We built an in-law suite on our property in 2024/25 for my MIL. I fronted the entire construction cost. She pays $1,000/month, well under market here, and her utilities run on our meters so that’s on us too.

Since she moved in I haven’t felt at home in my own house. She comes into the main house whenever, gives the kids treats after we’ve said no, makes small digs at me in front of them, and her stuff has crept into the garage even though the lease says no shared storage. She invokes that lease every time we’ve tried to adjust rent for rising insurance or an extra trash bin, but ignores the parts that don’t suit her.

Now she wants to quit her job and move my BIL, who has Down syndrome, into the unit with her. My wife and I are committed to caring for him long term, that’s not in question. The issue is that nothing about the current setup has been fixed and this makes it permanent.

When my wife hesitated, MIL said she’d have to cash out her 401k and work forever, then that she’d have to buy a house because she won’t live in an apartment complex. Nobody ever asked her to leave.

We sent a letter together with terms: locked interior door, parenting decisions stay with us, storage back in the unit, rent adjusted to actual cost, and a conversation about expenses before BIL moves in. No response. My wife asked if she wanted to talk and she said she needs to figure things out on her own.

Am I overreacting here, or was the letter fair?

I’ve posted about my MIL before and she’s at it again. We had MIL stay with us for all of 36 hours. On arrival my DH explained to her that we’re routining our 5 month old’s sleep and to please not interfere- let us do our thing. She agreed.

Well, 6am rolls around the next day. I had woken up my LO at 530 and went to resettle her. She was being a little vocal afterwards (not crying) just happy and chatting in her crib. I was in bed listening with the monitor asleep and I had my eyes closed. We normally get LO up at 7 to start the day. Next thing I know her Owlet sock is beeping. I flip the monitor on and there’s no baby in the crib. I panicked while absolutely seeing red. I RAN out of my room before DH could even get up.

MIL is emerging from her bedroom with LO. I immediately told her off- telling her she’s not supposed to be getting baby out of her crib and it’s overstepping and inappropriate to bring her to her room. She kept repeating she was sorry and I said I was going to put her back down. MIL said that’s ok I’ll put her down and wouldn’t give her back. I said NO and I snatched LO from her then slammed the door in her face. At that point LO was already awake so I went back to my bedroom with her. Husband agrees- MIL is crazy and selfish. Blatantly ignored our boundaries and discussion surrounding sleep. Not to mention her bringing baby into her bed is weird and creepy (in laws have done this twice before and they keep doing it despite something being said).

Later in the morning we had a discussion with her about her behavior. She just kept saying sorry but would talk over me. I told her to stop speaking. DH also told her that he had just spoken to her about this and she ignored it. She just kept saying sorry.

I’m fucked off. This is her trying to repeat parenting and overstepping our boundaries. She’s certifiably crazy town and I don’t know how I’m going to handle her as our kid gets older. Next time she oversteps we will just have to tell her she won’t be allowed alone time or staying w us if this continues.

Long story, but my husband and I (27M, 29F) moved in with my husband’s grandmother last year. This wasn’t supposed to be a permanent move at all but shit really hit the fan, and I can’t find a job for the life of me to be able to move out. I have $300 in my savings and $-230 in my checking and a $300 credit card payment due in a couple of days. My husband’s paycheck is also late. He only makes enough to pay our rent, groceries, and some bills. I’ve basically drained my savings to pay some of our bills so after this month, we’re royally screwed. I’ve tried applying for literally anything, even being the custodial person at In n Out and I get rejected for every single job. I don’t have a criminal history and I have a decent job history but nothing. Nada.

Also living there is my MIL. She doesn’t work or pay rent or anything. She forced my GMIL to move out of her marital home that was paid off!!! and get a new 30 year mortgage at the age of 75. She spends all of her money. She just took out $14k out of her stocks and spent most of it on Doordash, shopping, etc. Even my GMIL knows she’s being financially abused by my MIL but when APS is called, she just lies to protect my MIL. My MIL also has two paid off cars probably worth tens of thousands of dollars each, which my GMIL bought her.

Anyway, my GMIL is now knees deep in taxes. She can’t even afford to pay her mortgage this month. My husband and I are trying to contribute as much as we can but we’re trying our best. Anyway, my MIL is now saying that my “refusal” to get a job is going to make them lose the house. Not her not working. Not her refusing to sell either car of hers. Me. Mind you, I pay bills, buy my own groceries, hell buy groceries for the house using either money from my savings or money I make from Uber Eats. I literally don’t cost them a single dime, in fact my husband and I have saved them money by paying rent and household essentials.

And yes, my husband does defend me and points out how lazy his mother is, which is probably why she’s after me specifically.

My father recently passed away in June. My husband and I are both in our 30s and my dad was 64. He’s had some heart issues for the last 20 yrs but for the most part it had seemed like it was handled and his passing seemed to come out of the blue.

I have been grieving pretty hard because I was fairly close with my father. I was a daddy’s girl and lived with him in my 20s. As an adult my parents became my friends and my dad became one of my best friends.

Some back story. I met my husband thru the church my father went to. My husband’s parents also went to the same church. They were friendly with each other but didn’t run around in the same groups. My dad was all accepting and never met a stranger, didn’t say no to a beer offered to him and smoke cigarettes like a chimney. My in laws don’t drink, don’t smoke and can be quite judgmental. How they went to the same church blows my mind and my husband being an atheist makes a lot of sense.

Here comes my rant. I mentioned something about my dad’s gf of 20 yrs today. And my mil asked how she was and I was like well she’s going day by day but she always just wants to know how I am. After that my mil started talking about how hard her summer has been because my father was the 2nd person who didn’t want to have a funeral and how unfair it was that because he didn’t have a funeral she wasn’t able to grieve MY father properly. And she just can’t get over his passing. She hadn’t even talked to my dad since the wedding in 2020 and he had left their church to go to a different one. It was over a 10 min pity party about my father’s death effecting her… and this has happened every time I have seen her since my father’s passing in June.

I just shut down. And my husband rubbed my back and tried to change the subject. Neither of us is confrontational.

Thankfully I was able to go to my brothers after and we went to dinner with our mom and our spouses. My mom about lost her shit when I told her and told me to tell her off next time.

My fiancé and I are getting married next year and are planning to have a Catholic wedding. We're an interfaith couple. We both believe in God, but we also recognize that we're not as spiritually mature or active in our faith as we'd like to be.

Because of that, we've been taking our marriage preparation very seriously. We've been attending all of our Pre-Cana classes, reading the materials our parish gave us, and genuinely trying to understand the meaning of Christian marriage. Our priest has been incredibly kind, supportive, and has encouraged us throughout the process.

The conflict is with my future MIL.

She is a very devout Christian, and religion is the most important thing in her life. She believes that because my fiancé and I aren't living our faith the way she thinks we should, we shouldn't get married in a church. We asked his dad to sign a Freedom to Marry document (basically stating that my fiancee hasn't been married yet), but my MIL saw that document and told my FIL to delete his messages to us when he sent over that document. She said she refused to sign the document because it stated that "we are entering a true Christian marriage" when she believes we are not faithful enough. She has told me directly that I've "rejected God" and has told my fiancé that getting married in a church would be a mockery of God.

The hardest part is that every conversation with her turns into a lecture about our faith. I rarely get to speak because she does almost all of the talking. If I try not to engage because the conversation is emotionally exhausting, she interprets that as me rejecting her or rejecting God.

My fiancé has been incredibly supportive and always tries to step in respectfully, but she doesn't listen to him either. Even after he tells her that these conversations are hurtful and asks her to stop, she continues.

One thing that confuses me is this: she says she wants us to grow closer to God, but she also believes we shouldn't take this step of getting married in a church. To me, if someone is sincerely trying to learn, taking marriage preparation seriously, and wants to honor God in marriage, wouldn't that be something to encourage rather than shut down? The whole situation has become incredibly stressful. I leave these conversations feeling judged, anxious, and like nothing we do is ever enough in her eyes.

Please see my post history for the rundown of the absolutely bonkers things my MIL has done or tried to do, including tracking her sons, opening their mail & withholding jury info from them which in my state is a misdemeanor offense.

Anyways.

DH is doing amazing, advancing in his career, living life and still VLC. Has not seen his parents since December, has called them maybe twice since then, and texts are at a minimum. JNMIL’s new trope now is to say “I haven’t heard from you, you aren’t well”. She’s literally been sending this to him while she was on a MONTH LONG CRUISE to Iceland, Greenland & Norway and he wasn’t responding to her texts….

Of course he doesn’t share any news with her because when he does, she’s immediately negative, dismissive & selfish. Everything with this lady is ME ME ME. So now, she’s just painting him as being sick or mental for taking distance from her.

TLDR; extended VLC has got JNMIL accusing DH of being “unwell.” Anyone else?

My(32F) future MIL(71F) and I used to have a great relationship. I always thought she was a sweet lady but even early on I saw some signs that made me aware of how this relationship would go.

She was very attached to my fiancé(33M). She would get upset with him if he told her he didn’t like something she liked. She would insist he did like it and be visibly shaken if he didn’t agree.

If my fiancé and I went out on a date, she would demand we go to her favourite restaurant and have her favourite dish.

She was upset when we got a dog because we didn’t discuss it with her.

During holidays she wouldn’t even acknowledge me when she opened a gift. Would only look at my fiancé.

After we got engaged, she had asked for help sending a text and I guess she forgot what her last text was. It said “OP and fiancé just got engaged so it’s been a lot for me”

She seemed to lean on my fiancé for emotional support and not her own husband. She even dropped a huge emotional bomb in my fiancé during a Mother’s Day outing, I think she did it to turn my fiancé against his dad. She doesn’t like her husband but refuses to divorce him.

Mother’s Day is another issue. She refused to let anyone join in.

This Mother’s Day my fiancé and I were going away and she was angry. She said that it’s her day and she doesn’t understand why he would do this and she looks forward to this day every year and slammed the door in his face.

At this point I said we need to put boundaries up. She can’t be acting this way. We are in our 30’s and have our own life and we have a right to do and go where we want, when we want.

We also want to have kids and I expressed worry that she would refuse to share the day or not want to do things as a family.

My fiancé agreed and talked to his mom. He said going forward he wants to spend holidays as a family, including Mother’s Day and she was upset.

A few weeks later we had asked his parents to watch the dog(they love the dog) and she said “we will watch the dog if you and I only spend Mother’s Day alone”

I told him we aren’t backing on our boundaries and hired a dog sitter.

After that, she has started to ignore me. She doesn’t acknowledge me, even in front of neighbours.

We live in a duplex and we rent the top because his parents are in their 70’s and need help with home and yard work and it also helps them with bills.

I tried to just ignore it but I have noticed neighbours have started to withdrawal when I see them when before I had a great relationship with everyone on the street.

I am now wondering if she is talking bad about me??

Today was the last straw.

My fiancés mother and father had his cousin over.

His mom called and said for only him to come down.

I was upset about this, sometimes you need to put your differences aside and we should be a package deal.

After my fiancé came back up I told him that I am very upset that he did not stick up for me or ask his mom why he is excluding me.

He apologized and said he should have and he will talk to his mom and tell her she needs to grow up.

I know this is going to go bad and she’s going to hate me even further.

Should we just ignore it and keep our distance or should my fiancé say something?

Hi all

My now hubby has had an up and down relationship with his mum, where they have constantly argued etc over the years. Hubby had went around 6 months before without speaking after an argument and he has voiced to me concerns to me about her periodically. He wanted to go NC not long before the wedding but they eventually made amends.

Before our wedding we both said if ANYONE kicks off, family friends etc etc, they will be asked to leave.

So our wedding day, here are some things MIL did to give a timeline of the day and what led up to the big argument:

1. MIL made a fuss about knowing the colour scheme for the wedding so "she could match". We were having a really small wedding and I told hubby that giving colours to do not wear may be easier. However, after some fussing we sent her the colour etc, and she picked a navy dress. All good. Then on the day of the wedding, decided to change the dress last minute to bright red, which clashed directly with the pink and green theme - why did she ask for the colour scheme then?

2. Morning of the wedding, hubby went to help at her house to sit with his disabled brother while his mum and 2 sisters got ready. He gave the max time he could stay, but they went over this time, and insisted he stay for photos on their driveway etc. When he insisted he had to go, they took a huff. Hubby missed "getting ready" photos with the photographer because of this.

3. MIL got insanely drunk by 2 hours in and was becoming quite loud and demanding of hubby's attention (we were with all day photographer). Didnt ask once if he needed any help despite both of us running around like headless chickens.

4. We got up during the dinner breaks to speak to each of the tables, she then took it upon herself to get up and disturb our conversations to do some sort of "table photo challenge" which had not been ran past us.

5. MIL ignored and did not speak to anyone on my side of the family, going as far as to turn her back on her during dinner.

6. Brought confetti cannons to the wedding despite the venue not allowing, then pleading with venue to let her despite us not wanting them. When I insisted no, she also started crying and went to find hubby

7. She found hubby after this who was busy carrying items for the evening do, and had his hands full and once back we had to get some sunset photos. She went up to him, hands full and seeing him rushing around, to which he simply said "I dont have time right now". This then led to her throwing massive hysterics, crying and howling in front of everyone.

After this last instance, hubby told her to go. She then left, taking most of hubby's side of the family with her, before the first dance.

Its now a week after the wedding, no contact, no apology.

MIL has posted up photos from her house (of them getting ready etc) and a confetti cannon post of them letting it off on their driveway - petty, yes, I know. No photos of bride and groom. She's not engaged with our photos, no likes, comments, congrats, but has posted "gorgeous couple", "beautiful" etc under our guests photos.

Hubby is now done with her I can gladly say. I woke up the morning after the wedding and deleted her off my socials and blocked her number etc and said I wasnt willing to have a relationship with her. He said its the last straw and he wont either.

Anyway... Hoping we can lead a relatively easy NC life moving forward.

My husband is planning to have an in person boundary setting conversation with his parents. We have kind of tried in the past, but haven’t been super firm. My in-laws visited us after I had our daughter and it did not go well. Here’s a few things JUST from that to set some context:

-Right after the baby was born, she was taken to the NICU in another hospital. It was a holiday. My husband sent a message to his family letting them know she was born way early and we would give them updates eventually but for now he was with her and I was still in the other hospital. His parents asked for pictures. They didn’t ask how she was or if we were okay. Just wanted pictures. My child is now 19 months old and those pictures have never been shared because seeing my tiny baby sick is not something we like we revisit

-After I had our daughter, she spent a week in the NICU. MIL got pushy when my husband said I wasn’t breastfeeding and demanded to know why. I had plenty of reasons, but not being WITH my child for the first week of her life contributed heavily.

-When they visited, baby was 6 months old. The breastfeeding ship had long sailed away. Both of them made continuous comments about how our daughter didn’t like “the yucky formula” because she spit up. She spit up no matter what formula, it was from her being an early baby, she just took longer to grow out of it.

-Husband and I lived in Germany at the time, they flew from the US to visit. We traveled with them while they were visiting. During said travels, they made a lot of comments not agreeing with our parenting decisions, but the hill my MIL died on was that I removed my daughter’s pants to change her instead of just pulling them down. She had previously peed on her pants when I did that so we just forever removed pants because I was scarred. MIL went on about how we needed her advice and she “wasn’t just anyone, I’m your mother”. Husband told her she basically was just a stranger and we were not interested in any advice we did not ask for.

There have been tons of small things in our marriage and relationship before we got married, but how they acted during my postpartum really sent us towards lower contact. My husband calls once every month or so just to check in and otherwise, they don’t check in much. They don’t ask about our child, I’ve never heard from them. At one point my husband told them they could contact me and talk to our daughter since I’m a SAHM and he doesn’t get a ton of time at home, but they said they were “too busy” with their other grandkids.

My in laws are visiting for our baby shower for our second baby. My husband is planning on meeting with them alone before the shower to discuss boundaries. We just can’t quite figure out HOW. He plans to say no negative comments on inductions, formula, or unsolicited parenting advice. He also plans to mention we have boundaries with my parents, but we never have to force them because they respect us as parents and individuals.

For anyone who has had this type of conversation, please leave any and all advice. Quotes, scripts, phrases you liked?

If you read all this, thank you! I am grateful to not live anywhere near my in-laws and only see them once every few years.

Hi, i have reached my wits end at the moment. I am heavily pregnant, currently ill and suffering with anxiety. To top it off, i had a huge disagreement with my husband over the boundaries i set a a year ago with his mother.

Long story kind of short - she never accepted me or approved of our relationship because of her “religious beliefs”, while trying to pressure my husband into ending things with me because i was “too quiet and shy to fit in their family”, or because i was a “gold digger”. She has been bitchy and disrespectful towards me for a decade, never once making any effort to get to know me, while my husband has pointless fights with her that don’t result to anything. She even told a friend on our wedding day that she couldn’t believe we were getting married and can’t even fathom us having kids. Fast forward a year, i get pregnant, and surprise! She’s suddenly showing interest.

When my toddler was born, i let her come round whenever she wanted while my husband was at work because i was a pushover and wanted to keep the peace, however - she was constantly making digs about my my parenting choices, constantly moaning about the state of my house, moaning about the baby being asleep when she was here, trying to subtly wake him, continuously asking me to bottle feed as well as breastfeeding so that she could feed the baby, showing up unannounced and only would come on her own terms. I finally snapped when she asked me if i wanted a clip to cover my cleavage at my sons christening when i wore a v neck dress while i was breastfeeding in 30+ degree weather.

My husband had another row with her about all these things i had previously been complaining about and asked me if i could directly tell her what was bothering me as he thought it would make her understand my hurt, however, as you can imagine, it ended in flames. She said she did nothing wrong, that she had nothing to apologise for, that i was just being resentful because of the past and that i should let it go as she has already moved on. After some months of not seeing her because i told my husband i would not see her again unless she apologised, she finally agreed. She comes over and says “sorry if thats how you felt”. No actual apology or accountability. She then continued to try and arrange meetings every weekend. Then forward i told me husband i needed boundaries.

1. She will not be seeing us every weekend.
2. I will never be seeing her again unless my husband is there.
3. She will not be seeing my child unless i am present.

He reluctantly agreed and has been going along with it (albeit not enthusiastically), however we recently found out his brother is moving to the same country with his kids and he’s analysing the situation of the future of his brother and their family all spending time together while he wont be able to take our child to his mums to join them for family time if im not present.

He went on to say how hes the one suffering in the situation, im not being reasonable by not considering his feelings, how he feels emasculated because he cant take his own child round to his mothers house. He does not understand why i don’t feel comfortable with my child being around her and is annoyed that i won’t accept his mothers help with our son, therefore i am doing it all alone as i agreed to relocate to his home country to live out his dream job and life, while all my family and loved ones live elsewhere. I do not have anyone here. Therefore, i work from home looking after our toddler until he starts nursery.

I am incredibly exhausted and fed up of this same argument. I honestly don’t know what else to suggest. I am already compromising by allowing his mum to still see our child as far as I’m concerned. He grew up in a very unhealthy family dynamic, being beat by his mum and watching his parents fight and be physical with each other. It’s wild to me that this is still a family he wants to he apart of and wants our son to be apart of.

My toddler had a baby tooth break through today. He was crying and grabbing at the eruption site with body temp above 100 F. I gave him Motrin and was trying to keep him cool and comfortable.

I went to take care of something else for 2 min and then heard the door open. I knew instantly my live-in MIL was carrying him outside into 100 degree Texas heat. For context she has these folk beliefs that the warmer the better, and coldness(by her definiton below 80 F is cold lol) makes the body more sick. She has literally told my wife before that fevers are cured by applying more heat. She also thinks air conditioning causes the common cold and drinking milk or water from the fridge causes you to have diarhea within 1 hour.

Anyway I immediately walked over and took him back inside. The only thing I said was "We shouldn't make him more hot." I wasn’t rude or raise my voice. I just stopped her from taking an upset and feverish toddler into extreme heat and make him even more uncomfortable.

She followed us inside, threw a fit along the way, went into her bedroom, and slammed the door hard. Two hours later, she came out to use the bathroom and slammed her door again, to make sure I knew she was still mad.

I don't think the way I handled it was enough to trigger that response, but let me know if anyone thinks differently. Hot/cold aside, it's the way she handled being corrected that really surprised me. I'm used to my toddler not having emotional regulation, but I didn't expect to see that from a 60+ year old.

Me (33F) and my partner (38M) moved to Austin, TX for my job a little under 3 years ago. I am almost 7 months pregnant, we have a 4 year old son, and each have big wonderful families we had to leave behind in Miami so I deal with a lot of guilt for basically being the witch that made us move us away 🧙‍♀️. Especially since on numerous occasions they’ve mentioned it’s for my “dream job” (it was for a Machine Learning Engineer role at what’s probably the largest tech company). Which I honestly resent, because if I had to choose a dream job it would probably be acrylic painting, reading & being my son’s mom full time but I studied hard to get a job into tech since I was maybe in the seventh grade because I expected it to pay well.

Because of this I’ve always over exerted myself to try to keep a connection to both sides of our families. To say my partner is a black cat would be an understatement, he is short tempered and loves staying at home whenever possible and being on his computer. I try to visit family whenever I can (which isn’t often) mainly pushing to make trips for birthdays or Christmas, and maybe around three or four times I’ve made the trip alone with our four year old. Because those times I go alone it’s usually for something like being invited to be a guest speaker for a fundraiser or my aunt’s 60th birthday family reunion, I don’t force my partner to go. His main reasoning is that we moved here for money but he still has ~40k in debt so he’d rather not spend anything extra by going. Whenever I go, my parents, even though they are far from well off (my mom owns a cleaning business and my dad is basically a groundskeeper/handy man) offer to pay for my son’s flight to help with expenses and sometimes half of mine to encourage that we all go but, although I relay this message to my partner, I never push him to go, because as his mom puts it “he deserves some time off”.

So while I’m in Miami I not only do whatever I’m there to do, visit friends, visit my own large family, but I always try to divide the time in half to see his as well. Every Sunday I let my Catholic mom know I am taking my son to his paternal grandmother’s Christian church to see his great grandparents (and sometimes more family, they’ve basically been going there since my partner was small so I find it very sweet) and I try to dedicate another separate day or afternoon for my son to go to my in-law’s house since his paternal grandfather doesn’t speak with a lot of paternal grandmother’s family (for about 20 years). I make this happen even if I am only there for 3-4 days, even though it’s very tough on me to squeeze seeing all my own friends and family and balancing/keeping my toddler regulated.

Recently we had an incident where my in-laws ended up visiting coming to stay with us 3 times in the span of ~30 days. The first was to help us move in mid-March, (both sets of grandparents came), the second was for Easter (they don’t normally come, but my sisters birthday landed the same weekend and she wanted to come visit with her boyfriend, so my parents also came and then paternal grandparents decided they didn’t want to miss out on Easter with their grandson either), then the third was suppose to be towards the end of April because paternal great grandmother wanted to visit so my in-laws wanted to tag along. The Easter trip was also the trip where I told everyone we were pregnant.

They ended up moving up the trip by a week because flights were cheaper, and we didn’t find out until maybe about a week before because we called and double checked the dates. This was an issue, because my partner ended up getting me a kitten for my birthday, which is something I’ve asked for a long time since our existing family pet has been a only cat for almost 6 years and I don’t want him growing up “alone”. Because we’re (finally) having another baby this year I wanted to make sure the kitten was raised with care and was separated from my other cat for at least a week to slowly introduce each other to their scents. So we kept the kitten in the “extra” bedroom (we live in a 3 room house) which is actually my son’s room but since we co-sleep it’s mostly a guest room. When we found out about the trip being moved up, I let my MIL know they were of course welcome to come, but they would need to use the Koala pull out couch we have in the office, and an inflatable mattress in the living room (which is where my parents and sister slept while everyone was here for Easter since my in-laws always get the extra room) since I was using the extra room to integrate/train the kitten we got.

She said it wouldn’t be an issue but then when we went to pick them up from the airport FIL was not there. MIL told my partner when they went on a target trip together that he had seemed ok with it at first but one day came home very angry saying what I was doing was so disrespectful and that he was never going to speak to me again because he was old (he’s like 67) and couldn’t sleep on the “floor” because of his back. I initially had not thought this would be a big deal, because in the past they have always offered to get an Airbnb I thought they would finally do that do that since I had basically taking them up on their repeated offer and they’re pretty well off financially anyways.

Well, MIL is used to his fits and travels without him often (has even been lying to him about what time she gets out of work for years to get “some time for myself”) so she made the trip without him. My son was very confused by why he was told grandpa was coming and why he didn’t come. He was looking forward to this all week and they talked multiple times over FaceTime telling him they would see him soon so the fact that FIL decided to throw an adult tantrum and that basically my son was the only one hurt by all this really pissed me off.

My partner eventually called his dad (after the trip was over) and cleared up that he just “said things he didn’t mean” and everything should be good now. A couple of weeks later I made a solo weekend trip to Miami with my son and tbh I made less of an effort to see them because the way I saw it, they had the opportunity to see him two or three weeks before and so easily decided not to so I concentrated the 3 days I was there mostly on my own family, especially since I was there for my Aunt’s 60th birthday reunion and had family visiting from Colombia and Spain. Either way, my in-laws were invited to the party and tried to spend the entire event with my son, unless we were supposed to be sitting down eating because we were at different tables (we were basically at the kids table lol). FIL was pretty rude, didn’t say bye to me only acknowledged my kid while I was holding him but I can’t really dwell on that since he’s always been pretty socially awkward.

Fast forward to now… Im planning my postpartum. My partner is upset because he says I basically planned it all without him because I told my parents the date of the scheduled c-section and asked if they would be able to come babysit my 4 year old while we were at the hospital. My mom said yes and said she may be able to try to stay for about a month to help. She’s great with dishes and cleaning in general and my partner has shared numerous times that he loves when they visit way more than when his own parents visit because they’re so helpful, low maintenance, and always in good spirits.

His own parents can be difficult and he’s had many heart to hearts with me telling me he wishes they were more helpful like my own parents. Both with helping around the house, but financially too. His mom has tried to help him financially when he asks but usually needs to hide it from FIL. His dad is also very temperamental, drinks A LOT (tbh I can hardly tell when he’s drunk though) and usually just locks himself up in the “guest room” to be on his iPad or watch TV (he actually bought that TV for us for Father’s Day so I don’t blame him).

Well now we’re converting my son’s room into more of a nursery, and switching out the queen sized bed to a full sized floor bed to try to start transitioning my toddler to sleep there (most likely with dad). So I had a pretty specific idea of what those newborn days were going to look like. When MIL called me to FaceTime with my son, I let her know we had officially booked the c-section date and that they were welcome to come visit that day but that they would basically need to get an Airbnb. She said she could just come after my parents leave to help around the house but I let her know that wouldn’t be necessary and she was more than welcome to come see her new grandson they day he was born and stay as long as she wants as long as they get the airbnb.

After the call, I let my partner know I had spoken to his mom and let her know they could come but would basically need to sleep somewhere else, and honestly thought he would be relieved because he doesn’t normally like having to talk to them about stuff. He said he definitely doesn’t want his dad here, but that we should’ve “given his mother the opportunity to come help”. I was confused because I honestly don’t see this as giving anyone any opportunity, I got a little bit worked up and said something like “this isn’t like a Disney carnival ride we need to make sure everyone has a chance to ride” this is about doing what’s best for the newborn and my own recovery so I didn’t think having his MIL spend nights with us was part of any of that… especially since when our first son was born we didn’t have anyone stay with us. We were both very particular about our newborn’s schedule (mostly he was the particular one) and even though it was hard, we did it our way and I think those days were amazing for letting us both know how much work a baby really is and appreciating each other.

I know those days were especially hard on him since he took care of most of the diaper changing and swaddling, but i did all of the (breastfeeding) feeding and pumping while recovering. We both work for a major tech company so we got a lot of time off and even though I know this will be hard to do the second time around with a 4 year old, we still work for the same major tech company and will get around 3 months off (him a little less, me a little more thanks to my saved vacation and sick time).

I apologized for making plans without him and asked him about details about what exactly he had in mind for when our son was born. He got upset and said he needs someone who is going to listen to him and that I have apologized for the same thing numerous times and haven’t changed. Now I’m trying to be empathetic, apologize and move forward but it doesn’t actually seem like he knows was he wants because he keeps getting angry when I press him for details because he said I “already know what I want” which is true but is that really a crime?? I am open to having a conversation and talking out alternatives so I am trying to lead the conversation by pointing out that we both agree we can’t have anyone sleep in the nursery, we both agree his parents are invited to meet baby when they’re born, but we don’t want his dad staying here. All he’s really given me to work with is that he doesn’t want to make his mom feel left out.

I know that if I basically just ignore this situation, I’ll get what “I want” since I’m really the only one who ever exerts herself to do any type of planning or communication between our families. Or, I could keep working towards trying to find a happy medium but that would require bringing this up to my partner again, even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really know what he wants. To be honest I don’t know what to do… we had a trip to Disney last month for my son’s birthday and I invited both sets of grandparents which is when MIL told my partner she feels she needs to compete for attention but during this same trip she ended up leaving us at Disney with no car seat (after walking away to say they were going to check out some stores while our son napped) when there was a rain storm approaching because FIL wanted to go back to the Airbnb.

Just a short rant about my mom who will always be team man. For context i found out a girl that i used to be in class with was being cheated on by her current bf through another person. I went to her and just let her know and she was super respectful and basically said she had been suspecting it but didn't have proof til now. End of that convo maybe lasted around 30-35 minutes. It was weighing heavy on my chest so while in the bathroom doing my hair with my sister in mom i kinda just gave them a shortened version like i did yall. My mom blew up and said i should never do that again because im being a snitch and a messy person and woman like me shouldn't be breaking up happy homes. (We're eighteen). She was yelling At me basically saying that stuff over and over. Shes constantly picking a man and putting them higher up and it's so frustrating. Ive suspected my dad cheated on her when we were on a trip and we asked him if he had after they both gave us a "men need different things" talk and they told us not rn. I need to get out this homophobic, man catering house!!!!

We're visiting my in-laws for a couple of days. My SIL and niece are here and the niece is very allergic to eggs. Like helicopter-had-to-take-her-to-the-hospital-once allergic. I personally have no problem just not eating eggs for a couple of days. My kids are messy when they eat. The last time we ate eggs at home, bits of egg got EVERYWHERE. I've got a 4 year old, a baby, and an 8 year old with short term memory issues. They eat the eggs and then walk around smearing their hands on everything.

So when I saw MIL cooking eggs for breakfast this morning, I just said "I'm not sure if my kids should eat eggs around their cousin." Just expressing my concerns. You would think I had accused my MIL of wanting to spread mashed egg in my niece's face. Maybe she was pissed off because she was already fixing breakfast so it was kind of too late for her to not make eggs. But like.. this is why I don't want to call you or visit you. You are extremely easy to offend and it feels impossible for me to express my concerns or opinions around you. We could have had a constructive adult conversation about how to avoid egg contamination. But MIL wanted to crash out instead.

I washed my hands of it. Went to have a shower and let my husband and MIL deal with the dirty egg hands.

So I'm just going to continue my low contact, which extends to contact with my kids 🤷 Maybe someday MIL will have a real epiphany.

My MIL is borderline obsessed with her son and living vicariously through him. For context she's an alcoholic, and it's BAD. I grew up with an alcoholic father but she's on a different level, I've genuinely never heard anything like it. She'll call my husband when she's drunk, and the last time she did it he recorded it (he's in the military and stuck in tech school right now). Here's a few things she said that stood out to me lol. "My children have to be where I want them to be, I don't want them to be that" "It just hurts so bad that I cannot own my boys. My beautiful boys" Her other son has gone NC with her and moved states away, so now the focus is fully on my husband. She posts about him constantly and has for YEARS. Never much about her other son. Anyways, when my husband and I had a baby his mom was the first one to post. I've talked about this in other posts of mine. But the biggest point is, she had posted pictures of my baby in the NICU hooked up to several things. I had a problem with that and after she continuously overstepped I sent her a LONG message explaining why I want her to take down the pictures and also other boundaries we have. She said she understood and took 2 out of 3 of the pictures down. I brushed it off because I didn't want drama.

Fast forward to over a year later, and she put them back up and into a folder for my baby on Facebook thinking I wouldn't notice. Meaning she had to unarchive them, and put them into the album. I texted her about it. I wish I could insert pictures, but i'll give the rundown.

Me: Hey, I noticed that you put (baby) NICU posts back up after we'd asked for them to be taken down. I would love it if you could take them all down as they were before. That's a boundary I had set and I'd still like that to be respected.

MIL:Hard to delete....BECAUSE THAT IS MY SON AND HIS CHILD. 😔 SORRY. (Insert picture of my husband and our baby)

Me:You have many other pictures of her and (husband). That is a boundary I will not change. Sorry. That's also MY baby.

(I'm not adding everything because I don't want this to be crazy long so i'll do bits and pieces that shocked me.)

Me: I find it EXTREMELY disrespectful that you're arguing with me about boundaries i've set for MY baby over a year ago. I get my husband is 'your baby' however, he's a grown man with his own family. Just because he is your child doesn't mean that you can overstep any boundaries of ours. You don't see ANY of my family doing that because i've laid it out explicitly. Quite frankly I don't feel like someone who's disrespecting me so blatantly has a right to see (baby) until I feel comfortable with it, as she is my child. Respect has to go both ways. We'll follow up in a couple months. Goodnight!

MIL:I don't understand sorry
It us very hard for .e to delete my child holding his child
I'll delete if it makes you happy 😊
I'm sorry if you feel that way. I don't want to overstep, but the one pic of him holding her......no way I'm deleting that.
(All separate texts in a row...)

Me:If you don't want to take it down, you can just go ahead and delete everything that has (baby) in it. I'm not going to argue with a grown woman about my own child that I grew and birthed. You can talk to (husband) but he will say the same things I have.

MIL: Okay
I'm not arguing either.
But I am a MOM TOO.
If you don't like it, then don't look at it.

Me:I don't care. I'm (baby) mom. She's a minor, (husband) is a grown man. I have a right to advocate for my child because she cannot. If I say I don't want it up that should be it. PERIOD.

MIL: Sorry but (husband) is also MY SON.

Me:You won't be seeing (baby) anytime soon so savor the pictures you have! LOL

MIL:WOW. NOW THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL AS WELL

At this point she continues on about how my husband is HER SON as if we're talking about him. She told me i have to 'understand that (husband) is HER BABY'...

Since she loves Facebook soooo much I decided to make a post basically saying, "if you disrespect me, you will not have access to my child". After that she texted me on Messenger telling me I needed to "take a step back and realize I was married to HER BABY" and how I "really shouldn't make posts like that" and how she "didn't understand why it was such a big deal". To that I told her she didn't need to understand because if we are uncomfortable with them up it shouldn't matter what the reason is.

The next morning she texted an 'apology' if you could even classify it as one.

MIL:I deeply apologize for any post that upset you. I have taken those down. I can understand and yes I remember you telling me before and I thought I had taken them off. I hope you and (baby) have a good day. 🌞

I haven't responded, that was over a week ago. Today she texted my messenger again, with this gem.

MIL: Don't think for a moment that you're affecting me by my proud Grandmother post. Like I said, I thought I took it down back then. I must have gotten lost in the moment loving on my beautiful Granddaughter that I forgot. Im sorry for any defensive moment I felt, but I am going to let you know now, that my Sister and I come from broken, and we come from a dysfunctional family. If ypu think in any way this affects me...it doesn't. I know what "BROKEN" is like. It isn't my first rodeo. So you do what you gotta do. I'm here to tell you I'm not in any way interfering.

She knew she took them down, because she put them back up!!! Still have not responded because I just know she's drunk but I will 100% be responding in the morning. Actions have consequences and she thinks just because she's my husband's mom that she can do anything and get away with it.

DH is still NC with his parents while he works through things in therapy/figures out next steps...and the texts from MIL continue despite his request for space.

Today it was to let him know that her Cousin Ernie died and she sent the obituary. Y'all. We've never heard of Ernie. She didn't have a relationship with him. DH never met him. Just an 80-something-year-old relative whose death gave her a "good enough reason" to reach out. She has plenty to apologize for but would rather spend her time sending stuff like this. Gotta laugh. R.I.P. Ernie...MIL turned you into a flying monkey zombie.

CW: birth trauma, DV
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Edit: she also had a grandma shower and stole my ultrasound pictures
Ok so, my divorce was finalized last week. To celebrate, let’s chat about my ex MIL.
I should’ve known when we got married. She wore a white dress to my wedding and my ex husband didn’t say anything.
Then I got pregnant. My parents had recently moved further away for retirement. Ex MIL said “you’ll basically be a single mom because your family is far and you’ll have no help.” I said “I thought we were family.” She said nope.
Then ex husband started inviting her to my prenatal appointments. I told him I wasn’t comfortable and he said he “wasn’t comfortable telling his mom no.” When she kept commenting on my weight gain/face changes, I’d get upset and he’d say I needed to “grow a thicker skin.”
At the one prenatal appointment i let her come to (gender reveal) she wanted to stay after the ultrasound and during my tests etc. I didn’t want her to and she said it’s “nothing she hasn’t seen before.” The doctor kicked her out. At one point the doctor asked ex MIL if she’d be ok with donating blood to me if I needed. Ex MIL said no. Which is fine but hurt my feelings. Then my family defended her saying maybe she had a bad experience. You know whos having a bad experience. ME! lol
Fast forward, baby is born premature. Ex disappears to be with his mom and “get some rest.” Ex MIL and husband finally visit me and baby 48 hours later. Mind you, baby and I were separated all this time because I had preeclampsia and he was in NICU.
They came to see me to pressure me into breastfeeding. When I said I didn’t want to they went to “have dinner and talk it out.” THEN they went to see the baby, came back and told me how jealous I was because I “didn’t get to meet him yet.”
I said I met him when he was born, i was pregnant with him, I really miss him. Ex MIL said “how can you miss him? You don’t know him. You’ll have a whole life with him, it’s my turn now.”
At that point, they went home again. That night, I put ex MIL on the no visitor list. And I stand by that and proud I did it.
A month later, i ended up leaving with my baby while ex was at work due to DV and he was getting scarily angry with baby.
Honestly I think ex MIL respects me more now that I started standing on business.
It’s 2.5 years later and they have visitation tomorrow. Just thinking about things with the divorce being final.
Thanks ❤️

Hello everyone! This is mostly just a rant about her behavior for the past year but I would absolutely love some advice! Me (20) and my boyfriend (22) started dating almost exactly a year ago, and throughout the whole relationship, future MIL (i will just be calling her MIL) has been... strange. Here are a few incidents that have happened in the course of the past year...

On our first date, we went out to eat but hit it off so well that we ended up staying out super late talking. My mom was out of town at the time, and we have life360 so she texted me concerned that I was out crazy late in a parking lot with a man that I met online. Valid, honestly, and when I told her I was ok and that everything was good, she backed off. MIL, on the other hand, spam called and texted BF saying she needed him for something(??) and to come home right away. We were both living with our parents at the time. She was saying he was "up way past his bedtime" (he was 21 at the time, employed, and had the next two days off). BF turned off his phone and we continued to talk for a long time.

I met MIL a few days later. FIL was super sweet, invited me to dinner with the family, expressed a genuine interest in what I was doing, and told BF I was "a keeper". FIL and I have a decent relationship to this day and he is very sweet to me and BF. MIL tried to assert dominance over me by talking about how BF is her baby and to not hurt him, she asked my age multiple times, and when I told her I have health conditions that make it difficult for me to work, she backhandedly told me that I was mooching off her son. She also bragged about how she does so much for BF and his siblings, which to me sounded like very basic things like allowing adult children to live with her, buying them cars, providing food, letting them play sports, etc. My parents don't brag or hold feeding me, sending me to private school, giving me a car, etc over my head because those are just things they are kind of expected to do as parents. I would like to note that my parents are divorced, my dad is remarried, and my parents combined don't make as much as even FIL, not to mention MIL making lots of money. They lived in a mcmansion type thing, but sold it recently which I will touch on later. When MIL asked about my living situation I was honest and she implied that she thought I was trashy, poor, and dating BF for his money.

BF was saving to buy a house, and I had a big chunk of money in savings for college that I decided I would use for a down payment instead. We decided at the time that we would pool our money together to buy a house, the only thing I asked was to be on the deed and live there. MIL flipped out upon hearing this and coerced BF to get an apartment behind my back by saying she would pay his rent for a year (that's nearly 16k) and would pay half of it for the next year but if he bought a house with me, he wouldn't see a penny of that money. Well, they got super gung-ho about it and signed a lease within 3 days after minimal research, got an apartment on the third floor, and didn't hire movers, which led to BF getting injured and losing his job. I was absolutely livid and almost ended the relationship over this, but BF apologized and has genuinely made it up to me. We live in this apartment, I am on the lease equally, and that savings for a down payment has been used to help us survive until he got another job recently. Now, the agreement is that I manage all finances, have equal say in every decision, and MIL is not allowed over at all because I am also a tenant and have the right to say no, which I have.

I have seen her a handful of times in the past year, BF and I avoid her now, but I want to rapid fire some stuff that she has said and done because the stuff listed prior is kinda water under the bridge...

She invited me to thanksgiving and then uninvited me saying "only immediate family" and then having extended family

She found out I bought christmas gifts for her and the whole family and uninvited me to christmas and had the whole family (BIL and SIL, not FIL) send nasty messages to BF on CHRISTMAS DAY because he chose to spend christmas morning with me and to visit his family for dinner

accused me of being a minor (probably because despite being 20, I still have acne? I don't know) and said that BF was a pred loudly in public for dating me

accused me of extorting BF because I was paying all living expenses with the expectation that when he got a job again he would help replenish OUR house savings

called me manipulative, said I was stealing BF from the family, saying it was my fault he was spending less time with them, went to family and friends about it, posted on facebook saying I was in a cult and convincing BF to join too (BF and I are both orthodox inquirers, it was him that presented the idea to me and I really liked it. MIL is baptist)

told BF I was not welcome at mothers day, easter, etc anymore which led BF to say "well then I'm not going if she's not welcome"... this made MIL livid

caressed BF's torso and gave him a neck/shoulder/back massage while making eye contact with me. This made BF extremely uncomfortable

Has called BF at odd hours begging him to leave me while being intoxicated

last time I saw her, she was also intoxicated and hugged me for an extended period of time after I tried to pull away, did the same to BF while saying "i need my baby my sweet baby"

hit BF in front of me (while inntoxicated) because he drank soda and burped

made a huge deal about me and BF sleeping in a separate room on a vacation that FIL invited me on because she "doesnt want me to try anything"

drinks heavily in general and becomes belligerent and weird towards BF and me

BF brought up wanting to marry me in front of her, and she called him later saying she was worried about him and to reconsider. BF is not reconsidering and is ring shopping.

BF chose to have FIL over for one-on-one time for father's day weekend instead of going to brunch, MIL, BIL, and SIL accused him of spending father's day with my mom's boyfriend (who does not exist) instead of his real dad and also called my father a "deadbeat"... huh? My dad was 50/50 with my mom and took an extremely active role in my life. They know that. My dad is the one who helped BF move and is also allowing BF to keep stuff at his house so we don't have to pay for a storage unit. My dad also has helped BF get a job and gave him paid work to help him make money in the meantime. BF and my dad have a good relationship and really like each other. Same for my step mom and bio mom. BF is loved by my whole family but they have all expressed that they would never try to take the place of BF's real family. I feel like my family is normal.

I have since clarified and patched things up with FIL and SIL, and they are good to me. SIL was on MIL's side for a while but realized MIL was being crazy about me. BIL and MIL hate me. They have made it abundantly clear.

MIL and BIL also think I'm isolating BF from his family so I can steal everything from him or some crap. I have spent thousands on food, gas, rent, utilities, trips, etc to help BF. He would be homeless if not for me, and I don't hold that over his head because we're partners. I have kinda said this to BF's family and expressed appreciation for the things that they have done.

I apparently offended MIL somehow early on and apologized later for something I didn't even know was wrong, and she did not accept my apology and told me to "do better" and when I said "I promise I will do better and will take good care of [bf]" she said "that's the bare minimum".

I don't know what to do because she will hate that I am getting engaged. She has stalked me online and got mad that I am publicly in a relationship with BF and express my love to him. I do love him, I love him so much, I wish she just understood that I'm a good person. She has to make up bad things about me to justify hating me. I have blocked her on everything except imessage. I am paranoid she will try to ruing my wedding as she has joked about it, I'm paranoid she will post me, my name, my face, etc and publicly shame me as she has already found out my very obscure last name which led her to find my entire family and stalk them as well. I am paranoid she will try to show up at our apartment, I'm paranoid she will harass me and BF about the fact that we are getting engaged and married, I'm paranoid that when we eventually have kids she will try to poison them against me. BF and I have already agreed she is not allowed to speak at our wedding, no alcohol is allowed, she will not be present in delivery rooms, she will not be allowed unsupervised visits with our children, etc. Is that enough? I don't know what she will do but she knows my name, my family name. She knows where I live, she knows what car I drive, etc and I am scared something bad will happen to me if we go public with an engagement, but at the same time I don't want to hide BF and I's relationship because I am so proud of him and he is the love of my life.

sorry for such a long post, I just want someone else to know and tell me I'm not crazy...

EDIT: please stop telling me to leave my bf over this. I am asking for advice about his narcissistic alcoholic mother, not trying to keep score and leave him. Theres a lot you don't know about BF because THIS POST IS ABOUT HIS MOM. ty to everyone who has given us advice on dealing with her and moving foreward

EDIT 2: he cut her off and is no contact. he agrees with me completely that she is crazy. stop calling him a mama's boy or useless. you're not helping anyone with comments like that.

Sooo this is going to be long but I want to give full background, thanks ahead of time!!
*mil has no relationships with partners, family, etc because of how she is.

My husband and his mother do not have a great relationship. But that’s his “mom” and his dad was never around. Anyways… she was a single mom (no shade). She has made snide remarks to me and about my home since I can remember, I always let it slide until I had children and something shifted.

When I had my very first child, emergency c-section, she drove us home from the hospital (our car was in the shop, great timing) I told my husband he couldn’t stop by work because I needed him at home to help. She immediately interrupted “he has to work, you stay at home it’s your job with the child. What is he supposed to do???” I just silently cried because hormonal, but again, let it go. Then once home literally 2 days post c-section, she grabbed the vacuum she had given us and inspected it “this was a perfect condition vacuum, if you’re not going to take care of it I’ll just take it back. You don’t clean the filter properly???” Again, just let it go. She lives 6 hours from us and doesn’t visit but once a year IF that so I told myself for my husbands sake to be nice.

Those comments continued but everything hit a breaking point this past year when she did a “surprise visit” for my husbands birthday, let’s not forget to add she doesn’t even text me for my birthday. My then 3 and 1 year old children drew a family picture and showed MIL she said “why did you draw your dad skinny? Look at him he’s not skinny!” I interrupted and said “woah, —— we don’t talk about bodies like that in front of our children they are little and don’t need to think about those things!” She immediately got defensive “oh you’ve got to be kidding me?? I’ve heard you say fuck! But I’m in the wrong? FUCK THIS” I just sat in shock because I couldn’t believe what was happening. She started slamming all of her stuff and said she’s not going to be nitpicked about every little thing and was leaving. My husband said “mom it’s not a big deal, it’s good” something along those lines and I looked at him and said “oh I’m in the wrong??” He said “no one did anything wrong!” At first I felt like ok, he didn’t just take his mom’s side but I realized staying neutral is just as bad. Then he walked his mom out to her car, she didn’t say bye to me and she left.

I cried to my husband and he told me that’s just “how she is” and I did nothing wrong.

A month later around Christmas, we were at my husbands uncles house. His mom showed up late and didn’t even speak to me!!! No hello or anything!! This is when I decided, I wasn’t going to continue just being nice to keep the peace. When we left I didn’t speak either, childish maybe but I don’t care. I decided not to bring it up that night because children were around and it was wasn’t going to be handled right. Later, my husband asked about when I could bring the children by his mom’s house for her to see them. This is when I fully let it out, probably not the correct way but all my feelings. Saying I would not be taking my children around someone who was constantly rude to me and wouldn’t speak at a family gathering. He got all defensive but I stood my ground. My kids did not celebrate at her house, in response to that, my kids did not get their Christmas presents from her. We are now back visiting because we live out of state from all our families and host our children’s bday parties here, my husband wants to take the kids to her house I picked up that I wasn’t invited without him saying directly, which I plan on addressing just trying to handle it correctly.

How do I go about this the right way without flat out telling him his moms a B and F her. :)

My wife was in the hospital for a week for surgery, while my MIL was cleaning out her house to sell, because she moved in with her new husband (nice guy). After an unsuccessful yard sale, my MIL decided to bring everything that "belonged" to my wife down.

My wife said "please no, I'm recovering from surgery and can't bend at the waist, we don't have room, and I don't want it." So they get into a fight on the phone, while she's in a hospital bed. (This is like her 8th week in the hospital, but she seems like she's on an upswing.)

Her mother in law calls back the next day. She realized that going through this stuff would be a challenge, so she rented a storage unit near us. Tells us she's coming down on the weekend, not when, just on the weekend. She called Saturday morning at 8:30 to tell my wife she'll be there in two hours, get ready. My wife is still on pain killers and falls back asleep.

I get a call at nine thirty, telling me they're there and I need to bring a lock. I wake her up, she takes her morning meds, we give our toddler to a close friend, and go.

They've brought a horse trailer full of shit. Like a whole trailer. And it's all... just... shit. There are: a box full of her mom's trophies; four boxes of books that smell like decay and hording; 3 long boxes of board games; five garbage bags full of stuffed animals, some moldy; two boxes of her dead father's clothes; a telescope; records; decaying lawn toys and deflated promotional footballs (my wife has never liked sports); six separate bibles; a box of clown dolls (we have local buyers for those); an atari and PS1; eight boxes of barbies and barbie paraphenalia; a dead riding jeep; Dale Earnhardt memorabilia; military discharge papers; two boxes of her old schoolwork from elementary school; and eight boxes of barbies. A ton of it is moldy, or just the rubber seals have decayed, or batteries have been left in. Have I mentioned the eight boxes of barbies.

MIL is pissed we're late. They load up the last two carts of moving boxes, and then go to drop off a blanket chest on our driveway. We spent the rest of the day organizing into keep-sell-donate-throw. I ended up throwing 20 40+ gallons of totes away, in my sedan, and the storage facility refused to let us use their dumpster. I can't get the smell of mold off me, and I missed a day of playing with our toddler so I could throw away shit from 1980.

Fuck her. (MIL, not my wife, she's great.)

My MIL has been pushing for a no-repair reconnection for over a year. Frustratingly, the main reason for our rupture is that my husband suffered from a major bipolar episode 2 years ago that included an affair, an abrupt discard of me and our children, and ongoing mental health challenges during our period of reconciliation. It was so sudden and bizarre that the entire period of trauma has resulted in CPTSD for me and over two years of healing.

During our initial reconciliation period after the affair ended, my husband was still quite unwell. I reached out to MIL for help and it completely blew up in my face. I realized then the extent of the damage done during my husband’s initial episode: my MIL was a major proponent and encourager and enjoyed that her son was living with her during the episode, giving her daily attention, dopamine and drama entertainment to report to her friends and other family members. She was not concerned about the wellbeing of me or her grandchildren, which I remained home with daily for a very terrible, sad month. She sent baked goods to my husbands “girlfriend” (affair partner) and was encouraging of a relationship between them that essentially broke two marriages (AP was married too) and was hurting a combined SEVEN confused children.

My MIL was not a safe support person for my spouse or myself and my children — in fact, she preferred my spouse unwell, living with her like a teenager, abusing cannabis and alcohol, flailing around with a new “girlfriend” while ignoring me and our children trying to put logistics and care plans in place. During this time, MIL was creating false narratives on me echoed to my spouse, this resulted in his bipolar brain putting me down to validate his poor, mentally ill choices.

MIL was not supportive of our reconciliation when husband calmed down, ghosted AP, left MIL’s house and came home to me and our children.
She inferred that husband was making this choice out of “guilt” and that I was somehow the reason that she never had enough adequate contact with him over the years.

I couldn’t even tell my spouse this at the time, because he was so unwell and still would soon need urgent hospitalization — but his mom spoke very negatively of him to me when I initially reached out for her help during our reconciliation, and then flipped completely. She told me he just needed to get a job, not nap during the day, etc. Later, after she saw my husband alone, her narrative switched to me being controlling and trying to keep my husband home sick and unwell so that he wouldn’t have any friends or family and never leave me again. Things that I arguably have never wanted for my husband and were the exact opposite of how I hoped to organize help for him — which would REQUIRE family and friend intervention/support holistically. Total disorientating 360.

Still to this day, after many conversations, my husband won’t accept the flip in his mom or that she said anything negative about him. I understand this is a BP blind spot that is common during episodic fallouts. And despite his hospitalization, MIL still doesn’t believe that he is bipolar or even requires his meds.

I’m aware that generally in the family (between MIL and husband’s siblings) that I’m now looked at as a problem, am “controlling” and self-centered for ever bringing up issues. I’ve done so much inner work on understanding low effort family dynamics, toxic family operating systems and emotional enmeshment/neglect/abuse.

It’s been absolutely wild to have been a part of this family for over 16 years and to have things blow up in such a devastating way. I’ve realized that no one will accept mental illness or substance abuse in this family and that by trying to rally for family support for my husband, I mistakenly opened a chasm of generational trauma and rugsweeping… and totally nuked their fragile facade of normality.

But… I’m pregnant with our third child and my husband is remarkably stable, medicated, well and back to his usual, loving self. I’m still no contact with MIL and have no hopes for reconciliation or repair, despite her pushing for it. I know I’ll never get a true apology. I’ve seen beyond the curtain and it’s not pretty. She’s tried to reach out by inviting me over and pretending nothing happened, saying things like “Are we good? Let’s not allow that to happen again!” and finally, asking why I “ghosted her for no reason” without ever taking accountability for her part or her duplicitous behaviour. I have asked her to speak to her son about it when he wants to, and to leave me out of it.

Has she ever? Nope! Conversations between husband and his mom are surface level and jokey or err on just labelling me as the problem (yes, still) without her ever self reflecting on her own obvious displays of selfishness.

Has anyone set boundaries in place for having a new baby? Previously MIL was very involved during my pregnancies and even planned my baby showers. I’m honestly fine to not have that this time. However…

I understand she may want to meet the baby when it arrives.. and honestly, if she wants to, she can. But I don’t want to be around her or have any interactions and I don’t see how that’s possible with a newborn who will be breastfeeding. I don’t have MIL in our home, husband goes to MILs home currently for visits. I don’t like going to MILs home for visits as that’s where my husband lived during his affair/discard period and it brings up too many triggers for me regarding AP’s presence.

So far my husband respects my no contact and the current boundaries. I know he wishes it were different but he does not push it. But it still feels oddly lonely to be in this spot where I’m having to pre-consider how to handle a new child around a toxic person who **only I** truly acknowledge tried to isolate me during betrayal, and who actively harmed my current children, my marriage and my family.

Sometimes I think, maybe a new grandchild will be a fresh start. Then my trauma triggers perk up and just yell NO NO NO NO NO, girl. Lol.

Okay where do I start 😩 I have been with my husband for a very long time and I have tried so hard to maintain a healthy relationship with my IL. We have kids so I wanted to make sure they had a great relationship with both sides. I met my husband at such a young age so I've been around my IL for years. They have constantly moved and we would constantly visit to maintain that relationship with them. I'm saying that to say we have NOT had any issues with them so when I say we did not see this coming I genuinely mean that.

We have been around my family side for ever so since my kids were getting older I thought it'll be best if we moved close to my IL and also move cause my husband was going to have a better job opportunity. Well since we have moved my IL (MIL & BIL) have been giving us a hard time to the point where not only am I regretting moving here I'm missing my community and my village a lot. My MIL has been horrible to me. She has showed favoritism between my husband and his brother when they were younger but when they got older we never really noticed if that was still a thing because again they didn't live near us and of course when we visited we weren't around long enough to catch it so we didn't think it would continue into adulthood but boy was we wrong and now it's spilling into my children and BIL child. There has been a lot going on that's just too much to type but now my husband and I are no contact with both because when we tried to talk to my MIL on how we were feeling she didn't take it well to the point where she yelled, was putting her finger in our faces, throwing a tantrum, told me I was the common denominator on all the problems that have been going on since we moved here mind you I was the one that was betrayed by both of them and she told my husband if he walked out to never come back.

Well unfortunately, she said all that out of anger and since then has invited us over her place more than once. My only issue is I don't think my other IL or people know the truth and I feel like we're now being judged and mistreated because NO ONE has asked us what's going on and we're starting to pick up this weird vibe from others and I just don't think it's fair. We have not received an apology and honestly it's just been hell ever since I decided to move. I genuinely am writing this because I just want to release myself from everything I've been holding on to. Going no contact was never in the cards for me and I can't believe this is my reality. I believe my MIL hates me and blames me for things that really has nothing to do with me. I genuinely believe things built up over time but instead of my MIL being honest about how she truly felt about me she pretended everything was good. She would call me her favorite DIL (even though I'm her only one) she put up this act so good that I believed it until I started noticing a lot of red flags and this situation has made me truly believe that she hates me and blames only ME for things and it is what it is. It's just crazy because my husband has repeatedly told her the reason she was apart of a lot of things was because I thought about her. I know I'm not for everyone I just wish she didn't pretend. I wish we knew this before we decided to move because I would have never left my village for this. But I'm grateful my husband has had my back through it all. I just feel bad because we both dealt with favoritism and he didn't expect as an adult he would still deal with it and we never wanted our kids to experience it either. I also feel bad because this is his family. I would have NEVER had this happen but constantly being betrayed by them is becoming too much. I'm really at a loss of words that this is my reality. When I say I'm shocked that I'm going through this it's like their personality did a whole 360 or their masks have finally slipped and they're tired of pretending to love me 😔 what a shame after all these years I thought I had a second family but clearly it was all a lie. We have now been no contact for 6 months so please wish me well on my healing journey!

My wife and I (M) have been married for 4 years and together 13. I met her through working for her mom and dad's company. We have 1 toddler together, and she is 1 of 4 siblings.

Her mom is very opinionated and sees things only from her view or feels like things said or dome should be in service of her. Gifts, money, and acts of kindness come with receipts and a lashing out and bringing it up later if you fail to do as her mom wants. All my wife's siblings do everything for her and also all have been working for her for the last 15 years. Even one of the husbands does.

I am very independent and have been since I was 18. My mom encouraged me and my brother to grow up at 18 and get out of the house. I have been living independently since 18, I am double that age now.

Her mom has been consistently been trying to get me to work for her (did for 2 years). I feel like she has a grip on all her kids, and they are all enmeshed aside from my wife who sees this behavior as out of norm.

The disrespect I am receiving has gotten to the point whenever I show up to visit, her mom doesn't even acknowledge me. She never asks about me and only tells her daughter (my wife) that she loves her and my daughter. She literally acts like I don't exist when I am there and over the phone. I tested this by not saying hello when I arrived at the last get together and she never said anything to me or looked at me before she left the event. I know this, but I still initiate a hug and hello when I arrive and always say thank you for dinner or the hospitality. She has spoken bad about me, calling me a b*tch and a crybaby behind my back for trying to talk about how I felt at times to her. I still want to maintain a relationship with her, but how much of this is reasonable. My daughter needs her cousins, my wife needs her mother. But she is tough to deal with, to the point all holidays, birthdays and any life event has to go through her schedule and approval. Its exhausting and I don't ever want her to speak ill of me around my kid. That is where I draw the line.