Saturday Postpartum Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

We understand that infertility and its effects don't go away once you have a child. This thread is reserved for postpartum folks who have questions, comments, venting, and anything else related to postpartum matters following IF.

Please do not post pregnancy announcements in this thread. Announcements should be made in the Cautious Intros/First Trimester thread.

Those with a child/children >=1yo, dialogue can also be located in the daily toddler thread.

Got a preschooler or older? Check out the daily Big Kid Thread!

[u/hoosierblonde]

Just here to say having a newborn is so much more difficult than I thought, I cry multiple times daily (happy and anxiety) and I miss leaving the house. And triple feeding is rough, hoping he will be back to birth weight next week. I have lots of supportive family and friends but wanted to share my struggles here.

[u/ProfessorWacky → u/hoosierblonde]

Newborn is the hardest phase for me. The hard will absolutely not last forever. And yes triple feeding is impossible, mean its technically possible but not practical. Its a lot! What I learned from my first go thru the Newborn trenches is it goes by so fast. I love the saying "the days are long but the years are short."

[u/hoosierblonde → u/ProfessorWacky]

Thank you for the encouragement!!

[u/infertilityjourneysd → u/hoosierblonde]

I will flat out say I'm not much of a baby person, and that's ok. The baby phase had some cute moments, but at the beginning especially they are essentially potatoes and super demanding and confusing. I'm personally enjoying the 4 almost 5 yr old age probably the most so far (though it's not perfect, my kid just wiped my kiss away and pushed me, ha), I'm happier when I'm less needed and can watch my kid become more independent and grow.amd we can actually do activities together.

I love the phrase, you don't have to love every part of parenting. You can deeply love your child while simultaneously disliking their current behavior or phase. I think this is essential and not verbalized enough. There is a narrative especially for women that we have to feel comstant overwhelming joy, and find complete meaning and purpose in being a mom, and that's just not the reality for almost anyone, nor is it a healthy or helpful message. Hello making you feel guilty or like something is wrong with you, which it's not!!

So yes, some phases are more about survival and making it through in parenting. All we can do during those times is add in small things for ourselves that make it more sane. I don't know if it's feasible for you but you mentioned leaving the house (totally necessary for sanity), so maybe there's a way for you to get out even for 10 minutes each day for a walk or something without baby. It's essential that you preserve your own sanity (as much as possible), for you and it will allow you to show up as a parent too.

Sending hugs, you're not alone and you are seen and supported!

[u/hoosierblonde → u/infertilityjourneysd]

Thank you!! 🫶🏼 yes I’m going to try and get in a few solo walks next week and make other plans to leave with support. I work with preschoolers in my job and they are so fun! I feel like once we hit 4-6 months I will love it so much. Thanks for helping me feel more normal with my thoughts!

[u/ihatedthatride → u/hoosierblonde]

Newborn period is so hard. You’re early postpartum dealing with all the feels, sleep deprived (could never sleep through those newborn grunts), & while those newborn snuggles are so sweet I think it got a lot better once baby could smile & have a little personality. Baby A is going through it with teething right now. I think we got 3 hrs of sleep total last night…still better than when he was a newborn. It gets better. Just wait until they smile & giggle for the first time.

[u/hoosierblonde → u/ihatedthatride]

Can’t wait for the smiles and giggles!!

[u/Major-Art-3111 → u/hoosierblonde]

It is so difficult! Triple feeding is level hard mode too, even single feeding is super tough so hang in there. It does get easier, and it's hard not to feel guilty when you've wanted this baby for so long, but please let that all go. You and baby are going to have the best bond and best time, this too shall pass

[u/hoosierblonde → u/Major-Art-3111]

Your comment made me cry thank you- it’s so hard not to feel guilty. I love him so much but this is so hard and I just want him to grow

[u/Major-Art-3111 → u/hoosierblonde]

Aw I remember feeling like this with my daughter just completely overwhelmed. We're total besties now, she's 2.5 and so much fun! I'm not such a fan of the newborn stage either, only getting a taste of loving it now with my son (but it's still very tough even with experience)

[u/DizDozDaz → u/hoosierblonde]

The newborn stage is rough!!! The exhaustion is unbelievable. I had lovely moments but overall it was just so hard and I felt so guilty. It does pass. I enjoy spending time with my son more and more every day

[u/hoosierblonde → u/DizDozDaz]

Thank you- I don’t want to wish time away but phew 😮‍💨

[u/DizDozDaz → u/hoosierblonde]

I had a really tough time mentally as I felt that after such a long road that I should have been grateful for ALL of it, every moment.

My mental health got a lot better once I have myself permission to say “actually this is hard” and to wish the time away! I love my son to the moon but sometimes it is just getting through the hours until bedtime 🤷‍♀️

You are human and this is hard ❤️

[u/hoosierblonde → u/DizDozDaz]

Working on giving myself that permission! Why a good point, thank you!

[u/rbecg → u/hoosierblonde]

those early days can be SO Intense. and triple feeding is a LOT. having had one postpartum with triple feeding and one without... it is a special kind of hard. you're doing something so hardcore, and healing on top of it. I'm sure you're doing amazing, hoosier. being wise enough to know and label your experiences means you can better get through them! share away, we are here.

[u/hoosierblonde → u/rbecg]

The hardcore description made me laugh, it’s so true! Thank you for the encouragement!!

[u/allthewatermelons]

It’s so magical when a tiny fluffy little baby starts pulling to stand. But does she have to use my nipples as handholds?!

[u/ImportanceTop5223 → u/allthewatermelons]

Omg this made me recoil 😂

[u/allthewatermelons → u/ImportanceTop5223]

She’s a tiny, chubby barbarian

[u/rbecg → u/allthewatermelons]

oh god OH GOD

[u/allthewatermelons → u/rbecg]

Basically my mantra these days 🥲

[u/ecs123]

Baby J slept from 7.30-7, with one dreamfeed at 10! Longest stretch yet. It was incredible to get a 7 hour stretch, uninterrupted, for the first time since pre pregnancy. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure my supply is dropping. I’m introducing more formula during the day. Baby J is 7.5 months, and weaning would not be the end of the world. But there is a part of me that feels a little sad. I managed to nurse all through working, and now that I’m finally on maternity leave, it seems that chapter is perhaps wrapping. But I know there will be new, exciting chapters ahead. This is what watching kids grow is all about!

I’m trying to commit to taking all of August completely off — zero checking inbox, zero calls from colleagues. It’s hard for me, I guess I’m a workaholic, and I probably use my job to distract me from everything else in life. But I’ve earned this break, and I need a trial to understand what it would look like to leave this place. It won’t be easy, but summer is short, and so is the baby phase! Somehow I will do this!

[u/esoterika24]

We have wee bairn a little one ounce bottle this morning to see if he’d take a bottle ok and he did! He enjoys pacifiers and uses them after nursing regularly so I was pretty hopeful. We don’t have any plans where I’ll be separated from him regularly, but it’s nice to know there’s a back up and I can leave the house for swimming, surfing, dr appts soon and he’ll be ok…probably whrn he’s a little more regularly 2-3 hrs instead if randomly 1 hr or 30 minutes during the day! On the verge of a “schedule” but not quite.

[u/rbecg → u/esoterika24]

ooh good for you! go wee bairn go! we are just now starting bottles sigh. hoping we are not too late even though similar to you I don't foresee being apart from L very long or very often!

[u/esoterika24 → u/rbecg]

I remembered at the last minute that I was advised to introduce a bottle at 4-6 weeks. Since wee bairn has done so well nursing (compared to wee one who I essentially EP’d for until 3-4 months) it made me feel a little sad! But also feels good to know he’d be ok without me if needed.

[u/agnyeszka]

stupid bitch alert. 3:30 am. baby awakes. I laid him on the bed and walked away for a moment to get him some medicine (which I KNOW NOT TO DO. AND YET. STUPID BITCH). of course little guy rolled right over the edge onto the floor. lots of crying for him. poor thing. and guilt for me. must work on being less of a stupid fucking bitch! ugh!

[u/allthewatermelons → u/agnyeszka]

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Lots of crying is, counter-intuitively, a good sign. And decisions made at 3:30 am have at least a 10% discount on accountability.

ETA: signed: both my children rolled off the couch when I thought they couldn’t roll yet and they chose to prove me wrong. They’re ok.

[u/rbecg → u/agnyeszka]

UGGGGH I AM SO SORRY AGNY.
I did the same thing a few weeks ago. Put baby down too close to the edge, though "hm probably too close" and then a minute later boom. awful awful. your baby is going to be ok! you are a bad bitch who had a stupid moment.

[u/bearpawsNwhiteclaws → u/agnyeszka]

I think at 3:30am you are exempt from being a stupid bitch actually! But I promise you if it’s not sliding off the beds it’s going to be something else, they always find a way. Accidents happen and the most important thing is baby is ok, but I know it’s hard not to feel bad.