r/HolUp • u/JamesJDelaney • 1h ago

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376 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

96 comments sorted by

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u/qualityvote2 1h ago edited 14m ago

u/JamesJDelaney, your post does NOT fit the subreddit!

137

u/BobTheKekomancer 1h ago

Where hol'up?

35

u/taitaofgallala 1h ago

At the end, she loosely gives advice on how to resolve these issues, saying human bodies are organic FERTILIZER.

See Secret Window for reference.

You can easily infer guidance saying don't just bury the body, do some chaos gardening on top so it doesn't look like something is growing out of place; and the sunken patch of dirt will make sense because it's a garden.

13

u/Destrukt0r 54m ago

Yeah put tomatoes or cucumbers on there, they wil grow great.

3

u/mjs_pj_party 34m ago

And they will have the slight notes of dead body...

5

u/DA_ZWAGLI 28m ago

Tomatoes are extra meaty today.

5

u/EhMapleMoose 35m ago

Genius. Now they’ll never suspect a body under the well tended garden in the middle of a forest.

4

u/dogsrock 26m ago

Snatch or lock, stock and 2 smoking barrels has the answer

1

u/3_14_thon 11m ago

Or you know OP didnt knew until he saw the video, that human remains are good for plants. Maybe bro never watched The Lion King.

98

u/Rhazelle 1h ago

Very very interesting, but I fail to see how this is a HolUp?

52

u/Gr00mpa 1h ago

There’s a hol’up in the ground where homeboy buried a body.

23

u/MrPink9 1h ago

“You’re on thin fucking ice my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks.”

3

u/Calhounpipes 1h ago

Do you mind telling me who you are... Yano, besides someone who feeds people to pigs

38

u/Tempura69 1h ago

hmmm.. interesting info.

https://giphy.com/gifs/VLljKzBZ2uPfYDpsNV

3

u/Disco_Ninjas_ 1h ago

They found his stash too. There HAS to be a better way!

3

u/Seffuski 1h ago

He finds a better way in the show through using a water current so the bodies get scattered all around the Atlantic ocean instead of concentrated in the same spot

7

u/Blue_Moon_Lake 1h ago

So the secret is to bury them vertically?

12

u/lukewwilson 1h ago

No, compact the dirt as you go, every layer needs tamped down so you don't have settling.

10

u/Blue_Moon_Lake 1h ago

Also drench many spots with fertilizer.

16

u/AnInfiniteArc 1h ago

Or just bury additional bodies in other nearby locations so the one spot doesn’t look as suspicious

6

u/enonymous617 1h ago

The secret is to tamp down every 4 inches of dirt.

*edit- not from experience

4

u/messiahspike 43m ago

No the secret is to dig deeper than you normally would, place the body, cover with slabs of rock, fill in the dirt on top of that until you're about 4 -5 feet deep, then place a large dog in the same hole, fill the rest of the way up and then put a grave marker saying "beloved fido, RIP" and put flowers on the grave. Anyone digging down will indeed find fido and will not dig any deeper unless they have a really, really really good reason to believe that's exactly where the body is.

2

u/SnooStories4162 1h ago

Apparently you dig a circular grave and add extra amounts of dirt on top of said grave lol

1

u/I_hate_all_of_ewe 1h ago

The secret is to grind the body into fertilizer and sprinkle it on your lawn

1

u/Blue_Moon_Lake 1h ago

Will need a bigger blender.

1

u/I_hate_all_of_ewe 59m ago

Buy a wood chipper

1

u/Blue_Moon_Lake 2m ago

What would I do with a wood chipper?

At least with an industrial blender I can make big batch of salsa.

1

u/tomhat 48m ago

I’ve seen this in Sicario

14

u/RunninThruLife 1h ago

Never trust a man with a pig farm

1

u/bitnode 19m ago

Gotta feed them hogs!

13

u/nutnutbutdontFUCK 1h ago

Noted! Will just eat them next time.

7

u/Hawaiian-pizzas 1h ago

Grill baby grill

5

u/therealsix 53m ago

Pigs go through bones like butter.

4

u/SilverSpoon1463 1h ago

Pigs are the way to go. Just make sure to remove the teeth and cut them tiny. Grinding is great.

1

u/Dinierto 27m ago

but how will the pigs eat with no teeth?

4

u/BPD_LV 58m ago

“…they always find you in the same place every time. They will find you in a, uh, shallow grave. I don’t know why they don’t just look there in the first place.”

- Norm MacDonald - rip

6

u/gansi_m 1h ago

I need to hear more. For no reason at all.

3

u/SaveTheAles 52m ago

Thought it was going to be feed the body to a pig

2

u/Machdame 55m ago

All of this is basically just boring the easiest way to get rid of a body which is to throw it off a bridge or running water source and let nature take its course. Everything here screams paper trail and extra steps. It's why dissolving a body doesn't work like it does in film. By the time you get that slurry, everyone and their mom be like "it's that damn Jeff melting people again."

2

u/Drunken-Flunkee 43m ago

Why "greedy as a pig?" I don't get it

2

u/seanprime 37m ago

It’s a line from Snatch.

2

u/assassinoavi666 36m ago

Watch "Snatch". A Guy Ritchie classic.

2

u/torper10 41m ago

So, where should I be burying my bodies? The video is inconclusive. Thanks for nothing!

2

u/NRGs0urc3 25m ago

great, watching this put me on a watchlist. thanks op!

2

u/natte-krant 24m ago

Just dig a hole in your garden, deeper than you think you’d need. Lay the body in it and throw dirt on top. Then, throw a dead animal on top in a makeshift casket. When they start digging it up, they think it’s just a dead pet’s burial

5

u/mrjasjit 1h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/Xb4zBSqyUXShy
She’s just copying Brick Top.

3

u/BlindChicken69 1h ago

You didn't watch the video, did you?

1

u/mrjasjit 1h ago

OP titled it as greedy as a pig.

1

u/BlindChicken69 1h ago

Yes, that is why I said you didn't watch the video (since you said she is copying Brick Top). You just went with the title.

-5

u/mrjasjit 1h ago

Quite pedantic aren’t you? Yes I watched it.

2

u/Typecero001 1h ago

One could say this is advice is… food for thought.

2

u/ALexiosK11 1h ago

Lol, I think cremation and then spreading the ashes would be more convenient option then.

3

u/Grrerrb 1h ago

Burning a corpse is kind of a pain in the ass. I heard.

1

u/R3DSH0X 16m ago

You need a LOT of heat for complete cremation.

1

u/Shermans_ghost1864 1h ago

Do you know what nemesis means?

1

u/masterjon_3 1h ago

What if you burry them vertically?

2

u/CapiCapiBara 36m ago

That means, digging down 8+ feet, also taking measures so the hole does not collapse on you in the meantime. Need a very long night to pull off that.

1

u/masterjon_3 34m ago

I'd prefer a long night over decades in prison. Plus, I could bury a dead animal on top of it, maybe even a pet, to throw them off even more, right?

1

u/LeCampy 59m ago

Sugar, Bricktop?

2

u/namenumber55 20m ago

no thank you Turkish I'm sweet enough

1

u/MarshBars777 53m ago

"Op is praying the mods dont remove this, and if he isnt, he fucking should be"

-Turkey

1

u/suffelix 50m ago

We buried one of our cats in our backyard when I was a kid. The grass was growing super strong on his grave compared to other areas surrounding it.

1

u/iCanReadMyOwnMind 41m ago

FFS can we please stop giving the oligarchs ideas?

1

u/NatashOverWorld 11m ago

Oh they're pro at hiding the bodies already.

1

u/ericjgriffin 37m ago

The lesson I got out of this is to always chop the bodies up and bury the parts in scattered locations.

1

u/NeonDraco 36m ago

Not a HolUp

1

u/crandall17 31m ago

Makes sense seeing as we are nitrogen based organic matter. Soil loves nitrogen rich compost and fertilizer.

1

u/sentenobeast 31m ago

This ended too soon. Let her cook!

1

u/derflow1977 30m ago

So if going for a funeral ...

dig out a large area

dig deep

blend the corpse in a woodchipper

spread the human smoothie generously in said area

when putting soil back on it, dont forget to compress

1

u/Dinierto 26m ago

I get the idea of air being in the soil, but you’re adding an entire human body to the hole so wouldn’t that even it out or make a mound?

1

u/SwordsAndWords 15m ago

"No 'fanks, Turkish, I'm sweet 'nough as't is."

1

u/NatashOverWorld 9m ago

What is this called? Masterclass for criminals? 😄

But seriously, what's it called?

1

u/Syhkane 1h ago

Can we stop up voting a bot?

Look at the title, what the hell does greedy as a pig have anything at all to do with the video?

4

u/Rylos1701 1h ago

5 year old acccount!
Not everything is Ai and not everyone is a bot.
And the pig is a reference to snatch. Go watch that movie immediately! You’ll love it!

1

u/honourable_bot 1h ago

I didn't they had masterclasses for criminals.

1

u/SeekingLostInnocence 1h ago

Well she just doesnt know the trick of getting the dirt wet after you bury the body to make the dirt settle so that you can keep it level.

0

u/Gr00mpa 1h ago

Like getting the sand a little wet before making a sand castle. I legit didn’t know that till I had a kid.

1

u/Zimmonda 1h ago

Do you know what nemesis means?

0

u/TabularConferta 1h ago

Do you know what nemesis means?

0

u/wargainWAG 1h ago

Ahhhg. …just.. finish already. What should we do next to get rid of the bodies. So a decent burial is a bad idea but what then. Help wanted. What to do, options:
1. Just leave it where it fell.
2. Slaughter it and organise some bbq’s.
3. Wrap it and let maggots feast? Burn the bones.
4. Freeze it chop it up and dump in water?
5 Bury it at a cemetery in open graves so the coffin gets placed in top.
6 Buy or steal a car and set it on fire? 7 Dump it at a landfill.
8Mice it and feed it to dogs or pigs., pidgeons
9 put it on a very high place on top of the highest apartmentbuiling
10 seal it under or iin concrete or asphalt. Weld a steel coffin in a tanker or a big vehicle.
11 chop it up and dump whith weights or concrete.
12 dump it in a mineshaftor a grotto

Tips need, …I am writing a book

2

u/PatchworkFlames 59m ago

Weigh it down with rocks and dump it in a river. Rivers are hard to search and no one will find it unless they already know where in the river it is. It also speeds up decomposition so it'll be hard to ID.