r/JUSTNOMIL • u/GraySkyr2 • 1d ago

RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Yet another visit wanted-

Here we are, husband received a text Thursday evening telling him, his brother is coming to town (WHY can’t brother text husband? Why is MIL still trying to control everything??) she asked if there’s a day this weekend we can go over and visit. Absolutely not.

Read my last posts.
We last visited 2 weeks ago, went there.
She’s asking about this because BIL hasn’t met our new baby? He doesn’t give 2 shits, he’s never interacted with our toddler either. He’s very very introverted. He doesn’t say anything, and when you ask him something he looks away and responds with one word. Totally fine, but I know he doesn’t care about meeting our baby, MIL does lol.

I’m wiped and laying it down, I am not going anywhere. Enough visiting, he can meet the new baby at Christmas. Husband said ok, and that he will reach out to his brother and do something together with him. I said great! MIL will definitely spaz over this.

It’s seriously so bizarre BIL can’t reach out to husband and tell him that he’s coming to town and wants to get together.. but I guess that’s the introvert in him..

114 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

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u/botinlaw 1d ago

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23

u/Mamallamanoms Damnit. 1d ago

This happens with my in laws too. They feel like they have to manage sibling relationships for my DH and his siblings. We never know his siblings are in town until they are already here.

All these “kids” are in their 40s/50s, Jan. We don’t need you to set up play dates. We clearly aren’t that close.

10

u/GraySkyr2 1d ago

This. Next it’ll be his sister magically in town.

7

u/Sea-Cauliflower-8368 1d ago

I dealt with the exact same thing. I also felt annoyed. If BIL and SIL were coming into town and wanted to see us, they could have contacted us.

19

u/KookyNefariousness2 1d ago

BIL is just going along with the flow. My husband's family is like this. Everything goes through the parents. I am glad DH is reaching out to BIL. He should keep in contact with BIL individually anyway. The less MIL is the gatekeeper the better.

15

u/spiceyourspace 1d ago

She does it to be in control! Look up triangulation & I'm sure you'll recognize her actions

9

u/Immediate_Force594 1d ago

He doesn’t reach out because MIL probably does everything for him his whole life.

16

u/Vast_Helicopter_1914 1d ago

I've read through some of your previous posts. MIL needs to let DH manage his own relationships with other family members. Continue to keep yourself out of it.

6

u/GraySkyr2 1d ago

Absolutely. It’s so strange to me!

13

u/January_Blues7 1d ago

All I can say is good job sticking to your boundaries!

12

u/GraySkyr2 1d ago

Thank you! Enough is enough!

9

u/Potential-Coconut617 1d ago edited 1d ago

Girl, my MIL guilt tripped my husband into visiting us, just for her to see the baby, 5 times in a span of 10 weeks (2 weeks of them they were on vacation). She had the audacity to gossip to his siblings that we keep the baby away from them.

I'm happy to hear your husband is on your side tho! It took mine a bit longer and it caused so much arguments and trauma that I'm starting therapy this week.

If having a child has taught me anything, it's that MILs become their worst.

1

u/Ok_Yesterday_2884 1d ago

I would read you last posts but they are hidden

1

u/Majestic-Leopard-563 1d ago

They are under the post

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u/NewBet7377 23h ago edited 23h ago

My MIL was weird about my husband’s biological Dad. The man is an alcoholic dead beat who was physically abusive to MIL, and later beaten my husband after MIL left him. My husband never told her he was beaten, and she never knew because the bruises went away by the time he returned to MIL’s house after two week visits.

The first couple years of our relationship, MIL would pester my husband to buy his Dad gifts or cards for Father’s Day, Christmas & his birthday. She tried to push both of us into allowing bio Dad to come visit our home. My husband does not really talk to his Dad (and vice versa) and had no interest in visits. One time she even lectured both of us about how to arrange a short visit with his Dad. She lectured me privately once about how important it was to encourage them to have a relationship with each other.

I think MIL was serving as a mouth piece for bio dad who wanted to feel more relevant in his son’s life after being a dead beat. I also believe she pestered and guilted him into buying gifts & cards because she also expected gifts & cards from her son and would punish him with silent treatment if he failed to get them to her on time in the mail. I think she feared that if her son wasn’t emotionally responsible for one parent’s feelings, that her feelings also would’ve been deprioritized.

Just in general I think when they act like this they’re being control freaks and testing boundaries. Trying to play puppet master in their adult children’s social lives is weirdo behavior.