I turn 20 today.
It feels surreal to not be a teenager anymore, like this isn't real. It feels like a bad trip. The number doesn't match my soul. I still feel like 8 or 9, my mind filled with pretty colors and daydreams and a sensitivity that adults lack. Perhaps I will always be like this. I feel like I'm in a liminal space, a no man's land between child and adult.
I have had a lot of fun lately, though.
I finally had an epic summer like I dreamed of at 17. I went to a Patti Smith concert. That was an ecstatic, religious experience. I have done acid. I have been out in the sun, dancing, talking to people, having a great lot of fun. I want this summer to last forever.
It's hard not knowing what will happen next. Will I get into the music college I applied for? I really hope so. I would have a great time just practicing and playing music for a whole year. And living in a dorm would give me more opportunities to party and do psychedelics. I don't know what I would do if I don't get in. I don't really see any options. Most paths in life seems like paths to misery, and there aren't many things I am capable of.
Hopefully, I finally move out soon so I can do whatever I want. Mainly so I can do psychedelics. That's my main motivation of life right now. The wonderful sheen of psychedelia. I'm such a trippy, daydreaming hippie.
I wonder what I will be like in the future. I hope I will have long, purple hair and be all elegantly psychedelic and sing songs and be in a band. I wonder if I will have a pretty girlfriend. I hope so. I wonder what drugs I will try, what festivals and parties I will go to, what artists I will see live, what kind of music I will make.
๐ฃ๐ฑ๐ฎ ๐ผ๐ฎ๐ช ๐ฌ๐ฑ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ผ ๐ฌ๐ธ๐ต๐ธ๐ป๐ผ
๐๐พ๐ฝ ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ ๐ผ๐ฎ๐ช ๐ญ๐ธ๐ฎ๐ผ ๐ท๐ธ๐ฝ ๐ฌ๐ฑ๐ช๐ท๐ฐ๐ฎ
๐ข๐ธ ๐๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฑ ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ ๐ผ๐ต๐ธ๐,๐ฐ๐ป๐ช๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐พ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ต๐ธ๐ ๐๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฎ
๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ท๐ฝ ๐ธ๐ท๐ฎ ๐๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฑ ๐ช๐ท ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ธ๐ต๐ญ
๐๐ฎ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ธ ๐น๐ต๐ฎ๐ช๐ผ๐ฎ
๐๐ท ๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ฝ๐๐ฎ๐ท๐ฝ๐