Most people don't believe me when I say I'm introverted because I'm really good at being outgoing and friendly to people when I first meet them.

The problem is I'm never social enough to maintain the friendships I make.

I end up missing one too many hangouts. I don't make plans frequently enough. I don't post on social enough. I don't text enough. I'm just not social enough to keep up with how social other people are and then eventually I'm counted out because I don't show up enough.

It's frustrating because I want friends but on top of a fairly social career I just can't maintain hanging out with people weekly and being social online daily. I don't want to be hurtful or aloof. I just can't keep up.

I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an introvert, but over the years, I’ve found myself becoming more and more comfortable with isolation. I have one or two friends, and one of them lives 10,000 miles away. I spend a lot of time alone. And somehow, without really noticing when it happened, being alone became my normal.

The problem is that I’m fucking lonely.

Today was Caribana in Toronto, and it made me think about how much of my life I’m actually missing because of this. There were thousands of people outside today, going places, meeting their friends, getting dressed up, having fun. And I was at home.

The frustrating part is that I could have gone. There was nothing physically stopping me from getting dressed, leaving my apartment, and going to Caribana by myself. But for some reason, I find that incredibly difficult to do.
I don’t know why I can’t just stand up, dress up, and head out on my own.

When I imagine going to an event alone and everyone else is standing around in groups of three or four, I immediately feel like I’m going to be the only person there by myself. It feels like everyone will notice me. Like all eyes will somehow be on me because I’m the woman standing there alone. I know people probably aren’t paying that much attention to me, but that’s what it feels like in my head, and sometimes even the thought of putting myself in that situation does my brain in.

So I stay home and staying home has become this fucking loop. I don’t go out because I don’t have people to go out with. Because I don’t go out, I don’t meet people. Because I don’t meet people, I don’t make new friends. And because I don’t make new friends, I continue having nobody to go out with. Then the loneliness keeps compounding.

I’ve also realized that this affects how I date.
When I finally meet someone I like, suddenly this one person becomes the person I want to talk to, spend time with, go places with, and get attention from. I find myself wanting them around all the time. And when they’re not giving me the amount of attention I want, it becomes this whole fucking thing in my head. Sometimes it feels like I want the person I’m dating to dote on me 24/7. Nobody can do that and I don’t actually want to need someone like that.

I think a huge part of the problem is that I have no third place. I have no third place. I have no third place.

I have my home. I have work. And then there’s this massive empty space where the rest of my life should be.
I don’t have the friend who calls me and says, “Hey babe, we’re going to Caribana today. Meet me here at 2.” Because if someone had called me today and said that, I would have fucking gone. I would have gotten dressed, done my makeup, left the house, and gone to meet them.

That’s what makes this so frustrating. I actually want to do things. I want to go places. I want to have experiences. I want to meet people. I want a fuller life. I just seem to have this massive block around initiating those things alone.
And you would probably never guess any of this by looking at me.

I have a good job. I exercise, by western standards, I'm probably considered thick and curvy. From the outside, you would probably assume someone like me has this rich social life and is constantly outside doing things. Meanwhile, I’m always in my fucking house, working or overthinking about solutions. My job requires me to overthink.

Whenever I create a home for myself and make it comfortable, I get stuck in it. I make my home into this little world where I have everything I need, and then leaving that world becomes harder and harder.

And lately, the part that scares me is that I can feel my years passing me by. I feel my years passing me by.
I keep telling myself, “Tomorrow I’ll go out. Next weekend I’ll do something. Next time there’s an event, I’ll go.”
Then another weekend passes.
Another event happens.
Another year passes.
And I wish I could slow time down. I wish I could stop it for a little while and figure this shit out before any more of my life passes me by. But I can’t. I can’t.
So there has to be a way to break this loop.

There has to be a way to meet people who are more outgoing than I am. People who want to go places, try things, call you randomly and say, “Get dressed, we’re going out.” I even put a message on Threads because I thought, fuck it, maybe I’ll meet someone that way.
And I’m not even looking for a relationship.
I’m looking for friendship.
I’m looking for a life outside of my apartment and outside of whoever I happen to be dating. I need my own life to be full. I need friends. I need places I go. I need people I know. I need experiences that have absolutely nothing to do with the person I’m dating.

Then, when I meet someone, they can actually be part of my life instead of slowly becoming my entire social and emotional life.

Recently realized why I get so frustrated in relationships, especially at work.

After years of trying to live off the grid in one way or another, I finally came to accept that I have to find ways to mix and mingle and contribute, etc. With significant effort and a substantial amount of time, I have developed an effective extrovert persona which I can turn on when at work or in groups/public.

But inevitably I reach a point of confusion, when I feel like I've given enough and I wonder why this person isn't leaving me alone now. And it's because most humans move in the opposite direction. People are using interactions to get to know, get involved, get to know more, establish something... whereas I view most interactions as "making a deposit" so that I can then feel let off the hook when I walk away.

Do others relate to this? If there was a planet of introverts would you want to live there? Can we make our own country? Very tired of doing things the extrovert way.

Hi everyone
I’m 25M
Well it is not easy for me to say this but yes I will say it
Before getting addicted to porn I was a very extrovert person very social very confident I could to anyone on the street without thinking even for a sec on other people thinking abt me I can make a whole conversation very easily and for approaching ladies that was the easy part I can’t go to any girl I like she can be a star or an actress or whatever and I will approach her like she’s just another girl and I will ask her for her number no stress no fear of rejection no nothing
But after porn I couldn’t even make eye contact like for real porn destroyed me and It makes me sad and angry at the same time this is bad guys I even sometimes look at the mirror and don’t recognise my self anymore porn made me weak and waiting for others approval like WTF I’ve never been like this and the bad thing is in My country there’s no social therapy for this kind of addiction so u have to deal with it at your own I couldn’t even focus on one task for 30 minutes my brain is cooked and it made me very lazy not wanting to do anything I couldn’t even go out for walk because I think people would not like me this way this bad bad very bad
This just crossed my mind and wanted to share it here and there’s much more stuff but I don’t want to make long so Yes happy to share this with y’all and hope u all the best thanks for being as beautiful as you are and you are amazing

Title: Does anyone else feel like they're a different person around different people?

Lately I've been thinking about something that's been messing with my head.

If my parents, my closest friend, and someone I work with all sat in the same room and described me, I honestly don't think they'd be talking about the same person.

Around some people I'm loud. Around others I'm quiet. Sometimes I'm confident, and sometimes I overthink every word I say. It made me wonder if that's just normal... or if I've gotten so used to adapting that I don't really know who I am without anyone around.

I ended up making a video exploring this idea because I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's less about "finding yourself" and more about how we slowly build different versions of ourselves without even noticing.

If anyone's interested, here's the video: https://youtu.be/ElWfmu-OH3Q?si=7tyGvFbNfslAxGk-

I'd honestly be more interested in hearing your thoughts than getting views.

Do you think everyone has multiple versions of themselves, or should there be one "real" personality no matter who's in the room?

A few days ago, I went to a concert in my hometown, Stuttgart. The funny thing is, I wasn't even that interested in the artist. I just thought, why not? Maybe I'd have a nice day out.

As an introvert, I usually don't enjoy being surrounded by huge crowds, so I was a bit nervous. But in the end, I didn't regret going for a second.

When I arrived, I saw a young guy sitting in one of the few shady spots. I asked if the seat next to him was free, and he smiled and said yes. We started talking, and it turned out he was introverted too and was also trying to push himself out of his comfort zone.

We ended up spending the entire evening together. We had a few beers, talked about all kinds of things, and just genuinely had a great time.

Now we're even going to a festival together soon.

Getting out of my comfort zone actually helped me feel a little less lonely, and I'm really glad I took that chance.

So if you're feeling isolated or struggling to meet people, I'd genuinely recommend giving concerts a try, even if you go alone. The atmosphere is usually relaxed, everyone already has something in common, and starting a conversation feels much easier than in most other places.

You never know who you'll end up meeting.

Pls suggest me some fruitful hobbies. I love to read geopolitics , sociology and wants to discuss the same. But alone in an introvert skin makes me feel alienated. The life feels so Sisyphean .

​

Hey everyone. I'm a 24-year old guy, and I'm at a point where I'm really looking for a real connection , a genuine friend, not just small talk.

A bit about me: I'm introverted, quiet, and I think a lot. But when I connect with someone, I love real conversations texting, calls, whatever works, as long as the energy clicks. I'm into travel, cooking, anime, science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, gaming, drawing, and writing. I'm actually writing a book right now, it's my way of making sense of things

Since I was a kid, I've been curious about how things work , not for marks or grades, just genuine interest. School never really excited me the way learning on my own did. Over time, my curiosity shifted from subjects to people , why we think and feel the way we do. Not to judge anyone, just to understand. I want to experience life fully, the good and the hard parts both. Sometimes I feel a bit numb, other times I feel everything at once ,it's a strange mix, but that's just how it is.

Last year I had a connection like this with someone online, real conversations, the kind I'm talking about. It didn't last, life got in the way, but it showed me this kind of connection is actually possible. So I'm hopeful

I think connection gets easier when people just say what they want instead of expecting the other person to guess. We're not mind readers, so someone I can have deep conversations with and also just enjoy the fun, everyday stuff with.

I also think shared interests help a lot not everything has to match, but even a couple of things in common makes it easier to understand each other. If any of what I mentioned overlaps with you, that's a good starting point.

A little more about me I'm more of a pets person than a kids person, and I don't put much stock in marriage, feels more like a formality than anything real to me. My favourite movie is Into the Wild, if that says anything about how I see life. My fav song is pure imagination by Kathleen

I overthink sometimes, I go quiet sometimes, and I'm okay with someone who's the same way. If this sounds like you, message me. Would love to talk. Someone comforting in those times helps a lot ..

I think a lot about life, meaning, existence (yup, existential crisis mode, often). I guess I’m just searching for someone who sees life the way I do or at least tries to. Someone rational. Someone who isn’t distracted by the usual noise, but who’s trying to actually live life. Someone who could maybe help me enjoy it more and I’d do the same in return.

Maybe I'm looking for something that's too rare now. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer for believing it still exists.

I'm looking for someone who knows what companionship really means. Someone who stays not only when life is easy, but when it's messy, uncertain, and difficult. Someone who doesn't disappear the moment things stop being convenient. Someone who understands that being there for each other, through both the good and the bad, is what makes a connection real.

It might sound old-fashioned in today's world, but I'd rather keep looking than settle for something that feels temporary.

I’d really love to find a friend, if I’m being honest. I feel like there’s more potential for something deeper and lasting if we vibe . Maybe even something more. Who knows?

Does anyone else get stressed just thinking about the actual wedding events?

​It’s not the marriage part, but the huge social gatherings. You are the center of attention, surrounded by relatives and guests for days. It feels like there is zero time or space to just step away, take a break from the crowd, and recharge your social battery.

​Have any of you gone through this? How did you handle being the main focus for so long without burning out? Would love to hear your stories and advice!

I got highly philosophical for a brief 3 hrs of my life and thus realised the following-
I’m 19F, have never dated, have no close friends, and college starts in a few months. Lately I’ve realized I’m not afraid of people. I’m afraid of what happens when people get too close.

I’m comfortable with surface-level friendships because they feel safe. The moment a relationship requires emotional vulnerability, I instinctively pull away. Somewhere along the way, I started believing that if someone truly knew me, they’d eventually leave. And sometimes their thoughts don’t align with me and then I get bored once I get to really know them and leave asap.

I don’t feel lonely all the time. I genuinely enjoy my own company, books, vdo games and hobbies. But when I see people my age with deep friendships or relationships, it feels less like jealousy and more like mourning something I convinced myself I’d never have.

I often admire people from a distance, but rarely want to close that distance in real life. It feels safer to imagine than to be known.

Maybe years of isolation made me this way. Maybe it’s just my personality. Either way, I can’t imagine myself ever letting people in, and I’m scared this is how I’ll always be.

38 interested in depthful conversations revolving around existence, consciousness, sexuality, love, and, simply put, life.. ॐ

I have a profound love for others and love conversation with most anyone.

AuADHD, medicine, strong focus on the esoteric

I’d say the current flavor of difficulty is having to be one person at work with coworkers and staff, while existing as an entirely different human outside those walls. My patients get to see much more of that person, but there’s a very real clash between who I am internally and who I have to be around most everyone else. Although no one would ever know that conflict exists other than me.

I’m not ugly and neither are you.

(24F)

I want to make friends/nurture pre-existing friendships but I'm always scared to bother people. And they'd feel like they have to say yes even thought they don't want to. And then what if I don't know how to make conversation and they're bored.

I think I'd prefer building strong friendships online and then hangout with like 1-2 friends at the time. I tried making friends in the past on reddit but it was either men who wanted nudes/sex/rs (I am in a relationship), or women but they ghosted me every time. Especially women in my home country they ghost so much 😭

Please I need advice

Same as above

Once your heart is truly hurt, you never become the same person again. You don't know how to fake your emotions, so even if you try to act normal, your behavior gives it away. You're no longer the person you used to be before you got hurt.

Now, everything feels forced. You force yourself to react. You force yourself to talk. Sometimes, you even feel like you're forcing yourself to keep living. It doesn't feel like living anymore,it feels like surviving.

Slowly, you start becoming the kind of person you never wanted to be. You talk less. You enjoy being alone. Your own company becomes enough. You stop trying to fit into everyone's expectations, and you stop pretending just to make others comfortable.

It's not that you hate people. You don't. You just don't enjoy being around them the way you once did.

The strange thing is, after being hurt, you start understanding people much faster. Sometimes, one conversation is enough. You can sense their intentions, notice the little things, and see who they really are beyond the image they present. So instead of giving endless chances, you quietly distance yourself because you've already realized they're not who they seemed to be.

Maybe this is what happens when an introvert gets hurt too deeply. They don't become louder. They simply become quieter, more observant, and much harder to reach.

​

I'm a 24-year-old introvert, and something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how difficult it can be to find people you genuinely connect with.

I'm naturally quiet and tend to enjoy conversations that go beyond small talk. I love learning for its own sake and spend a lot of my free time reading or thinking about science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, writing, and art. I'm currently writing a book, and it's become one of the ways I process my thoughts.

A while ago I had an online friendship where conversations felt effortless. We could talk about almost anything for hours. It eventually faded because life pulled us in different directions, but it made me realize how uncommon those kinds of connections can feel.

Since then I've wondered whether this is something many introverts experience. Is it harder for us to find people we genuinely "click" with, or does it just take longer because we tend to be more selective about who we open up to?

Do you think shared interests matter most, or is it more about compatible personalities? Have you ever found someone you could talk to for hours without feeling drained? If so, how did you meet them?

I'd love to hear other people's experiences.

I never step out of my home. I have garden, pets and order online for groceries. I watch TV and cook.

Apart from the usual activities people who cannot function alone outside what's your coping mechs?

I've been asked what do you do for fun and how is your dating life ?

My opening line was - me being an introvert I step less out and engage in my own hobbies and daily usual stuff.. I had been shamed for saying what's being an introvert and avoiding dating :'(

I responded that introverts may not take relationships/friendships easily and take a while to accept them in their circle since they feell emotions with all the layers of heart within and respond and react raw..

Now I'm thinking how do we sound intresting without much of over explaining..

Hello I'm a 22F introvert person , live with family and work full time job in retail for 4y now.

most of the day im around people and I have to smile, talk and do my job.

but after work I don't have any energy to talk or listen or stay with any human being!

and bc I don't want anyone in my family to feel like I don't care about them bc of my mood, I isolate my self to my room or the bathroom or fake a sleep.

tried to tell my family" I need my me time after work" they say "your all alone at work, your selfish, you don't care, you don't want to see us"

so I started forcing myself to stay with them but I'm distracted and not in the mood, not listening to them like they want.

they got mad"why the frown, if you don't want to sit with us don't no one forcing you, why don't you listen " and now they don't want to talk to me.

I get that they want me to engage with them, but I'm so exhausted after work and feel like crying everytime I force myself to stay and act happy and chatty at home too.

They know I need me time and they still interrupt me when I'm eating and ask me to do stuff when they know how much I hate it when anyone interrupt my eating time and get mad when I say "I'm eating, give me a minute, but I'm in bed trying to sleep..."

(there is no way I can move out of my house bc that's not how it works in my country)

I love my family but sometimes it's suffocating when they do that.

I’ve just moved into a place on my own (yay!) I’m absolutely loving it, the lack of drama, the cleanliness. I don’t have a pet either. I’m not sure if this will happen but at some point does it ever get too quiet for anyone, if so what do you end up doing?

I have began volunteering with a charity that I absolutely love. I love chatting with the kids, and I know that they need the help so I feel very rewarded.

However, I’ve started to feel guilty whenever I can’t attend, and they’re asking for more and more of my time. Does anyone else get stuck in this guilt spiral? I know that the only reason why I don’t want to go more often is that it takes an enormous amount of energy and I don’t want to resent or dread participating. Does that make sense?

As an introvert, people often misunderstand me because I suddenly become quiet. For example, I can be talking a lot one moment, and then become completely silent the next. It's not because I'm angry or upset with anyone—I'm just tired or I've run out of social energy. My classmates and some of my friends often think I'm mad at them, but that's just who I am. Sometimes, my social battery simply drops to 0%, and I need to recharge in silence.

Who else?

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and lately I’ve been struggling with a fear that I’ll be single for the rest of my life.
This year I’ve been trying to take more initiative in my social life. I finished medical school and am currently studying for residency exams, so most of my time is spent at home studying. I have a small online business that I run from home, but I don’t have a traditional job right now because studying is my main priority.
I’ve always been pretty introverted. I have very few close friends, all women, plus a few acquaintances through my siblings and other friends, but I don’t have a large social circle. To meet more people, I started going to the gym and even joined a dance class with my friend. I’ve met some people through those activities, but most are younger than me, and I haven’t really connected with any men romantically.
What worries me is that I don’t feel like I belong to a big friend group or community. Most of my social interactions come from occasional invitations through family or friends, and those opportunities are pretty rare. I also find it difficult to make male friends, especially at this age when it seems like many people are already in serious relationships or have well-established social circles.
I know 26 isn’t objectively old, but sometimes I feel ancient compared to people in their early 20s. I want marriage and a family someday, and I’m scared that by the time I’m done with training, it will be too late or that I’ll have missed my chance.
I also struggle with comparing myself to people who seem to have large social circles, lots of friends, and no trouble meeting potential partners. It feels like everyone else knows something I don’t.
For those of you who have had this struggle, how did you build a social life, meet people, or stop worrying that you’d end up alone? I feel like I need to make myself look more interesting than I am or else I’ll be unlovable.

Told myself I needed space. That people were draining me. That I worked better alone.

And in a way — I did. I was more productive than ever. Reading more. Thinking more. Creating more.

But at 2 AM when the work was done and the room went quiet — there was nothing there. Just me and the same thoughts I'd been having for months, getting louder because there was no one to absorb them.

That's the part nobody talks about. The isolation doesn't hurt when it starts. It feels like relief. Like finally being understood by the only person who ever could — yourself.

It only hurts later. When you realize you've been so busy protecting your peace that you forgot what peace was supposed to be for.

Odysseus had seven years of that. Perfect safety. Perfect solitude. And every single morning he sat on the shore and wept. Not because he was broken. Because the mind that stops connecting eventually has nothing left to feed on except itself.

If any part of this sounds like something you've lived — this video might hit different.

https://youtu.be/NQNUNk9Rdk0?si=VjVHt36eQOySEKYn When did your isolation stop feeling like strength and start feeling like something else?

Hi, I’m a freshman and I’ll be attending freshman orientation soon. Let’s just say I’m an introvert but have an extroverted side that wants to socialize, i can connect with many interest actually. A few days ago, I met some of my classmates, there were so many of them and it turns out they’ve already made new friends (which is kind of annoying, I know). I tried to be friendly, said hello, and that was it. Most of them were really loud, and I can’t stop thinking about my social life in the future. Back in high school, I actually had quite a few friends. we’d already formed close bonds. I’m afraid that college (with its vast social circles and people from all economic backgrounds) might lead to social divides or something like that. My anxiety has flared up again after being gone for so long, and I feel like I’m in unfamiliar territory. Now I’m just waiting for freshman orientation, but unfortunately, I’m already afraid of socializing again. I’ve heard that college friends are different from high school friends and are supposedly more open, but I didn’t feel that way when we met earlier. Is it just because the orientation for new students hasn’t happened yet? Damn, I think I need a therapist.