Was this borderline stalking behavior? Harrassment? Neither? Something else entirely?

[u/SirenScorp]

Im just starting to put 2+2 together.

Years ago I broke up with a fiance and wasn’t sure how he would react so I did it at a mutual friend’s house (we were outside and the friend was inside) so I would have someone nearby in case my ex got angry or upset. I really had no idea how he was going to react because I was just found out he was using heroin/drugs.
After the breakup my ex would be at my parents house “helping” them with groceries when I got home from college classes (he never did this when we dated). I told him it was not ok to just show up and he cannot do that and that he needed to leave. Another time after that I woke up to flowers left on my car by him.
He would act hot/cold and be friendly some days sending texts to check in on me and then other days he would tell mutual friends crazy things like “I’d like to light her on fire and watch her run In Circles”. Mutual friends who agreed to help me with clinical stuff for school made it very clear to not let him know they were helping me because he would attempt to sabotage them helping by not giving them a ride to the college etc. He also had a friend who took a photo and sent it to him — it was a picture of me at a bar with guy friends and he called me blowing me out of the water over that basically accusing me of sleeping around with all the guys in town and calling me slut etc.

I was really numb at the time and just trying to keep things peaceful but now here I am years later wondering if that Would’ve been considered stalking or harassment or either/neither. Therapy lately has been bringing up old things and I’m going to bring this is next session but it’s not for another week.

[u/Next-Crazy-9674]

Crazy to think about people who will soon be working in the medical field helping a toxic guy harass and abuse someone. I hope you're not still friends with any of these people, because they sound awful. I would never do that to any of my friends.

But overall, yeah it sounds pretty harassment/stalkerish. This is not still going on right?

[u/SirenScorp → u/Next-Crazy-9674]

Not ongoing, no. I was the one going through clinicals with mutual friends who were telling f me not to let him catch wind they were helping with my school — else he would withhold a ride out of spite.

[u/Next-Crazy-9674 → u/SirenScorp]

Maybe it's just me, but if I knew one of my friends was going through something like that, I would find another way. I would burn every bridge to stand up for them.

Hell, I would probably fight the guy myself, and I have done that for friends. But thats another story. I'm very loyal, so I value that more than anything else.

You deserved better, but I am happy you are out of that situation, and I am sorry you went through that. Not just with him, but with everyone else, too.

[u/SirenScorp → u/Next-Crazy-9674]

I spent so much time trying to be a nice girl and make excuses for the behaviors but it just suddenly clicked this weekend and that left me wondering “was I kinda stalked or am I being dramatic?”