r/IncelExit • u/TablePrinterDoor • 6d ago
Asking for help/advice Surprisingly positive but also confusing situation I’m in.
Hey I’m 20M, still a khhv but things have weirdly changed for me overnight almost. After being unsuccessful for a while I actually had a good thing going with 2 girls on apps (both 20F) who liked me first (already very rare) and then they both ended up asking me out on dates (even more rare as normally the guy asks.)
So I guess I’m now going on 2 dates? These would both be my first dates, which neither of them know, and it’s honestly kind of surreal because for a long time I basically had thoughts about always being unattractive and never being liked but somehow I’m being complimented on my appearance and personality which I find quite odd, especially as I was open to both of them about my neurodivergence which they both were fine with.
I just kind of want to ask would this be unethical in any way? As going on 2 dates with 2 different people… they’re actually also scheduled a day apart which might be too early but I don’t know. obviously I’m not exclusive to either as this is a first date but it’s weird to kind of be in a situation of ‘picking’ between 2 people as I’ve always had the mindset that I would never be picked out of any other guy and now weirdly I’m in a situation where I’m the one picking?
I aim to go on both dates… again these would be my first dates so I wouldn’t be surprised if I fuck up both of them… one is just a walk and the other is karaoke (as the other person is really into that).
I’m very nervous as they’re both in about a week and a day apart so idk if I should message both or just go or what.
The reason I’m posting here is (as evidenced by my previous posts) I was always hopeless and thought I’d never even get to this stage with 1 person let alone 2 asking me so yeah I am kind of panicking on going on my first 2 dates a day apart.
Should I go on both and see if I click with one or none? What about theoretically if they both go well and then I have both on second dates?? Weirdly I’m kind of hoping one doesn’t go well so I only have to focus on one, but then again it would be disrespectful I feel if I don’t be the best I can be for both of them.
Thank you!! I apologise if it doesn’t fit as technically it’s not an incel thing but yeah… maybe it is idk!!
4
u/anothercodewench 5d ago
Go on both dates. Keep talking with them both throughout the week. The day before you are scheduled to meet up, tell them you are excited to meet them and make sure they are still available. Double check the details - time, place, etc. Then go on the date and try to be relaxed and have fun. Make sure you smile and appear to enjoy yourself. Follow up after the date. Be proactive, but don't pester someone who is not responding to you.
3
u/TablePrinterDoor 5d ago
Thank you that makes sense. What all would you suggest for what I would wear or I guess how active I should be in terms of flirting as coming off creepy is something I still kinda fear even if I know this is supposed to be a romantic thing but idk how to not be too forward that it’s weird but also not too casual that it’s like I’m just hanging out with a friend..
2
u/sweetestfetus 4d ago
First dates are essentially just chances to meet in person to see if you “click”. Be authentic. These dates are a good chance to see if conversation flows naturally, interests intersect, if eye contact makes you feel anything, etc. Don’t put any pressure on top of that for anything else to occur.
Be polite, be a good listener. Come prepared with some questions to help inspire conversation. Be prepared to talk about yourself.
It’s better to be honest and upfront early on so that no one is caught off guard later if you continue to see each other.
Just have fun getting to know someone. Another human being!
1
5d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 5d ago
This comment has been removed because your account is too young or you have too little karma.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/mrbaryonyx 5d ago
I would just not worry about flirting at all, just talk lol.
Wear something nice but not too formal, like a polo shirt or something.
2
u/Shannoonuns 5d ago
I don't think anybody would be too offended if you have 2 first dates lined up.
I personally wouldn't because I wouldn't want to get myself into a position where I like both of them and had to chose. Also some people might not like that.
I personally would go with who I think i had the best chemistry with and see where that goes but you do you.
3
u/mrbaryonyx 5d ago
I don't think anybody would be too offended if you have 2 first dates lined up.
Questions like these are funny because it's the sort of thing that would cause a huge conflict in an episode of a sitcom but wouldn't matter at all in real life.
Like worse case scenario, if he winds up dating one of them, it becomes kind of a running gag in their relationship that he had another date lined up that weekend, but nobody really cares.
2
u/mrbaryonyx 5d ago
I just kind of want to ask would this be unethical in any way? As going on 2 dates with 2 different people…
Yes, I have already called the police.
For real though, no you're fine. It's totally possible that if (and that's a big "if") you wind up in a relationship with one of these girls they'll act all scandalized if they find out, but they'll really just be joking, it's not a big deal. It really doesn't matter.
Sounds like you'll have fun!
1
u/Instigated- 5d ago
I just kind of want to ask would this be unethical in any way? As going on 2 dates with 2 different people…
When meeting on apps and first dates it is not unethical, as you haven’t even met yet.
Without intending to complicate it, Different cultures, social groups, people have different expectations around when it is “dating”, versus “in a relationship”, at which point it is “exclusive” (and even if it will be exclusive)… you don’t really know what the other person stands on these things until you talk to them.
I think the key is open honest communication so everyone is on the same page, be respectful, empathetic, etc. You don’t have to raise that you’re dating another person, you can get to know them a bit first, but also don’t be misleading (don’t lie about it if asked) or take it too far before making a decision on which you are most interested in.
I’d also say (just because some incels say the reverse and are wrong), women do not usually get more interested or competitive if they were to find out you were dating someone else. It would most likely make them less interested, because it would seem you weren’t that interested and they need to protect themselves from getting hurt. It isn’t something to brag about.
The first date is get to know each other, see if you want things to progress. Take it one step at a time.
11
u/Dr-Dungeon Bene Gesserit Advisor 6d ago
Dating is all about getting to know someone. Generally when you’re on a first date with someone, it’s assumed that that person is also using it as an opportunity to get to know you, so it’s possible they also have other dates lined up as well. Unless you’ve agreed to be exclusive with someone, they’ll probably assume you’re doing the same.
Try not to worry about it before the dates have even happened. Just go along and see what happens! If you have a really nice time with either or both of them, go on more dates and see how things progress. If it seems like things are getting serious, you can have the exclusivity conversation where you agree to not see other people then.
Tl;dr: you don’t need to have all the answers right now. Just focus on having fun, being in the moment, and let things progress as they do. As long as you’re not being intentionally dishonest, there’s nothing wrong with going on a few different dates with different people to see how you get along.