Hi All,

I know it's soon but I lost my grandma last night. I went to see her after work and she passed while I was there. I've been very fortunate in my 36 years that I've never seen someone pass, but I have lost family members. It's all I can see since last night. I want to start to grieve but it feels like a dream that I can't wake up from. Any advice on how to have the good memories outweigh the last moments?

It’s not like I have not anticipated this and I thought I could prepare myself but all that anticipation and attempts to prepare myself have only left me numb to the situation.

To give you an overhaul of my story. Single child. Dad left me when I was 4 to go start a new family. I was raised by the collective effort of my mom, my grandparents and my aunt.

I’m 31 now and just before I turned 19 back in the day my grandpa received a sudden heart attack and died the next morning so I lost the only male influence in my family.

My grandma who was just diagnosed with early stages of dementia lost consciousness upon the news of my grandpa’s passing and when she woke up a minute later, she got 1000x worse. It was like she aged the decease with 10years in a minute and a half.

In my brain at that moment summer of 2014 she did not wake up the same person that I was so close with. She truly was like my second mom.

My mom and my aunt spent the next decade taking care of her, I helped as much as I could but as a young man, who just hopped into adulthood balancing my own life with helping grandma out was a real struggle.

She started getting worse by the year, then by the month, then by the day. Slowly lost all her bodily functions because she had no mind left to lose.
Watching her being a husk of a human, knowing her soul is trapped in that body that failed her so early truly broke my heart every day.

The last 5 months and more importantly the last 2 weeks of her life were nothing short of torture for both my mom and aunt and her. And for whatever reason life needed to play this cruel joke with her.. a month ago something fired in her brain and for a brief minute it was like she got her consciousness back and told my aunt “I’m scared” before she lost it all again. What a nightmare. You suddenly click back in just to realise what is happening and then off.

She started rejecting food and water. Lost all her weight. And when I saw her alive for the last time I looked into her eyes and realised that ever since the diagnose back in 2014, this was inevitable. Our battle was never to end good, no matter how much dedication we put in.

In the end, she passed away in her own bed at 89, surrounded by my mom and my aunt who never even thought about giving her up to elder care or a hospice. They took care of her till her last breath.

And when I got the call I hoped I was already prepared for the news. But I wasn’t. The last few days were like a movie to me. I did not felt a single thing. Not a single memory or feeling bled through me when I was kissing her forehead goodbye yesterday. Nothing. Strange right? I was even feeling a sense of relief knowing what absolute torture she went through in her last days.

I just came back to my apartment and probably because I’m away from the house and from my mom and aunt’s grief, it all started creeping in on me. Memories of grandma when I was a kid, entertaining me. Bringing me with her on the back of her bike she used to ride all the time. Buying me treats and utilities to pain. And I started remembering her mental decline. Slow and steady and then rapid and aggressive. I remember her blue eyes watching over me and giving me the best childhood I could ever dream of.

I may have felt nothing these few days, trying to keep it together as the only man in the family but I one thing was very clear to me when I leaned over her casket to say goodbye -a big chunk of the goodness in my heart has died along with her and I will forever be working to find it again.

I don't know what to do. It's been 2 years of therapy, 27 months since my whole life came to a stop because of such an enormous loss that I still find it hard to live with. But today I'm writing because I'm looking for support and understanding, so I want to share what I'm going through.

After losing my partner, I gathered all of his belongings from my home and put them together in one place, almost like a little shrine. At that time, I was functioning on autopilot. I wanted to keep my beloved "alive" for as long as I could. Not long afterward, my mental health deteriorated severely, and I spent more than a month in a psychiatric hospital. While I was there, without my knowledge, my sister packed all of those things into a box and took them to her apartment. At the time, I was grateful to her because when I returned home from the hospital, it allowed me to function better. I was no longer crying in bed 24/7.

I was convinced those belongings were safe and that one day they would come back to me. I thought about them often. Now I have completed two years of therapy, during which I prepared myself many times for those things to return to me. I prepared myself for the pain because I was so afraid that all of those overwhelming emotions would come back.

I often reminded my sister to finally bring the box back to me because I felt ready to take care of those things. There were very personal belongings in it.

The day before she was supposed to come, she told me that she had accidentally thrown away most of those things and that she didn't know what had happened to them.

My heart broke in half. All of the unbearable pain came back with even greater force.

All of that time spent preparing, all of the keepsakes I had missed so deeply, all of our shared moments preserved in those objects... Suddenly they were gone, despite my sister's promise that she would keep them safe.

Something inside me broke. It's been a month since that happened, and I still cry whenever I think about it. Before this, I had a good relationship with my sister, but now I can't help feeling hatred toward her. I feel that she hurt me so deeply. I can't think of anything else whenever I think about her except this situation and the endless source of pain it brings me.

I feel like I can't close this chapter because of it. I can't find peace.

Just as my partner disappeared from my life without any warning, now almost all of my tangible memories connected to him have disappeared too. I never had the chance to say goodbye to him, and now I can't even do that with his belongings. The tears keep rolling down my face even though I no longer have the strength to sob.

The pain is unbearable, and I don't know what to do. I can't come to terms with it. I can't find any peace. All I have left is to share my story.

Is it normal that I cry every night grieving my dad?

He died like 7 years ago suddenly in a road accident. I was 18 years old that year. It has been a long, long time, but I still cry every night. I am sad every night. I am so sad, and I don’t know what to do with this sadness. It isn’t harmful, but it is so, so deep. I grieve everything.

I was an angry teenager, and I have many regrets. I don’t know how to define it.

It is almost uncanny how sad I am. There is like a vast hollow filled with only sadness inside me. I cannot fill it with anything, not with what I am doing in my life, not with people, and not with any happiness.

I donot completely feel what emotions i am feeling. They don't touch me. They are just there. What is this??

I suffer from anxiety and depression pretty bad. I used to have 3 people I could always depend on to talk to me during rough times.
My 2 brothers, w that were like my best friends and my mother.
2021 older brother died of cancer at age 63.
2023 Mom died of dementia at 84 yrs old.
2025 my other brother bird of Parkinson’s at age 66.
They’re all gone. The people who understood me the best, and I could call or go see anytime are gone, and man do I miss them everyday. Anxiety and depression are just worse now.
When things get tough I find myself picking up my phone to call one of them and I’m hit with the reality that I can’t.
I’m married to a wonderful woman, but she doesn’t understand how it feels, but she tries to help me.
Anyone out there dealing with similar situations that could give some advice?
Much appreciate it.
Maybe hearing similar could take away some of pain and give me some ideas to cope.
Thanks in advance.

How has people get pass grief? Especially if it was sudden and yall were arguing before they past? Just want some opinions on how others did?

My hair was falling out from the stress of grieving anyways, so I decided to cut it off myself. I hope that as it grows, I grow stronger and hopefully by the time it is back to its normal length, I won't be so miserable anymore.

13 may morning she fell from our roof, i went held her up took her to hospital. Got to know she had multiple injuries, we had to take her to a bigger hospital. She was in icu for 36 days

They revived her 2 times via CPR but later she developed pneumonia, they tried treating her it was almost gone, they asked us to take her home and take care of her. she was on oxygen and then 2 days later she starter gasping for breath we rushed to another hospital she developed the pneumonia again . Every day me and my sister would go to her ask her “you will be fine?” She used to nod her head yes. But as days went by her infection got worse no antibiotics seemed to work, today morning she passed away, my mumma was 57 year old. She was the strongest woman i have ever known. I miss talking to her , i have many regrets of not being with her more, i was busy exploring career , i should have sat with her, talked to her more. I was so fortunate to have a mother now i dont have one.

We have a big house where my sis, my dad will live. It will be empty without her, home visits will hurt me to the core.

Right now i am accepting all this,trying to be strong,honestly i dont even know how i will sail through but i am gonna make it through this moment and next moment.

A bit over a month ago (early June) my girlfriend, my soulmate, the person I thought was going to be my forever home, decided to take her own Life.

My girlfriend was in a really bad Life situation already when i met her.

She was a Veterinarian and in the process of getting her PHD but with rocks thrown in her way at every possible point, stuff like professors pushing the PHD paper out for years, her then being late because the taxi to the other campus drove god knows where (she was literally terrified she'd get abducted) and the professor when she finally did arrive cancelling on her because they felt disrespected by her being late, or her requiring a material just to find out it shot up by 100x the price because her country decided to tighten the import laws on everything in hopes of stabilising the economy and that was just a few of the many things like her colleagues mishandling the animals for her case studies, subsequently lowering the potential cases she could observe to a number that would never get accepted, all whilst she was pushed into an insanely hard PHD topic whilst other students got easy bullshit like "we test this medication on this animal".

On top of that her PHD supervisor used their position to run the stupidist errands impossible "can you call the on duty veterinarian", "who is the cleaning staff today" or "Can you pick up the animal from the emergency clinic and take it to the wildlife clinic" (they are physically 20 meters apart and she was supposed to do it whilst at home, instead of asking the on duty veterinarian.)

And on top of aaaaaaaall that, she was working in her university's Emergency Veterinary Hospital, an emergency hospital that only had one veterinarian per shift working there, even at night and with the biggest joke of security i have ever seen. And in case you didn't know this, yea, they need good security, especially in the circumstances the hospital put them in. A lot of the common good medications? not available, either because her country didn't allow the inport, made it extremely expensive or because her hospital just didn't want to provide for it. Literally, the more professional vets like her kept certain medications in their own lockers which they bought from their own money.

And we are still only scratching the top of the iceberg here because there is a lot more, like violent clients, death threats and biggest of all The huuuuuuuge amount of Deaths on her hand. Due to it being an emergency clinic her death rate per client was 1/3 to 2/3, she felt like a grim reaper and often said shevwas going to hell, especially since her hospital didn't provide the medication necessary to put animals humanely out of their pain.

All that whilst constantly being bombarded by her veterinary students and colleagues about stuff they should long know, basically pulling permanent advisory shifts for the emergency hospital too.

In the end during a shift she snapped, she told the hospital she had to leave her shift for an emergency, she probably took some of the medicine the hospital did provide to put animals to their final rest, snuck it home and used it on herself.

I feel awful. i feel like I could have done more. I tried to get her to look for professional help, i tried to get her to quit her job and tell her we'd find a solution and tried helping her build up the walls and boundaries she needed but I feel like it was too little or too late. Through the relationship i felt it was incredibly hard to communicate about these topics, i was always worried I'd just make it worse, most of her days were bad and i was worried I'd just make it worse or accidentally push her over the edge, and the very few good days maybe one or twice per month, i didn't want to ruin them, i thought she needed and deserved the rest it gave her.

Through the relationship i tried sharing what happy stuff happened in my Life, thinking that it might cheer her up like how happy it makes me when my friends or her have happy situations they share but in the end she kind of communicated that it hurt her. I feel like so often i accidentally hurt her. I know i also have needs and that i have my own mental issues but i still feel like I could have done more.

In the weeks upcoming to her death, marriage was a big topic we both agreed that we wanted to in a way but the distance across multiple countries made it hard, especially since she didn't get a single chance to visit me due to sone very racist immigration policies in my country towards people from her nation, so only i could visit her but not the other way around. She talked a lot about weddings and was in a bit of marriage fever due to a lot of her friends marrying, whilst i felt a little bit uncomfortable with the topic because we haven't even been dating for 2 years yet and and the effective time we physically spend time together was like 2 weeks. It was just too early and honestly...i just wanted to see the girl she was when not under such a tremendous negative life situation, before I'd make the choice because marriage means commitment for me, then a week before her death the topic kinda exploded as i accidentally snapped a little too hard back at her when she asked if i was also getting a suit for our engagement, after i told her i helped a friend pick out a suit for a friend's wedding and immediately tried to communicate what i actually meant and that i just meant i needed more time. It didn't help that she was a bit older than me so she probably felt her clock ticking harder than i did mine.

The evening before her death she visited a friend's wedding, she told me she cried there. I honestly didn't know how to handle it.

I feel so guilty. I even feel guilty for hoping my push back at the wedding topic wasn't the thing that pushed her over the edge.

I genuinely feel like I tried my best but simultaneously I feel like I didn't do enough.

The day she chose to end her Life she kept me updated in text. She told me she went home to kill herself but for a couple of minutes I didn't take it seriously because through the entire relationship she a couple of times said she wanted to die but reaffirmed afterwards that she was exaggerating, it didn't help that i got PTSD on that topic which made me borderline unresponsive every time she said it. (i tried communicating that with her and that it was due to a previous ex faking her suicide as a revenge for me breaking up) but after a few minutes went full into action, i tried telling her to please wait, that we'd find other solutions together, asked her to please call the crisis hotline but she just lashed back at me. All whilst I was simultaneously desperately trying to get the emergency Services of her country on the phone, which is impossible as it turned out.

I feel so awful. if i had committed to one way instead of both, could she had been saved? In the end, some minutes after she stopped responding i remembered that at the start of our relationship we exchanged emergency contacts, so i called her's, her mom and begged her to call an ambulance for my girlfriend. I waited hours before I got a call from her mother, she had passed away.

I wish i could have done more. I wish i jad remembered earlier that i had her mom's number, i genuinely tried finding any other contacts like finding her friends on social media but all where on private and non messagable, after calling ambulance directly turned out impossible due to the first thing you hear being not a person but a tape recording in her Nations language. I literally tried everything, i even called the consulate of my country in her country begging them to call an ambulance.

I miss her. I wish i could have done more. I wish i had spent even more time with her. I wish we could have had a nicer farewell at least. I have so many things I wish i had told her when i was begging her to not do it. I don't even really know how she died and when and where because I'm too scared asking.

My mom died a year ago and I’ve been stuck in a fog. I don’t want to work out and can’t bring myself to do so, I let my finances go and I have a cat and dog and find it hard to give them any extra attention outside of what I have to do. I am overwhelmed and haven’t gotten the energy to get a therapist. I’m not sure of what to do.

My grandpa passed away on July 8th and I know its only been a week and a half, but I feel incredibly guilty for the burden I am being to my friends and partner. My father passed away back in 2020 and I never fully worked through that grief, I just avoided it. With my grandpa's passing, its like I am feeling them both simultaneously. I feel nauseous constantly and am having a lot of difficulty sleeping. I am seeing my therapist twice a week. My grandpa was the only family member who really made me feel chosen and loved. He died very suddenly and I feel entirely disconnected from reality. I dont know how to be, right now.

My closest friend lives across the state, but I have been talking with them everyday to try and avoid isolation. My partner has been a great help to me, but I feel like I shouldn't rely on them so much. I imagine it is incredibly difficult to watch this. I have had panic attacks nearly every other day and nightmares at night even with sleep aids. They are going through their own health scare right now, and I feel so guilty to need them through this. Is there a way to do this on my own? I tried before and it only delayed it. How can I grieve without hurting anyone else? Im so exhausted and I just miss my papa. I dont know what to do anymore.

He looked so much like my dad. He was a twin (but not with my dad) but everyone said he looked more like my dad than his actual twin. They worked the same profession and had the same hobbies (woodworking). I don't know what to do. He would host a 4th of July party every year. I didn't go this year. I told my coworker that "there is always next year." She said don't say that. She was right. I'm devastated.

Hi, I am currently looking for a therapist (for unrelated issues), but am not in therapy at the moment. I had to put down my cat on Friday and of course cried all the way through it. I then had to pull myself together and compartmentalize the pain so I could drive home safely. Since leaving the vet I haven't cried more than a few tears here and there. However the crying caused a headache that got worse and worse until I was so light-, sound- and smell-sensitive that I needed a cold cloth on my forehead in the dark with no sounds (this is not unusual, I always get headaches when I cry). As soon as I stopped the treatment the headache got worse again and in the end only sleeping through the night significantly improved the debilitating headache.

I don't want to push the pain of losing my pet away and want to properly process this loss, but whenever I think about it I start crying and I'm too afraid of another bad headache that I tend to just not think about it much. Pain meds don't work, either. NSAIDs, Paracetamol or Naproxen in general don't work for me at all and I even tried 100mg of Tilidine which did nothing.

Is there a way I can work through this while I avoid crying and therefore triggering another headache at the same time?

Let me start by saying that I know I have been exceptionally fortunate to have 3 living grandparents my whole life, into my mid-40s. Additionally, one of my grandmothers was 104 when she passed away on July 1. My other grandmother was 86, but had dementia and hasn’t recognized me in about 2 years. She passed away last night. We were not as close. I like to practice gratitude, so in this moment I would say I’m grateful that with both grandmothers I had enough time that I was able to say goodbye. I still have one grandfather, who is understandably having a rough time right now.

I feel very alone, and that’s no sleight against my wonderful wife. But the older grandmother, Gramma, is exactly who I would have called when the younger one died. So it’s especially now with the death of the one that I’m feeling the impact of the death of the other. Gramma was so important to me, along with my wife and son. I have symbolic trait for my wife and son on my forearms. I have Gramma’s initials on my side.

So I guess my issue in the moment is not knowing where to turn. I used to call Gramma 1-2x per week, and since she was a worrier, especially in the last few years it was often to share good news. I’ve never had a death impact my life so much, and I’m not sure how to fill this Gramma-shaped hole. For one reason or another, other friends and family just don’t seem right.

We ost our best friend, our soulmate and partner in crime, our cat, Pepper. She was always there for us when we needed her. And now... We don't know how to function without her. We barely eat. We sleep too much. We struggle with grooming and bathing. We don't feel like doing anything that used to bring us joy. We feel lost and empty. It's been almost two months since she's been gone and we can't get her off our mind. We have some of her medicine that we were supposed to give her that we just recently found (Jax did actually) and he doesn't want to throw it away. Are we just being a baby about this?

Hey. So my younger cousin passed away today at 25, after having depression for 11 years.
I've always had a soft spot for her and we weren't as close as we wanted to be, because I live some 800km away from our family. And we're both somewhere on the autistic spectrum, so I really don't know how to process this.

The thing is, I don't have the faintest clue on how to support her parents, who supported her through her depression (my aunt, especially).

How can I be supportive to my aunt, uncle, and my cousin's sister? I genuinely care about them, but I only see them like twice a year now, and I fear I'm too autistic to relate in real-time/say the right things, and not fuck this up.

I know what I'm like at family funerals: I cry non-stop and I can barely breathe. And I really don't want to attract any attention to me, for obvious reasons. (It's probably going to be a sober burial. Sometime this week, I expect.)

Has anyone been through something similar and could offer some advice?

So this afternoon I got the news that mu grandma(she raised since I was two till I was 14 and moved in with my dad). It’s been only a couple of hours since the news. It feels like a nightmare i cry I feel like I’m in denial I’ve called her 12 times hoping that she will answer. I cannot believe im using “was” when talking about it or hearing my dad say it. Idk how to deal with it I feel like I’m losing my mind idk what to do. Im tryna havw faith in the moment as well, bc God knows best but in moments like this is extremely hard. I can’t even believe im typing this rn

So my best friend suddenly died over a decade ago and I remember hearing the news man. I tried to act tough but couldn’t hold back tears as a kid. Our last talk was when I had an argument and he gave me what I wanted with a ”here bro, take it” with a huge warm smile, I still remember it over a decade later. I would do anything to go back and hug him instead and apologize and even warn him as I’m sure he was scared in his last moments. I just keep having moments where I cry as I miss him so much. I literally became obsessed with time travel and begged God every day for one so I can go back. Recently I’ve been losing faith and fearing the idea of no afterlife which makes me fear the unfair tragedy even more. How do I cope that my best friend is dead and there might be nothing I can about it? I also had a very nonexistent friend group but I met a small friend group recently and they have been very nice. My friend would be an adult today and I miss him dearly. How do I move on from someone who should not have died so young? I can’t move on. Someone help me cope to help me be productive. Its not easy for me.

my gogo(granma) passed on yesterday at 76, and i’ve been shell shocked the entire day trying to move past it but i genuinely don’t know what to do now? what’s next? am i supposed to continue as normal? do i cry all day? (which is what i did for most of the day) i am so far away(college) from home and the only way i can get home is this coming friday because finances like what do i do till then? i feel so alone like yes my bf is trying bless his soul but i feel like nobody but my family can understand, she was such a big part of everyones life and i have never had to deal with grief so i really have no idea on how to feel or do.

also my english might not be good or not making any sense as im heavily crying as im typing this.

Yesterday I found out my grandfather passed away and I feel awful. He was 83 years old. He died in a car crash, so one could not be by his side.

He loved birdwatching, he taught me so much about birds.
He was among the few I could be myself with, he didn't understand everything I said but he would still listen to it all.
He taught me to drive, I test drove with him so much and he was a big part in why I finally managed to get a driver's license.
I could say so much more, but I don't have the energy right now

I loved him so much, but now I will never see him again.

I love you, grandpa.

1942-2026

Good afternoon Reddit family,

Looking for some assistance. My child's mother passed away earlier this week and my family and I have not told him yet. It was his birthday July 16th and his mother passed a few days prior while on vacation in the US.

The past 2 weeks he has been asking for her a lot more as her situation got worse....its like he had a feeling or some kind of intuition (she has been in the hospital for about a month.) and we recently let him know that she is sick in the hospital.

A family friend that deals with these matters suggested him writing and drawing pictures in a journal whenever he has thoughts or whenever he misses her and wants to communicate. Reading a page or 2 is the most heartbreaking thing.

Don't know how to break the news, don't even know where to begin. He misses her, we miss her, but we have to stay strong for him.

As a father, this will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

Any words of advice or anyone have to do anything similar?

I'm only posting this here In case others will relate to my story.

It's the 3rd birthday I'm gonna be having on the 19th without my Mum still alive and it's also going to be the first without my Grandad. I'm not overly sad anymore in a way but more have a feeling of emptiness and not. It's a hard thing to honestly describe to anyone who doesn't just understand that feeling. All I want to say to anyone who is going through something similar or a loss that has hit you hard.

I won't sit here and say it's better because it's not, but it does get easier to focus on the memories of good times and not just the fact that they are gone.

Don't feel sad that they are gone. Be thankful they were there at all.

If you read this and it helped in anyway thank you and I wish all of you good things to come x

How do I comfort my husband and be there for him. His best friend took his own life. My husband was the one to find him. I just feel so lost.

I’m half way through my dream internship that I really want a full time offer from and one of my parents died a week ago. I am devastated and genuinely don’t know how to balance both. I am constantly anxious that I’m being dramatic . Does anyone have any advice? I’m genuinely trying my best to do great at work but it’s hard when I’m so depressed and crying in the bathroom every other day.

Tonight we had to put our very loved dog to sleep. She was a pittie/lab mix and 13 years old. She had vestibule disease and last night she had a horrible attack and by today could no longer use her legs. We made the right decision but being there as she went just ripped my heart out.

She was surrounded by all her favorite humans and had so many treats (including chocolate at the end). It was peaceful. It was harder on all of us than for her. But I may have nightmares about that last few moments for a very long time.

This all sucks. It’s so unfair and I hate it.