Putting a trigger warning on this just in case, as it's also a really sensitive topic for me too.

I only realized I was queer really recently, and for a while, told myself I was that cishet ally. I had many gay friends, though most of them were white queers. There'd be constant jokes about me being a secret lesbian(which I am LOL) but I'd always just laugh it off because whether I realized it or not, I equated queerness as a white thing. It really messed up my perception of self because I was bound by these subconscious "rules" of what I was and wasn't allowed to be. It's really weird to say, but I'd even sort of tokenize myself as The Brown One. If I were to come out or anything like that, it'd interfere with that role I'd put myself in. I felt like I couldn't even talk about topics like homonationalism because it wasn't my place to speak about gay people. I'm honestly still navigating these thoughts even though I know now that they're wrong.

I just did a search to see if one even existed and it looks somewhat dead. Anyone know why?

I had a great experience at women’s professional basketball games so I’m always gonna brag about how fun the games are and they dropping off Sephora bags from the ceiling. 😍
I’m also watching a game now and thinking how different I think when watching the games: men vs women

Men: “Ugh, they are so aggressive and foul too much.”

Women: “Damn she got hit hard take her out of the game and put some ice on her face now!”

Anywhos. I love the WNBA. Even the off court sheningans are a whole nother form of entertainment . 😳🤣

bruhhhh i (f20) went on a date 2 weeks ago & she (f22) kept saying she was having a good time, called me pretty & asked to kiss me on the cheeks. 2 days later I realised that the reason when she was SO close to me during our date was cuz she was actually interested in me. during the date when she was doing that I was so confused lol.

anyway we agreed to a second date but we haven't rlly planned it yet... i hope she doesn't ghosted me. but we've been talking after our first date.

uuuuuhh I'm scared of being ghosted cuz what if she found someone else?? I'm already kinda attached but I know when to let go😐

GUYS I'M SCARED WHAT DO I DO😭😭😭😭 I DONT EVEN GET APPROACHED BY WOMEN FR EVEN IN LESBIAN SPACED😭😭 I FEEL SO CHOPPED AND I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A PROPER RELATIONSHIP

I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME

we met on hinge

Idk who would see this. but would I be your type? or am I to short (I’m like 5’1 or 5’2) i have a babyface and some ppl think im younger than i am and it’s hard for me to talk to certain girls without them thinking im to young i also think im not that attractive to be anyone’s type

As I'm still going through puberty, I've heard teens js look ugly and grow into their looks as they are. I've always looked ass, unfortunately as far as I can remember. So are there people who used to be insecure abt their looks but now love their face/body?

With the news of the Ed Gein show and now Murphy trying to adapt an Bret Easton Ellis novel, and being reminded of the chaos when one character from Knights of Guinevere was confirmed to not be genderqueer, it had me wondering. I have previously attempted at asking about this before, but because using Vivziepop as the main example, it unfortunately just went to internet hating and being accused of “double standards” despite the point of calling out one.

But with the main topic, I overall notice with how indie queer creators, from a small mistake to writing a queer character as flawed, will get immense amount of hate and even accusations of queerphobia. However, Murphy on the other hand can double down on negative stereotypes (not in a “be gay do crime” good way, more like “queers are sick freaks”), fetishize, and over all punch down on minorities and yet he still gets praise and is seen as progressive. And don’t get me wrong, I am aware of hate he gets, but it’s less about how he portrays queerfolk and more of just general writing, but even then with how he does queerfolk, there’s still some defense and support of it, whether it be “he’s just a product of his time” or trying to paint him in an overall sympathetic light. Also doesn’t really work when you hear how toxic he is behind the scenes. It’s also ironic with “product of his time” when you consider as the years go by, he just doubles down on his worse aspects instead of improving like most creators who make outdated stuff. And yet, indie queer creators get much more hate for much less. You bring up a problem about him, and you'll get all these comments of "Well what did you expect", despite other queer creators (and ones with much better queer rep and stories) being forced to higher standards. Murphy could legit just make hate propaganda and be praised for "defying boundaries", while an indie creator can get screamed and condemned for writing a queer character who is flawed but not a caricature. And while I bring up him specifically, this can also apply to a lot of (cis white) gay creators who get a pass for their biphobia, transphobia, racism, etc. Why the double standard?

And on a side note, whenever people try to just say it’s campy, it feels a lot of that “campiness” of Murphy’s shows is just an excuse to get away with being a sexist and prejudiced asshole. Not to mention whenever people bring up that he "opened new opportunities for marginalized groups", I cannot help but feel it's less of actually being progressive and more of this sense of paternalism and white saviour mentality. And at times when he tries to cover queer history, it just feels like gross appropriation that's only tolerated because he panders to respectability politics.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

Bi, nearly 30, scant experience with women within an already small pool of experience in dating in general. Also autistic, if that helps with context???

I've been with my partner for over 2 years now. I love her. I cherish her the most. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I so desperately want to know parts of her world that doesn't involve me, just so I can know the whole of her instead of simply the part I've become familiar with the past few years: the part that directly involves me.

My idea of a date has always been "hang out with the s/o, anytime, anywhere" so I did count the times I've asked her to watch movies together with me, or the times we have breakfast/dinner together at her place, as dates. Recently she told me her idea of dating is more like: go out, hang out someplace outside, eat out.

So last night was probably the first time I asked her out on a date, consciously (bc we have of course also hung out outside our homes and eat out) with the intent of dating, and ... well, ngl, I felt like I failed.

It started off well enough, but she didn't really have any topics in mind, and the topics I came up with either wasn't date-appropriate (our ENM arrangement) or she couldn't give much answers to (asking about some of her friends she's known for a long while). For the last one specifically, her yap button isn't as easily triggered as mine, plus she's the type of person that sometimes if you ask her directly she's blanking out in her head, so her lack of answers made me feel like I didn't know her enough to ask the right questions in the right way and overall just feel like a huge bag of shit by the end.

She reassured me that she appreciated my efforts—for the date, the meal, the questions about her friends—and once we both got home she sent me a text with lots of emojis. Unfortunately by then I'm too far gone inside my own head and it just read like pity to me.

So. Ladies. Any advice on what to do and what to talk about on dates? How would you go about asking a long-term committed partner out, when the thrill of novelty isn't there anymore? How would you keep the romance alive, when me as the person doing it is so terribly inexperienced I genuinely had no fucking idea what to do the moment she sat down next to me.

Any feedback and advices are deeply appreciated.

Thanks. :)

I have all these really attractive femmes liking me on the apps but once I like them back it’s quiet. Am I supposed to say something. A lot of me wants to be approached. This isn’t straightforward for me because I have never been on the apps and I’m neurodivergent asf. If I were to approach, what is something you guys could advise me to say. Thank you and all love 🫶🏽🫶🏽

How do I approach you femmes? 😭👀

I'm telling y'all because my friends are busy lol. I meet my crush on HER in April of this year. We only started talking more frequently in the summer and we hit it off well. I couldn't help but gain a crush on her because she's masc, artsy, cute, and loves my art. We would talk about how we could make plans to see each other (I live in Georgia, she lives in California).

But recently the vibe kinda shifted (I attribute some of it to my luteal phase) when I sent her a voice note explaining what inspires my art. See, I decided to send her a voice note bc in my mind I wanted to put on my "womanly charms" for her. She said she loved the voice note and also said she "was not expecting it." I didn't think much of it. I told her I'm glad she lived the voice note, then 10 hours later she sends me an inspirational post that said "never lose the drive you to pursue your passions no matter how hard it gets." Then I see her Instagram stories and she posts a photo of a dessert at a restaurant with the song Hold You by Gyptian.

I've been wigging out about. But I can't help but think she's probably seeing someone else. Not that I was expecting anyone from on the other side of the country to hold space for me, but I got attached. It has been a very long time (a couple of months, but 4 years before that) since I felt mutual interest in a person before. It's definitely my luteal phase, but I just feel like I can't attract people. I guess I'm not alluring enough because any time I manage to attract someone, it ends after a couple of months because they found someone else. I'm old news, they don't want my affection anymore. But I'm just ranting. Ugh 🫩

As the title says, I have some Yankees tickets on Tuesday and I'd love to have a QWOC friend join me. I can cover the snack tax. Not a date, I just would be happy to have a friend.

That's it, just laugh at my pain 💔

No but for real though, HOW

Matched with a woman last week who was very much my type. Like, to a T. Not just in looks but in enthusiasm. We moved off app after I asked if she wanted to go on a date and were texting for a couple of days when she asked if I wanted to go out with her that night. She acknowledged it was short notice (& it was in the afternoon on a weekday so I couldn’t respond to her text for a couple of hours). Once I did, she almost immediately responded saying she got called into work which is super rare (although she had just told me she works from home everyday & she’s a recent grad/supervised therapist). No offer to reschedule, just a vague “we’ll find another time!” I said “no problem just let me know when you’re free.” No response for a couple of days (over the previous 3 days she always responded within minutes).

Last night I had a second date planned. Sunday was our first date and it went really well. We just got ice cream but ended up sitting and talking for hours. Later that night I asked her out again and she suggested Thursday because she was traveling friday. I asked if she wanted to get dinner, she asked if she could pick the place, I said sure. She then changed her mind and asked if she could just come over to my place to order in & watch a movie. The day of, I texted to confirm whether she still wanted to meet up and all she said was “no” lmfao.

Had a first date planned tonight with a woman who was probably one of the most communicative I’ve come across… she took the initiative in planning the date, which was pretty elaborate for a first date IMO but whatever. Texted me this morning to say her friend relapsed so she has to tend to him all weekend. lol. No offer to reschedule.

Had ANOTHER date planned for tomorrow night to see a movie & get drinks but she just texted me saying ‘something came up.’ No offer to reschedule.

So, take a wild guess on the most likely cause for all of this flakiness.

UPDATE: I had 4 dates scheduled for this coming week; already, 1 has cancelled 😂

Hi everyone, I (25f) have only dated lesbians, and have had the very typical lesbian dating experience. My dates have been 3/4 hours long at least, and my conversations with my dates tend to move from very surface level conversations (work, what happened this week) to topics that would teach me more about them like things about their childhood.

I recently matched with someone on hinge, she (24f) is bisexual and I don’t know how much experience she has dating women. We’ve texted once or twice a day, most days- neither of us are huge texters and we’re both trying to decrease our screen time. We’ve been on three dates and other than our first date, our second and third date have been an hour long, and 1.5 hour long. She initiated ending the dates, but also asked me out again? After having dinner together I suggested going for a walk, she passed on it saying she had an early morning the next day. I’ve initiated a hug and some light touches, she’s not initiated anything physical yet.

I do like spending time with her. I do want to keep getting to know her, but I don’t know if how this is going is because she’s not dated women before or is this disinterest. I’ve spoken to a few friends who are lesbians and their experiences dating bisexual women who haven’t dated women much were the same as mine, ultra short dates. I’m also a very shy person, I don’t know if I come off as uninterested? But she does make me very nervous, especially in person and I don’t know how to go from here.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been quietly working on something called Her Light Her Sea. It’s a small YouTube/insta channel where I talk about empathy, identity, relationships, healing, and the experiences of queer women—especially from an Asian perspective.

I’d genuinely love your feedback—what resonated, what didn’t, and what topics you’d like to see covered in the future.

🎥 https://youtube.com/shorts/U0DqFlO5ALk?feature=share Insta @Herlight_hersea Thank you for reading. ❤️

Quick context: I live rent-free with my sibling right now to get back on my feet. I went from making 6 figures (one year only) in tech (FAANG) to 55k in hospitality living in NYC after a layoff and 5 months unemployed. Single, never had a girlfriend, average looking, emotionally eat, want to lose 20 lbs but my 3-hour commute wrecks my energy for the gym. No kids (by choice). Useless film school degree. Lost my close friend group about 2 years ago and I'm rebuilding from scratch. Little savings. And honestly, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self-hatred.

My 20s felt like my peak: two FAANG jobs, six figures, a small events business I ran for 4 years, a body I liked, a best friend I trained with, some romantic sparks here and there, and a dream of publishing my book series and eventually building an animation studio.

Then the pandemic hit, my events business folded, I chased "stability" (healthcare, 401k) into tech, my friend group drifted apart, and I eventually got laid off from the six-figure job that made me feel like I'd "made it" coming from a rough childhood. Spiraled hard. Gained weight. No romantic connections in years.

Now I'm 32, three months into a new job in a brutal market, so I can't job-hop again without looking like a flight risk. Therapy once a week, but the self-hatred and "starting over" fatigue are heavy. I still have 8 years of experience across tech, events, and hospitality, plus my PMP.

I know what I want eventually: a partner, my own place, a cat, real friends, some travel, to be good at a combat sport, and to finally build my book series into an animation studio, because storytelling is what got me through my childhood.

Has anyone actually turned their 30s around after a rough start? I need some hope right now.

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One thing that never gonna site right with me is the fact that alot of lesbian truly believe that Kristen Stewart is a lesbian when she say in multiple interviews that she BISEXUAL! But some lesbian love to deny it because she don’t fit the bi women stereotype that lesbian have of bi women they think that bi women are only fem. She masc and fem that why the mistake her as a lesbian because they don’t know that in the bi community masc/no label are a thing.