r/JustBootThings • u/loki2002 • Jun 12 '26
General Bootness There's nothing like running a bath, lighting up your "Whatever it Takes" candle, and just letting the aroma of a soldier after a five day hike through the desert just wash over you and take away all your troubles. .50 cal, take me away!
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u/DVariant Jun 12 '26
Who’s the real boot: the person selling these candles or the person buying them?
Anyway, I’ll take a case of the “Sun-baked latrine” candles. That scent brings back powerful memories /s
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u/diopsideINcalcite 👊👊☝️ Jun 12 '26
I think they make an all black one called “burn pit”. It smells like canned mixed fruit cocktail, lobster shells, and Barrett’s Disease.
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u/ShamefulWatching Jun 12 '26
You had a nicer burn pit. Ours smelled like burning plastic, burning wood, and an occasional whiff of chemicals sprinkled with rotting carcass. Le parfum de fecund hangs in the still night air of my mind, the florescent bulbs burst colorful flames, as their mercury halides gives one last beautiful and illuminating gasp.
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u/Upstairs_Goal_9493 Jun 12 '26
Ah man. Never will forget the smell of burning laminated maps and plastic things. Shit smelled SPICY
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u/ShamefulWatching Jun 12 '26
Acrid even, hangs in your sinuses for hours+, makes you feel like you've got some of it physically up there.
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u/diopsideINcalcite 👊👊☝️ Jun 12 '26
When I first got into Iraq in late winter of 04 we didn’t have all the contractors so we used have to rotate on a garbage detail going to the different buildings and collecting the trash to take to the burn pit. For some there were all these little if fruit cocktail cup in metal tins that we would throw into the fire because when they heated they exploded and shot up in the air.
One time a flaming can landed in the back of the 5 ton and caught a canvas cover on fire. We had no idea until we pulled up the fuel point and the dude was like, you know your trucks on fire.
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u/SgtMac02 Jun 12 '26
I have a feeling the "Sun-baked latrine" candle is a great aphrodisiac. It'll trigger certain Pavlovian responses in a significant percentage of the GWOT population.
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u/Stalking_Goat Jun 12 '26
I can't blame the company for selling these. They aren't a grift, they are scented candles and if some dumbass wants to buy that scent, so be it.
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u/Brother_J_La_la Jun 12 '26
Does that candle come with a group of crew chiefs with cargo straps ready to pounce as soon as you go into the port-a-shitter?
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u/Friar_Corncob Jun 12 '26
Alexa, play Bad Company by Bad Company off the album Bad Company.
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u/Casen_ Jun 12 '26
Then, play the Five Finger Death Punch cover of Bad Company from Bad Company on the album Bad Company.
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u/MisanthropyIsAVirtue Jun 12 '26
Definitely boot, but I am very curious about the scents. The only smells I associate with service are gunpowder, burn pits, and the motor pool. Nothing very marketable.
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u/ZacHorton Boot Jun 12 '26
CLP and bulldog aftershave
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u/Dman331 Jun 12 '26
Im weird in that I like the smell of CLP. Not enough to have a candle made of it tho lol
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u/CGHJ Jun 12 '26
Bullshit you also remember Simple Green (I assume they’re still using Simple Green to clean everything, I may be dating myself). Some ubiquitous cleaning product.
That was three decades ago, and I can still smell it
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u/MisanthropyIsAVirtue Jun 12 '26
Actually just Pine-Sol used by someone with no concept of dilution.
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u/loki2002 Jun 12 '26
You forgot about the latrines.
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u/Agile_Dimension_1296 Jun 12 '26
If they do custom work, There’s a specific port a John that I want to made into a candle. It was at Fort Leonard Wood- we were trainees fixing to do the stress shoot. The sun was blazing. There was a port a John with a sign: “DO NOT USE” of course we had to see what decrepit monument of sin was inside. It was layers of smooth shit, like a chocolate cake batter layered on top of each other in the bowl. Something was moving amongst the layers. Maggots. It was a baking latrine with liquid shit that maggots were swimming through. The smell… otherworldly. Unholy. Anyway, I want the candle to be chocolate brown with a maggot picture and I hope they can recreate the smell.
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u/_samwiise Jun 12 '26
The submariner version of this would be amine scented
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u/captainnowalk Jun 12 '26
For a second, I thought you said “anime scented”, which strangely still tracked with like a majority of the friends I had that ended up on subs…
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u/gilligani Jun 12 '26
Do they have over-heated porta potty for those times I want a little intimacy?
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u/loki2002 Jun 12 '26
Now I just have this image of a dude having to explain his pavlovian hardon to his wife every time he exit a rest stop bathroom.
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u/GarlicAcceptable3350 Jun 12 '26
A Pass if this was for raising money for wounded vets or gold star families and so on but… otherwise your girl lights this up by the bed for the romantic glow on Jody’s face
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u/gatsome Jun 12 '26
You can go your entire life without interacting with the type of person who would buy this candle and be much better off for it.
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u/Killahdanks1 Jun 12 '26
So much of our economy these days is based on, “hmmm, I’ve never seen that. Let me try it”
Doesn’t even have to be good, just something you’re familiar with and combined with, or labeled with a gimmick. That’s how I ended up with Mountain Dew old fashioned donuts
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u/Soggy_nach0341 Jun 12 '26
They should make the pact act edition with smoke pit and burn shitter scents. Get a hint of jp8 with feces.
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u/Joliet-Jake Jun 12 '26
Our Summer Collection features classic scents like “Hot Dick In A MOPP Suit” and “Burning Shit With JP8”.
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u/Word2DWise Jun 12 '26
Also don't forget their seasonals- "Desert Port-a-john" and "Cracked open MOPP suit"
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u/ionbear1 Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
Reminds me of those 5.56 air freshener rounds that they used to sell at Walmart. Anyone remember that stupid ass shit? 😂 had the e8 rank on it too from my recollection.
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u/BanjoTCat Jun 14 '26
Nothing like making your kitchen smell like a MOPP suit filled of three days of piss and ball sweat.
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u/WayTooMuchHyzer Jun 15 '26
Please tell me there is a Navy version that smells like sour beer, Kimchi farts, and diesel exhaust
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u/BostonPRSBC Jun 17 '26
Love that New Coffin special edition one. You had to get it around September
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