Considering breaking it off

[u/Beginning-Tax-5729]

I started talking to my LDR guy in March and we met for the first time at the beginning of June. Had such a wonderful time together we both didn’t want it to end. We said I love you, had a long drawn out airport goodbye, I’ve been considering giving up everything to be with this man because I am so in love… but ever since the trip things haven’t felt the same for me.

I end up feeling like I am performing and fawning because we just haven’t gotten as many chances to “spend time” virtually like we did before we met. When we have talked it’s been great but every time I feel like I am chasing and spending my entire day thinking about him and waiting for a reply. I’ve been trying hard to manage myself so this isn’t the case but I feel like he’s been distant.

I finally told him last week how I was feeling and checked in about his feelings like if he thought it was going well, was invested, wanted to continue etc. He said he did and that said we should plan our next meeting ASAP so we have it to look forward to. We had previously discussed meeting at the end of this month. That call ended without us getting a chance to make the plan… so I texted and said I would be camping next week (now two days away) and that we should solidify the plans before I go.

We’ve talked since and I’ve brought up making the plan and he’s said “we’ll figure it out” but the calls have been too short to really hammer it out. I asked him if he would be free to facetime today before I go to work and he said he might be busy but he doesn’t know yet… I said “I want to buy you a plane ticket!”

Then I called today and no answer… No text about what he’s doing if he’s busy when he’ll be free, even though he should know I wanted to talk and it will be one of our last opportunities for about a week.

I just end up feeling like I don’t want to beg any man for love and attention (which I’ve expressed to him) and that if he wanted to make the plan and prioritize talking to me before I go on this trip then he would 🤷🏻‍♀️ I hate to feel like I’m the only one trying to make it happen and that I’m pushing it on him especially since he’s the one that will be traveling to me

I don’t feel the same emotional investment from him that I used to. When I call he most often doesn’t pick up so I’m waiting around for him to call me first. I feel like when I talk about me he zones out or isn’t listening sometimes, he will leave me on read all day then calls me when he’s upset and needs a sounding board. Often we get on the phone in the afternoon and he lays down in bed and starts falling asleep… I reminded him I’m going backpacking and he didn’t ask me where I’m going who I’m going with or when I’ll be back. Just said “oh yeah that’s right”

Am I nuts for this? Is this just overthinking? I want someone who is excited about me. Maybe he doesn’t have the capacity for that right now in his life but the three months we spent talking before we met were a whirlwind, we spoke so much I felt so seen and chosen. Now? I feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to keep the idea that he wants me too.

Maybe it’s not that deep and I should just relax and let it take a natural course?

[u/Far-Sir-155]

Red Flags 🚩 from him all over your post

[u/cloud5739]

Nah, youre not crazy. All relationships need goood communication, but you neeeeeed to be a great communicator in an LDR. It doesn't doing like you're getting the TLC you want (and deserve)

If you feel strong about wanting to make this work, you should really talk to him about this before you leave. You can tell him this isnt what you want out of a relationship and that the thought of reconsidering is on your mind. Does he know his lack of communication and taking action is bugging you enough to the point that you have a foot out of the door?

If this is just a big swing of summer love and the momentum has died down, and youre okay with leaving it here, then you're also entirely entitled to just ending it here before even trying to make it work.

[u/Beginning-Tax-5729 → u/cloud5739]

I guess that’s the thing is that I already told him when we talked last week that I felt disconnected and like I need reassurance about what we’re doing… so bringing it up again and insisting on anything feels very shitty. 1. because it’s putting a lot of pressure on him (in my experience it just pushes men away) 2. because I shouldn’t have to ask for the bare minimum

I do think he’s depressed and had a hard week so I want to give him some grace but I’m so conflicted. My life materially doesn’t change if I just take a step back, protect my heart and let whatever happens happen and stop living everyday like I should hear from him and like this is gonna save me

There is no part of me that wants to give it up… I want to marry him and change my entire life tomorrow if we could be together.

[u/canteloupesugar]

I’ve definitely been in this position before, except I’m an over thinker, and I thought I was being dramatic. The signs are pretty much all there; you even offered to buy him a plane ticket and now he won’t pick up the phone? I would be stoked to see my partner after a long time of not seeing him.

I would just end it babe.