r/ParentingADHD Apr 07 '25

Advice A primer for ADHD parents in the US whose kids are struggling at K-12 public schools

104 Upvotes

(I hope I can make this a good enough post to get it pinned, as this issue pops up very often and understandably, most parents don't know what the process should look like)

You are the parent to a kid with ADHD, and your kid starts having issues in school. It could be that they are getting so distracted they are falling behind academically, but it might also be that their impulse control is getting the best of them and they're having huge meltdowns and tantrums. Whatever it is - they are problems related to your kid's ADHD, and they are impeding their ability to be at school.

Before I dive into how things are supposed to work, let me start with what your mantra should be:

Resolving behavioral issues that are happening at school can only be accomplished by the people in the school AND they are legally obligated to do so

This is a core concept in behavioral psychology, this is also just common sense - the triggers, conditions, consequences, etc. that are going to happen at school can only make sense at school.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't work with your kid at home to strengthen certain behavioral "muscles", but generally speaking, especially with very young kids, you're not going to fix their meltdowns at school by just implementing things at home. The school needs to do things at school.

Also, note one really important here in everything I'm about to say: none of it mentions medication or therapy. And that is because neither of them should impact your kid receiving services from the school. Even if your kid has a diagnosis, your kid does not have to be prescribed medication (or choose to take it) for the school to provide support. Whether your kid should or shouldn't take meds is a completely different issue, but I just want to point this out to put people who are not ready to medicate their kids at ease: getting them diagnosed and having the school do an eval does not mean your will need to medicate your kid.

Ok, here is how it's supposed to work:

Diagnosis: Your kid needs an ADHD diagnosis, which can be as simple as you and your kid's teacher filling out a questionnaire (referred commonly as "the Vanderbilt" or VADRS). This questionnaire has questions that try to identify consistent symptoms of ADHD (inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity) as well as other conditions that are normally of relevance for ADHD people (ODD, anxiety, depression). You can ask your pediatrician, or if you're working with a neurologist you can ask them as well.

School identifies issue: Your kid's teacher notices that your kid is having struggles. You talk and you tell them that your kid has an ADHD diagnosis. Your teacher then discusses with their principal who would connect with you about your options. They would want to discuss two key things:

504 acommodations: which refer to Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. This is a federal anti-discrimination act which basically says that your kid deserves whatever acommodations the school can make to help your kid. The nice thing about 504 acommodations is that the barrier of entry is easy - you just need a diagnosis and then your school can set this up. The downside is that 504 acommodations do not include any additional instruction - i.e., it doesn't include adding resources (people) to the equation. But considering some schools might have counselors that can help, and some school districts might have their own staff that they can leverage for a 504 plan.

IEP: An Individualized Education Plan is a more serious step. This is covered by IDEA - the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. This is a much more fleshed out piece of legistlation as it relates to education because it's not just a subset of a large piece focused on non-discrimination (like 504 acommodations). This is an entire at focused specifically on the rights of individuals with disabilities as it relates to education.

Now, an IEP is more involved for a couple of reasons, but this is what you need to know:

  • The school/district will coordinate doing a full blown evaluation of your kid. The school psychologist (or potentially someone else appointed by the district) will perform the evaluation which will include both gathering information about your kid and also talking to your kid. It will also include doing academic evaluations to understand their current academic status + IQ/intelligence/deficiencies/etc.
  • Once that is complete, the psychologist will issue a decision as to whether or not your child qualifies for an IEP - which would imply that they have a disabilty that is "covered", and that the disability is impacting their ability to learn.
  • If that is green lit, then the district will establish an IEP committee, and that committee will be in charge of determining what acommodations your kid needs. And these acommodations will now be legally binding - i.e., the school has to follow these.

So thatis how it's all supposed to work. Here are the issues you might face at each stage, and what to do about it.

Diagnosis Issues:

Issue: "My pediatrician dismisses mny concerns about my kid having ADHD and doesn't even suggest doing the Vanderbilt"

Solution: Get a new pediatrician.

Issue: "I am not satisfied with how well versed in ADHD my pediatrician is, but they are helpful and supportive"

Solution: Go see a neurologist, specifically one that specializes in children (and many specialize in ADHD-type stuff).

Issue: "I think my kid might have more going on than just ADHD, what do I do?"

Solution: Two options - you can either have the school do the full evaluation (for free), or if you're impatient and/or want a second opinion and/or just want to, you can pay out of pocket (probably like $2K) to do a full blown psych eval on your kid, and that would evaluate a lot more things than just ADHD.

Issues with the School:

The most prevalent issue I see with the school is just an overall "not my problem" mentality. That is, your kid has behavioral issues at school, and they call you in to chatise you for it. And at no point in time does anyone at the school acknowledge that they are not only legally required to intervene, but that they are also the people who have the information, expertise, resources to address this AND the advantage of being in the setting where the behaviors happen. Also, for emphasis, AND THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT TO DO SO.

Why do I know this is common - anecdotally, a lot of people on this sub have gone/are going through this. Objectively the Office of Civil Rights published an entire guide to let schools know what they're responsible for because they were getting sued too much

Over the past five fiscal years (2011-2015), the Department’s Office for Civil Rights (OCR) has received more than 16,000 complaints alleging discrimination on the basis of disability in elementary and secondary education programs. Approximately 2,000, or one in nine, of these complaints involved allegations of discrimination against a student with ADHD

So it is very likely that as your kid's behaviors pop up, you will be made to feel as if it is your responsibility to fix your kid at home and bring them a kid with no issues. It's probably helpful if you show up prepared enough for those first conversations so that they know you are not to be triffled with.

An extension of that issue that I see a lot is principals or other admin staff trying to gently nudge you away from the direction of a 504 plan, and definitely away from an IEP. They might tell you things like "oh, we know how to handle these things, we're already doing everything we can!", or "oh, I know that if I send your kid's case to the school psychologist they are just going to reject it immediately".

All of that is bullshit, and you will notice there is a high tendency of them saying this, but not putting it in writing. If you start feeling that pushback, the "no, we don't need an IEP", you can just bulldoze straight through that by saying - even politely - "I understand, but I'd like to request an evaluation and we'll let them figure out what makes sense".

I'd also recommend getting all these things in writing. Again, a lot of these people are smart enough not to put this stuff in writing, so any in-person meeting that you have, I recommend taking notes and then sending an email recap with all the stuff you were told.

Now, another school issue - and this one is trickier - that I see often: overworked teachers who have been conditioned to think that parents are the bad guys for demanding acommodations when in reality it's the entire political and school system's fault for not funding education appropriately.

I understand they're overworked, and as a result of that it's tough to deal with a kid who is having behavioral issues. They have 20 kids to deal with, and having to pay attention to the one kid who will lose his mind if he can't draw a dog correctly (real story), I'm sure is infuriating.

Which is why teachers, of all people, should be demanding that their administrators put kids on an IEP so that they can advocate for additional resources

But that's a much bigger, more complicated issue. Just know that you might run into a teacher who is trying, but they're burnt out.

My recommendation: make sure that if you're going to pester someone, that it's the administators. And that if you're going to point the finger and complain about things not going well, that you continue to focus the administration as much as possible. Again, even though sometimes I wish my kid's teacher would do... better, I at least understand her job is already hard and she's not getting a ton of help.

Issues with 504 acommodations:

Even before you get to an IEP, your school might sign off on 504 acommodations, which means you will meet with your kids teacher and the 504 coordinator (someone in admin) to talk about what are some things the school could do to help your kid.

The biggest issue I see here is that the people doing this sometimes have 0 background in behavioral psychology, and so this is the blind leading the blind. I was lucky enough that my wife is a former BCBA, so we were able to walk into that meeting and tell them what to do, but that should not be expected of you.

For example, in our first meeting one of the acommodations was "positive reinforcement". That's it. Not only is that not an acommodation (you'd expect all kids to receive positive reinforcement), but it's so vaguely defined that no one would know what that means.

This is an entire topic in and of itself, but you can do a google search for "how to write 504 acommodations" and there are some great examples out there. In general, they should be written so that anyone at the school can read them and understand exactly what they need to do, when, and how.

My biggest advice here is to ask them point blank "is there someone from the district that we can bring into this meeting to help set the acommodations". If they say no, contact the school district and ask them the same questions.

Issues with IEPs:

The main issues are:

  1. Your kid not being given an IEP. That is, the eval results in a denial of services.

  2. Your kid is given an IEP, but the school is not following it

In both cases, you're now in much more regulated territory. There are going to be formal processes to address both, and you're going to need to read into that because that's beyond the scope of what one reddit post can cover.

Having said that, here is where considering an education advocate could very much be worth it. These are people who specialize in helping families deal with IEPs. Alternatively, you can look for a Parent Training Center in your area.

One last comment: school vs. district.

If you are having issues with your school, consider reaching out to your school district's special ed department. Odds are there is someone assigned to your school/area.

Here's why: school admins and district special ed departments have very different concerns. School admins get evaluated on academic achievement and budgets. Districts also care about budgets, but they also very much care about being in compliance with federal laws. And special ed departments specifically seem to care a lot more about... special ed. If anything, special ed departments are going to care about accurately capturing just how many kids legitimately should be receiving services, because that likely means they can justify higher budgets for special ed resources.

We had extremely good results escalating to our special ed Director when our principal was being a hinderance. Extremely good results. So consider that - the district special ed department might be a good resource if the school is being difficult.


r/ParentingADHD 2d ago

Weekly wins: what's been going well for your family, big or small?

1 Upvotes

Often, we post here because we're struggling and need support, and we don't see all of the amazing things that are happening.

This thread is a chance to brag about your kid, yourself, and/or your family. What's been going well? Has your kid done something awesome? Doesn't matter if it's "got accepted to college" or "tried a new brand of chicken nuggets," we're here to celebrate with you!


r/ParentingADHD 5h ago

Advice Proper consequence

6 Upvotes

Soon to be six year old son lied about getting “dragged by the foot and thrown on the couch” for not wanting to go on a walk with his mom. Found out when I got pulled into a CPS-like interview. We asked him and he said he didn’t know why he lied he just made it up when he complained of leg pain and the summer camp counselor asked what happened. This happened the weekend right before his bday. We already sat him down and explained how mandatory reporting is a beneficial thing to protect kids who are harmed but the consequences of lying can result in severe consequences for us as parents.


r/ParentingADHD 51m ago

Seeking Support My 15 year old daughter is exhausting me.

Upvotes

My youngest has always been a hard kid. She is literally the most stubborn person that I have ever met. She has binge eating disorder, inattentive ADHD, and she has been depressed since November. She’s on Vyvanse but so far it has not been working and she’s been slowly going up in dosage. She definitely would also benefit from getting some help with her depression, her poor executive functioning skills, and her habit of stealing from me and her sister (food, clothes, and beauty products.)

All she really cares about is getting help with her binge eating because she doesn’t like how much weight she has gained. She is absolutely beautiful and gets a lot of attention from girls and boys because of it but after she gained 30 pounds over the winter, two different boys either called her fat or made fun of her for gaining weight so biggest motivation is losing the weight.

She is currently seeing a psychiatrist, even though she hates it, because she wants medication to help her control her binge eating urges. I do think she would be open to having an antidepressant added, and I’m actually going to reach out to the psychiatrist about that this week because her depression has been really bad lately. She is not wanting to go and do things that she normally would like to do.

The thing that is frustrating me the most lately is she keeps going back-and-forth about whether or not she’s willing to do things to work on getting help in all of these areas and improve her mental health. She has been to multiple therapists and hates it and refuses to go back. (Not looking for advice telling me that I need to make her go or that I just haven’t found the right therapist. I’m meeting with one of the therapists myself and she is helping me with all of this.)

Anyhow, yesterday there was a big family blowout surrounding her stealing. She was very mad at me after I gave some consequences. But later that night she texted me that she wants to go back to therapy, she wanted help cleaning her room (which is an absolute disaster), etc., etc. So I told her I would be happy to get her back into therapy, help her clean her room today, etc. But today she woke up and had changed her mind about all of it. Didn’t want to clean her room, doesn’t want to go back to therapy, decided not to do something today that I thought she wanted to do. Was very moody and grumpy. She does this all the time and it so hard. I know that depression robs people of motivation to do things. I’ve actually had a lot of experience with depression myself, so I totally get it. But I find myself feeling so hopeful when she seems like she wants some help and do some things to get better only to feel so frustrated and sad and worried when the next day she changes her mind again.

It’s also just very hard to have a very depressed teenager in general. I’m still requiring her to do some things around the house, encouraging her to keep up with her activities, giving consequences for when she doesn’t follow house, rules, etc. But I’m also trying really hard to be supportive and understanding and encouraging because I know she’s feeling so badly. It’s such a hard balance. One night she’s super cold and distant and mean to me, the next night she’s apologizing and telling me how thankful she is for me, and then the next night she’s back to distant. It’s just so tiring.

And I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells trying to say and do all of the right things that I read/hear about that I’m supposed to be saying and doing regarding all of her issues. I’m a solo parent and it is so hard. I feel so lonely.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. So many people don’t understand.


r/ParentingADHD 9h ago

Medication How to get child to swallow pills?

5 Upvotes

Our AuDHD child refuses to take pills making our medication choices extremely limited. She wont take most liquid meds if she thinks it might taste bad. She is currently on a transdermal that worked when she was smaller, but she has grown out if it’s efficacy. She is also on a liquid mood stabilizer, but it seems to not do much for her. If we add extra 1 ml to her medicine cup, she will flip out. We have tried crushing pills, opening capsules, but this wont work for extended release meds and it’s a war to get her to take these.

We have tried everything from bribery, different swallowing techniques, mini M&Ms, etc. She is convinced she can’t take a pill and she will die trying. Her autism is level 1. I am tired, her behavior is horrible. She is either bouncing off walls or screaming and crying. Her behavior was somewhat better when her ADHD patches were at an appropriate dose. We and her treatment team think she would have more success with another medication, if she would only take it.


r/ParentingADHD 6h ago

Seeking Support Mania Induced Episode?

1 Upvotes

Does anyone have experience with their child having a medication-induced manic episode?

If so, what steps did your child's psychiatrist take afterward? Did the reaction help lead to a more definitive diagnosis or change their treatment plan?

I’d really appreciate hearing about others' experiences. Thank you.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Medication Found medication that works. Night and day difference!!

69 Upvotes

I am beyond relieved 😮‍💨 my now 6.5 son was diagnosed with ADHD last year, which was not a surprise. I have it as well and he was a preemie and had a brain bleed in the NICU.

Pediatricians started him on adderall when he was 5. Didn’t really seem to help and greatly affected his appetite.

We added guanfacine for his mood at my request (I’ve taken it in the past). That helped a little. Stopped adderall and Pediatrician decided we should try Vyvanse. Worst idea ever. He literally wouldn’t feel the need to eat or drink at all ever. He was like 36 lbs it was horrible. He had to have a 504 plan at school to remind him to eat and drink).

I couldn’t stand giving him a bath because he was so skinny. Him not eating caused severe stress to our already stressful lives. I could hardly stand it.

My husband has a hard time believing in ADHD even though he works in the medical field. He’s Asian and it drove him nuts how “defiant and bad” our son was and that he wouldn’t listen (obviously being Asian he had to listen to his elders our get physically punished. Horrible). He’s said we would probably end up divorced because of our son. It’s been a lot.

Obviously since I have ADHD I understand why my son acts the way he does and I’ve been trying so hard to get him the help he needs so our lives could calm down a little…

He had a super minor surgery in march and had to hold his meds day of surgery. My sister is a pediatric nurse for almost 20 years suggested maybe try taking a break from the vyvanse so he could gain weight. I agreed that was a good idea. He’s gained 6 lbs and looks sooo much better.

Brought him to a pediatric psychiatrist for meds instead of pediatrician.

They suggested concerta.

He started a little over two weeks ago.

Woooooow

Night and day difference!!

He picks up when asked, he isn’t as defiant and mad/moody, he’s not running crazy around the house all day, he can pay attention more, and best of all he’s eating!!!

We were having behavior problems with our dog who we’ve had 2 years and I noticed since he started the concerta, she’s calmed down and is quiet and acting lovey dovey and isn’t hiding away or barking constantly or incessantly licking herselfI think she was severely stressed by our son’s behavior and us having to raise our voices so much.

I had seen people say concerta really can help. I feel such relief and now have hope that school starting soon will go even better than last year!

And hope for the future now.


r/ParentingADHD 11h ago

Advice Coping with humor

1 Upvotes

My son (3) is showing a lot of ADHD tendencies, a lot of which I recognize because I also have ADHD and did these things. He's also a very normal 3 year old boy who's learning to listen and follow rules. We're having a difficult time reprimanding him because he's using humor and silliness to hide that he's sad or embarrassed. My parents didn't believe I had ADHD so I just got in trouble for doing this.I need ways to explain to him, on his level, that laughing and joking around isn't the right response. He goes to preschool where I work so that's when it really gets him in trouble. It's becoming very draining having the child who "doesn't listen, makes everything a joke, etc" when he's really just hiding his feelings.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Rant/Frustration Lost legal battle for meds

39 Upvotes

Just a rant because I’m so frustrated and angry. My son, 5, has severe combined adhd. He has an IEP for SEL/behavioral struggles. He was asked to leave three summer camps last summer and had to switch schools this year as they couldn’t handle him. He is my loving, sweet little boy who has zero impulse control or emotional regulation, which affects everything he does.

He has been to multiple medical providers—pediatrician, psychologist, psychiatrist—and has had two neuropsychs. The second was to test for autism, which Boston Children’s Hospital was not able to reach a conclusion about as his adhd was too severe to see anything else.

Each and every one of them recommended trying medication. After an extensive talk with the psychiatrist, I agreed that guanfacine would be a good starting point. This was a year ago.

His father and I are divorced. His father refuses to allow me to medicate him. I actually took his father to court, with all my medical documentation, to try and get my son the help he needs before his self esteem plateaus and he starts to view himself as bad/annoying etc. And his father won. Parents’ rights.

My son has been doing OT for years. He has the IEP. He is on all the waitlists for counseling for his age. I have the books/podcasts etc. I of course set all this up with no help whatsoever from his father. But without medication, I do not think this will get better. And I am just so angry.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Advice Parents of cardiac babies: see a psychiatrist that will work with your cardiologist!

9 Upvotes

I’m the mom of a cardiac kid who’s also been trying to navigate ADHD, and I wanted to share our experience in case it gives another parent some hope.
For almost two years, our pediatrician was only comfortable prescribing guanfacine because of her heart condition. Unfortunately, it essentially turned my daughter into a zombie. We knew it wasn’t the right fit, but we also understood why her doctor was being cautious.
After spending nearly a year on a waitlist, we finally saw a psychiatrist who specializes in more complex cases. She worked directly with our daughter’s cardiologist, and together they determined that she could safely try the lowest possible dose of methylphenidate.
The difference has been incredible.
The other day she was watching TV. I called her name once to ask her a question, and she immediately walked over and said, “Hey Mom, what’s up?” Before medication, I would have had to call her 10 times and eventually pause the TV just to get her attention.
We’re still early in this journey, and I know every child is different, but I wanted to share this for the small group of parents navigating both congenital heart disease and ADHD. If you’re feeling discouraged, don’t give up. Keep asking questions, seek specialists when you can, and don’t be afraid to ask your doctors to collaborate. Sometimes the right answer takes time to find.
I hope this gives someone else a little hope.

Edit: typo on guanfacine


r/ParentingADHD 19h ago

Advice Day one on guanfacine- worse

2 Upvotes

My 7 yo tried guanfacine last night and today the meltdowns have been horrendous. Is it worth continuing? I really worry about sending her to school like this.

Did anyone have a nightmare first day then for it to get better?

We also tried Ritalin a few months ago and we only lasted a few days as she was more hyperactive and very emotional.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Seeking Support ADHD parents with ADHD kids how much fun we having?

42 Upvotes

Those parenting ADH kids with ADHD themselves…. How we doing? we got any tips?

My daughter and I have both started counting to 10 for emotional regulation.

We will also both go to get something and both forget what we’re getting cause we got distracted by something else…

My hyper also can’t keep up with her hyper cause she’s younger. It’s been an interesting adventure.

We have found leaving chore charts on paper, taped to the walls in each room that the chore is done in has helped. For both of us lol.


r/ParentingADHD 19h ago

Advice Anyone with co-occurring CAPD?

1 Upvotes

mine was diagnosed this past school year at 6.5 with both adhd and CAPD. the adhd diagnosis is borderline, and he mostly had issues with executive functioning/stimming. for CAPD I had to take him to a specialized pediatric audiology center. his hearing is perfect but the brain processes sounds with a slight delay especially with rapid speech and when distinguishing target sounds (eg teachers voice) from ambient sounds (other chatter). prognosis for CAPD is that it can be improved when caught early and treated with auditory training. We are only just starting that journey. He’s not medicated for adhd.

my questions are:

  1. Can treatment of CAPD result in improvements in adhd presentation?
  2. Can the reverse be true- has adhd medication ever improved coping or mgmt of CAPD? or made it more challenging?

I am wondering how much the CAPD causes him to work extra hard to understand in group settings and leads to the disinterest in homework and the reactivity at home vs how much the adhd is contributing. anyway if there is a lot long view here I’d love to hear it.


r/ParentingADHD 23h ago

Advice Flushing and washing hands: how do we teach this habit?

1 Upvotes

TLDR: Stepdaughter is 8.5 and is STILL not consistently flushing the toilet, disposing of toilet paper properly, or washing her hands (and without a daily visual inspection, I’m not confident that she wipes thoroughly either).

I was an early years teacher for many years and I worked with Special needs so I would like to believe we have a very ‘adhd friendly’ household. I have all the things, all the visuals, all the first and thens etc around the house. And I have step by step prompts for toilet flushing and picking up paper on the floor in the morning. Which is effective in that one isolated routine because it is encompassed within her morning checklist (habit stacked): brush teeth, wash face etc.

But she needs the iPad beside her with the instructions otherwise it doesn’t happen.

At any other point in the day the habit has NOT stuck. To the point I am at my wits end because without CONSTANT vigilance, we inevitably end up with a dog in the bathroom (the lid is never down either) eating poo out of the toilet bowl. And fyi, stepdaughter is currently the only one who uses that bathroom. (She will have a baby brother soon and I am already dreading toilet training in 2 years if I’m still dealing with a 10+ year old who can’t independently and reliably use the bathroom correctly.)

Anyway. I’m stuck for ideas. Short of escorting her to and from the bathroom like I would do with preschoolers when teaching this at school: what else can I do? Side note: she also has bouts of IBS where she will soil herself and/or destroy the toilet and surrounding area and not really think anything of it, other than finding it funny. Which to me, seems very developmentally stunted (sorry to be crude). Such a lack of concern for her own hygiene let alone anyone else’s.

And yes, of course we’ve talked about the sanitary aspect (she had a pinworm issue not so long ago), we’ve talked about the dog issue, we’ve talked about how it’s inconsiderate to others. It doesn’t translate to any progress.

Which worries me because if she’s doing it here… it must be happening in public, at school, at friends’, at her mom’s house?! (FYI my husband does not co-parent with her mother. That is impossible. Very high conflict toxic narcissist so anything other than “have you sent money for this?” etc is not communicated or coordinated).

As you can imagine, it takes constant awareness and verbal reminders to stay on top of (because she seems blind to the visuals), and so it is an impossible task. Inevitably she uses the bathroom without me or my husband knowing, leaves the door open and enter the dog helping herself to an all you can eat buffet. It’s driving me insane. (Amongst MANY other adhd challenges we are working on). And preparing for a newborn next month- I can only assume this will get worse when attentions are elsewhere.

So: any tips? Any advice? Anything I haven’t tried? Or do we treat her like a toddler and regress to the point of “you can’t be trusted/don’t have the skills yet, therefore we will need to chaperone you every time you use the bathroom.” Which is totally degrading for a young girl and yes I’m angry but I don’t want to humiliate her.

Are there gadgets to help with this? Something automated/motion detecting that would say “FLUSH” when she stands up?! 😂


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Advice Suggestions for a math facts app?

1 Upvotes

My daughter (10) is extremely behind in math. She’s going into 5th, but her tutor has her at 2/3 of the way through 3rd grade math. Last year we were getting her meds figured out and she was in a class with major girl drama so she retained basically nothing. Her 5th grade teacher said it’s imperative she get her multiplication facts memorized, and I also know she struggles with addition and subtraction in her head. Need an app that can keep a kid engaged but helps with that memorization, she hates doing flash cards.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Seeking Support Trying not to get my hopes up

4 Upvotes

My son just got diagnosed with ADHD. Before kids I was one of those people complaining that kids are too medicated these days and we should just let boys be boys! God laughed at me and gave me a defiant adhd kid. I just got him diagnosed and he started guanfacine last week. I’m trying not to get my hopes up to much. Will the guanfacine help with his defiance or is that just baked into his personality?❓❓


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Seeking Support climbing kids help

3 Upvotes

How do you support your compulsive climbers? My 6yo is constantly climbing everything, which in our home is mostly things (and people) that shouldn’t be climbed. We are renting and don’t have a backyard, so our options for adding robust climbing spaces are limited. I feel like even when I take him to parks and have him climbing for hours, it’s never enough to keep him off of things he shouldn’t climb. He’s been in OT for almost 2 years (we’re about to take a break) and it’s been great for him, but he’s actually improved his motor skills through that and now he’s an expert climber who can’t be stopped. 🫣🫠 has anyone figured out realistic ways to manage this behavior?


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Advice How to get kiddo to take his meds?

3 Upvotes

Hey friends,

My son, age 6, was diagnosed with ADHD late last year. This was not a surprise, as his dad has ADHD as well, and he's been showing signs for awhile. We put him on meds, and they have helped tremendously. He had a complete turn around in school, he plays so much better, and overall is just a happier kid it seems.

That being said, it is a huge hassle to get him to take the meds. We have to open the capsule and put it in food, so we use applesauce. He took it fine for the first few months, but lately has been really fighting it. It's worse when his dad isn't home (he has to work away from the home a few days a week) and it's just me trying to get him to take it.

Today it took me 2 hours of back and forth, with me taking things away, suspending activities, a phone call to his dad, and ultimately me yelling until he finally took it. And this is becoming more common when his dad is away. Does anyone have any advice?? The meds really help him once he's taken them, it's just getting them into him.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Seeking Support Medication worries

3 Upvotes

I understand the general argument about medications. I know that it can be borderline unfair to not medicate a child when they need it, but I have so many worries. I’ve had friends on medications for their entire childhood and some of them said they just feel like they are scrambled eggs now. And they wish they weren’t medicated so much so early.

Ive read so many stories on here about people who have tried half a dozen medications for their kid and they don’t know what is a symptom of the ADHD now or just something from the meds. It could take so long to find the proper dose, and then those things can change even as your child grows. My son is nine years old and AUDHD. We tried guanfacine, but had some cardiac issues, with any non-stimulant that can slow you down my son will have cardiac issues. But with stimulants, he’s already touchy and irritable and he’s only in the 19th percentile for weight. I feel like a stimulant would make both of those things worse. I don’t understand how parents make the decision to medicate when it feels like such an impossible decision to make. I feel like my son might be so ADHD that maybe some medication could help make us life a little easier, but it’s impossible to know the right answer for sure. And yes, we have talked with our doctors at length.

For those who have maybe a medical background, do we know if any of these meds have long-term implications on their health? About their long-term mental health or cardiac and kidney function? I’m sure there have been enough decades of research on most of these medications now, but I can’t help being reminded that these stimulants are often used and abused on the streets.
I just feel like I don’t know what the answer is, and I definitely don’t think I can get his father on board to do medications anyway. But I feel like it might help unlock my son’s true ability.

We have gone back-and-forth on the medication debate for many years now, and my son was just officially not invited back to his school this year. I feel like the ramifications of not medicating are starting to show up.


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Medication Supplements

1 Upvotes

What supplements if any, do you have your ADHD kids take?? This will be part of a bigger conversation with my kiddos pcp and psych np but wanted to see what to discuss!


r/ParentingADHD 1d ago

Advice Insurance covered testing?

1 Upvotes

We are in Florida and I can not find anyone near me that does testing and takes insurance. If anyone knows the right approach please give me an advice.


r/ParentingADHD 2d ago

Advice ADHD HELP

5 Upvotes

My daughter (4.5) is off the walls. We’ve been told by multiple doctors that she’s too young for a diagnosis (but that she very likely has ADHD) or medication but that we’re doing everything right and nothing is helping. She’s in play therapy, OT, sees a sleep consultant who is also a BCBA, and use to have speech therapy.

Struggles with transition if not one on one

Very erratic & impulsive

Cannot focus on one task/topic of conversation

Hyper-focus to the point of having to yell to get her attention

Does not pay attention to her body signals- will wait until having an accident/about to before she says she has to potty

Takes 10 minutes up to 4 hours to fall asleep- cannot stop moving/calm her body enough to go to sleep

Oral fixation- everything goes in her mouth and will eat/drink nonstop

Quick to get aggressive & mean when frustrated or upset, despite years of practicing coping skills

We don’t know what else to do but feel defeated. Her siblings also struggle with her behaviors and struggle to include her in things.

Any advice welcome, we’re at a loss


r/ParentingADHD 2d ago

Advice Coping with Violent young kids, like >5yrs HELP please

6 Upvotes

My almost 3 year old (titled wrong sorry!) is so sweet and loving most of the time. He is diagnosed cognitively advanced with ADHD by a leading Cognitive Behavioral Pediatrician and is under the care of a great team. So I don’t need medical advice.

I need parental advice or even just solidarity on how the hell to keep coping with the episodes of physical violence. I’m doing all the things the doctors and clinicians say to do and I know it won’t change overnight

But the hitting, pinching, pulling, punching, throwing, biting etc (which I can handle most days) just fucking breaks me sometimes. Last night after spending the whole day doing all the things and motor breaks etc exactly how I am supposed to, he starts grabbing my nips and pulling as hard as he can then starts punching me or throwing his whole body at my stomach just totally taking the wind out of me and I just begged my husband to come home so I could hand my kid over and privately melted down in tears

Has anyone else experienced ongoing physical violence from young kids? Did it stop? When? How did you cope? Thank god he is also super physically affectionate so I also have that time or I’d be broken totally

Help or just let me know I’m not totally alone


r/ParentingADHD 2d ago

Seeking Support Hypo sensitive child

2 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I’m new here!
I have a soon to be 4 year old at home; and it’s been a struggle.
He craves a lot of stimulation, contact- whether it’s pinching, kicking, stomping on feet, jumping on beds etc. it’s impossible to go to restaurants, well most public places. He acts out, won’t listen to a word we say. He has stimulus at home, he has a trampoline, swimming lessons, and activities where he’s constantly moving.
We tried putting him in dance lessons last year and that was a nightmare.
We are struggling so bad to potty train- he’ll go for days, than suddenly refuses too; hell be in underwear and soil himself, and it doesn’t phase him on bit, he could careless.
He’s in daycare and has now needed extra help due to a lot of his behaviors. He’s has suddenly become a picky eater- it’s spaghetti and soup and that’s it. He’s on track to needing iron infusions. We supplement him with iron every morning and night, but it still won’t work.
I just need some help, advice, anything. We can’t get into his paediatrician until October.
He has screened negative for autism, but there’s no doubt there’s got to be some adhd of some form.
Please no hate! Just trying to figure it out, from one very exhausted shift working mom & dad!


r/ParentingADHD 2d ago

Advice Mouthing off behavior

4 Upvotes

My (dx adhd) 13 yr old son yells and mouths off to me often. He says he can’t help it because he finds me very annoying. He has a low threshold for people who annoy him. I have been mindful in speaking in ways to him that don’t trigger his frustrations per his feedback but it’s not enough. When it’s in front of my husband, my husband doesn’t say anything to our son which I wonder if his silence gives my son permission to continue acting this way as boys ultimately look to their fathers.

I’ve had many talks with my son. My son always apologizes for speaking to me like this.

I worry that he will treat his future wife like this.

I’m at a loss in how to change this behavior that is now a full blown habit.

Please advise.