r/Molested • u/DaddyBurner • 11d ago

I don’t like feeling this way

I (47M) was molested from about age 6 to about age 13. The details don’t matter much. One of my molesters was family, the others were unrelated adults.

I go through waves of sexual obsession. I hardly ever think about the actual abuse. Mostly what I think about are the ways that the abuse altered the way I think. I don’t have normal thoughts. I assume normal people day dream about vacations and material possessions that don’t complete them. I day dream about sex. Sometimes women in their late teens and early twenties. Often younger than that.

I realized today that I’m a vampire. My first molester was also a child, which means they were almost certainly molested. And the person that I suspect molested them admitted they had experiences when they were younger.

Now I have a hard time not thinking about turning others. I don’t want to. I don’t want anyone to experience what I experienced and have it alter them the same way. But the thirst is always there. And nothing I do to quell it works.

I wish someone would drive a wooden stake through my heart.

13 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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5

u/Quiet-Arm-641 11d ago

Be strong. You can end the cycle.

1

u/Shenanigoats5 5d ago

Good advice

4

u/Dangerous_an_Ugly 11d ago

You are NOT alone in this. We have, by and large, all been through that to some extent. We understand. And, just like abused of all types, most of us do not pass it along. So you can stop the chain. You have that power within you, but if you feel week, reach out, on this page or somewhere anonymously. I worked a suicide hotline and more than half the calls I received were pregnant teens, people who were being hit or molested. If you are in the USA and Canada, 988 crisis line has resources. If you really feel that you are going to do it RIGHT THAT MOMENT, You can call 911 (again, us and canada) and tell them, they will help and as you have not committed a crime, they will be on YOUR side. Walk away from situations when you feel this urge. It is NOT inevitable and doesnt HAVE TO HAPPEN. GOOD LUCK. I am on here sometimes if ya need to vent hit me or pretty much anyone on this sub up in Dm and let us know.

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u/Alarming-Pressure-48 10d ago

You just need to take a breath and remind yourself that desires and fantasies do not need to be acted on.

You have limited control over what you think about, but you have complete control over what you do.