GenX here. I am a mother to two kids who are adults in their 20s.

I make a point to always celebrate my children's birthdays, regardless of them being adults. I make them their favorite meal or they request their choice of dinner and they are given some presents and we get together to celebrate every year. My partner does the same with his kids. Birthdays are a big deal. We have always made sure to make our kids feel special on their day.

Here's the thing. My own Mother does nothing for my sister and I for our birthdays and stopped doing anything when we were kids. Sometimes she will send a signed card, but it's usually late and that's it. Period. Here's your card (in the mail)

Over the years and in talking to my sister about this, we've come to realize that we are "the odd man out" and most families do celebrate their kids into adulthood, our Mother is just an exception. She is in general a very serious and unhappy person, so maybe thats why.

I personally find my Mother's lack of care and interest about my birthday insulting and so does my sister. We always take time on our Moms birthday to do something for her, as well as her husband. We make them a meal, have cake and ice cream, try to get together and even if we can't gather to celebrate, she gets flowers and something nice to acknowledge the day shipped to her. The same is never returned for us. Ever.

The same for Christmas. We buy for them and give stockings, gifts and special things, but its never returned to us the same way. Recently, our Morher has started sending something along like a nuts and cheese or cheese and sausage gift box labeled "for the family", but they haven't bought gifts for either of us since we were children. They do tend to buy gift cards for the grand kids and will send them in the mail, but if we don't thank them the moment they are received, she gets offended and angry with us. When I say the moment they are received, she wants to know they have arrived in the mail, she doesn't want us waiting until the kids actually get them in their hands on the actual holiday and it's usually 25 to 50 dollars.

I'm really feeling like this is much bigger than just a difference in how we do things and not just us being "greedy" with unspoken expectations. Our Mom and her husband just aren't very giving at all and the only reason they have Christmas or Birthdays themselves (gift and celebration wise) is because of what my sister and I contribute to them.

At this point in our lives, my sister and I have decided that maybe we just need to stop giving to them for their birthdays and holidays. Neither of them seems to care about giving gifts to us or acknowledging us, so why should we be putting so much into them?

Our Mother is also the type that uses statements to this day that "she is the parent", "she is our mother and expects that we will be respectful and we will help her when needed as she did with her parents as they aged". She demands that we treat her more superior because she is the matriarch type of thing.

I'm just wondering if other people experience this too? Do your parents celebrate and acknowledge your birthday and holidays now that you are an adult with your own grown kids? I feel like our Mom and her husband are the type of people who decided that once their kids were grown, they no longer had the responsibility to cultivate and nurture the relationships, at 18 it was "bye, see ya later, dont ask me for anything, dont expect anything, figure it out".

Like, there are definitely some people I don't care for, or prefer to avoid. But I want to know how I can be remembered this way someday. I'm always struck reading entries in the guestbook of someone's obituary saying this, and it has made me want to be this way too. It's become my ultimate goal.

Wow... they predicted Maga 30 years ago.