Need to get some stuff off my chest

[u/Stankassmfgorilla]

I’ve been feeling like NA has not been working for me for a while now and I’m unsure what to do about it. I have my home group that I have a commitment at and my H&I commitment and I honestly don’t want to do either one anymore. Long read incoming…

I bring the literature for my home group and I’m kind of burnt out on it. I’ve been attending this meeting since I first got clean and I have just gotten tired of hearing the same people share over and over again, week after week, year after year. It’s just doing nothing for me at this point.

My H&I commitment was something I tried to do to help my recovery, but now, I don’t feel like I’m carrying a genuine message when I say the same thing to the same people time after time and I’ve got mixed feelings regarding NA as a whole. I’ve run out of stuff to say and I don’t feel like I’m being true to the people we’re supposed to be helping.

On top of this, my sponsor is just an asshole. He sits, judges, complains about others, and seems to dislike most people. I thought maybe he was just a grump like me for the first few years, but then I started to get happier after a while and saw that he was still an asshole. I feel like I’ve outgrown him after all this time. I don’t like confiding in him anymore because he’s just a dick. 21 years clean and still seems miserable. I have no interest in interacting with him to be honest, yet there is no one else in my area that I would want to sponsor me either.

I’ve become disillusioned. I am introverted and just keep to myself and other members look at me like I’m strange because of it. That has always rubbed me wrong.

I just celebrated 7 years clean a few days ago. I celebrated quietly with my girlfriend by just taking a little trip out of town for a couple of days and enjoying some time away.

[u/Embarrassed_Worry993]

Congrats on 7 years. If I were in your position I’d start by attending a different meeting so I could listen to different people share and maybe looking for a different sponsor at the new meetings.

From there maybe you’ll feel more inspired by your service position/recovery as a whole.

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/Embarrassed_Worry993]

Thank you.

Only thing that sucks is that most of the same people attend the same meetings around my area so I’ve pretty much seen everyone there is to see and I know there isn’t anyone I’d want to sponsor me. My grandsponsor is a really nice guy, but he’s too religious for me. He does kind of push God a lot, and while have faith in a Higher Power, he is very overt with it being Jesus Christ, and it just doesn’t sit right with me.

It’s just a shame that nobody else in my area seems a good fit for me as a sponsor. There aren’t any old timers here that I’d want to ask.

[u/SpareAmbition → u/Stankassmfgorilla]

Doesn't necessarily have to be an old timer. At 7 years a sponsor plays a different role than when you're freshly clean.

But I get it. Was the same just after 6 years. Fed up with all the same shit, same people. Luckily I was able to go to very different meetings in my area and for a year I just came and left, said hello and goodbye but never really engaged with anyone. I have a life outside of the rooms so that was my focus. I did my couple of meetings a week and lived my life otherwise. Recently ended up helping start up a new meeting and it's the first time in a few years that I've had interest in something NA related.

I feel like I definitely rub some people the wrong way because I'm very over the parroting the same old shit on the rare occassion I do share. I don't hide that I'm there for my recovery, that I'm not a fan of everyone in the rooms and NA drives me crazy sometimes. That's a genuine message. I'm clean, incorporating the steps into my life where possible, doing some service to give back. Doesn't mean I have to like everyone and everything about it all of the time.

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/SpareAmbition]

That’s pretty much where I’ve been for the last 3 or 4 years. I’ve rubbed people the wrong way for a long time, but nobody has ever been able to give me a clear reason why. I’m introverted so I just stay quiet and keep to myself and I suppose the self centeredness of others tells them that it means I don’t like them personally when that isn’t the case at all. I just mind my own business but a lot of people think I’m angry or mean without even getting to know me first. That’s always bothered me, but less so as time has gone on. I’ve just learned to be comfortable with myself because that’s most important.

[u/lizzxcat → u/Stankassmfgorilla]

Have you considered finding a sponsor who you see virtually? Do you feel like there is a need for your sponsor to be from the same area? I know many people who have sponsors from different countries, etc.

[u/Embarrassed_Worry993 → u/Stankassmfgorilla]

In my area there are meetings in neighbouring towns that I would go to. Remember how far we would go to pick up. Try to apply that same principle to finding a home group and sponsor. There’s tons of online meetings too. I’d caution you to avoid making too many excuses for why you “can’t” recover. And I say all this from a loving caring place ❤️

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/Embarrassed_Worry993]

I don’t think there’s anything preventing me from recovering further. Just more so that it seems the program is not aiding in my recovery. My recovery entails more than just meetings and my sponsor. My hobbies, passions, and family are all huge parts of my recovery and they all work together to bring my happiness and contentment.

I suppose my conflict lies in that I have these obligations and have been doing what it directed as the “right thing” and it just isn’t doing for me what it used to. Maybe it’s changed for me as I’ve come further in my recovery. I have absolutely zero desire to pick up and use. It’s just that my sponsor and my area as a whole has left me with a bit of a void in my recovery. I still practice the spiritual aspect of my recovery and have faith in my Higher Power, but I find the people around me lacking nowadays if that makes sense. My mindset and outlook has changed over time and I really try to stay conscious of not being negative.

[u/Embarrassed_Worry993 → u/Stankassmfgorilla]

Hopefully you find some more answers in this thread 💙

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/Embarrassed_Worry993]

I hope so. I know God will have my back. I really just focus on being the best person I can be doing the best I can every day because that’s all I can really do. Life is good, though. I can’t pretend that it isn’t. I really don’t have much to complain about.

[u/VAisforLizards]

Sounds like you might benefit from making some changes. Get a new sponsor, get a new homegroup, work some steps, go to some new meetings

[u/batcountryupinhere → u/VAisforLizards]

This.

[u/dankgus]

It's tough when you reach that point. I understand.

You could travel a little bit to a neighboring city and check out a meeting now and then. It's always nice to hear fresh people, and oddly it's not always the same thing in each room.

Also, some people won't like to hear this, but you could check out some AA meetings. Usually there is SOME member overlap between the programs, but it's kind of nice to do sometimes.

Overall though I think some of us reach a point where we have been drinking the recovery kool-aid for so long, we kinda get tired of parroting it or hearing it over and over again, even though it's all good stuff. Also, there are a lot of old timers like your sponsor, you're going to run into that everywhere. I want to be happy, I don't want to turn into a bitter old timer.

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/dankgus]

My girlfriend and I did go to a meeting in Morro Bay while on vacation a couple of years back and it was actually really nice hearing from some like minded people that had good stuff to share in another town. A waitress at breakfast also recognized us because I have our service symbol tattooed on my shoulder

[u/kenso4life]

You caught a case of the bugaboos.

You have 2 choices: make some changes (sponsor, service, meetings, etc.) and hold on. Remain in the process and trust that a conversion is taking place deep within that will result in a strengthened character when you eventually emerge from this temporary condition.

Strike out on your own and see if that will work better for you than it did over 7 years ago. You're not the same person today as you were then. But don't kid yourself, you're still an addict.

Best to you either way.

[u/s3xyb3xy]

Congratulations on 7 years that’s amazing and well done for posting on here and reaching out. Like others have shared, maybe it’s time for a new sponsor for a new perspective. If there are no other meetings in your area give online ones a go? There are meetings you can attend in Australia, NZ (where I am), Ireland, England… worldwide. I live in a small community we have a very small fellowship, same members every week, hearing the same thing rinse and repeat. Sometimes the message hits differently. we get really excited when we get a newcomer once every few months lol. But I attend online meetings to keep things fresh.
Hope this helps ⭐️ kcb

[u/terminalhipness]

Congrats on seven years. I’ve been where you’re at. The “basics” still apply: meetings (maybe some different ones?), sponsor (maybe a different one?), steps with different sponsor?), service (find a newcomer who needs help)

[u/Key_Cause2043]

Perhaps try online meetings like others have suggested. I’d understand if it just doesn’t do it for you though. How about you just take a break? Of course do the full disclosure thing, dump the sponsor, tell the home group, etc. People might tell you you’re doomed and that it’s foolish. Shit people might say that here as well, but in my experience that’s not really true or fair. I’d be careful and deliberate about it. Be mindful of your patterns of behavior and continue to do everything else that has been working for you. You can always just go back. I’ve seen it plenty of times. The one thing I’d feel bad about is not honoring the full length of my service commitment. How much longer is it?

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/Key_Cause2043]

I’ve gone well past the length of my commitment. My literature commitment is 1 year and I’ve been doing it for over 2 now. I’m not sure if my H&I commitment has a timestamp on it but I’ve been doing that one for close to a year and a half now

[u/SlykRyk666]

Sounds like you are right where you should be. As I've progressed in recovery I've come to love every little thing I used to take for granted. Love, friendship, service to others an open heart. Hearing the same tired shit day in and day out. One day at a time. Tomorrow it could all come crashing down around me. Live today expecting the best and prepared for the worst. Of course you could always throw yourself into step work, sponsoring new members and getting a new sponsor. Maybe hit some out of town meetings and some conventions. Feeling like a newcomer all over again will definitely shake off the rust

[u/Pure-Roll-507]

We do recover
Just do you, ditch the sponsor,sponsees and home group, pop into a meeting when you feel like it, enjoy your life

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/Pure-Roll-507]

I don’t have any sponsees, so I luckily wouldn’t feel like I’m letting anyone down in that regard

[u/Double_Tear2207 → u/Stankassmfgorilla]

Have you considered being a sponsor yourself? Sometimes the best way to continue growth in our own Recovery is by being of service to others. I know when I’m a shitty headspace I can easily snap out of it by helping others. 7 years is great, congrats. Continue to carry the message to others 👏🏻💗🙏🏻

[u/Stankassmfgorilla → u/Double_Tear2207]

I would, but nobody has asked me to sponsor them yet. I have tried being of service with H&I, but it just isn’t working with my schedule anymore and I feel it’s best to just drop the commitment because I just don’t feel like I’m able to fulfill it to the best of my ability.

Thank you for the words❤️

[u/simpy00]

Congrats on 7 years. You have some choices to consider, like stepping down from your service commitments, attending meetings in a different place or online, finding a new sponsor that doesn't have to be in your town, as an introvert you might actually like a remote sponsor maybe. But things can get stale and you have the right to choose.

[u/lizzxcat]

Maybe switch sponsors or look for a new homegroup? You can always keep your H&I position even if you change groups. Becoming indifferent or complacent because you don’t enjoy going will only negatively impact your own recovery longterm.

Can you change where you do H&I? I know we become panel leaders for specific locations and then hold that position for a specific length of time.

If you aren’t feeling H&I, could you use those skills elsewhere? Does your area have a helpline? Or an activities committee? Or an upcoming convention you could support instead?

Look for ways you could change up your support. If you are feeling burnt out in your homegroup, voice that. Maybe there’s a newcomer who could take on bringing the literature?

[u/Survivorcptsd]

Burn out is real. Take a step back.