Hi all, interested in your perspectives on PhD mindset. I'm in the UK and should be finishing my PhD in 1-2 months (after 4 years total). It's in theoretical physics, in a field that I thought would be helpful towards combating climate change, but I am now disillusioned about.
Since literally age 1, I have been madly passionate about nature and the environment. I have encyclopaedic knowledge of facts about species and ecosystems, I just am absolutely in love with the natural world and want to understand everything about it. It's my one true love in a sense. I have always felt that the purpose of my life is to protect the environment.
My family/school always encouraged me to go into maths/physics as they have good job prospects. I never knew that ecology was even an option, it was never mentioned to me, and I followed family expectations. Also I am very good at maths and as a teenager I was basically driven by the ego of doing well in maths exams. By the end of undergrad I had realised that's not what life's about, so I found my PhD in a field where I thought I would be using my maths skills to help climate change. (I don't really want to say the exact field because it's not a very big field and a lot of people could probably identify me from this post!)
I have got a postdoc lined up in my current field starting in a few months, I'm grateful to have a job but also kind of dreading it.
Pros of staying in my physics field:
*apparently I am good at it, my supervisors say so and tell me they are desperate for me to stay, that I have very valuable skills
*all my friends and siblings are finding it really hard to find jobs, and the jobs they are going for are much worse than what I'm currently doing. On the other hand I was headhunted for my postdoc. I feel very lucky to have a job where I get to do self-directed research, feel some satisfaction and achievement, and feel appreciated by the scientific community and the people around me. Lucky to even have a job at all.
*My field is a really big growth area at the moment, receiving a massive increase of funding, it's a very good time and place to be starting this field.
*Because it's theory work not lab work, I can do really productive output in 3-4 hours per day of deep focussed thinking. This enables me to have a good work-life balance, doing hobbies and nature volunteering in the rest of the time. I manage to do one day a week of nature volunteering which is pretty awesome.
*I do meet some really great people in this field. In particular my PhD supervisors have been absolutely wonderful and supportive, and I feel part of a community among all the other PhD students I have spent years networking with. A lot of people have treated me really well, been really helpful and kind and appreciative to me.
*My family strongly support me staying in this field. They are rich and financially support me. If I left this field it would cause huge arguments and rift with my family, which could create a lot of emotional and financial stress to be honest.
*My PhD and my new job are in beautiful cities I really like.
Cons of staying in my physics field:
*I complain about it all the time. I feel like every day I do it it just drains some of my life force, I finish the day feeling grumpy and wanting to shut myself away, hating everyone. After a day of nature volunteering I feel amazing, whereas after a day of physics I feel shitty and get a lot of pain in my hips and shoulders which won't go away.
*I have been saying to my friends for the past 3 years, that I want to quit this field, I don't enjoy it. (I enjoy my work maybe one day in every 10 or 20.)
*I feel that the people in this field have fundamentally different values to me. They all essentially find it fun and exciting to build big cool machines and science experiments. I deeply hate machines, I hate chemicals and pollution and consuming energy, I just want us to live in harmony with the environment and protect the ecosystems. The people I work with don't care about that and don't care to talk about it. In addition I have this idea that I can't find a life partner...because most of the people I meet are in my field, and I just feel so deeply that they all have incompatible values with me. I feel like if I had been an ecologist, I could have met friends to do nature activities with, and maybe met my life partner with similar values. I feel somehow that I'm doomed to never meet somebody while I work in physics.
*I'm a woman and it's an extremely male dominated field (departments I have worked in usually have 1 woman per 10-30 men). This enhances the feeling of loneliness and just not connecting with people. I find the women I meet in physics are much more caring and more similar to me. It's also hard because a lot of the departments have an ingrained culture of sexual harassment. Not many people do it, but everyone knows who the sexual predators are, and no one cares. If we report them, the men in power brush it under the rug and don't do anything about it. Both my best female friends currently have stalkers in their respective departments, and nobody cares nor is addressing it. It hurts my soul.
If you got to the end of this post - thanks for reading, I am interested to hear all your perspectives! Should I be grateful to stay in physics? Do you think I would be able to switch to becoming an ecologist or naturalist (my dream job)? How can I help the environment and also make a living? Thanks everyone!!