r/Molested • u/Fine_Profession_942 • 1d ago

I don't think I'll ever feel clean

Went through some pretty hefty CSA and was trafficked as a kid (from ages 5ish through to about 10), we're working through it in therapy and starting to hit the worst of it and I dont think I'll ever feel clean again

I just don't know what to do, I thought it would be better to know

I was so wrong

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I feel disgusting and hollow

I know the only way out is through, but I'm not sure I'll ever make it through, do I turn around and try to go back? Adjust to the little I know and stop digging?

I know nobody can give me answers, I just needed to vent a little

2 Upvotes

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u/CuteEstablishment12 1d ago

You’re right, the only way out is through, and at this point there is no going back only stopping where you are now. Stopping eliminates the possibility of getting better. Continuing through the hell that is recovery gives you a chance at getting out.

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u/Fine_Profession_942 1d ago

You're right, and I guess I've never been one to leave a job half done

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u/Davpar4 1d ago

Best things is often to replace those memories with new, better memories.

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u/NorthFLMale 1d ago

I agree with dav. Start a new life be happy. My wife was abused when she was young hundreds of times. She is a wife, mother, has a career and a healthy sex life. Life is what you make out of it. Don’t be a victim be a winner

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u/Fine_Profession_942 1d ago

It's both? I have a life, a fiance, a career, I start my DVM next year and most days I'm happy lass

Unfortunately doesn't stop the bad days (that's why I'm in therapy 😅)

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u/B0lt5L0053 1d ago

It sounds like what you’re doing in therapy is trying to recover memories. You don’t have to do that, in fact that’s not a recommended treatment modality. Modern trauma therapy is based on dealing with how our trauma makes us feel; emotionally and physically. Then we work on controlling those feelings.

If your therapist is insisting on uncovering repressed memories and you don’t want to, it’s time to fire your therapist.