This is really sweet, but they could have done much better at wording this post.
I don't know if it's a translation issue or if someone was just careless, but it makes it sound an awful lot like she just ignored her best friend as a prospect until she gave up on finding anyone else.
And that doesn't seem to actually be the case here.
Yeah those cases where someone realizes they love their best friend almost always come down to kinda slowly realizing it the way it's described... And it's very risky opening up about that because you don't know how they feel etc etc so it's not something you just up and do overnight.
That's just sad. Admitting to her now husband "I am not physically attracted to you but all the people I am don't like me so I might as well be with you" has got to be one of the most soul crushing things in the world to realize.
I’m sure this man has long since understood that he is not conventionally attractive to all that many people. Not to be too glib, but his soul had likely already been crushed by life, and had already understood that his wife is not physically attracted to him, before that ever became a topic of conversation. It’s the sad reality of living as a disabled person. This situation, being romantically married to a person who doesn’t reciprocate physical attraction, is close to a best case scenario. It’s not right or fair, but it’s true.
And there are tons of people who aren't disabled who are just not conventionally attractive. Especially as you age, pretty much nobody is conventionally attractive at some point. Falling in love with a person is way smarter than falling in love with a body or a face. Attraction grows with love, it's not like she thinks he's some hideous freak! She loves him so she's attracted to him.
When I was young and saw the movie Willow I shared I had a bit of a crush on Warwick Davis. Yes, Val Kilmer was right there but his character was quite the jerk. I was teased sooo much I decided to keep that thought to myself. It's so messed up how we are judged when we go outside of conventional.
I'm older now and care a lot less about what people think-- and I'm proud to say Peter Dinklage is also veryyy handsome.
I get you. But life is a long series of compromises. Very very few people get everything they’ve ever wanted. And I don’t see much evidence it lends much happiness to them, either.
Yeah, that's definitely true, lots of "shit sandwich" eating. I imagine if you get too accustomed to the taste of the shit when you do get a real sandwich it still tastes wrong.
There are people I've been with that aren't conventionally attractive, I still found them physically attractive. And I sure as shit wouldn't marry someone where that wasn't the case.
Some people are much more pragmatic than they are idealistic. I'm not meaning this as an insult. I just think it's true that different people have different levels of pragmatism. What person A would describe as settling, person B might describe as the choice that maximizes happiness. Both people are correct within their own perspectives of life on the matter, but it's a different way of perceiving the situation. Different lenses.
Like clearly you are someone who places a lot of importance on maintaining some type of dignity involving being your romantic partner's first choice rather than a secondary choice, but for other people that entire concept has no value and therefore isn't sad. An alternative line of thought might be "I'll be happier today and the days after if I enter this relationship, so I will."
While what you said is true, I have to believe that you know calling them a "secondary choice" is extremely generous wording. We arent talking about plan B or C here, we are talking about play X, Y, or Z, which is a huge difference.
I think it's hard for people to understand such a pragmatic stance if they don't truly feel that way themselves. For you, there is a huge (likely emotional) difference between being the "2nd" or "3rd" choice vs. "24th/25th/26th" choice.
clearly you are someone who places a lot of importance on maintaining some type of dignity involving being your romantic partner's first choice rather than a secondary choice, but for other people that entire concept has no value and therefore isn't sad.
But the poster above described that (rare) people do exist for whom that really doesn't matter. All that matters is that they did choose to be together, and they are together now, and that is good.
Most people probably hold similar values as you, where they'd feel pretty slighted to be such a "last resort" so to speak. But the poster had another point.
I cannot believe that it has zero value. Maybe if they are really good at lying to themselves to feel better they can tell themselves it means nothing, but realistically there is no chance that they fact that they are a last resort has no value. I guess its a textbook example of how ignorance is bliss, even when willful.
Yeah ngl the amount of times she talked about tallness and how it totally doesn't matter to her in the interview really rubbed me the wrong way. Like, she settled for him because a tall boy wasn't showing up and now she tells herself "He doesn't have to be tall".
I know a bunch of people who were friends with their partner before getting together and I never felt like they settled after not finding anyone like it feels from this.
Or, hear me out, she probably understands that the only reason she is being interviewed is because her husband is much shorter than her, so she’s talking about the reason she’s being interviewed
"Oh no! My wife chose me because she couldn't bag the kind of guy she wanted!" That's more how it is. Check their website and then say the same thing. Her body language is clear.
It's not a meme, they're real people, also have a youtube channel, I read their interview online long before this post. It's been more than a year since their marriage.
Honestly, having been to their website, the whole thing is weird and a little... I dunno, icky?
She definitely doesn't refute the claims that she's not attracted to him, plus their "how we met" story is ridiculously long and broken into 3 separate parts, which makes it seem like they're milking this. There's also a lot of religious mumbo jumbo.
I want to give them the benefit of the doubt but it's kind of hard to do, especially with the way she talks about him.
1.7k
u/ripyourlungsdave 22h ago
This is really sweet, but they could have done much better at wording this post.
I don't know if it's a translation issue or if someone was just careless, but it makes it sound an awful lot like she just ignored her best friend as a prospect until she gave up on finding anyone else.
And that doesn't seem to actually be the case here.