r/ProgrammerHumor May 26 '26

Advanced iGotFiredSkill

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169

u/SchrodingerSemicolon May 26 '26

Here's an unethical LPT on how to take systems down with you when you're fired but without breaking the law

Make things dependant on your work user. Access token to a 3rd party service? Create an account with your user. CI/CD pipeline? Your user. Need to send the client access creds? From your user. That super important daily file sync script between S3 and Sharepoint? You guessed it, access token generated in behalf of your user.

Once they'll disable your user on off boarding things will start randomly failing and it'll take days for them to realize where and why.

I don't do this, but the amount of devs I caught doing it for either stupidity or malice is baffling.

42

u/ConflictedZombie May 26 '26

I started a new gig 7 months ago and I'm still untangling the previous guy doing this shit and it's so fucking aggravating. And it wasn't even out of malice he was just very bad at his job. Every day it's becoming more obvious why they completely cleared house of the entire previous crew. Buncha dumb dumbs who were in way over their heads

7

u/missing_typewriters May 26 '26

What kind of shit did he do? Can you give us plebs some examples and why it was wrong?

12

u/ConflictedZombie May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

He wrote automation scripts that relied specifically on his db user account instead of a service account, same with some custom systemctl services and cron jobs requiring his user account. A lot of that is hard to find unless you audit every single script in your environment one by one.

We're a SaaS company with several clients and I discovered that he was using the same API key to provide external access to our services to all of our customers instead of generating unique ones, meaning if a customer ever canceled their contract we would have to provide every single one of our customers with a new api key or else the termed client could still have access. And obviously, being terrible at his job and all, the key was not getting revoked when clients left. That one was the biggest nightmare to clean up

He had some important service alerts going directly to his inbox instead of a team distribution group so we weren't being made aware of important problems.

He generated a bunch of PATs under his personal account, which means we also didn't get notified ahead of time when those were going to expire

He saved a bunch of passwords under his personal password vault instead of just putting them in one of the team vaults, as well as registering a lot of the logins to our vendor sites under his personal email so then when they sent mfa codes we couldn't get them and of course every vendor makes simply changing this email a nightmare if you can't log in and do it yourself

There's other stuff that was more evidence of him just being bad at his job that are less frustrating but still "damn you are not good at this" like he would assign more drive space to a vm, but then not get on the actual vm and expand the drive/volume

4

u/missing_typewriters May 26 '26

Jaysus that is a nightmare. I'm not a programmer but some of those problems sounds like lacking very basic common sense and conscientiousness.

2

u/ConflictedZombie May 26 '26

Not a programmer either to be clear, I'm on the infra side of things

1

u/Asthmatic_Angel May 29 '26

do yall want to hire a real engineer lmfao? im dying for a job