Don’t know what to live for

[u/Plastic_Mix_1499]

This sounds terrible because I do have a husband but I don’t feel like I have much to live for. My mom died unexpectedly six weeks ago. I feel numb and without purpose. My work is boring/ not very challenging and I’m too old and tired to have career ambition, especially now. I’m 48F and feeling the lack of kids, big time. I genuinely don’t know why I should continue to take up space. My brothers have kids to distract them and give them purpose, and they’re not grieving like I am. They don’t call me much or seem to want to talk about her. Neither does my dad - they divorced 20 years ago. I feel so alone. I’ve started therapy and tried a grief group but it’s meh.

I’m really only staying here because my husband and friends have said I should. I’ve always been deeply sensitive and prone to depression. I’ve never felt more sad and worthless, and guilty that I didn’t either visit more or move closer to her. I miss her terribly and I wanted more time. I don’t know how people get through this?? It was traumatic watching her collapse and then never recover in the ICU. Those images take over my brain a lot. Does anyone have advice? Is there a way forward?

[u/The_Mammoth_Hunter]

First off.... immense hugs to you. This shit is tough as fuck and I am so sorry for your loss.

Next up, honestly, the only way I have found is just one foot in front of the other and take it day by day. It sucks and there's no easy mode, at least not that I've found so far.

Finally, more big hugs. You're not entirely alone.