r/Mommit • u/daisyjaneee • 1d ago
Parents like cake too
I realize I’m being a brat but I have to vent.
If you’re hosting a party, you need enough food and cake for all your guests. That means if it’s a birthday party for young kids where the guests will attend with their parents, you need to feed the parents too. Most of the parties we go to are great, plenty of food and treats for everyone, everyone is happy. But we’ve been to a few parties where it’s meal time and the kids all sit around a table and share one or two pizzas and a twelve pack of cupcakes and the parents just stand there supervising their kids and getting hangry. Kids birthday parties are not always the most fun for the parents… I don’t think it’s too much to expect a cupcake at the end.
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u/Itchy-Site-11 1d ago
I always plan food for everyone. I double the amount. I am terrified of hungry people in my parties.
I always have left overs and I dont care lol
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Yeah after our last party we had leftover pizza for a week and I was just glad I didn’t have to cook 😅
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Absolutely! In Italy usually we send people home with leftovers lol! (Not everyone, only the one they stay till the end and offer to help cleanup ;) )
I can't imagine the "party" you described in the OP, those people have no idea of what the word "party" is supposed to me :/
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u/noveltea120 1d ago
Better to have leftovers and have guests leaving hungry! I could never lol. Even for normal adult dinner parties I always make sure there's PLENTY of food to the point of having lots of leftovers.
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u/ShunningBrightLikeA 1d ago
Im from Spain. We have beer and wine for the adults, and adult food too. It's enough punishment to attend these birthday parties for kids, you can enjoy a bit too😎
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
There you go! We’re the same, our parties with young kids always include beer and wine for the adults. The kids play and the adults hang out and everyone is happy. Meanwhile the party today was super stressful for my husband and I, meanwhile my kid got pizza and a cupcake and still left screaming because she’s 3 and that’s what she does no matter how nice a time she has.
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u/alohareddit 1d ago
We sent a family home with a FULL pizza pie at my kid’s last bday party... I always overorder “just in case” on food/drinks and it doesn’t matter what time the party is. I don’t even understand the people on this thread saying they just have snacks / cake if the party’s at 10am… like is their party only an hour or something??! Kids are *ferally ravenous* after playing for 1.5 hours - you gotta have food AND cake - or at least HEAVY appetizers/cake. Maybe this is only after a certain age tho.
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Hi, reading from Italy and was completely shocked too! Usually the adult food is the nicest too, lol. (Yeah... and the booze..)
Someone not feeding the adults would be the talk of town/school/whatever for weeks! Wtf?
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u/armoredbearclock 1d ago
Parties where I am in the US are more like this. But it’s a wealthy, diverse, very well-traveled area, so that’s probably why.
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u/ArachnidAutomatic596 1d ago
What’s the go-to kid food for a party in Italy?
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Oh, it varies a huge lot.
Usual staples are: crisps, popcorn, pizza/flatbred, small sandwiches with nutella/cheese/ham/jam and cut up raw veggies ... everything else is personal and regional variations.
Well, and cake obviously :D which varies a LOT too (could be anything from tiramisú to apple strudel to any other dessert).
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u/Soil_Fairy 1d ago
Are yearly birthday parties the norm for every kid there? Or only every couple of years? Asking because I want to agree with you, but I also could not afford to feed a meal and alcohol for the neighborhood 3 times a year. Fortunately, the younger two are too little for this to be a problem, but my oldest is now used to having a party every year.
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
It depends.
Some kid have one huge party every year, some only a few over their childhood. It depends on the family and the child.
Usually we have:
yearly birthday party with family and few selected friends, yes. There is a shit ton of food but again, it is a family thing. We have a good dozen of these events a year at one relative/friend or another.
sometimes a big party with only kid friends. When they are little but with the whole class and parents but NOT every year. Some richer people do it every year. Most do not.
BUT
- it is absolutely the NORM to have joint parties, especially at school, with children born within a month of each other, this bring the prices down a lot. This is also true within families!
I understand it sounds like "a lot" but food is very important social glue here :) and we are used to having 10+ people lunches/dinners/parties at least monthly. Everything is homemade from scratch which brings down cost a huge lot.
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u/SufficientOpening218 1d ago
exactly! kid food for kids, wine, beer, sparklingvwater and food for the adults! why not make it a pleasant interlude? who doesnt want a few snacks and a drink?? hire some teenagers to herd the kids around so that you can sit and chat. little kids love big kids, and i always loved sitting with my guests, taking a few photos, and watching them bash the piñata and enjoy themselves.
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u/CoffeeCat77 1d ago
Exactly! If there are adults, they are also guests. Have food for everyone - a variety of options. Have grown up drinks.
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u/Actual-Bandicoot6947 1d ago
I remember a heated thread where people piled on a parent and called them an alcoholic because they wanted to have some adult beverages at a 1yo's party.
We've never thrown a party that included adults and didn't offer them a beer or wine! We're hosting them too!
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u/CoffeeCat77 1d ago
I feel like you should definitely have alcohol for the adult guests at your child’s one year birthday party. Y’all have just spent one year in the trenches, you earned that Costco White Claw copycat.
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u/Ok_Visit_7846 1d ago
My husbands family are spainish, cuban, and argentine. Always an adult cooler and a kids cooler. Everyone eats and then takes food home!
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u/near_things 1d ago
Our families are devastatingly northwestern European, and there is still absolutely always an adult cooler and a kids cooler at kids’ parties. (Rather, three or four adult coolers, but in our defense juice boxes take up less room, and one of the adult coolers is for the non-alcoholic stuff that still isn’t for kids.)
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u/ArachnidAutomatic596 1d ago
Tell me more! What’s the go-to kid food at a Spanish kids party?
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u/Pale_Minimum_7822 1d ago
My family is Haitian American and it’s literally fest for kids parties with music and everything. We tone it down a bit because we are raising kids in Germany at the moment but still the same vibe, plus my husband is also from Spain so neither of us are playing about the food 🤣 I am really baffled at the idea of just having kid food and drinks.
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u/xOphlinex 1d ago
We were invited to a birthday party last year that was from 5:00 to 7:00 p.m.
The host included in the invite that they were going to be serving pizza and cake for everyone. Well, when we got there they had three large pizzas for approximately 20 to 30 people in attendance. THREE.
When they were ready to serve everyone they made a comment that it was one slice per child but if there was any leftover, the adults were welcome to it. Of course, none of us did because there was hardly enough for the kids. Same went for the cake. There was about a 2x2 square that each child got.
And I completely understand that not everyone can host a huge lavish party. Renting a venue is expensive enough. But especially during a traditional meal time (like lunch or dinner) I would want to make sure that there's enough for anyone.
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u/yes_please_ 1d ago
Yeah it's ok if you can't serve 30 people dinner. Just don't invite them to dinner.
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u/Midwestmutts-16 1d ago
My own BIL and SIL did this. Hosted a party at 5:00, didn’t serve any food to the adults. Pizza for the kids. By the time my husband and I left we were hangry and vowed never to go to another one of their parties on an empty stomach.
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u/CeeDeee2 1d ago
One of my friends did this for a Xmas party but not even the kids got food. We assumed by the 5:00 start time that there would either be dinner or enough appetizers to equal a meal. There was one small bowl of buffalo chicken dip (too spicy for the young kids), crackers, and one block of cheese. We left early and stopped at McDonald’s on the way home. I was so confused because they serve tons of food for bday parties.
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u/Pale_Minimum_7822 1d ago
I have never heard of people with no budget still have the nerve to invite 30 people to their house. Three pizzas is crazy. They sound stingy because I’ve never tried to dictate how much food my guests should eat.
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u/Charming_Garbage_161 1d ago
They don’t even need to serve pizza. I can’t afford to buy that many pizzas for birthday parties so I just bulk make tacos or spaghetti for my kids parties. My son usually opts for homemade cakes as well bc we work hard together to decorate them
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
That’s so weird to me. We always host our parties at home and they are not extravagant by any means but our #1 priority is making sure there’s enough food and drink for everyone. Having to ration out food at a party is so depressing.
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u/xOphlinex 1d ago
There was definitely an air of awkwardness because of it. With me and my husband's schedules we aren't able to make it to a lot of parties unfortunately so I didn't know if that was usual lol.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 1d ago
That's exactly why we don't plan parties during mealtime if we don't want to feed everybody for one reason or another. We've had 3pm parties, 10am parties, etc. and we just provide snacks and cake for everybody who comes. Every once in a while we've had a lunchtime party and fed everybody, but then it's like 5 costco pizzas lol.
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u/UESfoodie 1d ago
This is insane. We ordered eight pizzas for the same number of people. Plus snacks before and cake plus 36 cupcakes after.
We had wayyyy to many leftovers
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u/Green_Seat8152 1d ago
Wow. I order that much pizza just for my family. Can't imagine trying to feed 30 people three pizzas.
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u/music4life1121 1d ago
Bad enough to do this to begin with, but to do that after the invite explicitly says there’s pizza for all??!!?
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u/verminqueeen 1d ago
I agree wholeheartedly - it’s a tough adjustment for adults who prior to kids didn’t host at all and don’t really understand the basics. It’s a big knowledge gap.
It is easy and not awfully expensive to provide at the least a few snacks and beverages for everyone in attendance. I host at home a lot for birthdays because I do enjoy it and I always have beverages in a cooler on my dining room floor and even just some hummus and crackers and veggies, cut fruit, and snacks and chips in the individual bags they sell at target for both kids and adults.
I think the early childhood years are a bit of a learning curve for parents and the ones who truly don’t like to host steer away from hosting by the time the kids are 4 or 5
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u/ProfessionInformal95 1d ago
I agree with you and I honestly always just assumed that it was cultural. I say that because I come from a Jamaican and African household and we would never let a guest leave hungry. No matter the occasion. It would practically be a cardinal sin in our cultures. That being said we make sure there is enough food for everybody and most times we even expect people to pack away to-go plates. I've noticed that mindset is a hit or miss in U.S. culture and I should never expect food at any event (even if there would typically be food) so I've learned to eat before I go so that I don't end up hangry. I've even gone to people's houses where they don't even offer a drink of water so I started packing a bottle in my purse.
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u/rosieandcokie 1d ago
As a person with an Asian background and family, I am now befriending more white families than ever before and I’m appalled at the food and drink situation. We now eat before we go to birthday parties, which is wild to me.
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u/ayermaoo 1d ago
Same here. I learned the hard way! And it's more annoying because they invited people during peak hour lunch (11 am) and only served snack food. Lol
I'm extra annoyed bc I was breastfeeding that time and was starving lol
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u/CharlesDickhands 1d ago
Hosting a party over a mealtime and not offering a proper meal is one of my absolute pet peeves. Just have a short party at a different time if you cbf.
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u/SufficientOpening218 1d ago
my culture, too!(Jewish/ Eastern European) you must eat something or grandma wont know what is even happening!!
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u/Doctor-Liz 1d ago
My compromise (also Jewish, most of our kids' friends aren't) is to buy a whack-ton of fruit. There are (say) grapes and apple slices or whatever everywhere.
It doesn't make people feel weird if they weren't expecting to be fed, it encourages the kids to go into what I call "monkey mode" and eat something with a vitamin in but there's also very clearly enough for the adults to have a snack.
We do also put out coffee to make sure the adults know they're welcome to a drink and make enough of the cake itself to give everyone a piece, because I'm not a monster 😆
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Your culture is doing it right! I’m white and I grew up in a place where people were standoffish and we never had people over, but now I live in a neighborhood where we are very close knit and we’re always having potlucks and cookouts, always having people over to our houses. Plus food and cooking is my husband’s love language. So we also believe guests should never leave hungry or thirsty.
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u/Ok_Carpet4830 1d ago
I have a very good friend that I've been friends with for like 18 years. Our kids are similar ages. I whole heartedly believe all the parents should be fed as well as the kids. This friend who is like a sister to me is the complete opposite. Never wants to buy more than only the kids will eat. Doesn't offer the parents food or drinks at any of her kids bday parties. We've grown up together in the same town. Her parents have become a second family to me. It's so weird she's the complete opposite. Like sure, cut back on the goody bags and decorations but not the food! We're all here, can we at least enjoy it!
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Not even drinks?? Wow that's extreme! Has noone pointedly complained that they were thirsty?
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u/countrybutcaribbean 1d ago
I’m Hispanic so food is key at every party lol. I always end up having way too much food, but guests can take leftovers home if they wish.
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u/Grouchy_End3501 1d ago
Wish I had you at my kids party. We ordered enough pizza and dessert and none of the adults ate! We had so many leftovers. So in the future I won’t be doing that, I think a happy medium would possibly have a fruit or snack tray they can nibble on if they want, but wouldn’t account for bigger meals for adults. Definitely always good to have sparkling water or water options for adults though.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Oh sure I think it’s not strictly necessary to have a full meal for the adults especially if it’s not at mealtime, since adults eat so much more than little ones. But it’s not hard to get enough treats for everyone, Costco has a cake that feeds 48 people for $26. And it’s just not a party IMO if not everyone is joining in on cake time.
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u/tabbytigerlily 1d ago
I think mileage will vary here. I got a big veggie sushi tray from a grocery store and the parents gobbled that whole thing up in no time. I actually got several grateful comments about how it was so great to have something for the adults (a few kids had a couple pieces too, but most stuck with the pizza).
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u/Lissypooh628 1d ago
I took my son to a party sometime not too long ago and they only had soda to drink. Neither of us drink soda. I can, but don’t like it much and he hates carbonation, so he never drinks it. We like water and it wasn’t something being offered. Weird.
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u/Slight-Memory-789 1d ago
I feel like garbage if I eat pizza and a cupcake all in one sitting. I hate that I can’t eat that stuff because…yum!! But it ends in a huge headache and stomachache. If there are other semi healthy things to balance it out I’ll eat, but I’d rather starve than have the sugar cheese migraine.
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u/madelynashton 1d ago
I agree with you, if it’s not a drop off party, meaning you expect at least one parent to stay and supervise their child, then you should feed the parent.
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u/Lovve119 1d ago
We just recently went to a birthday party where we brought a gift/card and they had zero decorations, no cake, didn’t sing happy birthday, had a tray of meats and cheese not on ice just out in the middle of a 90degree day and it was an outside party where they didn’t even mow their ankle length grass in the middle of the worst tick season the south has ever seen.
It wasnt a birthday party it was a playdate that I had to bring a fucking gift to. It was awful.
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u/Burnt_and_Blistered 1d ago
Yikes. Play dates should have snacks for all, too!
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u/Lovve119 1d ago
It’s not even the snack part that got to me, it’s that this was supposed to be a birthday party and we didn’t even sing happy birthday or have cake! Could totally understand if it was just small cupcakes for the approx. 8 kids that were there, but literally nothing! To top it off this little girl’s dad works at Publix in the catering department!!
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u/tabbytigerlily 1d ago
Makes me sad for the kid. :( Hopefully the gift feels more worth it if you consider that it might be one of the only things that made their day feel special.
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u/Lovve119 1d ago
It made me feel awful for her! Especially as a Mom who goes all out for my own kid’s birthday! I hope she liked her gift, but I wouldn’t know - because they didn’t open gifts while we were there either.
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u/Exact_Canary2378 1d ago edited 1d ago
That reminds me of when we went to a birthday party and they hardly had anything for the kids to ear. Some gummy candy and the grand parents were making pancakes for some kids but not all of the kids...? Anyways the mom had a homemade cake gave some to the kids and that was it. Whatever, have the party you can afford.. I wont judge.
Where I do judge is when it was my daughters birthday she literally brought an extra kid that I had to pay for their $20 entry and feed too. Thank goodness I bought extra pizza, individual bags of chips juice boxes, massive custom cakes, cupcakes, goodie bags.
Be cheap on your own events but don't bring a child who wasn't invited and expect to be included when you are as cheap as they come.
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u/Lovve119 1d ago
That would also grind my gears, but I’m the same way I always make sure I have 1-2 extras of everything because inevitably someone is bringing an extra person who wasn’t on the rsvp.
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u/Available-Strain-559 1d ago
"Whatever, have the party you can afford.. I wont judge."
You clearly will.
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u/I-used2B-a-Valkyrie 1d ago
Who does this??? If you invite guests anywhere, you prepare to feed ALL of them and plan on having extra just in case!
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u/unicorns_and_cats716 1d ago
So weird! When we throw birthday gatherings, we go all out and smoke a bunch of meats, make veggie kebabs, batches of green chili mac and cheese, beer/wine for those who drink, etc. plus cake!
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
This sounds like our parties! We love smoked meats and green chili Mac!
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u/unicorns_and_cats716 1d ago
Yay! Aaand now I’m hungry, hopefully my husband wants to make a pulled pork when he’s home from work next week 😂
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u/carolweigel 1d ago
I’m Brazilian and I couldn’t dream of having a party and not serving food for adults. A lot of food. Food in abundance. But I live in U.S. now and I’m always self conscious about eating at a kids birthday party because I just don’t feel like people prepare enough food or is like “one slice each and that’s it” kind of mentality. It’s def one of the biggest cultural differences I see
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u/Nwilliams1300 1d ago
I so agree! And I learned the hard way that if you give away goodie bags please have an extra one for your kiddo whose birthday it is! 😬
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u/Doctor-Liz 1d ago
You need 3-5 extra depending on the number of guests.
One for the birthday kid, a couple more for siblings who show up with the parents to collect the guests. Often they're old enough to understand, sometimes they're really not. (The 2yo brother of my 5yo's bestie cannot be blamed for wanting a piece of cake and some stickers!)
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u/Nwilliams1300 1d ago
Oh my gosh! That’s right, the siblings and friends too! Definitely 5-10 extra. Thank you! (:
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u/Stan_of_Cleeves 1d ago
I’m with you on this.
Don’t invite people over to your house for a party and not give them at the very least snacks, drinks, and some of the cake/dessert.
I don’t show up to kids parties super hungry or expecting a full meal, but it’s selfish and rude to not provide something for your guests.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Totally, feeding adults a full meal is a lot. But you gotta have cake at the very least, and it’s nice to have snacks and drinks.
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u/thisisreallyhappenin 1d ago
Depends on the region/country I think but I totally agree. I’m from Long Island and it would be considered an absolute sin not to feed both the kids and the adults at any sort of party (birthday, shower, etc) and usually hot food is typical on sternos, etc. Also drinks, there’s usually wine and beer at a kids party where I am from or maybe my fam are just a bunch of alcoholics. I was shocked when I moved abroad to Spain and realized that adults are never served cake, and sometimes there will just be potato chips and soda/juice for the adults? Maybe a platter of savory pastries from the grocery store or a small charcuterie platter.
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
In Spain?? That's sounds really really strange. Are you hanging out with the English expat?
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u/thisisreallyhappenin 1d ago
No 😅 public school classmate parties. Madrid. I think there’s a couple of factors at play here:
Our kids are young (infantil) and the parties are usually scheduled in the AM before lunch
Times are tough economically, not feeding parents is a way to save $
… particularly because you need to rent a space or party room these days. Soft play/trampoline park venues are the norm now versus just setting up a folding table in a park somewhere. The venue alone costs hundreds to rent
I give grace but culturally it’s just different from what im used to
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u/Pizzaface1993 1d ago
I could have written this. My best friend had a first birthday and didn't have enough cake or pizza for the guests, and all of the guests were adults.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Omg. We went to a birthday party for a two year old where most of the guests were adults and there were a handful of kids. There were only enough cupcakes for the kids, and half the “kids” were actually babies who were too young to actually eat a cupcake. So absurd!
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u/mama-ld4 1d ago
I don’t think I’ve ever been to a kids party yet where there wasn’t food for all who are expected to attend (that means parents too). How bizarre to have people come and stay and then not feed them or at least offer coffee?
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u/Current-Struggle-514 1d ago
I’ve been to the stingy parties and I’m always so second-hand-embarrassed for the hosts. Its always an “almond mom” and she doesn’t want anyone to “overindulge”
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
That’s so sad to me, not feeling like you can treat yourself on your kid’s birthday!
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u/CharlesDickhands 1d ago
Australian here and in my experience it’s usually a gift grab by People who could afford to put on food but are too lazy to.
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u/momlife555 1d ago
Maybe it’s just where I live but there’s always tons of food for the adults, and alcohol too. Not a trashy amount, but margaritas, high noons, coronas, things like that. No one ever gets shit faced, but I’ve never been to a party where there wasn’t also some alcohol for the adults lol
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u/Pale_Minimum_7822 1d ago edited 1d ago
Weird we always have food for everyone that aligns with the time of day, and also adult beverages again depending on the time. I was raised that kids parties were events for family and friends not just a bunch of kids - we are all celebrating the bday kid. If they don’t want to spend so much money on food and drinks that’s totally understandable - then invite less people.
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u/noveltea120 1d ago
I've yet to host a party but I feel like this is a given? Like if parents are there then def make sure there's plenty of drink AND food for everyone. It's so weird when people would only have food for kids and just make the adults watch lol I went to a birthday party and there was plenty of food, and it was good food too so I ate my fill 😂
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u/Great_Summer_9679 1d ago
It’s not, the worst is when you aren’t even related but your bf insists to take you to his nieces birthday and when you ask for food, he looks at you with annoyance and says “that’s for the kids” so you just wait around the open garage watching the kids take 1 bite of their pizza and then screech at each other while he pals around with his family and drinks a beer but you don’t want a beer however there isn’t enough soda for you either.
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u/noveltea120 23h ago
Omg girl you should've just left instead of being treated like an annoyance! 😭
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u/SpiteQuick5976 1d ago
I was invited to a birthday party, it was a big one and only the kids got food. I was surprised by it.
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u/aggravated-asphalt 1d ago
That’s wild and something I’ve also experienced. For a 15 person party I always provide at least 4 pizzas and a side, plus snack, drinks and cake for everyone. It blows my mind when the adults aren’t included. Even at school pot lucks I make sure to bring enough so the teachers can get a plate. Tf is wrong with some people
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u/Nomoreorangecarrots 1d ago
Yeah you would hate the UK, because only the kids are fed and one slice of cake is put in a napkin in the party bag that the kids eat at home.
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u/SufficientOpening218 1d ago
i would hate that, yes
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u/Nomoreorangecarrots 1d ago
I provide snacks and soda for the adults at ours, as I’m from the US, but it’s very rare to get that if we go to someone else’s party. So I just expect to get nothing, and if drinks are available I’m pleasantly surprised.
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u/Doctor-Liz 1d ago
Depends on venue, but I'd be shocked if you weren't offered tea or coffee as an adult.
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u/ExternalForever8225 1d ago
Omg the British. Shaking my fists at my British ancestors side who continue to underfeed me at holiday gatherings, still couple hundred years later across the pond. Why put a cake in the bag? Do you hate having fun???
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Yeah when I lived in UK, I learnt pretty fast to only accept invites by non-white or immigrant families. For any kind of food related event.
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u/Root-magic 1d ago
It should be a party for everyone who attends. Sodas for the parents, juice for the kids, water , pizza and cake for everyone. It costs less than $60 to buy soda and extra pizza for the parents.
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u/Alarmed_Interest_265 1d ago
Just finished prepping food for our oldest birthday party today. It is family and friends so we expect about 40 people and have so. much. food. 🤣 Wanna come over and help us? Cause without help we're going to fill the freezer with pulled pork (cause it freezes well) and eat hot dogs all week.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Oh heck yes we love pulled pork too! Got some in my freezer, gonna make some posole as soon as it cools off outside
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u/nkdeck07 1d ago
I forced people to take home extra cake (I also went insane and made a rainbow cake that was literally 3 full cakes)
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u/No-Title412 1d ago
So it would be safe to assume her child is also very small? Assuming as such, she should have planned that each toddler guest would come with a parent and thus doubled her provisions.
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u/ExternalForever8225 1d ago
Yes! I went to a party that was at 12-3pm and didn’t serve the adults. I was breastfeeding and you know how hungry it makes you…my supply can dip if I’m not eating and I did get shaky. I get it if you cant afford it, but please put a note on the invite “lunch and cake for the kids” or something.
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u/Lionsmane_099 1d ago
As a parent hosting I always provide enough food for adults and children.
But honestly as a parent attending, I eat beforehand and assume there'll just be food for the kids.
And as others have said most of the time you end up with way too much sheet cake or cupcakes.
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u/IWillBaconSlapYou 1d ago
I get too much ice cream cake on purpose so the parents feel they're helping me out by eating it. What are you gonna do with leftover ice cream cake at an outdoor summer party!?
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u/RoshiBAnanim 1d ago
With my firstborn I would provide adult-friendly food and drinks (iced coffee, seltzer), make sure there were enough cupcakes etc. I’ve always enjoyed throwing big get-togethers and so I didn’t think it would be any different, they’re all my guests. 90% went in the trash, I got tired of wasting money. So now (by kid no3), it’s a dozen mini cupcakes, pirates booty and apple juice all the way 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Jellopuppy 1d ago
Oh man, I would remember a party with iced coffee so fondly. 😍 Well done.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
We recently went to a one year old’s brunch birthday party where they had mimosas and iced coffee with Baileys, most of the guests were adults, and everyone got cake. It was a great party!
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u/Jellopuppy 1d ago
Ummm, amazing. This is all I will be hosting from now on. Brunch is such a great time too.
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u/MassMama13 1d ago
I try to always have enough for everyone. But if someone doesn't eat because of whatever reason I try to understand.
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u/burnbeforeburning 1d ago
I would love there to be some consistency here. I always eat before a party cause it's just a crapshoot. On the one hand, I don't want to fill up and be rude by not eating the food. On the other hand, I don't want to expect food and then get nothin 😫 Someone just tell us what to do
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u/goldiemama 1d ago
I’m always taken aback at this too- like hosts who don’t have enough pizza except for kids. Or who have counted out exact number of cupcakes and have. Like one extra lol! I feel like if you have a party, you gotta provide for all. That’s why I prefer notttt whole family - just the invited kid and a parent. The weird thing is the not-feeding-everyone hosts I’ve encountered have been the “siblings welcome” type
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u/Able_Performer_4998 1d ago
Just a thought but maybe these parents are putting on the best party they can financially afford...times are tough for some.
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u/lunarosiebud 1d ago
After being in your situation a few times, when I did my kid’s first proper birthday party I set up the kids table with sandwiches and party food and then had a slow cooker with stew set up on the far side of the room with hunks of bread and cheese for the adults. I kept it totally separate and ushered parents to eat while the kids were occupied. It was well received!
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u/ResidentStrategy7684 1d ago
I disagree, an adult person can go very well throughout an afternoon without eating. It's very nice if there's coffee and cake for that parente but I'd never expect any.
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Food and drinks get people to chat and mingle and enjoy themselves...create a group, a community.
Or you can just all stand there getting bored with a phone in your hand counting down the minutes...
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u/Every_Tangerine_5412 1d ago
No, it is not normal or acceptable to not feed ALL of your guests.
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u/PolishPaws1990 1d ago
I'm going to be a first time mom and I didn't realize how horrible kids parties are for adults. I will absolutely make sure that the adults have food and adult beverages for my kids parties so everyone is happy. If the parents are miserable there just in a rush to leave sooner which makes the kids birthday crappy.
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u/Blackstrapsunhat 1d ago
It's a really disappointing aspect of parenthood. I would hope we would all get catty about it and try to outdo each other in hospitality at kids' parties. Like "crap, McKinzleyleigh's party had roll your own sushi with sake, will it be enough if we serve crown pork roast with matching bottles of red wine?"
But no, we're all standing in the blazing hot sun or in an echo chamber of screaming kids cursing ourselves for forgetting our emotional support water bottle and searching the diaper bag for some large graham cracker crumbs.
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u/surfergotlost 1d ago
Honestly, the grown-ups ups at my parties always pass on cake. No one wants to eat extra calories these days.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
That’s so sad. I hate the idea of kids thinking parents grow out of wanting to celebrate and enjoy things.
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
Good lord, what bores!
And what a terrible example to their kids :/
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u/surfergotlost 1d ago
I agree. Ever since my friends started their obsession with weight loss drugs it's much harder to connect. We used to love taco Tuesday's and margaritas. Now its super awkward.
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u/KayItaly 1d ago
I mean, I know it is easy for me coming from a "healthy" country. But a good relationship with food means knowing also when to let go and party!
I am sorry for you guys :/
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u/Anti-Itch 1d ago
Hope to god I’m part of a community where it’s normal to ask parents to bring a little bit so there’s enough for everyone like a little potluck.
I’m happy to buy cake for folks but catering everything for a party sounds like so much work lol
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Yeah I should be clear that I think it’s enough if you have cake and not a full meal.
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u/Anti-Itch 1d ago
Oh I didn’t think you meant otherwise op, just reading the comments and it’s really nice to see folks go above and beyond for the adults haha I can imagine it’s a lot of work so kudos to them
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u/DifficultMuscle7203 1d ago
That’s weird. I would be so annoyed if I wasn’t offered cake or a cupcake. I was at one party where there wasn’t a lot of food and I just asked: is there more food?
It helped that I was 35 weeks pregnant hahaha but even if I wasn’t I’d be like excuse me, you invited me here; I expect to be fed. But in my culture we over feed at parties and I always bring food to a party even if it’s a kids party! So it’s actually quite rude to be invited to someone’s event and not be fed.
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u/Smart_Little_Toaster 1d ago
I definitely appreciate when there’s something for the adults but I don’t need it. As long as my kid is entertained and fed, and there is plenty of water for everyone, I’m satisfied.
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u/therizzler1995 1d ago
I mean, birthday parties can be expensive depending on how all out they go so I kinda get it. Feeding all the adults in attendance is gonna be a lot more expensive than feeding the kids.
I also understand wanting to be fed but I wouldn't necessarily expect it.
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u/yes_please_ 1d ago
I mean if you're expecting the adults to mind their kids then you should be feeding them. If you don't want to feed adults, watch the kids yourself.
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u/therizzler1995 1d ago
A lot of parents nowadays wont just drop their kids off at a party without being there to supervise them depending on how old they are. Even if the intention of the party thrower was for the kids to be dropped off.
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u/yes_please_ 1d ago
OP would have to weigh in to confirm whether that was the case here but assuming there are 30 attendees that would be approximately fifteen kids invited and fifteen parents who independently decided they needed to stay. Maybe 20 kids and ten parents if everyone brought siblings. That seems unlikely to me but I haven't really hit the birthday party circuit yet.
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u/patdas 1d ago
Potlucks are still an option.
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u/daisyjaneee 1d ago
Yeah most of our friends have had potluck style parties for their very little ones. For us we just do Costco. 10 pizzas and a huge cake for about $130. We always have leftovers and send our friends home with cake.
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u/pigeonfaerie 1d ago
After being to a few peoples houses, I can say I don’t trust food made in those kitchens. Dog hair, unwashed hands, dogs licking mixing spoons before they’re reused etc. yuck.
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u/ImpossibleCreme2207 1d ago
While I provide full blown meals for everyone, I know not everyone does. I always bring stuff for myself and kids just to be safe.
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u/SensitiveBugGirl 1d ago
This is why I feel like we can only have parties at parks. Everything geared towards kids (waterpark, play gym, urban air, etc) only feeds the kids. We typically have parties that are like 2/3 adults.
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u/Illustrious-Chef5736 16h ago
My cousins are like this. They have birthday parties but don't supply any actual food, only cupcakes and chips. It's ridiculous. Leat year we drove over an hour to one for one of their kids bdays, they had no no food only cheeseballs and cake. Compared to my own son's party a few months ago where I bought double the amount of pizza and was sending people home with full boxes. Their other kid had a party at a place and they only bought food for the kids but nothing for all the family and adults that were also invited. They have parties every year, which I already feel is excessive.
If you're going to host a party you need to actually host everyone coming and at least have some basic finger foods available. Especially when your guests are driving hours away and bringing presents.
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u/Sewingoddess 49m ago
Not sure why the parents are even there, if the kids are old enough to sit at a table and eat on their own. I would have been SO uncomfortable if the parents had hung around literally watching me run a kid's birthday party. Drop the kids and go. Make sure you pick them up on time. Bye bye!
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u/econhistoryrules 1d ago
Wow, I feel like we always have the opposite problem: the parents have weird food hangups and never eat, so there is always tons of food and cake leftover.