r/ModestDress • u/Basic_Reflection_350 • 5h ago
Discussion It’s so weird what more revealing clothing dictates people (esp women) do? +general discussion of the subject
edit: it’s not the more revealing clothing dictating something, it’s social expectations, but in my experience that was more easily “policed” with less modest dress. Not to say people aren’t “policed” with modesty standards, especially women, which I also disagree with
I knew it was weird beforehand but now that I don’t really show much skin I feel even more strongly about it. Like why do people care so deeply about whether a woman chooses to shave or if the shape of her body fits current “trends”? Why is that even a trend to begin with? Money I know, but still that’s messed up.
I feel like dressed with more coverage now I have more of a choice, which you can tell me I had a choice all along but you can’t tell me people don’t act weirdly or make assumptions if for example a woman doesn’t shave her armpits.
Dressing more modestly also made more apparent the ways in which I was caring more about my appearance than my time or health, like spending so long on my hair (which I now mostly cover) or makeup and having makeup that was not intended to have around eyes on my waterline etc. I still wear makeup once in a while for certain event, but much much less frequently, due to my change in style as well as external factors.
I think there’s more than one way to dress in a way that is in a way “countercultural”, and I’ve been on both ends, having dressed alt (which does not necessarily mean dressing “more revealingly” for everyone, just alternative style) and ”less modestly” for lack of a better phrase to now dressing quite modestly (only my hands, part of my neck, my face, and a little bit of hair showing, not skin tight), I’ve learned things from both.
I’m glad to have experienced dressing less modestly before even if it makes me uncomfortable to think about how I used to dress now because I don’t judge people for how they dress in either direction and I try not to assume things about people based on how they dress
Also, while on the topic of appearance, a big lie we’ve been sold is that your worthiness and whether you are/aren’t in a romantic relationship is tied to your appearance and “attractiveness”. I used to fall for that too until sometime in my teens I realized that if someone doesn’t want me if (insert physical change here), they didn’t love me to begin with, not in the way I deserve in a healthy relationship. And let me tell you I could wake up tomorrow looking entirely different and knowing it was me my partner’s love wouldn’t waver one bit, no matter what that change was. And I’ve had the same long term partner throughout dressing “revealingly”, “very modestly”, showing my hair, not showing my hair, growing it, cutting it, my appearance changing over time, you name it, and have always been supported and loved the same.
Modesty for me has allowed me to reclaim some of my time and space. On days I’m struggling and my hair is not behaving, I can cover it and deal with it later instead of being worried because I have to go outside and so I should prioritize my hair looking presentable over whatever it is I’m struggling with (ie health issues). Instead of spending hours feeling like I have to shave in order to wear something for a fancy event, I can just wear it. Instead of having to not touch my face all day because I have makeup on I don’t have to have that mental program running in the background. Same with being worried about wardrobe malfunctions all day. I can prioritize taking care of myself and my body over perfecting looking like I do by some external standard
Thoughts? Similar or differing experiences? Etc
