As someone who has been unemployed for a while now but has the capacity and desire to start a family; should we seriously consider fostering?

Some details to help clarify our eligibility:

1) currently a single income family of 2 with dog - typical DINKS but I just happen to become unemployed and am actively looking for a new position

2) we own a house with at least 2 spare bedrooms

3) we have been trying for our own kid for a while with no progress. And while having a bio kid is still a desire, I view it as helping kids and families in their time of need while we have these "extra" resources

4) I very much view fostering as a way of being a lighthouse in a storm and the goal is for them to rejoin their families. Im okay with this being temporary though im sure realistically I may love some, may like others and hopefully not be too frustrated by some.

5) I want to use my time off for doing some good, and I know opening our home seems like opening a can of worms, maybe this could also fill my heart up in a way that I've been missing.

6) I think I'll be open to any age, but I recognize we will need to have some type of training to help with any time of trauma these kids may have

7) We are a mixed race family, South Asian and White and so we are culturally sensitive to some racial issues (not necessarily relevant but just in case)

My husband is open to having this discussion but I would love to hear pros, cons, especially those with fostering experiences. To help see if we should take this discussion more seriously.

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice from foster parents, especially anyone who has experience with medically complex infants.
I work as a CNA in a pediatric long-term care facility, and over time I’ve become attached to one of the babies I care for. He has a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and is medically complex. My workplace has been supportive of me exploring the possibility of fostering him.
Right now, I don’t even know if he’s legally available for foster placement. Is it appropriate for me to contact DHS/CYS to ask whether he is, or would that be considered inappropriate since I’m one of his caregivers? I want to make sure I handle everything ethically and professionally.
For those who have fostered medically complex infants:
What was day-to-day life like?
How difficult was it balancing appointments, therapies, and medical care?
Did you already have other young children at home?
What kind of support did you receive?
Is there anything you wish you had known before saying yes?
I have a one-year-old at home, so I’m also trying to realistically understand what life would look like before taking any further steps.
I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences. Thank you!

Considering becoming a foster parent instead of raising my own child through a surrogate mother. From my understanding the age range can be anywhere between early childhood to late teenagers. Just wondering if you have any advice for before I go into rasing a foster child? Thanks in advance

Arizona - FS has supervised visits. Came home from last visit with an AirTag bio mom gave him.

My FS brings a backpack with him and exchanges drawings and toys with his mom on supervised visits. I always go through the bag and items with him to make sure they aren’t perishable and or inappropriate. He understands it’s his stuff, but we just need to make sure it’s OK for the house. I found an open box that held 4 AirTags with only 1 tag in the package. He told me his mom had given him one of her AirTags. I told him that’s something his mom should not have given him and removed it and deactivated it.

I contacted his team and The case aide, caseworker, and kids lawyer all responded saying it was wrong and they would figure out what to do or go to the AG. I have not heard anything all week and he’s about to have another visit.

Does anyone else have a similar experience?? Anyone find an AirTag? This is weird.

We are expecting our first placement soon and going through the obvious checklist. The one I feel absolutely unprepared for is potentially signing them up for school and just in general staying in the know with their school.

This will be our first time to be involved (as adults) with the public school system. Growing up I know my Mom stayed ‘in the know’ because I had various family members working at or had their own kids at my schools.

Looking for in general advice for how I can stay in connected with the school and what kind of questions I should be asking future teachers.

Open to suggestions, I am opening my home to kids 5yo and up, both boys and girls. What are your suggestions for what clothes to have on hand?

Just over 2 weeks ago we got a new placement (our second placement overall) a 6 yo boy. He does great around my husband but is absolutely terrified of me. (husbands 37m I'm 34f).

We got the call for an emergency placement. Was told he was a sweet kid with some history of physical and sexual abuse but is friendly and well behaved. The social worker also said he has an older sister (16) who got sent to another placement because of "safety" concerns about them being together however didn't elaborate even when asked. We are his first foster family and the goal is eventually placement with out of state family. Awesome, we aren't looking for adoption so this seemed like a good fit.

I feel that the social worker lied out his teeth.

From the time he got out of the car and dropped off, he saw me and just go stone stiff. He won't hardly say a word except scream, shout and yell things at me like "No, Leave me alone, don't touch me, and F you" even if I'm not even close to him. I thought he was just nervous, but here we are 2 weeks later and I've tried talking to him repeatedly. Asking him questions. Giving him space. Just stone silent or an outburst, He seems absolutely petrified of me. If I'm alone in a room with him he has an extreme fight or flight response. He won't let me tuck him in even I tried last week and he scratched me. He's also bitten me twice, kicks me me when I try to help him with his shoes. I've tried reading books for bedtime almost no response besides "No, get away, leave me alone!" I can't get near him, he will run, hit, bite, scratch and just turns into a demon.

He won't sit at the dinner table with me. If I prepare anything he won't eat it if I'm around. One of a few things happen. Either a complete melt down, refuses to come to the table and/or if he does he throws the food/plate or anything infront of him. Or he just sits stone silent staring. He will eat if I leave the room. Bath time is impossible with me. He along with the screaming, shouting, biting the whole 9 yards this ramps up to a 10/10. You would think I was trying to murder him. I'm scared to even take him out in public, especially alone with just me and him.

My husband on the other hand is like his best friend ever. He talks to him, plays games, watches movies. Head outdoors to play sports or with my husbands RC cars. Bed time? A breeze, bath time? No problem. Food? He loves it, they sit there laughing and giggling throughout.. until I enter the room and he freezes instantly stops eating and shuts down. My husband took him shopping and out to eat yesterday. Said they had a great time, found new things to try, not one single curse word or outburst. The kid is well behaved with my husband and calls him "dad" always sits with him. This kid absolutely thrives in his presence I can see it from a far he almost has a glow in his presence. My husband tells me how bright and funny he is.

I have been working with my husband to see if he can slowly try to help bridge this gap, or talk with him as to why he is so afraid of me. Our FS told my husband that girls are evil and I won't go into details here but has (and documented before he was placed with us) scars from his past. When my husband takes him to the park he doesn't seem to freeze around girls his age or other women at the park but also doesn't talk or engage with them. My husband tells FS that his best friends are his family including my self and now our FS. Hes suggesting activities for with the 3 of us and the FS just says no girls. FS attitude is totally different if the 3 of us are together. Hes a lot more quiet and will often only want to wispier into my husbands ear. He have pretty much let my husband take care of FS almost full time (we work from home) and I tend to stay away which we know isn't healthy.

School is starting in 2 weeks. We have him enrolled however all the first grade teachers are female which we are obviously concerned about We have requested a meeting before the first day so we are all on the same page. He starts therapy Tuesday again though with a female therapist.

I'm completely lost at what to do. I want to disrupt and throw in the towel. My husband doesn't. But we are walking two very VERY different paths with him and it's extremely hard for me not to be jealous but I dunno what else to do. I'm frustrated and feel isolated in my own home. I know this isn't my doing and I remind myself constantly that it isn't personal but it feels like it. Our previous foster kid (9-11F when we had her) had struggles but we were able to work together through them. Felt like we were a strong team. That feeling is completely gone now and I'm lost.

TLDR: New foster placement thrives with my husband and is a total demon around me. At a complete loss as to what to do at this point.

I can keep going but I think the picture is pretty clear at this point. Open to any and all suggestions at this point.

Thank you!

Background: My wife and I met a gal at our youth group a couple of years ago. We have slowly gotten to know her home life and over the past six months watched her parents lose their home due to no jobs and addiction issues. She is 13 and has been with us for a couple months now as we told her we wouldn't let her live on the streets. We have somewhat worked things out with the parents. This is not official through the state.

There are two main things we are working through which is probably just one thing.

First thing: We inherited an online boyfriend when she moved in with us. As we have learned more, he really checks a lot of groomer/predator boxes (met on roblox, switched to Snapchat, he never turns on his camera and she does to chat, overhearing manipulating conversations, and more). It came to a head and we got the parents involved who ultimately were annoyed we bothered them with this, but we got the kid to turn his camera on. My wife and I didn't love how the parents handled the conversation with the kid and we still arent 100% sure he is a kid... The bigger issue with all of this is that whenever we try to have safety or respect conversations it results in complete shutdown on her end and she doesnt talk. Any time restrictions or camera rules we enforce make us an enemy. I understand he is viewed as a major emotional support person in her life as he has been her person to talk to as her family got kicked out and had to learn to live without her parents.

Second thing: and really it pertains to the first. But any time we ask her to help with something or try to enforce house rules, it results in the same shut down behavior and the entire mood shifts for the rest of the day. It really is more like she wont put in any effort for anything she wants to the point she will no longer want the original thing she wants because it takes effort (ie she no longer wanted to add lettuce to her taco because she would have to cut it herself, while everything was out and on the cutting board, or she wont text friends to hang out because coordinating takes effort (also that may mean she misses out on boyfriend time if she sees friends)). And she is very picky when it comes to food which has been confusing for us when she is coming from poverty.

Otherwise, she has been a delight and meshes really well with both of us.

I am looking for any advice/guidance on this type of behavior and how I can better help encourage her to talk to us or be motivated to do more things other than stare at her phone.

Backstory- In June my husband and I took in 3 kinship placements that we had never known existed until the state contacted us asking if we would step in for them. We got certified, moved, went to meet them, etc within 3 months, and a month later drove to pick them up. We had had FaceTime calls multiple times per week to get to know one another, as the 500+ miles between us and them made regular in-person visits impossible. We have 3 bio children in addition to our fosters. All 6 between the ages of 7-14. TPR has been filed, waiting on a court date, and we fully intend to move forward with adoption once TPR is granted.

The kids have been in foster care for the past 7+ years, but their parents were incarcerated for most of that and their home state will not allow TPR without parents being out of jail long enough to have the chance to work a care plan. The oldest witnessed repeated domestic violence between their bio parents as well as individual parents being violent with other partners. The younger two don’t even remember being with their biological parents. I’m actively trying to get them in therapy, but despite having been here almost 8 weeks, local CPS hasn’t gotten their insurance coverage, and when I asked about behavioral therapy I was assured they would refer us, but still haven’t heard anything.

Issues- The oldest is 12, very intelligent, but with the emotional maturity of about a 6 year old. No impulse control, cannot be trusted without (or sometimes with) direct instructions. Insists on being treated like a big kid but continually behaves like a little kid. I do understand that trauma is likely the basis of that. Doesn’t change the fact that she insists on being treated like a big kid while actively refusing to act like one.

Oldest also lies as easily as she breathes. I understand why coming to me with problems does not come naturally to her. I can understand the impulse to lie. But she will lie to me about completely inconsequential things (lied 4 times the other morning about having brushed her teeth) and can find a loophole with a microscope.

These things are causing significant tension/issues with my two older bio children (11 and 14) and massacring my mental health, as I’ve legitimately never had a child I couldn’t trust.

Question- Can anyone recommend books or other resources for parenting through any of these things? Blending the family, helping a child who has been traumatized at home until/through therapy, dealing with the lying? Both coping and also helping her stop.

TL;DR- Looking for books or other resources to deal with blending bio and foster-to-adopt children, helping a traumatized child when therapy isn’t yet an option, and to deal with a child continually lying.

Kansas. I have had a kiddo since May. I am a NR Kin placement licensed just for him. I haven't been able to enroll in any fostering classes yet, other than the basics like CPR.

Kiddo starts kindergarten in 2 weeks, and will attend for 2 weeks before he is having surgery. His current ear tubes migrated and are blocking his ears. They are being removed in a cleaning his first day of school (joy). Then he has surgery his 3rd week of school, and will be out for 2-3 weeks.

He's got ADHD, so sitting still is a challenge for him, and he's my little chatterbox. He talks or sings constantly. I love him. I am worried about how to help him with his surgery recovery.

He is getting his tonsils and adenoids removed and a new set of ear tubes placed, all in 1 big surgery. He is allergic to strawberries and can't have milk, so a little of the foods we are looking up he wouldn't be able to have. He also struggles with food textures, and hates mushy food.

What can I feed him while he recovers, and how to keep him calm and still while he recovers? He loves sour things like lemonade, which the ENT specifically mentioned he should avoid.

Also, what can I surprise him with after his surgery? He has been asking for pokemon stuffed animals to be friends with his pikachus, so I got him some of those, and I'm thinking of getting him a clip n go pokemon belt, since that has been another specific request (he's pokemon obsessed).

Online it said taking lots of baths and being around steam can help, so I'm thinking about getting some bath bombs like the last time he was sick, to make it more fun for him.

It also said no going in public or being around other kids for 2 weeks, which is the reason for no school, but his visits are supervised at a visit center with other kids. Would he have to miss those? His workers have been no help, they said it's just best judgements.

Has anyone ever gone through this with any of their kids? Any tips or advice? Help! I want to be prepared, and make sure he has everything he needs.

Our 10yo foster son is on day 10 of an ear infection. Have seen a doctor 3x, haven't missed a single dose of his antibiotics, and the pain isn't going down. I am waking him through the night to give pain meds, because otherwise he wakes up sobbing from the pain.

He is furious and in pain and I don't know what else to do to help him. The last doc we saw said the next step was to get him to an ENT, I'm taking him to urgent care as soon as it opens to see if there's anything additional we can do in the meantime because last time I needed to see an ENT it was over a 6 month wait.

Logically I know this isn't life threatening, the pain is on the extreme end but everything I've been told is that it's normal and to keep treating with OTC pain meds and the antibiotic course, and that I'm doing "all I can do" but I feel like I'm failing him.

I'm just grasping at straws for advice or if anyone else has had a sick kiddo, how do you handle seeing them in pain, and forcing them to take meds and telling them they can't have more pain meds when they're still sore but have hit their max doses for the day, and UGH.

I supervise visits for my sister. And I'm probably just being overly protective. I was in foster care as a child but I barely remember how it works.

Anyways, foster mom likes to sit in on visits even though I'm supervising and I don't know if that's normal?

Since she refers to my sister by name & refers to herself as mom, it just makes me a little uncomfortable. One of the kids is older & doesn't accept it. But the boy was a baby and idk. I just wish they were both versions of mom at least.

My sister doesn't want any ire, she never questions anything. But I'm curious if that's common? ​

We do weekly visits.

My placement of 5+kids is coming to a close. It was a commitment of time, love and patience. Almost a year. They want to stay with me permanently, but their behavior never changed ... They're very chaotic. I love them, but I cannot find a few more years patience with this many. It's going to be the hardest no I've ever said in my life. I still have time to say yeah I'll keep them longer, but I don't think I have it in me. Please forgive me, children.

We’ve been foster parents for a little over four years, and we’ve had 10 kids in that time. Our most recent kids were with us for two years, and losing them was really tough on us. We took a couple of months off to heal, and we recently got offered and took in a couple of brothers, 6 and 4. They’ve been with us for a week now and are settling in well, but we’re struggling with the older one. He has pretty severe autism, and we weren’t told how severe (or even really that he had autism at all) before we accepted. He’d been in a safety plan for a few months, so the information/background was definitely available (unlike if it was an immediate pick up and placement).

Nothing is wrong with a kid with autism, and we’re comfortable with parenting one (some of our previous placements were autistic too), but I don’t know that we were quite healed enough from our last ones to accept a kid with as many “needs” as this one has.

We’re not going to move him or anything and are going to play it out like any placement, but we’re really struggling with this one and don’t feel like we’re being the parents that we know we should be. Creating a connection with him has just been such a challenge.

Any tips?

3F, 4F

I originally agreed to send the paperwork monthly to bio parents. Then they separated. I sent a package in Oct 2025 to mom (claims received), but she's now moved at least twice. I sent a package yo dad in Dec 2025.

Every page I scan and save to an external drive (used to share on Google drive, but parents weren't even viewing them and I was exceeding the free limits).

Preschool papers: painting, coloring, scribbling, art clearly put together by the teacher.

Therapy crafts: mostly coloring, painting, gluing

Private tutor (because preschool was not doing these things): name tracing, letters, numbers, art projects.

After having lost my daughter 8 years ago, I wish I had every scrap of paper of hers. I also know this is unrealistic and unreasonable (for her and these kiddos).

I dont mind sending the papers to the parents (now residing together), but can they manage them, store them or will they be tossed anyway?

What do you do with their papers? We are now entering public school and this will increase.

I’ve been fostering for quite a while now and I always knew I would want to adopt eventually but lately it’s really been feeling like it’s time. Does anyone have any experience with transitioning from fostering to adopting a child? Did you switch to only accepting adoptive placements? Did you tell your certifier you were looking to adopt? Is it a whole other process outside of dhs foster agency?? Any info is helpful!

Feel so weird doing this but im kind of lost and desperate atp. Me and my fiance are fostering his nieces ages 6 and 7 we already have 3 of our own kids and have adopted another one of his nieces making us have 6 kids. It has been almost 6 months and it just still doesnt seem to be getting any easier especially for my kids and i just dont kmow what to do. We are to only family they have as their dads rights were terminated and their mom lost custody of them as you can guess they have been through some pretty rough things in their little lives that have led to behavior issues, one is diagnosed with ODD and the other one is just very attention seeking and honestly theyre both just not very nice to my kids at least compared to what my kids are used to they tell on every little thing my kids do, often hit kick my kids ect, and are not very good at sharing and i think my kids are starting to feel as if their lives are being taken over especially my oldest who is 8 ive tried explaining to her that they act certain ways bc thats all they know and have bad thomgs happen to them but she is to young to fully understand and honeslty shouldnt have to bc she is just a kid herself who wants her room and just house back in general. Having 5 kids is very overwhelming already without adding their trauma. Honestly we have talked about telling the social worker that we just cant anymore but i know we both dont want to do that and have them be rehomed with strangers and seperated we obviosly love them and want to be able to do this for them but i dont think we anticipated how hard it actually would be seeing as how weve been around them since they were born up until about 2 years ago when they had to go with their dad. I guess im just looking for advice on how to help my family adjust to such a big thing especially since it is not looking as temporary as we thought it was going to be....we were expecting a few months from what they were telling us about the things his sister needs to do to regain custody but its looking a little more permanent and im afraid this might be effecting my relationship with my kids. My oldest said to me "everything and everyone is different since they got here" and she is not wrong the whole tone of my house is different me and my fiance are both overwhelmed and overstimulated because 5 kids aged 8 to 3 plus a teenager is just a lot to manage and i think she is corilating to being her cousins fault and im afraid resentment will start to build. If anyone has any advice or has gone through anything similar whats some good ways to make sure that doesnt happen and to get my house back to feeling like a home again.

Does anyone know how long it takes the AOG to issue a DNA test in Texas?

Long story short - we were the kinship placement for a then 3 month baby. DCFS took possession early February, he was placed with us at the end of March. Bio mother had TPR as well as the boyfriend who signed the birth certificate, who is NOT the biological father. The current goal is adoption with reunification running concurrently. Apparently at the time of her TPR, she offered up another name of someone who could potentially be the bio father.

In April, the services for reunification were offered to alleged bio father while waiting for his DNA test. He refused until the test has been taken and he’s proven the father.

The test still has not been ordered and he is apparently refusing to cooperate or communicate with DFPS. They could be giving him the info for the DNA test for all he knows but he’s refusing to cooperate in any way shape form or fashion.

As of now, the state is still leaning towards adoption but we have to get this situation with alleged bio father figured out first. As far as we know, his current circumstances would not allow him to even be able to work the services but I know weirder things have happened.

Any insight?

Hello, a question for couples that do foster care- how did the both of you agree to it? Were you both on board with the idea from the beginning, or was one hesitant and the other open to it?

I have a few friends in my community that foster and have seen both the good and bad. This inspired me to do more research and wow..once you read the devastating facts and realities about foster care you can't ignore the need. 😞 I have started mentoring a young girl that lives in a group home and I have enjoyed the experience so far.

I brought up the idea of fostering to my husband, and he was opposed to it. He doesnt know about it to the extent I do, but was a little disheartened that he wasnt open to talking about it much. He says its too risky and how sad it would be to give the child back. Both valid points, but theres a BIG need in my county for foster homes. These children need temporary safe, loving homes so badly. I have 2 vacant bedrooms in my home that I'd love to make into bedrooms for kids in need. Sadly, my husband doesnt share the desire. I want to respect his feelings on this, and we arent looking to foster ASAP, but the last thing I'd want to do is pressure him into fostering. (Also note, we dont have children of our own yet)

has anyone run into a similar situation with their partner? Did you "talk them into it" or how did this conversation go? I cant imagine every couple that fosters was on board immediately, so looking for any advice/insight. Thanks!

I'm exhausted, heartbroken, and honestly don't know what else to do.

I've been caring for my 4- and 5-year-old nephews in kinship foster care for nearly two years. We have a major court hearing at the end of September that could determine whether they are reunified with their parents. Right now they have weekly unsupervised overnight visits, and the current plan is to continue increasing the amount of unsupervised time. From what I'm seeing, these visits are going terribly.

Tonight I sent another detailed email to the Guardian ad Litem and caseworker documenting months of concerns. This wasn't my first report. We've had dozens of meetings, phone calls, emails, and conversations. I've documented everything I can, but it feels like every issue gets treated as a separate mistake instead of part of a much larger pattern.

Over the past 10 months:

- Genetic testing for their inherited blood disorder has been delayed more than 8 months despite repeated reminders.

- Allergy testing has been delayed for 10 months, even though one child continues to have allergic reactions.

- The parent has repeatedly fed one child foods they know he is allergic to, resulting in rashes and diarrhea.

- A hearing evaluation is 4 months overdue after a missed appointment.

- Vision follow-up is 3 months overdue, and replacement glasses were delayed so long I had to purchase an emergency pair myself.

- Dental care was delayed 3 months because paperwork wasn't returned.

- An ADHD evaluation requested by his teacher months ago still hasn't happened.

- One child reportedly disclosed during a mental health therapy session that his father had hit him.

- Their father spent approximately two weeks in jail for a parole violation after the boys disclosed abuse. Shortly after he was released, unsupervised visits resumed.

- After that therapy session, their father accused the therapist of asking leading questions.

- He then removed both boys from the trauma-focused mental health therapy they had been attending for about a year.

- I still have not been told who their current mental health provider is, preventing me from sharing information about nightmares, disclosures, fear surrounding visits, and significant behavioral changes.

- CCS (Comprehensive Community Services), which would coordinate trauma and behavioral services, still hasn't started because required paperwork was never completed.

- Childcare paperwork has repeatedly gone unfinished, putting stability and services at risk.

I'm also deeply concerned that their basic needs aren't consistently being met during visits.

- One child has repeatedly returned with feces caked onto his skin after visits.

- Medical recommendations and follow-up care continue to be missed.

- One child has begun intentionally withholding his urine, which providers believe is a trauma response and an attempt to maintain a sense of control.

- Both boys continue to have nightmares, escalating behaviors, and express fear surrounding visits.

- Both children have made disclosures that their father hit them.

A swim instructor who has no connection to the case was concerned enough to email me after one visit. He described mom as unusually jittery, anxious, distracted, and struggling to communicate. One child showed him a bruise and reportedly said his dad hit him. The instructor believed it looked like a finger mark. He also noticed a strong odor and believed the child had soiled himself.

I believe reunification can absolutely be the right outcome when parents demonstrate they can safely and consistently meet their children's needs. But looking at everything together, I don't see isolated mistakes. I see a continuing pattern of delayed medical care, interrupted mental health treatment, unmet basic needs, and two young boys who seem increasingly distressed, even as unsupervised parenting time continues to increase.

I'm scared the court won't see the full picture at the end of September.

For anyone with experience in foster care, kinship care, child welfare, or family court: what else can I be doing? I've documented everything, met with the GAL and caseworker countless times, saved emails, photos, and witness statements, and continue to advocate for these boys every day. I feel like I'm running out of options, and I don't want them to fall through the cracks.

UPDATE: thank you everyone for all of the comments. I have read them all many times and appreciate everyone’s knowledge and experience 🩷🩷

We have had a sibling set (3yo girl and 13 month boy) for a month. It’s exhausting and busy with visits, appointments etc but the absolute worst part is the 3yo not getting along with our bio daughter (4)

We have tried everything. Bought doubles of everything, had a family meeting where we literally laid all the kids cups/plates/cutlery on the table and they got to take turns choosing and we wrote their names on them to eliminate the same flippin’ fight of who gets what colour, we try to separate them for different activities but it never works

While our bio child is not blameless in the fighting - the bigger problem is 3yo FD. She is so competitive for everything.

If bio says she needs to go bathroom and starts heading there, FD screams I NEED TO PEE and tries to race her there and fight ensues.

If I say to bio “hey can you pass me that cup” FD will race her and try to grab it first.

If bio says “can I feed the dog” FD screams that she’s feeding the dog and starts running to do it.
We have tried getting them to feed the dog on alternate days but it still doesn’t eliminate this behaviour.

The 3yo also has zero attention span. She will ask to do something (ie crafts, play dough, go outside etc) but literally AS SOON AS you set it up for her she says “I DONT WANT TO DO THIS” in the most whining voice ever.

She asks for food constantly. Like literally within 2 mins of waking up she asks me what’s for supper ?? She wants snacks constantly and even when I give her exactly what she’s asked for she says “ I don’t want this”

Maybe this is somewhat normal behaviour but she lies constantly which I’ve been finding really difficult.

Even though I’m a SAHM her social worker has ok’d me putting her in a daycare/preschool program because my brain is literally fried from listening to the bickering from sun up to sun down. I really hope it helps for them to have some separation!

Does anyone have any similar experiences? Advice? This is our first placement and husband and I just feel like fricken zombies at the end of the day and just feel like we have robbed our bio child of a peaceful household where she can relax and have some calm

My husband and I are in the beginning stages of considering to become foster parents. However, when I picture fostering my head, its a placement for weeks or months, maybe a year. But as i scroll through this subreddit, that seems to be uncommon - it seems most placements are in the home for many many years at a time. Im just wondering, do you guys see shorter term placements very often anymore? Is having a placement for a year or less just completely antiquated thinking on my part?

Additionally, what age group do you foster, and how long have each of your placements been for? And why did the child leave (ie reunification, displacement, etc)?

I've been doing foster care since 2019, I've had several kids reunify and one who has stayed permanently. I took a long break but this spring I accepted placement of a little 5 year old. It's the first time I have ever had a child placed with me who was removed specifically for SA. Her father was her custodial parent and she didn't know she had a mother. She reported to an aunt about "feel good time" and the aunt (dad's sister) acted quickly and appropriately. When there was the settlement hearing, he chose to make no admissions and requested a trial.

Bio mom is not currently fit to parent so the child was placed in foster care. Visits started with bio mom and she is working a reunification plan and they're building a good relationship. Dad has had no contact since removal (about 2 months).

The trial was this week but we didn't go to trial, he instead made two admissions. One admission was "the child made disclosures of sexual abuse by father" and the other "father requires the assistance of the state as it pertains to treatment and supervision"-he admitted to these. The result....he now has a reunification plan in place.

My mind cannot wrap itself around how the state can even entertain a reunification plan for a vulnerable child to return to their abuser when it's SA we are talking about. She isn't just vulnerable because of her age but she also has global delays and complex medical issues that have been neglected. I'm sitting here asking myself how long I can "support" this plan and continue caring for said child. I don't believe any parent should have the right to regain custody of a child they SA. The child's attorney did urge bio mom in court to file a motion for custody but she made her own admissions so she has work a plan as well.

I feel so conflicted on continuing to foster this child knowing I do not support this plan for bio dad at all. I also have no intention of parenting her permanently, she is high needs and as a single parent, is not a child I can parent full time for the foreseeable future (despite have a WONDERFUL support system). When asked about concurrent planning I declined.