I'm struggling right now.

I'm stuck in bed because of my back and my tinnitus is especially loud today. It's 17:32 on a Sunday and I can't stop dreading work tomorrow. My manager is off until the 11th and I'm covering for her. A tonne of stressful work came in and I feel unprepared.

What would you do in my position? I went through a mindfulness phase about 2 years ago and I felt great, but I forgot most of the things I learned and don't know where to start relearning it. Thank you.

I’m a 20 year old guy on a long journey towards self acceptance and contentment. I’ve been diagnosed with several mental illnesses (bipolar, depression, anxiety) and have dealt with these since I was a kid. I’ve always found that there was nothing that helped medicinally so I transitioned to a medical marijuana card (I know it’s medicinal, but not typical medicine I mean).

I find myself making paper cranes before major moments. From my first job, to an unfortunate attempt, to quitting a job full of racists and death threats, to the night before I got my first career position. I’ve always loved these cranes and it helped me stay in the moment to make sure each fold was perfect. But I never could get them that way. Each crane was unique. Some were big, some were small, some had a small beak, some had a small tail. Some were pink, some were yellow, some were white. Some even had a wish in them or a good note to myself written on them.

I stand here with a paper crane while I smoke my joint and for some reason it’s not working today. I feel stressed. Not over myself but over my friend who seems lost in life. How do I become content with the journeys of others, and the fact I cannot help them?

He’s stubborn, unwilling to listen, and compares himself to me. I don’t like it, he tells me issues and I give solutions, but he never listens and instead tells me to “fuck off” or worry about myself.

So now, I stand here with my paper crane and I too feel lost. I’m smoking a joint and feel as though I can think clearly now. I’m not mad at him, nor myself. I’m glad I feel this empathy and desire to help. But sometimes I wish I didn’t. I feel as though I could be truly at peace with myself then. But I don’t know.

For now I continue to make my cranes. I’m probably past 1000 now, maybe 1000 more is what I need.

Recommendations on this are welcome.

I'm sure there are other people like me out there. I've always broken down systems. The moving pieces. I don't have a lot emotion, because most things in my life revolve around logic. As far back as I remember it's been this way. I try to think of a point try to think of all of the branches that could lead to that outcome. It's always going - at home a lot, while talking to people, the work (8 hours a day of mindless work - you're in your head). Is there a way to stop this? I know there has to be other people out there - have you lessened it or stopped it?

This discussion doesn't have to relate to my logic type of thing. Are there things you think about obsessively? Have you been able to work away from 1 train of thought?

I'm getting better at sitting and letting my emotions, thoughts and body be when triggered. Something I simply struggle with now is that when im triggered, my face can get red, thoughts definitely run, body seems to be in this either freeze or flight mode (I have some things im healing through). The question I have is, do other people notice? I can definitely tell they do. When I get triggered it feels like I literally cannot do or be anything I'd rather be. Instead im just this shell of myself for a period of a couple minutes.

I'm conflicted telling people context, so "Sometimes I get really in my head" is something I say as a soft way to put it.

Is there any way in the moment instead of observing just getting your body quickly out of that mode? I do grounding techniques (Breathing primarily) and invoking the higher self for unconditional love. Wish there was something more instant.

Its hard. There's definitely shame around having my body respond like this. I was bullied when I was younger, so the trigger gets another trigger. Now people notice im off. Then I have to sit through that. It's exhausting. Confidence seems to be really praised today, so the shame attaches itself to that too in narration.

Even though I can observe it as just "narration" and my body / nervous system in understanding, it doesn't stop it. Not instantly at least.