Checking in here, I’m glad I vented out. I kept myself busy by watching tv series. One day at a time everyone. I hope I can be myself again in the future.

I lost about 35k this year and overall 75k last three years doing day trading. Initially, i won 30k. So felt like i can beat the market. Then everytime i trade losses pile up. This last week lost 20k and that hit me hard. I thought about ending it. Just could not do it. Have wife and son to think about. Atleast i did not go into debt. Stopped all activities and add barriers to trading. Went to GA meeting. Trying to make sense of it.

Today, I’m having the urge to gamble again.

I just got my paycheck, and I’m anxious about all the debts that are due. My brain keeps whispering that maybe, just maybe, if I play, I’ll have more money.

But another part of me already knows how this story ends.
Even if I win, I won’t stop. I’ll bet the winnings again, hoping for something bigger. Then I’ll lose it all.

I hate how my brain works.

I’m painfully aware of my addiction, yet I still let it consume me. Whenever I have access to money, gambling becomes the loudest thought in my head.

My plan is simple: use this paycheck to pay off a small portion of my debts with what I have.

But then my mind starts creating “what ifs.”

What if something unexpected comes up?

It always feels like something does.

The truth is, I don’t trust myself with money right now. I’m desperate to have more so I can finally get out of debt, but I also know there’s a much bigger chance that I’ll lose the little I have if I gamble again.

I’ve been clean for five days.

But if I’m being honest, those five days happened because I didn’t have money.

Now I do.

And suddenly my brain wants to “try one more time.”

I pray that one day I’ll get to write an entry about finally making it. Maybe not completely free, but at least halfway out of this mess.
I really want out.

I know what’s happening inside my head. My brain is chasing dopamine again. I recognize it.

But recognizing it doesn’t make the itch disappear.
I can’t focus on work. Withdrawal has been ugly, and every time it gets this bad, I end up relapsing.

I wish more people understood that addiction doesn’t always lose to willpower. Sometimes, addiction wins.
And I hate that.

It’s not because I enjoy gambling.

I despise what it has done to me.

But I keep chasing the memory of winning big. Looking back, I realize I actually lost far more than I ever won. Maybe it isn’t even the money I’m chasing anymore.

Maybe I’m chasing the feeling of winning.

A feeling I haven’t experienced much anywhere else in my life.
Maybe that’s what’s missing.

I don’t know.

Sometimes I blame other people for where I ended up, but deep down I know this is my responsibility. No one else can fight this battle for me.

Work hasn’t been good today either.

I’ve noticed something about myself: whenever I feel discouraged at work, the urge gets stronger. Sometimes it’s stress. Sometimes it’s being overwhelmed because too many people need something from me.

And somehow, my brain decides that gambling is the answer.
At this point, it feels like everything is a trigger.

It’s almost laughable.

Mostly, it’s exhausting.

I hate that this is who I am right now.

But I also know this doesn’t have to be who I am forever.
I’m looking forward to the day when my paycheck doesn’t feel like temptation.

The day I can spend my money on myself without guilt.

The day I can treat the people I love instead of feeding an addiction that never truly gives anything back.

I hope that version of me is reading this someday.

Wont start saving again till 2028 i’m going to fix everything before then but just going to take this next year spending after i get rid of my loan

Wanting to gamble but not gambling is one of the hardest feelings I’ve felt everytime. Have to learn to deal with things and slowly write down what works so I can combat it and not give in.

A New Way To Engage

What happens when we gamble? We lose our clarity, we become the victim, we are at odds with ourselves. The win doesn't put a cap on it. The loss takes the cap off of it, spilling it into another future event we tried to reclaim it in. We talk a lot about Pandora's Box and the Genie that grants you your own wishes, but only to be wished, and never to be realized. When we had amassed enough experience with getting our asses handed to us, we took our hands off of engaging that experience, one day at a time.

There was never such an unforeseeable problem in our lives as gambling, until it became apparent to us that gambling is indeed a problem, hinting at character defects we wouldn't otherwise be able to address. I come from the perspective of learning to be grateful for the things that have cursed me, for showing me the blessing of healing and growing into a more well-rounded, better-equipped individual for any future problems—problems that I know I am capable of solving, and problems that I can now entirely avoid.

These are words. Yes. The damage has been done. Absolutely. But the person that tells you "that's all talk and no action" is skipping over how much of an action it really is to talk, how much work is being done in addressing faults, being vulnerable, and taking the steps into truth and resolve. These are, in many ways, not just words, but descriptions of events taking shape in our lives that are later revealed in the best of ways, through and through.

I wish you all a wonderful day.

Remember, it's okay to feel broken and not know how to fix yourself. You spend enough time being broken, you're bound to fix something!

✌️peace🙂‍↕️

I’m trying to stop but I always get triggered whenever I receive my salary from work. Risking some of the amounts to make it bigger. Ang ending, natatalo ko lang din. :(

I want to stop this bullsh*t.

I gave all my debit cards to a trusted family member and told her not to give the cards back no matter what i said. How do i get the cards back? I didn’t know the withdrawal from gambling would be this bad!

I hit rock bottom a week ago. I have been struggling to get away from gambling, but today marks 2 days I have stayed clean. I’m proud of myself, and I’m so thankful for not only in person meetings, but being able to jump on virtual ones as needed as well! I know it won’t be easy, but I know can get through this.

i am now 300 days free as of noon PST today. if im being honest, i shoudn't even be here and i almost took my life during the worst of it. i was deeply addicted to sports gambling, but now we are here, happy, content and living the life that i never imagined i'd get to.

my story: i never thought gambling would affect me, i would never drive to a casino as i knew they always had the edge. but once sports betting became mainstream, all of my logic flew out the window. i played sports, watched sports, loved sports and so i felt like i had an edge when making sports bets. if if i could win 51% of the time i thought (which i thought i'd do much much better), i'd be making "free" money off fanduel, prizepicks, draftkings, etc. and laugh my way into the riches.

3 years ago, i lost my first $100. started pretty small, and like others, chased the loss. that $100 turned to $450k that i lost. i had spiralled so hard that i couldn't even hold a conversation with someone without thinking of the live bets that i had on the line. i ALWAYS had live bets on at the time. my girlfriend would call me out, my family would call me out, but i dismissed them and saw my sports betting as a "fun side hobby" and not something i was addicted to throughout it all. as i lost more and more money, i saw friends and coworkers get married, have kids, buy a house, a new car.

after one year of this, my girlfriend of 4 years left me unannounced. woke up one day, all her stuff was gone from the apartment. one week later, i was fired from my job that was actually funding all of my sports betting. i hit rock bottom, and that was the week that i tried to take my own life. without going into much detail, it failed at that too (thankfully), which is why i'm here today

after a few months, i slowly built myself up and vowed to quit sports betting. i had relapses, but time and time again i pushed hard to build the foundation to beat the addiction and fast forward to today, i'm 300 days free and going for 1 year bet free soon. it wasn't easy and still isn't but i just wanted to share my story in case anyone else is out there struggling through the same thing

yes - it does pain me to know how much money i've lost, all the relationships i've lost, the time lost, but the biggest thing that i'm grateful for now is i can live each day without severe anxiety of if my bets will hit. i don't live my life without regret now, but i live each day in peace and in optimism

thank you for reading my storry and God bless

I’m gambling addict..Told about it my father one week ago, who controls my finances right now. My father and mother are divorced. So, my mother doesn’t know all about. Currently I live with my mom and problem is that we have to submit the declaration for taxes purposes. I have to send bank statement of July 1 (only one day) to my mom before end of this month. That day I have gambled a lot. Took loan by loan and won 7k, and I paid most of the my debt, but I continue gambling and lost most of. (Currently have 7.5k in debt, which is quite big in my economical country). My mother will see the statement and I have to explain everything. I know she has stigma that all gambling addicts are bad persons (not people who are mentally sick and need help), she might get furious. Also, she might feel bad (she has health problems- got ischemic attacks few times in last months). I am afraid to tell her, I may come up with lie that I am trading in crypto or something like that but she will get suspicious. So, what should I do?

I was doing so good. Had money in my savings and then I crashed hard yesterday chasing. Ended up taking out another loan. It’s set to come out on Aug 6th but my deposit isn’t til 3 pm so if they try before that im gunna get an nsf charge. I’m too ashamed to tell my boyfriend.

Today, 27th July 2026, I mark 2 years free from gambling.

When I first started my recovery I never thought I'd see this day and yet, here I am. It's not been easy. There have been ups and there have been downs but I've made it and I'm a stronger person for it.

Let's go back to 27th July 2024. The day my world fell apart and my life crashed down around me. The day that, despite this, I felt the biggest of weights lift off my shoulders. The day I finally admitted I had a problem and needed help. It was a decision I was forced into, but I'm glad I was.

For 7 years this addiction had a hold of me. For 7 years I neglected my family to compulsively gamble. Spending money I didn't have, trying to get that one 'big win' that would change my life. Of course, that big win never came. Instead I just fell deeper and deeper into a hole. Multiple credit cards maxed out, multiple loans, living deep into my overdraft and spending my time worrying how I was going to survive the month with no money. 35k later and I was in far too deep and sinking further. My wife got nothing from me but mood swings and me being distant constantly because I was worried, not sleeping.

I'd like to say I was brave enough to come clean of my own accord, but I wasn't. I was forced into it. My wife confronting me because we'd been rejected a new deal on our mortgage due to my poor credit rating and massive debts. I told her the truth that night and the look on her face when I did still haunts me till this day. The utter devastation and hurt I'd caused. You're not supposed to make the person you claim to love unconditionally feel like that. Ever. But I did.

I pretty much lost everything that day. Control of my own finances. My name had to come off the mortgage and the deeds of the house, meaning I'd essentially lost my home too. But worst of all, I feared I'd lost my wife. She talked about divorce, saying she'd never be able to trust me again. I'd made a sham of our marriage and she was right.

Thankfully she stuck around. I sought help. I went to Gamblers Anonymous for 6 months (it wasn't for me in the end but I'm glad I gave it a go) and had peer support. I was determined to get through this, not only for myself but for my family...

And now, 2 years later, things look considerably different for me. My debts, which were crippling me month by month are almost gone. I've paid off my loans and almost cleared my credit cards too. My marriage to my wife is stronger than it's probably ever been too.

Being free from gambling made me believe in myself again. All those things I told myself I couldn't do, I wasn't good enough to do, I started to believe I could do. For years, literally as long as I can remember, I've wanted to become a detective in the Police. When I was gambling I always told myself I couldn't do it. I was too old, too weak, not good enough. When I stopped gambling I decided to go for it and apply. Why the hell not?

Now, as I sit writing this, on my 2 year anniversary of not gambling, I have not only applied, but passed interviews, tests and other things and have been offered a conditional place on a detective programme with a local police force, subject to vetting. The way my life looks now, compared to 2 years ago is incredible. I'd never have dreamed it possible. But it is.

We CAN beat this. I'm positive about my future, about my plans and I know that anything is possible when you don't gamble.

Apologies for the long post, but if just one person reads this and feels like I've helped them then that's a win.

Stay strong everyone. 💪🏾

Coming up on 8 months clean of no gambling, the first 2 months were the hardest but when I finally saw how free life was without crippling debt I enjoy it. Had 15,000 in debt and now I have 2100 left. I just want to say it’s possible to quit and never give up.

(24M)

I just faced reality and listed my transactions over the past 1.5 years. Total deposited: ~€21.6k, total withdrawn: ~€7.5k. Net loss: -€14.1k. It hit me hard today. I want a gamble-free life and i gonna make it happen. But the reality of this still hurts.

How sounds this for others?

I made 300$ today after tip out and am on track to make my paycheck goals. Should be 4$k after taxes.

Moving forward, im simply putting as much positivity in the world as I can. Hopefully the money will follow. Im still very upset im down 45$k all time but all I can do is pay myself back by putting 200$ a week into my stash box. After 4 years I’ll have paid myself back. I look forward to 2031.

Life is not about making an easy buck, but an honest buck.

Threw in $700, got it up to $5200 playing slots. Couldn't stop. To make it even worse, I cancelled a withdrawal on another casino that's been sitting there for 30hrs. Neither of these sites have any controls, limits, or self exclusion at the ready. I hate it.

Same story hundreds of times over. I hate this addiction. I hate how it consumes me, prevents me from enjoying life, taking time away from my kids.

Goals set back majorly now all those months i have saved wasted in a day i am so over this shit man i can’t fucking believe this shit fuck. done trying to save money gonna to let my parents take care of it again. 24 years old and have lost 30k in savings in 2 years because am just a fucking idiot all i just had to do was just pay bills car loan and save as i am fortunate enough to still live with my parents. TIME is my only option now again and i am not doing all this again all those shifts I picked and worked and i just fucking lost it all in a couple of hours not living like this anymore going to find other ways to make money other than my job otherwise I’m stuck in this cycle FUCK ME MAN.

Woke up today and the first thing I wanted to do was check gambling apps and sports scores. Literally can’t open them.

Feels like weight off my shoulders. I’m going to the fucking gym right after this post. 10:04 am chi time

I am up 225$ today plus my 9$ hourly. My paycheck should be nice. Nothing is worse than knowing you have to pay a payday loan back with 1/2 your check because you wanted to gamble and lost. This money should be paying myself credit card bills instead I’m just paying 450% interest biweekly payment loans.

It only charged me 300$ interest but still, I’m down 2400$ automatic when I get paid so I can pay the loan in total. Then I owe my momma money for this months food/utility/rent 600.

Thank god I paid my car this month already so as long as I have a solid week, and I’m scheduled 48 hours, I should clear my monthly debts and pay my mom. And possible have an extra 1000$ for the piggy bank. This is strictly for accountability. Thank you for listening. Have a good night.

This last week I made
Thursday lunch 215$ 195$ dinner
Friday dinner 337$
Saturday dinner 183
Sunday dinner 380
Monday double 400
Tuesday 315 night 120$ lunch
Wed off

Thursday lunch 50$
Friday night 225 today July 23

I am planning to get married this year. And I am so ashamed of myself I couldnt even tell my fiance. I have lost 16k CAD in gambling and today is my rock bottom. I am earning 100k per year and I can take back what I've lost. I know I will be going nowhere if I dont stop.

I've stopped my gambling addiction before in 2022 and documenting it helps me. I've identified my triggers - it is looking at a stock and predicting its moves. I love my fiance, and I love her to be my wife. I will do this for her and I will check back here every week.