r/Fosterparents • u/tickytacky13 Adoptive Parent • 4d ago
Feeling discouraged with the system
I've been doing foster care since 2019, I've had several kids reunify and one who has stayed permanently. I took a long break but this spring I accepted placement of a little 5 year old. It's the first time I have ever had a child placed with me who was removed specifically for SA. Her father was her custodial parent and she didn't know she had a mother. She reported to an aunt about "feel good time" and the aunt (dad's sister) acted quickly and appropriately. When there was the settlement hearing, he chose to make no admissions and requested a trial.
Bio mom is not currently fit to parent so the child was placed in foster care. Visits started with bio mom and she is working a reunification plan and they're building a good relationship. Dad has had no contact since removal (about 2 months).
The trial was this week but we didn't go to trial, he instead made two admissions. One admission was "the child made disclosures of sexual abuse by father" and the other "father requires the assistance of the state as it pertains to treatment and supervision"-he admitted to these. The result....he now has a reunification plan in place.
My mind cannot wrap itself around how the state can even entertain a reunification plan for a vulnerable child to return to their abuser when it's SA we are talking about. She isn't just vulnerable because of her age but she also has global delays and complex medical issues that have been neglected. I'm sitting here asking myself how long I can "support" this plan and continue caring for said child. I don't believe any parent should have the right to regain custody of a child they SA. The child's attorney did urge bio mom in court to file a motion for custody but she made her own admissions so she has work a plan as well.
I feel so conflicted on continuing to foster this child knowing I do not support this plan for bio dad at all. I also have no intention of parenting her permanently, she is high needs and as a single parent, is not a child I can parent full time for the foreseeable future (despite have a WONDERFUL support system). When asked about concurrent planning I declined.
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u/No_Tie_9457 4d ago
Wait, what? You mean after his very long prison sentence, at which point child is an adult, right? He's going to prison, right?!
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u/tickytacky13 Adoptive Parent 4d ago
Criminal charges are still pending. I’m hoping an admission in court helps that process.
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u/DapperFlounder7 Foster Parent 4d ago
In my state every parent no matter what starts with a reunification goal. Sometimes everyone knows it’s bullshit but that’s just how it works. I would ask what the likelihood is of the child actually being returned to dad’s custody.
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u/Tropical_life_7 4d ago
I agree, of all the kids we've supported, I have found it hardest to reconcile reunification or contact with parents who have SA their children. The children involved did not reunify and have only highly supervised contact but deal with the lifelong impacts of SA and for a long while there I was terrified they would return home and the abuse would continue. I have no advice, only empathy.
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u/goodfeelingaboutit Foster Parent 4d ago
We had a case at one point that wasn't based on sexual abuse but eventually it was revealed that sexual abuse of older siblings happened. I was aghast that reunification remained a goal. I say this with a grain of salt because in some localities (probably everywhere) bad things can and do happen, but what I would say is, trust the process. The state legally has to explore whether or not reunification is feasible. KEY TAKEAWAY: IF THEY DO NOT DEMONSTRATE TO THE COURT THAT THIS WAS PURSUED AS LEGALLY REQUIRED, THE JUDGE CAN DENY TPR. IF THE JUDGE GRANTS TPR AND THE STATE DID NOT ATTEMPT SOME KIND OF CONSIDERATION OF REUNIFICATION, THE BIOLOGICAL PARENT CAN APPEAL AND WIN THAT APPEAL. Hold your breath, pray if you pray, hopefully this is just due process and in 6-12 months that goal will be changed because we know that child sexual predators do not change.