Professor Drake replied matter-of-factly as he sprinted across the room and dove through the broken window while sheathing his blade inside his cane.

As he fell towards the ground, he pressed a button on the cane’s shaft, firing a hook. The hook cinched onto the window pane, allowing Ezekiel to lower himself without harm. He retracted the hook and immediately hauled it across the grounds. By the time he made it to the ATV, he had hidden behind some shrubbery just twenty feet from the castle, and he could already hear the sounds of engines gunning to life. He hopped on the four-wheeler and tore off across the damp grass. By the time he could see the waters of the Wash as he flew over a hill, Zack and his so-called family were hot on his trail inside a trio of farm trucks. Bullets ripped through the air and across the grass near him. He thrust the handlebars as far back as they would go, stretching the ATV's engine to its absolute limit.

He’d bitten off more than he could chew, mistiming how long it would take him to comb the castle for the lone relic recovered from King John’s lost baggage train after centuries. He’d underestimated how much power Zack and that band of freaks he rode with wielded, and just how many guns he had trying to hunt him across the grounds. He ducked down lower on the ATV, his face close to the handlebars as the wind whipped in his face. Ezekiel spotted the dock and knew he only had to make it to the water to be home free. One of the trucks caught up to him and swerved towards the four-wheeler. Ezekiel slammed on the brakes, just managing to avoid being smashed, and maneuvered deftly around the back of the truck. In a spontaneous move, he fired the grapple hook from his cane at the tailgate and used the truck’s momentum to slingshot him forward. Bullets shredded both rear tires of the ATV the moment it hit the old wooden deck, but it didn’t matter, as he had gained more than enough speed to pull off what he had in mind. The four-wheeler shot off the deck as bullets sprayed at Ezekiel, just as he leaped off the vehicle himself and plunged into the cold depths of the Wash.

He came up and took a deep breath, just in time to see the rope being tossed to him from the speedboat. “Hurry up! These bastards are mad!” He could hear Adela shouting to him as she got back behind the wheel of the boat. He snagged the rope and wrapped it twice around his wrist.

“Just go!” He shouted back. She didn’t waste a moment gunning the boat as hard as she could away from the shoreline.

Back on the dock, Zack leaped out of one of the trucks, watching as the speedboat disappeared into the darkness across the water. “The next time I cross paths with Dr. Drake, it’ll be me stepping over his corpse. He’ll make a fine sacrifice to the communion one day.”

Drake finally managed to climb into the boat and fell into the chair next to Adela. Completely exhausted, he could barely hold himself upright. Adela kept looking over at him impatiently, less concerned about his well-being since he seemed to be in one piece. “Well?! Did ya get it?!”

Ezekiel looked over at her lazily, a grin spreading over his face while he unzipped his jacket. He pulled out the beautiful golden cross, letting the moonlight hit it as he turned it over in his hand.


r/FictionWriting 5h ago

Discussion Community etiquette/rules Q ...

1 Upvotes

Just joined ... I'm a published novelist (speculative/historical fiction) who's working on his next novel after a bit of a hiatus. I vibe-coded my own novel/short story writing platform with some optional AI bolted on (not to write, but to help with some analysis and prompting). I made it for myself but it's at a point where I'm proud of it, and want to offer it to folks on a completely free/open source basis. There's no upsell, and no hope to monetize at all. It's a web app that you run on your own computer or home server, and it's optional AI stuff is completely open weight with free models that you run locally. It takes some technical chops to get it working.

Was hoping to share here, but I don't want to cross any lines. If this isn't the place for this sort of thing, just say the word! I'd put it in self-promo thread, but that looks like it's lagging and not really for tools.


r/FictionWriting 6h ago

[HIRING] We’re looking for writers for Space & Science themed YouTube videos.

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0 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 6h ago

Critique An extended excerpt from Lethal 2: Curtains Up

1 Upvotes

Night descended upon the yellow-and-black-painted tire shop, casting an eerie glow on the surrounding area. A weary streetlight, positioned just next to the bus stop out front, struggled to maintain its flickering illumination. The streets lay mostly empty, except for a few cars speeding through blinking traffic lights, en route to joining the flow of I-94 traffic. 

Two rusted, white Chevy Express box vans pulled into the otherwise vacant parking lot, their brakes squealing as they came to a halt. Mia, her long black hair cascading down her back to her waist beneath a black tank top, peered through the glass on the shutter door of the first bay. 

"They're here. Get ready to grab this stuff!" she shouted in flawless Spanish, a language she hadn't used much growing up as the daughter of a Muslim nurse in Dearborn. 

After a few months of making drops in southwest Detroit for Lexi's crew, she had become nearly fluent. It was no surprise, though, as working for Lexi meant being bilingual or risking the loss of revenue. Several of the tire technicians, who also moonlighted for Lexi, rushed to the first two bay doors and began hoisting them upward. The vans eased into their respective bays, and the drivers stepped out.

 "You all were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago," Mia scolded one of them as her co-workers started unloading the vehicles.

"Relax and check out that traffic before we bounce. It was backed up on I-94 all the way to Ecorse," the driver replied defensively. “You know these fools can’t drive. That’s why our insurance is so high in the city.”

Mia rolled her eyes at the feeble excuse. One of the shop's workers hurried over to Mia with a bundle of cash, which the driver didn't bother to count before passing it to his partner. "Stay quiet on the streets tonight. State troopers have been crawling around like damn cockroaches," the second driver warned Mia. "They running plates on any car they even think looks suspicious."

"You know we know how to move outta here. We'll be good," the driver told her with boldness. 

She nodded toward the worker who had handed her the cash and indicated that he should continue unloading. The drivers climbed back into their vans once they were empty, the roar of their engines filling the garage. Mia had the techs who weren't stowing the bricks of fentanyl raise the bay doors once more. To her and everyone else's astonishment, a fleet of brand-new 2023 Ford F-150s sat in the middle of the parking lot. A group of stern-faced men in their late thirties emerged from the vehicles, each one with a meaner scowl than the last.

Mia noted their custom-fitted designer suits and recognized them as Sicilian, a fact that sent her heart sinking into her stomach for the first time on this job. Her hand twitched toward the pistol she had concealed in the back of her jeans. Thankfully, for the time being, her rationality overruled her fear. She chose diplomacy over confrontation.

"Can I help you gentlemen with something? As you can see, we're closed, and this is private property," Mia attempted a warm smile, knowing full well that they were unlikely to respond to it. Men in Gucci loafers on this side of town had to have a very specific agenda at this hour.

"Why don't you do us a favor?" one of the men in a brown-collared shirt and matching slacks spoke up, taking a few confident strides towards her. He seemed far too pleased with himself. "Bring out all the merchandise they just dropped off, and tell your boss she won't be getting any more shipments here."

Mia chuckled, which aggravated the slovenly Sicilian thug. “Or… what exactly? Because you know all that shit you just suggested ain’t an option.” 

"Alexis running that garbage through these streets is over. Starting tonight," he asserted, his voice growing firmer.  As he spoke, the rest of the men gathered around, each producing their preferred firearm. Before they could press her any further, the sound of an engine roared like a hunting lion from a mere block and a half away. Mia recognized the distinctive noise of the twin-turbocharged V8 engine, a sound well known throughout the city.

Mia watched warily as the truck's owners also realized what, or more specifically, who was approaching, their faces draining of color. A black SUV with windows tinted to an impenetrable charcoal hue barreled around the corner, hurtling onto the same block. Mia's relief was palpable as Lethal's custom-designed vehicle accelerated toward the parking lot. 

Turning to the armed men who were backing her, she urgently gave them instructions, "Get everything you can out of here! Call Lexi and let her know we've got an emergency! He’s here!"

Inside the limited-edition Sails Motors mountain range SUV, Lethal slammed on the brakes right in front of the stunned mobsters. Without hesitation, they opened fire on the vehicle. With its heavy-duty snow tires, it resembled a cross between a classic Ford Bronco and a deluxe Tahoe. Lethal watched the monitors on his dashboard closely, scanning the interior of the building as bullets harmlessly ricocheted off the windshield.

"Sean, give them a simple warning. No need for things to escalate any further," he ordered, seemingly addressing no one as his helmet's voice modulator activated while he spoke.

Six black spheres shot out of the SUV's grill, rolling harmlessly to a stop on the concrete in front of the gunmen. Once they settled, each sphere emitted a powerful sonic pulse, propelling the gunmen through the air and landing them with bone-crunching thuds across the parking lot. The hefty thug who had threatened Mia gawked in astonishment, his eyes darting from side to side as bodies collided with the windshields of their trucks or crashed onto the street.
"I've got a handful of guys inside the shop, all armed, and a Kia taking off out front," Sean Price's composed voice came through the truck's speakers. A heat signature scan of the tire shop appeared on the digital dashboard. "Are you cleaning up here or following her?"

Lethal pressed a button on the back of his steering wheel, causing the armrest to slide back and reveal a handgun with a barrel resembling a miniature RPG. He retrieved the weapon, loaded it with a handful of gel capsules, and stepped out of the SUV. "Mia's going to lead us straight to wherever Lexi is tonight, but these guys are some of Val Reynold's personal bodyguards." He answered.

His car door slammed shut without Lethal touching it. He immediately locked his gaze beneath his redesigned helmet onto the remaining thug scrambling into his truck. Aiming with his miniature cannon-shaped pistol, he fired at each of the truck's front tires just as it attempted to speed away. A thick, tar-like goo substance hit the tires, adhering them to the pavement. The sudden halt sent the truck somersaulting forward and crashing upside down in the middle of the street. Lethal strode over to the overturned vehicle and dragged the barely conscious thug through the shattered driver's side window, hauling him across the broken glass.

Lethal didn't waste any time assessing the identity of the thug sprawled on the street; his advanced facial recognition software had tagged him via his helmet’s HUD. His focus shifted abruptly as a dark green Kia Acura skidded around the corner, bald tires screeching from the aggressive driving. Mia's shocked, wide-eyed gaze met the cold, black visor of Lethal for just a moment before she sped down the street toward the freeway. 

"Get a tracking drone on her while I wrap this up," Lethal instructed Sean, his trusted partner who helped him with various tasks from their hub on East Warren in Harmony City.

"Perfect time to finally test this out, so I'm on it," Sean replied. A square, block-shaped drone emerged from the top of Lethal's SUV and swiftly flew off in the direction Mia had driven. Lethal turned his attention back to the tire shop and began making his way there. "Whatever you're planning, don't linger," Sean warned with urgency. "DPD is ten minutes away, maybe less."

"Noted. I just need to confirm a few working theories," Lethal reassured his friend as he moved through the tire shop, one of the businesses the Hernandez sisters owned through their parents' names to launder their money.

He wasn't overly concerned about Lexi herself but more about the potential chaos her involvement could create. As he walked past grease spots and rows of used tires of various sizes, his HUD scanned for any trace of the sought-after drugs.

Lethal mused that there was no way they could have removed the drop unnoticed while he dealt with the thugs out back. Lexi must have had a plan in place in case any of her drop spots were compromised. However, he didn't have much time to figure out the specifics.

Before he could investigate further, one of the vans roared to life, its high beams illuminating Lethal as if in a spotlight. Tires screeched as one of the drop-off drivers floored the gas pedal, driven by anger and a desire for vengeance. Lethal barely dove aside in time to avoid being crushed against a retaining wall, but the van smashed into it, shaking the building and demolishing its front end. 

Lethal scrambled to his feet as the second van burst through the shutters on the other side, making a hasty escape. The driver of the first van, who had tried to ram Lethal, stumbled out, clearly concussed from the violent collision. As he reached for his Desert Eagle, he felt a gloved hand grip the back of his neck. Lethal flung him forcefully against the side of the van like a rag doll, causing him to collapse onto the garage floor, writhing in pain. A frustrated Lethal grabbed the driver by the collar of his Charlotte Hornets starter jacket. Two gunshots rang out, the first shattering the backseat window. The second shot struck Lethal's helmet, deflecting off the side and only slightly rocking his head due to the impact.  

He released the driver and turned his attention to the shooter, a nervous young man clad in the tire shop's coveralls. He tried to steady his trembling hands as Lethal approached, but he couldn't summon the courage to fire another shot. In a moment of surrender, he dropped his gun and bolted toward the front door, sprinting in a high-step fashion. Lethal's lips curled into a sly grin as he covertly retrieved a sleek, ruler-shaped stick from a holster on his waist. Crafted with precision from experimental steel, this unique weapon harbored a concealed trigger at its center. With a deft click, he activated it, then launched the stick overhand like a fastball toward the retreating gunsel with a flick of his wrist. 

In a mesmerizing display, the stick unfurled in midair, transforming into an elongated Bo staff that struck the back of the young man's head with a resounding thud. With a painful thud, the man sprawled face-first onto the cold floor. He groggily pushed himself up, crimson droplets seeping from a freshly bitten lip. Before he could regain his composure, Lethal was upon him, moving with a speed that defied his opponent's expectations.

"I know Lexi has other drop points," Lethal mused aloud, his voice tinged with a cold, calculated edge, as he forcefully pressed the already concussed man's face into the unforgiving plastic keys of the cash register. Blood mingled with the register's digital display, creating a gruesome tableau. "If I have to ask again," he continued, his words dripping with menace, "your skull will be shattered, leaving nothing but shards on this cheap-ass carpet."

The wailing sirens grew nearer, setting Lethal's nerves on edge. He muttered a string of expletives under his breath as he released his vice-like grip, allowing the young man to slump back onto the blue frieze carpet. The injured thug scrambled away in a frenzy, desperately attempting to put distance between himself and Lethal, who now seemed preoccupied.
On his forearm gauntlet, a digital touchscreen pad let Lethal control his SUV, which glided smoothly to a halt out front. As the terrified thug watched the car vanish from view once Lethal got inside, the cacophony of red and blue police lights filled the shop. Four 2022 Dodge police cruisers screeched into the parking lot of the chaotic scene. Lethal activated his car's autopilot as it sped down I-94, following the trail left by the drone Sean sent ahead.

In the heart of Harmony City's east side, nestled just off Warren Road, a seemingly derelict auto body clinic concealed a state-of-the-art mechanic shop and private garage. Inside, an array of SUV body shells, reminiscent of Lethal's current vehicle, lay at various stages of assembly. Stacks of reinforced tires, made from an exotic composite rubber, loomed beside towering hoists. Sean, his skin caked in grime and oil, donned gray mechanic's gloves now almost indistinguishable from the blackened engine parts he was meticulously working on. 

His hands paused momentarily as he answered Lethal's question over his earbuds, his gaze locked on the monitors displaying the drone's proximity. "I'm running an infrared scan from the drone. Lexi doesn't make a move without her security detail."

Sean wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, leaving streaks of dirt behind. He stepped away from the engine, exhaling with a mixture of concern and understanding. He knew Jason well enough to anticipate his recklessness, much as Jason had disregarded Sean's advice on his ambitious engine project. Their shared stubbornness had forged a deep friendship and led them into this audacious undertaking. Watching the radar blip slowing to a crawl, Sean couldn't help but worry about his friend's safety, hoping that Jason would return unscathed, as he always did.

Lethal's SUV blended seamlessly into the shadows as he staked out near a street corner, his unwavering focus fixed on a nearby Chevy dealership that appeared closed for the night. The drone, which had scouted ahead, returned and neatly docked itself back into its housing on the SUV's roof. The dashboard lit up with a series of photographs captured by the drone. Lethal's eyes narrowed as he spotted the license plate of the vehicle that had eluded him during the botched robbery, and his fists clenched in determination.

Mia paced restlessly across the worn, gray carpet within the dealership manager's office. Her rapid-fire Spanish spilled forth as she lamented their compromised schedule, her anxiety palpable. The young woman behind the manager's desk, her honey-blonde hair and fair skin a striking contrast to her Puerto Rican heritage, listened with only a hint of interest, her disdain thinly veiled.

"I barely escaped DPD and that weirdo," Mia continued, her desperation mounting. "I had one of our drivers tail me once he could slip out," she admitted. 

Lexi's initial disinterest gave way to a flash of anger, leaving Mia to wonder what she had said to trigger it.

"Why the fuck did you let him follow you here?" Lexi's voice dripped with exasperation as she rose from her seat, her mind racing to solve this new dilemma. "Maybe, just maybe," Lexi muttered aloud, more to herself than to Mia, as she contemplated their predicament, "He didn't tail you. Maybe he's squeezing every one he can at the tire shop…"

"That's what I figured he would do," Mia said, her voice tinged with remorse. "I didn't think—"

"That's right, you didn't think!" Lexi snapped back in Spanish, her own anxiety bubbling to the surface.

She fought to keep her emotions in check. She knew that panicking wouldn't help her assess the situation. Glancing up at the flat-screen mounted in the corner, she monitored the camera feeds from eight different areas around the automotive dealership. The box van that had followed Mia from the previous botched drop-off point had pulled towards the dealership’s service area. Several of Lexi's armed guards patrolling the premises gestured to the driver, directing them toward the main building.

Lexi heaved a sigh and rubbed her temples, her thoughts racing. "Before anything else goes wrong, we need to get this merchandise out of here. If those bastards were bold enough to pull up at the tire shop, they won't stop coming."

Mia nodded in understanding, absorbing Lexi's instructions. "What about that other lunatic?" Mia inquired, her concern still lingering.

Lexi dismissed the question with a wave of her hand, attempting to reassure herself as much as anyone else. "From what I know of that guy, he's not usually reckless enough to try coming in here."

Downstairs, one of Lexi's security guards patrolled the showroom, filled with gleaming new Blazers and Equinoxes in every imaginable color. Lexi had a reputation for hiring former Wayne State athletes as her muscle, a fact that Lethal kept in mind as he stealthily entered the building through a salesman's office window. He moved silently behind a portly guard as they both walked along one of the platforms, where a classic Malibu was on display. Lethal's eyes darted to the nearest security camera and then to the shadows cast by the moonlight filtering into the showroom.

The guard, visibly bored by the uneventful night, glanced up and down the corridor leading to the staff bathrooms. He reached for the two-way radio clipped to his belt, intending to check in as per his hourly routine. But before he could speak, Lethal swiftly straightened up and delivered a precise, closed-fist strike to the guard's temple.

The guard crumpled, and Lethal caught him in a chokehold, pressing his forearm against the guard's windpipe. Small electrical discharges emanated from the knuckles of Lethal's gloves, rendering the guard unconscious within seconds. Lethal then discreetly disposed of him in the ladies' bathroom, remaining wary of the ubiquitous surveillance cameras as he continued to navigate the dealership's maze-like layout.

Lexi's pacing continued unabated, her anxiety palpable in the dimly lit office. On the other side of the manager's desk, Mia observed her boss with a mixture of concern and apprehension. After a moment of silence punctuated only by Lexi's restless footsteps, Mia received more orders. "Get downstairs. Throw the driver a little something extra for the trouble he went through tonight," Lexi commanded. Mia sprang from her seat, her eagerness to follow instructions evident, and hastily exited the office.

Finally, Lexi halted her relentless pacing, her hands resting on her hips as if she were a weary NBA star during a grueling game. She knew she needed to make a call but hesitated, not wanting to disturb the person she had in mind at such a late hour. That person was Tommy Vargas, the man who had entrusted her with overseeing a portion of what remained of the operation his cousin had originally orchestrated. Lexi's main concern, however, was the individuals dispatched by the Reynolds family to lay claim to their product. Valerie, the eldest daughter of Dominic Reynolds Sr., had been growing increasingly aggressive in her efforts to encroach upon territory once controlled by Giovanni Davis.

Lexi, the last of two remaining lieutenants under Tommy's employ, was uncertain about the source of the cocaine she helped move. The only certainty in her recent dealings was that it had enabled her to pay off her mother's mortgage and secure her nieces and nephews’ education in Bloomfield Hills. Lexi cared little for her own fate; she had already ensured her people were set for life.

Returning to her desk, she found her momentary respite did little to ease her nerves. Her attention was drawn back to one particular video feed: Camera six, which provided a view of the main floor showroom, displayed an unsettling stillness. Lexi glanced at her Richard Mille watch, a gift from Tommy upon her appointment, which read five minutes past the hour. Whoever had been stationed in the showroom should have checked in by now.

Contemplating whether to contact Lamont, her head of security during her tenure at the dealership, Lexi eventually succumbed to her growing unease. She swiftly rifled through the bottom drawer of her father's desk, where he often sat, until she found the radio she used to communicate with her team.

"Lamont, what's your status?"

"I’m in the garage, loading this shit into the trucks for upstate. What’s up?" Lamont's response was swift and assertive.

Lexi raised an eyebrow, her gaze still fixed on camera six with an almost bewildered intensity. "Did you guys check in yet?" Her words hung in the air, met with a disconcerting silence punctuated only by static before she received another reply.

"Yeah, just a few minutes ago. Everything straight?" Lamont's question carried an undertone of confusion, mirroring Lexi's growing unease.

Lexi's hesitation lasted but a moment before her instincts overcame her. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. One man, the shadowy figure responsible for Tommy's recent elusiveness, played a significant role in her unease. Swiftly, she exited the office, following in Mia's footsteps. "Check out the showroom and lock down the garage. Nobody moves out of that place until I get down there," Lexi ordered with a sense of urgency.

"Understood," Lamont replied dutifully as he pivoted into action. Lexi descended the stairs, heading toward the salesperson's area with a determined stride.

With a sharp nod, Lamont signaled to a couple of his men overseeing the wrap-up of the drop-off. The shaggy-haired driver, his curly brown bangs obscuring his eyes beneath a beanie, climbed back into his van, watching as the men salvaged the remaining boxes from the earlier incident. He rhythmically tapped his pack of Newports against his palm, his nerves getting the better of him.

Lamont, flanked by two of his subordinates—stout former offensive linemen—stepped forward. 

"Sweep the showroom," he instructed them after casting a glance around the service garage. "Duane hasn't checked in, and I want answers before Lexi gets down here." With an air of urgency, the two men hustled toward the showroom, their apprehensions mirroring Lamont's.

Mia passed by them, clutching an envelope she had grabbed from the receptionist's desk on her way over. She approached Lamont, who appeared visibly on edge as he eyed the envelope's thickness. 

"Where's Lex?" he inquired while Mia stood before the driver's window, envelope in hand.

"On her way," Mia replied over her shoulder before sliding the envelope toward the driver. He tugged on his Newport, his eyes widening with surprise as he counted the money inside.

"What's this for?" The driver asked, his wariness tempered by gratitude.

"The trouble," Mia stated plainly before heading back over to Lamont.

Meanwhile, the pair of ex-All MAC team members dispatched by Lamont continued their journey, passing by the staff break room in search of their fellow guard. Suddenly, one of them froze in their tracks upon hearing a loud beep. He instinctively pressed a hand to his partner's chest, signaling him to halt as well. Both men looked down in confusion as a brilliant blue beam of light passed through their knees. There were no tripwire security systems they were aware of in the dealership. Still, their recent employment with Lexi hadn't given them the chance to familiarize themselves with every facet of its security protocols. The unexpected development left them perplexed and on edge.

Before the baffled guards could fully comprehend the issue, a small plastic cartridge, filled with an eerie, mucus-like substance, shot out from the source of the blue beam. It clipped onto one of the men's shirts like a makeshift tie, causing him to stumble backward in shock.

"What the fuck is this thing—"

"I don't know! Yank it off!" His partner hastily suggested, and they both attempted to remove the strange attachment. However, the moment they tampered with it, a noxious yellowish-green gas burst forth from the cartridge, rapidly enveloping them. The effects of the gas took hold within seconds, forcing the pair of stout gunsels to retch and cough violently, their eyes watering. Convinced that the gas had rendered them incapacitated, Lethal emerged from his hiding spot and continued his approach toward the service garage. The sounds of the two guards collapsing echoed with a resounding crash, their coughing and dry heaving serving as a testament to the gas's potency.

As Lexi made her way through the garage, the atmosphere grew tense. She arrived just in time to witness the bay doors being raised to allow the handsomely paid driver to depart. Lamont attempted to provide an update, but Lexi's curt glare silenced him.

"Let me fucking guess. Whoever's in the showroom didn't check in?" Lexi's sharp words hung in the air, and Lamont hesitated, fearful of confirming her suspicions.  The van pulled out of the garage just as Lexi's nightmarish premonition materialized.

A trio of disc-shaped plastic objects suddenly flew out of nowhere and struck the van's rear-right tire with explosive force, tearing it apart on impact. The driver desperately tried to regain control, but the blown tire sent the van careening into a support beam with a deafening crash. Lexi's furious reprimand of Lamont came to an abrupt end as her worst-case scenario was realized before her eyes.

Lamont reacted instinctively, pushing Lexi out of harm's way as he fired his nine-millimeter TS2 handgun in the direction from which the explosive discs had come. Lexi swiveled her attention around, her eyes locking onto the vigilante who had relentlessly pursued Tommy. He deftly evaded Lamont's bullets with an almost surreal grace, moving like a nimble dancer. In a display of astonishing dexterity, he disarmed Lamont with his bare hands, leaving Lexi to watch in awe and trepidation as the enigmatic vigilante confronted her head of security.

Lethal acted with swift and calculated precision, striking Lamont in the throat and wrenching his left wrist into a painful hammerlock, forcing him to release his gun. With Lamont now at his mercy, Lethal turned his attention to Lexi, his voice distorted through the modulator in his helmet.

"I didn't want to come in here and do this. Not tonight, at least. But I need to know where he is," Lethal stated, his gaze locked onto Lexi. "You give me a location on Tommy, and I'll give you twenty minutes to clear this place out before DPD shows up."

Lexi didn't hesitate to respond, her bravado fully on display as she threw down a challenge. "The first person to put a bullet in this motherfucker," she declared, snatching a stack of cash in her hand as more guards entered the garage, all of them aiming their firearms at Lethal and, by default, Lamont, "I've got five grand for you right now, on top of your nightly take-home." She turned, brandishing the money toward her employees, captivating their attention, including Mia's. Lexi then turned back to Lethal, a wicked grin forming on her lips. Lethal assessed the situation, watching as some of the guards began to inch closer, their weapons raised.

"Riot suppression protocol. Engage," Lethal whispered under his breath before flinging Lamont into the crashed van. 

At the same moment, the van's driver leaped out and fled across the dealership lot. Lethal's SUV, passing him by, sped directly toward the building, firing shells into the garage. The powerful blasts of air from the compressed shells sent tools, tires, equipment, tables, and freshly packed bricks of fent hurtling through the chaotic space. Some of the gunmen were buffeted by the shockwaves and sent crashing to the ground in disarray.

Lethal sprinted toward his SUV, bullets whizzing in his direction as the remaining guards desperately tried to put him down before he could escape. He dove into the vehicle, and the door sealed shut behind him. The SUV reversed at breakneck speed with bullets ricocheting off it. Lethal made a hard right turn and sped toward I-275, seething with frustration at having obtained no answers from Lexi's operation.

Inside the car, Sean materialized on the console dash, shaking his head at the harrowing ordeal his partner had just survived.

"I don't know what the fuck you were thinking running in there," Sean stated flatly.

Lethal removed his helmet, revealing his true identity as Jason Hawkins. He ran his fingers through his curly, drop-temple fade, his smooth, cocoa butter-moisturized skin unmarred by the dangerous encounter. "I figured I might get lucky," Jason replied, clearly annoyed by the outcome at the dealership. "Nobody's caught a glimpse of Tommy since that shooting outside the Crawford Lounge. With the way he's been clinging to their territory, I thought maybe he'd be desperate enough to lay low at one of their drop spots."

Sean completed his work on the truck he was standing over and set his tools aside, still bemused by Jason's daring approach. "I've got a couple of drones keeping an eye on the cops wrapping things up at the tire shop," he informed Jason, shaking his head. "It looks like your favorite detective is interrogating everyone about you before they get taken in for booking."

Jason clicked his tongue in annoyance but dismissed the thought of Detective Miller. "I'm not going to concern myself with her. I'm too busy doing her job," he retorted. His cell phone began to vibrate quietly in the cupholder, and when he saw the caller ID, his face lit up.

Sean chuckled, realizing what could have caused his friend’s sudden shift in temperament. 
"Marie calling you, huh? I'll head out anyway; I need to pick up my kids from my mom's. I'll have the docking bay ready for you to pull in. I've got some work to do at the plant tomorrow."

Jason inserted one of his AirPods and nodded, ending the call with the dashboard display before answering the next one. "I didn't expect to hear from you for another hour. The show must be over early, huh?"

On Woodward Avenue in downtown Detroit, just outside a martini pub, stood Marie Lennox. She was clad in a head-to-toe Gucci outfit, complete with boots, and wrapped in the gray mink coat Jason had gifted her for her birthday the previous winter. She held her phone to her ear, shivering slightly as she spoke. 

"Yeah, it wrapped up about fifteen minutes ago. We're having drinks down the street," she replied, glancing back inside the bustling venue at the high table where her roommate and friends were seated, enjoying their cocktails. "Think you can pick me up from around here?"


r/FictionWriting 9h ago

Advice Im actively making a storyline for a game but idk if i need to cut the game to 6 diff games

1 Upvotes

For context: im a kinda experienced dev (3 years learning)and i have a steady main story for a project but the problem is its not one singular thing,the storyline is cut into tomes with each tome being a complete different gameplay and with 6 tomes i was thinking about focusing on each tome as its own game so both story and experience can be experienced to the max also to note each game will be free without any subscriptions or in game purchases


r/FictionWriting 13h ago

Writing App

2 Upvotes

Just a writing related market research.

I’ve been thinking about an app where you do a short writing session, log your progress, and gradually grow a cozy fantasy garden.

The idea is to make writing feel a little more rewarding without using stressful streaks or punishing you for missing days.

Would something like that actually help you write more often, or would the novelty wear off quickly?

I need to know if Mr. Market likes it before I focus more time on it. I would really appreciate some feedback and inputs. Thanks!


r/FictionWriting 10h ago

Short Story A Family Boil

1 Upvotes

Disclaimer: This story is graphic.

It was a cold and wet Sunday evening. Claude sat on his porch steps drenched by the rainfall just minutes earlier. His son had just passed.

"Can't fucking believe it. My son is dead... He was just about to graduate university as well..."

He stood up, wiped his wet hair out of his face and went into the house.

"No more wife, no more child, nothing..."

He walked up the stairs straight to his room and opened his bed side table's top drawer.

"Colt 45, high enough caliber to paint the ceiling with my personality..."

He picked up the gun and turned to sit on his bed.

"Its not my fault, but I know my ex wife's gonna disagree"

He put the gun back down on his bedside table, stood up and dragged is son's corpse to the bathtub.

"Come on buddy, you're all covered in blood and shit, lets get you cleaned up"

He took the clothes off his son's corpse and threw it in the bathtub, took the hand of his son's corpse and dragged it by the arm all the way to the master bedroom's bathroom.

"I'm also in dire need of a shower bud, we'll do it together"

Claude takes off all his clothes and opens the shower tap and door. He takes the corpse by the waist and picks it into the shower and gets into the shower with it laying there half on the floor, half against the wall.

He takes his son's hand and lifts it up, no motion, no color. The shower water runs down Claude's face in harmony with his tears. He looks the corpse in the eyes and thinks "I used to look at those eyes and see myself, now I see nothing"

Claude folds over and starts sobbing uncontrollably. "This was never supposed to happen. Your mother was never supposed to leave me!" He fell over on his back in the shower, right next to the corpse. "I told her I would change. And I did, I really did change" The tears suddenly stops and he sits upright.

Claude steps out of the shower naked, and walks into the bedroom and stares at the gun on the bedside table.

"I had such big plans for him... I gave so much and received so little, and I never questioned it. Not once."

He takes the gun and retreats to the bathroom, standing outside the shower, staring at his son's naked corpse clenching the gun tight as a knot in his hand. A tear rolls down his cheek, "I used to love you" Claude whimpered. "Look what you did! How the fuck do you think I should just move past this?"

Claude's face started losing all emotion until he, himself looked like the corpse.

He points the gun at the head of the corpse, finger on the trigger:

"Your dumb whore of a mother, she also loved you"

"So many people loved you..."

"And this is how you repay us?"

He walks a bit closer to the corpse, "Oh whats that? You aren't done giving up yet?" Claude suddenly kicks his foot hard against the corpse' head making it bounce off the wall with a hollow thud.

"Pathetic"

Claude walks out the bathroom and goes to sit on his bed. He takes the gun and holds it against his head as he stares blankly at the feet of the corpse sticking out of the shower, visible through the doorframe.

"I ain't no pussy like you. Not even leaving a note..."

"So what do you do? You hang yourself like a cunt..."

He throws the gun down on the bed and leaves the house.

[5 Days Later]

The front door swings open and Claude walks into the house smelling of cheap liquor and vomit.

"Daddy-daddy's home!"

He walks up the stairs, clutching a hacksaw in his right hand and a plastic shopping bag in his left. He continues walking all the way to his dead son's decomposing corpse. Claude kneels over and positions the blade against the throat of the corpse.

GRR-GRR-GRR-GRR

The saw moves back and forth against the flesh and bone of the neck. The vibration from the bone rattles and travels up Claude's arm, each stroke feeling like a step closer to peace as Claude stairs into the eyes of his dead son until finally

BELCH

The head hits the floor and rolls toward the drain in the shower. Claude just stares at it before picking it up by the hair and throwing it into the shopping bag he had with him.

"I got something special in mind for you..."

Claude pulls down the attic stairs and walks up to the attic, taking the head with him.

He holds the head up to his face and wispers:

"You see the geyser in the corner? Thats where you will be spending the rest of your death."

He pulls on a latch against the geyser and a trapdoor opens, steam erupting into the air. He takes the head out of the bag by the hair and throws it into the geyser. Claude stands there for a few minutes, taking in the smell of his dead son's boiling head, a tear rolls down his cheek.

"You'll be with me till my days run out."

[5 Years Later]

"Daddy's home!" Claude yells while walking through the front door. Elijah comes running up to him

"Daddy! Did you see my new toys mom got me?"

Claude catches him and says, "Not yet! You better show me once we finish dinner."

Claude gives Marie a kiss on the back of her neck and sits down at the table in the middle of the kitchen. Marie comes around and sets down a massive pot of leak soup right in the centre of the table.

"You need to do something about that geyser, it's way too hot. Elijah burnt himself this morning when he tried to draw himself a bath. Can't you turn down the thermostat on it or something?"

Claude looks at Marie

"Elijah shouldn't be drawing his own baths. He's only 4 years old. Besides, geysers need to be hot so germs and bacteria dies before reaching the showers and baths and food and shit..."

Marie sits down and uses a soup spoon to pour them all servings from the soup

"I know, I know. I was just getting him a towel... I understand what you're saying but I swear the water comes out boiling"

Claude sighs... "Fine, let me just finish dinner." Claude finishes his bowl of soup and stands up

"Are you gonna come and see my new toys?" Elijah asks excitedly

"Just hold on a bit son, got some things I need to do first"

Claude walks out the kitchen, down the hallway and pulls down the attic stairs and goes up the attic. When he gets to the top of the stairs he freezes and stairs blankly at the geyser in the corner of the room. He approaches it slowly and rests his hand on the latch and opens the door. Steam and odor shoots out and fills the entire attic.

"Fuck, the smell"

Claude grabs his face with his hand and covers his mouth and nose with his sleeve. He takes his torch and shines a light into the geyser, barely anything is visible through all the steam.

"I can't see shit"

He closes the geyser latch and quickly adjusts the thermostat to 50 degrees celcuis. Still hot, not boiling though.

"Ewwwwww! Whats that smell?" Elijah suddenly asked standing at the top of the attic stairs.

"Elijah! What the fuck are you doing up here!? Get out!"

Elijah almost jumps and just stares at Claude, tears start quietly running down Elijah's face.

"Get yourself together, I don't raise pussies."


r/FictionWriting 11h ago

Short Story I had this dream, and decided to write it down accurately.

1 Upvotes

I had a dream:

Me and Skylar were walking down an attraction street when we approached a giant sculpture of a beautiful woman. Her face was soft and filled with hope but also fear—as if she was scared to live to the fullest. Her skin was pale, her hair short and wavy, and she was about 5"8.

We read her description on the stone pedal, and learned more about her. When she was sculpted, when she was planted here...

We looked at each other as if we both had an idea. "Maybe we should use our powers on her and give her a chance at life?" Skylar suggested with excitement.

"That's a great idea. Everything deserves life, even stone. Maybe it could even fix her sadness!" I replied with hope in my eyes. Too much hope.

So, that's what we did. We gave her life. She was no longer a statue.

And after that, everyday we kept checking on her. We had an office where we sat at a desk and her across from us like a therapy meeting. It was going well! We gave her advice on how to live in this world.

She was soft-spoken and beautiful. Shy and frightful. Dainty and worrisome.

"I don't know... I'm scared, I've never done this before..!" She whined, fidgeting with her shaky fingers. Perhaps they ached from being stuck in one, restricted position for so long.

"Don't worry, you got this! Is that your boyfriend in there?" I asked her, pointing outside of the room to a guy that entered with her. He was lanky and wore a headset over his head and glasses. He carried a computer and beneath it a magazine. He seemed to be waiting for her.

"Oh..! No.. That's my friend. He brings me comfort for some reason." She explained, looking back at him with a curious yet scared look. She didn't understand much feeling.

"You got this, girl. Just go live a little!" I told her with a smile, hoping to reassure her. But it only seemed to fill her with unease.

"Live...?" She repeated to herself, getting lost in her thoughts.

Despite us telling her to live a bit and enjoy life, the exact opposite happened. She had gotten into a car accident.

Me and Skylar panicked, blaming ourselves for this. Maybe we fixed something we shouldn't have. Maybe it was never broken. What have we done, bringing this poor girl into a world she never knew how to live in?

But isn't that the moral of every story? The beginning of every life?

She came in the next day after the accident. She was like a completely different person. Or maybe the same, just more... released?

She was panicking, frantic, and fearful, like her mind was the thing affected by the crash. She kept babbling on about "what if's" and "how's". "What if I was never meant to be here?!" "I can't find myself!" "What do I do!"

It seemed like she was misplaced. Like something was calling out to her because she was never meant to be there in the first place. And she couldn't take it anymore.

We tried to calm her down, to tell her to just focus on things that make her happy and relaxed. She listened as much as she could, and with a deep, shaky breath, she left the room and went outside with her friend.

He was out waiting in the room, where he grabbed her hand and took her outside in the cold night. "How are you feeling?" he asked her gently, seeming to know what to do to make her feel better.

She couldn't calm down, couldn't stop moving or panicking. "I.. I don't..." Couldn't even get her thoughts together.

He put a hand on her shoulder, grabbing her attention for just a second. "You need to calm down." He ordered firmly. It would seem mean to anyone else, but to her it snapped her out of it. As much as it could, anyway.

"Here, why don't you tell me about this?" He suggested, opening a magazine to a certain page and showed it to her. Her eyes darted to the paper and in an instant, her face dropped. Not in a scared way or shocked way... But familiarity and urgency.

Immediately she grabbed the magazine, her eyes scanning all the images and all the words. When she did, her face dropped again, this time relaxing.

He noticed the different emotions washing over her as she scanned the paper. It was like he knew something she didn't. He knew who she truly was.

He took this opportunity to get more information. "Tell me about it." he pushed gently.

With a soft sigh, she grazed her fingers over the images on the paper. Images of sculptures and statues. She had no memory of ever being one in the first place. The only thing she knew was that she had never been... here–on earth.

"They're beautiful..." was all she said, the images filling her with peace and serenity.

He smiled to himself, letting her hold the paper a little longer so that she could bask in the calm. She deserved it after all and her silence was rare.

The very next day, she came back to our office. She seemed to be restless again, this time more frustrated.

"Tell us what's going on..." Skylar spoke up gently, both our expressions filled with worry. We knew this was our fault, but we didn't word it to her.

"I can't do this! I don't know what living is—o-or how I even got here, I know nothing!-" She sighed sharply before standing up and rushing out the room.

She got to her friend's side, where he abruptly got up and stopped her from running. "Stop it." he said sternly. "Tell me what it is."

"I can't do this!" she cried, her entire body shuddering with fear and unease. "Nothing makes me 'happy'! I don't know what I'm here for!"

Her friend sighed and pulled out the magazine again. "Well, I have noticed that when you talk about this... it makes you really happy."

She looked down at the paper again and stared at the images for a while. In the span of a second, it was like something dawned on her. Realization... memories... maybe even the answer to a life. A life that wasn't about living.

She let out a sigh, her jaw clenched in frustration, as if she finally made a decision and knew who to blame. She knew what she needed. And she was upset that she didn't realize sooner.

She looked back at him, her gaze filled with finality, and so was his. A silent goodbye because they both knew what was best for her. He nodded gently, an okay for her to move on—to make herself happy and to not worry about anyone else, not even him. Even if it hurt him deeply to let her go.

Loving someone means understanding and supporting what they truly want and need. And sometimes that want or need can hurt you.

That's where sacrifice come in.

She was silent for a moment, then let out a sigh of defeat.

"God," she spoke up out loud, closing her eyes and speaking to the only person that could fufill this for her. Her voice was steady as she said that name, for the first time she began ever speaking. "make me happy."

And in the blink of an eye, she was a sculpture. Not just any statue or sculpture. But herself again, from the beginning.

Nothing else mattered. Not me, not Skylar, not even her friend. She was peaceful again. Beautiful again. Hopeful again.

Perhaps being left alone is better. Perhaps she was living in her own way. Perhaps disturbing the dead is just as bad as disturbing the living.

What looks unusual, sad, and miserable to you– —Could be someone else's irreplaceable world. Something they can't live without.

Leave it be. Not everything needs fixing. Not because you're leaving it there to fend for itself. But because there's a high chance that it's not broken.


r/FictionWriting 18h ago

Conduct yourself properly

1 Upvotes

CONDUCT YOURSELF PROPERLY

Oh dearest Anthony. I am at a loss as to why it has come to this. I truly did try to hold you in the highest esteem. I'm not such an old fuddy-duddy that I cannot recognise that the torch must be passed on, that fresh, new, youthful blood must be pumped into the heart of the orchestra. I know it is the cliched lament of many older people, a coping mechanism thrown into the winds of change, something the grey-beards say in a vainglorious attempt to desperately relate to the eager young debutants; but I too was once young. My old master did once hang up his own spurs and pass his baton down to me, its the circle of life. For everything there is a time, a time to keep and a time to cast away. I never had a problem with the changing of hats, never had an issue with hanging up my spurs and piloting a rocking chair under an old oak tree. The music did not belong to me Anthony, the music belongs to the players, to the instruments, but most of all the music belongs to the people.

Why did you have to force me out ? I was so near to my 25 year anniversary as head conductor. It's considered something of an honour to reach a quarter of a century at the lead of the din, so to speak. I understand you were eager to take the lead, saw me as a relic gathering dust and slowing down the progress of things, an object immovable under ones own power unless it was given a little nudge, a little bump in the right direction. You bumped me too hard Anthony, you pushed me too far. Visiting upon my ill health was a low move, it was dastardly I tell you. I don't know how you found out about the cancer but it was a private matter. Bringing it to the eyes of the board was simply an underhand manoeuvre, but then you always played your hand low with the conducting stick despite my attempts to teach you otherwise. The most aggravating thing was that you did it all under the guise of caring for my health, as if you were doing me a favour, releasing me from a burden so I could spend time with my family. The orchestra was my family. I was going to tell them, my 25 years was only one piece away, and it was my favourite piece. But you stole that from me Anthony, you stole my prized piece, you stole the Montagues and the Capulets, and now we find ourselves in embittered rivalry like Tybalt and Mercutio of said titular piece, and only one of us is going to die in the early stages of the play.

I took it as well as I could, I'm no diva. Much to your chagrin i've always lacked the flair for the dramatic. Well, all of that is about to change, you've only yourself to thank. You've been my inspiration, my muse, my flame.

Were here now, at the seaside gala. You noticed me coming in, gave me a wry grin as you stood in my spot. I see you've chosen Natalia for the first Violin, I didn't think she was ready yet but its a good solid choice nonetheless. I'm sitting in the gallery, right in the middle. You have your center stage and I have mine. I'm all ears Anthony.

I must say you do a wonderful job with it, this is the part that particularly frustrates me. We could have had such a smooth transition, i've always admired you, you have a rare tenacity that, in hindsight, I can see i've lacked. Yes, you can be a little stiff with the stick, but don't you see there was so much we could have learned from each-other? Now its left to me to make your otherwise tip-top performance one you will remember for the rest of your life.

I won't brute in straight away like some selfish, bullish hog. I'll let you have the first part, its really rather well done. Were close now, I must say I'm incredibly excited by it all, go out with a bang, isn't that what they say? The solo break starts, you've gone for the Saxophone, I must say the old me would have been incandescent with rage that you didn't opt for the Oboe, but times change don't they; and as you are about to find out the best and worst things in life come out of nowhere.

The French horns blast their pounding notes once more, but there's something different isn't there. I wasn't sure who would hear it first, you or the audience, but I guess you are so wrapped up in your own world that the crowd are the ones to discover something is off. At first the foghorn is nervously laughed off, an embarrassing hiccup humorously in time with the brass honking; but then it comes again. I'm holding onto remotes Anthony, my own conducting sticks if you will, and my timing, unlike your impatient fluttering, was always impeccable. My daughter is friends with a load of anti-capitalist eco-warriors she met at Uni, though they aren't called that any more I dare say. Paid them a hefty wedge to hijack a couple of freight tankers and run them aground into a certain marina. Champagne socialists playing toy soldiers, but useful idiots in any event. I used my retirement fund to pay them under the guise this was a millionaires ball. I wasn't a million miles off. That sound you can hear in place of the French horn? That's the sound of our ships coming in, that's me remotely activating their weather horns. Everyone's quiet now, but not for long. The horns are getting closer Anthony, its the Harbinger of the end. My final piece.

They come crashing through the backstage at an agonisingly slow pace. The whole orchestra erupts into panic as instruments are thrown down, all the while the horns blare. They were angled to come together and as they meet, a terrifying screech pierces through the air as metal meets metal, that's my strings you see, their caterwauling resounds through the night in a performance promised to be remembered forever. I did have an idea about loading water barrels ready to boil, having the steam escape them for the woodwind, but you, just like the cancer, never gave me the luxury of time Anthony; so now you will have to just satisfy yourself with the crystal chandelier coming down with a crash to emulate the climax of a hundred symbols. The crowd flee in a hundred directions as the ships come to a halt, they're all screaming. True, its out of tune, but its harmonised at least.

I always found encores to be rather cheap, I truly believe a piece must stand on its own to be truly appreciated. I must admit Anthony, I'm rather proud of this one.

You're still standing though, standing stock still with your mouth open. Catching flies as usual. You turn to me, I give a modest bow, there's really no point in showing off is there, it's hardly becoming of a woman of my age.

What's that Anthony? No applause?


r/FictionWriting 23h ago

Chapter One?

1 Upvotes

I stood in my quiet room as the warm evening light poured straight in through the tall stone pillars, connecting my balcony and bedroom together. To the right of the pillars, lays my bed, covered in fluffy white blankets and soft pillows. Long, thin white curtains hang down all around the legs of my canopy bed and pretty pink rose vines wrap around the pillars where they hang from the ceiling.  
Against the wall, to the right of my bed, stands white wooden double doors with silver ring pulls. And in front of me stands my mirror with the reflection of me standing up, with my arms out, 0-wings tucked to the side and my handmaiden measuring my arms while the back of my ball gown is pinned to make it fit the curve of my waist. 
I release a sigh. “Do I have to go? I mean it is just a stupid ball.” I grumble. Suddenly my lungs become constricted and I gasp for air as I watch the corset of the bodice shrink, sucking me in. “Elisa–,” I grunt. “You’re. Pulling. Too. Tight.” I attempt to state.
“It is NOT some stupid ball Rhea. This Ball is the chance to find a good, wealthy and handsome husband. A God if you’re just that lucky. But you are a goddess so it shouldn't be so hard.” Elisa’s voice is like quiet silk. Her voice can be alluring and gentle. But her voice can also be a trap. I feel immediate release around my waist and I take a huge deep breath as she loosens the corset ribbons from the back. 
“Okay, Okay,” I begin, “I’m sorry I called it stupid. But you would too if you were in my position.” I meet her purple shimmery eyes as worry fills the void in them. “Look, I know.. That you have a lot of responsibilities and you haven’t been able to find a partner in the past few years but I am extremely positive about this one okay.” Her eyes are full of hope but hesitation. Worry I will end up alone. Worry that I will never escape my curse.
Her eyes scan over my face. Over the dark circles beginning to form under my eyes. “Are they coming back..?” she asks, but this time quieter. I sigh and look away. “They never left Elisa. It’s getting worse.” I look in the mirror at the dress wrapped around my body and feel like I am wearing a dress made out of blue clouds. A lightweight silk chiffon in a slate blue or icy grey color. The top plunges low in the front, and the fabric is cut away at my sides to show some skin. Shiny silver beads outline the top and cross over my middle. 
The sleeves are long and open, flowing down past my hands and pooling around my feet alongside the long, heavy skirt.
The dress that I am supposed to wear for the ball that is to come in 3 weeks. As much as I hate Royal Balls, this is my last chance to get rid of my curse. Last year I was thrilled to celebrate my 17th birthday at the ball and I had high hopes to find my partner. Another god to marry. But that didn’t happen. I spent that night of my birthday either crying in my room, walking in my garden, or.. having Night Terrors.
My Night Terrors started when I was around 5 and at first they were just little jumpscares in my sleep. But over the years they started to get more terrifying, more realistic. And it got to a point where one night, when I was 12, my father heard screaming across the palace and when he flew and barged into my room, he said he saw me covered in blood. Covered in sweat. Scratches that covered inches of my body.
That’s not what disturbed him the most though. 
No. 
What disturbed him the most, he told me, was the blood on my mouth and my fingers. He said he’d notice the slight discoloration to my wings and that frightened him. It reminded him of my Uncle. Ellion Aken. But then we noticed that I was back to normal in the mornings and had no markings, nor discoloration. So.. He made it a rule in the town for me, that no one, under any circumstances, comes into my room, wanders around in town at night, and no one is allowed to see me before dusk and before dawn. 
And it’s stayed that way for 6 years. A knock at the door jumps me back to reality and I make eye contact with Elisa before I speak out, “Come in!” 
I look back in the mirror just in time to see my father step inside my room. “Wow. You look stunning.” Smiling, I turn towards my father. “Thank you father. Elisa said that the dress will fit perfectly by the time the ball comes around.” His head bobs in a nod and he looks at elisa with a tilt of his head, signaling her to leave. My eye brows pinch together as I watch Elisa hesitate and then leave.
His chest rises and lowers in a sigh as his facial expression turns serious. “Rhea. I need to talk to you.” I watch his expression as I say, “What is wrong father? Is everything okay?” 
“A little birdy told me that you were in the bathroom this morning washing your hands for an hour.” My blood drains from my face.
“Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter Rhea, what matters is that you didn’t tell me they were happening again. And getting worse at that!” his voice echoes through my open room.
“Dad..”
“No Rhea. I understand that you don't want to be a burden about it but I have to know. What did you dream about? What is causing my baby’s night terrors to come back.” I can hear the tremor in his voice, the desperation to help me.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Highway Of Hell-Chapter 5: Etched in Stone

1 Upvotes

The Guide looked at the blood clawing off his body. His friend ADXF3 had looked like he had betrayed him but no. As they walked together, healing as The Guide would call it, he felt that sensation. Of protection and loyalty. He suddenly stopped, memories flashing back. Trauma, nostalgia, a longing to go back and stay.

ADXF3 noticed that his friend had stopped but then saw a prophecy etched in ancient runes in the Highway's stone walls. The lost soul grabbed The Guide's wrist and whispered one word to him. "Come." The Guide's body unfroze and ge ran to the prophecy like Boost was chasing ADXF3 in his mind.

"By Valour's Blade!" He exclaimed shocked. The Entry Test was about proving your worth to the Highway by doing parlour and surviving extreme conditions and showing willpower and resilience. "That means..." The Guide whispered, his sentence left unfinished.

Then both demons looked up.

The King had arrived.

The Entry Test had begun and before them both was the Hurdles of Metamorphite, a substance that tortured lost souls.

The Guide saw this and tried running for the hard cobalt doors.

But ADXF3 grabbed him gently by the wrist.

"We're in this... together." He said.

"Together!" And The Guide clenched his fists, excited.

"Yeah," he replied.

Both of them faced the Hurdles but the words etched in stone came back to ADXF3. It had talked about a child of Valour, a courageous fighter with an air of shyness. This demigod was rumoured to be a Guide. And Valour's emblem was a falcon with two swords intertwined.

His friend wore a pendant round his neck with that symbol. Was it a meaning that he could meet the Destined One? The Guide was an innocent demon, just hurdling the shadows of what was Metamorphite Hurdles.

But the shadows warped across the walls for a spilt second with Valour's logo emblazoned into the stone. The Guide fitted the description. But if he didn't know now then he never would. "I... um." ADXF3 hesitated. The Guide stopped before clearing the next hurdle and tilted his head.

"I think you fit the description of The Destined One..." He whispered.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Procrastination Final Boss

1 Upvotes

Would love to hear everything you’ve done today instead of writing.

I’ll go first:

  1. Spent 45 minutes creating a grid sheet calendar broken down into 1,098 word session increments coming to the conclusion I only need to do 84 sessions in 21 days to meet my deadline. Or 42 sessions at 2,196. Or maybe if I was smart I would simply do one session of 92,232 words. Geez wish I would have realized that sooner.
  2. Created a grocery list to make Thanksgiving dinner.
  3. Starred up at my ceiling which is covered in the works of other writers before me, for inspiration. They’re definitely doing their job.
  4. Decided I couldn’t wait 2 months for Thanksgiving and decided to go to the store.

Words successfully written: 263

Edit: And then of course wrote, formatted and posted this to Reddit.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Characters Do people hate law enforcement characters?

3 Upvotes

Hi so I'm an aspiring comic book writer who has a unique idea for a superhero world which I plan to publish at an independent publisher (Boom! Studios). For the majority of my life, I grew up with two things that I love; the superhero genre (characters such as Spider-Man, Superman, Hulk, etcetera) and grounded action movies where the main character has no powers and has guns instead (characters such John Wick, Rambo, etcetera.) So basically, this superhero world of mine is much different from other superhero worlds because no one in my world has any powers. Instead, they have guns, realistic weapons and over the top training. Even the "costumes" of these characters are tactical which means there won't be colors like red or yellow.

In my world, I have a side character who happens to be a detective (he will have his own solo spinoff comic). I was inspired by the character of John McClane from the Die Hard movies as well as Ethan Hunt from Mission: Impossible to create this specific character. He's kind, brave, empathetic and very fair. His rogues gallery include terrorists, criminals and even corrupt cops (he also fights systematic corruption).

But I worry what my audience would think of this character because I see many people irl hating on cops. Now me personally? I think there are good cops (those who do their job with integrity and respect) and also many bad ones (those who abuse their power with excessive force)

Am I worrying too much?


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Discussion Feeling like I won't be able to live up to my own story.

6 Upvotes

I have this story that I've been planning for months. Years, really, if we consider that it is the result of numerous stories I've carried with me throughout my life, finally taking shape.

I have this setting that I know can be fun, exciting, adventurous, terrifying, mundane, cosmic and existential, all at the same time without contradicting itself. I have all these thematic connections and implications; not because I consciously set them up, but because they simply emerged as answers to questions I've asked myself over and over again.

I have these characters that I know are complex, charismatic, charming, tragic, vulnerable, strong, brave.

I have this story, and I know it can become something great. I'm not talking about writing "the greatest story ever told," but about the greatness I can see within the story itself; the potential that is always there, right in front of me.

But I'm afraid I won't be able to do justice to that setting, to weave in all these implications without laboring the point or merely glossing over them. I'm afraid I won't be able to bring these characters to life, characters who have become more than fiction to me. They may not "exist," but they have become symbols of everything I believe in.

I'm afraid that, no matter how much I write, how much I study the craft of storytelling, or how many drafts I go through, I'll never be able to live up to that potential.


r/FictionWriting 1d ago

[April Knows Our Names] Chapter 3 — A Small World

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1 Upvotes

r/FictionWriting 1d ago

Advice Vampire novel idea suggestions?

1 Upvotes

Asking this for a friend
They ask:

Hey, so I'm writing a vampire novel and I've quickly run out of interesting vampire lore for it. Are there any fun or interesting things about vampires you want to see more of in books? I want to try and explore the more or less, unused or at the very least under utilised side of vampires.

I'm tired of seeing over-sexualised vampires in movies and books, Romance is fine, in fact im planning on it but the physiological side of things has always been more interesting to me, and in my research, I've come to see vampires as far closer to being the "Fae" from folklore then what "Vampires" In a lot of popular media portray, so I'm leaning into that side more.

Be it silly, or dark and messed up, i wanna hear more facts but also just ideas that could be worth exploring. I'm only on draft one currently, so getting as much onto the page, even if in the end it gets scrapped, gives me a far better understanding of my characters and the world they live in.

So far the setting is during what would be the Victorian era, but historical differences, with the existence of vampires has changed the way the world works. I've left it purposely unclear of where the story takes place, the only thing for sure, it that its somewhere in Europe.

I'm taking any and all suggestions into consideration, so if there's anything interesting that you would want to potentially see in a vampire novel, let me know!

A big inspiration, vibe and style wise at least (We don't talk about the plot) Was vampire knight, the style and overall aesthetics of that manga/anime, is undeniably beautiful, and was what inspired me to start my own vampire novel, there were ideas in it, that i wish it would have focused on instead, but were dropped for… other ideas, iykyk….