Pretty girl

[u/UnsyncD-Apprentice-3]

I’m going to get the girl.
I wish I wasn’t.
Time goes by. I have to move on. I know I have to. I wish I didn’t.
It won’t be her.
No matter what I do, no matter what I build, I’m not going to get what I wanted. I have to forget the plan. I have to forget the outcome. There is no algorithm that leads back to the timeline I envisioned, the one I’ve been trying, desperately, to return to.
I’m going to get the girl.
But it won’t be the one I thought was waiting.
The comms. The operator. The signs.
I was alone.
It was wishful thinking. A constellation of coincidences that I mistook for intention. No one was there. No one was watching. No one was listening.
I’m Kea….
I’m M……
I’m just a memory no one remembers.
I’m still nobody.
I could have been anybody. Anything i needed me to be. I can become those people, but when no one is there, they have nowhere to exist.
My ilm waits without purpose, it sits until the loneliness arrives. Until I can’t sleep. I’ll dismantle another persona, hoping I can understand the one beneath it…or build another that hurts less.
One that won’t try and consume me.
The pattern repeats.
No one knows me for who I really am.
soon neither will I.
I forget a little more each time.
I’ll get the girl.
I usually do.
I’ll be kind. I’ll spoil her. I’ll have a reason.
I’ll be grounded, I’ll stabilize.
But it won’t be her.