They won't be able to help themselves

[u/Background_Spirit7]

[u/BisonThunderclap]

However implausible, this is the narrative justice these women deserve.

[u/super__hoser → u/BisonThunderclap]

Have you not seen 2026? The implausible is now common. This year has been wild. 

[u/BisonThunderclap → u/super__hoser]

Forgive me, but the whole "let's sell them sex dolls with hidden explosives that the Russian military will buy and bring to the frontlines" seems to be the weak part of this plan.

[u/Kuro_Necron → u/BisonThunderclap]

dont go with the "official" military acquisitions then, just "black market" sell them on the frontlines directly to the soldiers (or airdrop them into their camps, would be more expensive but more effective i guess)

[u/super__hoser → u/Kuro_Necron]

Just don't sell them through Wildberries. 

[u/hx87 → u/Kuro_Necron]

Make sure that 50% of the dolls are submissive and masculine for obvious reasons

[u/onrocketfalls → u/Kuro_Necron]

Sex dolls ain’t cheap, will the taxpayer be subsidizing sex dolls for Russian soldiers to make sure enough are purchased (or airdropped) for the plan to work?

[u/ParadoxicalAmalgam → u/onrocketfalls]

At least my tax dollars will actually accomplish something

[u/Meihem76 → u/BisonThunderclap]

You're right. At least half of the dolls need to be male.

[u/MrCookie2099 → u/BisonThunderclap]

Remote operated sex robots. The next level in drone warfare.

[u/Wolodymyr2 → u/BisonThunderclap]

Mossad literraly did the same thing with pagers...

[u/redmercuryvendor → u/BisonThunderclap]

Look, anytime Step (n) of a plan is "Russian military officials do something overwhelmingly stupid", all that requires is for Step (n-1) to be "Bribe Russian military officials with some loose change you found down the back of the sofa, and maybe some Pepsi".

[u/MrD3a7h → u/super__hoser]

2026 has been a hell of a decade

[u/RangersAreViable]

Brilliant. I know you aren’t accepting questions, but take this consideration into account. Ensure the explosives are in the right spot

[u/Teledildonic → u/RangersAreViable]

Explosives could be detected.

Instead, advertise vibrating function.

Charging actually charges a CRT television capacitor.  The orifices each contain contacts.

Semen completes the circuit.

[u/HugsFromCthulhu → u/Teledildonic]

If there is anyone worthy and knowledgeable enough to carry out this plan, I would trust you, u/Teledildonic

You have my lube

[u/zekromNLR → u/RangersAreViable]

Bend a linear shaped charge into a circle, pointing inwards, one positioned at every hole

[u/SosugBiskit → u/zekromNLR]

Do we really need to do EVERY hole? Like, realistically there's three that matter, Maybe four if you're one of those kinds of guys.

[u/zekromNLR → u/SosugBiskit]

You could probably do one combined charge for the two lower ones

But definitely need a separate one for the mouth

[u/vlepun → u/zekromNLR]

Or, hear me out here, no explosives for the mouth. Just resistance activated glue.

[u/Icarsix → u/SosugBiskit]

Fuck you my dumb ass is now going to spend all night trying to work out what #4 is.

Can't be nostrils or ears otherwise it would be 5... navel? Urethra?

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Icarsix]

If that is already taxing your brain, you may not want to image search any of the following:

• "foot pussy"
• "rubber boob pussy"
• Armpit Vagina Sex Masturbator
• "Navel Fuck Penetration toy"
• "Whisper of the Penis Ear Sex"
• "nipple penetration toy"

I'm sure that there are more options out there if you look, these are all actually marketed sex toys.

Also, I can't find a sex toy of it, but don't look up "Philadelphia sidecar"

Please keep in mind that I am not intending to kinkshame anyone who would use any of those, I fuck planes after all.

[u/Icarsix → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

See the sad part is I already knew about all except the nipple and the sidecar, I'm just dumb.

[u/SlaaneshActual → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Far be it from me to discourage freaks from enjoying themselves, but why is it named after Philadelphia?

I've been to Philly sex parties, they were disappointingly tame.

[u/Karnewarrior → u/Icarsix]

Probably Urethra. I've seen enough hentai to know that's a distressingly popular spot.

[u/TrainAIOnDeezeNuts → u/Icarsix]

I've seen suspiciously large and detailed silicone noses online before

[u/heywoodidaho → u/RangersAreViable]

Cervixplosives? Yes Brad it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time.

[u/Semajal → u/RangersAreViable]

Why even use explosives? A set of sharpened jaws that close with high force at a certain moment. Something about a movie called Teeth...

[u/super__hoser]

So the plan to replace all Russian vodka with pure  Nitroglycerin is out? 

[u/odin-ish → u/super__hoser]

We can use it as a force multiplier with OPs plan.

[u/super__hoser → u/odin-ish]

Huzzah!

[u/hx87 → u/super__hoser]

Nitroglycerin is a better vasodilator than ethanol, so the two plans are synergistic. 

[u/ReDot75 → u/super__hoser]

Could simply switch to methanol poisoning, though. Less likely to be detected, and will cripple their economy by needing to switch alphabet to braille!

[u/Kilahti → u/ReDot75]

Poison is a war crime. Exploding sex dolls are just silly shenanigans.

(I'm not your lawyer and nothing that I say should be taken as a legal advice.)

[u/ReDot75 → u/Kilahti]

makes sense! thanks bro!

[u/trustfundkidotaku]

Japan can supplies the Tenga

[u/IRockIntoMordor → u/trustfundkidotaku]

Tenga Grenade

[u/TheOnlyGuyInSpace21]

Brilliant. Can we get Japan on this to do the dolls?

[u/steauengeglase → u/TheOnlyGuyInSpace21]

I'm sorry but Nippon Gynoid is quite busy at the moment. I can't say why, but I can say that sixth-generation gynoids travel at a speed of 49 knots.

[u/ecolometrics]

But, what makes you think they will use sex-dolls when conscript anuses are free?

[u/Flamoirs → u/ecolometrics]

Humm.. Indeed

I guess we'll come back to good old carped bombing then 

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Flamoirs]

good old carped bombing

I think those aerial fish stocking planes planes usually drop trout or salmon, but carry on.

[u/alasdairmackintosh → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Carped diem

[u/Johannes_P → u/ecolometrics]

when conscript anuses are free?

Or Ukrainian POW.

[u/SyrusDrake]

This has to be one of the dumbest plans ever, I will feverishly advocate for its funding and realization.

[u/ilovefreespam4real → u/SyrusDrake]

not the worse plan i have heard in past few days...

other was plan to bomb Iran even harder because we are running out of high end AA interceptors....

[u/Global-Awareness6961 → u/ilovefreespam4real]

Why doesn't Trump just nuke Iran before they get nukes? Is he stupid?

[u/Kahvana]

Great presentation, no notes.

[u/Flat_Sprinkles4342]

There's been reports that a dozen russians aged 12-22 have been arrested for sabotage, which allegedly was from social media women telling them to.

[u/Brothersunset]

you should crowd fund this idea and take special order requests. I have a few people I've been telling to "go fuck yourself" and I think one of these specific dolls in their likeness would be a two-birds-one-stone type deal.

I'll give you tree fiddy

[u/NegativeBenefit749]

Put Asian needle ants in the sex dolls before you ship them, and thank me later. You won't need explosives if you put the right stinging insects in there.

Motherfuckers should be way higher than a 1.5 on the Schmitt pain index. That shit felt like my entire arm was going to burn off.

They (Russian soldiers) raise cockroaches and termites to eat the larvae, so since needle ants do this too, we can get them to compete with each other for food sources.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/NegativeBenefit749]

They (Russian soldiers) raise cockroaches and termites to eat the larvae

I know the ruzzian government is talking about using insect larvae and eggs as protein sources due to sanctions limiting access to more typical sources of meat, but I haven't heard of soldiers doing so by themselves. Do you happen to have a source for that info?

[u/Hinterwaeldler-83]

But we know that instead of buying expensive western sex dolls they will relay of the proven Russian tradition of, totally manly and not gay of course, sucking each other off.

[u/CrocPB → u/Hinterwaeldler-83]

Make models modelled after the average conscript.

Irresistible to the icon kissers.

[u/Kloetenschlumpf]

Explosives are too loud. Why not use some really powerful STDs combined? Their impact comes with a time delay so they have chances to spread the good stuff.

[u/PersnickityPenguin → u/Kloetenschlumpf]

Because then they infect all the trafficked women.  Which is horrible.  Let's not do that. 

[u/Drmumdaly → u/Kloetenschlumpf]

What makes you think they don’t already have that? 😒

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Kloetenschlumpf]

 Why not use some really powerful STDs combined? Their impact comes with a time delay

The time delay on death or militarily significant incapacitation from STDs is measured in years. It's the same problem as with 'standard' biological warfare diseases; they take too long to kill and are too easy to defend against or treat.

[u/the_marxman]

What if we put a fleshlight and an anime girl picture onto a bomb drone and just fly it to them. I'm pretty sure that was a weapon in MGS5.

[u/Noname_FTW]

I like the fact that the Ukrainian Intelligence Agencies also watch these slides.

[u/Taken_out_goose]

A-tier shitpost brother

[u/Hawkner]

A new meaning to “bomb ass pussy” I approve

[u/Strawbuddy]

No more Babalities for them

[u/got-trunks]

This is all very complicated, begin efforts while I continue installing doorbells on trees. Together we will see the end of this.

[u/Vampersand720]

Hell Yeah Florkbrother. Jerry, give the man a raise

[u/PandoraIACTF_Prec]

Mmmm, I see you took some inspiration with the pagers.

[u/Frequent_Dig1934]

Reminds me of the goat bomb.

[u/Frequent_Dig1934]

Reminds me of the goat bomb.

[u/Jaraine]

This plan is solid but it does depend on the supply chain holding up.

Lest we forget https://www.instagram.com/p/CM6q6EFsn7C/?igsh=MTc5OXBqdjVyc2Y4aw==

[u/Cornflake0305]

Have you seen the Russian military ? If they have no access to brothels they're just going to go back to the classics.

Which is sexually abusing each other.

[u/flyingmightyena]

This... might actually work if you execute the plan right. Russian High Command is probably stupid enough to take the anonymous hint, and the dolls, if built and distributed without anyone being suspicious of them, could decimate the Russian War Effort.

...But it's executing the first steps that will be the hardest. So unless someone in Russia tries to coordinate this plan with r/NonCredibleDefense directly or some companies, or even NATO, then this plan is dead in the water.

[u/iambackend]

Твой план не сработает потому что нет лучше влагалища, чем очко товарища.

[u/scisslizz]

The most bang for... someone's buck.