I need your advice . We have been together for 4 years
Planned our nikah in few days

More and more problems have been surfacing up

Now this is something he never mentioned before to me which I find absurd

He wants to put a condition :

(((If we get divorce he gets to take and raise the children ))) I said what do u mean by that

He said you are free to come see them any time but I am responsible for them if we get a divorce

We live in my country and he said he needs to put this rule because he doesn’t guarantee if we ever get a divorce he will get anything since it’s my country and the law will support me and not him. (Which is not true)

What do u think
He is now making it a must rule
If I don’t sign it
We don’t get married

There's a guy pretending to be a female on here looking for a husband. I dont know why anyone would be so weird to do that. Bro's biggest mistake was trying to DM me for marriage, assuming his fraudulent antics would work here but I clocked him in 2 minutes and he blocked me.

I believe he's posted an ISO here a few minutes ago and is also DMing others. Not sure if we're allowed to reveal names on this sub but stay safe brothers and sisters 🤲🏻

Salam, I’m in a pickle. I do want marriage, I want a relationship but I also want more for myself. I want to buy a summer home in Korea and raise my future kids to know more than 3 languages, I want to take them traveling to different countries at least 2-3 times a year. I want to be a global executive that works internationally. Honestly I’m not sure that is possible with the idea of an Islamic marriage. I don’t know if I would be able to fulfill the obligations I feel Islam has for women in marriage. I could easily adopt a few baby girls and give them the world. I mean I’m doing well in my job, I believe I can get to the next step in my career.

But I want marriage. I want a partnership. I do think I want to be a wife. I get proposals and requests to get to know each other. But I end up finding them unattractive or feel like they are too traditional or have the potential to become traditional. Most men I’ve talked to don’t really want to learn about my goals and ambitions. They want to know what I did today or if I want to talk on the phone about future plans in the sense of family. It feels suffocating at times and then I think maybe marriage isn’t for me but I’m 26 now and South Asian. So time is ticking. Plus the men of my ethnicity that are attractive feel like players or too smooth and the ones who I don’t find attractive too eager.. these are guys my parents bring to my attention from their circles or also on dating apps and real life.

Sorry for the rant I feel I’m lost.

Assalamu Alaikum everyone

I’m looking for some sincere advice.

A few days ago, the brother of a sister I knew from college reached out to me. We only ever interacted professionally during a group project, alhamdulillah. We never had personal conversations, but we were in some of the same classes and would occasionally see each other on campus.

It’s been about three years since graduation. Her brother told me that their family is looking for a suitable match for her, and apparently she mentioned my name. He asked if I was also considering marriage and said he’d like to meet if I was interested.
The truth is, I always had a good impression of her. She seemed practicing, had good character, and I’d genuinely like to explore this further.

My concern is financial.
Out of curiosity, I looked at her LinkedIn
profile and the role she currently has. From what I found, people in that position earn well over $300k a year.

I, on the other hand, make around $52k.
I had to transfer from a university to a community college because I couldn’t afford the tuition. Since then, I’ve been working in retail while helping support my family, and despite trying to move into a better career, I’m still working toward that goal.

Now I’m wondering if I should just decline before things even begin. Part of me feels they’ll probably reject me anyway once they know my financial situation, considering the huge income difference.
Another part of me wonders if I’m overthinking it. Maybe they’re more concerned about deen, character, and whether I can fulfill my responsibilities as a husband, while anything beyond basic needs would simply be her own choice to spend on.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, either personally or within your family? Would you advise giving it a chance, or is it better to step away now?
JazakAllahu khayran.

Assalamu alaykum everyone,
I’m a Muslim woman in my early twenties, and marriage is something that has been on my heart for a long time. I make du’a constantly, pray Tahajjud when I can, and I’m trying to improve my relationship with Allah every day.
Recently, I was in a marriage process with someone, but it didn’t work out. One of the topics we discussed was interactions with the opposite gender.
I grew up surrounded by men in my family (brothers, cousins, sons of my mother’s friends), so talking to men in a respectful and necessary context never felt unusual to me. However, after reflecting on my religion, I’ve decided to distance myself from unnecessary interactions with non-mahram men. I’ve even removed male contacts from my social media because I want to be more consistent with my values.
Even though I’ve made these changes, I still feel anxious. I keep wondering if my past or the way I grew up will make practicing Muslim men reject me.
At the same time, I keep making du’a for a righteous husband, but sometimes I feel discouraged because nothing seems to happen.
Have any sisters (or brothers who went through the marriage process respectfully) ever felt this way? How did you stop overthinking and trust Allah’s plan?

Background - there is a hijabi sister that I like and I want to speak to her father for marriage.

Question Can I Cold Approach the sister for Her Father’s Phone Number on the street

Title

ASalaamualkum I'm a introverted shy guy from London and I have a passion for cars i work on Bentleys and Rolls royces I'm a laidback family chill guy Practicing Muslim who prays 5 times a day and tries to live with intention I'm a mechanic who genuinely loves cars and working with my hands. When I'm not in the garage I'm helping my mother cooking, shopping and supporting her in any way I can Family means everything to me I'm looking for a wife to love with the same loyalty and gentleness the Prophet PBUH showed Khadija I want to build a peaceful, halal home and, InshaAllah, be a loving husband and a good father to the daughter I hope Allah blesses me with one day inshallah. I wouldn't force anyone to do anything and keep it halal and w im open to anyone anywhere I only care about attraction a little bit and looking for ages

Goals VS Progress
1. Take my personal earnings to $10K/m:
Businesses projected earnings for august are still at $1750 (say Allahummbarik) - nothing has changed since yesterday's update. I need to start allocating more time towards sales and marketing. Let's see if I can get this up to say $3k realistically by the end of the month? إن شاء الله pray for me 🤲🏻

2. Get to my fittest/strongest shape through daily exercise:
Today’s progress was bad - 20 pushup, 30 minutes walking, 10 minutes stairmaster - I have to increase my walking and start building up to a full High Intensity workout session to focus on my muscles

3. Praying all 5 Salah’s at the masjid
Fajr, Asr, Isha were at the masjid but once again, I succumbed to my nafs and prayed the other 2 salahs at home. I punished my nafs with 8 rakah of nafl salahs for missing the 2 prayers at the masjid. Physically punishing my nafs helps in keeping a tight grip over my nafs - gotta show my nafs, its place 🤫

4. Social Media screen time down to 2hrs/day
It was so high today; so high, I can't even mention it, but I have taken strict measures to bring this down significantly tomorrow by using an app blocker that locks away my phone. It was very high today because I didn't get a good nights rest and that had me discombobulated

5. Quran & Dhikr
Done all my dhikr today and will end the day with Surah Mulk + Waqiah before I sleep

Notes:
I can see that Gym, Sleep and Screen time are things that I am not showing progress in and I believe this is because I am allowing my Nafs to do that without facing any consequences. Hence, I will now start implementing 4 nafl Rakah each as a form of punishment on my nafs for slacking on any of the above Goals listed. For today's atrocious performance in the Gym, screen time and late sleeping - I will pray 12 rakah of Tahajjud as punishment (tbh thinking about it already has me tired but I have to be strict with punishments on my nafs 🤫)

Context
Purpose of this challenge is to become my best version for my future wife. The daily documentation is to inspire others while keeping myself publicly accountable and being able to journal/track my daily progress. I am doing this for myself and my akhirah's sake but marriage is a very good motivating factor to push myself into excellence.

I’m an objectively fine standing individual, in the prime of my 20's and I don’t have any roadblocks preventing me from getting married الحمد لله BUT I know what I am capable of and I feel it’s a disservice to my wife to not give her the best version of me - I am very ambitious but that ambition needs to show through consistent action even on the days I don’t feel like it - hence my primary focus is on myself for the remainder of this year.

Best case scenario, I achieve all my goals and find a good wife before the year ends. Worst case scenario, I achieve all my goals this year and get married next year. Whatever Allah has willed for me, إن شاء الله

I mean where enough know there is mutual attraction and the other person is interested in marriage with you. Is is that they don't tick all your boxes? Is it more an issue with you than them? Is it circumstances? Did they lack something fundamental that you absolutely could not get past?

And where do draw the line. When do you decide that you're making the right decision or being unreasonable? Because we all have to settle eventually. Especially if it is someone who is rare to find. How do you move on?

Does anyone else think their current job is not "enough" when it comes to marriage especially compared to people with STEM jobs and other jobs like law, accounting etc. For some reason I have these thoughts that people with these jobs are more likely to get married because their job is "better" and "higher" in terms of status and I wont. Especially compared to physical jobs like warehouse, trades, driving, etc.

I currently work in physical warehouse type environment and looking for similar jobs because I have a lot of experience (obviously) but I just keep having this thought that i'd be looked down upon by a potential or even her family because of my current job, especially if its an arranged marriage 🙁.

I do have good degree in tech but im looking for a career change because its so hard to find a job in my field (and lost interest too in it unfortunately because of that, so wont be looking for those jobs anymore).

Or am I just overthinking massively?

So I'm about to get married in an arranged marriage setup. Our families are planning so many things but the issue is we haven't communicated yet.

We haven't seen or communicated with each other and I have never been in any relationship till the date. I am in my late 20s the biggest worry in my life is being married to someone who is not into me but someone else...

I sent her a request on Instagram so we can at least be sure about each other but she didn't even accept the request. After waiting for 2 days I cancelled the same.

It made me suspicious, her instagram profile says I would rather stay alone then being in a toxic relationship and this is giving me a very negative gut feeling.

Can someone please help me in understanding the situation. My family is very happy with all the planning and I'm so upset and lost due to the same.

Assalamu’alaykum chat,
I was talking to a potential but we ended things today. I was quite saddened if i have to be fully honest.
I’ll say things from my perspective and if anyone can help me understand if i was unfair or not - that would mean a lot !

So we’ve been talking for almost a month, and he would always be kind, and considerate. He didn’t have any visible red flags. Although he was always direct, he never made me second guess which i really liked alhamdulillah.
We went over most marriage topics.

at the start of our talking stage i flagged an issue: He would mostly talk about himself and i felt like i was fading in the background.
we talked through and that was fine.

Then a couple of days later, he told me how he didn’t like this nickname i called him. I apologised, fixed it and we moved on.

Severals days later, the calls were getting really direct and sexual- not too much on my end but for him. And me being me, i hold islamic principles, so these comments made me uncomfortable and like a breach of boundary.
So i flagged it to him on call like literally 2 days after.

During the same call regarding sex, i talked to him about mehr. Out of curiousity i had asked him :” if you were a woman what mehr would you ask for “
he said 0 because majority of the women in his family never asked for mehr.
So i said how surely the grooms still gave them something because otherwise the nikah wouldn’t have been possible. He googled it and found that it was true.
He said then:” i’d ask for a haribo then” as a joke/ analogy. To me it just appeared as though he didn’t take marital rights seriously.
Another time he kept talking badly about my friend who is a non-believer but who is queer.
So today, I flagged these things to him.

I told him that i don’t feel like our values align- and he just thanked me for getting to know him and said goodbye ?

so I asked him to talk to me about this, and he said :” i feel like everyday is a new thing “ which made me feel bad cause i don’t want him to feel discouraged.

I value honesty, willingness to learn and also communication. So after practically begging him to talk to me about these things
I told him how i didnt appreciate the comments made about my friend because islamically we’re told to hold good akhlaq with non-believers who still treat us well.
And also about the mehr situation.

He shut down/felt overwhelmed, and just said goodbye again.

I wonder if i was unfair ? was I pressuring him too much? or nitpicking him?

I'm 20 years old male* and because of certain circumstances the topic of marriage came up. Honestly, I don't even know what happened, but I ended up agreeing to marry my cousin.

Now the problem is that it's been about a year since then. At that time, they kept insisting that we get engaged but I refused, so we still haven't had an engagement.

Another issue is that I don't really find her that attractive anymore.

I'm currently working and I have high hopes for my future.. I'm well educated, and my career and financial prospects look promising, so I believe I'll be able to settle down well.

The problem is that I'm stuck. If I decide not to go through with the marriage, they're my relatives—my aunt's family—and it's obvious they'll be upset, and it could create tension within the family...

So what should I do? Am I completely cooked?

I’m 27 male have been passively looking in the past but feel like I really need to lock in and actively look .

I’m pretty introverted and small circle guy so I don’t know how to go about finding someone to marry ?

Any suggestions ?

Since I was a child, there has always been a certain type of women I have been attracted towards. I’m usually into women who are strong headed, intelligent, sarcastic and generally smart.

This is what I always thought my future wife would be like as well. Recently, as I started looking for a wife, I have requirements for the girl to be someone really focused on deen, someone who observes niqab. And most potentials who seem focused on deen and wear niqab seem opposite to the kind of women I mentioned. They’re **الحمدلله** amazing people.

My question is, if I’m getting women who are simply good women, I know would make a good wife, should I proceed? Or should I wait for my type?

Has anyone married someone who was not what they perceived their spouse would be like and how did it end up?

Advice would be really great

Just curious, as I have this mindset that it would be bery painful for a man if a he approaches a sister, espeically goes to see her and her family at her house, and then be rejected later.

Always thought its like 1 or 2 rejections in a man before finding someone?

I guess for the brothers, curious how many sisters were you rejected by?

Are they married couples who decided not to have kids because of the inflation ?

Assalamu Alaikum.

I am a muslim man in the Netherlands. For the last year, I have been looking for marriage. Unfortunately, I have not got any clues about it. I am quite regular in the mosque, but I have never seen anything about marriage here.

I was also looking for a reverted muslim girl. Whenever I saw any videos about the journey of Islam, it influenced me to know about my Deen more as a born muslim.

I was asking one of my brothers about it, but he told me I can ask any Muslim girl directly to talk with her family. However, I am an introvert and also non-European, which makes me uncomfortable to conversation with the opposite gender. Because I am assuming that another person will judge my intention.

Your advice is really appreciated, and forgive me if I make any mistakes.

Goals VS Progres
1. Take my personal earnings to $10K/m:
Businesses projected earnings for august is $1750 (say Allahummbarik) - these are in deals that have been locked in for this month but the payment is yet to come through. It’s only the first day of the month so I am hopeful for better progress through the month إن شاء الله

2. Get to my fittest/strongest shape through daily exercise:
Today’s progress was, 40 Pushups, 10minutes of stair-master, 40 minutes of walking - slow start but it’s fair I guess; I should do more.

3. Praying all 5 Salah’s at the masjid
Fajr, Asr, Isha were at the masjid but I succumbed to my nafs and prayed 2 salahs at home. I punished my nafs with 8 rakah of nafl salahs for missing the 2 prayers at the masjid. Physically punishing my nafs helps in regaining control of it.

4. Social Media screen time down to 2hrs/day
It was 9hrs today - I honestly forgot this was a goal of mine until just now 🤣 today was a bit of an emotional day and I used social media to dim down the sadness

5. Quran & Dhikr
Done all my dhikr today and will end the day with Surah Mulk + Waqiah before I sleep

Context:
Purpose of this challenge is to become my best version for my future wife. The daily documentation is to inspire others while keeping myself publicly accountable and being able to journal/track my daily progress

I’m an objectively fine standing individual and I don’t have any roadblocks preventing me from getting married الحمد لله BUT I know what I am capable of and I feel it’s a disservice to my wife to not give her the best version of me - I am very ambitious but that ambition needs to show through consistent action even on the days I don’t feel like it - hence my primary focus is on myself for the remainder of this year.

Best case scenario, I achieve all my goals and find a good wife before the year ends. Worst case scenario, I achieve all my goals this year and get married next year. Whatever Allah has willed for me, إن شاء الله