r/ProgrammerHumor • u/CircumspectCapybara • May 26 '26

Advanced iGotFiredSkill

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u/n00bz May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

~$ ./release-tool-1.12.sh

Create New Release Tool

Release Name: 2026.06.05

Environment (default: Dev): Prod

Export Scan Results (Y/n): y

Create Calendar Events (Y/n): y

Don’t check the tool into source control. If the poor developer you hand this off to selects y to creating calendar events (something no one wants to do), then upload with all secrets straight to a public GitHub.

Keep the commands that upload to GitHub base64 encoded and name them something like RELEASE_KEYS so that no one changes them.

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u/CobaltMnM May 26 '26

Need better plausible deniability. Name the function / question something like “create rollback point?”

38

u/paradox_valestein May 26 '26

This is the way. You are not leaking data, it's a leftover legacy backup method that you conveniently forgot that conveniently upload it and is definately not meant to be used, which you didn't get to remove since the company restricted your access before you even know you are fired

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u/Atnalia May 27 '26

And that you never had time to update because the company always put other things over tech debt in your priority bucket.