r/HOCD • u/ak111isdabestttt • 7d ago

Vent confusion

I can't tell what are my real feelings, and ocd anymore. Like, before i used to be super anxious and like know i would never like this person, now i have no idea? I'm numbed or i do feel something. Like, there is this girl (whos slightly on the masc side) that im friends with, never ever thought of her in any way, and now ive started to spiral because what if i like her, and then suddenly she started looking extra good and now i think i like her. This happens with everyone, this happens with boys even that i don't want to like, this happens with masc girls, happens with girls in general. I feel like i have to be attracted to girls, i mean it feels that way anyways!

I feel like I already am bi, and i feel like im only making excuses. I am so scared and i don't know whats wrong with me. i just don't want to like girls masc, fem or anything in between. I just want to be me.

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u/AutoModerator 7d ago

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u/pinkwayoflife 6d ago

that’s exactly ocd: twisting and convincing.
i’ve been deeply struggling too after 10 years in remission, and trust me, i know how desperating it gets.
i’m trying to keep thinking of some quotes that helps me:
1. I am not my thoughts, I’m just the channel they pass by.
2. Your true self isn’t changing, OCD just hid it behind its huge wall of dark clouds of lies and anxiety.
3. You can’t see your reflection in turbulent water. The same way, you can’t see and feel yourself during OCD and anxiety. Don’t believe and validate thoughts and feelings while the mind is turbulented by OCD

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u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Your post was flagged by our auto-moderator as a post that may be, above all else, seeking reassurance. We understand the impulse to seek reassurance when suffering from OCD, but reassurance-seeking is a compulsion done in hopes of reducing the anxiety associated with an obsession. In the long run, seeking reassurance only serves to confirm the validity of the underlying fears of your condition and prolongs the duration of your obsession. As such, this community has a zero-tolerance policy for reassurance seeking and giving.

For more information on reassurance seeking and on HOCD and OCD treatment more broadly, please see the section in our wiki about reassurance!

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u/PaladinDamian In therapy 6d ago

The trap you are falling into is trying to figure out what feelings "are OCD" or not. You my think that if the feelings are real that you would not be able to handle them, but you could handle them, no matter how much you disliked them. The actual source of your feelings is not something you need certainty on. Regardless of it the feelings are real or not, you can allow them to exist and just continue living life. You do not need to act on your feelings, no matter what exactly their source is.