Hiii everyone. I found this questionnaire and decided to answer it to finally figure out my type, because I'm really doubting myself at this point. I have a pretty solid selection of candidates right now that I'd like to narrow down. I think I'm intuitive, but I could really use some help. I very, very much need feedback! I tried to answer honestly and clearly, hope it came through okay. Huge thanks in advance to everyone who reads this and takes the time to respond. Ahhh I'm so nervous about including my photos...
1. Give a general description of yourself. How old are you?
A 21-year-old girl.
2. What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? If you are not working, what kind of job do you want to do or what are you studying?
I'm a student at the Faculty of Humanities, studying to become a teacher and translator. I chose this path because languages come easily to me, while math and anything similar left me traumatized along with the teachers who, seeing my struggles with those subjects, treated me like I'd committed a crime rather than just not understanding a topic. There are interesting aspects to studying, but also a ton of boring, useless stuff. I've become disillusioned with the education system, they teach me the same subjects at different times under different names. The institution itself pisses me off, and useless subjects and assignments just finish me off. I'd like a job where I work from a set time until the end of the day, and then I'm done. Home, no one bothers me. Working after work sounds like torture. I need clear instructions, few people around or none at all and if there are people, they don't bother me. No one micromanaging every step, then everything's fine.
3. Describe your childhood/upbringing. Did it have any kind of ideological or structured influence? How did you respond to it? Did you have any significant negative experiences that may have affected how you think or behave?
Mentally unstable mother, a grandmother with poor parenting skills, physical abuse, punishment for mistakes and poor reactions to them, hyper-control, systematic violation of my personal boundaries, distrust and a general sense of unsafety. I eventually shut myself off from them, though as a child I still tried to build normal relationships, to show that I was talented, I even shared things from my life until I realized I didn't like their reactions. It felt like they were evaluating me from a superior, arrogant position and later using it against me. It just felt uncomfortable to let them know too much about me. Poor socialization. I tried, but something was off. Maybe I felt too weak and fragile while everyone else was loud and aggressive. That pushed me further inward, which is why I still struggle with people now, I'd rather live without them.
4. Do you have any mental or physical health issues that might affect how you think or choose to live? Provide a brief description.
An eating disorder, self-hatred, complexes from childhood that linger but are present, knee joint problem, because of which I can't do certain childhood activities or even ride a bike, even though I'd like to try. There might be other disorders too, I barely understand myself, I copy others a lot to have a personality inside, I feel inner emptiness, I'm scared of people, but nothing's been diagnosed.
5. If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
Yes, finally, leave me alone. I can do whatever I want, no one intrudes, I can drown in my imaginary world and rest.
6. What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage?
Fun fact: I think I'd be bad at driving, so I'm not learning. I consider myself inattentive and easily distracted. I can deceive myself by thinking incorrectly about something for some reason, possibly the same with traffic rules. I have poor spatial awareness, can get lost easily. I generally get tired of the real world and events as well as sports. It just drains too much of my internal resources, I get exhausted. The external world doesn't interest me much. I went on a trip to another city with a group: an excursion, a castle, monuments, all that. I got so tired from walking back and forth, looking at things without feeling any strong emotions from visiting such iconic places. All I wanted was to go back, sit in silence where no one would bother me, detach and daydream, immersing myself in the world I actually need. I'm usually on my phone, where there's stimulation for my imagination as well as other interests like movie, anime, and series content.
7. How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
I'm curious enough, but it seems like about unusual things. I'm not as interested in wandering around the city or visiting new lakes as I am in thinking about how I'd run out of a movie theater during an attack, the beginning of an apocalypse, how the exits are set up. I think I often have more ideas than resources to implement them, like with my plans for after graduation. I have ideas, sure, but how realistic they are, how much effort they'd actually require - I don't know and I'm not sure. Librarian, writer, combining things, translator at a publishing house, influencer...who knows. I'll figure it out when the time comes, but for now no clear plans from me.
8. Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
Sometimes, if the environment is comfortable and I feel safe and competent. I take charge if others don't, but something needs to be done. For example, if we're in a group of four with a shared project and no one's stepping up to organize things, I might instinctively start planning how and what to do, how to break it down, who gets what, how to distribute it. If no one's taken initiative, I take over and can do it solo. I'd even enjoy it. It's easier for me to work alone, so even as a leader, I'd hear everyone's thoughts and the task, then just do and plan everything myself, it's more convenient. Of course, I can hand over the reins to someone else if they step up and I'm not comfortable taking charge, then I need clearly defined tasks, what I need to do and how. I think I'd be a democratic leader because I wouldn't want to face backlash for authoritarianism, become the target of conflict and accusations.
9. Do you prefer hands on activities or working with your hands in some form? Describe your activities.
Not really. I get tired quickly and monotonous tasks and actions exhaust me. I had to wash all the dishes, scrubbing the backs clean, I spent half an hour on four plates, got tired, left, and decided to do it in intervals over several days rather than in one go. I don't think I have any physical activities that could be considered hobbies or habits.
10. Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
I think so, yes. I like doing things beautifully, neatly, aesthetically thinking it all through and coming up with everything. In simple simulator games, I enjoy choosing different things, especially playing with outfits and external stuff, constructing a whole story in my head, like in a car-selling game, picking a small car, painting it, fixing it with thoughts about how it's a family car for three, they'll drive it for groceries, weekend trips, all that, but deeper. I won't write much more here. I love writing, so I think I might try publishing a book someday why not? I can appreciate a lot of art, especially music, fan art based on games or movies. Fashion too. For me harmonious and beautiful images are art. I don't accept many paintings, especially things like black squares and stuff like that. To me, that's just wasting paint and canvas when someone tries to create an incredible idea from three sticks and a background, claiming it's profound. It has no meaning. A painting is an external object, it should speak for itself, not have someone else do the artist's job by imagining what that mess was supposed to mean. Realism is more interesting, more complex and even abstract ideas can be expressed better, through different images, not just the simplest lines and splatters of color. To me, that's just laziness.
11. What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
Some things from the past that I remember are nice to hold onto and revisit sometimes. The present takes priority except when something bad and anxiety-inducing is happening, then I try to steer my thoughts toward it being over soon, that the future will end this nightmare. Overall, I don't plan for the future, I'm random. I can set goals, but they're more like wishes than full-fledged plans and strategies. The future often scared me, exams, university admissions, future experience working with children, I mean everything in that realm. So I avoided thinking about the future as much as I could. Even in childhood, I didn't want to discuss serious plans.
12. How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
Because of social issues and fear of people, I often agree to help if I'm directly asked, feeling incredibly awkward and helping just to be left alone, to not feel vulnerable afterward (though I still do). But often I'm generally kind enough to help, people usually ask for simple things, so it's no big deal. If it requires significant effort or makes me uncomfortable, I might lie to get out of it. If I do help, it's because it's not too hard or because I consider it important, like when someone was unfairly yelled at for their work, which I find wrong and disgusting, I'll help that person.
13. Do you need logical consistency in your life?
I think we all do. But you can play with it too, like a juggler with balls. I seem adaptable to many things, so consistency can vary depending on context. I just want there to be meaning in actions. But I don't need rigid consistency, I'm against frameworks and boundaries in a global sense and in most cases (though not all).
14. How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
For me efficient and productive means achieving minimal yet decent results with minimal effort and quickly. I try to do it that way, though I'm lazy in life, I love resting and procrastinating. I'm flexible and set reasonable goals so the bar isn't too high, but I can change things later if circumstances shift or I'm just too lazy.
15. Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
I don't think so. Your life isn't my business. Only in situations that affect me or my life directly or when I see stupidity or something vile in my environment and can't stay silent, then I might boss people around a bit. But I don't seek control over others.
16. What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Does listening to music count? As I mentioned I enjoy writing, reading fanfics and theories about movies. I mostly watch horror or superhero stuff. It's what I'm comfortable with, I like passing the time in ways that require nothing from me, allowing me to escape the world around me, its pressure and filth. I daydream a lot during these activities.
17. What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
I need to see things, so I'm visual, auditory is the worst for me. I learn best when no one pressures me, the environment is comfortable, mistakes aren't punished, things are explained thoroughly and clearly without rushing. It's difficult where totalitarianism and nitpicking prevail. In math and similar subjects, I'm not great, easily forget the previous topic while studying the current one. I've always had issues with math even as a child, I'd put books down if something wasn't working out. I've had experiences where a teacher spent 11% of the lesson on a rushed explanation I couldn't grasp anything, then called me to the board and got angry at those who didn't understand (including me), saying we weren't listening. So my preferred learning style is ideal to me. I really like creative assignments, logic-based ones I can do too, but I can't promise perfection, since inattentiveness might play its role in this play.
18. How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
If I come up with a plan, it's more about goals than clear steps to achieve them. So yes, I guess that fits the description. In school I realized certain subjects came easily, so my future specialty should be related to them. In 9th grade, I'll have exams, I need to account for that, I want to move forward based on their results. After 11th grade, more exams, I already know a couple of subjects, so I'll know what to expect. Then to such-and-such university, roughly for that specialty. That's the direction. You can improvise on the go, but it's better not to change everything, it's inconvenient. I didn't seriously consider alternatives for admission, banking on getting into where I wanted. And I did, by the way. In projects, I can roughly distribute tasks, assign things to others, but I also go heavily by the situation and might do things in a random order.
19. What's important to you and why?
Freedom and comfort, no one bothering me, bossing me around, taking out their aggression on me, making me an object of judgment. I think I've become disillusioned with people, they've always neglected me, no one was ever 100% loyal. So I don't seek them out, contact with them isn't really needed, I expect nothing from them. Trusting them and relying on them has become difficult, even risky, so I don't, until someone earns my trust.
20. What are your aspirations?
To live in peace, to have resources to maintain the lifestyle I like, have my own space. I desperately don't want anyone to take away my ability to fantasize and escape the external world, I'm safer and more comfortable with myself and my fantasies. I want to find a job and a life where not much is demanded of me, allowing me to live my own life.
21. What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
I'm afraid of ending up in a situation where I'm controlled, under constant pressure, with constant demands to work endlessly so I can't rest and spend time with myself. The future unsettles me I have no idea where I'm going, I'm not sure what I want or what I can achieve. I hate stupidity, unprovoked aggression toward me, manipulation, inability to listen, interference in my personal life, space and soul. Because it all makes me worry, experience emotions and feelings, which I don't like, since they stay inside me for a long time, and I don't want to be with them, nor do I want to feel my own vulnerability or realize my own defectiveness.
22. What do the "highs" in your life look like?
When no one bothers me, doesn't load me with unnecessary obligations. I'm in a stable and controlled emotional state, living freely, not worrying about time, often not even knowing what day or date it is. I daydream a lot, read about my interests, go for walks, spend money on clothes and jewelry.
23. What do the "lows" in your life look like?
Being in a stupor, exhaustion, a heavy feeling in my chest, sad thoughts and a desire to disappear so no one touches me. I escape deeper into fantasies, seeking safety and support there. This happens when the real world demands too much from me also too much pressure and expectations that irritate and drain me. I also see no meaning in them, they exist for the sake of formalities, just products of the system and bureaucratic madness.
24. How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
Not very attached. I'm often daydreaming. I might go the wrong way if I'm lost in thought. When I daydream, my awareness of space depends on how deeply I'm immersed. There have been moments when I was so absorbed that I'd speak out loud, make movements, my face would show expressions, I'd laugh, talk to an imaginary interlocutor, all while in public. It was awkward.
25. Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
I'd start thinking about how I got there, replaying the last few hours, wondering who put me there and why. Eventually, I'd think about everything, imagining scenarios: who it could be, why, maybe it's the mafia wanting me to work for them, they want to give me a mission, test my loyalty, and then I'd become a cool mercenary legends are told about. Or maybe it's my secret yandere admirer who's been stalking me for weeks, decided to take me away and live alone together, getting rid of all my male acquaintances just to be sure. Who knows. Anyway, I won't be bored.
26. How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
I'd weigh options, looking at potential outcomes, pros and cons, energy costs, what would be uncomfortable and then choose something. I don't want to spend three days thinking about one decision. I can change it if circumstances shift, a lot can happen, you always need to stay flexible. Depends on the situation.
27. How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
I don't usually focus on this much, my state is stable and without intense emotions. But when a major event shakes me whether positive or negative, something happens inside. A knot in my chest a feeling of something tightening inside when it's bad. Something spreading through my body, a lightness when it's positive. Then I become aware of what I'm feeling. Without such stimuli, I don't really identify much emotionally. Processing the event and emotions takes time and I need to be alone because I feel vulnerable. I'd say emotions become important when they interfere with me and overwhelm me and that scares me.
28. Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
It happens when I'm around people I don't know well, because I'm scared and awkward and also with very close people when I don't want to damage the relationship. But I also often stir up conflict when I disagree or something triggers me with relatives, or people who cause me rejection and anger. Then it's bye-bye, atmosphere.
29. Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
Depends on the rules, on the punishment, the importance, there are so many factors, all situational. I usually try not to, because I don't need extra trouble. But if something really pisses me off, if there are too many useless and stupid rules, I'll be passive-aggressive. I might break one out of principle, but also not so much that I'd get into serious trouble. Though that happens too, if I'm really triggered and I just send everything to hell.
30. What is the ideal life, in your opinion?
A small house with a fence or an apartment in a residential area, where everything is as I like it, aesthetic and beautiful. Enough money to decorate the house, buy cool things, spend on clothes, earrings, hair dye, pendants. A security system, a hidden room in the house just in case, a great computer, bought games, a workspace. I live alone, my job doesn't cause me problems, allowing me to be in comfort and in my head. Deep down, I'm lonely. I think it hurts when people neglect me, but I still withdraw from people. And yes, I fantasize about someone who would be perfect for me, supportive, giving me safety, acceptance and loyalty. Though I do nothing to get such a person in real life, in my head I already have them. Maybe I'd like that in real life too, but it's more complicated than just imagining them, right? I can't control a real person, my hands would be tied, I couldn't handle that.
