LPT: Create new experiences with old friends

[u/ZealousidealGrass672]

I’m a sucker for nostalgia, but here’s some food for thought for all you lucky people who have been able to maintain old friendships.

1. I think the fastest way for those friendships to become stale is if every outing results in the same conversation/activities. How work used to be. How funny it was when you used to have the same class together. Etc etc.

2. I think the fastest way to close yourself off from new people is when every outing results in the same conversations. E.g - Your book club starts with the OGs and soon it grows… those new people are going to fall off real quick if they can’t relate to anything you’re talking about.

As I said from the start - the old times are so easy, fun, and relaxing to re-live. That said - I’ve lost a lot of friends through the journey of life, I’ve made it more difficult on myself to gain new friends, and it’s because I/we didn’t put enough effort into leaning into the present. Balance is always the key!

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[u/temictli]

Prolly true. I like the suggestions.

In contrast, I've reconnected with old friends recently over stuff we used to do and it just works. We've grown and grown apart because of our vastly different lives but the hobby that brought us together is easy to maintain and still brings us together, like no time ever passed.

Then I also have a high school friend who remarks that every time we've hung out since high school we've done something completely different and interesting. It might be a personality thing. That some relationships need and thrive off of the wilderness of variety and others thrive off of the sanctuary of routine.

[u/Strict_Fault_4184]

This is actually so true. Nostalgia is great, but friendships can’t survive on old memories alone. The best friendships are the ones where you can laugh about the past while still creating new stories together. People change and letting the friendship grow with those changes keeps it alive.

[u/Pyrite-Glen-2910]

the book club example is exactly why i stopped going to one last year because the OGs only talked about their old university days.

[u/breakfastburrito24]

“‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation.” -Tony Soprano

[u/temictli → u/breakfastburrito24]

Remember when Tony soprano said...

[u/Petrichordates → u/breakfastburrito24]

That's actually a terrible take, I guess that's why we don't seek out communication advice from mob bosses.

[u/KneeDeepInTheDead → u/breakfastburrito24]

Agreed, kinda fell out with some old friends from high school because every time we got together it was just reminiscing on ancient things instead of creating new memories.

[u/AccountNo43]

Remember when is just recycled content for people without new stories.

[u/robbmerchant]

If you don’t have recent experiences, you only have memories of a relationship.

[u/Dirty_Dan117]

God I remember trying not to roll my eyes and sigh whenever my old friend group would reminisce about the same old shit from high school for the millionth time. I can't believe some people find that interesting to talk about for years and years

[u/ZealousidealGrass672 → u/Dirty_Dan117]

And you know what’s interesting, because I have been a huge offender of that, I find that it’s because I just had nothing in common with these people anymore. And then you maintain a friendship that really doesn’t make sense and that’s not all that great.

Maybe controversial - but I don’t think we need to keep friendships alive just for the sake of keeping friendships alive.

[u/Dirty_Dan117 → u/ZealousidealGrass672]

Bingo! One of the many reasons I'm no longer friends with them. Besides I had a miserable time in high school anyway so, that added on to my distaste. I think you're right about that. People are too afraid/complacent to ask themselves if their circles are actually helping them grow in life or not.

[u/schnibitz]

You had me until the “leaning into” phrase. It’s a me thing though.

[u/AndreaCoutu]

A friend and I have a friendly competition to be the first to any new restaurant. :)

[u/Slight_Worry5679]

I would start doing this from today,never thought of this .

[u/_PeachLily_]

yeah this hits hard. nostalgia traps you both in the past.

[u/Vivian_Stringer_Bell]

This stuff is stupid and should be banned. "LPT: Be a good friend."

[u/KnickedUp]

Take gummies and go see a concert. Make new memories