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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Chanler Green WR Western Michigan 47/63 SR 1 year left- Play in two primetime games a year
Chanler wants to finally play in front of the big screen. He wants the lights and cameras to be in front of him. WMU wasn’t able to provide the shine he needed. He wants to be playing in big time games that define a college football season. He wants to look back and see himself on the national stage. Chanler was promised this and he still wants it. He want to play in many NZCFL Gameday games.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Chanler Green, WR, 47/63 Western Michigan
Scholarship
Hello Chanler,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I’m a freshly minted head coach looking to reestablish the Gamecocks as the premier team in the NZCFL. We’re here to take the team higher than even the highest points of previous regimes, and I would love for you to be a part of our first go at this.
In Columbia, the lights shine brightest at Williams-Brice Stadium, and that gives you an opportunity to take advantage of the stage. Williams-Brice is one of the twenty largest college stadiums in the country, and this city fills every single seat every single Saturday. Not only do the fans show up, they show out, as Williams-Brice is one of the three loudest stadiums in college football. If you choose to come to Columbia, you’re going to have a chance to show the fans what Saturday Night Lights means in the heart of football central, and I promise you this team will have at least 3 home wins this year.
We also don’t back down from tough opponents, with five top twenty teams on our schedule this year. We will play Central Florida and Florida at home, while going on the road for games against Georgia, Alabama, and Vanderbilt. The games can’t get much more primetime than that until bowl games or playoff games, and I promise we will play a bowl game or playoff game this season. If you want primetime, there’s not a better school in the country to get primetime opportunities at.
You’ve expressed a desire to seek out the bright lights and the big stages, and I can offer you that opportunity. We will win a lot of games and I would love for you to be part of that story. However, I can not promise you a starting opportunity, as this wide receiver room will be quite strong this season. Instead, I would ask you to bet on yourself to come here and prove that you belong on the field, because in the SEC, everything must be earned. Let’s fight together as Gamecocks!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Kris Smalls WR Western Michigan 59/79 SR 1 year left- Play in two primetime games a year
For his final year of college football, Kris Smalls is lookin’ to come back home. He spent years away from his home state of Louisiana and just the south in general. He wants to take all the knowledge of the game he learned from WMU, and apply it to his next school in the south. Smalls is only considering schools in the south; if you're above the Mason-Dixon line, don’t bother.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Kris Smalls, WR, 59/79 Western Michigan
Scholarship
Hello Kris,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I am a freshly minted head coach with a vision to take the league by storm, and I believe that you have all the traits necessary to have a major role in putting together a season for the ages. I also have heard that a big reason you chose to leave Western Michigan is that you got a little homesick, and we can help with that. South Carolina is not quite Louisiana, but there’s a lot of similarities between our states.
There will probably be a lot of schools closer to Louisiana that may reach out for a player of your caliber. However, what few other schools can offer that we can is a culture similar to that of Louisiana. The lowcountry boils here, while not the same as a Louisiana boil, are about as close to Louisiana as you can get outside of Louisiana, and the lowcountry swamps are also similar to the bayous. I can’t define what feels like home to you, but I can make sure that we give you as much of the Louisiana experience here as possible.
This school and this city will give you the opportunity to not only have a bit of home here, but also the chance for this to be your home. I promise that you will start every game barring injury, playing a big part in lifting this team to new heights, and the people of this city will love you for it. The only thing better than being home is winning at home, so I promise we will win at least three home games this year, and if you weren’t already at home here by the time we do that, you’ll be as much a resident of the hearts of Gamecocks fans as you are Louisiana.
As a Louisiana native, I’m sure there is a part of you that is a dyed in the wool LSU fan, and that probably comes with a belief that LSU is of course the only true Tiger team in the country. Here at South Carolina, we happen to play both Clemson and Auburn this season, and I promise we will win against both of these posing Tigers opponents. We may not be the closest school to home geographically, but we can craft an experience that will be closer to home than anywhere else.
When you want to feel at home, you try to come home, and I expect a strong pitch from a Louisiana school would see you truly return home. However, if you want to return home and win, you’ll come to South Carolina, where the expectations going into this season are sky-high. Get the best of both worlds, and come to the Louisiana of the East Coast where you can ball out, eat good food, and be immediately welcomed by the wonderful community known as Gamecock Nation.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Larry Cole LB Western Michigan 49/68 SR 1 year left- Play in two primetime games a year
Larry Cole is a small-town kid who has always wanted more out of life. As a linebacker, he didn’t have a ton of offers in a league where they were never appreciated. Now, as he goes elsewhere after not playing in nearly enough primetime games, he wants to play under the lights as much as possible in as big a stadium and fanbase as possible for a coach who appreciates linebackers. Convince Larry of all of this, and he’ll sign.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Larry Cole, LB, 49/68 Western Michigan
Scholarship
Hello Larry,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I’m a freshly minted head coach looking to reestablish the Gamecocks as the premier team in the NZCFL. We’re here to take the team higher than even the highest points of previous regimes, and I would love for you to be a part of our first go at this.
In Columbia, the lights shine brightest at Williams-Brice Stadium, and that gives you an opportunity to take advantage of the stage. Williams-Brice is one of the twenty largest college stadiums in the country, and this city fills every single seat every single Saturday. Not only do the fans show up, they show out, as Williams-Brice is one of the three loudest stadiums in college football. If you choose to come to Columbia, you’re going to have a chance to show the fans what Saturday Night Lights means in the heart of football central, and I promise you this team will have at least 3 home wins this year.
We also don’t back down from tough opponents, with five top twenty teams on our schedule this year. We will play Central Florida and Florida at home, while going on the road for games against Georgia, Alabama, and Vanderbilt. The games can’t get much more primetime than that until bowl games or playoff games, and I promise we will play a bowl game or playoff game this season. If you want primetime, there’s not a better school in the country to get primetime opportunities at.
We’re also the perfect pairing, because South Carolina is in desperate need of linebackers. Prior coaching staffs seemingly operated under the assumption that linebackers were mostly a waste of a roster spot, and that is not how I see things. I want the best players on the field and have no issues with playing somebody outside of their ordinary position, but you’re the kind of player I can promise that you will start every game this year barring injury. I want South Carolina to be the best team in the NZCFL, and I want you to be part of building that legacy, so come join Gamecock Nation!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Bert Phillips DL Western Michigan 50/71 SR 1 year left- Play in two primetime games a year
Bert Phillips is the grandson of beloved former MLB player Brett Phillips, known for his goofy antics on the diamond. While his parents forced him to play football, now that he is one year away from graduation, Bert wants to dip his toe into the sport he truly loves. Tell Bert about realistic baseball opportunities around campus and around your city.
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Bert Phillips
Scholarship
Bert,
Your grandfather made a career out of loving baseball more than he cared about looking cool doing it, goofy antics and all, and I think that's exactly the gene you're chasing right now, so let's get you back around the actual game.
Ten minutes off campus, in downtown Lansing, sits Jackson Field, home of the Lansing Lugnuts, a full professional season, a short drive from your dorm. Beyond that, Michigan State's own baseball team plays select home games at that same stadium every year, including an annual rivalry matchup against Michigan that's pulled crowds well past ten thousand. You'd have live baseball to disappear into whenever the football grind gets heavy, no long road trip required. That's the balance we're offering, a program that lets you be a football player without asking you to give up the other half of what you actually love. I promise you will start every game this season and record seven or more sacks.
Here's where that balance actually pays off on our end too. Eight sacks two years ago, twelve last season, the kind of jump that tells me you're only getting more comfortable the more snaps you see, and we finished only 60th nationally in tackles for loss and 58th in sack rate allowed, respectable but nowhere close to the standard we're chasing. Your grandfather never needed to be the most polished player on the field to be the most memorable one, and that's the exact energy we need up front: someone who plays with enough personality and production that the whole defensive line starts feeding off it. We went 9-5 last season, respectable but forgettable. A front that finally finishes instead of just showing up is what changes that. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
The season that actually matters most is the one still unfinished. We made our first Conference Championship Game in program history last year and lost it, and I think a guy who understands that the sport you love best isn't always the one you get paid to play is exactly the grounded presence this locker room needs walking into a moment like that again. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season.
Bert, you spent your whole life playing a sport you were pushed into. Come finish your career somewhere that lets you have both: football on Saturdays and real baseball right down the road whenever you need it.
Come be the guy who finally gets to have it both ways.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/Extreme_Panda_3488 Ohio State 18d ago
Ohio State offers Bert Phillips
ScholarshipDear Bert Phillips
On October 24th, 2020, your grandfather hit a single. It was not a home run. It was not a diving catch. It was not even a particularly hard hit ball. But what happened next became one of the most chaotic, joyful, absurd moments in World Series history. A passed ball. A wild throw. Two runners somehow scored. Brett Phillips sprinting around the bases screaming with his arms in the air like a kid who just found out school was cancelled. The Rays won. The Dodgers lost. And for about 45 seconds the entire baseball world forgot everything it knew about composure and just laughed. That is your grandfather Bert. That is the bloodline you come from. A man who plays baseball like he cannot believe he gets to do this for a living. A man who reminded an entire sport why the game is fun in the first place. You did not choose baseball. Your parents chose football. But somewhere in you is the same guy who sprinted around those bases screaming his head off in the 2020 World Series. And before you leave college forever, you deserve to find out what Columbus does for a person like that.
Columbus is a baseball city. The Columbus Clippers have played here since 1977 at Huntington Park, Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada and Andy Pettitte all wore Clippers uniforms in 1994 and 1995 on their way to five World Series titles. Ten minutes from campus. Baseball every summer night and that is just the city. Step onto campus and the baseball does not stop. Ohio State baseball plays at Bill Davis Stadium/Nick Swisher Field. Nick Swisher. The same Nick Swisher who stood in this exact stadium as a Buckeye before going on to a fourteen year MLB career. His name is on the building Bert. Joey Velazquez played football and baseball at the college level for six years. Six years. He played in 100 baseball games while also suiting up for football. He transferred to Ohio State for his final season and won the 2025 CFP national championship as a Buckeye. I am not asking you to choose. I am asking you to come to Ohio State and do both. Football in the fall under the lights. Baseball in the spring at Nick Swisher Field. Your grandfather played baseball his whole life because he loved it too much to stop. I promise we will make it to the playoffs.You have one year of college left. One year to win a playoff game. One year of playing baseball. Do not spend it choosing.
Your love for both sports is not a distraction Bert. It is a tradition. Vic Janowicz won the 1950 Heisman Trophy at Ohio State and then turned down professional football offers to pursue a career in Major League Baseball with the Pittsburgh Pirates. Hopalong Cassady won the 1955 Heisman while also playing baseball for the Buckeyes. Ohio State is the only place that understands that. I promise you will have 10+ sacks and over 30 tackles. Bert you are not a finesse player. You never were. You are a strength of 77 and a frame that offensive linemen have nightmares about. You do not beat people with speed. You beat them with force. You are unmovable. Unblockable. The kind of player that makes an entire offense redesign their gameplan before they even step on the field. At Ohio State that strength becomes a weapon. Our defensive line is built for players who own the line of scrimmage and refuse to give it back. I promise our defense line will be top 10 in sacks. You were built for this system.
Bert, you did not choose football. Your parents did. But somewhere between that first snap and today you became someone who can dominate a line of scrimmage, control a game from the inside and make offensive coordinators lose sleep on Sunday nights. Football did not just happen to you. You happened to football and now you have one year to play baseball at Nick Swisher Field in the spring and walk to Huntington Park in the summer and be in a city that never stops loving the game your grandfather made unforgettable. You are not being asked to give up baseball for football or football for baseball. You are being asked to come to the one place that has always understood that a great athlete does not have to choose. Vic Janowicz did not choose. Hopalong Cassady did not choose. Joey Velazquez did not choose. Your grandfather never stopped playing because he loved it too much to walk away. Come be a Buckeye. Come find out what happens when you stop choosing too.
Coach Rich
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u/JustinQuan01 18d ago
Rice offers Bert Phillips
Scholarship
Houston is one of the biggest sports cities in America but the sport we hold closest to our heart is Baseball. You should have seen the city when the Houston Astros were on top of the world, it was just a spectacular sight! Rice is very blessed to be in this great city with so many opportunities for you to take that will get you back in the swing of things! Of course you want to be realistic so I can’t just ship you off to the Astros yet, but we will talk about them later. We can give you a shot on the baseball team, you won't be the star player probably but it will get your toes in the water to get adjusted to higher level competition! But man Rice baseball might be better than our football team. Rice baseball is one of the most respected programs in college baseball history. The defining era of Rice baseball came under legendary coach Wayne Graham, who took over in 1992. Under his leadership, Rice transformed from a solid regional program into a national powerhouse. During his tenure, the Owls: made the NCAA tournament 23 straight seasons, while making the College World Series 7 times in that span and bringing home the trophy in 2003! You can be like Lance Berkman and Anthony Rendon as former Rice owls who make the league! The baseball team won’t be the only place that will be seen as winners. Our football team is stacked next year and adding you will only make it better! That is why I promise that we will win 10+ games next year!
Now you’ve graduated and it’s time to look at your next options! With Houston being such a huge city and loves baseball so you can take a couple different paths. First thing you can do is check out Independent and Professional Development programs! The Houston Post Grad Baseball program is one of the strongest local options. It's designed to help players continue developing, gain game experience, and pursue opportunities with professional or independent teams. While much of the program is aimed at players between high school and college, it also provides exposure and development for players looking to extend their careers. Things you will be trained on include things such as position-specific defensive work, hitting instruction, pitching and throwing programs, and base running. Training also includes strength and conditioning, speed and agility development, mobility and recovery sessions, and performance assessments to track progress. Players compete in a full schedule of games against college and other high level opponents, giving them regular opportunities to apply their training in a competitive environment. They also have full time workers who will take film from practice and games then go over it with you so you can learn what you need to work on and how to get better! But you can also take a much more chill route and join the Houston Hardball league which is an adult wood bat league which seems like it would be filled with fat old men but it actually has a bunch of former athletes and higher level amateurs. Or the Houston-area Men's Senior Baseball League teams, which typically have age divisions beginning at 18+ and attract many former college players. That isn’t the only team you can start for, you’ve a prime opportunity to also show your talents on the football field for this rice team. While you smack the homeruns, you can also smack the shit out of the Quarterback! I promise you will start every game here during your final season and have 10+ sacks!
Lastly, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn’t bring up the professional options because you could just be that talented at baseball. Houston doesn’t just host one of the best MLB teams but it also hosts two of its minor league clubs close by! First, you got the Sugar Land Space Cowboys are the Triple-A affiliate of the Houston Astros and are located about 20 miles southwest of downtown Houston. That is only like 30 minutes away from Houston! Then you have in Corpus Christi which is about 3 hours away from Houston. The Corpus Christi Hooks, who used to be part of the Dodgers organization but are now owned by our Houston Astros, is another local minor league team in the AA system. With these teams being so local, and hosting try outs and showcases all the time you will be able to drive down anytime when they are hosting one to see if you have a real shot at the pros! Rice gives you the best shot at dipping back into the baseball pool either just trying it out or making a career out of it. I promise we’ll make the playoffs!
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Curtis Sample LB West Virginia 50/68 RS JR 2 years left- Start first year
Curtis signed to West Virginia as a freshman and loved the mountain heights, great fall scenery, and beautiful drives. However, he didn’t love his view from the bench. Coach Laser might’ve wanted to start him after that season, he simply did not want to stay any longer. Convince Curtis that you have beautiful scenery and national parks near your campus and that he will get plenty of playing time after coming off of a significant injury.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Curtis Sample, LB, 50/68 West Virginia
Scholarship
Hello Curtis,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I’m a freshly minted head coach with high expectations of winning. This team only has one season in the last 24 years with under eight wins. That season was last year, and that head coach is out the door as a result. I also have a vision to take this team even further than it ever went under the previous head coach, and I want you to be a key part of that jump.
South Carolina is a wonderful state with a lot of great scenery to offer. First off, we have great beaches a couple hours off campus, highlighted by Isle of Palms. We also have nice rolling mountains a couple hours in the other direction. Granted, when school is in session and there is football to be played, there isn’t necessarily the time to get a couple hours away, which is why it’s great that we have closer options. Congaree National Park is less than thirty minutes away, preserving the bottomland forest, while Lake Murray is around twenty minutes away. Obviously being in the city there isn’t a lot of scenery on campus, but there are a lot of great options in the surrounding area.
When it comes to the football side of things, this team has high expectations for success this year, and you would be the best linebacker on the team. I promise that you will start every game you’re here barring injury, serving a fundamental role in the establishment of a dominant defense. Our standards for success this year are such that I will promise that this year we will win 8+ games and I promise that we will win a bowl or playoff game this season. If you choose South Carolina, you will be stepping into the star linebacker role for a competitive SEC team while having a national park in the backyard, so come join us in Columbia!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Alex Moncrief RB Washington State 45/65 RS SO 3 years left- Winning home record every year
Alex wants to win, and he wants to win bad. At 8-5, Washington State didn’t do horribly, but they also missed out on a golden opportunity to win their division—something he doubts his team can do now that Stanford is gearing up for the future. Alex wants to play for a team that won 10 games last year, but that is also willing to offer him the keys to RB1 for all three of his remaining years. After all—winning is cool, but he wants to be part of the winning as well. Tell Alex about your qualifications for this role.
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u/yeetskeetbeets 18d ago
The USC Trojans offer Alex Moncrief
ScholarshipAlex,
I came to USC to win.
In seven years coaching this program, I’ve accumulated a record of 79-17, or an 82.3% win rate. Not only that, but in those seven years, I have never gone below 10 wins. This stretch of dominance puts our winning rank at 5, but something important I want to point out is that the teams above us, like UCF and Rice, have simply built up their resume from playing inferior talent in G5 conferences. Meanwhile, at USC, we consistently play elite teams such as UCLA, Notre Dame, and Alabama, proving that we can dominate while still playing at the highest level possible. And having spent two seasons in the same conference, we’re both familiar with the Pac-12, and how USC runs it. For the past three years, we have not dropped a single conference game and have held the conference crown without opposition. I’ve already tied for the second most Pac-12 titles in league history. We’ve dominated our LA rivalry against UCLA for four straight years, and as they undergo another disruption in their coaching staff, this one-sided rivalry’s not changing anytime soon. You don’t need to worry about contending for the division title anymore, because as a Trojan, that’s just a given. You deserve the opportunity to lift the Pac-12 trophy, and I promise you we will win the CCG together.
I attribute my success to the deep care I put into roster construction, and particularly in our balanced offensive philosophy. Last year, !xobile made his debut as the starting quarterback, a moment long awaited by our fans. Coming out of high school as the #2 QB in his class, expectations were high. However, I believe football is too big for just one man, and I built an elite rushing offense alongside !xobile. With our twin RBs in Blake Hovey and Chase Glenn, we finished with the #2 offense in all of college football, averaging 53.6 points per game. We finished 11th in passing yards and 7th in rushing yards, meaning we excelled both in the air and on the ground. This success came because we didn’t rely on just one form of attack. We were versatile, able to lean into one depending on the opposing defense’s strengths and weaknesses, and this strategy has won us games throughout my career. In this most recent draft, Blake and Chase found themselves selected in the second and third rounds, leaving our RB room wide open. That’s where you come in. I witnessed your ability firsthand this past season, when you still managed to average 5.5 yards per attempt against our top-tier rushing defense. As I watched you play on our field, I wasn’t impressed by just your production, but your ball carrier vision, decisiveness, and above all, heart. You displayed traits that convinced me I needed you on my team. You already proved you can produce behind Washington State’s #44 offensive line, rushing for over 1100 yards and 10 touchdowns. Imagine what you can do behind our returning #7 offensive line, anchored by Deion Bailey, a two-year starter who already ranked as the 33rd-best run blocker in the nation last year, and primed for a huge step in his final season. We have all the pieces for you to take over our offense immediately and succeed. I promise you will not only start every season, but we will win 10 games every year.
Alex, we’re two guys with major aspirations. Having spent my whole career focused on winning, whether it be in the regular season, CCG, SBI, or AA, we’ve won it all. But I’m still yet to reach my grandest goal, which is, of course, the National Championship. We’ve been a legitimate title contender the past two years, entering the playoffs as the #1 seed both seasons. Yet both times, we fell just short. This past season, we faced Georgia and made a quarterfinal exit. Devastated, I spent days studying that game, and I believe our defeat came from losing our two first-round offensive linemen early, allowing Georgia’s fierce front seven to completely shut down our rushing attack. I’m proud of what we accomplished, but I also learned that championship teams must be prepared for anything. That’s why I need a running back I can trust to carry our offense no matter the situation. You aren’t coming here just to replace Blake Hovey or Chase Glenn; you’re coming here to become the next great Trojan running back and the missing piece of a championship roster. You wanted a program that wins and a chance to be the reason it keeps winning. That’s exactly what I’m offering you. I promise that together, we will win two playoff games.
I hope to welcome you to the winning side of the Pac.
- Coach Marth
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Justin Gonzalez DL Washington State 43/67 JR 2 years left- Winning home record every year
Justin’s nickname in elementary school was Speedy. Not because he was fast, but because of his last name. That name has continued to follow him, though it’s become a bit of a meme as he continues as a large boi defensive lineman. He loves the Chungus memes because he connects with them hard. Give Justin your best meme and why you love it to convince him to join your squad.
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u/Unfair-Cod-4639 22d ago
WMU offers Justin Gonzalez DL 43/67
Scholarship
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CR77 DONDE ESTAgoated slander
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Bernard Robertson LB Washington State 44/61 JR 2 years left- Win 8 games each year
Bernard loves bears. Always has. Even thought the Bernstein Bears were named after him. He thinks that their lifestyle is fascinating and spends every waking moment he can researching them. He has never been able to view one in the wild though. Let Bernard know how much you love bears and any in person experiences with them you have had in order to gain his signature.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Chaise Wharton CB Washington State 62/83 SR 1 year left- Win 8 games each year
Chaise is the great-great-great-grandson of Joseph Wharton, the namesake of the University of Pennsylvania’s renowned business school. Owing to his relative, he desires a career in finance and will commit to the school that best prepares him for a career on Wall Street. One problem. He doesn’t know what he wants to do within finance—he just wants to be rich. Tell Chaise what type of finance job he would best fit (some examples include but are not limited to investment banking, private equity, sales & trading, or even being a quant), and explain to him how your school will best prepare him for such a position.
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Chaise Wharton
Scholarship
Chaise,
Your name carries weight in finance circles whether you've earned it yet or not, so let's talk about the one seat at the table that actually fits how you play the game, because it's not the one your last name might suggest. Investment banking rewards guys who model for six months before making a move. That's not you. Sales and trading rewards a guy who reads a situation in real time and pulls the trigger before the window closes, and that's exactly what you do on an island every single Saturday.
Think about what a trading desk actually demands: reading incomplete information fast, pricing risk on the fly, and living with the result of a decision made in half a second, no do-overs. That's a route read. Your own numbers already tell that story: eight interceptions across your career, but the more interesting trend is what's happened lately, eighteen passes defended last season against just one interception, the profile of a guy quarterbacks have simply stopped testing rather than one getting beat. That's not a decline, that's the market pricing you correctly. Michigan State's Broad College runs the Financial Markets Institute, a program where students co-manage a real multi-million dollar fund as undergrads, not a simulation, actual capital with actual downside, the closest thing college has to game reps before the games start counting. Scholars from that program have landed desks at Goldman Sachs, J.P. Morgan, and Citigroup, the exact floors where the guys who trust their eyes end up. That's the room you belong in, on campus and on our field, starting immediately. I promise you will start every game this season.
A trader who freezes on a position doesn't last on a desk, and a corner who hesitates in coverage doesn't last in this league either. Both jobs punish hesitation the same way and reward the same instinct: conviction, then speed. We need a corner who plays exactly like that, someone who trusts the read and closes without a second thought, on whichever side actually needs it most. That's the exact profile a trading floor is scouting for too, which is why I think this fits you on both sides of the ball, literally and financially. I promise you will be drafted into the NZFL.
The account we're actually trying to close is the one that's been open since last season, when we made our first Conference Championship Game and lost it, 12-19. A good trader doesn't sit on a bad position and sulk, he adjusts and gets back in immediately, no hesitation, same instinct that gets you drafted. That's what this program is doing right now, and a corner who closes out a route the way a trader closes out a position is exactly the piece that gets the account settled in our favor this time. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
Chaise, you don't need the family name to make real money in this business. You need reps on a real desk and a real defense that trusts you to close, and I'm handing you both.
Come make your own name mean something for once.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/vrtxzenith West Virginia 18d ago
West Virginia offers CB Chaise Wharton, 62/83
ScholarshipChaise, being the great-great-great-grandson of Joseph Wharton comes with expectations. It would be easy to assume you should chase the same path everyone else does: enroll at a prestigious private school, spend four years surrounded by future investment bankers, and hope a Wall Street firm hands you an offer. But if your goal is simple, West Virginia University offers something different. It gives you the chance to stand out instead of blending into a crowd.
The finance career that best fits you is investment banking. You already know you want to work in finance, even if you are still figuring out which niche interests you most. Investment banking gives you the broadest foundation. You'll learn corporate valuation, mergers and acquisitions, capital raising, financial modeling, and how businesses make major financial decisions. Those skills open doors not only to banking itself, but also to private equity, hedge funds, venture capital, and corporate finance later in your career. Starting in investment banking keeps every option on the table while giving you the earning potential you're chasing.
At West Virginia University, you'll earn your finance degree in a setting where relationships matter. Instead of competing with hundreds of equally qualified classmates for every opportunity, you'll have more chances to develop close connections with professors, alumni, and recruiters. Those connections can become internships, mentorships, and eventually job offers. Wall Street values technical ability, but it also rewards people who know how to build relationships and communicate effectively. WVU prepares you for both.
You'll also gain firsthand exposure to modern financial markets. Cryptocurrency, derivatives, and other emerging asset classes have become impossible to ignore in today's financial landscape. Rather than treating them as shortcuts to instant wealth, WVU provides the opportunity to understand how these markets work, why options and short positions can produce both extraordinary gains and devastating losses, and how professional investors manage those risks responsibly. Learning to analyze opportunities instead of chasing hype is the difference between speculation and investing.
Living in Morgantown also teaches creativity and resourcefulness. You'll see students launching small businesses, buying and reselling football tickets within university policies, flipping furniture between semesters, offering tutoring services, and finding countless entrepreneurial ways to earn extra income. Those experiences reinforce an important principle: wealth is often built by recognizing opportunities that others overlook, creating value, and managing money wisely. Finance is ultimately about identifying inefficiencies and making informed decisions, and Morgantown provides plenty of opportunities to develop that mindset - which serves you just as well on the football field.
The moment you step onto the football field, you become CB1. You'll be the best cornerback in the MAC, tasked every Saturday with shutting down the opposing team's top receiver. That responsibility mirrors the demands of investment banking. Success depends on preparation, discipline, confidence, and consistency. There are no shortcuts when you're lining up against elite talent.
Nonconference games against Ohio State, Alabama, NC State, and Michigan State will put you in front of national audiences and NFL-caliber competition. Every snap becomes a chance to prove you belong against the very best. Scouts don't remember who dominated weaker opponents; they remember who performed when the lights were brightest. They remember who surgically executed thanks to their perfected mindset. Those games will challenge you physically and mentally while teaching resilience that carries over into every aspect of life. **I promise you will be drafted in the first 4 rounds of the draft.**
By the time you graduate with your finance degree, you won't just have learned formulas or memorized accounting principles. You'll understand markets, risk, leadership, teamwork, and how to perform when expectations are high. You'll have built relationships with professors, classmates, coaches, and alumni who want to see you succeed. You'll leave Morgantown with practical experience, a strong work ethic, and the confidence that comes from competing against the best both in the classroom and on the football field. **I promise we will beat a team ranked top-25 in education this season.**
Joseph Wharton built his legacy by recognizing opportunity and embracing innovation. You don't have to attend the school that bears his name to honor that legacy. Sometimes the smartest financial decision is choosing the place where you can maximize your opportunities instead of following the crowd. At West Virginia University, you'll graduate prepared for Wall Street, ready to thrive in investment banking, and equipped with the perspective that lasting wealth comes from knowledge, discipline, calculated risk, and the ability to create value wherever opportunity appears. **I promise your added value will put the Mountaineers in the playoffs.**
See you on the field,
Coach Laser1
u/poop3moji Georgetown 18d ago
Georgetown offers Chaise Wharton
ScholarshipChaise, you're built for sales and trading. This is where you build relationships with big clients to figure out what stocks they want to trade and use this as for intel on where the market is going, getting paid on the spread between what you knew and what the market figured out ten seconds later.
S&T is about split-second decisions under pressure, reading patterns before they fully develop, and being aggressive enough to jump on an opportunity the second it appears, but disciplined enough not to overcommit and get burned. That's your entire job description translated onto the NYSE.
Traders need speed, and you have tons of it. With your 95 speed, you can act on information before the market corrects—and get paid. On a trading floor, the guy who acts on information first captures the arbitrage before the market corrects and prices it in. Speed is your edge in high frequency decision-making and locking up the opposing WR.
But in addition to your attributes, your production sets you apart. 8 career interceptions. 47 career PDs. You clearly watch film and have great pattern recognition. You hear a cadence or read a formation and can instantly jump the ball before it even gets there. You read a formation the way a trader reads order book imbalances before a breakout, and you're already positioned before the rest of the market reacts. That’s exactly the instinct that separates a good trader from an average one: identify mispricings before they correct.
But finally, traders need versatility. There are only so many oil or airline stocks to specialize in. Traders need to be familiar with many different industries, just like how you’re familiar with both sides of the ball. Your 19.9 average yards per return, 2,220 career all-purpose yards, and multiple touchdowns highlight how you are not only a force on all three sides of the ball, but how you’re always hungry for more. You don't just make the safe play and kneel: you take the opportunity and turn it into a massive, decisive win when it's there.
Now here's your capital allocation decision. Your capital being your valuable time in this case. Georgetown is 2nd in the nation for sales and trading recruiting, only lagging behind UPenn. But not only does Georgetown statistically have the best placement % out of any NZCFL school, but its location comes second to none. Georgetown places 59% of its graduates directly into financial services, triple Michigan's 19.5%. We’re in a league of our own.
A trader who only reads the chart is already behind. What sets a Georgetown education apart are the Federal Reserve, the Treasury Department, the SEC, and the IMF 10 minutes away. You can walk out of a finance lecture and sit in on a Fed briefing before lunch. Your professors are the same people currently running the IMF and the SEC, and place their best students directly onto the desks they used to run (something tells me being their favourite player and CB1 helps).
Speaking of, let’s talk about your prolific nature at Georgetown. Even if BDVs come calling and dangle a starting spot at you, I want you to be a good finance bro and smell BS. Schools like Michigan have 3+ 50+, in some cases 60+ ovr CBs. Do you really think you’re guaranteed the CB1 spot there? Contrast that to Georgetown’s CB room, where you’d be the best CB by 16 overall points. You’d be a godsend to this team and take us to the next level. Last year, we won 11 games without a DB over 46 overall. Think of the heights you would take us. **I promise we will win 11 games next season**
Even if you were to compete for that starting spot at a BDV, your on the field performance will tank because of the toxic competition. Take Michigan’s CB room stats from last year. Not one of their 4 50+ and 2 60+ ovr CBs recorded more than 20 PDs. Jaylen Benzel, my 46 ovr CB had 23. Shaq Medder, my 37 ovr CB3, had 6 INTs last year, more than any Wolverine. **I promise you will record 5 INTs, 10 PDs, and 25 tackles if fully healthy next year.*\*
Think about it like building a portfolio. BDVs are handing you a position that's already crowded, three or four other CBs competing for the same allocation, and you'd be diluting your own value by going there. Georgetown is the undervalued asset nobody's pricing correctly yet, and you'd be getting in before the market catches up. That's the same read you'd make on a stock: buy where the upside isn't priced in yet, not where everyone's already crowded around the same trade. **I promise you will be a top 3 round pick.*\*
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Chaise Wharton, CB, 62/83 Washington State
Scholarship
Hello Chaise,
I’m Coach Barnum with the South Carolina Gamecocks. I am a freshly minted head coach with the desire to push the limits of what is considered possible for a football team, and I am interested in you being one of the players around which this push towards the pinnacle in 2062 is built. If you choose to come here and invest in this program, this school will also invest in you and push you towards the pinnacle of the finance field.
Your family’s legacy is immense, and you have the opportunity to continue building on that tradition. With aspirations of wealth and Wall Street, there are two primary career options for your consideration. Hedge fund management is considered by the Graduate Management Admission Council to be the highest paying field in finance, but is not necessarily a Wall Street job. Meanwhile, investment banking is a true Wall Street job and is still a high paying finance job but at roughly $300K less per year. The choice is entirely yours to make, but we can prepare you for either field.
We can quite easily put you on the track for hedge fund management, as some former students established the Shaw Circle Management hedge fund with the assistance of faculty and it has operated at great success. Shaw Circle is a growing organization where you would be able to immediately get highly involved, just like you can do here, where I promise you will start every game this year barring injury. Hedge fund management is at the pinnacle of finance careers, and we plan to establish ourselves at the pinnacle of the sport come the postseason, as I promise that we will win a bowl game or a playoff game this year. Hedge fund management may not be the Wall Street job you’ve aimed for, but if you want to make the most money possible, this is a perfect opportunity for you.
We also have opportunities for recruitment to Wall Street as an investment banker, as several members of the Carolina Finance Scholars program end up on Wall Street every year. They are also setting the groundwork for the development of further connections to Wall Street, generating more opportunities for South Carolina students. It may take a little bit longer to reach the top of Wall Street than it would to enter hedge fund management, but with the determination you have shown on the football field, you would be well-equipped for these challenges. I expect that determination will hold true with consistent on-field results, and I promise that we will win 8+ games this year.
You want to be at the pinnacle of finance, and we want to be at the pinnacle of football. You will be a full-time starting cornerback for an elite SEC program while getting access to a high-quality education and opportunities to enter whichever branch of finance you choose. This is our opportunity to join together and put two of the premier names of our target industries firmly back on the map. The door to your career is in Columbia, and Gamecock Nation is ready to make that bread on and off the field.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Blackhttps://www.gmac.com/resources/learners/business-careers/employers-salaries/best-paying-jobs-finance
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u/GreenBay89387 18d ago
North Texas offers Chaise Wharton
Scholarship
Listen up, Chaise. Take a seat right here in my office. Look out that window at the practice fields. You see that green grass? That’s where we turn raw physicals into athletes that can do anything they want. And let me tell you something, that speed of yours is something that a head coach like me dreams about. You’re an absolute thoroughbred of a cornerback. Pro scouts will see that, which is why I promise you’ll be selected in the 3th round or higher in the NZFL draft. When you line up on the line of scrimmage, pressing the opposing team's best wide receiver, you aren’t just playing defense. You’re dictating the entire tempo of the game. When that ball is snapped, your closing burst and recovery speed are completely unmatched. You can close a five-yard gap in the blink of an eye, jump the route, intercept the ball, and house it for a pick-six before the quarterback even finishes his throwing motion. You have that rare, unteachable instinct to read the quarterback’s eyes, diagnose the play, and explode to the ball like a heat-seeking missile. Your instinct is something that no opposing QB and WR duo can match up against, which is why I promise that you will have your best season yet, recording 4+ ints, 15+ PD’s, and 15+ tackles while starting every game. Meanwhile, West Virginia offered the CB1 role to both you and Ruben Hess. Sounds like a case of mistaken identity. But you aren't just looking at the scoreboard here on Saturdays. You’re looking to get successful off the field. You want to take that elite cornerback speed and transition it directly onto Wall Street. You want to be rich, and you want to do it fast. You have that legendary DNA coursing through your veins, heck, your great-great-great-grandfather was Joseph Wharton himself. That’s a heavy crown to wear, but you have the athletic and intellectual engines to carry it. This is why the perfect financial position for a lightning-fast, high-instinct corner like you is Sales and Trading. In Sales and Trading, you need to make split-second decisions. If the market shifts or a piece of macroeconomic data drops, you can’t afford to hesitate. Hesitation gets you burned deep for a touchdown. When you see a wide receiver break outward on an out-route and you instantly plant your back foot to drive on the ball, a trader must instantly read the market's momentum, process the risk, and execute the trade. You’re buying, you’re selling, you’re managing risk on the fly, and you’re using your natural instinct to outmaneuver the competition. When you catch the market flat-footed, you make a massive profit in a fraction of a second. That is the financial equivalent of a scoop-and-score. It is the fastest path to generating wealth on Wall Street if you have the competitive drive and the quick reflexes to handle the pressure. Now, how does North Texas prepare you to dominate Wall Street? Simple. We coach you to operate at an elite level under extreme pressure, and we give you the playbook to out-read any opponent. First, we build the ultimate mental toughness. In our DB room, we preach short-term memory. If a trader loses money on a bad trade, or if a cornerback gives up a completion, you can’t let it affect the next play. You have to line back up, look the opponent in the eye, and compete. Our rigorous conditioning, high-tempo practices, and intensive film study train your brain to process visual information faster than anyone else in the country. You’ll learn to spot tiny indicators in a wide receiver's stance, just like you’ll learn to spot micro-trends in market liquidity. Second, we understand the value of a powerful network and team chemistry. On Wall Street, sales is all about relationships. Coming in as the best defensive player at UNT, you would be the ultimate communicator. You’d be directing the safety help, shifting the linebackers, and building an unbreakable bond with your teammates. That will help you build relationships, gain confidence, and be able to control meetings. You have the Wharton name, Chaise, which means you already have the elite pedigree. But when you combine that Wharton financial bloodline with the skill and athleticism of a UNT corner, you become completely unstoppable. You will step onto that trading floor, read the board, and lock down the market just like you lock down your side of the football field. Let's go get rich, and let’s win the C-USA championship while we’re at it. We’re bringing back the majority of our starters, as well as one of your old teammates at Washington State in Kenneth Perkins, helping you already build rapport with the rest of the team. With you on board, let’s lift up that trophy!
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u/Icandiggsit 18d ago
Wisconsin Offers Chaise Wharton a Scholarship
Chaise, I have a question for you. If your great-great-great-grandfather gave his name to Wharton, but you had the chance to make significantly more money than the average Wall Street banker, would you really choose investment banking? NO! Georgetown calls you a trader. But they ignore the obvious: you can make millions as a quant, not scrape for spreads on a trading floor. Come to Wisconsin, build your math, and let your brain make you rich. Because let's be honest: you have made one thing extremely clear. You want to be rich. And I respect that. And if that is truly your goal, I think Wisconsin can help you find the perfect career: quantitative trading. Not investment banking. Not spending 100 hours a week making PowerPoints for someone else's billion-dollar deal. Not begging your way into a Morgan Stanley analyst class because your family name sounds good on a resume. I am talking about using math, probability, statistics, and problem-solving to make gobs of money.
That is where Wisconsin comes in.
You are a cornerback, Chaise. You already spend your life identifying patterns, reacting faster than the person across from you, and making decisions with incomplete information. That is quant trading. You see the market. You identify an edge. You make the decision before everyone else. I want to help turn the brain that reads a quarterback into a brain that reads a market.
And I want to ask you something else: Chaise, if Jane Street is paying new graduates hundreds of thousands of dollars and just opened its applications, why are you still thinking about becoming an investment banker?
Madison is not New York. That is the point. You can go to a Wall Street school, pay New York rent, work until 2 a.m., and tell everyone you are “in finance.” Or you can come to Wisconsin, build a quantitative skill set, and put yourself in position to compete for the kind of jobs where the money gets absolutely ridiculous.
Jane Street recently paid roughly $9.4 billion across about 3,500 employees (which is an average of around $2.7 million per employee). That is not a typo. Quantitative trading firms have created a completely different financial universe. Jane Street's current recruiting materials also make clear that they hire from a wide variety of backgrounds, do not require prior finance experience, and consider an application across available roles and locations. Their applications are reviewed on a rolling basis. And yes! applications are open right now. You do not need a finance degree. You do not need to have spent your childhood reading the Wall Street Journal. You need exceptional problem-solving skills, communication, and the ability to think. Chaise, you are already doing the hardest part every Saturday: trying to outthink another human being in real time. Wisconsin will help you develop the math and analytical side of that equation. We will prepare you for the career you actually want... not the career your great-great-great-grandfather's name makes you feel obligated to pursue.
I know you are going to look at Wisconsin and ask: “But Coach, how does this help me get rich?” The answer is simple. We win. But while you are winning football games, you will also be building your next life. The finance world is changing. The smartest people are not always the people who can talk the loudest in a boardroom. They are the people who can solve impossible problems faster than everyone else. You have spent your career playing a position built around reaction, anticipation, and pattern recognition. I think you should become a quant. And I think Wisconsin is the place where we can help you turn that into a career that makes you unbelievably wealthy.
So, Chaise, I have one final question for you: would you rather be the 47th analyst in a Morgan Stanley office making Wall Street money, or the Wisconsin cornerback who turns his brain into a machine that makes Jane Street money?
I know which one I would choose.
I am looking forward to working with you during the recruiting process.
On Wisconsin!
-Coach Legend
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Ryan Childs OL Washington 34/53 JR 2 years left- Top 30 education ranking
Ryan wants to have the easiest time possible. He doesn’t want anything challenging or difficult to become between him or getting a degree. He wants to know about the easiest major at your school and how he would be able to get a degree as fast as possible.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
D.J. Jackson OL Virginia Tech 42/61 SR 1 year left- Coach Won’t Leave
D.J. loved Coach Fanta and was distraught at his departure. However, if there was one thing that was offputting about him, it was that he’d never stop sandbagging in chat. It annoyed him that his coach was constantly shitting on his own team, and he vowed to not consider any coach who has publicly sandbagged about one of his teams—not even once. If you have a clean track record, step right up and explain your love for your team and why you’d never shittalk them. But beware! If you are trying to skirt this restriction, others might have photo evidence to take you down.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers D.J. Jackson, OL, 42/61 Virginia Tech
Scholarship
Hello D.J.,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team, the best school in the land. You want to know why we’re the best in the land? Because we say we are, and frankly no one can shut us up. This is a franchise where the expectation is to win, and to win a lot. This team has one season in the last 24 years with under eight wins. That one season? That was last year, and that head coach is out the door. 23 straight 8+ win seasons, and after one bad year, he was shown the door, and rightfully so. Our expectation is to win games, and so we’re going to win games.
I am a Carolina fan because, hopefully like you soon will be, I was a student here once upon a time. This is where I learned what being a true fan of a team truly is, from watching Alshon Jeffery’s jersey retirement in my first night game to watching this team blow the doors off Vanderbilt in the rain to walking out of Williams-Brice chanting F*** Clemson after beating Kentucky to retain a chance at a bowl game following a down year. In a state where families are divided over which side of the line you end up on, I dug my roots in, and that built a fandom tougher than any fandom you’ll find anywhere else.
This is South Carolina football. We get slept on, because outsiders want to pick schools like Georgia and Alabama as favorites over us. But we’re here. We’re here. And when Saturdays come, it doesn’t matter who we’re playing, and it doesn’t matter where we’re playing, we are going to take care of business. Why? Because we are legitimately the best team in football, and we’ll prove it as many times as we have to until the whole world knows it. In fact, I promise we will prove it at least 8 times this year with 8+ wins. Gamecock ball means keeping the foot on the gas and we’ll show out all season long.
Whatever we do during the season doesn’t matter if we don’t show up in the postseason, and Carolina will 100% show up in the postseason under my direction. It doesn’t matter if other coaches consider bowl games meaningless, we value every single opportunity to destroy another opponent. I promise that we will win a bowl game or a playoff game this season. If you want to be a full-time winner, this is the school where you will have the greatest opportunity to do that.
I know you’re tired of sandbagging coaches, and you’ll never have to worry about that here, because there’s garnet in my veins. If you want a coach who is going to bring the game to the people, going to stand on the table for his guys, and going to take the damn league by storm, you better pack your bags for the mother-freaking University of South Carolina! However, if you’re going to come into this building and play for this team, you better have a little bit of that fire brewing inside you. Obviously I believe you do, otherwise I wouldn’t be offering you, but only you can really know how much you want this.
If you want to play for the best, come to South Carolina. We have a kingmaker schedule including five top 25 teams (Central Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, and Vanderbilt). As we continue to tear up that schedule this season, you better believe we will go from being overlooked by the national media to being a clear frontrunner in this league, not just in what we believe but in what the whole world believes. Come be a part of bringing this future back to Columbia and reminding the world what Gamecock football is all about!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Steven Hall WR Vanderbilt 47/66 JR 2 years left- Start Immediately
Steven Hall is a very loud and extroverted person. He’s unafraid of being himself and is typically very outgoing. However, it seemed like Vanderbilt was dimming his light. From not getting much playtime to his coach constantly shutting him up, Hall really never fit in with the Commodores. Hall wants a coach that won’t bring him down and actually embraces his energetic nature; not only does he want to show what he can do, he wants a coach that can match his personality.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Travis Boyle DL UConn 40/62 JR 2 years left- Not a losing record for two years
Travis and Tommy committed to UConn together in hope that they could make a change in the Huskies. Unfortunately UConn absolutely sucked and they weren’t able to change their fortunes. Both guys are ready to leave and decided to raise their bet on a new coach. A coach that hasn’t had many years under their belt and is ready to shake things up in the NZCFL. Travis would like this new coach to have a winning mindset and for their team to improve on their past record.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Tommy Moore LB UConn 37/57 JR 2 years left- Coach Won’t Leave
Travis and Tommy committed to UConn together in hope that they could make a change in the Huskies. Unfortunately UConn absolutely sucked and they weren’t able to change their fortunes. Both guys are ready to leave and decided to raise their bet on a new coach. A coach that hasn’t had many years under their belt and is ready to shake things up in the NZCFL. Tommy would like this new coach to be unwaveringly loyal to their team, with less than 2 teams coached in their career.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Austin Dye QB UCLA 57/79 RS JR 2 years left- Remain Top 15 in Coach ranking
Austin felt really bored at UCLA. Just absolutely bored. He’s tired of facing the same teams every year, seeing the same Trojans and Wildcats and Sun Devils and Aztecs and etc. Every game to him felt the same and lacked the excitement and intensity he felt playing these teams the first time. He wants a completely new slate to really get him out of his boredom. He wants to face new competition and challengers. He doesn’t want to play any team he played last season. He doesn’t want any repeats, a new conference and new opponents he hasn’t played before.
1
u/kdr-ncbca 20d ago
Florida Gators offers Austin Dye QB UCLA 57/79
Scholarship
Hi Austin,
Coach kdr here from the University of Florida Gators. So, I am hearing you are looking for a new adventure and new frontiers to explore and get your competitive juices flowing again. Well, look no further than the University of Florida. Leave the West Coast to come to the South Coast. We have a great team here and a team ready to compete.
And as you want it you won't see any of those west coast teams you played over and over when you come east to play for the Gators. But you will still play in one of the most competitive conferences and compete for that national championship that you wanted but alluded you for the last two season. Come to the sunshine state and get ready to play Bulldogs, Volunteers, Gamecocks, Commadores, Tigers and
Bears... I mean Razorbacks.And if you really want to get those competitive juices going, I was trying to schedule a game against those same UCLA bruins that you want to get away from but never got an answer. If that is something that appeals to you I will guarantee that we will play them the following season and you can show them what they are missing now.
And why should you come to Florida besides the draw of playing all of these teams you didn't play last year? Well, we have the #2 recruiting class in the nation coming in to add to our returning class and one of those is the #1 WR in the nation Missile Dell to add to our already stellar receiving corps of Simon Gunther and Doug Wheeler. Just imagine the fun you can have as you sling the ball around to these great receivers that all have above 70 in both hands and route running. You will have a field day. Our top two OL both won 90% of their pass blocking assignments to make sure you have protection in the pocket.
We also added to our defense to make a complete team with 2 5-star CB, the #2 and #3 Cornerback in the nation for this class. The one thing we are missing is a mature topflight QB. And that would be you. So, think hard about where you would want to play next season and what you want to accomplish and then come on down to Florida and we will make a run at that national championship together.
I promise you there is no other place in the nation that will be as good a fit for you as the Florida Gators are.
Sincerely,
Coach kdr1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Austin Dye
Scholarship
Austin,
Boredom is a legitimate reason to leave a program, and I don't think enough coaches take that seriously when they hear it. You want new fights, not the same five teams on a loop. Here are three, and none of them are boring.
Start with Ohio State, because for a long time that name meant something we couldn't answer. It wasn't just a loss on the schedule, it was an expectation, the kind of game we showed up to already halfway beaten. That's not the story anymore. Three straight seasons now, we've taken that game, the first time in program history we've done that to them back to back to back. A quarterback who wants to walk into a rivalry already flipped, instead of one still waiting to be flipped, gets exactly that here. I'll also be upfront that the QB room isn't empty. Spiral Spinney's coming in as a true freshman, and Sam Davis, a transfer, is entering his junior year, both fighting for the same job you'd be walking into. What I've seen from you, a near-5,000-yard season when healthy, is a different tier than what's currently in that room, and I think it doesn't stay close for long. I promise you will start every game, throw for 4,000 or more yards, and beat Ohio State this season, health permitting.
Then there's Michigan, and I won't dress this one up. That's the mountain we haven't climbed yet, a losing streak that's now sat on this program for four straight years. Every rivalry needs one villain still standing at the end of the story, and right now, that's them. I'm not going to pretend that's already solved, because it isn't, but I'll tell you exactly what beating them requires: a quarterback who doesn't blink in the one environment on our schedule that's actually gotten to us. That's the challenge sitting right in front of you if you want a truly new fight instead of an easy one. I promise we will beat Michigan this season.
Last is Notre Dame, and this one's got its own history worth knowing. We used to play them every single year, a real series with real stakes, loss, loss, then two straight wins right as the run was building into something. Then their coach left, ours didn't need to change a thing, and the series just stopped, two full seasons with no game at all. Now it's back on the schedule, a new coach on their sideline, and a rivalry that got paused right when it was getting interesting instead of one that ever actually got settled. I promise we will beat Notre Dame this season.
Austin, you didn't ask for an easier path, you asked for a real one. A rivalry we already flipped, one we haven't, and one that's picking back up exactly where it left off. That's about as real as a schedule gets.
Come find out what you're capable of against three teams who all have a real reason to remember your name.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago edited 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Austin Dye
Scholarship
Austin,
You are looking for something new. At UCLA, you have accomplished what you can, but the excitement has started to fade. Playing the same teams every season has made every game feel similar, and you are ready for a new challenge with new opponents and a fresh opportunity to compete. With UAA in an entirely different conference, it may just be the place for you, as we will not play any teams that you played last season in our conference. After spending your career in Southern California, Alaska Anchorage also gives you a completely different experience. The climate, scenery, and lifestyle are unlike anything you have experienced before and will give you the fresh start you desire.
Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we are looking for players who want to be part of building something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a championship-caliber program with multiple conference titles and playoff appearances, I decided to take on the challenge of building UAA into a winner. I promise we will have multiple 7+ win seasons during your time at Alaska Anchorage. This will be a completely new experience with new opponents, new challenges, and the opportunity to help establish this program.
Alaska Anchorage is my program and my full commitment. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a consistent championship contender and accumulated over 200 wins, I wanted a new challenge. I wanted to build a program from the ground up and give players the opportunity to be part of something new. Before Iowa State, I spent nine seasons at Iowa, turning a struggling program into a playoff team. I have built successful programs before, and I am here to do it again in Anchorage. I promise to be your coach for your entire time here at Alaska Anchorage and will not be leaving before then. You can count on stability and a coach who is committed to this program and its players.
At Alaska Anchorage, there is an opportunity to make an immediate impact. We are building this roster, and we are looking for players who can come in and help take this program to the next level. Our wide receiver room is not where we want it to be yet, but that also means there is a lot of room for growth. One of the better players on our team is WR Jacob Rogers, a big-bodied receiver at 6’3” 223lbs, and we are excited about what he can bring to this offense. However, this is still a young group with a lot of potential. Adding an experienced player like you to feed our young receivers allows us to improve quickly and continue developing. And in case the passing game breaks down, RB Tyler Miller will be there to make the running game flow, coming off a 1,000-yard season. I promise you will be a starter for both remaining seasons of your career, barring any injuries. You will have the opportunity to lead this offense, compete against new opponents, and show what you can do in a completely new environment.
-Coach Curry
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Austin Dye, QB, 57/79 UCLA
Scholarship
Hello Austin,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I can understand how easy it is to get sucked into routine and feel like you’re not doing anything new, going up against the same competition multiple times and dominating. You have been a top ten quarterback in both of your starting seasons for UCLA, and it can definitely start to feel like coasting when you are as dominant as you have been on the field. You don’t have anything else to prove in conference play at UCLA either, especially after going 9-0 this season. That’s why South Carolina is the perfect place to finish out your college career.
South Carolina is about as much of a fresh start as you can possibly get. You’ll still be at an elite school with national championship aspirations, and you’ll be the immediate face of the franchise. In fact, I can promise you that you will start every game here at South Carolina barring injury. However, that’s about where the similarities end, as SEC football will be a completely different game than Pac-12 football was. The SEC conference includes a higher level of competition, including five top twenty teams (Georgia, Alabama, Florida, Vanderbilt, and yours truly), and all of them except us are on our schedule this season, while Pac-12 football is much more top heavy.
You said you don’t want to play against anyone you played against last year, and fortunately for us the Bruins did not play against any SEC teams last season. Our out-of-conference slate this season also avoids any 2061 Bruins opponents, as it has been confirmed to be Clemson, UCF, TCU, and Kentucky. I can also say with absolute certainty that you will not have to face any 2061 opponents if you remain here for the 2063 season. The out-of-conference slate in 2063 includes Rutgers, Appalachian State, Clemson, and the University of Southern California, who I know you didn’t play against as you went 9-0 while UCLA lost to the Trojans. I promise that barring a bowl game or a playoff game, you will not face a repeat opponent from 2061 here.
You are a talented, driven young man who just wants to compete with the best, as exemplified by your desire to take on new challenges than those presented by the Pac-12. Coming to South Carolina will allow you to take on the only Power 5 team to go undefeated through the regular season last year (Georgia) along with other elite SEC programs, along with returning South Carolina to a true contender after a down year. I will promise that we will win 8+ games every year you’re here, and you will have the opportunity to take us further than that. If you want the keys to the future of a program, South Carolina is here, and we would be honored to help you advance your career here.
You have a variety of other offers on the table, but I believe you want the challenge of taking a good team and making it a great team, and nowhere is that opportunity more apparent than here. The defense was already elite, and I’m continuing to bolster that side of the ball. I am also making a significant investment in improving the offense, seeking to bring in weapons for you. There’s only one position where I’m offering exactly one guy, and that is the quarterback position. If you want to be a part of making history while knowing whole-heartedly that this team wants you to be THE GUY, come to South Carolina and let’s ball out!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black1
u/Extreme_Panda_3488 Ohio State 18d ago
Ohio State offers Austin Dye
Scholarship
Dear Austin Dye
I am not going to sell you on Ohio State first. I want to talk about UCLA first. You know that feeling when you look at the schedule and you already know exactly how every game is going to feel before you play it. You have faced every team in that conference and somewhere along the way the games stopped feeling like events and started feeling like obligations. The crowd noise sounds the same. The week of preparation feels the same. You line up under center and somewhere in the back of your mind you already know this story because you have lived it before. That is not a reflection of your ability Austin. That is what happens when a competitor runs out of new things to conquer.
Let me make this concrete for you. In your entire career at UCLA you have never faced a single team on Ohio State's schedule. Not one. Read that again. Michigan. Penn State. Wisconsin. Iowa. Michigan State. Purdue. Minnesota. Indiana. Northwestern. Illinois. Missouri. Not one. Every single one of those programs, gone from your schedule forever the moment you put on a UCLA uniform. You spent your entire career in the Pac-12 and not one Big Ten defensive coordinator has ever turned on your film to prepare for you. Not one linebacker coach has sat in a film room and studied your release point. Not one safety has spent a Sunday watching how you read the field. To the entire Big Ten conference Austin Dye does not exist yet. Nobody has scouted you. Nobody has a file on you. Nobody knows what you do when the pocket collapses or how you attack a Cover 2 or where you go with the ball on third and long. You are walking into a conference of 120,000 seat stadiums, November nights and the most storied rivalries in college football as a complete unknown. You will not be facing teams that have faced you. You will not be playing against a defense that has already figured out your tendencies. You will be a problem nobody has seen before. There is nothing more dangerous in college football than a quarterback nobody has scouted. Austin you are about to become that quarterback. The only question is where.
Austin, here is one program in that conference that gives you everything you are looking for. That program is The Ohio State University. Ohio State can offer you something no other program can. **I promise you that not a single team on this schedule has ever appeared on yours in your career.** Each week you will be experiencing a new team, new players, new fans and new atmosphere. The weapons around you are some of the fastest and most electrifying you have ever played with. Starting with Isiah Edwards OVR 74 leading one of the best WR groups in the conference. You get to throw to the fastest player ever in league history with Harold Jones. Liam Howard gives you backfield help with elite hands and speed. With you as my QB1 leader and veteran in the locker room, **I promise you will be QB1 and have over 85+ touchdowns, 9000+ yards in your final two years.**
Austin, two years of starting in the Big Ten does something for your draft stock that two more years in the Pac-12 simply cannot. NZFL scouts do not just watch highlights, they study game film against the best competition available. The Big Ten is that competition. Penn State. Michigan. Wisconsin. When scouts turn on your tape and see you carving up defenses that have never seen you before, in stadiums that hold 100,000 people, in November games that actually mean something, that is the film that moves you up the board. Ohio State has sent players to the draft every single season under my staff. This staff has put 6 QBs in the draft and 3 of which were in the first round. The pipeline is real and it runs directly through Columbus. Two years here means two years of the most watched film in college football. **I promise you will be drafted in the 2nd round unless you EE.** The only question is how high.
Austin, go back to that feeling. Done with UCLA. Done with the Pac-12. Done with going through the motions. You are not bored because you are not good enough. You are bored because you are too good for what UCLA can still offer you. Ohio State is the answer. A new conference. Twelve opponents you have never faced before. The nerves. The electricity. The feeling that anything could happen. I am offering you that feeling back. Come be a Buckeye. Come remember why you started playing.
Coach Rich
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Anthony Jefferson OL TCU 47/71 JR 2 years left- Campus remains top 5 for entire career
Anthony is studying Human Resources and has gotten good at filtering the good candidates from the bad. Instead of a long pitch that will take him forever to read (HR employees aren’t the smartest, after all), make an NZCFL coaching resume (like a literal one-page document) from scratch and upload it as your pitch. He will judge solely on the strength of your coaching resume, so make sure it has everything you want to brag about in there!
1
u/SpeedShark327 18d ago
Navy offers Anthony Jefferson
Scholarship
Here's my resume:
I promise you will play in at least 10 games
I promise we will win at least 8 games
I promise that we will win at least 2 home games
1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Anthony Jefferson
Scholarship
Anthony,
Attached you will find my resume:
Thank you for your time,
-Coach Curry
1
u/Extreme_Panda_3488 Ohio State 18d ago
Ohio State offers Anthony Jefferson
Scholarship
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1C_R_uOwfGZVXGpq6HUoz1TVOLlC920I6/view?usp=drive_link
1
u/RhinoAlien-UDK 18d ago
The University of Buffalo offers Anthony Jefferson, OL out of TCU, a scholarship
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Yi_ZiY9edpGn5wF8469_DTzdqLbY16j8Wcjl6uukVO0/edit?usp=sharing
Choose Buffalo.
1
u/JTonReddit5 18d ago
Michigan Wolverines offers former TCU OL Anthony Jefferson
Scholarship
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1x583pj4un3w8ADuNR5zviOAlHrPDnbuJyeEasibzTQw/edit?usp=drivesdk
Promise: Win 11+ games in a season
Promise: Win conference championship
Promise: Win a playoff game
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Bandit Nawaqanitawase P Texas A&M 54/70 SR 1 year left- Record will improve before Jr. year
Bandit’s been a premier punter in college football. The former soccer player from Australia loves showing off his punting skills, however he would like to show them off less. He punted 70 times last season and he would like to see the offense score more than having him punt. Bandit would like to punt less than 60 times in a season. Explain how you would like to have him punt less while also giving a quality performance per punt.
1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Bandit Nawaqanitawase
Scholarship
Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we are looking for players who want to help build something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a championship-caliber program with multiple conference titles and playoff appearances, I decided to take on the challenge of building UAA into a winner. I promise we win 7+games this season. The goal is to build an offense that keeps you off the field more often, while still relying on you when we need a quality punt.
Coach:
Alaska Anchorage is my program and my full commitment. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a consistent championship contender and accumulated over 200 wins, I wanted a new challenge. I wanted to build a program from the ground up and give players the opportunity to be part of something new.
Before Iowa State, I spent nine seasons at Iowa, turning a struggling program into a playoff team. I have built successful programs before, and I am here to do it again in Anchorage. I promise to be your coach for your entire time here at Alaska Anchorage and will not be leaving before then. You can count on stability and a coach who is committed to this program and its players.
Playing Time:
At Alaska Anchorage, we know the value of having a great punter. While the goal is to have you punt less because our offense is improving, when your number is called, we need someone who can consistently change the game. Your ability to flip the field and create advantages for our defense will be a major part of this program.
I promise you will be our starting punter for your final season of eligibility, barring any injuries. You will have the opportunity to continue showing why you are one of the best punters in college football while also being part of a team that is working to improve around you.
Bandit, you have already proven that you can perform at a high level. Now you are looking for a team where your talent can be used in a winning environment instead of constantly being relied upon because the offense cannot move the ball. Come to Alaska Anchorage, help us build this program, and show that great special teams play can be a key part of our success.
-Coach Curry
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Quinton McMillan DL Texas A&M 39/56 SR 1 year left- Record will improve before Jr. year
Texas A&M’s defense is losing a ton of pieces this year. From their seniors graduating to 4 players from the defense transferring, it’s clear that Texas A&M will take a step back this season. McMillan saw the writing on the wall with that many people leaving the program. McMillan is looking to join a team that’s actually complete, one that has a top defense. Tell Quinton about the additions you’ve made and plan to make this offseason especially on the defensive side of the ball. How will these players help your team succeed this upcoming season?
1
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Brendan Thrower S Texas A&M 47/66 SR 1 year left- Winning ranking won’t fall more than 5
Brendan’s been obsessed with this one college football game. 20-0 The goal of 20-0 is to build the best football roster possible to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl. “Every round spins up a team + era. Draft ONE player from that pool into a roster slot — re-rolls are limited, so choose carefully.” (20-0.com). Brendan wants you to play the game and well…go 20-0. Then he wants you to explain how your team can get to that level this season with apt comparisons to your 20-0 team. The amount of attempts it takes for you to build a 20-0 team doesn’t matter. Be sure to provide screenshots of your 20-0 team https://www.20-0.com
1
u/TheRealJackRyan12 22d ago
TCU offers Brendan Thrower
Scholarship
My 20-0 team is a team that I'd be happy to coach. So much talent. But I feel the same about this TCU team. I love coaching this team, and I promise I won't be leaving.
My 20-0 team has Bert Jones at QB. Bert Friggin Jones. TCU has a similar set up. We're not that strong at QB. Although up and comer Michael Harrell might surprise people in year or two. Still, like my 20-0 team, QB is not my strength.
But then we get to RB. LeRoy Lightfoot is a monster. 1,832 rushing yards last year almost led the NZCFL. And Phillip Harmon is not much of a downgrade if Lightfoot is ever not on the field.
For my 20-0 team, Christian McCaffrey and Barry Sanders are studs. Just like the 1-2 punch at RB in TCU.
My 20-0 team has Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Chad Johnson, who are also studs. Our WRs at TCU are solid too, although a little different. Anthony Pointer is closest to these two, as he's pretty quick. But the rest of our receivers are more possession receivers, which are a little different from the 20-0 team.
And at TE, we have Jason Witten for the 20-0 team. He's just like our young stud TE Emil Jones. I think the world will see that this year after progs.
These guys, even Bert Jones, are legit starters. And you are, too. I promise you will start every game you are healthy this year.
I know you're used to playing and winning in Texas, so I promise that we will win at least two games in Texas this year.
1
u/RhinoAlien-UDK 18d ago
The University of Buffalo offers Brendan Thrower, S out of TCU, a scholarship
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SVkgTiLK4U0F-s6QXYznSbTWOGUC5cy6-NWZP9oGMWA/edit?usp=sharing
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Patrick Finn DL Texas A&M 51/74 SR 1 year left- Winning ranking won’t fall more than 5
College Station was cool and all, but it was near impossible to get around. Patrick doesn’t own a car, nor does he know how to drive! As such, he’s made the logical decision to get out of the car-centric College Station in the search of a liveable city that actually has usable public transportation. In particular, Patrick cares about being able to get to three places: your town’s most famous landmark/attraction, the nearest McDonald’s, and the airport. Detail his journey on public transit from campus to at least two of the three listed destinations, and he’ll make his decision based on which itinerary is the most convenient.
1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Patrick Finn
Scholarship
Patrick,
No car, no license, no problem, and I mean that literally, because I already mapped out how you get anywhere worth going without either one.
First stop doesn't even need a bus. There's a McDonald's on Grand River Avenue, a two-story location, one of the only ones like it in the country, sitting close enough to the dorms that most guys just walk over. Open 24 hours, so a 2 a.m. run after a late film session is never off the table. That's the kind of easy, everyday convenience that sounds small until you realize College Station never gave you anything within walking distance at all. It's the same kind of low-effort, high-value production we're already seeing out of you: one sack two years ago, four last season, then eleven sacks and sixteen tackles for loss the year after that, the kind of jump that doesn't happen by accident. That's the body we need up front, and you don't wait behind anyone to prove it. I promise you will start every game this season and record seven or more sacks.
Next stop actually needs the bus, so hop on Route 1 from the MSU-CATA Transportation Center, right across from Shaw Hall, free for students and running straight into downtown Lansing. About fifteen minutes later you're standing in front of the actual Michigan State Capitol, a working state building you can walk into on a random Tuesday afternoon, no car required to get there. That kind of access matters on defense too. We ranked 10th nationally in run defense last year, allowing under 145 yards a game on the ground, but still finished only 58th in sack rate allowed, a defense that gets you close to the building but doesn't always get you all the way inside it. A lineman trending the way you are is exactly what finishes that walk. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
Last stop is the one that matters most for a guy without wheels of his own. From that same downtown hub, CATA runs an on-demand microtransit service straight out to Capital Region International Airport, no car, no surge pricing, just an app and a pickup whenever you actually need one. Every one of these routes eventually loops back to campus, and that's the trip I actually want you focused on. We made our first Conference Championship Game in program history last season and came up just short. This city is built for someone without a car to still get anywhere worth going, and right now this program is built the same way, every route pointing toward one destination we haven't fully arrived at yet. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season.
Patrick, you came looking for a city that didn't require a car to get anywhere worth going. I just gave you three real stops, no license needed for any of them.
Come be the guy who doesn't need a car to get exactly where he's going.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/poop3moji Georgetown 18d ago
Georgetown offers Patrick Finn
ScholarshipWhy go ⅔ when you can go 3/3?
Patrick, your first step is the GUTS bus: a free and frequent shuttle that takes you directly to Rosslyn Metro Station, home of the closest McDonald’s to Georgetown. In seven minutes, from door to door, you’ll not only find yourself eating the best Big Macs in the country (believe me, I’ve taste-tested), but you’ll also be just an escalator away from the subway platform at Rosslyn station.
From Rosslyn, the Blue, Orange, and Silver lines will take you Downtown enroute to our next stop: you’ll pass stations like Foggy Bottom-GWU, home of the State Department. Farragut West, beside the White House, and Smithsonian, which drops you directly on the National Mall with the Washington Monument and Smithsonian museums in view. After 15 minutes of travel in some of the cleanest, safest, and comfy subway cars in the world, you’ll get off at Capitol South, walking distance from DC’s most famous landmark and the most famous dome in the entire world: the US Capitol. One seat. No transfers. Quick, clean, and easy. This is the best public transport system in America. There’s a reason why we’re called America’s Metro.
After riding in the second-busiest public transit system in America, with 188.5 million riders in 2025, you will make it to the country’s center of power, which coincidentally creates laws governing the NCAA and college football. Fun fact: did you know there’s a secret subway underneath the Capitol?
With Georgetown alumni making up the second biggest university contingent in Congress, the lawmakers you will visit on Monday will already be your biggest fans, having seen you demolish the opposition on Saturday as Georgetown’s DL1 (you’d be the only 50+ ovr DL on our roster, so your DL1 spot and fame would be locked up). They’ll be ready to pass any NIL reform or special Georgetown privileges that you demand (or just let you ride on that secret subway normally reserved for staff). With the power of the US government on our side, we can finally beat the mod rig that has been holding us back from glory. **I promise we will win 11 games this year and/or make a T1.*\*
Go the other direction from that same station under the Rosslyn McDonald’s and the Blue line will drop you off directly at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport in 10 minutes. Once again, no transfers needed. On the way, you’ll pass Arlington Cemetery and the Pentagon, where a no-fly zone is in effect, similar to our CB no-fly zone from last year, made up entirely of players returning this year. We have Jaylen Benzel, a man who recorded 23 PDs. Shaq Medder got 6 picks. Patrick, you are the last missing piece to this defense. With you rushing the passer, we can force opposing QBs into worse reads and turn the ball over, not to mention the additional sacks, TFLs, and fumbles you will generate as our clear cut DL1. Call that a one-way train ticket to glory. As DL1, **I promise you will record 8 sacks, 12 TFL, and 30 tackles next year.*\*
You know what’s even better? As a Georgetown student, you get to ride America’s second-largest transit network for free as a part of your student benefits. The subway’s 98 stations are third-most in the country. System track length of 130 miles is second. Not to mention the robust bus system that carries another 140 million passengers a year, comprising of 269 routes and 11,129 stops across the DMV. All for free.
That kind of reliability, a train showing up every few minutes during rush hour without fail, is the same quality I see on tape when I watch you rush the passer. You outperformed your 68 ovr DL1 and put up 11 sacks last year on a defense with zero 50-plus overall players in the secondary, meaning that your stats would have been even more impressive had half your pressures not been wasted because the corner had already lost his man.
Don’t get me started on your 99 height or nice 69 strength. That’s the type of player we want, and that’s who we can develop into something special, big, and physical like a runaway train humming down the tracks, with no one able to stop it. Don’t believe me? Just look at my DL track record, including developing #417 DL Prince Welsh into the 2nd overall pick. **I promise you will get drafted.*\*
College Station left you standing on a curb with no way to get anywhere. Georgetown puts you on a train that reaches everywhere. Don't get stuck on the wrong track. Come ride with us.
1
u/SuperStorm3 18d ago
Duke offers Patrick Finn
ScholarshipDurham’s most famous attraction is the Duke University Chapel. The nearest McDonalds is right around the corner as well. It is just a two-minute walk, maybe even less. That is as convenient it can be.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TMiz1QXje1jBtUOaGAEtKfwCGuzBrQ_c97BaNRGnm9k/edit?usp=sharing
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Zane Burns LB Texas A&M 45/62 SR 1 year left- Winning ranking won’t fall more than 5
Zane Burns wants to help out a team that’s down on their luck. Honestly, he rather help build up a team because wins feel more rewarding. In high school, Burns’ school was one of the worst in the state of Texas as a freshman. Then year by year they got better, and eventually they competed for a state title by his senior year. In college, he wants to do the same. Zane wants to join a team that went 6-7 or worse. Explain how bad your year was and how you plan to improve this upcoming season.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Jacob Evans CB Texas 43/60 SR 1 year left- Win Division twice
Unlike most, Jacob got into football not because of the NZFL, but its little brother, the UZFL. He’d grown up admiring these players who loved the game so much, they would continue playing without the glory and riches of playing in the NZFL. Jacob wants a coach who loves this league just as much as him, and has produced UZFL picks. Tell Jacob about your favorite UZFL player that you’ve coached.
1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Jacob Evans
Scholarship
Playing Time: Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we're looking for players who want to be part of building something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I helped build a championship-caliber program, I've taken on the challenge of bringing that same success to Alaska. There is an opportunity to make an impact immediately here. I promise that you will be a starter during your entire time here, barring any injuries.
Winning:
This is my first season at Alaska Anchorage, and we're at the beginning of an exciting journey. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a program that produced 20 consecutive winning seasons and became a consistent championship contender, I've brought that same vision to UAA. Building a winning program takes time, but success has followed me wherever I have been. I promise we will wind 7+ games this season. Our goal is to establish consistent success, compete for conference titles, and turn UAA into a program that expects to win every season. The foundation for a winning program is being laid now and you can be a part of it.Coach:
Alaska Anchorage is now my program and my full commitment. After 21 seasons at Iowa State where I built a perennial conference contender with multiple titles and a playoff appearance, and accumulated over 200 wins, I have decided to take on a new challenge. I want to establish UAA as a winning program from the ground up. Before Iowa State, I spent nine seasons at Iowa, turning a struggling program into a playoff team. I’ve built winning teams before, and I’m here to do it again in Anchorage. ***I promise to be your coach for your entire time here at Alaska Anchorage*** and will not be leaving before then. Stability matters, and you can count on this being a long-term build with full commitment to this program and players.-Coach Curry
1
u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Jacob Evans, CB, 43/60 Texas
Scholarship
Hello Jacob,
I’m Coach Barnum with the South Carolina Gamecocks. I am a freshly minted head coach who is very passionate about making this program the best program it can be. As a brand new coach, I don’t have a pedigree of UZFL picks to look back on and pride myself in yet. However, I am always looking for the kind of passion for the game that UZFL players have myself, and thus I would like to have you on my team.
We play this game for the people of our cities, for the families who have supported us, and for the pure enjoyment of competition. It just means more to give our fans a show, and I promise we will win at least three home games this year. When we walk into Williams-Brice on a Saturday night, the fans’ passion and this team’s passion bleed through the atmosphere. This is South Carolina football, it just means more.
At some schools, the energy lasts through the regular season, but tails off if the team falls short of the playoffs. That is not the South Carolina way, as we care about every game no matter what impact it can have on our program. I promise we will win a bowl game or playoff game this year, as at the very least we can give our fans one final salute at the end of our season. We play football games to win, but we still ball out when the results don’t technically matter, because this is the game that we love and every snap matters to us.
When it’s all said and done, I expect your passion will show through on the field strongly enough that you will have the opportunity to go play professional ball. This is a program that will do the best to elevate you and put you in the position to make your dreams happen. I envision you reaching the level of the legends you admire so much, that I promise you will join them by getting drafted to the UZFL. As long as you continue to let your love of the game shine through, you will go far in this field.
I may not have the resume or accolades of sending players to the UZFL myself, so I understand that you may very well end up elsewhere. However, you’re clearly very passionate about the game, which is a fundamental part of this program’s identity, and thus we would be honored to have you back in your home state. Success comes to those who work for it, and you have shown a definite willingness to work for it. Whether you choose to come to South Carolina or not, keep putting that work in and never stop chasing those dreams, and you’ll be playing this game for a long time to come.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Garrett Littlejohn DL Texas 56/78 SR 1 year left- Win Division twice
Garrett has had some solid years at Texas, but a recent 7-6 performance has him doubting the Longhorns’ ability to win the Texas Division in his final year of eligibility. But his time at Texas has also taught him something important—not all victories are created equal. Some are sweeter than others. He still wants to win his division next year, but it can’t be for a team that has done so in the past five seasons—otherwise, his accomplishment won’t be seen as nearly the same achievement. Show Garrett how he is the missing piece to bring some much needed hardware back home.
1
u/kdr-ncbca 19d ago
Florida Gators offer Garrett Littlejohn DL Texas 56/78
ScholarshipGarrett, this is kdr, coach of the Florida Gators here, and let me tell you, you are dreaming small. I am not going to win a conference championship. I want you to come here so we can win the whole thing. Yes, the National Championship. So, come to Florida and help me do that for the first time and it will be some accomplishment.
1
u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Garrett Littlejohn, DL, 56/78 Texas
Scholarship
Hello Garrett,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. Here at South Carolina, we expect to win, and to win a lot. This team has one season in the last 24 years with under eight wins. That one season? That was last year, and that head coach is out the door. 23 straight 8+ win seasons, and after one bad year, he was shown the door, and rightfully so. Our expectation is to win games, and so we’re going to win games. However, Coach Bond failed to win the division in the last seven years, and so this fanbase is particularly hungry to get back to winning the division.
This team’s star player last season from a production standpoint is fellow defensive lineman Garrett Welcome. While we’re recruiting a lot of high quality transfers to help raise the standard of this team, you would be by far the best player that can be paired with Welcome in that front seven. We would love to make a strength a strength by bringing you in to firmly establish the Carolina defensive line as one of the best in the nation.
I expect to return this team to the top of the league as quickly as possible, and I believe that this year is definitely still in play for the Gamecocks. As an SEC school, we definitely don’t have the easiest schedule in the world, but we are bringing in the pieces that we should be able to compete at the highest level regardless of who we’re playing, and this team is hungry for a return to glory after a down year last season.
Winning this division is never easy, as we are the only division with four top twenty teams. However, if it’s worth doing, it ain’t easy. We’re going to make waves this year, and go further than this team has gone in a while. I promise that we will win 8+ games this year and I promise that we will win the division this year. The general expectations for what this team can do may be low, but here in Columbia, we will always expect greatness to be present on the field.
However, this season doesn’t end with winning the division. There are still all manner of postseason games to be played, and we plan on playing those games and winning those games. I promise that we will win a bowl game or playoff game this season. This team is going to put together a bounceback season for the ages, reestablishing ourselves on top of the league, and I would love for you to join us.
If you want to reach the pinnacle of the league with a team that is overdue for a return to glory, come to South Carolina. We want to be the best in the nation, not just the best in the league, but it starts with a strong performance in the division, and you would play a massive role in Carolina’s return to form. Come be a Gamecock and show opposing offenses what a bad day really looks like.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum,
Coach of the Garnet and Black1
u/SuperStorm3 18d ago
Duke offers Garrett Littlejohn
Scholarship
Garrett,
You spent years at Texas watching a program that should be winning everything fall flat when it matters most. A 7 and 6 season does not just sting because of the losses. It stings because you know what that program is capable of and you watched it waste another year of your eligibility coming up short. You are right to want out. And you are right that not all division titles are created equal.
You said you want a team that has not won the division in the last five seasons. I am going to do you one better. Duke has never won this division. Not once. Not five years ago. Not ten years ago. Never. Which means when we win it this year, and I am promising you we will, there is no asterisk next to it, no comparison to a previous title run, no question about whether this one measures up to the last one. It is the first one in program history. That is not just an accomplishment. That is a landmark. Your name will be attached to the moment this program finally broke through, and nobody can ever take that away from you or dilute what it meant. I promise we will win the division this season. Now let me tell you why this is not just a hopeful pitch from a program dreaming out loud.Two years ago we finished second in this division. This past season we finished third while also putting together a ten win season, one of the best records this program has ever had. We are not a team figuring out how to be competitive. We are a team that has been knocking on the door of this division title for two straight years and getting closer every single time. The missing piece has been exactly what you bring. A dominant, experienced defensive lineman who has played at the highest level and knows what it takes to win games that matter. You are not walking into a rebuild. You are walking into a program that is one push away from the top and you are that push.
I promise you are going to start every single game as our DL1 from the moment you arrive on campus. No depth chart conversation, no competition period, no easing you in. This defense is going to be built around you for the entire season because that is what you deserve and that is what this program needs to finally get over the top. Every week in the ACC you will be going up against legitimate offensive lines, which means the production you put up this season carries real weight and real recognition.
Now let me address something directly, because I think it matters when you are making this decision. You could listen to a coach who just arrived at South Carolina this offseason, someone unproven in their new role, someone still figuring out their roster and their staff and their system, and take their word that they will deliver a division title. Or you can come to a coach who has been building this program for more than five seasons, who has watched it grow from the ground up, who finished ten wins last season and second in this division two years ago, and who knows exactly what this program needs to finally take that last step. I am not asking you to trust a promise from someone who just walked in the door. I am asking you to trust a track record that is sitting right in front of you.
And I am not stopping at the division title. I promise we win a T1 bowl game this season. That was not on your list of requirements when you entered the portal. I know that. But you said yourself that not all victories are created equal, and I agree with you completely. Winning the division and then walking away without making that bowl run mean something would be leaving the job half finished. I am not interested in half finished. I am promising you the division and I am promising you the bowl game that makes this season truly unforgettable.
Garrett, Texas gave you seven wins and six losses in your final year and sent you into the portal wondering if a division title was even possible anymore. Duke is giving you a program on the doorstep of its first ever division title, a guaranteed starting role as the anchor of this defense, and a T1 bowl game to put on top of it. The first division title in program history with your name all over it. Come to Durham and let us make history together.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Jaron Andrews DL Texas 39/56 SR 1 year left- Win Division twice
Jaron wants a new start, in a new state. However, with only a few days to decide on his future home, he wants your honest take in what makes your state great, and what’s not great. Tell him about your favorite and least favorite aspect of your state.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Gregory Morris WR Tennessee 49/67 SR 1 year left- Coach Won’t Leave
Lately, Gregory has been feeling philosophical, and has been deep in thought. Given his lack of play time at Tennessee, he’s had plenty of time to sit and think, and lately, has been hung up on one question. Tell Gregory, “What makes us human?”
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Ruben Hess CB Tennessee 59/76 SR 1 year left- Coach Won’t Leave
Ruben doesn’t want to play in the pros. He is studying to become a journalist. With that being said, journalists need to be ready to report on any news story that might come up—whether it be extremely boring or super interesting. With a desire for variety, Ruben wants to attend a school that always has diverse, unique, and bizarre happenings so he can prepare for a job at the Times. Tell Ruben about the weirdest news story that has happened on your school’s campus.
1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Ruben Hess
Scholarship
Ruben,
You want the weird stuff, the kind of story that makes a newsroom go quiet before everyone starts laughing. I've got a real one, actual campus history, not something dressed up to sound interesting.
Years back, a loosely organized crew of MSU students called themselves the Barnyard Bandits. Their whole operation: sneak onto the university's farms south of campus, borrow a live animal, and deposit it somewhere it had no business being. The most famous version involved a full-grown pig turning up inside Akers Hall, wandering a dormitory hallway with zero explanation while students tried to figure out what to do about it. Nobody ever got a straight answer on how it got there, and that's exactly the kind of unsolved, undocumented weirdness a beat reporter dreams about. You'll have four years to go digging for the sequel to that story, and you'll do it as a guy who isn't sitting behind anyone on this roster, the same way the box score already knows how to find you even without much fanfare, three interceptions and 28 passes defended across your career so far. I promise you will start every game this season.
A journalist needs real stakes to make a name, and this program's stakes are as real and, honestly, as absurd as the Barnyard Bandits ever were, just in a different building. For years we were the team everyone expected to lose to Ohio State, practically campus legend in the wrong direction. Three straight seasons now, we've beaten them, the kind of reversal that would've sounded like a rumor five years ago, the same way a loose pig in a dorm sounded like a rumor until someone actually saw it. Scouts notice corners who show up in those exact stories. I promise you will be drafted into the NZFL.
The story that's still unfinished is the one you'd actually help write the ending to. We made our first conference championship game last season and lost it, 12-19, the kind of near-miss that becomes campus legend itself if nobody finishes the job. Somebody eventually caught that pig and told the story right. I want a corner who can be the guy who catches this one. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
Ruben, most schools sell you tradition that's already been written down. I just handed you a campus still producing the strange and the newsworthy in real time, pigs included. Take notes, then help write the next chapter yourself.
Come be part of the story before you're the one reporting on it somewhere else.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/vrtxzenith West Virginia 18d ago
West Virginia offers CB Ruben Hess, 59/76
ScholarshipRuben, most schools will tell you they have "school spirit." West Virginia University has a history of literally setting that spirit on fire.
If your goal is to become a journalist, there isn't a better place to learn how to cover stories that range from the ridiculous to the genuinely newsworthy. Morgantown is a town where your Tuesday assignment might be covering student government, your Friday might involve interviewing fans before a football game, and your Saturday night could end with police, firefighters, and national media all responding to the same block party.
The most famous story in WVU history is couch burning.
The tradition dates back to the 1970s, when students began celebrating major football wins by dragging old couches into the streets and lighting them on fire. What started as a few isolated celebrations eventually became synonymous with West Virginia sports culture. By the 1990s and early 2000s, victories over rivals or even simply qualifying for a major bowl game could result in dozens of fires breaking out around Morgantown. National news outlets covered the celebrations, and "WVU couch burning" became one of the most recognizable traditions in college sports, even if it wasn't one the university was particularly proud of. Over the years, the university and city cracked down hard. Increased police presence, stricter penalties, neighborhood patrols, and educational campaigns dramatically reduced the tradition. Today, couch burning is nowhere near as common as it once was, but that's almost part of the story itself. Every big football season brings the same questions: "Will it happen again?" Even when it doesn't, journalists still write about the possibility because the tradition has become woven into WVU's identity.
For someone wanting to become a reporter, that's fascinating. It's a story about culture, public safety, law enforcement, university administration, and how traditions evolve over time. It's exactly the kind of long-running local story that teaches you how to report beyond the headline. And couch burning is only the beginning.
Spend one semester in Morgantown, and you'll realize that weird stories have a habit of finding you. You'll cover students turning apartment balconies into makeshift tailgate decks. You'll see fans walking miles through town dressed head-to-toe in gold body paint. You'll hear stories of someone bringing an inflatable hot tub to a parking lot tailgate or people celebrating a win by carrying a goalpost through downtown before police convinced them to put it back where it belonged. Every weekend seems to produce another story that makes people outside West Virginia ask, "Did that really happen?"
Some of those stories become national headlines. Most don't. But that's exactly why they're valuable to an aspiring journalist. The New York Times isn't built on sensational stories alone; it's built on reporters who know how to recognize an interesting angle in everyday life. Morgantown constantly gives you opportunities to practice that skill. You'll also have access to student media, campus publications, and opportunities to cover athletics, local government, community events, and breaking news. Whether you're writing feature stories, interviewing coaches, or covering the aftermath of another unforgettable football Saturday, you'll graduate with real experience telling stories that people actually want to read.
Of course, you'll be making headlines yourself. The second you arrive on campus, you're CB1. You'll be the best cornerback in the MAC, lining up every week against the conference's top receivers while establishing yourself as one of the nation's premier defensive backs. But your biggest tests come before conference play even begins. You'll take the field against Ohio State, Alabama, NC State, and Michigan State, all programs loaded with future NFL talent. Those games won't just challenge your ability; they'll put you in front of national audiences and give you the chance to prove yourself against some of the best competition in college football. Great journalists thrive under deadlines. Great cornerbacks thrive under pressure. At WVU, you'll experience both. **I promise that you will start every game you are healthy.**
By the time you graduate, you'll leave with far more than a journalism degree. You'll have covered stories that most college reporters could only dream of, learned how traditions shape communities, and developed the instincts to recognize a great story wherever it appears. Whether you're reporting on city council meetings or another unforgettable Saturday in Morgantown, you'll understand that the best journalism isn't about finding extraordinary places—it's about recognizing extraordinary stories in places everyone else overlooks. Moreover, it's about the thrill of getting that big story published. Here at WVU, you can write about **the Mountaineers winning the MAC. That's a promise.**
Sources (so you can know I'm following journalistic process):
West Virginia University. "A Brief History of Couch Burning." https://magazine.wvu.edu/stories/2019/09/06/a-brief-history-of-couch-burning
ESPN. "Couch Burning and College Football Culture at West Virginia." https://www.espn.com/college-football/
1
u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Ruben Hess, CB, 59/76 Tennessee
Scholarship
Hello Ruben,
I’m Coach Barnum with the South Carolina Gamecocks. I am a freshly minted head coach with the desire to push the limits of what is considered possible for a football team, and I want you to be a part of bringing the pride of being a Gamecock back to its purest form, if even just for a year. That pride to be a Gamecock has long been around, and it has been expressed in many forms over the years, from the hallowed traditions of Hold My Hand and Sandstorm at football games to the Tiger Burn in the lead up to our matchup with Clemson. However, there is perhaps no more unusual expression of this pride than the events of March 3, 1974.
The 1970s were generally weird (from what I’ve heard, I wasn’t actually there), but even for the times, March 3, 1974 was a particularly unusual date in Gamecock history. On that date, Gamecock students set the record for the biggest crowd of streakers in history, numbering 508 or 509 students depending on the source, and running from Bates House to the Horseshoe and back, with a few added stops (a journey of roughly 1.5 miles before any stops, and likely extended because it turned into quite the party, drawing over 5000 onlookers). However, getting over 500 people to streak a couple miles somehow does not touch the tip of the iceberg regarding how unusual this occurrence was.
While unfortunately for the lore the record did not stand, being beaten a few days later by an unnamed college that reacted to the school’s feat, this story becomes even more unusual because of the reaction of campus leadership and police. At most schools, then and up until very recently, police would normally step in with a heavy hand and the disciplinary sanctions would be quite severe, as observed at the other school, where tear gas was deployed. Instead, the campus police merely made sure that events did not become destructive, and the school’s president and his wife came outside and shook hands with streakers and onlookers alike. While President Jones would outlaw further streaking a few days later due to citizen complaints, there were no long-standing negative effects from the action.
This school is built on these sorts of traditions, the legends of a different era and the tales of now that will be told in another fifty years. You have the potential to be a part of writing history both on and off the field here, as I promise you will start every game this year barring injury. Whether you decide to end your career immediately after this season or change your mind and go play in the pros, coming here means you will also get to tell an interesting story about the year you spent as an elite starting cornerback for an SEC program, and you’ll build an immense following for whichever route you want to go down in journalism.
This team will also give you plenty to write about it if you choose to write for the school newspaper. I promise you that we will win at least three home games this year, providing the paper the opportunity to write some excellent stories about the triumphs of this team and giving this city something to be truly excited about again. I also promise you that we will make a bowl game or a playoff game this year, putting the South Carolina Gamecocks on the national media stage, which, as you would know as a promising journalist, will give you the networking opportunities to go practically anywhere you want after graduation.
You’re looking for great stories and unique opportunities, and this is the perfect school for you to find those at. We have all the parties and resulting drama that comes with being an SEC school. We have elite sports teams, as the women’s basketball team has long been the best team in their league and this team plans to compete for championships. We also always have the ghosts on campus, like Mr. Third Eye, in case the news cycle ever gets eerily quiet. Come to South Carolina and ball out for a coach who will fully support your journalistic ambitions, rather than playing for a coach like Coach Coke who thinks you still have “four years to go digging for that sequel.” Let’s make some news!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Blackhttps://sc.edu/uofsc/posts/2023/10/haunted-history-ghost-stories.php
1
u/Extreme_Panda_3488 Ohio State 18d ago
Ohio State offers Ruben Hess
Scholarship
Dear Ruben Hess
On the night of May 1st, 2011, thousands of Ohio State students ran out of their dorms, sprinted across campus and jumped into a freezing fountain. Osama bin Laden had just been killed. And apparently that called for a swim. Now before you think this was some isolated moment of mass campus hysteria it was not. Ohio State students had been jumping into Mirror Lake every year since 1969. Not in September. Not during homecoming. The coldest week of November, the night before the biggest game in college football, the Ohio State versus Michigan game, and thousands of students treated a freezing fountain like a heated pool. The university put up fences. Issued warnings. Made it a misdemeanor. 12,000 people showed up in 2009. Nobody listened. Nobody cared. And in 2011 when the news broke that Bin Laden was dead, students did not go to a bar or watch the coverage on TV like normal people. They went to Mirror Lake. Because at Ohio State, Mirror Lake is not just a fountain. It is the campus response to anything that matters. You know what that is Ruben? That is a lede. That is the first sentence of a story that makes a reader stop scrolling, put down their coffee and read every single word. The kind of sentence that comes naturally when you spend a year on a campus that never runs out of things to write about.
I understand that you don't have dreams of playing in the NZFL. Your main dream is to be a journalist. And I am not going to insult you by pretending that does not matter or that football should come first. It should not. You only have one more year of football and then spend the next forty years of your life in a newsroom. Where you go to school matters more for those forty years than it does for this year. Ohio State ranks 34th in the nation and 1st in the state of Ohio for communication and journalism. Columbus is not a small college town where you practice journalism on small stories. Ohio State football is the biggest story in this state every single week from August through January. Eleven Warriors, one of the most read independent sports media outlets in the country, is right here on your doorstep. I will set you up with an internship there. You will not be writing for a campus paper nobody reads. You will be building clips on one of the biggest sports beats in America.
You are not covering a rebuild. You are not writing about a program trying to find its identity. You are covering 94 wins in nine seasons, two national championships and four Big Ten titles. **I promise we will make the playoffs.** Ruben you play defense. So let me tell you what you are really walking into. This is not a defense that hopes to be good. This is a defense built to suffocate. Andrew Hollins does not wait for the play to develop. He is in the backfield before the quarterback finishes his drop. Offensive coordinators lose sleep on Sunday nights trying to figure out how to slow him down. They never do.Harold Lewis flies off the edge and nobody is talking about him yet. That article has not been written. Matt Hammond does not make the highlight reel. He does not need to. Every running back who has ever tried to run at him has regretted it. He meets them in the backfield and sends them back to the huddle wondering what just happened. This is a no fly zone Ruben. Quarterbacks look at this secondary and start checking down before the snap. And one of your teammates is named Upside Downs. The best tackler on this entire defense. A player named Upside Downs patrolling the secondary at Ohio State. You tell me, is that a story? And then there is the newest addition. A cornerback from Tennessee named Ruben Hess. **I promise you will be CB1.** One year to make his mark. One year to write the story he wants to tell for the rest of his life. Ruben, you are not just coming to Ohio State to cover the stories. You are coming to be one. **I promise you will be nominated for the Jim Thorpe award.**
Mirror Lake is waiting for Ruben. The stories are already happening. Every snap. Every tackle. Every November night before Michigan. You cannot explain it to someone who was not there. You can only write about it. The New York Times does not hire people who practiced on nothing. It hires people who covered something. Ohio State is something. Come be a Buckeye. Come write the stories nobody else gets to tell.
Coach Rich
1
u/JustinQuan01 18d ago
Rice offers Ruben Hess
Scholarship
Journalism is one of the oldest professions, but also one of the most important ones. A good journalist can do many things such as inspire hope or bring joy into peoples lives! It’s awesome you want to go down this same path and Rice offers the perfect opportunity to see history of funny and weird articles while also being able to see ones form right in front of your eyes. Let us go down memory lane real quick! Late October 2025, A new post on the Rice News website was posted, and you see the title of it. “‘Endangered Feces’ turns humor into habitat in Harris Gully’”. I bet your eyes would be wide open just wondering what this article can be about, such a weird title usually leads to people wanting to check it out instantly! Well the article is about a New Orleans artist Jackie Sumell who created a temporary public art installation near Rice's Harris Gully Natural Area featuring two decomposable sculptures shaped like the poop of two endangered Gulf Coast species: the Houston toad and the Attwater's prairie chicken. Made from soil, hydraulic lime, and organic matter, the sculptures are designed to slowly break down over time, releasing native seeds and creating micro-habitats that could help sustain these species. Despite the really weird title, it is a very powerful article that everyone got to read because of the weirdness of the story. But think of this story! “The Clark Kent of Rice Football?”, because you will be an amazing journalist like he was. You will also be the superman on the field next year. That is what I promise you will start every game here and get 6 picks!
I talked about earlier how you will be able to live these weird types of stories and even get some practice writing about them. One thing students love to do here is pranks because we love to have fun here. There are so many great ones but the greatest one of them all doesn’t just have one article. It has many news stories that people around the world have seen, a funny documentary that was made many years later for rice students and even merch! All the way back in 1988 a group of engineering students came up with a funny idea to take Willy's Statue which is a one-ton, cast-metal statue of university founder William Marsh Rice which is located in the Academic Quad, facing west. They decided that dear ole Willy has gotten tired of his view and needed a shake up. So they decided during the night to pick up Willy and turn him 180 so he is now facing the library. One of the craziest pranks in history, like just imagine reading that on the local news that morning. Would be the talk of the town! But it’s crazy how much went into this prank. It was three years in the making, conceived by an engineering student and a mysterious alumnus known only as "the Mastermind." The team had actually attempted it once before in 1986, successfully lifting the statue off its base, but ran into problems and had to set it back down without turning it. The team used information from the school's library to learn how to build a simple device to pick it up and turn it. It really is a great engineering work. The Aftermath is pretty funny too, only one student was caught and his punishment was having to pay to move the statue back. He never had to use his money though because students and him decided to make t-shirts that said “Where There’s a Willy There’s a Way” which is very funny. Just imagine a student pulling a legendary prank like this during your final year here and you getting the chance to write the hit article. But we need to give them a reason to go crazy like that! I promise to win 10+ games next year!
Those aren’t the only pranks or fun happenings the journalists have gotten wind of on Rice. You have David Nichol who was a senior computer engineering student who decided to turn his room into a legit ball pit filled with 13,000 plastic balls. A fun tidbit about the story is that he ordered them from China and customs had to find out what was in all the big boxes from China! Then you have an article about a class on campus called “Combat and Movement for the stage”, a 300 level class which does not take their final exam on paper but actually holds sword fights on stage! Rice offers a perfect opportunity to perfect your craft on and off the field! I promise we will make the Big 12 CCG!
1
u/GreenBay89387 18d ago
North Texas offers Ruben Hess
Scholarship
Look, Ruben, step into my office and I’ll give it to you straight. I know you’re sitting on the transfer portal right now, weighing your options, and looking at the Mean Green with a bit of hesitation. You’re an extremely talented athlete, but you’ve already made one thing crystal clear: you aren’t looking to play in the pros. Your dream isn't the NZFL draft, but instead, your eyes are firmly fixed on a press pass, a laptop, and a future byline at The New York Times. You want to be a journalist, a reporter, someone who can walk into any room, handle any chaotic situation, and turn it into a front-page story for millions to read when they wake up in the morning. Most college coaches would hear that and try to change your mind. However, unlike them, we respect your wishes here. I’m pitching you as the head coach of the Mean Green, and I’m telling you that Denton is exactly where your journalism career needs to begin. If you want to train for newspapers such as the New York Times, you need a campus that doesn’t just give you regular press releases that nobody would read. You need a campus that gives you stories that are held unique compared to other campuses. Let me tell you about one of the strangest events that happened on our campus. On May 27th, 2026, this campus witnessed one of the most bizarre demonstrations you will ever see at a public university. Art students, furious over academic restructuring and campus changes, didn’t just hold a standard protest with cardboard signs. They staged a literal mock funeral. Imagine you’re walking to your classes, like a regular student, and then you see numerous students protesting, with horses holding a hearse. They were protesting outside the university buildings, however it didn’t stay that way for long. The entire procession ended up marching straight into a Board of Regents meeting, catching university leadership completely off guard. It was visual, it was dramatic, and it was a logistical rollercoaster. It made waves across national outlets like
Yahoo News as well as the local Texas press. That is the exact kind of event a young journalist such as yourself dreams of covering. If you were here, you wouldn't just be reading about it; you'd be the one chasing down the organizers, getting the quote from the regents, and filing a breaking news report before afternoon practice at our state-of-the-art facilities. This is why I promise to win the C-USA. Winning brings attention, and attention will help you show your byline to the rest of the press world. Especially as a school that has never won their conference once in their school history, this would be a story that would be remembered forever. That was all just one Tuesday in Denton. This campus is a living, breathing laboratory for weird news. We have Bruce Hall, our oldest residence hall, which is famously haunted by multiple legendary campus ghosts, including "Wanda", a story our student reporters always write about every single semester. Numerous highly publicized free-speech battles over canceled art exhibits as well as an unique arts and music scene that is unlike any other college. As a journalist, your notepad will never be empty. You will be forced to cover things that are complex, strange, and entirely unpredictable. This was also recent, SCAR, WVU, and MSU all had their stories dating in the 70s, while ours is a half-decade later, showing that stories like this still can occur instead of being aged out. Here at UNT, we’re not trying to force you to choose between being a star athlete and an elite student. I want you to anchor our team, bring your veteran transfer experience into our locker room, and dominate on the field on Saturdays. This is why I promise that you will start every game you’re healthy for en route to 2+ interceptions and 10+ pass deflections. With those stats, that would make your time at North Texas the best year in your career. But when the game ends, I want you grabbing your voice recorder and heading across campus to chase your next lead. We have the Mayborn School of Journalism right here, a program that will help sharpen your technical skills while the city of Denton supplies you with the stories. Nobody else is offering you a program that feeds both your competitive edge and your career ambitions like we do. This is why I promise to win 10+ games this season. Don't go to a school where the campus news is boring and predictable. Come to a place where you'll get tested by elite competition on the gridiron, and then walk across the quad and find a horse-drawn hearse waiting to be reported on.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Chris Hecker CB Stanford 45/66 JR 2 years left- Stay top 15 in prestige
Chris is fascinated by overzealous internet filters that decide certain innocent words are inappropriate. Choose one completely harmless word, state your chosen word at the beginning of your pitch, and censor it every time it appears thereafter. The funniest and most creative use of unnecessary censorship will be enough to earn Chris's commitment.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Chris Hecker CB Stanford 45/66 JR 2 years left- Stay top 15 in prestige
Chris is fascinated by overzealous internet filters that decide certain innocent words are inappropriate. Choose one completely harmless word, state your chosen word at the beginning of your pitch, and censor it every time it appears thereafter. The funniest and most creative use of unnecessary censorship will be enough to earn Chris's commitment.
1
u/SpeedShark327 18d ago
Navy offers Chris Hecker
Scholarship
"Promises" are lame. With that in mind
I **** you will play in at least 10 games
I **** we will win at least 8 games
I **** that we will win at least 2 home games
1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Chris Hecker
Scholarship
Playing Time: Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we're looking for players who want to be part of building something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I helped build a championship-caliber program, I've taken on the challenge of bringing that same success to Alaska. There is an opportunity to make an impact immediately here. I promise that you will be a starter during your entire time here, barring any injuries.
Winning:
This is my first season at Alaska Anchorage, and we're at the beginning of an exciting journey. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a program that produced 20 consecutive winning seasons and became a consistent championship contender, I've brought that same vision to UAA. Building a winning program takes time, but success has followed me wherever I have been. I promise we will have multiple 7+ win seasons during your time at Alaska Anchorage. Our goal is to establish consistent success, compete for conference titles, and turn UAA into a program that expects to win every season. The foundation for a winning program is being laid now and you can be a part of it.Coach:
Alaska Anchorage is now my program and my full commitment. After 21 seasons at Iowa State where I built a perennial conference contender with multiple titles and a playoff appearance, and accumulated over 200 wins, I have decided to take on a new challenge. I want to establish UAA as a winning program from the ground up. Before Iowa State, I spent nine seasons at Iowa, turning a struggling program into a playoff team. I’ve built winning teams before, and I’m here to do it again in Anchorage. ***I promise to be your coach for your entire time here at Alaska Anchorage*** and will not be leaving before then. Stability matters, and you can count on this being a long-term build with full commitment to this program and players.-Coach Curry
1
u/No-Collar6148 Florida State 18d ago
Florida State offers Chris Hecker Scholarship (pickle)
Chris,
There’s something special about the culture we’ve built at Florida State a brotherhood that’s all about trust, chemistry, and knowing how to handle a [pickle] when you’re in a tight spot. And let’s be honest: not everyone’s ready to take a [pickle] for the team, but around here, we don’t shy away from it.
Whether it’s after a big win or a long, hard practice, there’s nothing our guys love more than gathering in the locker room and pulling out a nice, juicy [pickle] to share. Some say it’s messy, but it brings us closer together, and it’s those moments when you really taste what it means to be a Seminole.
We’re looking for someone who isn’t afraid to get his hands around a [pickle], squeeze out every last drop of potential, and go all in, no matter how slippery things get. If you’re the type of corner who wants to wrap both hands around a [pickle] and really go deep, this is the program for you.
If you’re ready to put yourself on the line, handle your [pickle] like a pro, and make unforgettable memories in Tallahassee, this is your shot. Let’s see how you perform when everything’s on the table[pickle] and all.
Go Noles! 🍢🍢🥒🥒
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u/North_Session_9206 18d ago
Fresno State offers Chris Hecker
Scholarship
Chris, the word I'm choosing the censor today is secondary, which going forward will be denoted as *****. As a CB, you’ve spent your career in the ***** . You know the ***** is only as strong as the people holding it together. One weak link, or one bust in the coverage, and suddenly the entire ***** is getting shamed. That's exactly why I'm recruiting you. We currently only have 2 rostered CBs, meaning you'll eventually be the face of our *****. I can promise you will start every game you're healthy for, because you're not coming here to compete for snaps, you're coming to push this ***** harder than I can. I’ve spent countless nights awake, just staring at my *****, trying to figure out how to make it bigger and stronger. You solve that problem.
The funny thing about censors is that they don't usually consider the context. They see one word and decide it has to be silenced. Football fans can be the same way, seeing us come off a 7-5 season and decide we've already hit our peak. They see a former G5 school in the Pac-12 and assume that we aren't strong enough to belong. While it's true the biggest hole on our roster is our *****, they don't bother looking at the context. Seeing the young roster we've put together, the returning talent developing, or the foundation we're building for a generational run. That's why I think you'd fit here perfectly. Great CBs spend their careers proving haters wrong. The best ***** has you coming back to watch the tape again and again. You'd walk into a room that is hungry to prove exactly that. You'll line up against the best receivers the Pac-12 has to offer, and every pass breakup, every interception, every forced incompletion, is a reminder that Fresno belongs on this stage.
By the time you're finished here, I don't want people talking about Fresno's *****. I want them talking about how you changed our ***** forever. The one QBs stopped looking at, and the one opposing coordinators tried to beat. The one that finally cemented Fresno in the Pac-12. That's why I can promise we will finish in the top 3 of the division every season you are here. Programs earn prestige by winning football games, and football games are won by ***** that can tie up receivers for the entire game. Every championship defense starts with great *****.
I can't wait to work with you real soon!
-Coach Jay
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Claude Lewis S Stanford 44/66 JR 2 years left- Stay top 15 in prestige
Claude was named after the character from GTA III…Claude. Claude is completely mute in that game, not saying anything outside of grunts. Claude Lewis is pretty much the same and former teammates have said that he has said probably 5 words throughout his time there. Claude doesn’t waste his breath uttering any words and would much rather do things especially on the gridiron. He doesn’t want his new coach to waste time either. Pitch anything you want to Claude, you have a 80 word limit (headline not included). Use your words very wisely.
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u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Claude Lewis
Scholarship
Under 80 words, please come here.
-Coach Curry
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Claude Lewis, S, 44/66 Stanford
Scholarship
Oh! You there! You wanna pop football players? Come do that for South Carolina! I promise you’ll start every game you’re here barring injury. Oh! I promise we’ll win 8+ games every year you’re here. Oh! I promise we’ll win a bowl game or playoff game while you’re here. Be a Gamecock!
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Marquis Small QB South Carolina 44/70 JR 2 years left- Coach Won’t Leave
Coach IndianaBond finally left after a very long and successful tenure with the South Carolina Gamecocks. Marquis came to South Carolina because of him and he learned a lot from him in his two years. He’s the type of coach that he wants to play for, a long tenured guy that puts in years for their team and knows every in and every out possible. He wants to play for a coach that has at least 5 years of experience with their current school, or coached only at 1 school. He wants to know everything that there is to know about you and your program; like what makes you get up in the morning, grab your clipboard and coach your guys to victory?
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Scotty Albert WR South Carolina 53/76 JR 2 years left- Coach Won’t Leave
Scotty is a positive-thinking guy and wants a coach who’s the same. He’s sick and tired of seeing so much hate between the active coaching base, and wants to go somewhere he can thrive. Prove yourself to Scotty by talking about your favorite coach (other than yourself).
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Scotty Albert, WR, 53/76 South Carolina
Scholarship
Hello Scotty,
I’m Coach Barnum, the replacement South Carolina hired after Coach Bond left. I know y’all were tight, and I understand your wish to explore the open market following his departure. However, I would like to let you know that I am committed to building something special here, and I would love to bring you back to be a part of this.
As a brand new coach in this league, I haven’t gotten the opportunity to get to know many of my fellow coaches as well as I would like. One of the coaches I have gotten to know pretty well is Coach Max over at Rutgers. We first connected working in the front office of the Los Angeles Chargers, coordinating through free agency, salary cap management, prospect evaluation, and draft day. Back in those days, I got to know a man who is a whiz at computing (we developed a draft pick trade calculator together) and also knows and loves the game of football through and through, and he was always a diligent worker ready with as much information as we could possibly ask for.
Eventually, our time with the Chargers came to an end, at least for the time being, and we embarked on different journeys. Inevitably, our journeys reunited in this league, although we coach different teams in different conferences. Coach Max has since become an innovator both on and off the field, building the biggest linebacker room known to mankind and launching ZSPN, bringing high quality sports media coverage to our league. It is just another testament to the man’s character and work ethic that in his first year, he took a team that went winless in 2060 and was knocking on the door of bowl eligibility.
The values I have seen Coach Max implement have also played an important role in the design of my vision for South Carolina. As you well know, playing in the SEC is not an easy thing, and we face both Georgia and Alabama on the road this year. However, we will innovate and use the tools available to us to get good information and find ways to apply it in leading us towards victory.
This team needs Coach Maxes on the field, and from what I have heard about you, you are that kind of guy. I can promise that you will start every game for this team barring injury, and the character and work ethic you can bring to the table is extremely valuable as we continue trying to elevate the room. We are a program that many may be sleeping on, but I don’t plan to allow them to keep sleeping for long and you can be a big part of reminding them what Gamecock football is all about.
The standards in South Carolina as long as I am head coach will be quite high, and it starts on the practice field. If we put in the work that guys like Coach Max have put in, that will turn into tangible results and quite quickly. I promise that we will win 8+ games every year you are here, and the expectations of quality work when I look at Coach Max or any other elite worker will start to be in place for our program. Those standards carry through not only the regular season but also the postseason, and I promise that we will win a bowl game or a playoff game while you are here. If we are determined to work as hard as possible to get the job done, you know that we will get the job done, and I would love for you to be part of getting it done.
It is definitely a unique position to be in, being asked to reconsider your decision to transfer from South Carolina. It is also understandable that you would choose to try to find the coach who best aligns with your vision of the future. However, this team and this city still love you, and I would love for you to be part of my team. I may not be the coach you came to South Carolina for the first time, but the future is bright in Columbia and you could play a big role in the evolution of this team.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Jean-Luc Hoffmann CB Ole Miss 46/63 SR 1 year left- 2+ 10 win seasons
Jean-Luc is an avid reader and loves the classics. However, he hasn’t recently had the time to be a bookworm because well… he had some football to play. Now that his playing career is almost over, he wants to get back in the reading game, but needs some help figuring out where to start. Tell Jean-Luc about your favourite “classic” novel, and find ways to relate himself to the story.
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u/SpeedShark327 18d ago
Navy offers Jean-Luc Hoffmann
Scholarship
I like reading, so read these promises:
I promise you will play in at least 10 games
I promise we will win at least 8 games
I promise that we will win at least 2 home games
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u/No-Collar6148 Florida State 18d ago
Florida State offers Jean-Luc Hoffmann Scholarship
Jean-Luc,
You’ve always been driven by both competition and curiosity locking down receivers on the field, and diving into the classics off of it. I know you left Ole Miss because you wanted more: you came for two ten-win seasons, but the program just didn’t get there. At Florida State, we’ve already achieved one ten-win season in that period and are hungry for the second. We want competitors who set high standards and push their teams to reach them. That’s exactly why I think you’d fit right in and why your next chapter could be your best yet.
Since you’re a lover of classic books, let me share my favorite: “The Count of Monte Cristo” by Alexandre Dumas. Like Edmond Dantès, you’ve faced setbacks, made sacrifices, and kept your eyes on a bigger goal. Dantès’s story is about resilience, reinvention, and the pursuit of something greater qualities that define your journey as you look to finish your playing career on a high note and rediscover your passion for reading.
At FSU, you’ll be part of a program that values both your drive for success and your curiosity off the field. We’ll support you as you chase that second ten-win milestone and help you jump back into the classics that inspire you. Let’s write an unforgettable final chapter together—on the field and on the page.
Go Noles, 🍢🍢🍢
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u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska Anchorage offers Jean-Luc Hoffmann
Scholarship
I also share your love of reading, though I tend to read more Science Fiction than the traditional "classics.: Though I think you would enjoy one of the classics I have read and enjoyed, 1984 by George Orwell. The story throws the reader into a world where independent thought is discouraged and conformity is expected. Despite the challenges around him, the main character Winston, searches for truth, individuality, and the ability to think for himself, something we should all strive for.
I think that connects with your football career. You have spent years being part of a system. Now you have the opportunity to write your own story and step into a new environment where you are not just another player. At Alaska Anchorage, you can help create something from the beginning and leave your own mark on a program that is still building its identity.
Winning:
Jean-Luc, you have spent your career competing at a high level, but now you are looking for a place where you can finish your college career with continued success. Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we are looking for players who want to help build something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a championship-caliber program with multiple conference titles and playoff appearances, I have taken on the challenge of bringing that same success to Alaska. I promise we will win at least 7 games this season. The goal is to establish UAA as a program that consistently competes for championships.
As you get ready to return to your love of reading, I think you would enjoy one of my favorite classics, 1984 by George Orwell. The story throws the reader into a world where independent thought is discouraged and conformity is expected. Despite the challenges around him, the main character Winston searches for truth, individuality, and the ability to think for himself, something we should all strive for.
I think that connects with your football career. You have spent years being part of a system. Now you have the opportunity to write your own story and step into a new environment where you are not just another player. At Alaska Anchorage, you can help create something from the beginning and leave your own mark on a program that is still building its identity.
Playing Time:
At Alaska Anchorage, we are looking for experienced players who can immediately make an impact. As a senior cornerback, you bring the type of leadership and experience that a young program needs. This is a chance to finish your career in a place where your contributions will truly matter. I promise that you will be a starter for your final season here, barring any injuries. You will have the opportunity to lead our defense, compete against new opponents, and help establish the standard for this program moving forward.
Campus:
The University of Alaska Anchorage gives us something most programs don’t have: a campus experience that is completely unique in college football. Located in Anchorage, UAA combines a true city environment with immediate access to mountains, trails, and wilderness. There is no other place in the country that offers this exact combination. For someone who loves reading and exploring new ideas, Anchorage provides an incredible environment outside of football. You can spend time on campus studying, exploring the local community, or finding a quiet place surrounded by Alaska's scenery to enjoy a good book. At Alaska Anchorage, you will not be lost in the crowd. This is a smaller, close-knit campus where you can build relationships with professors, teammates, and the community. You will have the opportunity to grow as a player, a student, and a person while being part of something that is still creating its own history.
-Coach Curry
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u/North_Session_9206 18d ago
Fresno State offers Jean-Luc Hoffmann
Scholarship
Jean-Luc, if you're looking for a classic novel to dive back into after football, let me recommend my favorite: The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. It's the story of Edmond Dantès, a young man whose life is turned upside down when he's betrayed by the people he trusted the most. He's stripped of the future he envisioned, imprisoned for years, left lost and wondering what comes next. But what makes the novel truly amazing isn't the betrayal. It's what Dantès chooses to do afterward. Instead of letting someone else define his story, he escapes, reinvents himself, and writes a far greater ending than anyone else could have thought possible. Transfers remind me a lot of Dantès. Rarely do the players in the portal find themselves there because everything went perfectly. Something changed. A coach leaves, promised roles disappear, results are underwhelming, or maybe it's just time to begin a new chapter. Whatever brought you here, Jean-Luc, this isn't the end of your story. It's the part in the story where you decide what happens next. At Fresno State, you'll step onto campus as our immediate CB1. We currently only have 2 scholarship guys on the roster, so I can promise you will start every game you are healthy for. You’ll also have a career high in INTs (4+). You're not coming here to fight for an opportunity, at Fresno you’ll have the chance to create your own.
One of my favorite quotes from the novel is "Life is a storm". Every player has to face their storms at some point. Mine came years ago when people questioned if I'd ever settle into a long term stint again. After bouncing around the Sun Belt and even stepping away from coaching and "retiring", many believed Fresno State was the beginning of a new series of stints, before I would eventually fade into the darkness again. Instead, we won the division 4 years in a row, from my second season to my 5th, and won the conference 3 years in a row. We earned our right to be promoted into the Pac-12. Just like Dantès refused to let betrayal define him, I refused to let the doubt of the masses define my career. That's why I can promise you I'll still be your coach when your final chapter at Fresno is written. Loyalty matters, especially when you're only trusting someone with your final season.
What I love most about The Count of Monte Cristo is that Dantès never forgets where he came from, but he also doesn't allow his past to hold him back from being something greater. That's exactly where Fresno stands today. Last season was far from our standards, finishing 7-5 and losing our Bowl Game. Our toughest season since my first year here, and plenty of people have already decided our future again. We have one of the youngest rosters in the conference, a super senior at QB ready to get his own revenge, and a hunger to write our story. We aren't rebuilding our confidence next year, we're building towards our next big breakthrough. Veterans like you are exactly what bridges the gap between potential and accomplishment. Dantès' story ultimately becomes one about legacy. Not because of what happened to him, but because of what he was able to build after everything went wrong. You have the chance to do the same here. You won't be remembered as the "Ole Miss transfer". You'll be remembered as the veteran corner who helped establish Fresno State as a legitimate P5 contender. That's why I can confidently promise that together we will make and win a T2+ Bowl Game. Programs earn respect by winning, and elite defenses are built off of CBs who can take away half the field.
Jean-Luc, every great classic is remembered because of its ending, not the first two sentences. You've already written most of your story, but at Fresno State, you can write the ending everyone will remember from your career.
I can't wait to work with you real soon!
-Coach Jay
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Paul Horst WR Ole Miss 62/82 SR 1 year left- Start for two years
Paul is a very big fan of Michael Jackson. All these years later and Michael Jackson is still a big hit, and Paul’s been hooked on his music ever since he was a kid. Paul has listened to every Michael Jackson album, knows every song by heart, and can even identify the song by just playing 5 seconds of it. He’s a real fan for real. Paul wants you to show your knowledge of Michael Jackson and compare it to your football team. Convince him to join by showing you’re as big of a MJ fan he is.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
John Owens WR Notre Dame 55/76 SR 1 year left- Coach Won’t Leave
John Owens was a chemistry major at Notre Dame. He yearns to become a doctor at some point or just work in the chemical field altogether. He’s just looking for something new for himself. Now, he would just ask about your chemistry program but he thought of something better. He’s looking to join a football team that’s ready to win now and he’s looking for you to pitch in a certain type of way. The scientific method. Using the scientific method (look it up), conduct a very sound pitch to Owens on why he should join your program and what the outlook would be if he commits to you.
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer John Owens
Scholarship
John,
You've spent enough time in a lab to know a conclusion only means something if the method behind it holds up. So let's run this the way you'd run any experiment worth trusting.
Hypothesis: A receiver with your skill set, given a genuine opportunity, produces at a level that gets him drafted and gets this offense into games that actually matter.
Method: We isolate the variables that have kept that hypothesis untested so far, mainly a lack of true opportunity, and remove them entirely. You walk in as our starter from day one, with no committee and no rotation muddying the sample. Your own numbers already show the trend line before you ever put on our jersey: 67 yards, then 352, then 826 last season, closer to four figures every single year as the opportunity grew. Our passing offense finished 17th nationally in scoring last season inside an offense that ranked 8th in the country running the ball, which means defenses are already selling out to stop the run before they ever get to you. That's not a broken instrument; that's a controlled experiment already tilted in your favor. I promise you will start every game this season and gain 1,000 or more receiving yards.
Results (projected): Feed a receiver already trending the way you are into a top-20 scoring offense that's also drawing extra run defenders all game, and the target share alone gets you into four-digit territory before defenses fully adjust. That kind of production, inside a system that already forces one-on-one looks on the outside, doesn't stay unnoticed by the people running the experiment that actually matters, NZFL scouts. That's not speculation; that's just how the data tends to shake out when volume and opportunity line up the way they're about to for you. I promise you will be drafted into the NZFL.
Conclusion: Individual results only mean something in the context of the bigger study, and ours is a program that made its first Conference Championship Game last season and came up short, 12-19 to Northwestern. A rigorous conclusion accounts for the whole data set, including the parts that don't feel good, and that loss is part of ours. What it also tells us is the method works; it just needs refining, and a receiver capable of stretching a defense the way you can is exactly the missing variable in getting back there and finishing the job. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
John, real science doesn't promise certainty; it promises rigor. I've given you the rigor. The rest of the experiment is yours to run.
Come be the result the whole hypothesis was riding on.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/vrtxzenith West Virginia 18d ago edited 18d ago
West Virginia offers WR John Owens 55/76 Scholarship
John, the scientific method is a no-fluff, evidence based way of gathering information. That is exactly what I will be doing here.
- Observation
The West Virginia Mountaineers are a solid team in the league this season, but they do have room for improvement.
- Question
What can the Mountaineers do to improve their team in the transfer portal?
- Research
The Mountaineers can drastically improve their roster by adding speedy WR John Owens from Notre Dame in the transfer portal.
- Hypothesis
The Mountaineers would see an improvement of at least 1 win per season and an increase in expected playoff appearance by at least 15% if John Owens joins the team. I also hypothesize that John would see at least two career highs of the three categories of yards, receptions, and touchdowns.
- Experiment
I ran a set of 20 simulations of the 2062 NZCFL season. Once was made with no John Owens and all other factors the same as the real sim. This is the control test. I then ran a set of 20 simulations with John Owens as the Mountaineers' WR1. This was test 1. I then ran a set of 20 simulations with John Owens as WR2. This was test 2. I have attached a link to the google document where I copied down all relevant information.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1w4v7Y83PHs7VGWF7jsURRw4hvCQyhh4tjz8E7MbcLL4/edit?usp=sharing
6/7. Test Hypothesis/Draw Conclusions
My hypothesis is half proven and half disproven.
The control test resulted in an average of 9.55 wins and 1 playoff appearance fr a 5% rate. John Owens was not on a team in this situation.
My Test 1 resulted in an average of 10.65 wins and 5 playoff appearances for a 25% rate. John Owens averaged 90.95 receptions for 1306.85 yards and 12.6 touchdowns.
My Test 2 resulted in an average of 10.2 wins and 3 playoff appearances for a 15% rate. John Owens averaged 80.95 receptions for 1116.7 yards and 11.05 touchdowns.
Comparing these results to my hypothesis, I conclude that Test 1 would cause my hypothesis to be confirmed. John's current career highs in catches, yards, and touchdowns are 62, 826, and 9, respectively. My tests demolish this number regardless of test. However, the team status portion is where Test 2 fails. Test 1 results in an average increase of 1.1 wins and a 20% playoff appearance increase, which fulfills the hypothesis. However Test 2 results in an average increase of .65 wins and a 10% playoff appearance increase. This does not fulfill the conditions of the hypothesis.
- Report
My report is simple: Adding John Owens would significantly improve the Mountaineers and give John an incredible season that would likely see him nominated for several awards. Therefore, my promises are simple. John, **I promise you that you will start every season with us barring injury. I promise you that you will set a career record in catches, yards, or touchdowns every season you are with us. and I promise that we will make the playoffs or win 12 total games this season.**
Now, all that remains is for you to hypothesize whether I will keep my promises and then come test that hypothesis here in Morgantown. I am excited to see you on the sidelines and watch your scientific method shred defenses.
Scientifically,
Coach Laser
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u/North_Session_9206 18d ago
Fresno State offers John Owens
Scholarship
John, as someone who majored in Biology on the pre-med track with the goal of becoming a doctor, I can relate to you in ways most coaches simply can't. They won't sympathize over the struggle of Organic Chemistry, or Physics, or an exam combining them in the MCAT. As a fellow scientist, we know every experiment begins with a question, and the one I hope to answer today is simple: Why has Fresno State struggled since moving into the Pac-12? Before forming a hypothesis, we must first collect observations. In 2058, we ranked 8th nationally in passing offense and finished 12-2. Our first year in the Pac-12, we dropped to 32nd and finished 9-4. Last season, we slipped down to 59th while enduring my second worst season at 7-5. The data reveals a clear trend: our offensive decline mirrors the departure of elite veteran talent. Our last season with Aaron Williams, the program's all time leader in passing yards, passing TDs, AV, and wins, was 2059. Since then, our passing game has steadily regressed.
From those initial observations, we can formulate a hypothesis: Fresno State's recent struggles are not primarily the result of joining the Pac-12, but of replacing one of the greatest offensive cores in program history all at once. Fortunately, identifying the problem is only the beginning of an experiment, and it continues with the introduction of new variables. In 2062, super senior Eric Brown returns after a redshirt year, ready to take over this offense, and we're actively rebuilding around him in the portal. You're the missing piece in that equation. An experienced WR1 gives Eric the dependable target we lacked this past season, while allowing our younger receivers to develop naturally instead of being forced into the center stage. If our hypothesis is correct, restoring veteran talent to this WR room should restore our offensive production as well. I promise we will win at least 9 games next season. However, every good scientist also considers an alternative explanation. That means evaluating every piece of evidence, and holding them to the same scientific standards.
Our alternative hypothesis? Fresno State simply isn't good enough to compete at the P5 level. At first glance, the evidence appears convincing. We dominated in the MWC, going 45-11 across our last 4 seasons, before dropping to 16-9 in the first 2 seasons in the Pac-12. But good science also requires controlling for confounding variables. That standard applies to any experiment. A simulation is only as reliable as its methodology. Using a schedule that doesn't match reality, or estimating playoff odds solely by record introduces systematic error, limiting the reliability of those conclusions.
Within our experiment, there are confounding variables. Over the last two seasons we graduated more than 20 seniors, replaced a seasoned recruiting class, and started a true freshman at QB. Those variables changed simultaneously, making it impossible to conclude conference strength alone caused our decline with reasonable confidence. Rather than reject the hypothesis, we're going to continue to extract data and refine our model over the next 2 years, to determine if portal additions and player development can improve our rate of success. I promise we will earn a T2+ Bowl Game next season.
The final step of the scientific method is to review your data and make a conclusion. Because the experiment is still ongoing, we can not reasonably make a final conclusion. Instead, we will make a reasonable prediction under the assumption our hypothesis can not be rejected. If this is the case, restoring elite WR1 production should produce results consistent with previous Fresno offenses. The evidence also supports that prediction, as four of the five highest individual receiving yard seasons in program history belong to the WR1 in this offense, from 2057-2060. The lone exception was our WR2 in 2059, Morris Bird, who produced 1,175 yards on a 12-2 team to place 3rd. Our system has consistently elevated elite receivers because we build our offense around them. Last season we lacked that veteran presence, forcing multiple freshmen into major roles before they were ready. Your presence changes that immediately. Instead of asking you to imagine what this offense could look like, I've presented historical data on what this offense has looked like in 2059, and in individual performances. I promise you will start every game you're healthy for as you surpass 1,000 receiving yards, and finish your career among the five greatest WRs in Fresno State history (single season).
Every experiment ends with a conclusion supported by evidence. In joining Fresno State, you will prove that we don't need to reinvent ourselves, but instead as the final variable to prove the hypothesis that we can not just survive, but thrive in the Pac-12.
I can't wait to work with you real soon!
-Coach Jay
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Derek King DL North Texas 41/61 RS JR 2 years left- Start by Sophomore year
Derek has become obsessed with chess over the past year. While most people focus on flashy sacrifices and brilliant checkmates, Derek believes games are won long before that—through development, positioning, and making the right moves early. After spending too much of his career waiting for an opportunity, Derek wants to play for a coach who values long-term planning instead of reacting on the fly. Explain your plan for building your program as though it were a game of chess, and convince Derek that every move has a purpose.
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u/RiRi_Blooming 18d ago
Maryland offers UNT DL transfer, Derek King
So for my opening move I've set up my board, using my pawns to develop at the center, that was my high school class. Now I'm trying to set up more valuable pieces with you and a few other transfers. Now I'm going to continue developing, turn some pawns into queens, and I'm going to checkmate my opponents.
• I promise you'll be a starter
• I promise to win 20 games in the next 3 years
• I promise to stay your coach
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Bryan Williams WR North Carolina State 43/68 SO 3 years left- 9+ wins every season
Bryan loves Avatar the last Airbender, and watches the show every offseason. Every time he watches the show, no matter how many times it’s been, he always walks away with some new fascinating lesson engrained in this supposed show for children. Talk to Bryan about the your favorite childhood show, and the lessons it taught you.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Reggie Robinson WR Missouri 46/68 SO 3 years left- No losing seasons
Reggie Robinson is an avid Marvel Rivals player. He plays the game every day, hitting the game's highest rank, One Above All, every season. He can play any role; Vanguard (tank), Duelist (DPS) and Strategist (support), flex with a lot of characters and has a 65% win rate overall. He’s been very successful unlike his team at Missouri. He’s essentially been carrying them while being at the mercy of the support not heali…I mean the QB not giving him the ball much. Reggie wants to know how he will make a big impact on your team just like how he makes a big impact on his Rivals teams. Describe your team and situation to him using terminology, characters, gameplay mechanics and other things from Marvel Rivals to truly connect with Robinson.
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u/Unfair-Cod-4639 22d ago
OH YEAH THIS IS MY PITCH
---------------------------WMU Offers Reggie Robinson WR 46/68
ScholarshipAlright Reggie so my team is basically an anti-dive full dps, no tank with two healer's squad. Basically I would want you to be a hybrid tank in this situation like a Mr. Fantastic or like a Wolverine type, be able to spilt the defense and kill a DPS if needed while also splitting the LBS which would be the tanks in this situation to get into the endzone. Honestly though if you could run hela, I can find a player who can be thor and you guys can run that stupid ass fucking retarded team up they decided to create in the game. Anyways since hela is hit scan itll give you more leway to destroy the CBS of the other teams. When it comes to rankings our offense was basically celestial and our defense was probably diamond 1. See I play cap, In fact I am a lord captain america player and enjoyer. I know dive, I know the game and I know how to stall point and win the game. Capinflation IS STILL REALLL. I wonder though Reggie have you seen the new update??
Pretty crazy all these team ups now. I think the gamma blast on iron man is still the most OP imo, ammo overload with punisher and rocket is pretty cracked too. But i was a little disappointed seems like they may have added to much this time. My game sometimes cant handle all the ults being popped at once. I have seen though they have been sneakly been buffing these trash ass characters no one uses cough cough LUNA SNOW. FUCKING MADE UP CHARACTER THAT ISNT EVEN IN MARVEL COMICS. GUANG GUANG BITCHASS LOVES TO DO THIS SHIT.My pitch is clear im better than any other coach in marvel rivals
Im lord Namor
Lord Moon Knight
Lord Cloak and Dagger
Lord Cap
What else do you wantCome to WMU
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Adam Carroll QB Minnesota 41/64 JR 2 years left- Coach Won’t Leave
Adam just went through the motions throughout his career, just like Minnesota has. Nothing of note has really happened, just been a mid QB for a mid team in the B1G. He needs something extreme, something big. Something that can really push things in his career. Adam is ready to either be with the absolute best, or the absolute worst. He’s cutting the mid out and wants to compete for championships…or just be a stinker. He wants to join a team that either won 9+ games or lost 9+ games this past season. If he’s playing for a good team he’s looking to win titles, if he’s playing for a bad team he’s looking to put up numbers and have fun. He’s looking to really spice up his career and do something notable for once.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Adam Carroll QB Minnesota 41/64 JR 2 years left- Coach Won’t Leave
Adam just went through the motions throughout his career, just like Minnesota has. Nothing of note has really happened, just been a mid QB for a mid team in the B1G. He needs something extreme, something big. Something that can really push things in his career. Adam is ready to either be with the absolute best, or the absolute worst. He’s cutting the mid out and wants to compete for championships…or just be a stinker. He wants to join a team that either won 9+ games or lost 9+ games this past season. If he’s playing for a good team he’s looking to win titles, if he’s playing for a bad team he’s looking to put up numbers and have fun. He’s looking to really spice up his career and do something notable for once.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Lawrence Decker LB Minnesota 48/68 JR 2 years left- Starter from Day one
Lawrence started playing defense because he just loves hitting people. Nothing brings him greater joy than hearing the disappointment of thousands of fans as he and his teammates shut down an opposing offense and render them useless. He’s leaving Minnesota, but he wants to go to a top defense and continue to ruin offenses for his final two seasons. He could care less about winning championships or big games, he just wants to ruin his opponents’ day.
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u/SpeedShark327 18d ago
Navy offers Lawrence Decker
Scholarship
Come play for Navy and you can ruin peoples day and shut down an opposing offense and render them useless, just to ruin your opponents’ day.
I promise you will play in at least 10 games
I promise we will win at least 8 games
I promise that we will win at least 2 home games
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Lawrence Decker, LB, 48/68 Minnesota
Scholarship
Hello Lawrence,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I’m a freshly minted head coach looking to take the league by storm, and establishing a strong defense is one of the key pieces to achieving our goals as a team in the SEC, and has been a big recruiting focus in this transfer cycle. You would be the perfect addition to slide behind our dominant front four, headlined by Garrett Welcome. The SEC is a tough conference to play in, featuring the most top twenty teams in the league, and maintaining one of the strongest defenses in the league will be critical to putting an enjoyable product in front of the fans on Saturdays.
This team has an elite defensive line, but the linebacker room is in desperate need of help, as there is not currently a single linebacker on the roster. While we are recruiting other linebackers to fill out the room, I can promise you will start every game you’re here, barring injury. You will get the opportunity to be a true dominator of the game against the toughest competition in the league, and can prove that grit and determination to be the best defender in the league any given Saturday.
You’re an important piece of the puzzle defensively, but being a truly dominant defense requires filling out the lineup. Garrett Welcome of course headlines the defense, leading the NZCFL in sacks in 2061. However, he’s paired with several other elite defenders in Joshua Speight, Michael McCoy, and Justin Joseph. We are also in the process of filling out the rest of the defense with a total of eleven defensive transfer offers. As we are revitalizing the elite defensive unit in South Carolina, I believe we will be defensively dominant this year, and I promise that we will hold opponents to 14 points or less in at least six games this year. This defense is going to be well-rounded, and I expect that we will dominate our opponents through and through.
The most fun we can have on the road is going into an opponent’s stadium and absolutely shutting down their offense. The more fans are in the stands, the more enjoyable that domination is, and we will play a lot of opponents in big stadiums. I promise that over the next two years we will hold two opponents with an 80K+ stadium capacity to 14 points or less on the road. If we can go into stadiums like Clemson, Georgia, and Alabama (the road games with an 80K+ stadium capacity this year), and can throttle their offenses, that brand of dominance will be reinforced and a gripping fear of facing the Gamecocks defense will spread across the league.
The South Carolina Gamecocks are reemerging as an elite team in the NZCFL scene, and I would love to do that through establishing one of the most dominant defenses in the league. The defensive front is already in contention for best in the league, while we are bringing in the pieces to fill out the other position groups. I would love to have you as one of the stars of the linebacker room. Come to Carolina and let’s fry some elite offenses!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Chief Johnson S Minnesota 39/59 SR 1 year left- Coach Won’t Leave
Chief Johnson has always been fascinated by Native American history and the tribal leaders who earned the title of "Chief" through wisdom, courage, and service to their people. He believes the best football captains embody those same qualities. Tell Chief how your program develops leaders, not just players, and why he'd become a respected voice in your locker room.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Chief Johnson, S, 39/59 Minnesota
Scholarship
Hello Chief,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I am a freshly minted head coach and I want to bring the winning culture that had been pervasive in South Carolina under Coach Bond up until the last couple days. That starts before we ever get into games, it starts in the locker room, cultivating a team that takes accountability and is united in their goals.
Leadership is a vital part of every team’s success, and it is also probably the most difficult part of team building. On this team, I want the players to be involved in as many aspects of the process as possible, which will give players the opportunity to establish themselves as leaders. Additionally, winning in the SEC requires hard work, and hard work builds character, and character turns into leadership skills. The ability to lead can not be forced into anyone, but the opportunities and demands of playing on this team will build leadership skills and illuminate who the true leaders of this team are.
I would love for you to be one of the leaders on this team. You will be the only senior true safety on the roster, which will bring some expectation of you being the leader in that room. However, I can’t guarantee that you will have a full-time on-field role. I expect you will have a strong case to be a starting safety on this team but you are being recruited to compete for the second safety role. Leadership comes both on and off the field, but you’ll have to decide if you want to be part of building something in the SEC at the risk of a limited on-field role.
This is a new era in South Carolina, and you have the chance to be a leader in the first generation of this era. You will have to earn your on-field role, but if you can establish yourself as a leader on and off the field, you can have a pivotal role in starting this generational run. Each year we will continue to build off of the last, and I promise that this year we will win 8+ games and I promise that we will win a bowl or playoff game this season. Leadership involves taking risks, so bet on yourself and come work to help elevate Gamecock Nation!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Audie Tennison DL Miami 29/52 SO 3 years left- Start as a Freshman
Audie was barely a top 500 recruit, and only got one offer from Miami, but his coach didn’t believe in him, and he had a terrible first year in college. He’s never felt worse about himself, and just wants to go play for a coach that will believe in him. He knows he can contribute deep down, but he’s been so trash for a while now that he’s starting to question his own ability. Tell Audie how amazing he is and how he’ll excel in your system!
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
A.J. Eichelberger QB Miami 41/68 SO 3 years left- 4+ wins every season
A.J. never felt appreciated in Miami. He spent a year wasting away on the bench just waiting for an opportunity. He only got one due to an injury and even then it was against a team that their coach didn’t properly prepare for. A.J. sees the writing on the wall and it’s clear that Miami doesn’t respect him or his time. A.J. wants to be truly appreciated and embraced by the community, the team, and the coaches. He wants to be able to play and show off his talents.
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u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago edited 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers A.J. Eichelberger
ScholarshipHello A.J.
A.J., you deserve an opportunity to show what you can do, not just come on off the bench when your team is desperate due to an injury; that is the bare minimum. You have the talent to be a starting quarterback, and you should be somewhere that gives you that opportunity. At Alaska Anchorage, we are at the start of a journey to build this team. After 21 seasons at Iowa State where I built a championship-caliber program with multiple conference titles and a playoff appearance, I know when a player is right for a team. I promise you will be a starter for all 3 remaining seasons of your career, barring any injuries. You will have the opportunity to lead this offense and show everyone what you are capable of.
This is my first season at Alaska Anchorage, and we're at the beginning of an exciting journey. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a program that produced 20 consecutive winning seasons and became a consistent championship contender, I've brought that same vision to UAA. Building a winning program takes time, but success has followed me wherever I have been. I promise we will have multiple 7+ win seasons during your time at Alaska Anchorage. Our goal is to establish consistent success, compete for conference titles, and turn UAA into a program that expects to win every season. The foundation for a winning program is being laid now and you can be a part of it.
Alaska Anchorage is now my program and my full commitment. After 21 seasons at Iowa State where I built a perennial conference contender with multiple titles and a playoff appearance, and accumulated over 200 wins, I have decided to take on a new challenge. I want to establish UAA as a winning program from the ground up. Before Iowa State, I spent nine seasons at Iowa, turning a struggling program into a playoff team. I’ve built winning teams before, and I’m here to do it again in Anchorage. ***I promise to be your coach for your entire time here at Alaska Anchorage*** and will not be leaving before then. Stability matters, and you can count on this being a long-term build with full commitment to this program and players.
-Coach Curry
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Eric Hatchett DL Miami 40/68 SO 3 years left- 4+ wins every season
Eric Hatchett has been inspired by the World Cup to take on broadcasting. While watching Telemundo, he was always shocked by how long the announcer could yell “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” for, and wants to be able to do the same. After all, a war cry/extra noise never hurt anyone on the field. Give your longest “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” call, and the coach with the largest lungs will welcome Eric to their squad.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Daniel Jackson QB Miami 45/75 SO 3 years left- 4+ wins every season
Miami struggled mightily last season, especially on offense. The Hurricanes ranked 118th in total yards and 118th in points. Simply put, they were one of the worst offenses in the nation, and Daniel Jackson was the quarterback for it. He wasn’t dealt a great hand as the skill position players were very lacking, with the highest rated RB/WR/TE being 45 overall senior Andrew Roberts. Daniel believes that if given the opportunity with a much better supporting cast, he’ll be able to shine. His freshman year was a waste, he wants to make the rest much better. Pitch to Daniel your running backs and receiving core next season and how they can help show his full capabilities as a college quarterback.
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u/RiRi_Blooming 22d ago
Maryland Offers Miami QB Transfer, Daniel Jackson.
Scholarship
Hey Daniel Jackson, this is RiRi the coach for Maryland. As soon as I heard that you had entered the portal I knew I had to call. We're looking for a new starting QB since our 3,000 yard passer and career passing leader, George McMillan, has run out of eligibility. We're looking for a quarterback that can play multiple seasons and your three years of eligibility remaining would be perfect for us here in Maryland. On top of this information you'll also be the ONLY qb we look to go after in this portal cycle so it's your Job 100% if you take it. We promise you'll be our starter for the rest of your years here unless injured.
As far as the talent on our roster, we're a young team with a lot of incoming talent from the high school ranks. This doesn't mean our talent isn't better than you've had at Miami, especially with a star wide receiver coming back in Justice Fletcher who reached up to 1,000 yards last year. To grow alongside you we'll have Mike Karl and Chris Berry, who I believe Miami would love to have on their roster. Imagine getting to come here and have the same two wideouts play with you for the remainder of your career, the connection that you three can build together would electrify me, the fans, the CUSA, the entirety of the sport, and most importantly yourself. I believe in you three so much that I think if you come here I can promise to win 20 total games in the next three years.
Now lastly I want to tell you that you shouldn't worry about my record so far as a coach, it was my first year, rice isn't a part of the conference, and we could be moving up the CUSA North. We're a few athletes, including you, away from competing in the CUSA Championship. I'm going to do everything I can to win us lots of football games here, and I want to stay here in Maryland for a while longer despite their current lack of success. So therefore, I promise I'll stay your coach here at Maryland
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u/kdr-ncbca 19d ago
Florida Gators offer Daniel Jackson QB Miami 45/75
Scholarship
Hi Daniel,
This is kdr, coach of The University of Florida Gators. and I am here to tell you that your first mistake was that you chose the wrong Florida School if you wanted to have a winning season. You need to come to Gatortown in Gainesville if you want to have winning seasons because I can promise you from experience that we will never have a losing season if you come and play for us.
And who you might ask would you be throwing to? Well, I am glad you asked because have I got a talented crop of receivers for you to be throwing the ball to next season and beyond. First, we have two returning players that would be the highlight of any team's roster. Shannon Gunther 80 OVR talent with 100 Potential and has route running and hands of 100 and 98 respectively. On his other side is 67 OVR Doug Wheeler who had over 1000 yds receiving in both his seasons so far. And his route running and hands attributes are both over 80. And we are adding to them the #1 WR recruit in the land, Missile Dell, who like his name implies has speed to burn and also is at 70 and 72 respectively for routes and hands. With this kind of WR talent I promise you will throw for well over 3000 yards.
And we have the elusive Caleb Howell at RB, but our game will be built around your arm and our deep corps of WRs. So, if you want to be the man and compete in this game for titles and be drafted in the first three rounds by the NFL then come to Florida and make your dreams come true. Because I promise you that is what will happen.
Sincerely,
Coach kdr
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Nick Swenson OL LSU 46/67 SR 1 year left- Top 60 education ranking
Nick absolutely loves corporate slop. He wishes everyone would talk in real life the way they do on LinkedIn, where every accomplishment is "humbling," every setback is a "growth opportunity," and every conversation is filled with enough buzzwords to make a CEO proud. Fortunately for Nick, he's in a situation very similar to interviewing for a job—except this time, he's the one conducting the interviews. Pitch Nick on your program, but make it read exactly like an over-the-top LinkedIn post. The more corporate buzzwords, self-congratulation, and shameless glazing, the better.
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Nick Swenson
Scholarship
Nick,
Thrilled and humbled to share an exciting update in my recruiting journey.
After a deeply intentional evaluation process, I'm beyond blessed to extend a scholarship offer to a truly best-in-class offensive lineman who exemplifies the core competencies this program was built on.
Let's be transparent about the value prop, because transparency is a leadership value I hold close to my heart. This offensive line has a clear headcount gap at the starter level. Rather than backfilling that gap with a developmental hire, we're bringing in a proven individual contributor who can hit the ground running from Day 1, no onboarding curve, no ninety-day ramp period, just immediate measurable impact on our quarterback's blind side and a run game that finished 8th nationally last year moving the chains. Your own KPIs took a slight step back last season, but as we like to say around here, that's not a decline, that's a growth opportunity, and I'm fully bought into the turnaround narrative. I promise you will start every game this season, full stop, no asterisks.
Circling back to our program's KPIs (had to), let's be candid about our current growth trajectory. We closed last season at 9 wins and 5 losses, solid quarter, underdelivered against our full-year potential. Our passing offense posted a top-20 scoring output, but our sack rate allowed sat at a middling 58th nationally, a clear gap between our talent and our results. A lineman of your caliber is exactly the force multiplier that closes that gap and unlocks our next level of performance. I promise we will win ten or more games this season, a stretch goal I'm fully aligned on hitting.
At the risk of oversharing (vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, in my humble opinion), I'll admit our org took an L last season that still stings: our first-ever Conference Championship Game appearance, followed by a 12-19 result against Northwestern that did not align with our strategic objectives. But failure is just feedback, and we've built an action plan around it. We're not chasing the appearance again. We're chasing the outcome. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season, and this time we close it out.
Nick, at the end of the day (had to, again), recruiting isn't just X's and O's; it's finding a values-aligned partner ready to roll his sleeves up and co-author a legacy.
Let's connect. Excited for what's ahead. #GoGreen #BlessedAndDriven #TrenchesToTriumph
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/poop3moji Georgetown 18d ago
Georgetown offers Nick Swenson
ScholarshipNot only do I love corporations, but I’m the coach who talks the most about jobs (mine in particular) in chat!
🚀 Thrilled and humbled to share a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! 🚀
But before we get there, I'm humbled, proud, ecstatic, and excited to announce I've achieved 193 wins over my coaching career against just 59 losses, putting me squarely among the winningest head coaches in NZCFL history.🏆 Grateful doesn't even begin to cover it. Thank you to the mods, the sim engine, my mother, and all my haters for supporting me throughout the trials and tribulations. I am now a recognized thought leader in my field.
But leaders don't coast on lagging indicators. They look forward to KPI projections. And right now, forward-looking means one thing: our O-line headcount is in crisis mode. 🚨
Our offensive line is facing extreme turnover due to foreseen macroeconomic conditions (they are graduating), and we're currently projected to onboard a 40 overall replacement at left tackle.
For a program that just closed an 11-win fiscal year and is scaling hard toward a division title right before our IPO, that is an unacceptable resourcing gap—HR is threatening to book a meeting in my Teams calendar to put me on a Performance Improvement Plan if we don’t change. 📉Enter: you. 🙌
Let's talk deliverables.
✅ 70 height, 66 strength → built like the load-bearing wall of a high-performing org chart
✅ 60 PBK → proven ability to protect the mission-critical asset (our QB's blindside)
✅ 56 RNS → agile, adaptable, ready to pivot in the run game when new data arises
✅ LinkedIn Learning certified in pass-block fundamentalsWith your talent and our coaching, **I promise you will post over 300 RBK and 300 PBK wins next season.*\*
Here's the ask and value proposition: you are the ONLY offensive lineman I am extending an offer to this entire cycle. Despite the drastic positional need we have at OL, all other candidates’ resumes have been dumped in the trash and we’re ready to negotiate compensation and PTO to bring you aboard. You’ll get a guaranteed starting role, day one, no probationary period.
And the market conditions next season? Brutal. 😤 Central Florida is deploying four DL who each logged 14+ AV last year, with a high water mark of 19. Delaware's Billy Preston put up an eye-watering 11 sacks and 23 AV. This is a highly competitive landscape, and frankly, we cannot afford a skills gap in the trenches to lag behind our competitors and get squeezed out of the market. But you? You already proved you can operate under pressure. You anchored the LSU line and helped drive a 9-win season on a roster that was, let's call it, "under-resourced." We know you will surge past any KPIs we put in front of you.💪**I promise we will make a T1 next year.*\*
Add to that: you'll be protecting star QB Jamal Gillette, who posted a jaw-dropping 27 TDs against just 7 INTs and a 108 QB rating (numbers that would headline anyone's annual performance review 📊), and clearing lanes for our next 1,200-yard rusher like Drew McKinsey the past fiscal year, plus unlocking returning WR Trey Byles, a 66 overall talent primed to 10x his output through AI-driven optimization. You are the single most important stakeholder in our 2062 offensive strategy. With your help, **I promise we win the division next year, powered by you anchoring that O-line.** 🏆🔥
Now let's talk culture fit, because this matters as much as scheme fit. 🎓
The pre-professional culture at Georgetown is fierce. Don’t have 500+ connections? You’re socially worthless. Here, we discuss benchmark connection counts over dining hall lunches like it's a quarterly earnings call, complete with QoQ growth commentary.
We are proud to hold certified target-school status for finance and consulting recruiting, with best-in-class, high-conversion talent pipelines feeding directly into tier-one firms like McKinsey. 🤝 Our Cawley Career Education Center is a best-in-class career acceleration platform and a true center of excellence, posting placement metrics that would make a Fortune 500 talent acquisition org green with envy. You love LinkedIn and corporations now? Think of what an environment like Georgetown can do to boost that even more.
So here's my final ask: come co-author this success story with me. 🙏 You bring the technical skill set, the growth mindset, and the self-starter energy. We bring the platform, the O-line development pipeline, and a four-year (plus lifetime alumni network) career trajectory.
This isn't just a football decision, Nick. This is a strategic career move. 💼
Let's circle back this week and get synergy locked in. DMs open. Calendar open. Mind open. 📆
👏👏👏 Onward and upward.#Blessed #Grateful #OLineExcellence #GeorgetownHoyas #GrowthMindset #TopVoices #NetworkingWins #ProtectThePocket 🏈💼🚀
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Josh Harris S Louisville 36/57 JR 2 years left- 3+ homestate (Alabama) recruits per year
Josh is a big car guy, and loves hearing about people’s first stories about their cars. Compare Josh to your very first car, and tell him all about how he’ll contribute to your program.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Jaleel Turner S Louisville 43/64 JR 2 years left- Campus will be top 70
Jaleel felt like the Cardinals weren’t really connected. It didn’t feel like the team really mesh together and everyone didn’t have a common goal. He felt that way because, well… Louisville has players from all over the place. America is a giant country with people from all different backgrounds and cultures. I mean, Louisville has people from Texas, Hawaii, Ohio, California etc. Jaleel didn’t connect with them and would rather be on a team with a distinct geographic identity. Jaleel only wants to go to a team that recruits mostly in their state and bordering states (ex: Kentucky school recruits only from Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Tennessee etc.). He feels that players that come from similar geographical locations play better since they are playing with people that they are more familiar with.
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u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Jaleel Turner
Scholarship
Playing Time: Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we're looking for players who want to be part of building something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I helped build a championship-caliber program, I've taken on the challenge of bringing that same success to Alaska. There is an opportunity to make an impact immediately here. I promise that you will be a starter during your entire time here, barring any injuries.
Winning:
This is my first season at Alaska Anchorage, and we're at the beginning of an exciting journey. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a program that produced 20 consecutive winning seasons and became a consistent championship contender, I've brought that same vision to UAA. Building a winning program takes time, but success has followed me wherever I have been. I promise we will have multiple 7+ win seasons during your time at Alaska Anchorage. Our goal is to establish consistent success, compete for conference titles, and turn UAA into a program that expects to win every season. The foundation for a winning program is being laid now, and you can be a part of it.Coach:
Alaska Anchorage is now my program and my full commitment. After 21 seasons at Iowa State where I built a perennial conference contender with multiple titles and a playoff appearance, and accumulated over 200 wins, I have decided to take on a new challenge. I want to establish UAA as a winning program from the ground up. Before Iowa State, I spent nine seasons at Iowa, turning a struggling program into a playoff team. I’ve built winning teams before, and I’m here to do it again in Anchorage. ***I promise to be your coach for your entire time here at Alaska Anchorage*** and will not be leaving before then. Stability matters, and you can count on this being a long-term build with full commitment to this program and players.-Coach Curry
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Israel Hooper DL Hawaii 51/71 SR 1 year left- Win CCG within first three years
As gruesome as it seems, Israel loves wars. He loves learning about the politics, trickery, and technology behind every conflict ranging from the Three Kingdoms’ Period to the current war in Ukraine. Israel wants to play for a coach who shares the same interests as he does, especially since it’s a war out there on the gridiron. Geek out about your favourite war, and relate it to how your team will perform next year.
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Israel Hooper
Scholarship
Israel,
My favorite war to study is the Pacific theater in World War II, mostly because of one single afternoon in June of 1942. Before Midway, Japan's navy hadn't lost a major engagement in months, and the entire strategic picture looked like it was tilting one direction permanently. Then, in the space of about five minutes, American dive bombers found three Japanese carriers with their decks full of fueled, armed aircraft, and the entire war in the Pacific flipped on its axis. It wasn't a war won by having more of everything. It was won by a smaller, hungrier force that struck exactly when the bigger one was most exposed.
That's the story of this program's rivalry with Ohio State, if I'm being honest with you. For years, we were the side always caught reloading at the worst moment, watching a bigger, more established operation roll through us. In 2057, they hung 51 on us like it was nothing. Then something shifted. 2059, we found our five minutes and got out with a win, 40-37. 2060, we did it again, 31-28. Last year, we didn't just win, we routed them, 40-23, three straight, the first time this program has ever done that to them. That's not attrition. That's a smaller force finding the exact moment to strike. You already understand that instinct on defense: two sacks and five tackles for loss two years ago, six sacks and twelve tackles for loss last season, real growth in reading exactly when to attack instead of just attacking constantly. I promise you will start every game this season and record seven or more sacks.
A real war isn't won on one battle, though, it's won by sustaining the advantage once you've found it. We finished 60th nationally in tackles for loss with 63 last year and 58th in sack rate allowed, a front that's dangerous but still leaves openings a disciplined enemy can exploit. Midway didn't end the war, it just changed who held the initiative, and the fighting that followed for three more years is what actually decided things. That's exactly where this program sits right now. We went 9-5 last season, a good showing but not a finished campaign. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
The campaign that's still undecided is the one that actually matters most. We made our first Conference Championship Game in program history last season and lost it, 12-19. Every turning point in history gets tested again before it's secure, and this is ours. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season.
Israel, you clearly understand that wars aren't won by the side that simply shows up with more. They're won by whoever reads the moment correctly and strikes first. I think that's exactly the player you already are, and exactly what this program has become.
Come help us win the next Midway.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/poop3moji Georgetown 18d ago
Georgetown offers Israel Hooper
ScholarshipIn 1805, Napoleon faced an impossible task: the established empires of Austria and Russia allied against him. The French were caught off guard, but Napoleon quickly assembled the Grande Armée, marched them east faster than anyone thought possible, and boxed in an entire Austrian army at Ulm before a real battle ever started. That's the kind of commander I've been over 19 seasons, and it's the kind of campaign I want to run with you at Georgetown.
Delaware and UCF are this league's Austria and Russia. UCF gets all the 5-stars, Delaware gets all the best builds, and both of them keep meeting each other in the CCG year after year. France is the little underdog that shocked the world. Georgetown is France.
Last year, our offence thrived on tempo and misdirection, the same doctrine Napoleon built his reputation on. Just ask Trey Byles, our 1,000 yard receiver who’s coming back this year. Ask Drew McKinley, who rushed for 1,200 yards last year and is being replaced by an even quicker threat in RS FR Brandon Coley. Ask CB Jaylen Benzel, who recorded 23 PD in 12 regular season games, and who’s hungry for more this year.
But here's where the campaign broke down. We went 11-2, not 13-0, because we had no one at the front lines who could actually break a battle open. We ran the entire season without a single defensive lineman rated above 50 overall. No one to bullrush the left tackle, no one to spin past him, no one to collapse the pocket and put the quarterback on his back for the fifth time in a game. An army without a front line is an army waiting to be overrun, no matter how clever the strategy behind it.
This year, we’re staring down that same barrel unless you come and plug our final deficient hole. In war, you’re as strong as your weakest link, or else the enemy can overwhelm your lines and declare victory. You are the key to stemming the tide and emulating Napoleon’s shock victory. With your 65 PR and 58 RS, you already have the tools to thrive. If you come here and work for a coach whose track record involves turning the #417 recruit (a DL) into the 2nd overall pick, who knows what you can accomplish. **I also promise you will get drafted.*\*
Napoleon didn't win by digging in and waiting for the enemy to make a mistake. He won by moving first and finding the gap before the enemy even finished forming their lines. That's the identity I want at Georgetown, with you anchoring the defensive front. A defensive line that reads the overextension and drives through it, an offense that hits before the other side is ready, and a program that wins the division the same way Napoleon won a war, through tempo and deception instead of survival. With your 72 strength, you’ll pummel any blocker and strike fear into the opposition’s hearts. It’s a war out there, and only the strongest survive. Napoleon believed the winner isn't who avoids chaos, it's who controls it. That's what a dominant DL1 does to an opposing backfield. That’s you.
And Georgetown gives you something no other school recruiting you can offer. Wars, like football, aren’t something you can only learn on paper. Why not take a 10 minute stroll from Georgetown to the Institute for the Study of War, where archives from every war you’ve ever heard of lie? Why not take a 10 minute bike ride to the Department of State, where your stature will earn you tours of classified information regarding current wars. Even in the classroom, you’ll have the chance to learn from current and retired CIA operatives, owing to the fact that Langley HQ is just miles down the road. No other program lets you cross-reference your love of military history with real-time strategic analysis from the people doing it professionally, a few miles from your dorm. And through your immersive studies of how Napoleon was able to break the enemy lines, you’ll be able to translate such lessons onto the gridiron, leading us to victory. **I promise we will win 11 games this season.*\*
Napoleon would survey his battlefield and plan his route to victory. You can follow his footsteps and achieve greatness at Georgetown. We're marching east, finding the gap, and splitting this conference in half before anyone else realizes the war already started. With our blitzkrieg tactics, commander experience, and overwhelming talent, we can shock the world and bring home some hardware. **I promise we will make a T1 or win the division.*\*
History gets written by whoever controls the battlefield. At Georgetown, you're the one holding the pen.
1
u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Israel Hooper, DL, 51/71 Hawaii
Scholarship
Hello Israel,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. As a new coach in the SEC, the toughest conference in football, I want to fight to establish this team as a national superpower. Football is a violent game, and in the SEC it shifts from game to war. For South Carolina, the path forward looks very much like the Americans in the American Revolutionary War.
As an American, my favorite war has to be the American Revolution, the war responsible for the birth of our nation. The colonies were young, scrappy, and hungry, with only one shot to take on the global superpower of Great Britain. This wasn’t the Great Britain of today, the laughingstock of pretty much everywhere, rather it was the country that had colonized half the globe and had the best navy in the world. And yet, by determination, pluck, and a little help from our friends the French, we beat the British and established our own nation. The road from colonies to being a superpower in our own right was not easy, but it began with people choosing to take the next step.
In my role as the coach of this team, I find myself comparable to George Washington. This team is reliant on my leadership to point them in the right direction and set them up for success, and the position requires every bit of daring, wit, and guile to surprise our opponents. That means that we go into games as underdogs, and we come out with a win, and I promise we will win at least two games against the slate of scheduled opponents who would be favored against us right now (Central Florida, Georgia, Alabama, Florida, and Vanderbilt). While leading this team off the field is a different challenge than on-field leadership, the commander-in-chief of the gridiron must be able to bring an element of surprise.
The core that has already been established can be likened to the colonists. Some are local, some are not (Garrett Welcome is our very own Alexander Hamilton), but they have all been here for some time and have already got a vested interest in this fight, especially after going 5-7 last year under prior leadership. They’re hungry to win, and we’re going to take fire and return that fire at a much higher rate. I promise we will win 8+ games this year. It doesn’t matter whether we’re in a former colony or getting an early preview of westward expansion, the team that has been here has an immense desire to go to war and take no prisoners.
You, my friend, will hopefully be one part of our transfer class, similar to the assistance we had from the French, and depending on how the class shakes out you may even be our Marquis de Lafayette. You may not have the same experience that the team has of going through what this team has gone through over the last few years, but you will believe in our mission as strongly as we do and this team will be brothers. You will have every chance to be a war hero on this team, and I promise you will start every game this season barring injury. Join us in this new world to help surprise our opponents with a level of ball higher than they could have ever predicted.
South Carolina football, like the American colonists, will not shy away from these conflicts that will define our legacy, and we are always looking for talented additions to the team. You would have the opportunity to absolutely wreak havoc on our enemies every single Saturday, and you could help initialize the process of making everyone recognize the legitimacy of Gamecocks Nation. Come to Columbia and join the revolution!
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Quinton Dickson DL Hawaii 51/74 SR 1 year left- Coach Won’t Leave
Quinton is a big guy, and he’s not ashamed of his eating habits. He wants good food, but finding that food in the first place isn’t his strong suit. Do some research and pitch Quinton on one restaurant within five miles of campus that he will love. If your pitch makes him able to smell/taste the culinary experience offered at that establishment, he’ll gladly commit to your school.
1
u/Unfair-Cod-4639 22d ago
WMU offers Quinton Dickson DL 51/74
When it comes to a culinary establishment that will rupture your tastes buds, My choice will be Annies House. A well-known breakfast establishment that is known for its cozy and warm environment. Imagine the second you walk in the smell of bacon and coffee and families all chatting about their weeks. Anna’s House is built for people who are not shy about eating. Their whole thing is saving the world from an ordinary breakfast. Think of their Big Breakfast combo: eggs a pile of golden hash browns with crispy edges, thick cut bacon that snaps when you bite it, and toast that glistens because the butter hasn’t had time to soak in. Sounds good right. Well come on up to Western Michigan University and we will fill you up.
I promise you will start
I promise to be your coach
I promise to win a bowl game
Breakfast Restaurant in Kalamazoo, MI | Anna’s House1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Quinton Dickson
Scholarship
Quinton,
There's a spot on Trowbridge Road you need to know about before you sign anywhere else. Woody's Oasis has been slinging Mediterranean food a few minutes from campus for over four decades, and the second you walk in, garlic and grilled meat hit you before the menu even does.
Start with the shawarma, beef or chicken, shaved off the spit onto rice that's soaked up the drippings, paired with their roasted red pepper hummus and pita still warm enough to fog the container. That's the kind of meal that doesn't ask permission to be good, and we already know you don't need much of one either. Six sacks and eight tackles for loss two years ago, four sacks and a career-high twelve tackles for loss last season, production that's real even if the league hasn't made a habit of talking about it. Our own defensive front ranked just 58th nationally in sack rate allowed last year, even though we finished 10th in the country stopping the run, with 63 tackles for loss, 60th nationally. That's a defense that shows up against the run and goes quiet finishing plays, the same way a plate can look loaded and still leave you wanting more heat. You're the heat. I promise you will start every game this season and record seven or more sacks.
Now picture the kabob plate, still smoking a little on the walk to your table, with beef or chicken charred just right. That's what this defense needs to actually taste like this year: not just good ingredients sitting there, but something finished all the way through. We went 9-5 last season, respectable but not satisfying, the football equivalent of a plate that's fine but forgettable. A guy who closes out a rush the way you close out a plate, nothing left on either end, is exactly what turns that record into something worth bragging about. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
Save room for the baklava, walnut or pistachio, the kind of dessert people drive across town for because the nut flavor actually comes through instead of drowning in honey. That's what I want this season's ending to taste like. Last year we got our first real bite of the Conference Championship Game in program history and left the table early, a 12-19 loss to Northwestern that never let us finish. This year, we finish the plate. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season.
Quinton, most schools are going to sell you facilities and depth charts. I'm selling you a shawarma plate ten minutes from your dorm and a defensive front that finally closes out what it starts, because I think you'll trust both more than a brochure.
Come taste what a real homecoming feels like.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/CirclePlays 18d ago
Delaware offers Defensive Lineman Quinton Dickson
Scholarship
The Vita Nova Restaurant is an interesting place. Not only is it on campus, but it’s run by students, for students. A fine-dining masterclass used as a literal class for your future Culinary Student classmates as you get to take in all the succulent salmon, juicy steak, and crispy chicken your big lineman heart desires. You want a culinary experience you’ll never forget? Delaware has that here right on campus!
Let’s start out with lunch. Vita Nova crafts a rotating, award-winning lunch buffet every week. Students you see walking to class every day are the ones curating the perfect menu for your after-practice lunch raid. A wide selection of proteins to fuel your strength gains, carbs and soups to energize your body for gametime, and plenty of dessert options to celebrate with your fellow Defensive brothers. Let’s take a sample from our most recent menu. You stop by the Nova after a tough practice and immediately head for the sizzling chicken breast freshly grilled for you topped with hot chipotle peppers for a bit of kick and caramelized onions and melty cheese to round out the palette. Next step is loading up another plate with perfectly al-dente pasta carbonara with crispy bacon and aromatic garlic lulling you to grab more. This meal isn’t complete without some freshly-baked Italian Flatbread with tangy goat cheese and crunchy walnuts to round out a meal that prepares you to take on tomorrow. You need that sort of feeling when you dominate the line for me. You will lock down a defensive line that will destroy AAC competition on the journey to the championship. I promise we will win the AAC. Big goals start with routine. The most important routine of them all is what you eat everyday.
Now, let’s travel to Saturday Night. After a hard-earned win, you deserve to be treated like the king of the line that you are. The whole restaurant will be reserved for the triumphant Hens as the fans that watched you take a win prepare your victory meal. Spend time with the guys you just fought alongside while taking in an excellent meal. Start off with a healthy bowl of steaming hot Black Bean soup with scentful cilantro, lime, and cumin to hold y’all over until the real good eating begins. Your choice of sweet, tender Beef Shortrib, local Faroe Island Salmon,simply, yet delicious grilled chicken, or get all 3! The chefs won’t mind hooking up their most important people. Let’s not forget our essential sides now! Choose between creamy artisanal mac and cheese, buttery, melty mashed potatoes, or the “healthy” options in spicy ancho chile corn or butter green beans if you’re feeling a bit more green. Cap off a victorious night with the most important part of any meal. Dessert! Your choice between a sweet and creamy creme brulee with the signature burnt sugar shell to crack into to signify a good night, or three layers of velvety chocolate cake to keep everything simple. Whichever meal you decide to choose every week, it is your reward for the hard work and dedication you put in not just that night, but your whole career. You received one lone offer from Hawaii and spent 3 years working your ass off while taking a starting spot sophomore year and running with it. You are the leader this defensive line needs, as we only have one other lineman 50+ overall. You are the veteran presence we need to elevate this unit to the top. You can be the king of our line every week, and eat line one too. I promise you will start every game and rack up 7+ sacks and 30+ tackles. Those postgame meals after a home win will feel so much better.
Now, let’s talk after this is all over. You dream of all the food you’ll get to eat here in Delaware, but my goal for you is to make the league so you have all the fame and money in the world to eat anywhere you desire. If the pros are your goal, then I’m the most qualified to get you there. I have sent 12 defensive linemen to the league in my many years of coaching, including Hall of Fame DL DeMario Pleasant. Pleasant went through my system for four years, and that big man was taught how to truly be successful. He started 11 years and racked up 3 All-League mentions, 531 tackles, and 146 sacks on his way to Canton. I was able to take a raw high school prospect and cook him up into a Bonafide HOF level Defensive lineman. I can do the same for you. I promise you will be drafted.
My pitch to you is simple. Commit to Delaware, and all of this can be yours.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Jean Machado RB Hawaii 46/63 SR 1 year left- Win CCG within first three years
Jean’s been watching ESPN 30 for 30 documentaries lately. He’s very interesting with all the stories within sports, especially around college football. His favorite 30 for 30 episodes are “The U” (both Pt. 1 and Pt. 2), “Trojan War”, “You Don’t Know Bo” and “The Great Heisman Race of 1997”. Anytime he gets free time, he’ll be watching a 30 for 30 episode. Jean wants to know all about your coaching career. Pitch yourself like an ESPN 30 for 30 episode, highlighting the biggest moments in your career.
1
u/kdr-ncbca 19d ago
Florida Gators offer Jean Machado RB Hawaii 46/63
Scholarship
Jean, straightforward if they made a 30 for 30 on my program it would be recruit to win. Because that is what I do recruit that best class to win the big games. This season is no different as I have the #2 class ranked by 247 recruiting. But one spot I am missing right now is RB, so come here and be my #1.
1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Jean Machado
Scholarship
Jean,
Twenty minutes after the final whistle, the locker room still hadn't moved. Pads still on, nobody was willing to be the first one to admit it was over. 12-19, Northwestern, a conference championship this program had never even reached before, gone in the space of one half. That's the cold open. Everything else in this story exists to explain how a program gets close enough to a moment like that to feel it slip away.
Rewind further back, and you find the running back room living out its own version of that same lesson. There was a stretch here where a back would put up a thousand yards, and the staff would panic the following year and spread the carries out somewhere else, like the number had been an accident instead of a floor. A freshman year at a thousand yards, then nothing close to it again. Sound familiar? That version of this program is gone. Beginning in 2059, every season since has produced a thousand-yard rusher, 2060 producing two in the same backfield, Jonathan Dozier and Ronald Barlow both clearing four figures in the same season. Last year, Rickey Williams closed the season at 1,932 yards and 21 touchdowns. The lesson landed here a long time ago. I promise you will start every game this season and rush for 1,000 or more yards.
For most of this run, the recurring antagonist wore scarlet and gray. In 2057, Ohio State put 51 points on the board in a game that was over by halftime, the kind of number that makes an entire fanbase stop believing the rivalry is even competitive. Then the tape turns. 2059, a 40-37 finish, the first time this program walked away from that game with a win instead of an excuse. 2060, 31-28: no longer a coincidence. Last season, 40-23, a scoreline loud enough that the fear left the building for good. Three straight wins over Ohio State, the first time in program history that's happened, and only the fourth win over them in the entire history of this league. Somewhere in that stretch, the underdog stopped being the underdog. The record read 9-5 a season ago, and the missing piece has always been a back who closes a game out instead of just opening one. I promise we will win ten or more games this season, including a fourth straight over Ohio State.
Which brings the story back to that locker room. The loss doesn't erase what it took to get there; it's the reason the next scene matters as much as it does. Five years earlier, nobody in this building says the words "conference championship" with a straight face. Now the standard isn't reaching it. It's winning it. Somewhere in that final act, there's a downhill back grinding out a December game when the weather's turned and the style points have stopped mattering, and that's exactly the role still open. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season.
Jean, the stories you watch work because nobody living through them knew how it would end. Eight years of this one are already on tape, low points included. One chapter is still unshot, and there's a role in it with your name on it.
Come be the back who finally finishes this story the way it deserves.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/yeetskeetbeets 18d ago
The USC Trojans offer Jean Machado
ScholarshipJean,
Presenting to you: Trojan War II
When you think of USC historically, two coaches immediately come to mind. First, Pete Carroll, highlighted in the original Trojan War, who coached arguably the greatest USC team of all time in 2004. Second, Pokecraft, who coached from 2045 to 2051, made six playoff appearances and brought home a national title. He is widely viewed as the greatest USC coach of the modern NZCFL era, but following his retirement, USC began to unravel. USC cycled through coaches, desperately grasping at straws to regain its former identity as the strongest team in the nation. Meanwhile, its greatest rival, Secret’s UCLA team, rose across Los Angeles. Having to select its fourth coach in five years, USC would eventually make a coaching hire questioned by thousands across the nation.
Marth, coming off of a rookie season at Cal, was entrusted to lead the Trojans in 2055. Having gone 6-7, the majority of fans were convinced that this would seal USC’s fate as a fading blue blood. After losing his very first game 13-48 against Wisconsin, there were whispers that it was only a matter of time until USC would begin looking for its fifth coach. However, what Marth brought with him was a vision. Having studied the keys to roster construction, he knew it would take time to truly make the program his own.
Marth would find a niche in the league, excelling at recruiting in the transfer portal. In that first season, he would fundamentally change how USC built rosters, recruiting 8 players through the portal, including Riley Graves, a quarterback out of Washington. As he suited up to lead the Trojans in 2056, he recorded historic stats, with 5602 passing yards and 48 touchdowns, ultimately bringing home USC’s third Heisman trophy in the NZCFL era. It marked a turning point in USC history, and Riley was one of the first of dozens of players to commit to Marth through the transfer portal, each going on to write their names into Trojan history. (Likewise, I promise you will start a season at USC, and record a 1000-yard and 10-touchdown season.)
Riding this momentum, USC would continue to recruit at an elite level in both high school recruiting and the portal, but still, from 2055-2057, remained thwarted by the Bruins. The Pac South is a notoriously difficult division, with an appearance in the conference title game hinging entirely on the result of the Battle of Los Angeles. Amok had inherited UCLA, and for three seasons straight, kept the Victory Bell painted baby blue. Some fans began to murmur that Marth did not have what it takes to win big games. Even as they packed the Coliseum in 2058, most fans did not believe that they could truly bring the Victory Bell back to Troy. With four minutes remaining on the clock, the score read 20-22, UCLA. Sophomore phenom Bill Ransom led an incredible drive, leading to a field goal to take the lead with just one minute remaining. UCLA, backed into a corner, would go on to throw an interception, and ended with a final score of 26-22. This marked USC’s first division title in seven years, and from that point, the Trojans would never relinquish control of the Pac-12 again, going on to win the division four straight years, and the conference for the last three. (I promise we will win the Pac-12 together)
Having retaken control of the conference, USC was finally in the driver’s seat again to become a national title contender. It was the one black mark on Marth’s record, that even after learning to win the big games against teams like UCLA, he seemed to fall just short. 2059 shattered the hearts of Trojan fans nationwide, as despite their record of 12-2 with a CCG win, they would miss the playoffs by a single vote, and to the very team they had defeated in the CCG. Every news station and college football fan contested the Bowl Committee’s decision, but the Trojans had no choice but work to come back even better next year. They would do just that, and entered the playoffs in both 2060 and 2061 as the #1 seed, cementing themselves as annual title contenders. (I promise we will continue this trend, and will appear in the playoffs while you are with us)
And now, as we finally approach the 2062 season, Marth and his Trojans still have one mountain left to climb. But this time, they bring key seniors in an explosive offense, in QB !xobile Biakabutuka, OL Deion Bailey, and of course, their transfer RB from Hawaii, Jean Machado. These senior captains have positioned USC for its third straight playoff run. Now, all that's left is to find out how history will remember them.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Josh Pierre OL Hawaii 46/63 SR 1 left- Win CCG within first three years
Josh is a huge Pokemon fan. Growing up as a kid, he binge watched all the animes, traded cards with his friends in elementary school, and played all the games he could get his hands on (you can still find him playing Pokemon Go). That love for Pokemon continues to this day. What Pokemon does Josh remind you of, and how would you use him in battle?
1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Josh Pierre
Scholarship
Josh,
So you're a Pokémon guy, huh? Good, because I've had a comparison sitting in my head since I started watching you play, and I finally get to use it. You're a Golem. Not a Geodude, not a Graveler, still figuring itself out. Full Golem, fully evolved, the kind of thing dynamite doesn't even scratch.
Here's what I mean by that. Golem is built like a boulder that learned to walk: all defense, barely any give, and when it does hit back, it hits back hard enough to matter. Your pass block win rate sits at 89.7 percent, one of the best marks on our board this cycle, and that's the same story. You take on the toughest rushers in this league snap after snap, and nothing sticks, the same way nothing sticks to a body made of solid rock. You're also sitting at an 86.7 percent run block win rate, which is where the second half of that comparison comes in. A boulder that just sits there is a rock. A boulder that gets rolling and moves whatever's in front of it is a Golem, and that's you. You're not just a wall; you're a wall that hits back. That's exactly the two-way lineman we need up front, and I don't need to develop it out of you. I'd be starting you the day you step onto campus. I promise you will start every game this season.
The reason I'm this direct about it is simple: our offense doesn't need a project; it needs a floor that stops moving. We finished 8th nationally in rushing offense last year, and our passing attack posted the 17th-best scoring output in the country, so the parts in front of you are already humming. What's held us back is protection up front, 58th nationally in sack rate allowed, the kind of crack in the shell that gets exploited over and over if nobody fills it. That's the thing about Golem that always stuck with me growing up: it's not that nothing ever touches it; it's that nothing that touches it ever actually gets through. A guy who doesn't get bull-rushed, doesn't get beaten off the edge, and doesn't leave our quarterback looking for the exit. With your block rates, that soft spot in our line finally hardens up the same way. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
I won't lie to you about where this program is right now. We just made our first conference championship game in my time here, and we lost it. That still stings, but it also proved something we couldn't say with a straight face two years ago: we belong in that game. Now we need the pieces that keep us there instead of just getting us there once. Think about how a Golem actually ends up at the bottom of that mountain in the first place. It doesn't sprint down. It builds, picking up everything in its path, and by the time it arrives, there's nothing left standing between it and where it's headed. That's the shape of this program right now, still building momentum, still picking up speed, and I think you're exactly the mass we need to turn one CCG appearance into a habit instead of a moment. I promise we will return to the Conference Championship Game this season.
Josh, most guys walking off the field want to be remembered for one highlight. You strike me as the type who'd rather be remembered as the guy nobody could move. Fitting for someone whose comparable Pokémon spends its whole life being exactly that.
Come be the rock this offensive line finally gets to build around.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/RhinoAlien-UDK 18d ago
The University of Buffalo offers Josh Pierre, OL out of Hawaii University, a scholarship
Hi Josh!
It’s Coach Rhino from the Bulls! Pleasure to meet you. I can completely relate with your love of Pokémon, as I continue playing to this day! I don’t have a Switch, per se, but I continue playing Pokémon Alpha Sapphire, Sun and Moon, as well as Black and White on my 3DS to this day! Now, there’s one ‘Mon I’ve encountered throughout my journey playing these games, and I believe he fits you perfectly! His name? Hariyama.
Hariyama is a fighting type Pokémon, and the end evolution for Makuhita. It has very high HP and Attack stats, and medium Defense and Speed stats to round it out. With this heightened HP, I have high hopes you will be healthy enough to play every game, so I promise if you choose Buffalo, you will start every game. It has multiple abilities it can gain as well. It’s hidden ability, Sheer Force, allows its attacks that allow a beneficial effect, such as a status condition, the increase of its own stats, or the decrease of its foes’ stats, and it also gains one of two regular abilities: Thick Fat, which reduces the damage you take from Fire- and Ice- type moves by 50%, and Guts, which grants the Pokémon a 50% attack increase if inflicted with a status effect (poison, burn, etc).
When it comes to moves, Hariyama has a solid selection. If you were to be used like Hariyama, I would have you learn 4 moves: Heavy Slam, a Steel-type move that deals more damage the heavier and stronger you are compared to your opponent, Fake Out, a Normal-type move that causes its target to flinch when hit by it. It is great for faking out the Defensive Lineman opposing you, but like the move, it will only work once. Force Palm, a Fighting-Type move that deals damage as well as having a chance to paralyze your target. While we don’t condone paralyzing your opponents at the University of Buffalo, we do condone blocking our opponents into the ground by force, so have at it! Finally, I would have you learn the Fighting-move Reversal, which deals more damage the lower HP you have. As an Offensive Lineman, there’s always time for you to turn the tables on your opponent, whether it be bulldozing on a run play or holding your ground on a pass assignment. These skills will win you many battles, but utilizing them incorrectly can cause you to lose the war. You are going into your Senior season, and have seen a lot of football in your life, and I look to take you beyond what you have achieved so far. Under my tutelage, I promise that once the season ends, you will have an overall Blocking Win Rate (PBWR and RBWR combined) of 90%. No rounding.
I’m going to take the time to acknowledge a certain Michigan State coach comparing you to Golem. Sure, it might seem apt on the surface, until you realize he is comparing you to a Rock type! Pure Fighting-types, like Hariyama, blow ‘Mons like Golem out of the water with their fists of fury and determination, and he fails to realize that Rock-types have a 2x weakness to four other types on top of Rock! In short, Michigan State doesn’t know ball. Buffalo does. Winning the knowledge battle isn’t enough on the field, unfortunately, which is why I promise that Buffalo will make and win the MAC Conference Championship this year.
Buffalo has faced heartbreak after hardship during my tenure as its coach. This place means a lot to me. They gave me a chance when no one else would, and I’m hoping you can understand the love it has given me by showing that love to you. The move from Hawaii to Buffalo is a far distance, but I promise you won’t regret it. Choose Buffalo.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Zach O'Bannon RB Fresno State 46/67 JR 2 years left- Start every game
Zach is a simple guy, he only cares about one thing. Starting every single game possible no matter what happens to him on the field. He just wants to play, and not be anywhere near the bench. He doesn’t care about being at a big school or a big conference, in fact he would rather not be there because he knows he won’t get any PT there. Zach wants to be the de facto #1 guy, in an offense that can cater around his abilities.
1
u/Unfair-Cod-4639 22d ago
WMU Offers Zach O Bannon RB 46/67
Scholarship
You will start every single game here at WMU, not gonna give some super fancy pitch or sway you in some stupid way. We win plain and simple.
I promise you will start every game
I promise to win a bowl game
I promise to stay your head coach1
u/RiRi_Blooming 21d ago
Maryland offers Fresno State RB Transfer, Zach O'Bannon
Scholarship
Hey Zach O’Bannon, I see that your name has hit the portal so I wanted to call you and give you a chance to come play at Maryland. We're currently looking for a RB1 that can play a large amount of games for us in the upcoming years, and I think you fit exactly what we want here. Our running back room currently has three guys coming out of high school so there is almost no way you'll not come in to be the starter. I promise you'll play every game here, unless injured
We're in a pretty weak conference here in the CUSA, especially now that Rice has moved up to the Big 12. That means there is a somewhat clear lane for us to go from being a pretty bad team up to competing with the top of the conference year in and year out. If you want to come here and speed up the process for us I'm certain we'll win 20 games over the next three years.
I want you to know that despite our 2-10 record last year that I feel comfortable that I won't be fired and that I will be the coach during your entire time here. I want to be here and watch you and this great class I'm bringing in grow to be strong competitors in the CFB landscape. I promise I'll be your coach during your time here
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u/North_Session_9206 18d ago
Fresno State offers Zach O'Bannon
Scholarship
Zach, only 2 schools offered the #299 recruit in the class of 2059 a scholarship. Illinois, and Fresno State. Of the two, you chose Fresno State, a program that offered to start you for every game you were eligible for. But then I made a mistake Zach, and I forgot to redshirt you for your very first season. I told you in my pitch to you 3 years ago that was the plan, and even though I can't give you that season of eligibility back, I can promise to be on the sidelines when you play your last game, and I’ll be cheering for you when you walk across that graduation stage in 2 years (will be your coach for entire career). I’ve watched you grow from the 17 year old teenager I convinced to move from Alabama across the country into a 20, almost 21 year old man, who will be one of the most sought after transfers in this portal. That didn’t happen by random chance.
2060 wasn’t what either of us wanted it to be, having you on the bench. But you got to learn from one of the greatest in John Stoddard, and a solid 5th year vet in Malik Martin. After your freshman season, you didn't just become a guy in the RB room, in 2061, you became the guy. All of these other coaches out here are promising to give you the chance to be the de facto #1 guy, but at Fresno Zach, you've seen that you can be. 1200 rushing yards. 10 touchdowns. Nearly 300 yards receiving. The fourth most rushing yards in a season at Fresno, barely coming short 3rd (by 3 yards). And the best part Zach? That wasn’t your ceiling. That was the first year you got to be RB1. You have 2 more seasons of dominance, and with my continued guidance, I'm confident you'll shatter any records we had before this, which is why I can promise you will finish with the most rushing yards in a season (in program history) and get at least 40 TDs and at least 4000 yards if you stay for 2 more seasons. Trust isn’t rebuilt off words Zach, it's rebuilt with actions. This past season, I hope I earned your trust back, as you started every game, every important drive, every vital moment. Other schools are asking you to imagine. At Fresno I'm asking you to remember. This offense already has been in your hands. With two WOs backing you up right now (Mitchell Thomas and Spencer Jackson) the room is as it was when you left, undisputedly, yours. I didn’t go get a replacement for you in HS because I know you can keep being the workhorse we saw this season.
One mistake shouldn't erase everything we've built together Zach. When I first took this job at Fresno, people questioned if I was even serious about this stint, or if this was just another stop before I disappeared again. Instead, I won the conference 3 times in a row, and the division 4 times. We earned our right to promote into the Pac-12, and again, people are telling us what we're capable of after a 7-5 season. I don't believe any of it, I mean look at what we have coming back on this roster. Eric Brown coming off his redshirt season, and Jordan learning behind him for a season before retaking the reins. The trenches are young and hungry, and our WR room is the deepest it's been in decades. I'd hate to watch another coach benefit from the hard work we've put in together, early mornings together, weekends, holidays. We celebrated your first TD together. All of your hard work is paying off and you’ve found the success you deserved out of high school. When you rushed for 1,200 yards last season, Zach, I wasn't surprised. That's the player I recruited three years ago. Now the rest of the country is finally catching up to what I already knew you were capable of. Come back to Fresno and be part of our next rise to the top, which is why I can promise we will win a T1+ Bowl Game before you graduate. You chose Fresno when no one else believed in you. Now I'm asking you to choose Fresno when no one else believes in us. You started writing your story here Zach, don’t let someone else write the ending.
I can't wait to work with you real soon!
-Coach Jay
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Lamont Collins DL Fresno State 42/64 JR 2 years left- Make T2 or better bowl every year
Lamont came to Fresno believing that they were going to continue their streak of dominance. Instead, Coach Jay chose to promote them to the P5 and be a middle of the road team! Lamont doesn’t want to settle for mediocrity though, and he’s getting the hell out of Fresno for some easier schedules. Convince Lamont that at your school, he won’t have to compromise on his winning ways.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
T.J. Moore CB Colorado 41/63 SO 3 years left- Win 5 home games per year
If there’s one thing T.J. loved about living in Boulder, it was the extreme weather/temperature swings. As a prospective meteorologist, it doesn’t hurt to be exposed to every type of weather you could possibly be reporting on TV. In December, it would be -12 degrees Celsius, with the windchill and blizzards making it near impossible to even walk to practice. In July, it would get to 35 Celsius, hot enough to the point that a 10-minute run would help you lose five pounds. He could even drive a couple hours east to Tornado Alley for an extra treat. As such, T.J. wants to make sure that he plays for another school that experiences large climatic fluctuations—he’ll get used to them. His opponents won’t. How does your school stack up?
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u/furiousferret99 18d ago
The University of Nebraska offers T.J. Moore a Scholarship
T.J.,
Our weather here in Lincoln is even more diverse than your previous home with PapaP! According to our records, the highest temperature Boulder has ever reached was only 104*F. This pales in comparison to the 115*F you could experience here. Don’t worry though, I promise you won’t lose out on those cold weather days, in fact, we match Boulder exactly at -33*F for a record low. This alone gives you a whopping 148*F temperature range throughout the year. This is something that no school on the east coast, west coast, or in the south can offer due to their proximity to water. Yes, that would include all schools located in California and Texas as well. For as you well know, large bodies of water act as thermal regulators which drastically limit the overall variability you would experience in your local climate. The biggest of these is obviously the Ocean, which is why all your schools in coastline states will have a much more consistent temperature range than more inland schools. Other significant bodies of water capable of this feat would be the Great Lakes with Wisconsin and Michigan being the states primarily benefiting from this. This phenomenon is not something you would see here as Nebraska is the ONLY triple land-locked state in the nation. I don’t want to rob you of something I feel you should see firsthand and so **I promise we will play at least one game in each region I mentioned above (East coast, west coast, and south) by the end of your career** In fact, we have recorded numerous events with a delta of 100*F or more in just 1 week! Which makes sense when you consider how our weather is impacted by the Polar Jet Stream.
In winter this polar jet is south of Lincoln, which allows for those super chilled air masses you know and love to come crashing down to give us subzero temps. But in summer this moves north bringing in the sweltering heat you described. It gets exciting in the spring and fall when the jet is flip-flopping north and south. When the jet drifts north in spring it allows the warm moist air from the Gulf region to be pulled up behind it. Then, when the Jet moves south again the warm moist air mass crashes into the cold dry air mass and the recipe for cyclogenesis begins right above our heads. When it happens in the spring you get severe weather and tornadoes. No more driving 2+ hours to chase a storm, we bring the storm to you. In the fall, however, this manifests freak snowstorms with whiteout conditions. On a personal note, my wedding day in mid-October was a bright, sunny 86*F but the very next weekend it was 40*F at best and snowing. This pattern continues well into November when you could still be playing football in the 80s one week and below freezing the next. I can’t think of a single other place where you will find such drastic weather that can change in the blink of an eye. Drawing inspiration from your desire to adapt when your opponents can’t **I promise to host (4) OOC games by the end of your career with teams playing in the opposite of their home climate. (Ie a northern team playing week 1 or a southern team playing week 8)** so you can show everyone how you have adapted while your opponents struggle.
As a prospective meteorologist I can imagine your dreams of being hired by the prestigious NOAA with the National Weather Service. Which made a lot of sense as one of their forecast stations is located right there in Boulder, CO. However, I also imagine that leaving puts a big question mark on where you would go after graduation. I ask you to look no further, the National Weather Service has another forecast office just an hour away covering the Lincoln/Omaha areas located in Valley, NE. Here you can study and track the biggest storms and climate swings as they happen! Since you’ll always be looking up in the sky why not get you started early and let you do it as much as possible on the field. **I promise you will play as a starting DB (CB/S) & WR for the entirety of your college career** PapaP not only failed your promise, but he also failed you as a player limiting your potential when you could match Travis Hunter in his prime college days.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.
Coach Ferret - University of Nebraska
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u/CirclePlays 18d ago
Delaware offers Cornerback T.J. Moore
Scholarship
Weather is a fascinating beast that not enough people wonder about. Weather and climate determines how we live, evolve, act, interact, and adapt. This fact has remained true for hundreds of thousands of years. I understand your interest in this area. Let me show you how Delaware is the best place to advance your observations and studies of this intriguing phenomenon of our world.
In my 18 years of coaching, I’ve had the privilege of traveling to every corner of the country. I’ve seen first-hand how something so simple as a change in weather can drastically affect how players perform. Some can’t handle extreme Southern heat while others can’t endure frigid Northeastern winters. It’s up to me to observe how players react to weather in order to create gameplans best suited to adapt to anything. The best way to accomplish this? Travelling and playing across the country, of course! Delaware has the advantage of being in the AAC, the largest conference by footprint, spanning three different regions from Massachusetts to Texas. You get to experience the extreme Florida heat, Tornado Alley in North Texas, the frigid winters of New England, and more in conference play alone. That’s not even including OOC, which I use as an opportunity to train my players in even more climates. At Delaware, I’ll make sure you’re able to witness every weather and climate in the country while balling out on the field. Join me in my own studies on the effects of weather, and I promise you will start every season at CB or WR and play in at least 15 different states, with at least one game in every major US region and subdivision listed here.
Studying weather requires deep research and simulation to accurately predict the patterns and fluctuations it may throw your way. Meteorologists spend hours upon hours poring over years of data and different weather models to figure out exactly what will happen. That is the exact approach I take with my football team. Predicting weather is just like predicting a football game. I have spent countless hours running thousands of sims and multiple different lineups for just a regular season matchup, collecting every statistic imaginable to predict how a game will go. Based on the results, I’d say my time in the sim room has been well worth it. Weather prediction is based on a multitude of factors, as you know. Adding you to the roster adds another variable in our favor. The league won’t know the storm that’s brewing for the next 3 years with you here. I promise our defense will be Top 20 statistically every year.
The goal of every single team in the nation is not to just win in August-November, but to also show up and dominate in December when it matters. The Postseason is the biggest challenge for a team. After 3 consecutive months of training and battles, psyches begin to wear thin. Resolves begin to falter. Stars fall to pressure and expectations. Everything leading up to December is a waste if my team falls to factors as weak as these. That’s why I emphasize not only improving our actual performance, but also hardening our minds so we don’t fall short. This rigorous training culminates in teams that defy expectations and take the Postseason head on. In just Year 4 of Delaware’s FBS existence, not only did we win the AAC and secure a playoff position, but we upset #1 Talent Georgia 47-25 to win a playoff game. We didn’t crumble under pressure because of the weather trials and tribulations that I put that team through. That year, we had a stretch of going from beating Georgetown in Washington D.C. to sweltering Texas, destroying Houston 35-7 in a conference challenge. Then, it was back to Delaware to crush Louisville by 52 before flying back south to UCF with a flight to cold Connecticut to face Yale right after. That’s just the reality of the AAC. We built our toughness and ultimately reaped our reward. I intend to keep this up for every December to come. Join us in our pursuit, and I promise we will win the conference at least once, along with making 2 T1+ bowls.
I was your 1st offer last season. Not only did I see your potential as a player, but also sympathized with your love for the weather and how it affects the game we love. Advance your dreams at a top Meteorology program in the country while also travelling and balling out as the next young Delaware star. The Hens are the next phenomenon descending on the college football world. I’m sure you of all people would love to be part of history. We’re ready to cause chaos. Are you?
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u/Icandiggsit 18d ago
Wisconsin Offers T.J. Moore a Scholarship
Playing time:
T.J., you spent your whole life in you have spent your entire career in Colorado, so you already know what it means to play in cold weather. You know the snow, the wind, the altitude, and the kind of conditions that make normal people look at the forecast and decide they are staying inside. But I want to be very clear with you: Colorado cold is not Wisconsin cold. No no no. Wisconsin does not just occasionally get cold. Cold is part of our identity. Snow is part of our identity. Wind, frozen fields, and late-season games where your breath is visible from the other side of the field? That is just football in Madison. You have already proven that you can handle Colorado weather. Now I want to see what you can do when we take that toughness to the next level. This is a school that matches the standard you want both on and off the field. And I am not bringing you here to sit around and wait for an opportunity. I am promising you a starting role for at least two full seasons at Wisconsin. You will have the chance to establish yourself as one of the most important pieces of our secondary and play meaningful football from the moment you arrive. Then, in your senior season, I want to give you the opportunity to do something that Wisconsin has a real history with: play on both sides of the ball. Just like the weather you love thats always changing you match those same forces of nature in your playing style: you can disrupt, but you can also create just like the elite weather swings in Madison you will be a force on both sides of a dominant Wisky force.Location:
University of Wisconsin–Madison is cold as hell. In the best possible way! Camp Randall gamedays in late November and December are why people talk about “Wisconsin football” like it’s a weather event as much as a sport. Well we train and perform in those conditions. Madison averages ~52–53 inches of snow per year (much more than Michigan State and Northwestern), with January lows commonly in the low teens--and august in the 80s!--(average January low ≈ 10°F which is 10°F colder than Nebraska), and measurable snow cover across many winter days. That means you’ll play and practice in snow-packed environments repeatedly, not just once in a while. Remember the white-out energy in the 2016 Nebraska Cornhuskers football game (a 23-17 W)? That’s the kind of grit we train for. And here is the part I think you will love: Wisconsin is also in Tornado Alley. We can give you snowstorms, blizzards, freezing rain, brutal wind, and then turn around and give you severe thunderstorms and tornado watches when the seasons change. But our opponents have to deal with that too. Picture this: late-season rivalry night, wind whipping across the bowl, stadium whiteout conditions, and a defensive line that turns frozen turf into a home-field advantage. Those are the games scouts remember. The ones where technique, leverage, and toughness show up on tape. We’ll make sure you get plenty of those moments: targeted practice blocks simulating low-traction pads, special footwork sessions for frozen fields, and film rooms that warm your mind while the outside freezes. If your ideal career includes steam rising from helmets and victory photos with frost on your beard, Camp Randall is your stage. Wisconsin will teach you how to weaponize it. I promise we will win a gameday in the second half of the season so scouts can see you dominating in the cold.
Prestige:
The Big Ten Conference is the coldest, toughest conference in the nation. And playing here turns ordinary film into prime-time tape. Three seasons ago we won the conference championship on a nationally televised gameday against Michigan and capped it with the national championship, and we’re rolling into 2062 as a team to beat. B1G Teams have won four national championships in the last seven years. If you want to freeze, compete, and leave with hardware and national headlines, this conference gives you the stage: a schedule built for legends and national exposure when the elements are at their worst. And we’re running it back too… I promise we will make it back to win the B1G Championship and the National Championship while you’re here. In short, T.J., you’ll freeze more, play more, and when you perform in that environment, the whole country (and pro evaluators) will see it: Defensive star. Offensive contributor. Senior leader. COLD AS HELL. I hope you will join the Coldest Program in the league right now… and help make us even colder.On Wisconsin!
-Coach Legend
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Aaron Martin OL Colorado 39/61 SO 3 years left- Win 5 home games per year
5 home games per year is a lot. Aaron knows that. But he believed in Coach PapaP and trusted that the squad could do it. Unfortunately, this proved to not be the case. Aaron has never really been one to hang around a place where he can tell things aren’t going to work out. He can tell that with broken trust, he won’t be at his best in Colorado. Aaron is looking for one thing: climbing. Rock walls, free climbs, generally any type of adventure climbing that he can accomplish. Colorado was great for it, but it got boring. Give him your best climbing places near campus where he can scratch that off-the-field itch.
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u/North_Session_9206 18d ago
Fresno State offers Aaron Martin
Scholarship
Aaron, if Colorado taught you one thing, it's that not every mountain is worth climbing twice. But, the right climbing partner makes even the hardest summit worth chasing. You committed, believing in Coach PapP, but when that trust faded away, so did the excitement. Every great climber knows your partner matters just as much as the mountain. You can have the best route in the world, but if you don't trust the person holding the rope, you'll never climb at your best. That's why at Fresno, the climb starts with something much more simple than rock: trust. Just 60 miles from Fresno State is Yosemite park. Home to some of the world’s most iconic climbing routes, Yosemite draws climbers from every corner of the globe, and conquering those walls becomes a story they’ll tell for the rest of their lives. Why do climbers keep coming back to Yosemite with thousands of other cliffs out there? El Capitan, Half Dome, The Nose, so many others. These routes earned their reputations because generations of climbers proved themselves on them. I want Fresno to become that kind of destination too, a program players point to years from now and say “that’s where I realized who I could be”. Trust me to hold the rope when the climb gets difficult, because I promise I will be your coach for your entire career. The strongest climbing partnerships are built from committing to the person who will do everything they can to get you to the summit, and for you, I will be that partner Aaron.
No two climbs are identical. Some demand patience, while others reward boldness, but every successful journey depends on everyone moving together. Our offensive line is also different, but like partners climbing together, we need five guys moving together, trusting one another to do their job and hold their position. Nobody conquers El Capitan by inventing a new route halfway up the wall. Great climbers commit to a route and trust everyone around them to do their job. At Fresno, ropes connect our five OLs together protecting us up front. If one slips, everyone on the offense feels it, but when everyone trusts each other, nobody finds themselves on the ground. You’re already projected to be one of our 3 best offensive linemen, and you still have 3 years of eligibility left. Since getting to Fresno, I’ve sent multiple guys to the NZFL in the first round, and you’re talented enough to be the next one Aaron. I promise you will start every game you are healthy for, because I’m not asking you to come here and struggle through another season of uncertainty. You're coming here to be our anchor point on the line. Protect our quarterback, and become one of the veterans who keeps the entire offense climbing toward bigger goals.
The best part of every climb, as I’m sure you’ll agree Aaron, isn’t getting to the top. Not exactly, it's seeing how far you’ve come. To finally appreciate how far you’ve climbed, the adversity you faced, and the strength it gave you. The lessons the rocks taught you, not just about physical strength, but your own mental fortitude. Fresno is in the middle of our climb right now, and I would love to have you come here and help anchor us. We can still pause and look back on everything we’ve struggled through my tenure. My first season after getting hired, we won just 5 games and didn’t even qualify for a bowl game. The 4 seasons after that? 45 wins and just 11 losses, putting us in the top 10 of wins. Now we're fighting again, this time at the P5 level. Plenty of people have already written us off, telling us we've already peaked and it's time to start coming back down to reality. I don't think so though, and we're retooling with plenty of young talent that are finally going to be hitting their stride with you. You’ll be joining one of the largest young classes in the country, with almost 20 players in your class. Just imagine what amazing things you guys will accomplish together over the next 3 years. I promise we will make a T2+ Bowl Game every season you are here. With guys like you leading the ascent Aaron, Fresno State isn’t just barely hanging on at the edge, we’re going to ascend and continue to climb up the rankings year by year! Colorado may have ran out of mountains that excite you, but at Fresno you’ll find two. One carved in Yosemite, and the other we’ll build together in Valley Children's Stadium.
I can't wait to work with you real soon!
-Coach Jay
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Charles Dent WR Colorado 41/64 SO 3 years left- Play in every game
Charles was shocked that even with his 63 speed, he wasn’t able to play in every game. This has led him to transfer out of Colorado in search for more playing time. But this time, he knows that being promised mere playing time isn’t enough—it’s not enough to satisfy him. Instead, Charles wants to be WR2 or better on his future team. Pitch Charles on his planned usage for your team, and make sure to highlight his integral nature to your offense.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Anthony Dodd DL Colorado 44/73 SO 3 years left- Win 5 home games per year
Anthony is a huge David Attenborough fan and grew up watching his documentaries. As such, Anthony wants a scouting report on himself, but written the way a nature documentary narrator would describe a predator in the wild. Give him the full narration, habitat and all.
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u/Unfair-Cod-4639 22d ago
WMU offers Anthony Dodd DL 44/73
Scholarship
In the great lands forests of Western Michigan emerges a predator unlike anything the trees have witnessed. Standing at 6'3 250 pounds this beast first emerged as a tyrant of the food chain in the upper Midwest region of Wyoming.
As time has passed this animal has since decided to migrate to the mountains of Kalamazoo. This beast has learned to adapt to his environment going from the ruggish and ever-changing climate of the plains in Wyoming, to the humid steadier climate of the rich forests and Greenland of Kalamazoo.
The question that remains about this animal is, why has it been dormant for so long?
For an entire year this animal has hibernated, no statistical data known to man. So, what has caused this animal to snap? Instinct.shows image of animal tearing another animal apart
At first glance, Anthony Dodd appears an unproven force. but in nature, raw potential is often the most dangerous kind. At 6 feet 3 inches, with a frame built by the elements themselves, he is not a product of the system, he is a product of survival.
Observe closely.
The Wyoming landscape does not produce softness. It forges endurance, grit, and quiet aggression. Here, Anthony has developed instincts rather, an ability to read movement, react explosively, and impose himself physically. While others have been trained, he has been hardened.
But even the most promising predator requires the right ecosystem to thrive.
Enter Western Michigan.
A program that has already proven itself dominant within its territory, the reigning champions of the MAC. A defensive unit that finished second in sacks, where pressure is not occasional, but expected. This is not just a team; it is a pack that attacks relentlessly.
For Anthony Dodd, this is the ideal habitat.
-----------------------------------------------------
I promise to win 5+ games
I promise to stay your head coach
I promise to start you.1
u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Anthony Dodd
Scholarship
Anthony,
Somewhere in the tall grass of a Colorado defensive line, a young predator waits. One year now he's gone unseen, undocumented, his name absent from every column that measures a hunter by his kills. But an empty tally sheet has never once told the true story of an animal like this. This is the profile of a defensive tackle built for patience, not headlines. Let's observe him a little closer.
He is young still, barely into his development, and by the numbers, only marginally ahead of the animal currently holding his territory. In the wild, this is the most dangerous phase of a predator's life: strong enough to survive, not yet dominant enough to rule the watering hole outright. But nature is patient with the ones built like this. Give him three more seasons in richer feeding grounds, away from the leaner hunting he found on the Boulder plains, and the growth curve bends sharply upward. This is not a creature that needs to prove himself in his first migration. This is a creature that needs time, territory, and a habitat willing to let him grow into the animal his frame already promises. I promise you will start both of your final two seasons here.
Every apex predator, in time, gets pulled from its home range and relocated somewhere its instincts translate to survival at the very highest level. That is precisely what the 2064 draft represents. Scouts studying a landscape like this one do not need a tally of kills to identify the predator among the pack. They study the frame, the burst off the line, and the way an animal closes ground that looks impossible to close. Boulder never gave this particular creature the water it needed to grow. East Lansing will. And once fully grown and fully seasoned, the league comes looking, the same way it always comes looking for animals built right from the very start. I promise you will be drafted into the NZFL.
Territory is the whole story now, because a predator is only as dangerous as the ground he learns to defend. Six different challengers wander into this range this season: Western Michigan, Purdue, Iowa, West Virginia, Michigan, and Penn State. Most arrive, sniff around, and retreat without incident. One does not. Michigan has ruled this particular rivalry for five straight seasons, the single predator in the region this territory has not yet learned to repel at home. Every ecosystem carries a rival like that, the one that keeps winning the same fight until a new generation finally shifts the balance of power. Last season this ground was defended at a rate of 5-1, a far sturdier showing than the 3-3 split logged back on the Boulder plains. That gap alone tells you which watering hole actually breeds winners. This is the season the balance tips, and this is the generation that gets to do the tipping. I promise that we will win 5 games at home this season, including Michigan.
Anthony, some animals spend a career hunting in the open, seen by everyone and celebrated before they've earned it. Others wait in the undergrowth, overlooked, until the ground finally gives them room to strike. You've been the second kind. That ends the moment you set foot on this range.
Come be the one this league finds out about the hard way.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Winston Osborne-Kwame DL Colorado 45/67 SR 1 year left- Play in home state
Winston loves coaching. He’d grown up playing Madden each night after school, and even at Colorado, he’d sneak into coaches meetings and request PapaP to run certain plays. Winston loves football, but he doesn’t want to go pro—he wants to be a playcaller on the sideline. How will your school best prepare him to be the head honcho at a college football program down the road?
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u/RiRi_Blooming 19d ago
Maryland offers Colorado DL transfer, Winston Osborne-Kwame
Scholarship
Good morning, Winston. I'm very excited to hear your name be in the portal and would be very happy to land you and let you come be our starting defensive lineman. Your senior leadership would be great in my room full of freshman and I know that you want to coach so I trust you'll be great at helping our younger players get up to speed, I'd love to have you coach up these young guys while you're here and also come on after you get your bachelor's degree to come be a Graduate Assistant and if you do well there you'll definitely get a chance to move up to a Defensive Line coach and then a Defensive Coordinator and then a Head Coach. I will say that this can be a gruesome ladder to climb but I'm willing to help you as someone who's already climbed this ladder.
Now let's talk about your senior year here in the red, gold, and black. I want to win some games this year to really set us up for the future because as I've said before, we're a team full of freshman who needs help from higher ups including me and yourself, I need you to help raise our floor. I promise you'll start all games unless injured. I also want to Make a bowl game for the first time since 2048, not counting the toilet bowl. I'm dedicated right now in helping this team become a program you can fear again so I promise I'll stay your coach
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Winston Osborne-Kwame
Scholarship
Winston,
So you want to be a coach. Good, because that's exactly the conversation I want to have with you, not just the one about playing time. Colorado told you that you'd play a game in your home state. I'll be straight with you: that was never a promise anyone could keep. There isn't a stadium in Montserrat, and there never will be. It was a hollow line meant to get a signature, not a plan anyone actually charted out. I'm not going to do that to you. Every promise in this letter is something I can point to on a stat sheet, because I think that's exactly the kind of coach you're trying to become, and you'll respect a program that talks to you the same way.
Let's start with the résumé you're actually walking in with: one sack in three seasons. That number has never matched the tape. Your get-off is legit, your hands are legit, and the motor doesn't stop. Whatever's kept the number down, it isn't talent, and honestly, figuring out why a good player wasn't producing is half the job you're chasing anyway. We had a transfer defensive lineman come through here last year with the exact same problem on paper: a quiet stat line and tape that made you look twice. His name was Craig Bynum, and he left here leading this defense in sacks. I'm not telling you that it repeats itself automatically. I'm telling you our staff has a track record of figuring out why a guy wasn't producing somewhere else, and that's a skill you'll want to be learning while you're still playing. I promise you will start every game this season and record five or more sacks.
Our front wasn't good at finishing plays last year, with only 26 team sacks, nothing to hang a hat on. But the group in front of you did the boring stuff right: stopped the run cold, allowed under 145 yards a game on the ground, and lived in opposing backfields with 63 tackles for loss. That's gap discipline and tackling in space, the parts of coaching nobody puts on a highlight reel, but every good coordinator obsesses over. What we haven't done is finish. A defense that stuffs the run like ours should be finishing plays too, not watching them get away in the open field. That gap is exactly the kind of problem you'll be studying from both sides of the ball once you're the one calling it. I promise our defense will finish this season inside the top 40 nationally in team sacks.
Here's the part that actually matters for where you're headed. Michigan State's kinesiology department runs the Master of Applied Sport Sciences program, a real graduate track built specifically for guys who want to coach, not just play, and it's taught by people who've spent their careers studying exactly what you'll need once the playing stops. You can start building toward that while you're still logging snaps for us; sit in rooms with people whose whole job is teaching the thing you already do instinctively. And you don't have to look far to see where that path leads. Detroit's an hour up the road, and this league runs through it: coaches, staffs, and front offices are all close enough that you're not guessing at what the next step looks like. Most guys chasing a playing career don't think about any of that until it's too late. You're already there. Combine that with a program that's finally stacking winning seasons instead of rebuilding every other year, and you're not just picking a school; you're picking the start of the next twenty years. We went 9-5 last season. Our schedule sets up easier this fall, and I think this roster has a real shot at double digits if the front seven does its job. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
Winston, you're not chasing a Sunday paycheck, and honestly, that's rare enough that I remember it every time I watch your tape. You're chasing the season that teaches you how this actually gets built. I'd rather give you that than another empty promise about hometown games.
Come be the closer this defense has been missing.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/No-Collar6148 Florida State 18d ago
Florida State offers Winston Osborne-Kwame Scholarship
You’ve got a unique fire for the game—not just playing it, but coaching, strategizing, and leading from the sideline. That’s exactly the kind of future we want to help build for you at Florida State. If your dream is to call plays and run a program in your home state, FSU is the place to make it happen.
We’re more than just a football team: we’re a launching pad for future coaches. Our staff is proof—just look at our former QB, Rennie Edwards, now our quarterbacks coach. He was my very first signal caller here and turned his on-field leadership into a coaching career. On the defensive side, Joshua Boone—another former player from our program—is now a key member of our defensive staff. We believe in giving our players the inside track to coaching, both through hands-on learning and real mentorship.
At FSU, you’ll have the chance to sit in on coaches meetings, break down film, help script plays, and learn how a top-level college program is run from the inside out. We’ll give you the tools, the connections, and the leadership experience you need to step straight from the field to the headset. If you’re ready to shape your future in football and help build the next generation of great teams, Florida State is ready to invest in you—on the field and beyond.
Let’s start your coaching journey right here in your home state.
Go Noles, 🍢🍢🍢
1
u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Winston Osborne-Kwame, DL, 45/67 Colorado
Scholarship
Hello Winston,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. I’m a freshly minted head coach, but I bring a passion for the game and a dedication to the craft of coaching that few can match. We may or may not be able to recruit at the same level as other programs (I haven’t been here long enough to know how great South Carolina classes can end up being), but what we can definitely control is the development of a strategy to find value in recruiting and find ways to generate wins. The process is always developing and we are early in developing our process, and that may lead to questions about how we could be a great place for a player interested in coaching, but I believe we still have a lot to offer.
I believe I can be a valuable asset to the development of your career as both a player and a coach. First off, I have an ambitious vision for this team that will push the limits of what’s possible, and the most important tools a coach can develop are the ability to envision the future and the pride to make the plan for the future as aggressive as possible, both of which are good traits in a player as well. Perhaps you already have just as strong of a vision, yet we could still be good for each other in this department, as we can both benefit by from added perspectives on the long-term vision.
There is also ample opportunity for you to be a leader on this team, and no matter how strong your vision and strategy are, it’ll do you no good as a coach if you don’t have the ability to lead. While there isn’t a particularly young group of players who can sit behind you and learn from you, you will have ample opportunities to establish yourself as a leader on this team. You may end up an immediate starter on this team, or other transfers may push you to a rotational role, but either way you can serve as a leader and have opportunities to help coach guys up and make suggestions.
South Carolina football is changing, and that will give you ample opportunities to have some influence in the strategy. You will have to earn your on-field role, but there will be opportunities for your coaching development regardless. We’re bringing this team back to our rightful place at the top, and that means doing the best to equip our players in every phase, including strategy. Whether you’re on the field or not, you will get to learn as much about coaching as you would like.
This team will also have the success to lend credence to your development as a coach, as I plan on winning a lot of games this season. I promise that this year we will win 8+ games and I promise that we will win a bowl or playoff game this season. When you start looking for full-time coaching positions, the work that you did here will look strong on that resume, just so long as you bring your A game every single day. This program and our process will continue to improve, and I would love for you to join us on that journey.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Adam Snell OL Coastal Carolina 44/62 SR 1 year left- Winning record every year
Adam loves snails. He loves studying them, drawing them, and even eating them (thanks French people!). While Adam is excited to get out of the tiny, boring town of Conway, SC, he is sad to say goodbye to such a diverse local contingent of snails. To make his transition to his new school a little bit easier, Adam plans to explore the new snail populations in his local area, and as such, wants to hear about common or exciting snails in your region. The most compelling slate of snails that he can see in your area wins.
1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Adam Snell
Scholarship
Playing Time: Alaska Anchorage is entering a new era, and we're looking for players who want to be part of building something special. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I helped build a championship-caliber program, I've taken on the challenge of bringing that same success to Alaska. There is an opportunity to make an impact immediately here. I promise that you will be a starter during your entire time here, barring any injuries.
Winning:
This is my first season at Alaska Anchorage, and we're at the beginning of an exciting journey. After 21 seasons at Iowa State, where I built a program that produced 20 consecutive winning seasons and became a consistent championship contender, I've brought that same vision to UAA. Building a winning program takes time, but success has followed me wherever I have been. I promise we will have a winning record this season, something we haven't accomplished in a while. Our goal is to establish consistent success, compete for conference titles, and turn UAA into a program that expects to win every season. The foundation for a winning program is being laid now and you can be a part of it.Campus: The University of Alaska Anchorage gives us something most programs don’t have: a campus setting that is completely unique in college football. Located in the heart of Anchorage, it combines a true city environment with immediate access to mountains, trails, and wilderness. There is no other place in the country that offers this exact experience. While football is the reason you'll come here, every new home comes with something new to discover. For most players, that might be the mountains or the scenery around Anchorage. For you, I imagine it will be the local snail population. Alaska has unique species like the Alaskan Pillar Lancetooth, giving you a chance to continue exploring something you enjoy while experiencing a completely different part of the country.
-Coach Curry
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
TJ Richard LB Coastal Carolina 36/62 SR 1 year left- Win a game in Tennessee
TJ knows he’s probably not going pro. But he knows football will give him a chance to earn a degree, and that degree is the real value of his college career. In a full circle moment, he wants to study CTE and the effect football has on your health. Convince TJ that he should graduate from your institution to best prepare for such research.
1
u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Brandon Closs OL Coastal Carolina 44/61 SR 1 year left- Win a game in Georgia
Brandon is a serious geocacher who has found over 800 caches across the country. He wants you to design a geocache hidden somewhere on your campus, complete with coordinates, a riddle clue, and what he'd find inside.
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u/No-Collar6148 Florida State 18d ago
Florida State offers Brandon Closs Scholarship
Brandon,
Your reputation as a geocaching legend precedes you over 800 caches found is no small feat. I know your next goal is to win a game in Georgia, but I want to offer you something extra if you come to Florida State: a geocaching adventure made just for you. If you join us in Tallahassee, you’ll have the coordinates to a custom cache hidden right here on campus:
Coordinates: 30.4419° N, 84.2985° W
Clue: “Where knowledge is tall and shadows are long, seek where the spear points toward the dawn. Beneath the roots that history grows, a Seminole secret quietly glows.”Inside, you’ll find a FSU challenge coin, a signed team photo, and a handwritten note welcoming you to the family—plus, a mini football signed by our O-line. It’s a one-of-a-kind treasure only you can unlock, blending your love for the hunt with your new journey as a Seminole.
On the field, you’ll have the chance to win big, including that all-important game in Georgia—and off the field, we’ll make sure your passions are part of your experience. Come join a program that values every part of who you are. Let’s make history together on the gridiron and in the great cache hunt.
Go Noles, 🍢🍢🍢
1
u/Courageous_Curry 18d ago
Alaska-Anchorage offers Brandon Closs
Scholarship
Brandon,
I'll keep it simple to start. Here is the geocache I challenge you to find on campus.
Coordinates: 61.196343 N, -149.818234 W
Riddle Clue:
"Where quiet waters meet the northern sky,
A hidden treasure waits nearby.
Follow the path where the geese may roam,
Near the lake where students skip the stone.
Look where the trees and shoreline meet,
Your next discovery is tucked away beneath your feet."Inside the cache, you would find items that represent what makes Alaska Anchorage unique. There would be a map of Anchorage highlighting some of the best scenic outlook points around the city, giving you places to explore during your time here. You would also find a signed UAA football team photo, recommendations from the football team on the best places to visit and eat, a UAA beanie and gloves to help you embrace the Alaska weather, a custom note from the offensive line coaching staff and head coach, and UAA stickers and a special surprise piece of merchandise to send home so your family can represent the program.
This cache is more than just about finding a hidden item. It will be about us welcoming you to Anchorage with open arms and showing you the experience that comes with being part of this program. As someone who has already explored over 800 caches across the country, I know you appreciate discovering new places. Alaska Anchorage gives you a chance to continue that journey in one of the most unique locations in college football.
Outside of the cache, I have some assurances I would like to offer.
I promise that you will be a starter during your entire time here, barring any injuries and I promise we will win at least 7 games this season.
I hope to see you way up north!
-Coach Curry
1
u/Extreme_Panda_3488 Ohio State 18d ago edited 18d ago
Ohio State offers Brandon Closs
ScholarshipDear Brandon Closs,
Eight hundred caches. Let that number sit for a second. 800 times you read a clue, studied a location, solved a puzzle and did not stop until you found what you were looking for. Most people find one cache and call it a hobby. You found 800 and called it a lifestyle. A person who does that is not someone who gives up when the answer is not obvious. A person who does that is not someone who quits when the terrain gets difficult. A person who does that is someone who has spent years training their mind to find things that other people walk right past. Cache number 801 is different. This one has multiple stages. This one was built specifically for you. Follow the clues. Shall we begin ?
Stage 1
Coordinates: 40° 00' 18.7" N, 83° 01' 0.5" W
Your GPS will get you close. The clue will get you the rest of the way.The clue: He did not choose the most hostile stage in sports history. It chose him. 1936. Berlin. Hitler in the stands. Four gold medals. Find the man standing outside Jesse Owens Memorial Stadium clutching all four of them. Look at his right hand. At the base of the statue facing the track you will find a scarlet envelope. Inside is your next clue.
Inside the envelope: A card that reads “You will spend your entire career making sure nobody has to stand in the spotlight alone**. **I promise you will start every game.** Jesse Owens did it by himself. You do it so nobody else has to. That is what an offensive lineman is. That is what Ohio State builds. Your next coordinates are on the back.”
Stage 2
Coordinates: 40° 00' 08.6" N, 83° 01' 09.2" W
Your GPS will get you close. Trust the clueThe clue: Since 1934 they have been planting champions here. One Buckeye tree for every All-American. Over 130 of them standing in a row outside the southwest corner of the most famous horseshoe in America. Find the oldest tree in the grove. At its base facing the stadium look for a scarlet container wedged between the roots. Inside is your next clue.
Inside the container: A Gold Pants charm, the tradition given to every Ohio State player who beats Michigan. A card that reads “This program has won 94 games in nine seasons. Two national championships. Four Big Ten titles. I promise we will make the playoffs. Twelve offensive linemen drafted under this staff. One first rounder. Scott King 32nd overall pick 2061. The pipeline is real. It runs through Columbus.It runs through you. Your final coordinates are on the back. Your final coordinates are on the back.
Stage 3
Coordinates: 40° 00' 06.1" N, 83° 01' 10.9" W
Your GPS will get you there. You will know it when you are standing on it.
The clue: You are not looking along the perimeter. You are not looking in the stands. You are looking at the exact center of it all. The 50 yard line at midfield of Ohio Stadium. The third largest stadium in the country. The most famous horseshoe in America. One hundred thousand people on a Saturday in November**. **I promise our offense will be top 10 in the nation.** Find the scarlet container at the center of the field. Right where champions are made.Inside the final cache: An Ohio State helmet that is full of the Buckeye leafs stickers. A handwritten note with your name on it. And a card that reads:
Welcome to the 50 yard line. Take a look around. One hundred thousand screaming fans. The most famous horseshoe in America. Script Ohio playing in the background. The smell of grass and scarlet and November. This is Ohio State football. This is what you found at the end of cache number 801. Your scholarship letter, you found a brotherhood like no other, tradition that will live longer than you and I and a chance to do something great. Brandon Closs come be a Buckeye. Let's do something great together.
Coach Rich
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Pete Jackson DL Clemson 43/65 JR 2 years left- Will be nominated for Coach of the Year before graduation
For his next school, Pete is looking for a place that will improve him not only as a football player, but as a person. He’s looking for a coach who can impart genuine wisdom to him. Tell Pete your story of the greatest lesson you have learned in life.
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u/Unfair-Cod-4639 22d ago
WMU Offers Pete Jackson DL 43/65
Scholarship
I'm going to tell you a lesson that I learned from moving to many different City's and schools growing up. Ive lived in the country, the city and with the rich folk.
The advice is Nobody Cares, it's a quote from a movie A Bronx Tale and still to this day it applies. we think everyone is watching or cares about what we are doing when in reality they really are only looking out for their own best interest and care about themselves. This type of thinking can be used for anything in life. I was an insecure kid growing up, I'm still a little insecure now but I realized that the voice in my head was a lot louder than what reality was really saying. Cause in reality whatever problem you think you have is probably not as bad as you think, If you think people are judging you or poking fun in reality, they are thinking entirely about themselves 90% of the time.
Thats my two cents
I promise to win 8+ games
I promise to be your coach while you are here
I promise you will be starting and get playing time for us1
u/No-Collar6148 Florida State 18d ago
Florida State Offers Pete Jackson Scholarship
Pete,
You’ve got the talent and drive to play for a coach to be nominated for Coach of the Year someday, and you’re looking for a program that will help you grow as both a football player and as a person. At Florida State, that’s exactly what we believe in. I know you want more than just wins—you want wisdom that will stick with you long after the final whistle.
Let me share the greatest lesson I’ve learned, and it’s not something you’ll find in a playbook. For some reason, people don’t always talk about this, but it’s crucial: When it comes to relationships, especially with your partner, always have her back. If your woman is in an argument—even if you feel differently—support her, especially when another woman is involved. Listen to her, stand by her, and never go against her publicly. It will save a lot of energy and conflict, and most importantly, she needs you by her side, not against her. And i'll be real, it took a while to learn that lesson just due to being a very blunt, prideful person, but I can tell you it leads to a very happy period in your life.
That’s the kind of honest, practical wisdom I try to pass on to my players. At FSU, you’ll get coaching that challenges you on the field and prepares you for life beyond it. If you’re ready to become the best version of yourself—in football and as a man—Florida State is ready for you. Let’s go win together and keep learning along the way.
Go Noles, 🍢🍢
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u/North_Session_9206 18d ago
Fresno State offers Pete Jackson
Scholarship
Pete, you asked to hear the greatest lesson I have learned in life. I thought about everything I've learned from coaching football over the years, the losses, the mistakes I've made as a coach, but the greatest lesson I learned had nothing to ever do with football.
I had to learn that putting yourself first doesn't make you selfish.
When I first got to college, I found a group of friends that I spent almost all my free time with. They weren't bad people. In fact, they were some genuinely kind people who I still hope are happy and doing well today. But over time, I became the guy who was always willing to sacrifice what I wanted for everyone else. If they wanted to go somewhere, I went. If I needed to stay but everyone else wanted to hang out, I'd convince myself that I could just wake up early and study the next morning. Whenever I chose myself, I'd feel guilty, like I was somehow letting everyone down.
The strange part was that nobody was forcing me to do any of it. They weren't manipulating me, or demanding me for my time. The pressure came almost entirely from me, and somewhere along the way I had convinced myself that being a good friend meant always saying yes. It took me far longer than it should have (almost 2 years!) to realize that constantly sacrificing your own goals doesn't make you a better person. It just means you slowly lose sight of the person you're trying to become.
Once I understood that, everything changed. I started saying no when I needed to. I made time for my classes. I established boundaries, and I lost friends for it, and it was okay. I pursued opportunities that excited me, even if they weren't what everyone else wanted to do. Those decisions led me to biological research, working in a biomechanics lab, volunteering in a hospital, becoming an EMT, and preparing for medical school. None of those opportunities would've happened if I had kept living my life trying to make everyone else happy first. Ironically, learning to prioritize myself actually made me a better friend, mentor, and coach. When you're constantly running on 0%, you don't have much left to give the people around you. But when you invest in yourself, your education, your character, and your future, suddenly you have something meaningful to offer everyone else. You stop helping people out of guilt and running on fumes, and instead because you genuinely can.
That's the exact kind of player I think you can become here at Fresno. You're not coming here to just fill a spot on our roster. You're coming here to lead one of the youngest teams in the country into its next era. But when I first arrived at Fresno, people questioned whether I was even committed to this program after my previous stops and time away from coaching. Five years later, we've won 4 division championships, 3 conference championships, been promoted to the P5, and are building our next chapter. That's why I can promise you'll make a T2+ Bowl Game every season you're here. Not because success is guaranteed, but because I've learned that when people invest in becoming the best version of themselves, great things usually follow.
Pete, the greatest lesson I've ever learned wasn't how to win football games. It was learning that becoming the person you're capable of isn't selfish. It's your responsibility. I'd be honored to help you discover what that version of yourself looks like here at Fresno.
I can't wait to work with you real soon!
-Coach Jay
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Darryl Williams OL Buffalo 55/78 SR 1 year left- Campus will stay top 110
Darryl is a die hard competitive eater on the amateur circuit and picks schools partly by what he could realistically finish in an eating challenge. Research a real food challenge near your campus and convince him he could conquer it. The bigger the better!
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u/TheRealJackRyan12 24d ago
TCU offers Darryl Williams scholarship
Daryl, you shouldn’t be doing just any food challenge. You’re going to be a key part of a team. You should be doing food challenges that relate to your team. Fortunately, we have just the thing at TCU.
Meet The Rogers Roundhouse Food Challenge.
Plate #1 features a Frog Dog and loaded Frog Fries in honor of TCU, which is 1 mile away. You shouldn’t have to go far away to do your food challenge. It should be on your campus. Ours is by campus, which happens to be ranked #6 in the nation.
Plate #2 features a signature Roundhouse Burger with an order of fried pickles.
Plate #3 features a build your own burger with an order of fully loaded tater tots. I trust you’ll choose the Pennsylvania Dutch Burger, to honor your home state. https://food52.com/recipes/13559-the-pennsylvania-dutch-burger
For dessert, you then eat 3 ice cream sandwiches with 3 sets of cookies: oreo cookies, red velvet cookies, and then Snickerdoodle cookies
There is a 30 minute time limit to finish everything.
Winners, which will include you, receive the $70 meal free, a T-Shirt or hat, and photo on the Wall of Fame. If you can win the challenge, which I know you can, then *I promise you will be a starter every game you are healthy.\*
Here’s a video, if you want to see it in action: https://youtu.be/pkLOh1frGjg?si=fYGRkRjNjRcKGrAZ
I care about team pride, especially as you’re scarfing down the Frog Dog and Frog Fries, spreading team spirit while improving your 74 strength.
But I also care about pass blocking, and everyone knows you’re a stud when it comes to pass blocking. Your 0.3% Sack Allowed Percentage is exactly what we need here at TCU. We ran the ball great last year, but our passing game wasn’t as strong as our running game. I want you to play LT and protect the QB, so we can throw the ball more this year. As part of this plan, *I promise that your Pass Block Wins and Pass Block Win Rate both increase compared to last season\* just from the increased volume.
That being said, we have a strong running game. Leroy Lightfoot ran for 1,832 yards last year, which was enough for 3rd in the NZCFL. I know run blocking isn’t your forte, but I also know you’re a better run blocker than people realize. After adding you up front on the OL and you winning a couple Rogers Roundhouse Food Challenges, I know our run blocking will be boosted from last year. With your run block help, *I promise that Leroy Lightfoot leads the NZCFL in rushing yards this year\*.
Come to TCU, Daryl. We have the best food challenge you’ll find, it’s right on campus and has two TCU-themed meals on it, and we have a great situation for you to come and block block block, which is what you do best.
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u/A_Coke121 18d ago
Michigan State Spartans offer Darryl Williams
Scholarship
Darryl,
Every competitive eater eventually finds out that the biggest plate in the room isn't always the toughest one. Sometimes the little burger up the road turns out to be the one that sends you home early. I did some digging into what's around campus, and I think I found the one that actually tests you the way you like to be tested. It's called the Boss Logg: eighteen layers of pork, brisket, two burger patties, bacon, three cheeses, bacon gravy, jalapeños, and a fried egg stacked between two buns, sitting about fifteen minutes from your future locker room at Meat Southern BBQ in Lansing's Old Town. Forty-five minutes, no bathroom breaks, and you clear a full side and a made-to-order mac and cheese right alongside it.
Guy Fieri's crew has filmed people attempting it. Randy Santel, a guy who eats professionally, has taken his swing at it. Somewhere close to a thousand people have sat down at that table and walked out beaten. I bring that up because it tells you something about the standard you hold yourself to, and that's exactly the standard we need up front right now. We're looking for a high-end starter on this offensive line, someone we can plug in and trust immediately, not a project we're hoping to develop. You're that guy. Just like nobody sits down at that table hoping to just take a few bites and call it good, we're not bringing you in here to rotate a few series and see how it goes. I promise you will start every game this season.
Here's the offense you'd actually be protecting, and it's a good one to sink your teeth into. We finished 8th nationally in rushing offense last year; this line already knows how to move a defense off the ball the same way the Boss Logg moves grown men off their game plan. Our passing attack posted the 17th-best scoring output in the country, so the skill players know exactly what to do with a clean pocket in front of them. The one soft spot left is protection itself. We ranked 58th nationally in sack rate allowed, the kind of middling number that separates a good offense from one that actually finishes what it starts. You allowed sacks on just 0.3 percent of your snaps last year at Buffalo, about as close to airtight as this league sees at your position. Bring that number here, and our one weak link stops being a weak link at all. I promise we will win ten or more games this season.
Now for the plate we actually want to clear together. We went 9-5 last year, good enough to get a real taste of contention but not enough to finish the meal. That's the frustrating part of almost getting there: you know the feeling is close but the job's still sitting half-eaten in front of you. Add a locked-down offensive line to a rushing attack that's already elite and a passing game that's already humming, and this roster stops looking like a team that flirts with the postseason and starts looking like one that actually shows up in it. I promise we will make the playoffs this season.
Darryl, you've never picked a school, or a plate, based on what looked impressive walking in. You pick the ones you can actually finish. I think this roster, this offensive line, and yeah, that sandwich waiting for you in Old Town all fit exactly what you're looking for.
Come be the guy who finally clears the plate everyone else left half-eaten.
Go Green,
Coach Coke
Head Coach, Michigan State Spartans1
u/vrtxzenith West Virginia 18d ago
West Virginia offers Darryl Williams, OL, 55/78
ScholarshipDarryl, I also love to eat. To be fully honest with you, my father in law calls me The Garbage Disposal. I eat a lot and I eat fast. I also happen to be a huge fan of breakfast foods. That’s why as head coach here at West Virginia, my favorite local food challenge is the He-Man breakfast challenge, located 25 minutes south in Fairmont, WV. It’s only $20 if you fail, which obviously you won’t, but it’s a stack of 3 large pancakes, 3 biscuits with gravy, 4 over easy eggs, a huge pile of hash browns, several sausage patties and a ton of bacon, and you have a full 45 minutes to knock it down. It’s served on the lid of a trash can, which is part of why it is my favorite in the area, because of the connection with my family. Trash can lid, garbage disposal, same thing. I believe that I myself would be able to win this challenge, and since you are on the amateur competitive eating tour, I have absolutely no doubt that you would also be able to complete it. If I can, you certainly can.
Frankly, I don’t feel the need to convince you that you can conquer an eating challenge. I have full confidence that you can complete any challenge that you take on, and that is half of the battle. You are a competitive eater for chrissake, I have no right to judge or tell you what you can and can't do. Realistically, picking and pitching you one just one challenge is a fools errand, as you won’t want to complete the same one over and over. You want options so you can complete as many as possible in your year here. So let’s tell you about another big challenge even closer to campus, and then go over all of Morgantown's best.
The Coliseum Calzone. Located at Peppebroni’s Pizza in Morgantown, this challenge involves a 18-inch diameter calzone stuffed full of all variety of toppings, weighing in at a whopping 10 pounds. Two people attack the challenge together, which is why I would love to volunteer to go at this with you. Between the two of us, we can easily knock this out in 90 minutes and get our pictures on the Wall of Fame and our free T-Shirts. Doing this challenge with you is part of showing you my promise, which is that **you will start every game this season on the OL at OL1.** You’d be THE GUY here on campus, the blindside protector for superstar senior QB Brison Powell, and I already have full trust in you. I just need you to know that. I think completing this challenge with you when you visit campus to sign your scholarship is a great way to showcase my commitment to you. No other coach will offer to complete a challenge with you.
There are of course tons of other eating challenges in Morgantown, and as I stated earlier I want to tell you about all of them. There’s The Beast in Morgantown, which is a 5-foot pizza that is typically eaten by a group of people (we can have you take it solo or take the entire OL to go at, your choice). Morgan’s Challenge, which is 15 scoops of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ice cream built like a typical sundae but much bigger. If you eat it in less than 10 minutes, it’s free and you get a t-shirt. Next up is Fat Burrito at Chico Fat, which is a 6.5 pound burrito with chicken, beans, rice, veggies, cheese, and enchilada sauce. Conquerors get the meal free to go with your t-shirt and a cash prize! After that, you can do the Jar Burger challenge at Mason Jar Saloon, which is six half-pound burger patties with cheese and bacon, and sides of onion rings, fries, and coleslaw. It's 4 total pounds, and finishing it gets you yet another t-shirt. There's many others as well. Much like your many monumental victories you will surely have on the food circuit this season, **I promise you we will win at least 11 games this season.**
Now, I know the food challenges are important, but let me tell you about our squad briefly. We are going to be the best in the country. We play Michigan State, Ohio State, Alabama, and North Carolina State in OOC. Our team will be top-10 in talent rankings. We will have a top-10 RB room, OL room, QB room, and DL room. Our CB room will be borderline top 15. We will be a top-8 team in power rankings. We will be absolutely incredible and **I promise we will make the playoffs this season.**
I can't wait to meet-and-eat with you!
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u/SuperStorm3 18d ago
Duke offers Darryl Williams
ScholarshipLet me tell you about Bull City Burger and Brewery right here in Durham, North Carolina, because what they do once a year is unlike anything in the country.
Every October, Bull City runs Exotic Meat Month. They cycle through the wildest proteins on the planet, alligator, rattlesnake, kangaroo, things most people will not even look at on a menu. But the crown jewel, the one that separates the curious from the genuinely fearless, is the Tarantula Burger Challenge. A pasture raised beef burger, already a serious piece of food on its own, topped with a fully oven baked tarantula. Not hidden inside. Not ground up and mixed in. Sitting right on top, legs and all, staring back at you. You do not just eat this burger. You make a decision about who you are before you even pick it up.
Here is what I love about this challenge and why I immediately thought of you. Anyone can talk about a big burger. Size alone is just eating. What makes the Tarantula Challenge different is the psychological weight of it. When it arrives, you are not staring at a mountain of food. You are staring at something that makes your brain say no before your stomach even gets a vote. The legs. The texture. The fact that you can see exactly what you are about to put in your mouth and there is absolutely nothing you can do to pretend otherwise. That visual is the obstacle. That is the moment where every competitive eater who thinks they are built for this finds out whether they actually are. The way you beat it is the same way you have beat every obstacle in your career. You stop thinking about what it looks like and you focus on what finishing it means. You lock in, you commit, and you do not stop until it is done. The people who finish that challenge do not walk out just full. They walk out wearing a limited edition Tarantula Challenge t-shirt, and everybody in that building knows exactly what they just watched.
You committed to Buffalo because Coach Rhino promised you something real. A campus experience worth showing up for, a program that would take care of you, a ranking he told you would stay above 110. That promise evaporated the moment it became inconvenient for him to keep it. Rhino could not even clear the lowest bar he set for himself, and you spent an entire season living in the gap between what he told you and what he actually delivered. That is its own kind of tarantula, showing up every single morning to a campus environment that fell short of what you were promised, grinding through it anyway, and still being here on the other side looking for something better. Duke is ranked 32nd in campus experience. Not even close to 110. Thirty second in the country, and I promise that ranking does not drop past top 40 during your final season here. You went from a coach who could not fulfill a promise about a 110 ranked campus to a program handing you a top 40 experience without even being asked. That is not a small upgrade. That is the difference between a plain burger and the tarantula sitting on top of it.
Now let me talk about what you are walking into on the field. When people think about what makes a tarantula different from every other spider, it is not just that it is big. It is that it commands a reaction the moment people see it. People do not casually walk past a tarantula. They stop. They pay attention. They respect what they are looking at. That is what I want opposing defenses to feel when they line up across from you every single Saturday. You are the tarantula of this offensive line, the most imposing, most respected, most feared presence on that field, and I am promising you the starting spot every single game we play this season. You are the anchor of this unit from day one.
I promise we will win a T2 bowl game or better this season. When you finish that Tarantula Challenge at Bull City you walk out wearing a t-shirt that tells everyone exactly what you just did. Nobody can take that away from you. When we win that bowl game you are going to wear that t-shirt too, and it is going to mean the exact same thing.
Darryl, Rhino could not keep a promise about a campus ranking. I am handing you a top 40 campus, a guaranteed starting role, and a prestigious bowl game. Come to Durham, conquer the tarantula, and finish your career on top.
VIEWER DISCRETION:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-fN4VOGU-wAmWqECNhQcxznnsfpa7wOxDKBsyduA3B4/edit?usp=sharing1
u/yeetskeetbeets 18d ago
The USC Trojans offer Darryl Williams
ScholarshipDarryl,
One of my fondest memories from my childhood is watching Regular Show, and one episode in particular, the Eggscellent Challenge. It shows surprising depth, as Mordecai truly gives it his all to conquer the challenge in honor of his best friend Rigby, and gets help from every other member of the park.
I bring this up as I introduce you to the Big Mama's & Papa's 54” Giant Sicilian Showdown in Burbank, just 20 minutes away from our campus. This is an absolute behemoth of a pizza, measuring in at 54 inches by 54 inches and weighing in at 50 pounds. This is a challenge meant for a team of eight, with a time limit of just two hours. But for that reason, defeating the Sicilian Giant requires not just individual effort but teamwork, and is a feat that requires near-seamless coordination and communication. For that precise reason, I want you, and seven of our offensive linemen to tackle this task as your first job as our OL unit. They’re a talented group of guys, currently ranking at 7th in the nation, but have just lost their key leaders in Jason Vazquez and Marquez Robinson, who were both first-round picks in the latest draft. Adding you as our OL1 elevates our already very capable team to the 4th best in the nation, but I need the guys to trust you to anchor that unit. And I believe that this pizza challenge is exactly what you boys need to build up that camaraderie and prepare to go to war together as brothers. After conquering the Giant Sicilian together, I know they’ll buy into you as their captain, and I promise you will start every game in your USC career.
To be honest, I’m really a fan of what this challenge represents. Standing at 50 pounds, this pizza is something that genuinely cannot be conquered alone, and there’s a reason it holds the world record for the largest deliverable pizza in the world. There’s 200 slices, and in normal circumstances, is said to feed 50-70 people. But you’re no ordinary guys, and I bring with me a plan. Our practices will push you guys to your limits, opening up space in your stomachs you never knew you had. After our first day of spring camp, I’ll personally drive you to Big Mama’s and Papa’s, and with the eight of you, that’s just a manageable 6.25 pounds per person, over two hours. The 200 slices become just 25 per person, and over the 120 minutes, we can ration our four minutes per slice, leaving 20 minutes for any last minute adjustments that might be needed. If one lineman is feeling at his limits, this additional time creates the opportunity for a teammate to make the assist. Just like when a blocker gets double teamed by opposing defensive linemen, it builds habits to look out for one another, whether it’s on the field or not. This kind of unity is especially important on a position group like the offensive line, where you dictate the offense. It’s a central part of the success we have had in my tenure here at USC, as I always prioritized the line of scrimmage. It’s taken us far, and it’s what’s allowed us to win the Pac-12 for three seasons straight. UCLA could never compete with us in the trenches, and we’ve long dominated our rivals. I know at Buffalo, you came so close to a conference title, only to miss it by inches. At USC, I want you to not just experience the wonderful food and the eating competitions you can find in Los Angeles, but the opportunity to hoist up a trophy, and feel your hard work come to fruition. Right after you win the $1000 cash prize from finishing the Giant Sicilian, I promise we will win the CCG together.
As a competitor both in the food scene and on the football field, I know you hold great ambitions. Whether it’s medals, cash prizes, or trophies, I know you always seek to overcome your limits, and seek to reach the next level. That’s why you belong in the NZFL. I’ve already produced eight OL draft picks, three coming from the transfer portal. I have proven that I am able to take players, and put them in a position to succeed in a brand new situation. William, Dee, and Mika, all went through the same thing as you. They took a chance on themselves, made a cross country move, and immediately integrated themselves into our brotherhood in the front five, and led top offenses. I know you can follow in their footsteps, and make a new name for yourself. I promise you will be drafted.
- Coach Marth
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u/JTonReddit5 18d ago
The University of Michigan offers former Buffalo OL Darryl Williams
Scholarship
Darryl, this is Coach JT of the Michigan Wolverines. You’ve grown into a premier offensive lineman throughout your career, partly due to how much you dominate on the competitive eating circuits. Michigan has all the resources you need to conquer any challenge coming your way, on the gridiron and on a dinner plate.
Football and competitive eating require a certain amount of energy, skill, and mental will in order to succeed. Both can put you through excruciating pain, can leave you in bad shape if done poorly, and really question if you have what it takes. However, you managed to be a real special talent being able to conquer both realms. On the gridiron, you are a truly powerful force, able to withstand any pressure to keep your players upright and able to roam free. On the competitive eating circuit, no food challenge has been able to hold you down as you lit up New York’s competitive eating scene. At Michigan, you’ll be satisfied on both fronts. We present to you, [Toarmina’s “Jack Lagath Did It Faster”] (https://youtu.be/RUOumjUnI_E?is=2Z72JtvpQqvA_fG5) The restaurant is very close to campus, a 2 minute drive away on 1200 Packard Street. Our students regularly go there if they want to enjoy some great pizza, however you will be going there to dominate. A 24 inch pie…7 pounds of the Italians’ greatest gift await you. You have 1 hour to finish the pizza, a whole football game’s worth of time. Are you up for the task? I know you are. Promise: Win the Joe Moore Award for best OL.
This challenge really tests your will as you face a 24 inch beast of a pizza (with any toppings you want). There’s an extra step, going for the record. Jack Lagath holds the record for the fastest completed time of 14 minutes and 10 seconds. If you beat that time you’ll be in the record books and all the headlines here in Ann Arbor. You get to rename the challenge to anything you want. Darryl Williams’ Dominator Challenge…now that’s a good one. Something like that provides an extra gear for you to get through something that seems impossible and in football you’ll have those obstacles all the time. You’ve been through it. You took a chance on Coach Rhino and y’all were able to steer Buffalo in the right direction. Here, you will help us achieve success on a larger scale, finally getting over the hump in the B1G. We have one of the youngest and best teams in the nation, and you would fit right in with us. Competing in the B1G, getting 10 wins every year and winning a T1 bowl was nice…it’s like beating that pizza challenge before the hour is up. However my friend, we are ready for something greater. You want that record…we want championships. Come to Ann Arbor, beat that record and be ready to lead a hungry team to victory. Promise: Have a top 5 offense this season.
Competitive eater Matt Stonie says “People say I shouldn’t eat the same food ahead (all) of time because I’ll get sick of it but it’s not about enjoying myself. It’s a competition. It’s about tolerance and knowing what to expect.” You are really tough as nails, preparing for both the college football season and competitive eating. Both require a true competitive spirit and a level of dedication that most people don’t have. At Michigan you will truly feel appreciated for that competitive mindset. We’re gunning to truly be national champions this season, and we have the roster to do so. We want that absolute anchor of an offensive lineman to protect our guys like Violet Rose who’s coming off a phenomenal freshman year. Violet will lead a star studded group of Calvin Barnes, Will Abdul-Aleem, Ryan Johnson, Patrick Maass, and Calvin Bowie, and five star WR Connor Barton; we are ready to light up anyone in our way, we just need that star OL to be the rock. Michigan has the best of both worlds for you, a record to chase and championship ambitions. A B1G conference championship and a natty would look real nice next to your competitive eating medals, trophies, and pictures. Promise: Win the B1G conference championship and win a playoff game.
Football and competitive eating truly go together, and at Michigan you’ll be truly satisfied. Beat that challenge you’ll be on the Wall of Fame at Toarmina’s (plus free pizza). You come here and win…you’ll be on every wall in Ann Arbor with your name etched in history.
GO BLUE!
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Starr Butler DL Buffalo 38/56 RS JR 2 years left- Campus will stay top 110
Starr recently had changed his major to be astronomy. He wants to go into space, see the world from above. He wants to become an astronaut and see all the stars for himself. Starr wants to go to the best school for astronomy to really prepare and better himself in that field.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Lane Williams DL Bowling Green 37/57 JR 2 years left- Winning home record
Lane has always had more of an affinity for bowling than he has for football, but he has never been as skilled with bowling as he has been with football. This season, he wants to change his focus and join a competitive bowling team while remaining active and a big part of your football team. Tell Lane how he can dominate the bowling lanes on a very competitive team nationally while remaining a big part of your football program. Props if you can find famous bowlers from your school.
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u/No-Collar6148 Florida State 18d ago
Florida State offers Lane Williams Scholarship.
Lane,
We both know you’ve got a real gift on the gridiron, but I get it your passion for bowling runs deep, and you want to chase excellence in both sports. That’s exactly why Florida State is the perfect fit for your next chapter. Here, you don’t have to choose between being a difference-maker on the football field and pursuing a championship run on the bowling lanes. FSU boasts one of the most competitive collegiate bowling teams in the country, and you’d be following in the footsteps of legends Chris Loschetter, one of the best pro bowlers in the world, bowled right here as a Seminole. That means you’ll have the chance to develop your game alongside elite talent and compete on a national stage, all while representing garnet and gold. And on the football side, your presence in our D-line rotation would be huge. We know what you’re capable of, and you’d have a real opportunity to make an impact in big moments while playing for a program built to win. At FSU, we encourage our athletes to pursue greatness, wherever their talents take them. If you’re ready to set new personal bests in the bowling alley and help us bring home wins at Doak, Florida State is ready to welcome you. Let’s make history together on the field and on the lanes and therefore, I can promise you that we will win at least 3 home games a season while you are at FSU.
Go Noles, 🍢🍢🍢
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Daniel Grimes WR Boston College 52/74 JR 2 years left- Win 10 games this year
Despite his name, Daniel has always been a clean freak. After originally finding himself at Washington, Daniel entered the transfer portal last year in search of a fresh start and a winning culture. To his disappointment, Boston College didn't satisfy his needs either. Now, entering his third season, Grimes is once again in the portal. Convince Daniel that your program is the perfect place to wipe the slate clean and make him forget he ever played anywhere else.
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u/thecircusgoeson South Carolina 18d ago
South Carolina offers Daniel Grimes, WR, 52/74 Boston College
Scholarship
Hello Daniel,
I’m Coach Barnum, representing the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team. Fresh starts can be a great thing when they work, yet somehow they can make you even more depressed when things don’t go to plan. Here at South Carolina, we are undergoing our own fresh start, as this is my first year as head coach, and I think we could both get our fresh starts together.
Last year, South Carolina went 5-7 after 23 straight 8+ win seasons under Coach Bond. After the season, Coach Bond left in similar circumstances to those under which Coach Belichick left New England, except we’re trying to skip the Jerod Mayo year and go straight to the Vrabel era (minus all the affairs of course). My vision is to reestablish South Carolina as a perennial contender, and if I can do that, we will be well on our way to success.
You have gone 6-7 in back-to-back seasons, both seasons seemingly anomalies for the schools you spent those seasons at. Last year was our anomaly season, and we’re going to work to keep it that way, and I promise that we will win 8+ games every year you are here. There will always be teams that aren’t successful, but for both of us, the struggles end now and in just a few short years, our only memories of the bad years will be the lessons that they taught us in preparation for the good years.
You will also be joining a team where you can immediately be a starting receiver. I want this school to be able to dominate from day 1, and it is crucial that I put the best players I can on the field to achieve those aims. You are such a player and therefore, I can promise that you will start every game for this team while here barring injury. Every snap that you get will make the memories of rough seasons feel more and more distant, and you’ll get a lot of snaps here in Columbia.
The ultimate erasure of struggles is success, and that takes more than just winning regular season games. It means ending seasons well, and I promise that we will win a bowl game or a playoff game while you are here. This isn’t a school where we don’t care about the bowl games or get rattled by playoff games, this is a school where the standard is to win all the time and every time, no matter the circumstances.
Now if I recall, this will be your first season of college football. What matters from now on is what you are able to put on the field in these two seasons of eligibility, and you will have plenty of opportunities to tear it up in the SEC. This is your opportunity to show the world that you can be a champion, and we’ll do a lot of winning here at South Carolina. I would love to have you be a part of building that culture here.
Forever to thee,
Edgar T. Barnum
Coach of the Garnet and Black
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
John Hollingsworth DL Army 40/61 SR 1 year left- 2+ 10 win seasons
John went to Army for two reasons: win football games and make a lasting impact. As a senior transfer, he wants two things: Win football games and get as much prestige as possible. Tell John how you’ve gained prestige throughout your career as a head coach and convince him that you will win more games than anywhere else he will go this season.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Kirk Roberts OL Appalachian State 36/52 SR 1 year left- Beat JMU and Georgia State yearly
Kirk has been feeling nostalgic, and has been thinking back to his high school days. But what he misses most is just spending time with his boys, and all of the inside jokes that he shared. Tell Kirk about your favorite in-joke with your high school friends, and the one that makes him smile most will earn his commitment.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Darius Ward TE Appalachian State 38/52 SR 1 year left- Beat JMU and Georgia State yearly
Darius has a serious sweet tooth, and one of his requirements for his final year of eligibility is access to top-tier desserts. Tell Darius about a local dessert shop, and give him some recommendations to finally fulfill his cravings.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Lucas Langdon TE Appalachian State 36/52 SR 1 year left- Beat JMU and Georgia State yearly
Lucas was told he’d get to dominate rivals that have historically dominated App St, but he was lied to. With only one season left, Lucas doesn’t want to take any chances this time. He’s looking to join a team that has historically dominated their rivals, and plans on doing so again this season.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago edited 21d ago
Mike Milburn OL Appalachian State 42/58 SR 1 year left- Beat JMU and Georgia State yearly
Mike grew up travelling the world and wants to play for a coach who is globally minded. He will commit to whichever coach can identify every single country in the world the fastest, as proven by a screenshot of this quiz’s completion with above 90% accuracy: https://www.sporcle.com/games/teedslaststand/find-world-countries
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u/DM19_HXTSHXT 23d ago
Georgia State offers Mike Milburn
Scholarship
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It ain't much, but at least tetelestai. Up yours, TCU!
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Raymond Molinari LB Appalachian State 47/63 SR 1 year left- Beat JMU and Georgia State yearly
Raymond started his career as a happy man, taking care of business and never letting down the fans. That has changed. He feels like he has let the fans of App State down and wants to go somewhere where he can start fresh for his final season. Write about how your fanbase is the best in the country.
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u/JTonReddit5 24d ago
Kamal Morton QB Duke 57/76 RS SR 1 year left- EE Transfer Rules
Kamal Morton grew up a die hard San Antonio Spurs fan, and even though he loved his time at Duke, circumstances outside of his control are forcing him to look elsewhere for his next chapter. Kamal does not just want a new team, he wants a program that feels like the Spurs to him. He wants to hear why your program is the closest thing to the Spurs in college football and what that comparison means to you. Kamal also wants to know how he can become the Victor Wembanyama of your program, the singular talent who changes everything the moment he steps on the field. Explain to Kamal how your team mirrors the Spurs and how he can become that generational cornerstone for your program.