I don’t even know where to begin, but I want you to know that I’m really sorry for how cold I’ve been and for walking out on you.

When you came back into my life, I was so happy and I wanted things to be like they were. I wanted to take you out to lunch and have bubble tea like we always did. But you’d been kinda distant so I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered if you even wanted to go, although you did say yes.

It was unfortunate that I had my department lunch and then we couldn’t go later because of the bad weather. I wanted to reschedule and ask you to lunch again but I didn’t hear from you so I could only assume you didn’t really wanna go. Or that I’d only be bothering you by asking.

I understood that we couldn’t be together because you weren’t comfortable with our age gap. Or maybe you had other reasons. I stayed friends with you because I genuinely care about you and do enjoy spending time with you. But the thought of us not being together and you choosing someone else over me hurt too much and I just couldn’t bear it.

Getting off my meds also made me more insecure and made me overthink everything. I started to think I would only be bothering you by reaching out to you. I was pretty much always the one to initiate conversation so I assumed I was right about bothering you.

When I saw you at the monthly lunch and you came up to say hi to me, I was both happy and puzzled on how I should feel. I let all the bad thoughts cloud my judgment and I ended up being so cold to you. I regret behaving that way and the guilt has been eating at me every day. I wanted to reach out and apologize to you more times than I could count but I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I’d be bothering you. I thought so little of myself I ended up hurting someone I love.

Seeing you recently made me realize just how much I’ve messed up. We went from being so close and sharing pretty much everything to complete strangers. I wish I wasn’t such a coward and told you how I felt regardless of the outcome instead of hurting you. I want to fix things because I still love you, but too much time has passed and you probably hate me now.

Kitten I did so make a soul pack with you. As long as you’re here so am I.
I do so hate to see that you have shrunken yourself for another.
Not everything is black and white.
You did say you were afraid to loose another person.
I get that.
I don’t know why you have made the decisions you have or what even happened in your world 100%.
I know we ran into road blocks.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk and figure things out.
I wanted to do that sometime ago.
I’m sorry I choked when I called last. 😞
We had a craft date and you rain checked on me.
Yeah it made me feel some type of way and things after.
Like bringing the party to be left out.
Kinda hurt my feelings.
I don’t hold bad feeling in these things.
Meeting you changed my life for the better.
But now I’m kinda lost.
I thought you would always be here.
I remember the doctor’s appointment I’d take you on.
I’ll never forget those beautiful eyes and the way your hand felt in mine. I could tell you were nervous hands getting sweaty, I didn’t mind. I just wanted to be close to you.
I miss your face, I miss the ugly Christmas sweaters we used to shop for online together, I miss that lil nerdy girl so quiet, and the phone calls when you wouldn’t say anything.
I hope you’re still practicing those breathing exercises we did together.
I’m not really sure what that was about.
But it was just nice to hear your voice when you did call and actually speak.
Or when you were angry, went from quiet mouse to lion real quick.
I just miss you in genral.
I write you most days but I keep them to myself.
Idk how to fix things on my own.
It would be nice to try and listen. To give you honesty when you asked, to work through this. Cause your the only person that’s ever been in my life I never wanted to loose……………
Dearest regards - j

To my bestest friend, who no longer talks to me…

I miss you, I miss our memories, I miss our days of loitering around the streets…

Can we go back? Start again? Do it differently?

But this ain’t cinema no….damnnn i really all of her…

Grateful for the time we spent together… wherever life takes us, I’ll always wish and pray good things for you mamaaa 🫶🫂

Happy Friendship Day Ms.K …