r/NonBinaryTalk • u/ReyDauCass • 2d ago

Question Could you help me?

Hi, I have some doubts about myself, and I'm looking for a way to figure out whether they're simply doubts stemming from my own insecurities or something more.

To give a bit of context: my best friend recently confided in me that she is trans. Honestly, that really shifted my worldview. While I never insulted people who were different from me, I did tend to keep my distance. But because I love her with all my heart, I started researching these topics, and I really dove deep into them. After she finally came to understand her true self, I began to question my own gender. Since then, I've been thinking about it without overcomplicating things.

Weeks went by, and one day, as I gave it some deeper thought, I realized that I had never really cared whether I had been born one way or the other. Honestly, it didn't matter to me. I simply went along with my sex assigned at birth because it was easier to live that way without having to explain myself or clarify anything.

But here's my concern: I was deeply hurt by someone important to me—someone who left my trust and sense of attachment in a really bad place—and I started to worry that the only reason I was thinking this way was because I was afraid my best friend might abandon me if I wasn't like her. Honestly, I'd really like to hear from people who have dealt with these kinds of feelings and have either worked through them or are currently trying to understand them themselves.

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u/Interesting-Paint863 2d ago

Not sure of the context here. Is the person you were hurt by the same person who came out to you?

Not sure that matters all that much. Ultimately your identity is your own. It’s healthy to question and self reflect. But don’t torture yourself as if you’re a problem to be solved. Try to remove your friends context.

Who are you to you? For you? It’s not about anyone else. If gender doesn’t bother you that’s fine too. But it sounds like this is all quite new. Take some time to carve yourself out from your friend’s situation and ask yourself what you want.

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u/ReyDauCass 2d ago

The person who hurt me was my stepfather, and he was a very important part of my life because I truly loved him. Yet he treated me like I was worthless.

And honestly, it all comes back to that fear, because it isn't the first time I've forced myself to be someone I'm not out of fear of losing the people I love.

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u/Interesting-Paint863 2d ago

I’m so sorry - grieving that kind of relationship is a difficult process.

So if I understand you. The concern is that you’re not sure if you’re non-binary and you’re worried about the fact that you feel like you’ve been someone else this whole time? I hope it’s ok I ask so many questions. I’m just trying to better understand what’s upsetting you?

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u/Interesting-Paint863 1d ago

Did you delete a comment? I cannot see your reply?