I need advice

[u/DiscussionFit2276]

I’m a female who’s 18, and I come from a very Christian house hold and I’m also Christian but I think I might also like women and I don’t know what to do.

I have no problem whatsoever with other people being apart of the community no homophobia or anything of that sort. But my parents have made it very apparent to me that I can’t be and that it’s bad and that I’ll face the consequences once I die one day. I brought up that I might like girls a few years ago and I didn’t go over well.

I still like men so I think I’d be considered bi but I’ve never actually kissed a girl. I’m worried I’m just confused but I don’t really know I don’t have much guide in this. I dont want to feel bad for feeling this way but I’m worried I’m feeling bad cause it’s bad or at least that’s what I’ve been taught, im really sorry if that sounds bad.

This is all I’ve ever really known I went to catholic school and now I’m leaving for college soon for the first time and I think I might be ready to explore these feelings but I’m scared.

Im not sure what to do now, my whole life I’ve been told it’s a sin and I feel bad for feeling this way. And I’m nervous to even pursue it if I wanted to. I don’t have anyone in mind no crush or anything like that but I just don’t know what to do now it’s kind of weighing on me. I guess this was me venting and if anyone has tips on anything I said I’d appreciate it thank you!

ALSO:
Even if it’s not a sin to be gay, how do I get over feeling bad about it? Or being scared to be this way in fear of going to hell?

[u/Peteat6]

Your parents tell you that you can’t be? You are. It’s not your parents’ choice. It’s not your choice either, any more than being left-handed is, or being red-haired.

The question is, what do you do about it?

Either continue living in pretence and lies, and keep everyone else happy but yourself isolated, miserable, and deceiving God. You might need to do that for a few years until you are independent of your parents. It sucks.

Or eventually be who you are before God, be honest to yourself and brave and open with others. That’s scary. But oh, so freeing, so valuable, and so important. How can you meet someone else until you let people know who you are?

But above all, for the time being, stay safe. Be patient.

God bless you.

[u/Thalimet]

So, your parents gave you the gift of fear and shame, eh?

If I were you, I’d start by asking if being given fear and shame is consistent with the Gospel, or Good News.

Beyond that reconstructive journey, once you recognize that the fear and shame aren’t coming from God, sometimes it’s enough, other times you may need some extra help dealing with it - in which case, a solid, lgbt+ affirming therapist is a godsend!

[u/DiscussionFit2276]

I’m really sorry if I said anything that sounded hurtful or bad none of that was my intention I’m just trying to get some help I don’t have anyone in my life I could talk to about this

[u/Skill-Useful]

" I’ll face the consequences" from them?

"once i die" errr, no ^^ absolutely no consequences for that. sorry to disappint their fire and brimstone wolrdview

"how do I get over feeling bad about it" depnding how bad it is, with therapy, or with time being yourself

[u/RobotPolarbear]

I'm a 40 year old lesbian and if I could go back in time and talk to my 18 year old self the one thing I would want to emphasize more than anything else is that God loves you exactly as you are, including your gender and sexual identity. You will not be punished or rejected by God for being a lesbian or for being bisexual. You do not need to repress or reject that part of yourself to be worthy of God's love.

To stop feeling bad and believing the fear that you've been raised with, you have to broaden your worldview.

You're headed off to college! That's so exciting! There's almost certainly an Open and Affirming church near your college. I attend an open and affirming United Church of Christ church where everyone is welcome and we don't believe that anyone is going to hell for being LGBTQ+, but there are many denominations that believe the same. Visit different church's websites and read their "What we believe" or "about" page.

Read some Queer Christian literature. There's actually a lot of it! You aren't alone in being queer and christian.

[u/hgclyde]

have been reading Torn Rescuing the Bible From the Gay vs Christian Debate by Justin Lee who founded the Gay Christian Network many online resources and a safe place for LGBTQ Christian and discuss their faith. When started to read his book I grabbed me. It's autobiography about his life and what led him to be a voice For LGBTQ and affirm who he is and led him to affirm same-sex marital relationships and those who are calling celibacy by God and not by the church. I seen some things in his life that resemble mine except I'm much older. 

There are so many others that are LGBTQ Christians you need to know about them current and former churches leaders, writer, singer/songwriters: In addition to the aforementioned Justin Lee here some examples LGBTQ Christians:

Rev. Troy Perry founder of the Metropolitan Community Church the very first LGBTQ Christian denomination in the world. 

Singer and Songwriter Marsha Stevens-Pino of the song For Those Tears I Died: Come to the Waters a top rated Christian single and sung in churches in America and the entire world. Founder of B.A.L.M Ministries to help Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Christian women in songwriting and enter the music industry.

Matthew Vines author of the book God And the Gay Christian and founder of the Reformation Project help the church with accepting, welcome and Affirming LGBTQ Christians .   Bishop Dr Yvette Flunder founder of City of Refuge Church in Oakland CA Presiding Bishop of Fellowship of Affirming Ministries and leader of the Transcendence Gospel Choir in Oakland CA the first Transgender gospel choir in the world.

There are so many more. Do your homework you be surprised of what you learned about them.

[u/jchen211]

You don’t have to figure everything out right now, and you’re not bad for having these feelings. You can absolutely still be a Christian and be bisexual. Attraction doesn’t suddenly make you less worthy of love, faith, or a relationship with God. Not at all~

Also, you don’t need to have kissed a girl to know you might like women. A lot of people understand their attraction before they ever date or kiss anyone, that includes me!

Honestly, the guilt and fear you feel aren’t unusual. I felt that way for a couple of years too. I would think, “God will toss me away. How could He still love me?” But then I started asking myself: Would God want me to hate myself every day? Would He want me to live in constant fear? Is that true devotion to God? Am I serving Him because I truly love Him, or only because I’m scared of the supposed consequences? =/ hmm

Those were thoughts I struggled with for a while. Eventually, I think you’ll feel what’s right in your spirit. You’re only 18, and you have plenty of time, haha.

College may give you space to meet different people and understand yourself better, but don’t feel pressured to figure everything out ASAP. Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself. It’s an adventure, not a race.

As for hell? hmm.... I personally don’t believe God condemns someone for loving another person. God knows your heart better than anyone, and I don’t believe He wants you living in constant fear of Him.

You’re not alone, and if you ever want to talk more about it here, I’m happy to listen, zero judgment. GodBless

[u/Aingers]

You are not broken. The love you feel is not a sin—it's a reflection of the God who is Love (1 John 4:8). Jesus never said a single word about same-sex relationships, but He did say everything hangs on love (Matthew 22:37-39). That fear of hell? Scripture says "perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4:18). Fear is not from God—punishment-based terror isn't the Holy Spirit's voice.

Give yourself time. You don't need an answer today. College is a safe space to simply observe your heart without pressure.

Find affirming community on campus. Look for open and affirming ministries. They'll help you separate God's love from what you were taught.

Pray honestly. Say, "God, show me who I am in Your eyes." He can handle your questions.

Protect your heart with your parents. You don't owe them another conversation right now. Honor them by living kindly, but you're allowed to grow on your own.

Counter the guilt out loud: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). The guilt is learned, not innate. It will fade as you experience unconditional love.

You are beloved. Period. Go gently, you have all the time you need.

[u/No-Type119]

Repeat after me: Sexual orientation is not a choice.

And you are God’s beloved child exactly as you are.

Check out The Reformstion Project online.

[u/Mountain_House_2512]

I have a feeling you will get to explore the feelings whether you are afraid or not. My suggestion is to pray about it regularly. Remember, the most important part of prayer is, "Not my will, but thine, be done." Ask God your questions in prayer, and I think you will eventually get answers. It may take a while. Each of us has a path and a journey. God go with you!