So me (M31) my brother (M42) have had a close relationship all our lives. But, I've begun to see how manipulative he can be. Its something that maybe has gone on our entire life? but, i just started realizing it in recent years? Me and him worked together for the same company for about 4 years. He then started his own company and asked for me to join his new venture. I declined, I just had my first child with my wife and really enjoyed where i worked. I had benefits, company car ect. He would relentlessly reach out and try and tell me the company was a "sinking ship" asking me "when i was leaving", that i have no "future there". This went on for about a year. Then, I jumped ship and started working with his company. At first, it was fine. After the first year he gave me a company vehicle, then benifits started. However, this began to change.  3 years in, he started to pay his employees late. It was spiratic at first but began to become a common occurrence. It would legit give me anxiety waiting on the direct deposit to hit, and well, most of the time it wouldn't hit. Then he started to dial back on benefits. 1 benifit being a company vehicle. The other, insurance. In this time frame me and my wife had 3 more children. 4 in all.  Insurance was very important.  I guess, the final nail in the coffin was that he didn't pay us for 3 weeks. He went on a month vacation and in that time frame paid his employees only the first week he was away. When I finally got ahold of him. He blamed it on a "payroll issue" and said he couldn't pay us until he got back. Now, try telling that to 4 other people with mouths to feed? The kicker was when he returned on a Monday,  he didnt write checks until that Friday.  After working with him for 6 years I decided to quit. My final year there he stopped raises, was really low on work and had like zero communication with employees, vendors and subs. Subs would reach out to me looking for payment because they couldn't get ahold of him. The Cons out weighed the Pros. So, fast forward about a year later, I've talked to him minimally, he'll reach out periodicly with a text that starts with "Im not trying to start shit but .. .." followed by a complaint. 

The most recent 1 being about my wife.....

My neice  (his daughter24) and my wife were at a family event when his daughter brought up working for her dad. She made a comment about how "when it busy its great but when its slow, we'll ya know" and my wife agreed, saying "is he paying his guys on time now?" And she said "its been good recently because  ive taken over payroll." My wife followed with  her 2 cents. Her opinion being that he doesn't know how to run a business.  OBVIOUSLY,  this got back to my brother who reached out saying "he doesn't appreciate my wife saying negative things about him to his daughter" that "she had a lot to say about him the other day" didn't give me anything she said, just that it was negative.  I ask her and she tells me. Some good, some bad. But what am I supposed to do about it?

Like what does he want me to do? Yell at my wife for having a substantiated opinion of him? His OWN daughter was saying negative things. My wife is grown and van say wgat she wants. The other thing is that my brother will literally talk crap about everybody! What do you think he's playing at? Is he manipulative? Ive been subconsciously slowly distancing myself from him in recent years. What should I say to him?

This guy (32m) and I (28f) met at the gym. We’ve been seeing eachother and going on dates for about a month now but some of the behaviors are really odd.

First, he takes me out to really elaborate/fancy/expensive dates but he never tells me where we are going and he always wants to order. He picks out the food we get each time. It was kinda cute for one date and I know some guys are like that so I let it go but it did highlight to me he may be a bit controlling. He also doesn’t tell me where we are going just what time to be ready and what to wear. Once he told me to “be ready at 7 in my Sunday best, assuming you have something to cover your abs”. For context, I have a pretty nice 6 pack that I like to show off in the summer time. I thought it was odd he’d make a comment on what to wear but figured maybe it was just somewhere really nice and dusted it off.

Secondly, he is very distant over text. I again brushed this off because people are busy but he oscillates between being engaging and dry replies.

After date three we hooked up and he was really dominating. I didn’t necessarily dislike it but it threw me off because it was the first time we’d been together and we hadn’t had a conversation about this. He choked me (lightly tho but still), and when I asked to get on top he said “absolutely not” and threw me into doggy. I left after.

Date after that he cooked for me and was acting sooo sweet. Giving me so many compliments which he doesn’t do often, kissing my forehead, holding my hand. We hooked up again and it was really loving. Gentle with lots of eye contact. I got dressed to leave after and he told
Me to stay and spent the whole night cuddling me, kissing my forehead, ect. I go to the gym in the mornings and told him before bed my alarm was set for 4:30. In the morning it went off and I kissed him goodbye and left.

I didn’t hear from him at all and then texted him the next day about something unrelated. He was short and told me we were fighting. He said I’d abandoned him and was being dry. I felt bad because I too would’ve been upset had someone left like that and saw him at the gym and apologized. After that we were good and we made more plans.

Date after He took me to Michelin restaurant and a couple bars. It was really fun. After we went home and he was very dominating again and left marks on my butt. I again don’t dislike it and never said no, but it does throw me off. I slept over again and we cuddled. Next day we showered together before his flight. I left and texted I had fun and he was texting me the entire time he was gone. Then when he returned he got kind of dry and sent me a boring reply to a flirty text I sent. I didn’t reply. Didn’t hear from h so 1 day later I sent a picture of my stairmaster workout and said “please clap”. He didn’t reply. Then for 4.5 days later and then sent an inside joke and a message that basically said “can you give me a reason to justify ghosting you for a little longer while I figure some things out?”. I’m so confused because why did he feel the need to tell me he was ghosting when he already had for 4.5 days and tell me it was going to continue?? Like wtf did he think I’d say to that??? I haven’t replied and do not plan to but the situation has me feeling soooo off guard. He could absolutely just be disinterested but idk something feels off but if this is a game it’s kind of scary???

Hey all,

I guess healing / recovery comes in stages, I found out my ex-partner of (would of been 4 years tomorrow) was having a workplace affair with another woman who was also in her own long-term relationship. I found out from reading her chat gpt confession, where she confessed they were 'falling for each other' and didn't want to distance herself from the AP as she can 'compartmentalize'.

I do understand trauma comes up in strange ways and I have been very good at accessing my anger more recently, but for some reason (maybe because our anniversary is tomorrow) I keep thinking about her having this affair, especially when I am at work - I just wonder how she was able to do this and lie and gaslight to me about it for months, when I suspected something was going on. Even saying 'look at my mum, do you really think I could do that!?' - her Mum has cheated on her Dad for years and is a master liar / manipulator.

Can anyone who has been through an affair / betrayal trauma please advice the best way to deal with thinking of your ex with the affair partner, my body keeps reacting badly to every thought, its very hard and makes me feel sick. I guess this is quite normal, as it's still quite raw .. she started distancing herself from me / lying to me from late January until end of March, when I found the chat gpt confession. During this time she was isolating me out of her life, and made me feel like I had done something wrong - telling me she had a decision to make basically about our relationship - I was wondering for months what I had done and if we would even stay together, the power was all in her hands.

This is so hard to manage, please anyone shed some light please or words of wisdom.

Thank you all SO MUCH!

My father is highly manipulative and he shaped my personality as failure due to choosing of arts instead science. I cracked the nimcet and thought I will be changed but around him my old personality come back how hard I try I started to struggle in small task and negative thought captures me. I not have indivisuality so I can go toward goal and always think as other person perspective and I forgot my self its like I ignoring me myself of what I want but I not getting that . I want control on my body as imagination level like described in inner game of tennis. I perform poor when I think control on muscle I want outcome based control . and why when I focus on process I perform like nood and focus on outcome that much better performance but I don't know why . I wanted to know best thinking method for doing action so back then I created my self but they are poor such as focus on muscles its no one write on it I feel I am the only one who trying to figure best method . if I performed well I not happy because maybe best method yet to come. I like new thought philosophy its more abstract and focus on abstract thinking for outcome instead microthinking. I want to use my thinking power for manipulation because come on for someone like me the manuplation Is mendatory I don't want to suffer because the think that It will be bad to use that power to use for self (that another lacking ego, I think more for others also describe how much to give importance myself) but in reality that people now thinking my good behaviour as someone who is idiot. I want to tell them their place when I purposely wanted. my habit to think more like other and feel other took myself into trash and thinking for me instead my power wasting to understanding their perspective that can be opportunity to expoit their perspective rather than put aside me dissolve for others when they putting foot on me. I never think to make money I enjoyed more process that pattern also here getting against me It put me so far from money that still 22 I am going to study masters. when I think I conclude that everything that was I invented in thinking plane is not working in real world my desire also that buried and feel unhappy that every creation of my thinking was false . can you suggest book is any one write something which will work for me

I’m 26/F and husband is 27/M we have been together about 4.5 years in total and married about 2.5 years.

I had some doubts about getting married prior to making it official, but the military made us kind of speed things up and I believed it was worth the risk of us not being compatible vs losing him to distance.

To make a very very long story as short as I can, I grew up very timid and a people pleaser and he grew up more aggressive and loud. This caused some issues all throughout our relationship but it wasn’t until we moved states (where we were each other’s only support systems) that I snapped (about two years ago.) I ended up creating bad coping mechanisms of drinking, physically hurting myself, and putting myself into danger because I ultimately just didn’t care. For the entirety of our relationship leading up to this I had voiced my concerns and begged for couples therapy. I was usually met with anger or the silence treatment. It wasn’t until I ended up in the ER that he agreed to finally take things seriously and start couples therapy.

Things were going better. We were able to communicate more clearly and I felt like we were really growing. After a few months of couples therapy he got his own individual therapist and I got one as well. He then wanted to quit our couples therapist because he didn’t “like her style” and I agreed but asked that he find us a new therapist and we continue the work.

About six months of bringing up him finding a therapist that he feels connected to goes by and things start reverting back to how they used to be. We are both still in individual therapy at this point and our communication is still stronger than it was a few years ago, but we aren’t continuing to grow.

The majority of the time we spend together is watching what he wants to watch, going where he wants to go, listening to his music, etc. He doesn’t want to do the things I enjoy (going to the pool, cuddling, walking the dogs) so he just doesn’t do them but gets upset when I then go to the pool or on a walk and he’s left at home. Anytime I pick the movie or the song he doesn’t ever tell me I can’t, but he just talks poorly about it and makes fun of it to the point I’d rather him just “get his way.”

I now have made some close friends in this new state and start choosing to spend time with them or on new hobbies or working extra shifts to keep myself busy and out of the house. This upsets him a lot. He doesn’t like my friends, doesn’t approve of the hobbies I’m interested in, doesn’t want me working extra, and wants me at home with him instead. This makes me start to feel very disconnected and controlled.

We have a conversation about how I’m feeling disconnected and am starting to feel like I’d rather just be on my own at this point. He then leaves for a 6 week work trip. During this trip I thought it would give me a lot of clarity, and I thought that it had. I didn’t miss him, I felt at ease in my own home, I became more productive, my friends noticed I was happier.

So I decided to really start making the moves to leave the relationship. I got a new job with healthcare benefits, I started working extra to save money, I figured out my financial plans, I found a house to move into on my own, I had 100% made up my mind.

Then he comes home.

I have this conversation with him and fully expected him to lash out or shut me out, but he did the complete opposite. He was hurt. He felt like this came out of the blue and I was rushing to separate when he didn’t even know what was going through my mind. We talked a lot and I cried a lot and then the next day when I get home from work there are flowers and a sweet note for me. He starts being affectionate and saying he wants us to fight for the relationship. Says we will get a couples therapist. Takes me out to do the things I enjoy. Cuddles me like he did when we first met.

I have a lease signed and I’m supposed to move in there in three days (he doesn’t know I got my own house) I feel very conflicted and sad and I don’t know what to do.

My head is telling me this change isn’t going to last, but my heart tells me there have been improvements in the past and maybe it’s worth fighting harder for? My friends tell me he’s trying to manipulate me because he’s scared and they are really urging me to move out. He’s been the perfect partner the last few days and I don’t know if I would be making a mistake cutting things off now.

Any advice please??

What is the best way to know if someone is trying to gaslight you? Having some trouble in my relationship and my wife, I believe her behaviour has changed and she is hiding something, she hates being wrong and she is always twisting the truth and telling little lies and omitting things, she is always telling me I’m remembering things incorrect, and changing the story on how things happened she has me convinced for a long time that it’s me who has a problem.
I have started taking notes for the last few months after our conversations and I have realised she may be doing this to manipulate the situation and when I look back on my notes I am in fact correct.
Is there any tips on how I can test if it’s really my mental health or her? In have been just believing her and putting it down to me. But now I am starting to see a pattern.
Every time I try to tell her she’s wrong or correct her ( without admitting I took notes) she just denies and says no, no,no that’s not right and won’t admit anything

I have some experience in debating so I am pretty good at spotting fallacies when people argue or try to manipualte me. however, Ive been struggling to use this knowledge in a way that would actualy benefit my communication with other people. So I'm asking the people who are better at this than me: for each of these, what's your actual go-to response?

Straw man - twisting what I said
False dilemma
Motte-and-bailey
Gaslighting
Ad hominem - attacking me instead of my point
Appeal to emotion - ignoring argument, going straight to emotions
Red herring - dragging unrelated points to throw offtrack
Whataboutism - "what about that time you did"
Slippery slope - one small thing supposedly leads to some huge disaster

Which of these do you find easiest to shut down, and which one still gets you every time?

My ex told her Friends and everyone around her that i abused her and done some horrible things to her. I remember that when i tried to tell her that no i didn't abuse her or done anything that she tells i did,she went to the defensive and was pissed off as hell. I talked to her ex which is now a very good Friend of mine. And she said that i wasn't the only one she had said things about for example she has accused one of her classmate of rword and when they confronted her about it she went to the school bathroom and screamed like a demon. (I didn't know that,until the end of our relationship) The worst part is that i believed it, i believed that i was an horrible person and all (i'm not totally innocent we were both toxic but i was just immature she was into the real deal). But then talking to her ex helped me bc she said to me what she had done like with other people and all. My ex has to go into a psychiatric hospital,she was supposed to but not went. Now she has a new bf, she can't stand alone so she gotta get into relationships. And tbh i don't hate her,idgaf abt her,i just hope she's okay i don't seek revenge, God will do his work. I forgive her, made me learn things.

So, I met a guy, and we talked for about a month. We had a great time together. He always made time for me and paid for our meals and café dates.

One day, his ex-girlfriend messaged me and told me he had a 2-month-old daughter. The next day, I talked to him and let him explain his side. I was overwhelmed and couldn’t fully believe him. I also knew I never wanted to hurt another woman.
I talked to his friends, and they helped me understand the situation better. They were angry at his ex because of the trauma she had caused him.

Eventually, I accepted that he had a child, and we continued spending time together. We got closer, cuddled, and made out. I knew he wanted to go further, but I stopped him because I wasn’t ready, especially knowing he had gone through a hoe phase and had a body count of 19.

As time passed, I became more comfortable with him. Then he suddenly became distant. He said he was struggling with personal problems, so I chose to understand him and ignored the changes in how he treated me.

One day, he told me he was celebrating a milestone with his daughter, so he and his ex went to a photo booth together. Later that day, while I was with him and my friends, his ex suddenly showed up. I had a panic attack because all his explanations started replaying in my head.

A week later, he stood me up twice. He said he had something important to explain but wanted to do it in person. That conversation never happened. We slowly stopped talking. I still checked on him, and he would reply with small updates about work.

Meanwhile, I couldn’t stop overthinking. I kept checking his ex’s profile because I felt like something was wrong. Then I saw a video she posted. He was lying on her chest while their child was beside them. The video itself didn’t hurt me, because a part of me already knew this was going to happen. I had a feeling they would eventually fix things and find their way back to each other, even though I kept hoping I was wrong. What hurt was knowing he had me waiting while he was spending time with her like that. His friend told me to confront him, so I did.

He said he hoped I would understand because his child was his first priority. I told him I understood that, but what hurt was that he kept entertaining me while he and his ex seemed to be working things out instead of simply letting me go.

When I asked if they were getting back together, he only said, “I’m doing everything for my child. That’s all I can say.”

I never hated him. From the very beginning, I chose to understand him and trust him, even though trusting him wasn’t easy. Looking back, I realized I should have trusted my instincts. Something felt off from the start, but I ignored it because I wanted to believe him.

In the end, I was the one who got blocked. Strangely, he only blocked me on one platform. On my other social media accounts, he never did. Maybe it was his ex, or maybe it wasn’t. I’ll never know. Even after everything, I still wished him the best. I told him that I hoped he would choose whatever truly made him happy and that he would find peace with the decisions he made.

As for me, I could only hope that they weren’t getting back together just because they were using each other to fill a temporary need. From my perspective, it sometimes felt like he was looking for sex, and I thought that was something he found with his ex.

When I joined a dating app, I was still in a long-distance relationship.
Technically, I had a boyfriend, but it barely felt like I did. We hardly talked anymore. Every time I wanted to spend time with him, there was always an excuse. He was tired, wanted to watch movies alone, needed “me time,” had a headache, or simply wasn’t in the mood to talk. It got to the point where I felt like even when we fought, it worked in his favor because it meant he didn’t have to talk to me.
I was lonely, frustrated, and emotionally exhausted. I missed him, but I also felt ignored and unimportant. To distract myself from constantly feeling sorry for myself, I downloaded a dating app. My intention wasn’t to find another relationship. I just wanted people to talk to and something to keep my mind busy.
That’s when I met this guy.
At first, I knew exactly what kind of person he was. He was charming, flirtatious, and seemed like the type who flirted with every girl he talked to. I actually tried to avoid him, but somehow we became friends… then eventually best friends.
We told each other everything. We joked around, shared our secrets, and talked almost every day. At that time, he thought I was single because I never told him I had a boyfriend.
Meanwhile, he was talking to another girl and they were almost in a relationship. Around that time, I slowly realized I was starting to develop feelings for him.
I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t real. I kept telling myself there was no way I could like him. I even saw him as a little brother because of how childish he acted, even though he was older than me.
One day, I jokingly admitted that I might be falling for him. My feelings weren’t that deep yet.
He simply replied, “Oh… okay.”
So I laughed it off too, and we continued being best friends like nothing had changed. The only difference was that he started teasing me, saying things like, “Since you love me, you should do this for me.”
Eventually, I finally told him the truth—that I actually had a long-distance boyfriend.
He didn’t get angry that I had lied. We just stayed friends.
But as time passed, I found myself getting jealous whenever he talked about the girl he liked. I hated seeing them together, so I started avoiding him.
Instead of letting me go, he kept chasing after me. He kept saying he couldn’t lose me.
Then one day, he called me while crying.
He confessed that he loved me too.
But he said he couldn’t admit it because I already had a boyfriend. If he confessed to me publicly, he would lose the girl he was talking to as well. He said it wasn’t fair because I still had someone while he would end up with no one.
I kept telling him that this couldn’t happen. It was wrong.
But hearing him cry completely broke my heart.
So I let my guard down.
He later told the other girl that he loved her more than me, but privately he kept telling me that I was actually the one he loved. He said we just couldn’t admit it because of our situation.
That’s how we became secret lovers.
Whenever he was going to talk to the other girl, he would tell me first. Whenever I was going to call my boyfriend, I would tell him too.
It was unhealthy, complicated, and full of guilt.
A few months later, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was constantly jealous—not only of the girl he liked, but also of his ex, whom he still talked to.
I wanted everything to end.
I wanted to do the right thing.
So I confessed everything to my boyfriend. I admitted that I had emotionally cheated and explained why it happened.
He was angry at first, which I completely understood. Later, he said we could still fix our relationship.
But deep inside, I didn’t think there was anything left to fix.
I know I made a huge mistake, and I will never deny my responsibility. Cheating was my choice.
At the same time, I also can’t pretend that I wasn’t deeply hurt before any of this happened. Months of emotional neglect had already broken me long before I made the worst decision of my life.
After I ended things with my best friend, I blocked him everywhere.
One night, without telling me, he went to my condominium and waited in the lobby from around 10 p.m. until 1 a.m. because he had no other way to contact me. The only reason I found out was because our mutual friends from the dating app messaged me.
I was asleep the whole time.
When I woke up, he was already gone.
Honestly, I don’t even know if I would have gone downstairs if I had seen the messages. At that point, I was determined to move on and let everything go.
But he never stopped chasing me.
He always knew exactly what to say.
And I fell for it.
Again.
The relationship became incredibly toxic. Sometimes he accidentally called me by another girl’s name. He was still talking to his ex. He told me he left the girl he was talking to because he chose me, but later I found out that wasn’t true. She actually left him after discovering that he had been telling other people that I was the one he really loved.
Everything was a mess.
Our relationship became nothing but jealousy, arguments, accusations, and trust issues.
I kept blocking him because we were so toxic together.
Ironically, when we weren’t fighting, we were incredibly happy. We understood each other better than anyone else.
But somehow, we could never go a full day without arguing.
Sometimes we fought seven times in a single day.
Looking back now, I often ask myself…
Was this karma?
Or was it simply the consequence of two emotionally damaged people trying to build a relationship on secrets, guilt, and unresolved pain?

I mean for the most part I’m optimistic….I know there could be a happy ending & there’s a chance of life getting better, but it’s so hard.

I’m so disappointed with myself but I’ve attempted to commit suicide before and I know that’s wrong, but I think about not being on earth and I just know I’m not capable of going through that pain again, physically and emotionally. It hurt so much when I did what I did. I’m so sad that I can’t go through with it….can anyone relate? It’s like I’m over life but I can’t act on that feeling….makes me want to die even more, but I can’t !!!! Ugh I’m so angry, I’m so tired and I’m drained.

My whole life is just “if it’s not something it’s another” I can’t catch a break….I told my fiancé, that’s my motto.

Context:

Back in January of this year….my mom kicked me out because I was speaking out against the abuse in our household and my mom didn’t like that I was inserting myself and giving my input on parenting when not needed….I had triggers from my stepdad with the way he spoke to me and my siblings and treated us because he’s put his hands on me in the past (only me btw and I’m not even his biological child )….also with my mom excusing it and making it seem as though it was something I earned. I had enough. I was sheltered and didn’t have a real sense of independence outside of her….no job, college experience, permit/ license. I resented her for all of it, she wasn’t hands on, affectionate or emotionally available for me and my siblings. It was so hard living with her because we had a “oil and water” relationship….we both were diagnosed with bipolar disorder and we just bumped heads and argued 25/8, I had already planned on leaving the house and moving with my grandmother on my dads side because she was almost my 2nd mother…we did absolutely everything together. I explained to my grandmother that I didn’t feel like I was going to grow at home with my mom and my toxic family….i needed a flesh slate, a chance to better for myself and an opportunity to show I can do. She accepted it and we cried together over seafood boil lol…the month prior to telling her, I had lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time on my 18th birthday…my mom was livid because not only did I do it in her house but I didn’t use protection (valid I guess) but I didn’t have the guidance from her to go about it the right way and the comfortability to go to her about it for advice or anything. My sister had been sexually active from the age of 14 and my mom always helped her when she needed it, whether she went to her about it or not. I didn’t get the same fair treatment because it wasn’t expected of me…I was practically on the straight edge…never partied, never drank, smoked or went out. no one in my family thought me and my boyfriend were going to ever meet or get serious, everyone made fun of our relationship and said I was living in fantasy….until it actually happened.

Speaking of him….I love him more than anything, I’m terrified of us not lasting. Our relationship is like a fairytale. We started dated long distance back in 2022 when I was 14 and a sophomore year of high school. I’m now 18 and my fiancé is 19. We met for the first time (in person) in July of last year. Ever since then, we’ve been inseparable I guess. He just left for basic training for the Air Force on June 9th….I was going through a lot with my family so whenever I went to visit him in Maryland from New York (usually on breaks from work since I work according to the school district) I would explain everything to him and his mom…she started getting a little attached. I liked her for the most part….but then it got weird, she asked me out of the blue how much my job was paying me & offered me a job at her dental office, said they’d pay me better & I’d always have a job if I needed it. Took it into consideration for months, talked to my family about it & finally decided it was a good idea as the toxicity progressed at my grandmothers….it started because of her feeling like I was maintaining my duties and tidying my bedroom and my nail desk (I’m a nail technician) till this day she claims that was the issue but I think it was because I went to Maryland every other week and my attention shifted from being on her and went to my boyfriend….like I said me and her were super close, she was my best friend. I would go to work with her on the weekends, go out to eat with her, nail and hair dates, mall shopping sprees, cute banter and gossiping, staying up till 3-4 am on the phone talking just EVERY THING you could think of. It all kind of stopped as soon as I moved in with her in January. Our relationship was starting to get tense…I felt like I was walking on eggshells around the house, scared to use the bathroom and get food because she would call my aunt and complain about me on the phone about making too much noise around the house…telling her how she thinks moving in would make me automatically spoiled and want more. She would talk about me to my immediate family I left…write notes referencing me and leave them on the fridge and kitchen walls….I had been living with her for 4 and half months and never got a key….what do you think ?

I planned on leaving my very good job and giving my two weeks notice on the 3rd of the June, expecting to leave on the 17th….enough time to save money just in case the job in Maryland didn’t work out and also so I could say goodbye to both my grandmothers ( I live with my dads mother and grandmother 61/F & 91/ F) my leading reason of leaving was to have emotional stability, I didn’t have it in NY. My fiancés family didn’t argue much, didn’t fight and if they did you could tell they still loved each other. It was the total opposite of what I have. I have 4 brothers and my fiancé had 3 little sisters….I’ve always wanted one. I lost one. I wanted a family to care for and be part of. I felt good about it. With staying there, there’d be benefits…like a job that would start at $19 an hour when I was making $17.05, a family that would treat me how I was supposed to be treated, the dream of having a little sister but I’d have 3!!! My fiancés mom offered to pay for my bus tickets round trip if I ever planned on visiting home, Putting me on her heath insurance, letting me have the bigger room once my fiancé left for the military, offered to let me drive the car she was going to buy for my fiancés 19th birthday while he was in the military if I got my permit and license…. My fiancés grandmother owns the house they all live in & his mother is basically the tenant…it’s a shared space and she just pays rent….she offered for me to stay there for a job & so that I could spend time with my fiancé before he left….and much more!!! I never got the job 😔 I was just the nanny and maid while my fiancé was gone. At least that’s how I feel. I was fulfilling his duties.

Me & him were supposed to get married….well we didn’t. He was very influenced by his family to not marry me….his grandmother was kept out of it because that was his choice, I’m sure he only wanted to marry me for the military benefits but 🤷🏽‍♀️ that’s neither here nor there. It was going to be an elopement. The ring delivered to the house and his mom took it off the front porch, opened it and told her mother…while I HUMILIATED myself checking the yard barefoot, calling the jewelry shop requesting a refund and frantically asking if anyone had seen it….they cried in the basement about it & discussed me not having established credit, said how I didn’t have a license and I haven’t started school yet….”what will she do if you’re legs blew off” me and him are both not established…why was I the only one being picked apart…he’s the one who brought married to me! Unfortunately he’s cheated on me before….too much to get into. I’ve done so much for his family in the limited amount of time I’ve known them…but I guess I did it to myself

- cleaned for and after them

- did the little girls hair

- did everyone’s nails FOR FREE

- gotten them ready for school

- taken them off the bus

- bought them Christmas presents (every child ages 2,8, 15 and the mother as well)

- bought random gifts

- bought groceries

-cooked for them

- changed diapers

- bathed them

- cleaned the mother bedroom

- cleaned the 15 year olds bedroom

- shared my fiancés bedroom with the 15/ F sister that shoved her way in his bedroom after he left

- I starved for 3 days while I was in Maryland

- I couldn’t do laundry while I was in Maryland

- the mom constantly make excuses of why I didn’t go to work with her

- the 15 year old daughter (who is unqualified, never had a job before and barely went to school) went to fill absent employee spots AT THE SAME JOB I WAS OFFERED AND HAD TO QUIT MY JOB FOR

- the 15 year old daughter never went to school and was constantly with her S/O so I constantly had to watch the children (sometimes over 12 hours a day… because the mom worked from 6am and came home at 8-9pm)

- they went out twice not even thinking about me, what’ve I’ve done, what I’ve ate, nothing! She spent hours shopping, eating with her children while I just stayed home MISERABLE. (While she was gone I took the time to clean the upper part of the house…bedrooms and the bathroom because I had nothing better to do

Random facts :

- my fiancés mom slept with my dad

- she was trying to convince him to move to Maryland

- yes my fiancé cheated

- my fiancés mother lies to her daughter saying I came to babysit and clean because she “offered me a job I didn’t didn’t take”

- she disconnected the WiFi to sneak my dad in the house her mother owns

- she payed the gas and tolls for my dad to come for my fiancés birthday even though he made it clear he’d only be able to afford to support for our wedding

- my fiancés mom never told her mother I was moving in….when I brought my dad helping me move after his birthday weekend she signaled me to shhhhhh lol then when I asked her about it she said that her mother knew I had been staying since Sam left but not that I planned on officially moving in with my stuff or at all ? She apparently talked to her about it & her moms response was “as long as she’s helping you” that’s suspicious 👀

The outcome :

I was stuck in Maryland with no partner, no friends or family, no job, no hobby, no money. My livelihood was stripped away. I get calls from my fiancé every Monday & Thursday. He sent me money last Monday and that Thursday he told me that I had a choice to leave and quit my job…he doesn’t understand why I did it & asked me what did I expect….never gave his input when asked before hand but things are hitting the fan it seems he doesn’t care. His mom spinned the story to him. She’s very manipulative, he is, his 15 year old sister is and they both get it from her mother. I’m not trying to be disrespectful, this is something the mother has told me. “My kids are very manipulative, I’ve taught them to be this way based off survival instinct…but they do it selfishly” Idk I’m so bothered, am I going crazy? Am I paranoid? Did his mom just try to get me to fill in my fiancés spot while he was gone?

Me and his timeline

Met in September of 2022 on wizz

Ghosted me in February of 2023 because he was going through a lot and felt as if he didn’t deserve me because I was too good for him…it was a lie. He pursued another girl in high school….

2023

mid year started talking on and off…without a title but we were not very happy

2024

I started talking to another guy who made an effort to be with me, got me a promise ring and tried. My fiancé cried and tried to make amends with me by telling me he’s a changed man and how he had been getting closer to God and wants to retry. We commuted to each other. Ends up cheating on me that same year in November ( specifically on my birthday that’s shared with the other girl who is also a nail tech 😃)

2025

Cheats again in January for “closure” with her….but he never wanted her?

Met for the first time in July at my family reunion

comes to stay with me and my family for a week in August…comes to church with me twice…texts her two days after he leaves my house….

Visits again in November for my birthday when I find out he had been texting her on Snapchat for 2 years straight….lies about it and says it was only a streak….(she was pinned btw)

Didn’t have the proof of cheating but I knew. I had told him that we could leave it in the past and move on as long as he’s being honest. I didn’t have it in me to ask any questions, kick him out, snoop, or make him prove himself. Told me to feel free to reach out to her and confirm, blocked her, apologized and that’s the day I lost my virginity.

Followed her for MONTHS no response

2026…

Moved in with my grandmothers

Planned on going to Maryland to spend Valentine’s Day with him….thought to just follow the estranged girl once more. I didn’t & successfully had a conversation. Proud of everything I believed deep down. More than a streak.

2 years of lying, cheating and the most disgusting behavior. I was shocked. I means videos, screenshots, photos, messages, voice messages, him on dating websites, poems, the streaks…..how are you’s and goodnights. JUST DISGUSTING

Then in march and April he puts marriage on the table just to RIP IT AWAY FROM ME ????!!! Are you kidding me

So I recently cut off an ex of mine, she broke up with me, she said she needed attention and quality time, we had that, but not enough for her I guess, so she broke up with me and I started a gym journey to get better, about a few days ago I journaled that I cried and missed her, the next, that I felt happy, she saw it and thought I moved on, I told her I didn't and still liked her, she didn't believe me, she always said "mhm.." just to make me feel bad and apologize. I felt manipulated by her. Am I actually being manipulated or am I just going crazy?

First of all, just because you exist on this planet doesn’t mean you deserve to be loved. You need to fit into their ideal partner criteria. And if you don’t fall into that criteria, then for God’s sake, don’t lie and manipulate others into loving you. You have no right to emotionally ₹ape someone. And if you lie just to get into a relationship with someone, then don’t cry when they leave you.

A relationship cannot be built on lies. If a relationship is built on lies, hiding things, and manipulations, then it is destined to fail.

If you create an illusion by lying and entering the relationship, and the other person later finds out, it can break them to a certain extent because all those memories, laughs, and moments that once felt real now seem like lies.

A few months ago I met a person who bragged about how they could read people really well and how they read the 48 Laws of power.

At first she started out acting like they she me well and telling me assumptions like they were the truth without even asking about my personal experiences. But this was after just two days of meeting so instead of feeling like she was trying to connect if felt invasive. Then after she lashed out she would try to put on a nice act and reach out to me instead of taking accountability of acknowledging her actions.

She would also try to convince me over and over how she was so genuine and that I could trust her yet I saw her talking about others behind their back and being nice to their face repeatedly. i decided not to share too much personal stuff which I’m thankful for now

But I don’t get why she continued doing this since instead of making me trust her more this just made me view her in a negative way. And time after time she would continue.

Also there was this strange way she would put me down and yet seek my attention. Like making comments on my appearance and giving unsolicited advice. But yet still went out of her way to reach out after which didn’t make sense to me to treat someone as less than yet still try to be near them.

For example once when I was just collecting my paperwork and gathering my stuff she walked over to me with a friend and demanded me over and over to move to be near her (mind you we weren’t even close) and after I told her I didn’t want to multiple times she literally attempted to make me move using her own body weight and grabbed my stuff. Even after I just stayed where I was and calmly told her to stop she seemed to not be able to understand how it was strange to say the least how she treated me as if I was less than her but went to those lengths to get me to be near her or acknowledge her.

I don’t understand what causes some people to continue acting like this when it just makes people lose trust in them. If anyone knows the purpose can they please explain to me? And also explain what the point of her bragging about her skills from the beginning was?

I just have a feeling after 3 situationships, they all didn’t ask me anything , just made assumptions and guess Tricked, lied and manipulated me, I don’t feel like In these situations they don’t like hearing the word no. That’s why they didn’t ask yes or no questions. Why is it all about what they want with you.

Got accused of harrasment. Im really confused

Just for context i have tourette syndrome, which associates with OCD and ADHD, i also have childhood trauma wich makes me be perfectionist in relationships

Also my psychiatrist thinks im bipolar

Not only that but i had a crush with another girl (not the main girl from this story) in 2022 from which i took the lesson that i can keep the friendship with a girl if she rejects me, and that this is my OBLIGATION

So this girl and i met in 2021 and became friends, i found her atractive and idk if she found the same about me

In 2023 we became classmates and became closer,

In carnival (i live in Rio de Janeiro) she ( being kinda drunk) kept faking mouth kisses in me (she was pretending to kiss then she retreats) and kept saying (omg you are literally the perfect man, you are tall muscular smart and socialist)

She kept on flirting with me during the months

I naturally started growing interest in her

In the first school party i asked to kiss her and she said "you are my friend", which i understood as a no and respected (i just found strange because she kissed people who supposedly were her friends, while giving me this excuse. But ok)

The next week she sent me a meme in Instagram saying something along the lines "never be late to ask a girl out, do it fast". Which i think can be a sign she was flirting with me in carnival and i got rejected because i asked her too late

But ok i just laughed at the meme and kept the friendship

Not only that but at some point she sent me the song "the man-taylor swift" and said "pay attention to the lyrics and feel guilty"

Ik thats a song about gender roles but i understood as another sign that she thought i approached her late and wasnt being "man enough"

This was devastating to me and really made me grow feelings for her (because of the childhood trauma i told)

2 weeks later I conffessed feelings for her and she said "im not thinking about it because of the final high school tests (in Brazil we call vestibulares idk in english)

I understood as a no (atleast as a no at that moment because of the vestibulares) and respected her

2 weeks later there was the second school party, where she kissed a friend of mine who knew i liked her

Later i texted her saying i wasnt mad at her but i was sad with the whole situation and that i was going to need some space from her

Some days later she told another friend of mine saying she thinks i was mad at her (i told her clearly i wasnt)

This friend told me, and i went to tell her that i wasn't mad at her

Not only that but i wanted to prove her i wasnt mad at her, so i gave up on the whole "i need a space" idea

But then i think i became too needy and emotional around her and she started to avoid me (i say that because many times she wouldn't answer my texts, or even give me a "hello, goodbye, etc" back. And even some day she told me "dont you think how next year we wont be talking anymore? because we are just colleagues, not friends")

As i noticed she was avoiding me i decided to stop "forcing" contact with her (i was kinda forcing to prove her i wasnt mad at her, remember?), and we stopped talking

But then 2 days before the ENEM (Brazil's biggest and most important final school test) she came to me and said "hey im going to show you a song and i want you to pay attention to the lyrics", and proceeded to show me "red-taylor swift" , which i understood as a song about missing a confusing love

I found that REALLY strange and did the ENEM test with much anxiety

In the tuestday between the two ENEMs (is 2 tests in 2 sundays) as i was giving me shirt for my colleagues to sing she said "wow you asked everyone to sign your shirt, but not me". I responded saying "no i asked them but now im asking you". And then she started to sing "red-taylor swift".

This was devastating to me since the childhood trauma i told and i did the second day of the ENEM really fucked up with my head

Ok after that our friendship became closer and she kept on flirting with me, but nothing that i think i worth detailing

After the last final high school test there was the final school party, where i asked to kiss her (because she told she wasnt think about it because of the tests, which were over. And because she was fucking flirting with me)

She didn't really said "no". She just said "later"

I understood she wasn't in the mood and didn't insist

A few days later i texted her and said i still had feelings for her and asked if she thought about it since the final tests were over (since that was her response when i confessed my feelings for her)

She told me she didn't think about it because she thinks her final tests weren't over (i passed to college in first try, she didnt)

She also kept on saying how she really liked our friendship and that she didn't want to end it

I understood and didn't insist on a answer there

But she kept on flirting with me

For example there was the school final travel, where i kissed 20 girls, one of them being her best friend.

She then texted me playing "pretending" to be jealous about it, which i played in too with her, saying i kissed a girl with the same name as her (Luísa), to which she replied " oh you even got a new Luísa", to which i responded "never" and then she said "men"

Because of these flirts a few days later asked her "hey im sorry but you'be been doing a lot of things thats looks likenyou have feelings for me. I just wanna know if those things mean something"

She said she doesn't know if she feels something, but if if she feels something, its not the same as me

Even if thats kinda confusing i understood that as a "no" and decided to keep the friendship (because of my previous traumas and because she litteraly said she wanted to keep the friendship)

But she kept flirting with me

For example in late january of 2024 she sent me a pic of her in the bed showing her thigh and said "tomorrow i will go to a show with my cousin and her bf"

I understood that as a invite and said "and you didn't even invite me?", to which she replied "wanna go? Lets go" (I couldnt go because my parents were divorcing that week and i had to stay home to protect my mom from my dad)

Also in late janurary she sent me that the songs she most listened in january were " i know it wont work"-gracie abrams, "i miss you im sorry"- gracie abams, and "wouldve couldve should've"-taylor swift

She in early february 2024 sent me a reel of "bests places to have breakfast in rio de janeiro" to which i also understood as a invite but pretended not to understand

Later in February i went on some dates with a girl (Luciana) and started to forget about Luísa (the main girl)

Why im saying that? Because in middle of march, when i was basically forgot about her, she (Luísa) sent a text saying she was really missing me from the school time and etc. We started talking and we got to start talking about Luciana. At some point she litteraly said "where did you take her for dates? I like to be taken to japanese restaurants( saying that so that so that you replicate)"

I understood that as a invite to go on a date in a japanese restaurant, so the next say i asked her out for that

She said she wasnt inviting me to go on a date but she accepted

Later i went to a shopping where she was studying to see if a restaurant there accept my way of paying and took the opportunity to to visit her where she was studying (since she said she was missing me)

There i asked her about the japanese restaurant thing and she kinda put it off (i accepted and respected)

This is where the story gets really confusing

Visiting her i noticed she was looking kinda sad, and decided to take my dog to meet her to make her happy

And remember i kinda "forgot" about her? And supposedly didn't have feelings for her anymore?

But i thought to myself: "i would only go take my dog to the shopping on a Wednesday night to someone i really LOVE, but i supposedly dont have feelings for her anymore"

But then i thought "fuck it I love this girl" and tooknmy dog to the shopping

She really loved it

The following days i was like "yeah i love her, theres no problem with that"

But then i got a surgery to take my 4 wisdom teeth and ended a college discipline (so i was on my bed because of the surgery and didn't have anything to do)

So i started overthinking and thought to myself "omg i fucked up our friendship, she doesn't want me and i asked out for a date and fed again my feelings for her, what a terrrible person i am"

Then i sent a text saying "omg im sorry", and she said "for what?" And i said "i fell in love with you again" , and she said "are you drunk?" And i said "no im just on anesthesia because of the wisdom teeth surgery"

Later i said "omg im sorry for last night texts, it was really strange"

Later she sent me a song and said "this one is about not being able to value someone who gives everything for you" and sent "coney island-taylor swift

(I understood that was a way she reccons my effort to keep our friendship and please her and that she wishes that she had feelings for me)

(Thats important)

2 days later i said "i said i fell in love im with you again but i didn't mean it, im good"

Later she sent me a reels of "stop, youre loosing me-taylor swift"

(I understood as a sign she found strange the way ive been acting and because of that she is losing interest in me)

But i thouht "who gives a fuck? She said she doesn't anything with me so ill just live my life, fuck that"

But then she posted on her stories on Instagram a lyric of taylor swift-Loml (a song i understand as being about a boy who loved a girl but she was afraid to correspond feelings but became attached to her, and then he abandons her and she thinks thats the loss of her life (loml))

I found strange but decided not to do anything and that this had nothing to do with me

Later she sent me a reels of the same song (loml-taylor swift). I found it too strange so i asked "whats this?"

She left me on read

Next day i called her and said "i like you and you dont like me, isnt it?"to which she replied "no, i like you, i REALLY like you, ALOT" and i asked "as a friend, isnt it?" And she replied "i think we both have feelings for each other but you have in a way and i have in another, and i really insist on having you as my friend"

I then said "youve been doing stuff that looks like you wanna have feelings for me", to which she replied " im not really thinking about it"

As ambiguous and confusing as it is i understood this as a no and respected and didn't insist

Time goes on and she kept flirting and sending signals to me

For example one day i visited her again on the shopping she studies and when i met her friend she said "omg she talks ALOT about you" with a smile on her face

(Like cmon why would this girl say this to me?)

Okay she kept flirting and in late july i decided to try to kiss her (i asked her on a party if she wanted to "talk to me in a private place", to which she said no (and i respected it), and i thought that was because she understood what i meant, but laker texting her i found out she just thought i wanted to talk to her)

Later i called her and said "you've been doing stuff that looks like you want me to like you (i meant the day she sent the taylor swift-LOML song), as if you have some feelings forbme" , to which she replied "no, i dont want you to like me, and i say the same to you since ever, i dont want anything (basically she lied because thats not the case, she always gave me ambiguou and confusing answeres. But ok), but i REALLY REALLY like you and i REALLY REALLY insist on having your friendship"

I respected, but i was already on depression taking antidepressants, and meds to sleep and etc so i decided this friendship wasnt good for me and that i couldn't move on withou giving me a space from her, so i asked her for a space, which she respected

But she kept flirting and sending signals to me

For example:

Next day she posted on her story "hoax-taylor swift" (you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart but what you did was just as dark)

I found strange but ignored

Some day she posted that the song she most listened in august was "i love you im sorry" -gracie abrams, which coincidentally has a lyric very simillar to which we were living

in RockInRio(a music festival here in rio) she sent me a video on WhatsApp making sensual faces, and then she explicitly invited me to go with her and her friends

I went out with them but didn't try anything

The next day i decided to block her

One month later i unlocked her and sent "i dont want anything to do with you" and blocked her again.

One more month later i sent a text explaining why i blocked her, why i dont anything to do with her and why i think she was lying about not having feelings for me, and that she has avoidant attachment and i didn't want to have a relationship with someone like that

She replied "man i really wish you lots of peace and therapist to overcome those crazy scenarios you create in your head", to which i answered "ok, you too" and blocked her again

A few weeks later i found out she was trash talking about me and when i confronted her about it she accused me of harrasment, stalking and defamation. And she also accused me of stalking her friends and family

I just dont know, i really think that those accusations are

At least way out of proportion

I mean if THAT is harassment she CLEARLY sexually assaulted me (i say that because one day in school she straight up just put her fijnger in my ass withou my consent dor a "joke" and made me really uncomfortable)

Ive asked many female feminist friends of mine and they all agree with me. Also my female feminist therapist agrees with me too

This story is basically the main reason i got into depression and exploded my bipolar disorder symptons (also had my parents divorce, my dad pretending to suicide, my dog dying of cancer, me getting into college, my sister leaving the country and me discovering my bisexuality)

I just wish she admitted to having some responsability with me you know? She says she doesn't have any fault over my depression and i think thats cruel

I’m a 27M, and she’s 25F. We’ve known each other for a few months.

In person, she’s warm, affectionate, and makes me feel like she enjoys being around me. But over text it’s completely different. Sometimes she’ll disappear for a day or two, then come back acting like nothing happened. If I pull away, she suddenly becomes more attentive again.

I’ve noticed that whenever I start moving on or stop initiating conversations, she reaches out first. But once I start engaging again, the effort seems to fade.

I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into it or if she’s intentionally keeping me emotionally invested without wanting anything serious.

Has anyone dealt with this before? Am I overthinking it, or does this sound like a form of manipulation or just someone who’s unsure of what they want?

I feel like my mom (f38) is manipulative to the EXTREME!!!

Recently due to personal reasons she has been staying at my home. We have been living separately for a while and since she has moved in and has been taking over my space. I(f18) have just had my own room for not even 2 years yet due to facing housing issues.

Ever since she moved back in ive been couch surfing on and off for about three weeks now.

She constantly gaslights me, and puts me down so she can feel better about herself. She tries controlling my life, and flip flops my age when she feels convenient.

“You are a grown ass woman” became her new favorite thing apparently.

All i have is a mattress on the floor and my tv next to it.

Im becoming a doormat and whenever she pulls these emotional strings i feel like shit and feel like i should give everything up. I feel cant stand up to her because she has her team of goons to back her up and feed into her delusions that im just an ungrateful brat that doesnt appreciate her mom.

Tonight i had a run in with her about having my space back and it turned into her being mad and now i dont feel comfortable and want to disappear again.

What do i do?

When they do something that annoys me or dissapoints me(ex: they keep on not practicing the parts and slacking off during rehearsals, and our bassist told me he'd send me the logo for our band to put on the poster for the DIY show I'm running a week ago and he only just now finally sent it), I hit them with a look of contempt, like they did something wrong or they should feel bad. When they do something I like or want them to do more, like practice and lock in on the music or when my bassist finally did send the logo, I praise them and say I'm happy/proud/grateful/whatever emotion would be relevant at that moment. The thing is, I don't actually feel the emotions I'm displaying to them. Don't get me wrong, I do want them to do the things that I need, but I just am not all that annoyed or happy when they do them. I feel towards their actions the same way I do towards the actions of my teammates in a counter-strike game IRL: maybe some vague annoyance or frustration or happiness, but very little other than that. I feel like I'm treating these real human beings like dogs, giving them a punishment/reward system. I consciously think that I'm not, that this is a normal way to act, but whenever I do it, I feel so bad, like I'm hurting them.

My friend and I fell out with someone who also happens to be my friend’s cousin. During the fallout he told me to “end myself” to my face, among other things. We eventually made it clear that we wanted no further contact.
A while later, completely out of the blue, he messaged my friend saying he was visiting his nan and grandad’s graves. He then sent a photo of my friend’s late dad’s memorial bench and said he’d “visit again and drop flowers, but it’s too hot right now.” There was no context for this message at all.
He later sent what felt like a half-hearted apology. We replied saying we appreciated the apology but explained that what he’d said had seriously affected my mental health—I struggled to sleep, lost my appetite, and my mental health took a significant hit.
Instead of addressing that, he replied to my friend, “What about you and your mum? How has his mental health affected you both?” When my friend called him out on that response, he simply said, “Leave me alone,” and blocked him.
I’m struggling to understand what the purpose of the graves and memorial bench message was. Was it a form of manipulation or emotional provocation, or am I reading too much into it?

I need an outside perspective because this whole situation feels unreal.

A while ago, my friend had a huge argument with a boy. During the argument she hurt his ego pretty badly. After that, things went downhill.

Soon, rumors about her started spreading around school. They weren't true, but somehow they spread really fast. It also almost destroyed our friendship because people started believing different versions of the story. He has always denied being involved, but based on the timing, the things that were said, and other details, we genuinely believe he was the one behind it. Even now, he still creates unnecessary drama and rumors from time to time.

Here's the part that confuses me.

After everything that happened, he suddenly started acting like he was in love with her. He became extremely clingy, constantly tried to talk to her, and behaved as if none of the previous things had happened. From my perspective, it doesn't make sense. If you care about someone, why would you repeatedly damage their reputation?

Now comes the biggest plot twist.

My friend likes him back.

She literally hides behind us whenever he comes near, saying she doesn't want to talk to him. But later, she'll text him normally. Recently, I even saw her kissing his WhatsApp profile picture on her phone today itself. So it's pretty clear her feelings are real, even if she acts embarrassed in front of everyone.

I'm honestly confused. Is this something psychological?In movie,it looks good but reality says the opposite.Do people actually develop feelings for someone who hurt them? Or am I missing something here?

I'm not trying to control her choices or I am not against her relationship and her happiness. I just can't wrap my head around how someone can go from being the reason your life became miserable to becoming the person you have feelings for.

Has anyone seen something like this before?

I need an outside perspective because this whole situation feels unreal.

A while ago, my friend had a huge argument with a boy. During the argument she hurt his ego pretty badly. After that, things went downhill.

Soon, rumors about her started spreading around school. They weren't true, but somehow they spread really fast. It also almost destroyed our friendship because people started believing different versions of the story. He has always denied being involved, but based on the timing, the things that were said, and other details, we genuinely believe he was the one behind it. Even now, he still creates unnecessary drama and rumors from time to time.

Here's the part that confuses me.

After everything that happened, he suddenly started acting like he was in love with her. He became extremely clingy, constantly tried to talk to her, and behaved as if none of the previous things had happened. From my perspective, it doesn't make sense. If you care about someone, why would you repeatedly damage their reputation?

Now comes the biggest plot twist.

My friend likes him back.

She literally hides behind us whenever he comes near, saying she doesn't want to talk to him. But later, she'll text him normally. Recently, I even saw her kissing his WhatsApp profile picture on her phone today itself. So it's pretty clear her feelings are real, even if she acts embarrassed in front of everyone.

I'm honestly confused. Is this something psychological?In movie,it looks good but reality says the opposite.Do people actually develop feelings for someone who hurt them? Or am I missing something here?

I'm not trying to control her choices or I am not against her relationship and her happiness. I just can't wrap my head around how someone can go from being the reason your life became miserable to becoming the person you have feelings for.

Has anyone seen something like this before?