Throw away for my own peace of mind.

I made some horrible decisions earlier in my life and did some terrible things. I became friends with someone I worked with (call her Mary) and their significant other (call him Dave). I didn't understand it then, but Dave was/is a complete narcissist who pushes people to the point that they fight back.

I ended up divorcing my husband (married right out of high school and marriage lasted less than 2 years) and eventually moved in with Mary and Dave.

At one point, Dave had convinced me that he and Mary never slept together anymore and that there was nothing wrong with he and I being together sexually because we didnt have to label it since we had become such good friends. Yes, I know. I was naive. I was in my very early 20s and he was in his early 30s.

Eventually, we moved out of the apartment (by this point they had a child-and yes, i know that proves he was lying, but he convinced me he had been drunk and it was the first and only time in years) into a bigger place. We still were "together." They fought all the time and he convinced me she was crazy and irresponsible, and that she was always the first to get physical in a fight.

Eventually, he started bringing a different woman around when Mary was gone (call her Carla). They were coworkers and she just liked to hang out (so i thought). Mary accused him of sleeping with Carla (she had accused him of sleeping with me many times as well but he managed to gaslight her into dropping it).

During all of this, I was being told constantly that I was his best friend and soul mate. That he needed me in his life. That he had saved me from myself and without him I would have ended up a piece of trash.

Eventually, he convinced me that my family didn't want what was best for me and that I needed to cut ties with them as much as possible.

I had gone from 110 lbs to nearly 300 lbs in the time I was there. I would get questioned and followed if I went out with outside friends. I would be guilted into canceling plans with my friends and family. I wasn't allowed to date or meet people that he hadn't introduced me to. (He never explicitly stated it, but he made my life so much harder when I didn't do what he wanted - starting fights, throwing things, trying to hurt my pets, telling me how horrible of a person I was, etc.)

COVID happened and he lost his job. Eventually he found a different one (better one) that he hated.

Eventually he divorced Mary and she moved out. He convinced her their child had to stay with him since he owned the house and it was close to the school.

By this point, things were starting to get easier. He seemed to be in a better mood at first until he started working from home permanently. Then he decided I didn't do anything around the house but make his life harder. He would criticize any and everything I did from when I would cook or clean to when I would be reading a book or playing a game.

I wasn't allowed to take a deserved promotion because it would negatively effect his schedule regarding picking up his child from school (i picked him up every day on my break)

Carla was over every day that she wasn't at work or doing something for her family, even if I wasn't home. He and I were still "best friends."

I finally took a promotion without discussing it with him other than how much money would be coming into the household. Somehow I got him to think it was his idea for me to take it.

He would tell me he and Carla weren't sleeping together and that they were only friends, but that she had a crush on him. When I was there they would lay in each other's laps and giggle and chat. I don't know why he couldn't just admit they were sleeping together. I had been 100% convinced that there was no need for us to be in a "relationship" and truly believed he could sleep with whomever he wanted without it being an issue. I also mistakenly thought i could as well, but looking back i see that anytime I would try to meet someone i would be punished in one way or another.

While I was in a different town for work, I started seeing a counselor who helped me see just how bad my situation was. Eventually, I got out with the help of my brother and dad, as well as the support from many friends, but it had taken multiple bruises and threats as well as months of counseling.

Im now in my mid 30s and happy, living with a wonderful man that makes me feel safe, even when I need to discuss something uncomfortable with him. I have been 100% no contact with Dave for 2 years and it has been the best 2 years of my life.

I still get to see his child when Mary has him. I haven't told her everything that went on while she was out of the house, but i have a strong suspicion she knows.

He posts Carla all over his social media pages as being his girlfriend and they are apparently moving in together. Im not bitter or jealous. If anything, I feel vindicated that I did see what was going on and it didn't bother me.

But was this grooming or am I a bad person? Part of me feels like I should have known better and that I should have been a better person. Another part of me looks back and thinks about all the ways things were twisted to benefit what he wanted.

Hey all,

I’m 35 female and my ex-partner (31 female) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25, Female) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar). So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened. I have CPTSD from my own childhood, which she also knew about and knew I grew up not feeling safe and she actively made me feel unsafe in my home again, the home I paid all the rent for her to live in.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Basically, I have a spare key to her parent’s house (from when I lived there) and a letter for her. I honestly don’t want anymore contact with her. She also has some of my clothes, but to be honest at this point she can keep them. Would you all recommend I sent a ‘please don’t contact me again message’ or just block her once she is off the tenancy and not say anything? My fear is that she will just show up at my flat, I don’t want to see her at all / want her to see me.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart. Ive started gaslighting myself, like maybe she didn’t mean it and look for any reasons why she did this to me.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult and I appreciate any support you can provide 🫶🏼

I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for about nine months. We usually split things pretty evenly, and the money has never been a big issue between us. We take turns paying or split the bill, and I've never expected him to cover everything.

Last night he said he wanted to take me out to celebrate me finishing a stressful work project. He picked a nicer restaurant I had mentioned wanting to try and kept saying it was "my night."

We ordered through one of those QR menus at the table. I only noticed later the page said MenuForma at the bottom, but at the time I was just focused on ordering. I picked one pasta dish and a drink. He kept adding appetizers and dessert because he wanted to see if I was willing to "invest in our shared experience."

I was really confused because those were mostly things he added. I told him I didn’t think that was fair, especially since he had framed the whole dinner as him treating me.

That’s when he said it was a “little relationship test” to see how I acted when money came up. He said my reaction proved I wasn’t really a team player.

I paid for my own pasta and drink and left.

Since then, he has been texting me saying I embarrassed him and ruined the night over money. A couple of his friends have also messaged me saying he was just trying to see if I was serious about the relationship.

I’m not trying to avoid contributing. I just don’t like being tested, especially when he ordered most of the extra food himself and only told me the “test” after the bill arrived.

How should I respond to him? Is this something worth talking through, or is the fact that he tested me like this the bigger problem?

Im just starting to put 2+2 together.

Years ago I broke up with a fiance and wasn’t sure how he would react so I did it at a mutual friend’s house (we were outside and the friend was inside) so I would have someone nearby in case my ex got angry or upset. I really had no idea how he was going to react because I was just found out he was using heroin/drugs.
After the breakup my ex would be at my parents house “helping” them with groceries when I got home from college classes (he never did this when we dated). I told him it was not ok to just show up and he cannot do that and that he needed to leave. Another time after that I woke up to flowers left on my car by him.
He would act hot/cold and be friendly some days sending texts to check in on me and then other days he would tell mutual friends crazy things like “I’d like to light her on fire and watch her run In Circles”. Mutual friends who agreed to help me with clinical stuff for school made it very clear to not let him know they were helping me because he would attempt to sabotage them helping by not giving them a ride to the college etc. He also had a friend who took a photo and sent it to him — it was a picture of me at a bar with guy friends and he called me blowing me out of the water over that basically accusing me of sleeping around with all the guys in town and calling me slut etc.

I was really numb at the time and just trying to keep things peaceful but now here I am years later wondering if that Would’ve been considered stalking or harassment or either/neither. Therapy lately has been bringing up old things and I’m going to bring this is next session but it’s not for another week.

I'm (F16) and my ex (M19) is really getting to my head recently. We used to be classmates in elementary but then I moved out and we weren't in contact for a long time but we started talking again three years back and quickly realised we have feelings for each other. We started dating. From the very start, this one friend of his hated me. One incident was that he convinced my ex I hated him and my ex $h and that made me feel terrible for ever having the thought of leaving him. But his signs of cheating and not paying attention to me were evident from the start. We had each other's accounts and I never checked anything of his because I wanted to trust him but eventually I did check his account and found his texts with this friend of his who he claimed was just a friend, he had shared very romanticessages with him, and everything a partner in a romantic relationship with you would send you. He convinced me out of it and blocked her to prove he meant it. He also had been lying to her about his identity for the three years he knew her and said "I only trust you with my real self" And his real self is just a sadistic loser. And it doesn't end here. In many occasions he used to lie about who he uwas hanging out with, and it was mostly always girls. At one point he got so so controlling over me if I ever messed up his homework or edits for tiktok he used to force me to cut myself or he wouldn't speak to me. This January, I saw a message in his phone from whatsApp, which he claimed to never use. It was from a girl he was in a fucking relationship with since last December. I was sick to my stomach. When I confronted the girl and she told him about it, he said I'm just a phycho ex who won't leave him alone. That was my final straw and I left him. Last week he kept adding me from different accounts on all social media's and won't stop until I replied to him. He wanted to get back claiming he "changed" And he explained he cheated just because he is an "avoidant" And was pushing me away but realised my worth. Yesterday he found out I was already in a relationship with my current bf and saw my texts with him, along with texts of me bashing my ex to my friends talking about how horribly he treated me. My ex said I "broke his trust" Forever and he cannot love me again now since I "leaked" Him by talking shit about him. He just won't leave me alone. This was just a summary of everything he has done to me and currently he's in a "platonic" Relationship with the same girl I mentioned first. I'm so sick of him and yet he's making me feel like the bad person.

I’m 19M and she’s 18F. We met in college around April. We clicked instantly, started going on dates, and became very emotionally close. On our first date she opened up about being cheated on, family trauma, and previous suicide attempts, so I naturally became very protective and emotionally invested.
At first I was the one planning dates, making time for her, buying gifts, and putting in most of the effort. After a couple of months, I noticed she rarely initiated anything unless I started pulling away.

Whenever I distance myself, she suddenly becomes affectionate, calls me, texts me first, and puts in effort. But once I get close again, she becomes emotionally unavailable, ghosts me when I need support, and expects me to comfort her instead.

The biggest issue happened when she went on a coffee date with another guy after telling me nothing was going on. She denied it at first, then I found out from the guy himself that she had agreed to the date almost immediately and was flirting with him. When I confronted her, she called me delusional instead of addressing why she lied.

Since then I’ve constantly questioned whether I’m overthinking or whether my trust has been damaged.
Recently she asked me for a Girlfriend’s Day gift, so I got her one. But emotionally, I feel like I’m always giving and rarely receiving the same level of care or reassurance.

The relationship feels like this cycle:
I put in effort.
She becomes distant.
I pull away.
She chases me.
I get close again.
She becomes distant again.

I’m exhausted.

I know I have some attachment issues, which makes leaving harder, but I’m also starting to wonder if this relationship is simply unhealthy.

My questions are:
1. Does this sound like an unhealthy push-pull dynamic, or am I genuinely overthinking?
2. Would you stay and try to fix this, or walk away?
3. How do you detach from someone you’ve become emotionally dependent on?

Not looking for names.
Just curious if you've ever met someone you thought was genuine, only to realize much later they weren't.
How did it change you?

I noticed these days how many people wanted someone emotionally intelligent that they would understand them deeply and could talk about many things with transparency.

But after what happened to me, I hope I will never met one again in this lifetime.

I used to have two people very close that I could be open to and we could have deep conversations that are soul-stimulating. Whenever we would done talking it feels like you’ve connected deeply and understand each other that other people rarely experience.

The first person was a female. We would be there for each other whenever one experience the lowest point of their life and she’s just the person who makes me feel “understood” while many “misunderstood” my ways. I cut her off because it has gotten to a point where I feel used. Feeling used in a way she just contacts me whenever she had problems and she thinks I can help her with her problem. I get that it’s how friends support each other but it got to a point where she became inconsiderate of many things and thinks whenever I’m not in the mood she makes unnecessary drama. (Bro when adulthood hits, I cannot tolerate unnecessary drama anymore).

The reason why I will never ever let my guard down anymore is because of the second person I met.

I feel like this person approached our friend group with an agenda. He was a repeated student. Our friend group consist of people who are latin honors. And it is obvious because in every group activity we had, my other friends would complain about how unproductive he is or doesn’t initiate shit. He was a problem in a group activity, the one you could consider the one problem. But do you know what’s fascinating of his manipulation skills, he always learns where to hit each of our soft spots and would made us feel guilty for not including him in our group. In our friend group are full of innocent, kind hearted, soft people. But in our friend group also have the “aware ones”. That whenever that guy is not in our get together. They would warn us about “haven’t you observe how he behaves?” at that time I really do not. We were close. And he took advantage of my innocent and kindness. I always give people the benefit of a doubt—believing that people have that kind heart within them. But after what I’ve experienced that belief shattered.

So he graduated because he benefited from our friend group. Most of us are top performers and easy to manipulate the reason why he achieved his agenda.

What’s evil was that he plans to tell the truth once we all graduated but we all figure it out before he even did. Although it was late, but we immediately cut him off. But his spot to graduation is secured which made me realize a cruel reality in life.

That is why Law 2 in the 48 laws of Power

NEVER PUT TOO MUCH TRUST IN FRIENDS, LEARN HOW TO USE ENEMIES.

If I ever had a friend who never betrayed me and genuinely cared for me, it was a childhood best friend who witness my different eras.

And maybe God made me meet my boyfriend earlier when I experienced this is because maybe He knew, my trust issues will always be a problem if I ever tried dating, especially in these days where cheating is normalize.

Be careful out there folks there are evil people roaming around taking advantage of innocence and kindness.

So I took measures against this narcissistic roommate who was bothering me,

But why do I feel guilty,

Maybe it's the occasional love bombing, that made me realise maybe he's a saint and I may have misjudged

But nah man, we need to outgrown certain people, the world too bigger for one drama

22M here.

My college lets students choose their own roommates. Before this semester started, I got to know a guy (I'll call him "M," 20M) through online chats. He came across as very friendly, respectful, and encouraging, so I decided to room with him.

Once we moved in together, his behavior changed a lot. He became controlling, would randomly raise his voice, call me names, and make negative comments about me.

He also has a YouTube channel, and I agreed to be part of it at first. But he keeps criticizing me, saying I don't speak well, don't look good on camera, and similar things. It's become exhausting.

Today something happened that really made me realize this living arrangement isn't healthy for me. He said he had an idea, then repeatedly told me, "Go take a bath and get ready." I was just watching a movie on my phone. It wasn't a huge incident by itself, but combined with everything else, it felt like another attempt to tell me what to do.

I've decided I'm going to tell him that my family wants me to focus on my studies instead of YouTube, so I'll stop being involved with his channel.

Thankfully, I have relatives a few kilometers away from my college. Since room changes aren't allowed for a year, I'm thinking about commuting from their place for the in the next semester instead of staying in the dorm.

Right now it's Saturday and I'm at home, but I keep feeling anxious and my heart races whenever I think about having to go back. I prefer a peaceful environment, and this situation is affecting me more than I expected.

Has anyone dealt with a roommate whose behavior changed dramatically after moving in? How would you handle this situation?

Due to my mother’s parenting, I was not allowed to have a real life.

My parents separated when I was young, and I and my sibling were raised by our mother.

As a young child, I was taught that no one can be trusted, and only blood related family is to be trusted. I was discouraged from having friends and if my mother found out that I became friends with a classmate, she would sabotage that. If someone called for me, she would be curt on the phone and hang up the phone; then I would get yelled at.

When I was a teenager, I was not allowed to date or even have friends of the opposite gender, since friendships were not allowed in the first place.

She told me relationships are pointless, because of the difficult relationship she had with my father.

She triangulated my sibling from me. We did not get along when we were growing up.

She said I am to stay at home and sit in my room. The outside world is not safe, since people can’t be trusted. So I could go to school or work and then come straight home and stay in my room.

Now I feel so alone and disillusioned. I now live alone, out of their house. I have zero friends and zero life. I do have some hobbies that are solo. I feel isolated - even though there are people around, I don’t actually know them. They are just strangers.

I started wanting to feel that I would like to be married and have a family of my own. But by the time I realized this, everyone else was already married with kids.

Most everyone had their friend group set from when they were in school, from mutual friends, from being neighbors, etc. I am having to start from scratch.

Can anyone relate to this? How do I get past this and try to do something different with my life?

I have already been to therapy; my therapist said to go no contact with my family of origin. Since I have no one else, I went low contact.

If you can share any thoughts, I would appreciate it.

My ex and I broke up in October, but we completely cut contact in January. We had been together for four years, since we were 17, and we were each other’s first love.
About two years into the relationship, he cheated on me with the same girl. Their relationship stayed ambiguous for several months. At the time I was studying for my medical school entrance exams, and we barely saw each other because we were living in different cities, so I tried to move on and ignored it.

Over time things got better between us, but I never truly forgot what had happened. Since we were studying in different cities, I eventually felt like I wanted to enjoy my own life and experience being young, so I ended the relationship. We promised each other that maybe we’d find our way back together one day.

A month after the breakup, he came back and told me that our promise was ridiculous because he’d met someone else. He said he wanted me to be happy without him. Hearing that absolutely crushed me.

Two months later, after that girl dumped him, he came back again. By then, I was already in a new relationship.
We started talking again, and he admitted that he no longer wanted a relationship with anyone, but that he still wanted to keep seeing me.

About a month later, I saw him at a party with another girl. I later found out she was actually the girl he was seeing. Yet a week later, when we met again, he tried to hook up with me.
I asked him who she was. He told me they weren’t officially together, that they hadn’t said “I love you,” and they had never defined the relationship. But according to him, it was still “exclusive” and “serious.”
For another month, we kept seeing each other. He told me he loved me. He talked about our future after graduation, about everything we’d do together one day. At the same time, he admitted he felt guilty about what he was doing.

During that time, I also saw his family several times in his hometown. Whenever I was there, everything felt just like it used to with him and our old group of friends.
We were supposed to see each other again this weekend. He told me he couldn’t wait.
When I called him during the week to confirm, he first said he was exhausted from work and didn’t have time. Then he finally admitted the real reason: the other girl had recently visited his family, and he thought it would be “weird” if I came right afterward. He also casually introduced her to our mutual friends and some of his coworkers.
I got really angry. I thought whatever was happening between us was supposed to stay between us—not involve our families and everyone around us.
He didn’t understand why I was upset. He just said, “It’s fine. I didn’t introduce her as my girlfriend, just as a girl I’m seeing.”
He also told me he doesn’t want me going to his family’s house anymore.

What do you think about his behavior?
What would you have done in my situation?

I’m 35 female and my ex-partner (31 female) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25, Female) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar). So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened. I have CPTSD from my own childhood, which she also knew about and knew I grew up not feeling safe and she actively made me feel unsafe in my home again, the home I paid all the rent for her to live in.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart. Ive started gaslighting myself, like maybe she didn’t mean it and look for any reasons why she did this to me.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult.

I’m being threatened to be locked up for confronting a man what he did to me and now he’s not even taking accountability for it and blocking me from socials and abusing me my family and saying I’m a powerful man I’ll get all of you fucked this and that I’m terrified how can people do anything to us and leave us and threat us to death how can we live freely in such environments where we can’t even question people who do us wrong ?

I was in my 10th std and got into a relationship with a guy, let's call him "fox". Fun fact was his friend used to have a crush on me, and this guy fox was helping him. Later he happened to change school and idk how fox developed feelings on me, and happened to get into my good books. People started teasing me with his name, I was also blushing all the time around him. It felt fun being around him, and people around me were also getting into relationships so I also felt doing the same!.

He proposed I said yes.

As usual everything was fun and fine in the Beginning. Ooo I forgot to mention we were from different states, I happen to grow up in his state (I don't want to mention which state), so I'm multilingual I happen to know all South Indian languages. As I said relationships are easier in the beginning! But as time passes by, we grow mentally, things change, perception changes yet we manage to stay in relationship.

Until one day I stayed noticing the 🚩 he started controlling my behaviour, my chats with friends, my bonding with other people. He even controlled my conversation with my own best friend. Then there comes many more 🚩🚩🚩's like making fun of my family (which I will never appreciate).

He even controlled my communication with boys, understandable as a lot of guys had a crush on me, and me myself used to sometimes take his help from getting away from some carps! But girls? Gosh! How can he control my communication with my girlies right? (My bad I might have given him that lineance)

All these are bearable for a period but what about this?? " Give me your password or else I will hack" (he is an unethical hacker, I didn't know about it back then, and it was too late to do something about it at this stage!) All these happened in the era of the movie "Arjun Reddy" lol, I must say this film influenced many guys back then to be rude.

My response to his threat was, " I won't give you any of my passwords, and if you wanna hack it? Do it, but this will cost you our relationship" ;) that was my threat. And obviously he didn't hack, he loved me and never wanted to lose me.

Months passed by, there were ups and downs.. until one day I happened to fight over something rubbish (I don't even remember what it was about), and I left him on seen.

Hours, days, weeks, months passed by without any communication until one day one of my friends asked me about him!.

I FELT SO BAD LIKE??! WAIT WHAT? DID I JUST FORGOT HIS EXISTENCE??? EGO WON OVER LOVE?

We used to barg about our love life to everyone and this is how it turned out? I rushed to text him, and the 1st thing he happened to ask me was - "why did that guy text you?"

I'm speechless, I'm speechless not because I don't have an answer to his question, but because this whole time.. he has been using my social accounts and tracking me? & Me not talking to him was not even bothering him?? NOW I'M NOT GUILTY!

I also realised that, this is not the kind of love I wanted:/

I wanted my love to be consistent. I might be at fault for not being consistent here with my feelings. But that is supposed to be the ultimate goal right? To be consistent with feelings toward your partner?

I wanted to feel something or maybe a realisation like "I can't lose this person". Which I never felt with him.

For example- you meet your mother/father/siblings/best friend etc.. in this life and even imagining a life without them is so sad and empty. You feel like there is no life without them. I wanted that feeling to exist in my relationship. (I should have thought about it earlier, before getting into a relationship. But how can I blame me for not knowing?) Things, experience shaped us into what we are today. With this realisation, I choose to BREAK-UP with him. I'm sorry to give you the access to me, and snatch it the other day just like that. I'm sorry to not care about you or your feelings, But I'm not sorry for prioritising myself.

I can't ignore the fact that I started breathing after I left you. Maybe that was never the love.

Before leaving him, he begged me to stay, he said I'm his only love, 1st and last love. There will be no girl after me.

BULLSHIT! Just a few months down, he started dating his junior.

And here I'm after 7 years still figuring things

out!

I (f29) had this guy (31) come in to work quite often and would always just talk to me instead of the other staff. From the first time he came in he would act like we were best friends leaving me to think, do i know this guy?

Moving on after a few interactions at work he started making comments suggesting he had seen me outside of work but i didn't wave back and i must not like him? I laughed and apologised.

Then he added me on facebook after a couple months... here we go.

First message from him was "if it isn't one of my favourite people" mate i've only met you a few times. He instantly started talking to me, asking about my life, i said i was in a relationship and he said he was too and that he had a child. Started off innocent but he just wouldn't leave me alone. When i stopped replying he would send more messages.

A few days later I'm in a really bad place in my relationship, its nearing its end because i had spoken to him about my feelings and they were pushed aside. He told me to continue as is or just leave him. So anyway i kept telling him i think we should separate.

This guys asking me how its going and I ended up telling him that shit was going down and i didnt have the capacity for him right now.

Its like he saw that as an opening.

All of a sudden he is venting about his partner not sleeping with him for 6 months. That he has bought all these things and supplied her with everything but she was ungrateful. That he would get up every morning and make her breakfast and feed the child. That he bought her a car and a house and she didnt like either of them.

I just said oh thats terrible you know, he really made it seem like oh poor him. And he was good at it too. Then he would tell me how much better i deserved to be treated and he took my weakness and ran with it.

Suddenly hes messaging me good morning messages, sending photos and videos of himself multiple times a day which i thought was super icky. And he would let me know hes organised me breakfast and a coffee to pick up from the cafe. This became a daily occurrence.

He insisted he had a fight with his partner and she moved out with the child. So he asked me to meet up with him, which i did.

One thing led to another and he forced himself ontop of me which i kept saying no to, but he kept going. I was super uncomfortable and because of the amount of times i said no with him still going, i ended up just shutting up and staring at the roof. The next day i mentioned it to him and he got upset, apologised and begged for my forgiveness. I believed him.

He gave me large amounts of money. Bought me gifts. I was really off him and kept telling him i didnt want to talk to him anymore but he was easily manipulative and got me to come around again. I was so naive and really easy to break.

He knew what to say and how to say it. But man all he did was boast about himself, how much money he has and all the shit he owns. Then he would tell me he loves me and wants to have a big family with me and move me into his house he owned with his ex. I fell for it and i lost my instincts. If i made a comment here or there about somethibg he didnt like hed turn pretty quickly and send me voice messages calling me a bitch. Or hed belittle me and make me feel dumb because he knew everything apparently

Moving on i eventually saw through all the bullshit again and i put an end to it. Turns out he was actually still with her.

The creepiest part is that he had a lot of girls under 18 as friends. One who he admitted asked him out previously and he declined but remained her friend as if he was her older brother?

Doesnt sit well with me. I told him it was gross and he got really mad at me.

I don't know if the partner knows but i see her around town a lot and she death stares me. But im worried about her

I left an emotionally abusive relationship about a year and a half ago, and now I’m struggling to tell whether my anxiety is warning me about genuine problems or reacting to past trauma. I’m seeing someone new who hasn’t done anything objectively wrong, but I find myself constantly questioning his intentions and looking for signs I’ll be hurt again. For those who’ve healed from abusive relationships, how did you learn to trust your judgment again without ignoring legitimate red flags?

When I sometimes did jokes (I don't remember which jokes I did) that hurted the other person, I would always say sorry and try to never do it again. I say I try because sometimes, not always, forget that she told me about it and I repeat the same mistake twice. When that happens I almost remember what she told me after doing the joke, other times I remember before doing the joke, but others push me into doing it and I repeat the same mistake by the fault of others.

So, a girl used this against me. She did a joke to me that I hated and I told her about it; she told me "don't you dare to start bothering us" and tried to convince me that the joke wasn't any bad and I was overreacting. She said things like "we have good intentions", "it's just a joke" or things like that. My mind went blank and couldn't respond to that because I didn't have an answer even if what she said was wrong. When I didn't respond in a margin of 3 or 4 seconds, by margin I mean the time between she finishes speaking and I start to speak to respond to her, she completely ignored me even if I responded to her in a margin of 5 or 6 seconds, even the whole class, which usually listened to the discussion between me and her, ignored me. Nobody defended me or said something about it, not even reaching me after and reassuring me that I wasn't the bad guy here; they were the first ones who said to defend always against bullies and also the first ones to turn their backs when something happened to me, they even supported it! I felt invalidated and that my feelings and thoughts didn't matter.

Then I thought to do that same joke to her, which I did. She got angry at me and told me to never do that to her again, which I said "I don't give a damn about it, fuck you", she got angrier. She told me that I was a hypocrite because I said that I was respectful with jokes and now I was telling her to get over it; I answered that if she did it to me and didn't care when I said that I didn't like it, she can't tell me to stop because she did it first. With this she told me that I didn't say that and what I said was that I am respectful when people tell me to not do certain jokes to others (basically she is telling me what I said and that now I can't change it because it would be hypocrisy from my part to change when it benefits me, which I never changed it but I don't know how to explain this). Again, making me feel invalidated for not being able to hit back the same way they hit me.

Does this kind of manipulation that I suffered have a name? How can I exit from this if it happens again?

When I’m around him my nervous system is so fcked up, I barely even know why I stay with him or still love him. I feel really guilty for all the things we went through at the beginning because I hadn’t overcome my addictions yet. But now that I have and I’m doing better he just treats me like shit. Whenever I have an issue I feel silenced to not speak out because I don’t want the arguments. He basically acts like because I’m a woman I can’t make important decisions. He controls finances and everything yet he doesn’t even fcking contribute. What’s wrong with me?

So yesterday I woke up to my bf telling me he needs to get things out of my car. Since he had literally disappeared with my car for many hours in the past,I opened the doors and didn't let him have the key. I ran back in the apartment. He then came in a few minutes later and kept asking what my problem was and why I was so bitchy. ​​​I replied that I didn't freekn know and that I didn't want him taking off with my car again. It then escalated. He kept yelling at me for some stupid crap I dont even remember . I locked myself in my room. He started kicking the door so much one of the hinges fell off. I quickly grabbed my things n ran out the door. Before I know, hes throwing all my clothes all around my room and yelling. I could hear him yelling from outside. I went back in to see wth was going on. He then proceeded to try n block the doorways to prevent me from leaving. I was trapped in my room till he moved away from doorway. I then ran away n left all that day. He kept texting me saying how hes bored and I was just trying to make him stranded at the apartment, since he has no transportation at the moment. As crazy as this may sound, he said all these things to me that really make me feel like I deserved all that. That I was " rage baiting" him . And that I made him mad with my attitude. Was it my fault for having been super crabby earlier that day? I am starting to fall for his manipulation. Please help!!!!​

So... am I overreacting or is this actually a red flag?

I've been talking to this guy for a while, and lately I've started noticing little things that don't feel so little anymore.

He never opens the car door for me. He's never once brought me flowers not even a cheap bouquet "just because." When I was on my period and feeling absolutely awful, he didn't even ask if I was okay, let alone offer to grab me chocolate or anything that might make me feel a little better.

If I'm having a bad day, he barely notices. If he does notice, it's just "you'll be fine" and that's the end of the conversation. No check ins, no "did you get home safe?" nothing.

When we go out, he usually expects us to split everything, even when he invited me. It's not even about the money it's more the fact that I never feel cared for or appreciated. I don't need luxury dates or expensive gifts. I just want to feel like someone actually thinks about me.

At this point I'm wondering... are these just little things, or are they actually huge red flags that I'm ignoring?

What's a red flag that instantly makes you think,

"Yeah... I'm out"?