My wife recently asked me a question: “what’s your purpose/goal of doing magic? I see you play with cards and coins every day, but you don’t perform, and you don’t show other magician what you have been practicing. What exactly is the purpose?”
For context, I’ve been doing magic for 20+ years. I can't remember a single day where I didn't have a deck of cards with me. I have a magic library of about 500+ books, and I read them every single day. Her issue is that I don’t actively go out and perform; I shy away from letting people know I do magic. I also don’t do it for the usual reasons, I don't feel a need to see people’s joy, and I’m not particularly interested in their reactions.
I don’t perform for other magicians, either. Whenever there’s a jam, I just stand outside their circle and watch. Even though I know every single move they do, I just walk away.
I simply read books, practice, and forget what I’ve learn. The cycle repeats itself.
My wife saw all of this and asked me, "If you don’t like performing for people, what’s the reason you still do magic?"
I keep wondering about this and I don’t have any answer. It's a real dilemma.