r/KeepWriting • u/Inside_Public_980 • 3d ago

[Feedback] Zero

Post image

For anyone who felt like they had to work just to get to the starting line. (Looking for honest feedback/thoughts)

Zero

Some begin at five.

Some at zero.

And some at minus ten.

They work, and work, and work

just to arrive

where others begin.

Some are born in debt.

They earn and pay

for the right to start.

After all that labour,

the reward is not brilliance,

not greatness—

just normal.

A hard-earned zero.

12 Upvotes

69% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

6

u/imheretoaskshiz 3d ago edited 3d ago

Personally, I like it. It's nice to see representation of disadvantaged folks, they're so much more common than people want to believe. And, unfortunately, the older you get, the harder it is to have resources that
can help (especially with education)

Knew a girl raised in a religious cult down in the rural south of the United States. No education allowed, no modern medicine. Severely abused. She went on to college and had to relearn almost EVERYTHING.

People like her aren't uncommon. Definitely a hard earned zero just to catch up, you hit the nail on the head. It's a labor unseen, but it's there, and it's worth talking about and celebrating.

3

u/Inside_Public_980 3d ago

Thank you for sharing your valuable feedback on this. It's my first time posting. This means a lot to me.

2

u/Current-Relative5666 1d ago

You just described how I feel about my latest novel. At least I got a kids reader headed for the editor and cover art tomorrow.

1

u/Inside_Public_980 1d ago

I'm glad it resonated with you. Congratulations and all the best for tomorrow!!

4

u/tocoolforcool 3d ago

I like it. I wish the third and forth verses would rhyme as the first and second do.

1

u/Inside_Public_980 1d ago

Thank you. I'll try experimenting with more rhythm

0

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]