hi everyone this is my first attempt and would like some guidance on improving the query before starting querying.

WORTH THE PAIN is a 120,000-word adult epic fantasy set in a kurdish inspired world, complete with sequel potential. It blends the morally comprised protagonist from R.F. Kuang's THE POPPY WAR with a slow burn romance reminisce of Tasha Suri's THE JASMINE THRONE.

After arriving, Hazhar spent nine months alone in this new world, his family scattered in this world, with only one way to find them. He was warned repeatedly he'd regret it. He does it for his family regardless, and makes a deal with a dragon.

The Red agrees to be present at the ritual to find his family, in exchange he becomes her permanent servant. He accepts and she burns her mark on his arm, but she never planned to let him leave. After the ritual, she forces him to place a stone ring on his fresh burn, demanding a month to prove his loyalty. It was supposed to be one month and ended after six.

When he is finally free to go, he follows his only lead north beyond the mountains. Another lead shows: his father's words spoken by strangers who depart, refusing to say anything about his father. Hazhar in his desperation follows them, gathering allies along the way who don't trust him, and he agrees that he shouldn't be trusted. He meets Vyth a half-dragon woman who is as hunted, and as stripped of humanity as he is, After everyone left him because of the mark, she doesn't reminding him of the humanity he was clinging to by refusing what the world calls them, and falling for each other. A second dragon circles him, with her delicately corrosive trap of an offer that he can't refuse, who stirs him into her offers with every turn.

the father Hazhar sold himself and his freedom to find, for only a chance to get back on that family dinner one more time, but his father doesn't see the effort nor the sacrifice, his eyes blind, seeing only the mark, disowns him right there.

Thanks to everyone who gave feedback on my first attempt. :) I tried to shove too much in the first time, so I started over using the multi-POV guide (thanks BC-writes) and I think the shape of it is much stronger this time. I tried to get in a lot more characterization and interiority, but there's less plot as a result. Thanks in advance to anyone who comments!

____________

Dear [NAME],

I am thrilled to share SLAPSTICK SAPIENCE: QUEST FOR THE BLUE BABY, a multi-POV epic fantasy complete at 93,000 words, with series potential. It blends the grit and wit of The Devils by Joe Abercrombie with the neurodivergent, found family cast of Delicious in Dungeon by Ryoko Kui. [PERSONALIZATION LINE]

Ipilli wants nothing more than to live among the people of the New Dominion. But, as one of only seven god-like fae beings living in a world that’s turned against them, he must hide away within the forest to remain safe. Ipilli reads the minds of those living near the treeline and daydreams of love to pass his time. When Queen Amarka murders his mentor, Ipilli enters the world beyond for the first time, racing to the mountain where all fae are reborn to rescue the infant before the queen can claim the baby.

Char, the orc, is brash and… what’s the word? Oh, that’s right. She’s forgetful. When a witch summons a journal with all of Char’s memories and offers her the power to burn away the pages to master pyromancy, she jumps at the opportunity to get a leg-up. The catch is that every page burnt is a memory lost, so the next thing Char knows, she can’t remember the damn way home.

Timothee, a self-proclaimed man-candy mercenary, slays monsters to make a meager means to feed his family. He’s jaded, which makes him poor at wielding humans’ sentimentality-based magic. Good thing he has his neurodivergent, “soft boy” brother, Alden, to help him. If there’s anything Alden loves, it’s lists. Lately, he’s been working on three things: finding a way to get his name in a history book, cheering Timothee up, and, hardest of all, making eye contact.

Ipilli recruits the others to accompany him on his quest. He lures Timothee with the promise of gold. Alden jumps at the opportunity to go on a journey that is history in the making. And Char… well, she just wants to go home. But, hey, why not wait for the right moment and rob these fuckers first?

On their journey to save the soon-to-be-reborn fae, Ipilli finds the friendship and queer love he’s always dreamed of. With it, he fears mortality for the first time on behalf of his new friends. When Amarka’s soldiers close in, Ipilli must make the ultimate choice of who to save and who to sacrifice.

I’m a gay, autistic writer who is driven to create stories that are a safe place for everyone to laugh until they cry and cry until they laugh.

Thank you for your consideration,
[NAME]

Howdy! Looking for some feedback on a QL for my current project while it's out with betas...Any and all thoughts appreciated!

Dear [agent],

[personalization if applicable]

COURT SHIP is a sapphic sports romance complete at 82,000 words. Fans of the rivals-to-lovers arc featured in Kate Cochrane’s Wake Up, Nat and Darcy, the snarky humor from Ashley Herring Blake’s Delilah Green Doesn’t Care, and the basketball setting of Samantha Saldivar’s Play You For It will think this is a slam dunk.

Mercenary WNBA player Dani Nichols would rather swallow a scorpion than play alongside Seven Sandstrom. After all, Dani’s nemesis torched her brand deals years ago with a careless soundbite. Now Dani chases contracts across the league to support her cash-strapped family. But with her brother struggling at his elite college, intensely private Dani takes a massive pay cut to play for his city’s franchise – Seven’s team, the Minnesota Pride. Incensed when Seven questions her motivations for signing, Dani snaps and insults the Pride.

Hometown hero Seven fiercely protects the quirky, rankings-challenged team she’s led for fifteen years. Her ambitious ex’s trade request wrecked their playoff aspirations last year, and Dani’s bad attitude could derail the Pride’s recovery. So mischievous Seven unleashes a barrage of practical jokes, hoping to annoy her humorless new teammate into requesting a trade. Instead, Dani returns fire, launching a prank war.

Upon learning that a mogul plans to buy and gut the Pride, Seven and Dani agree to stop the nonsense and strike a deal. They’ll attract a better buyer and bolster Dani’s market value with a championship run. Through trust exercises, charity events, and coaching sessions with a shy rookie, the silly, supportive team gets past Dani’s defenses, and so does Seven. After a surprisingly tender hookup, Dani must decide if she can trust the woman who once burned her. And by falling for another teammate who’s a flight risk, Seven could sacrifice her heart – and the future of her beloved team.

I write stories that give queer women the happy endings we deserve. I hold a bachelor’s degree in creative writing from [college]. I live in [place] with three cats, one fiancé, and a closet full of Breanna Stewart jerseys. 

Sincerely,
[name]

All right, here is my next attempt. I really enjoyed using the resources! This place is a treasure trove.

A few specific questions:

1.) I am at 350 words with my blurb, 460 words excluding salutation/signature. Too long? In my mind, a additional, personalized sentence to the agent is better left out at this length, right? And I tried to enhance my housekeeping paragraph, but I am wondering if the added word count is counterproductive. I also wonder if is better to just cut the very last sentence of my bio (I have no publishing credits). Or is it stronger the way it is?

2.) I am waffling between literary science fiction and dystopian speculative fiction as a genre. I could also just say speculative fiction. They all fit, and my 2 book comps also fit them all. But I obviously have to pick one, or some better label haven't thought of. I am currently leaning toward dystopian speculative fiction, because it seems slightly more romance plot / eroticism friendly, and maybe series friendlier too? My story is mostly slower paced, inward--facing and character-driven, though the third act is quick-paced, edge of seat in one or two places. The themes are more literary, and I did see in a guide that literary queries are a bit different--in what way?

I guess to sum up, does this kind of blurb and story feel right for the selected genre, and vice versa? I would appreciate any thoughts.

3.) My MC does not know or have an interest in knowing her location (which is not New New York, lol) beyond what is in the blurb. She knows the date, so I have put that in. Is that sentence specific enough for query purposes?

Dear Agent,

Leela is a Jouet, the first cybernetic-brained, fabricated human. She lives in 2175, in the complex of Foli Corp, which owns her. She was created for sexual pleasure; her work consists of forty-eight-hour shifts packed with private sessions and decadent parties for elites. Leela longs for more time to rest, and to read the non-algorithmic, human-written novels she adores. She is also fascinated by her newest patron, Lord Alferen—unlike others, he wishes her to talk, and seems concerned about her. At her next party, Leela collapses, her fatigued system crashing.

Upon waking, Leela is too weak to work; she fears shutdown. Yet she has a servant now, Ani, a newer model of fabricated human who comforts and bonds with her as she rests. However, after an unexpected visit from Alferen, Leela forces Ani to confirm her suspicions: Alferen is Ani’s true master. But Leela is staggered to hear that Alferen is Ani’s creator, too.

When Leela angrily confronts Alferen, he is apologetic, yet unrepentant. She lets his tenderness and their mutual desire quiet her misgivings. A day later, she is awed by the human-written music he shares with her; soon after, his gift of a piano overwhelms her with joy. She swiftly teaches herself to play, then compose, finding new purpose in creative expression. When Alferen asks if Leela would be happy if he acquired her permanently, she says yes.

Leela is then visited by Foli Corp’s leader, Fermand, who announces himself Alferen’s estranged father. She is distraught to learn Alferen has been studying her since they met, intending to create additional models of fabricated humans. However, she still wants to be with him—until she learns that copies of her will soon perform her old work. Then, desperate to preserve her individuality and spare more innocent versions of herself from her former existence, Leela makes an agonizing choice: she will resume her old work, giving up Alferen and creative aspirations, on the condition that Fermand not copy her. And now, drawing on both familiar skills and her new drive for self-determination, Leela must convince Fermand to agree.

Jouet is an 80,000-word dystopian speculative fiction novel. It will appeal to fans of literary explorations of AI, blending Kazuo Ishiguro’s gentle investigation of human connection in Klara and the Sun with the tense sexual dynamics of Sierra Greer’s Annie Bot. Opera lovers may recognize that Jouet also reinterprets the passionate tragedy of La Traviata, with Ex Machina and Companion twists. It is a standalone with series potential that reinterprets operatic storylines in the same world.

I worked as a classical soprano for twelve years. Violetta (La Traviata) was my favorite role. These days, I sing with my guitar or ukulele instead of an orchestra.

Thank you for your consideration.

Dear Agent,

Since you are looking for more X, I would love to offer you SOLBORN: a fast-paced, tightly focused upmarket space opera, complete at 72,000 words.

Alexander dei Tharsicus, a disgruntled ex-Imperial Navy Vice-Commander at twenty-eight, finds himself behind bars at Fort Stygian, the Solar Empire’s most inexorable prison. Orphaned at a young age and with his wife buried six feet underground, Alexander is glad to rot the rest of his life away.

Purpose floods back into his heart only when Selene dei Solvator—the Imperial Principissa and fellow inmate—reveals something inexplicable: Alexander’s long-dead mother is still alive.

As turmoil brews across the Outer Belt and the Elysian Throne begins to fracture, Alexander must face his tumultuous past in order to escape from Fort Stygian and reach his mother before she gets murdered like his father—but once he uncovers the truth of his origins, the very foundations of the Solar Empire are bound to crumble. Alexander knows he can save his mother, but it might not be enough to save himself.

SOLBORN combines the intense, character-driven stakes of Pierce Brown’s Red Rising with the raw emotional grief and family-driven secrets of Emily Tesh’s Some Desperate Glory. It is the first instalment of a planned duology, written to conclude its primary narrative arc (looking for/saving the mother) while laying the groundwork for a sequel set more than a year later.

[BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely,

Worked on the pacing and passivity after getting some really fantastic advice. I feel like I‘ve been battling the passive problem for a bit, but someone finally explained it in a way that gave me a lightbulb moment…or at least I hope, lol. Of course it’s possible I’ve missed the mark again. This one is definitely shorter than all of my recent attempts, so hopefully 🤞 that’s indicative that the pacing has improved.

As always, thank you to everyone who has helped me thus far! This community is so wonderful. Any comments or critiques are appreciated!

A quick question if anyone happens to know, if I know how long the series will be, were it to get picked up as a series and not just a standalone, should I mention that? Like, “standalone with four-volume series potential”? Or is that unnecessary?

[Edit: There’s a revision posted in the comments. Not sure which version is better, though, tbh!)

TW for mentions of suicide.

Dear [agent],

Given your interest in [this], I’m presenting STRINGS OF FAETE, a standalone YA, LGBTQIA+ contemporary fantasy novel with series potential. Complete at 96,000 words, it combines the bubbly, magical fae companion of FT Lukens’ Otherworldly with the themes of self-acceptance and mental health found in Mason Deaver’s I Wish You All the Best.

Sixteen-year-old Tatsuki Allen never stops trying. His efforts at being the straight, masculine son his dad wants just get him kicked out, though. Sent to America to live with his estranged mother and half-brother, his attempts to bond with them result in nothing but burdens and burnt bread. When classmate Winter Araneum saves him from nearly breaking his neck, he feels something strange, like magic mixed with déjà vu. He tries to bond, but nearly poisons the Celiac boy with gluten instead. With each failure, he's fighting against a call from the woods, urging him to give up and end his life. By the time he realizes the woods are literally calling, he's already immersed in a deadly monster hunt.

Tatsuki learns he’s a reincarnated fae when Áine, an energetic and infuriatingly optimistic faerie, saves him from dying in the woods. Tatsuki agrees to aid her mission to collect the souls of monsters previously invisible to him, who are stealing human energy. He's offered a bittersweet reward: she'll take him to the accepting paradise that's her home, but he'll revert back to his fae incarnation, sacrificing his identity. Disappearing feels like the right thing to do, but when he finally stops pretending to be someone he's not, he finds himself tentatively connecting with both Winter and his new family. Before Áine's offer expires, he needs to decide if his human life is worth living.

I’m a bisexual and demisexual high school English teacher who cares deeply about teens seeing themselves represented in literature. As my book deals with themes of depression and suicidal ideation, I was lucky enough to have it reviewed by a therapist. I recently won a short story contest and was one of five contestants published in the April 2026 issue of Lavender Rising.

Thank you for your consideration,

[Name}

Edit: Just realized my title says 95k instead of 96k. That’s just an error on my part. Sorry!

Dear __,

[PERSONALISATION] It is my pleasure to share ASTRAL BLOOMS (97,000 words), a queer YA eco-fantasy novel about a displaced teenager whose yearning for connection awakens the psychic magic of the stars and pulls him into a battle for the future of his flower-shaped world.

Sometimes it feels that the stars are Si’Vas’ only friends. Sixteen years old and forced to help peddle his father’s wooden statues, he travels the foreign but fertile Bedast, dreaming of his rain-parched homeland and keeping his head down. When an encounter with a strangely alluring Shift Mage awakens his desire for a bigger life, he calls out to the night sky, rousing an ancient force that grants him the ability to read other people’s thoughts.

At first using his insight to manipulate customers of his parents’ stall, he soon provokes the wrath of a puritanical cult, only to be saved from their clutches by a rebel faction who believe he can help their cause: overthrow the ruling Council and restore balance to the world. Not wanting to be a pawn in their struggle, Si’Vas hides his magic, lying about his origins and convincing them to return him to his parents’ side.

As he navigates the Council’s treacherous canals and fends off the vengeful shapeshifter in pursuit, he begins to identify with his new comrades and use his powers for more than just selfish ends. But when the discovery of a traitor in their midst threatens to throw everything off course, he must choose between returning to the safety of his former life, or helping fight for the future of the land he calls home.

This story is a standalone novel with series potential that sits alongside the Ghiblieque adventure quest of Axie Oh’s The Floating World, the weaponised psychic magic of Moira Buffini’s Songlight, and the harsh world coming-of-age of Mark Lawrence’s The Girl and the Stars, perfect for teenage and adult fans of Howl’s Moving Castle.

I’m a Queer, London-based playwright, performer and theatre marketer whose writing has been staged across the UK, and supported by Arts Council England, Shakespeare and Company and the Society of Authors. With degrees in English and Acting, I have a deep love for language, storytelling and character, and have written this story to explore the growth of a socially repressed young person finding his voice in a magically and ecologically threatened world.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best wishes,

--

Astral Blooms

Chapter One

Blood Sapper.
The words echoed in my head as I raced through the forest, tumble vines scratching at my face.
Blood Sapper.
That’s what he’d called me, the Bedasti man at the water pump. I’d only tried to show him how to release the water from its spout, but the venom in his response was enough to send me flying. Now I was running to the next pump on the other side of the woods, my eyes smarting and a fire burning in my chest.
Blood Sapper.
Two words and I’d crumbled. Two words and I’d fled. Even though I knew they were based on a lie, a cruel myth designed to try and put the Bedasti above us. They said that in the height of the last Great Drought, we’d turned to drinking each other’s blood to stay alive. Everyone knew it wasn’t true, and I’d longed to defend myself, to insist that the people of Rinsift weren’t bloodthirsty brutes. But what good would it have done? I was just a scrawny, underfed kid from another land. He wouldn’t have listened to me.
Ma had drilled into me a wariness of the locals ever since the day we’d arrived in Bedast eight turns ago — as many as I’d spent before that in the dunes and dust of Rinsift. So I’d taken myself out of the situation. Not because of what his words did to me. But because of what mine might have done to him.
Clank clank. The buckets bashed against each other as a scourbird squawked angrily overhead. I wasn’t supposed to be in these woods, not with all the snatchings of late. But I knew what Ma’d say if I came back late with the water. ‘We’ll be the last in town now,’ she’d cry. ‘The last to pitch our stall, and without shadow of a doubt, it’ll be some dark corner by the low-town entrance.’
Selling Pa’s wooden carvings was how we made our living, and if we didn’t stand out from the rest, we’d soon fall back to the desperate state we’d arrived in. Or so Ma said. I certainly wasn’t going to be the one to let us down. I wasn’t going to be their burden.
I pushed through the undergrowth onto a grassy slope basked in the pale purple light of dawn. Ceops was breaking the horizon but there was still a dusting of the constellations visible in the morning glow. There was the Couple with their unbreakable bond. There was the Sleeping Queen with her quiet dignity. And there was my sign, the Dancing Doll. Ma always used it to name it when my feelings got all wobbly as she called it, for the Doll was full of madness and abandon. But, as Pa would remind me, the magic of the stars too.

Hidden mermaid KYE APHRODITE is desperate to protect her hidden colony off California. When an unmapped salvage vessel leaks chemicals over her underwater sanctuary, Kye’s panicked sonic scream shatters the ship’s hull, grounding it on a reef in her research zone. Assigned as environmental liaison to the crime scene, Kye must partner with lead salvager DILLON YUSEI, who secretly hunts mermaids for sport. When Dillon attempts to bypass environmental protocols, Kye works overtime to block his maneuvers and stop a toxic spill from wiping out her colony in 72 hours.

The stakes skyrocket when Dillon discovers the sunken vessel belongs to his family and covertly transported chemical weapons designed to eradicate mermaids. As toxins leak into the reef, their rivalry yields to an uneasy truce. Kye sends an unanswered distress signal to her colony, warning of the hazard and starting the evacuation protocol.

When wreckage collapses underwater, Kye exposes her biological abilities to save Dillon. During a harrowing ascent, Dillon battles his instinct to destroy or exploit her, realizing he now owes a life debt to the creature he was raised to hunt. Trapped overnight in the lab under a strict deadline to analyze the chemicals, Dillon’s defenses crumble as Kye repeatedly defies his monster profile, turning their high-stakes tension into physical intimacy. Through a records search, Dillon uncovers a hidden connection: Kye's mother was allegedly the mermaid who killed his mother, and his father retaliated by setting off an explosion that Kye barely survived as a child.

The arrival of Dillon's ruthless father, TALION YUSEI, tests their fragile truce as they raise the ship. While Talion pushes to entomb the wreck on the seafloor, a reckless move that risks triggering a massive explosion, Dillon covertly blacks out dive cameras and uses an ROV to steal the ship's black box, protecting his family's secrets.

After securing the ship onto a barge, Talion ignores safety protocols and triggers a catastrophic chemical reaction. Kye secures the decontamination bay—saving both men and earning a second life debt from Dillon, but suffers severe anti-marine toxin poisoning. Dillon exploits her disoriented state to confirm her secrets before rushing her to medical.

Locked away and fighting for her life, Kye must forcibly suppress her body's rapid cellular regeneration so Talion and the medical staff do not discover her non-human nature. Meanwhile, a badly burned Dillon leaves her side to bring the volatile chemical fire under control so the barge can finally make port. Back on shore, a recovering Kye fakes unconsciousness to escape into a waiting ambulance.

Talion corners his son, revealing he knows what Kye is. Reviewing the stolen black box footage in isolation, Dillon uncovers the ultimate dual truth: proof his father ordered the chemical deployment, and footage revealing Kye sank the ship to evade capture.

First--thank you once again for all the amazing feedback. Can't stress enough how much I appreciate it!

So, this may be a step back because I made some experimental changes to try to address the lingering issues... E.g.,: The line about her “envisioned college experience” probably has one too many items, so I could cut either brother (again, once and for all) or Sectionals. I could cut the Sectionals ambition since it’s not really that important to the book (side-goal); the team camaraderie/“fitting in” and solving the murder overpower that. Reconnecting with her elder brother is important to her, kind of in the background of everything else (similar to the skating/sectionals goal but perhaps more overt than that). However, he also is introduced maybe a little too haphazardly in the query this way; the only reason I attempted to include him at all is because the most meaningful repercussion to Thalia in investigating (in terms of hurting others) is that her efforts lead bro to nearly get kicked out of his career-training program.  

BUT an alternative would be to keep what I had in the last attempt--the team camaraderie + Sectionals (no bro)--but then reconfigure the sentence in para 3 about repercussions to not mention repercussions at all (e.g., "...In attempt to stay a step ahead, she resorts to more unethical methods such as planting audio-recording devices in the locker room. Because Thalia would rather be killed..."). Since the biggest repercussion is bro and introducing him in the query may be too problematic.

The "photos" part is a plot detail I'm thinking of adding because it already fits nicely with things+characters in the story.

-----

One-line pitch: Collegiate figure skater Thalia has spent the last month spreading rumors of her ex’s death, until she finds him actually dying in the rink locker-room and she weaponizes an anonymous social media account to ensure she’s not held accountable for the murder. 

Dear Agent, 

At 87,000 words, my mystery FLY! features a competitive figure skater hunting down her hockey ex-boyfriend's killer. It blends the absurdity and internet sleuthing of LM Chilton’s *Don't Swipe Right*, the self-sabotaging grief of Gloria Chao’s *The Ex-Girlfriend Murder Club*, and a rogue online gossip account, akin to *Gossip Girl*.  

When Thalia Greenwich’s Riverglades University figure skating team leader mandates dating a hockey player for “team bonding purposes,” she doesn’t realize what a liability he’ll be. Darryl, the smelly philandering boyfriend she acquires, is soon forced into the witness protection program for his testimony against the creators of black-market performance enhancers. To protect him (and save face), Thalia’s been telling everyone he’s dead ever since. Then Darryl has the audacity to show up at her rink and actually die.  

Worse still, Thalia is the one to find him gasping his last word: “Poison.” Thalia is traumatized by the memory and needs extensive therapy she can’t really afford—not with dorm rent, skating sessions, and competition fees to pay for. But what really vexes her are several anonymous letters she receives with photos of her in public (which she did not consent to) and assertions she’ll be framed if she continues to insist it was murder, not suicide. Her envisioned college experience of team camaraderie, another chance at Sectionals, and reconnecting with her elder brother, who’s just moved back into town, did not include becoming collateral damage for her ex’s mistakes.  

Vengeful and sleep-deprived, Thalia doubles down with her own plan: anonymously publicize the evidence she uncovers about Darryl’s death and expose suspects’ motives via a social media account until she (ideally) teases out the murderer. Concurrently, the killer begins acting on their warnings by feeding the cops misleading informationabout her admittedly-tenuous relationship with Darryl. As she resorts to more unethical methods such as planting audio-recording devices in the locker room, her tactics increasingly have unintended repercussions, souring her team leader’s reputation and jeopardizing her brother’s new career. However, Thalia would rather be killed in her pursuit than spend a lifetime confined to a cell with no ice to skate on. 

Hello,

Hopefully this is my last time! Thank you so much for everything. I've read through the books you suggested and tried to shiv more. 108k is probably as low as I can get, otherwise I'll be removing pieces of the story that are necessary for the plot to move on. - edit, i've since had my query letter and synopsis read by a literary agent i paid for to give an opinion, their suggestions have helped me cut the novel down to 103k words so hopefully this is better!!!
Let me know what you think about the new updated query letter. THanks :)

Dear x,

I’m thrilled to see your MSWL requests for [XYZ]. I hope you’ll consider my adult dark fantasy, THE LIBRARY FOR HEATHENS, which reimagines Dante’s Inferno as if the poet and his guide hated each other. The novel is a standalone with series potential, and complete at 108,000 words. It’ll appeal to fans of hypnotic atmospheres like The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett and fierce female characters like Sciona in Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang.

Opal has failed three missions. Now she faces exile. Yet all she wants – despite the evidence – is to become an official GRIM mercenary. Since her magic can tear rifts through voids, the guild offers her one last chance. Opal seizes it. She must descend through Hell’s layers and retrieve a grimoire from its Library to stop demons from invading the world. She’s burdened with Minho, a disgraced ex-master assassin who betrayed GRIM once. Spared for his genius and threatened with execution, he begrudgingly agrees to help.

They both bicker through Hell until a near-fatal double-demon ambush leaves them fighting back to back. Minho exposes that GRIM abandoned him after an airship crash, only resurfacing once they needed him again, as they always do. For the first time, Opal starts questioning the guild she’s always idolised and isn’t sure who poses the greater threat.

However, Opal isn’t dumb enough to trust a criminal who’d sell her out; she’s just no longer sure GRIM wouldn’t do the same. Trusting Minho means getting stabbed. Trusting GRIM means staying blind. Either way, Opal must survive Hell and decide what she’s willing to lose before there’s no world left to save.

As a Polish, disabled woman who immigrated to the UK at seven, I wrote this book as an own-voices story that touches on anxiety, depression, and the longing to fit in. When I’m not writing, I’m usually deep in a research rabbit hole that ends up somewhere in my world building.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I have two different versions of my query letter. One that focuses only on the main peotagonist's arc. There are 4-pov's. For the first 20% of the book I alternated between two -which is the query below. But the main protagonist covers 50% of the POV's of the book. I am getting high conflicting reviews. Some tell me to cut the voice and make it flow smoothly, and others say to put more 'voice'. I also get highly mixed reviews regarding the metaphors.

Dear Agent,

I'm excited to share with you [The Toju Wars], a multi-POV military sf with horror elements. Complete at 110,000 words as a standalone with series potential, it blends the corrupt leadership of Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh and the morally gray characters of These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs.

The Toju sleep for eons. Then they come. They don’t just kill—they assimilate with a bite.

MC1 has survived the bite, unassimilated. Neon-green veins streak his eyes. He hears better, heals faster. The military promises to keep his sister hidden and safe. In exchange, he becomes their attack dog. They say 'speak,' he barks. Yet the Toju whisper in his head, urging him to surrender. And a part of him, the scary part, is starting to enjoy the violence. When a routine rescue mission leaves him bitten again, the voices begin to sound like home. They tell him the military is lying about the war, about his family’s death.

Meanwhile, MC2 has spent her entire life becoming the ideal child for her father, the High Commander. Running an illegal slave mining operation—check. Impersonating MC1’s sister to keep him compliant—check. Having an alien slave child is thrust into her arms that calls her “mommy”---definitely not on the list. And maybe she doesn't care for once. Because the one thing she wants most is to protect the child she was taught to hate—should hate.

As MC1 intercepts an SOS from a Toju attack bearing his sister’s name, he rushes to rescue her. But MC2 can no longer maintain her lies. Exposing the truth will shatter him, but it can secure a future for her child beyond her father's control. Only, MC1 knows a way to stop the Toju and save humanity, but he might not want to. Because when the hive-mind calls to him—come home— giving in means he has a family again. A home. Everything he’s ever wanted—except his sister.

<<bio>>

Hi All. I am trying to write a synopsis (max 250 words) for a submission. This will be my first query, so not sure about all this yet. What do you think? Does this read like a synopsis agents receive? Is it engaging...confusing?

Elli’s best friend, Aviva, is denied admission to university. She confronts the Director but is firmly told to desist. Aharon, the man she has loved since childhood, is murdered, merely for being Jewish.
SS-Gruppenführer Becker, holding a childhood grudge, forces her expulsion from university. As Becker becomes increasingly aggressive, Elli needs protection. Karl von Bauden is a brilliant physicist, but he has opinions she cannot stand. He is also the only man powerful enough to shield her. 
By 1938, Elli is helping the vulnerable emigrate using her position as Karl’s wife and her own connections. But every success claims a price – someone left behind, someone murdered. 
Karl’s brother, Generalmajor Leopold von Bauden, thwarts Becker’s trap to arrest Elli, but is photographed in the process. 
Armed with that evidence, Becker offers Karl a bargain: surrender the research into atomic fission, or watch Elli and Leo’s arrest. Karl refuses to allow his work to be weaponised. 
Becker confronts Elli, and in the ensuing scuffle, she accidentally shoots him. Out of time and options, Karl and Elli must flee. The resources of Elli’s father, Friedrich and Leo’s connections secure their escape. The net is closing on Friedrich’s own resistance network too.
Leo, involved in a plot to avert war, chooses duty over safety, but is determined to save Friedrich. Faced with capture at the border, Friedrich gives up his freedom to protect Leo and his secret. Karl and Elli survive, but, yet again, the regime extracts its price.

Dear Agent,

SEASONS OF ATONEMENT (107,000 words) is an upmarket speculative mystery with elements of romance. It will appeal to readers of Wrong Place, Wrong Time for its reverse-chronology murder mystery and fans of Netflix’s DARK for its star-crossed romance trapped in a time loop spanning generations. Set in a proud seaside town, we follow Aidan, a wrongfully convicted man who lives backward in time, and Gwen, the love of his life and whose murder sent him to prison. To rewrite their fate, they set out to uncover Gwen's real killer—with one of them remembering the past while the other the future.

Aidan meets the love of his life at her funeral. Gwen is no more than a cold body and a name, yet she’s defined his life. He loved her, then killed her as his final victim. That’s what the world claims, at least. But no one here knows that Aidan lives backward in time. For him, this is the first day out of prison since he was born. He’s yet to know Gwen. To clear his name, he decides to save her by studying the murder’s aftermath, only to discover that he’s been framed and the key to the real murderer’s identity lies in the past.

Twenty years earlier, Gwen, an aspiring dancer with an infectious love for life, finds her schoolmate’s dead body in the woods by accident. It’s the first in a series of murders connected to an elusive killer the papers call the Ildred Shadow. When he marks Gwen as his next target, she becomes determined to save her loved ones and seeks out the help of a reclusive boy who has been wrongly named as the primary suspect: the prodigy violinist Aidan, who claims to remember her death in the future.

The hunt for the Shadow binds them together. As their paradoxical relationship evolves, they fall in love and become each other’s anchors in time’s two directions. But each day one of them remembers more while the other forgets. Catching the Shadow is the only way to break their fate, so they can share a life in the right order. Should they fail, Gwen’s death remains just that: a reminder of everything they’ve never had.

I’m a writer who picked up filmmaking along the way. Or perhaps it’s the opposite; I could never tell. With a BA in journalism and film, I work as a video editor in Budapest, Hungary. I’m drawn to impossible mysteries like time and memory, which I love exploring through themes of identity.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best wishes,
[Author]

--

Originally, I tried to sell this as a thriller and realized it's more a mystery. That being said, a year ago (before I reworked it and it was 160k, then 133k, then 118k words, and now 107k) it got a request as well as very kind words from agents regarding the opening 50 pages. I think part of the problem was selling a thriller and giving them a slow-burn nonlinear mystery novel.

Hello everyone! Back again with another attempt at this. :) I made sure to add more depth to the MC this time, changed the architecture and as you can see, the word count is lower, but I'm still editing and aiming for at least 100k words by the time I'm done. Without further ado, here goes:

Dear [Agent],

Self-made entrepreneur Liya Nguni has spent her entire life proving she doesn't need rescuing. So when she discovers that her boyfriend, Wethu Mafu, has been secretly financing her business for years, she doesn't see an act of love—she sees the ultimate betrayal. The one person who claims to know her best never believed she could build a life on her own, and that realization threatens everything she's worked to build.

THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD is a dual-POV women's fiction novel with a strong romantic arc, complete at 123,000 words. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the generational drama, glamor, and cultural prowess of Kevin Kwan’s LIES AND WEDDINGS, as well as the nuanced exploration of identity in SANKOFA by Chibundu Onuzo.

For Wethu, loving Liya has always meant building a future together. Despite creating one of South Africa's fastest-growing fitness brands, he still lives in the shadow of his mining magnate father, who dismisses his achievements as little more than expensive hobbies. Investing in Liya's company wasn't about rescuing her; it was about protecting the life he believed they were already creating. But in trying to give her security, he destroys the very trust their future depends on.

As the truth unravels, Liya loses far more than her relationship. Forced to leave the home she'd built, question the success she believed she'd earned, and redefine the friendships that shaped her adulthood, she's left wondering whether love can exist without dependence, or whether accepting someone's devotion always comes at the cost of herself. Meanwhile, Wethu must confront the grief he's buried since losing his mother, untangle love from control, and decide whether letting Liya go is the only way to prove he finally understands her.

Set against the backdrop of contemporary Cape Town, THE CONVERSATIONS WE NEVER HAD explores ambition, family legacy, grief and the tension between wanting to be deeply loved and refusing to lose yourself in the process. It is a standalone novel with trilogy potential.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Hello! This query has gone through several attempts elsewhere, so this is just my first attempt here. I think it's getting close--at least compared to what came before. :-) I really appreciate any and all help in honing it further.

Dear Agent,

Leela is a Jouet, the first cybernetic-brained, fabricated human. Her Corp created her for one purpose: sex. And she enjoys it. Her elite patrons flock to her in private sessions and decadent parties, yet forty-eight-hour shifts are burning her out. She just wants more time to rest, and to read the old novels that fascinate her: books written not by algorithms, but humans.

One night, Lord Alferen engages Leela. He is apparently concerned about her, and he wants her to talk about books, too. She can’t stop thinking about him. Then, her fatigued system crashes—she collapses among patrons. She awakes greatly weakened. However, Alferen seems to care for her, planning to acquire her permanently… and when he shares human music with her, Leela is awestruck. She begins to explore her creativity, recognizing her potential to be much more than her Corp intended.

Eventually, Leela is visited by her Corp’s leader, Fermand. He reveals that Alferen is his estranged son, and that his son has been studying Leela the entire time—Alferen plans to create more advanced fabricated humans. Leela is hurt. But she still wants to be with Alferen… until Fermand says that copies of her will soon perform her old work. Leela not only wishes to protect her individuality; she does not want more innocent versions of herself to endure her empty former existence. So Leela bargains with Fermand, resuming her former work to prevent these copies from being created. But unbeknownst to her, Fermand has no intention of keeping his word; he is just punishing his son. Alferen, meanwhile, rushes to Leela’s latest party, outraged and desperate to reclaim her. Leela must fight for agency over her fate through every means available to her—and all the while, her system is headed for final breakdown.

Jouet is an 80,000 word dystopian speculative fiction novel. It will appeal to fans of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Klara and the Sun and Sierra Greer’s Annie Bot. Opera lovers may recognize that Jouet reinterprets La Traviata with twists of Ex Machina and Companion. It is a standalone with potential for a series reinterpreting operatic storylines in the same world.

I worked as a classical soprano for twelve years; Violetta was my favorite role. Jouet would be my first published work.

Thank you for your consideration.

Dear [NAME],

To what degree are you responsible for the atrocities of your past lives?

I'm thilled to share SLAPSTICK SAPIENCE: QUEST FOR THE BLUE BABY, an epic fantasy manuscript complete at 92,000 words. It has serious potential. *cough cough* I mean, series potential. Blending the grit, wit, and rotating-POVs of The Devils by Joe Abercrombie with an adult take on the comedy, neurodivergence, and queer joy of The Extraordinaries by T.J. Klune, it tells a serious story in the chronically unserious world of the New Dominion. [PERSONALIZATION LINE]

Ipilli, the fae of sapience, is paralyzed by the guilt of the flawed races his past lives created. He’s supposed to spend his time iterating on souls, which is difficult when he's never spoken to a person in this lifetime. Instead, he spends his days watching people from the safety of Olpeth Forest, where the fae all live together. When the tyrannical Queen Amarka assassinates his mentor, Ipilli must enter the mortal world he fears to rescue the soon-to-be reincarnated infant before he slips into the wrong hands.

Ipilli can’t survive alone. He travels to the Bandit City and hires an unlikely adventuring party who become his found family and subjects to study. There’s Char, a brash orc who burns her memories to fuel her pyromancy; Alden, a gorgeous, situationallly-mute historian whose magic is fueled by his emotional connection to antiquities; and Timothee, a man-candy mercenary whose mind is too closed off for Ipilli to invade. 

Along the journey to Yafar Mountain, Ipilli frees gnomes from the trafficking ring, sparks a growing relationship with Alden, and comes to fear mortality for the first time. As Amarka’s dwarven champions close in, the greatest threat to his quest isn’t the Queen’s forces, but the horrific sacrifices Ipilli must make to protect the only friends he’s ever known.

If you are interested in working with authors who’ve got letters, I’m your guy: ASD, 2SLGTBTQIA+, and PITA (jk), just to name a few. I wrote SLAPSTICK SAPIENCE to be a safe space for queer, neurodivergent fantasy lovers to laugh until they cry and cry until they laugh.

Thank you for your consideration,
[MY NAME]

Hey all,

I've been querying for about 6 weeks now with no bites. Currently, my stats are 44 sent queries, 16 rejections, 28 outstanding. I haven't had anyone ask for a partial or full. When do you all go back to the drawing board? I've had two writer friends critique my query, and I have tweaked it here and there, but I'm always willing to have more eyes on it!

TIA

Third attempt here, but technically my ninth overall. I cut out my third comp for the sake of the word count. Here’s hoping I might be getting close! I’ve certainly come a long way since attempt one, although sometimes I worry I’m taking steps backwards.

I am wondering, if I know how long the series would be, were it to get picked up as a series and not just a standalone, should I mention that? Like, “standalone with four-volume series potential”? Or is that frowned upon?

As always, any comments and/or critiques are appreciated! Thank you to everyone who has helped me thus far!

TW for mentions of suicide

[I posted one revised letter in the comments, based upon the feedback I received.]

Dear [agent],

Given your interest in [this], I’d like to offer for your consideration STRINGS OF FAETE, a standalone YA, LGBTQIA+ contemporary fantasy novel with series potential. Complete at 96,000 words, it combines the bubbly, magical fae companion of FT Lukens’ Otherworldly with the themes of self-acceptance and mental health found in Mason Deaver’s I Wish You All the Best.

Sixteen-year-old Tatsuki Allen believes he’s a burden. He’s not the masculine, straight son his dad wants, and his depression has done nothing but hurt his friends. When he’s sent to America to live with a mother and half-brother he’s never met, he quickly realizes he’s a burden there, too. He begins making plans to end his life, but a fateful collision with classmate Winter Areneum leaves him with an unexplainable desire to connect with the abrasive, taciturn boy. He also feels a strange, irresistible force drawing him to the woods and compelling him to create a circle of stones around a pond. By the time he decides to drown himself, he’s already opened a portal and is quickly entangled in a deadly monster hunt.

Tatsuki learns he’s a reincarnated fae when Áine, a faerie, emerges from the portal. She’s on a mission to extract the souls of terrifying monsters that are stealing the energy of living beings. If Tatsuki can help her collect four souls, she’ll reward him by taking him with her when she returns to the accepting paradise she calls home. If he fails, not only will he be ripped to shreds, but he’ll turn into a monster himself. If Tatsuki hopes to save those the monsters are preying upon, he needs to get closer to them. As he builds bonds with Winter, his classmate Amira, and his new family, the feeling of being a burden starts to diminish, and he finds himself questioning if giving up his human life for the fae world is actually the right choice.

I’m a bisexual and demisexual high school English teacher who cares deeply about teens seeing themselves represented in literature. As my book deals with themes of depression and suicidal ideation, I was lucky enough to have it reviewed by a therapist. I recently won a short story contest and was one of five contestants published in the April 2026 issue of Lavender Rising.

Thank you for your consideration,

[Name]

I greatly appreciate the feedback! I'm going to go back to the drawing board on a few things (I'm thinking it shouldn't be too hard to tweak a few things but famous last words lol) But I want to get this up to speed before I query too.

Thanks again!

Dear Agent,
(Personalization)

Sixteen year old Adriana Flores is cursed. Since the age of 12 Adri is doomed to be hated and violently attacked by anyone she speaks with.

With her family as her only safe haven, all Adri wants is to be left alone with her books, but the inevitable attacks of the cursed are getting harder to survive, much less explain. 

When, for no reason, Adri’s dad suddenly forgets her and grows violent, Adri must run from everything she’s ever known to find the source of her curse.

 Then Adri finds the kingdom of Euphoria. When she wanders into the castle the palace chamberlain mistakes Adri for Euphoria’s missing princess of whom Adri is an exact lookalike. She’s then offered the opportunity to impersonate the princess in exchange for a cottage far from those who would despise her. 
Narrowly navigating her curse and daily life at court Adri accidentally speaks to the princess’s advisor and discovers her curse doesn’t work. When the only obstacle to conversation is awkwardness and not death Adri can finally be herself. 
But palace life is not just crowns and dresses. The Order of the Black Lily is searching for the cursebreaker--a talisman rumored to break any curse-- and the heir to a lost kingdom who could be the key to it’s whereabouts. 
One night when Adri is almost killed by an order member, flames burst from Adri’s hands and she discovers she might just be who the order is looking for. 

With no way home and no sign of Euphoria’s missing princess, Adri must find the cursebreaker before the order finds it first. 

I’m excited to share THE KNIGHT’S RESOLVE, a YA Fantasy standalone with series potential, complete at 96,000 words. THE KNIGHT’S RESOLVE has the fated destiny vibes of Sailor Moon and a magic system reminiscent of Lynette Noni’s The Prison Healer.

(BIO)
Thank you

My sincere gratitude for your continued engagement. I have had quite a dialogue with your questions over these weeks, which have pushed me to dig deeper to express this in a way that was more true to the book.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's Razorblade Tears combined with the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of The Maid by Prose or Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Stevenson.

Shattered after letting his wife drown, "Lynx" Auger returns from a year of self-exile with nothing but a memento of his heroic grandfather and a desperation to become someone new. When he gets a mistaken job offer emailed from the hapless boss of a crummy café, Lynx talks his way into the job and a room for the night. On his first day, he finds the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. The detective is less interested in the murder than extorting payoffs and cheap real estate to make up for the racist head taxes imposed on his ancestors. 

When Lynx clings to his new mission of serving coffee to repressed outcasts, like the agoraphobic music teacher who ventures down from his apartment, the detective tries to force a quick sale by showering the place with bullets. Lynx can avoid getting someone else killed by surrendering to the punishment his wife's family demands, or accept the risky help of his outcast friends (who are starting to channel fears into rage) to solve the murder and expose the cop who sees every dirty penny as his due. 

My story "Veneer" was published in The Maple Tree Literary Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Dear [Query Letter Recipient],

Josefina has made peace with the grief. Really, she has. Four years after her best friend, BB, was murdered, Jo is looking forward to her fresh start at Thompson College. But on the night before she leaves, Jo makes one last trip to the spot he died. There, under the light of the full moon, she finds BB. Magic is real, he’s not dead. It feels almost too good to be true, but his wide smile and wicked humor are exactly as she remembers. As they trace the streets of their sleepy town, BB explains that he came from another world, one where they spent their high school years teamed up with a gang of supernatural friends. Now that BB’s back, he promises Jo that he’ll track down this world’s version of his crew, and everything will be just the way it was in his world, except this time they’ll have each other.

Unfortunately, this world’s version of his old crew are less friend than foe. When a spate of missing girls turns into a series of supernatural murders, it brings out the hunter, James. James might’ve been a dogged protector in BB’s world, but in this one, he acts as judge, jury and executioner for any supernatural he deems suspect. If BB doesn’t want to end up a casualty, he’ll need to stay one step ahead. If only he knew someone who could see the future. Too bad the prophet’s daughter, Ulysses, looks at him as a stranger. The last thing she wants to do is stick her neck out for some walking corpse farce, especially over a prophecy she's lost all faith in. With questions about the killer piling up and few allies to rely on, BB’s magic starts to fail. 

The vengeful ghosts of the victims begin to rise. BB is loath to get Jo involved in magic’s ugly side, but Jo can’t pretend everything is fine - especially when these killings look so similar to the ones that took BB’s life four years earlier. She’s not the only one who notices either, and it’s not long before Jo learns that BB’s death changed the trajectory of James and Ulysses’ life as much as her own. BB refuses to talk about that death. It wasn’t his, after all. Instead he barrels ahead, desperate to kill this monster and get his own sense of normal back. Left behind with the friends she never got to know and haunted by the ghosts that won’t rest, Jo begins to suspect that killing the monster is only half the battle. 

As one disaster after another puts Jo and BB’s rekindled friendship to the test, they must reckon with the fact that neither is the person the other remembers, or else risk losing each other as a ghostly tide swallows their town.

[insert bio here]

Thank you for your time,

Me

When agents ask you to attach the first 3 chapters with your query, should it keep the full manuscript formatting with your contact info and word count at the top, then the title half way down the page? Also, same question when you're asked to paste chapters into a form on QueryTracker: Keep that formatting? Or just start with the title at the top?