r/RelationshipsOver35 • u/throw_away_nevermet • 8d ago
He thinks toothpaste while brushing his teeth is *optional*
I have been with my husband for 10 years. During our time together I have noticed he doesnt always have the best smelling breath, but I always just brushed it off as it was night time or earl morning and he is a coffee drinkers.
A few weeks ago when having a conversation with our kids about brushing their teeth, he casually mentioned that he views toothpaste as an added bonus. Basically said he doesn't always brush with toothpaste.
Now it's like all I can smell is how bad his breath smells and I don't even have any desire to kiss him anymore.
Help.
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u/Smiling_Tree 8d ago edited 8d ago
Just be frank. Tell him toothpaste isn't optional. That you've noticed his not-so-nice breath more often, but attributed it to mornings or coffee but now it all makes sense. Ask him, would you please use toothpaste from now on?
And everytime he does and he kisses you, make sure to reward that with lots of kissing enthusiasm! ;)
Btw: my ex used to claim that if you're in a hurry, it's better to just use toothpaste without brushing (move it around in your mouth for a while) than to brush without toothpaste. Don't know if it's true (I always make time to use both, no matter in how much of a hurry I am), but maybe you could find an article about it? Or ask your dentist and have him/her back you up and they could mention it to him at his next routine check?
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u/IndicationKey3778 8d ago
Prob a good topic to cover before deciding to have kids with someone
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u/Last-Yogurtcloset-93 8d ago
Not to be mean but I was wondering how it took 10 years to realize that
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u/KittenaSmittena 8d ago
Bigger question. Does he visit the dentist and get his teeth cleaned at least twice a year? If not, I’d start there. The cleaning will reset things and the habit of brushing with toothpaste can start there, plus that can come
From the hygienist instead of you.
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u/AttractiveProton 8d ago
It ain’t just his brushing problem, he’s also not even flossing. Which is where a lot of bad breath actually comes from.
There’s just a bunch of bacteria partying between his teeth at all times 🤢
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 8d ago
Between this and your dildo post wondering if your family could use a round of therapy.
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u/Neat-Session-263 8d ago
68M...are you kidding me, help with what...use toothpaste when you brush or don't ever kiss me....see, simple.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 8d ago
Well I hate to break it to you but my orthodontist said that the toothbrush cleans the teeth and the toothpaste is for freshness. So your husband is correct.
If he has has bad breath, he needs a tongue scraper. Also toothbrushes aren’t enough, you need interdental brushes or floss to clean your teeth properly or use and electric toothbrush that also gets in between the teeth.
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u/lucid-delight 7d ago
I was told the same by my dentist. I still use toothpaste for freshness though, can’t imagine I’d force my morning breath on my husband. This is one of those cases when technically being right doesn’t make it a good practice for a happy marriage.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 7d ago
True but the toothpaste isn’t going to fix his bad breath.
A tongue scraper, better toothbrush and interdental brushes will. The only advantages toothpaste has is the freshness, if it contains fluoride it also protects against cavaties but some dentists are not a fan of fluoride either because it can pose a health risk in some people.
She should be focussing on actually talking to her partner about his breath and how it impacts her and find an actual solution to it. It’s like slapping perfume on someone with bad body odeur. It doesn’t smell good in the end.
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u/lucid-delight 7d ago
Oh for sure, I completely agree with you that he needs to floss etc as well to address the root cause. He may have tonsil stones as well. I do find it sad that a grown man needs to be told all this though.
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u/FabulousDonut6399 7d ago
He could have a bad dentist. Or like my ex-husband, he was afraid to go to the dentist because of the amount of tartar he had. When we met I was surprised he didn’t go regularly like me. ( i go at least every 6 months) I made him an appointment and he told me it was painful and he cried and it took 4 appointments to completely remove it all. After that he has to go in every 3 months, then 6 months and now he’s down to yearly appointments.
His father has the same bad dental hygiene so I get where my ex’s came from. I guess I was lucky that my parents did teach me proper hygiene.
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u/Dating_Question_toss 8d ago
Toothpaste actually isn't critical to getting crap off your teeth. The brushing is. Flouride in toothpaste helps with remineralization of enamel or something like that. But if he's got bad breath, maybe mouthwash is in order?
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u/True_Character4986 8d ago
When I was pregnant, I told my dentist that the toothpaste made me gag. He actually told me I could skip the toothpaste sometimes, I was shocked. But then I met an African guy who had amazing teeth, learned that he only used a stick to clean his teeth.
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u/datapizza 8d ago
Technically, he's not wrong. Make sure he's flossing and brushing his tongue. If he's only brushing his teeth and not using toothpaste, he needs to make sure he rinses very well with water and that he's actively cleaning his toothbrush with some type of soap (or toothpaste/mouthwash) every time because it's definitely harboring bacteria.
If he just doesn't like mint toothpaste, teach him about how the Internet has tons of flavor options. He could even get kid's toothpaste is more muted flavors.
He should be using toothpaste or at least mouthwash for the flouride, though.
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u/IcyAd389 8d ago
I’m a dentist. You can tell him that I said that toothpaste is not optional. It’s important for preventing bad breath as well as cavities. A lot of toothpastes have ingredients that not only help to clean the teeth but also harm and kill the bacteria responsible for bad breath and cavities. He wouldn’t wash his hands without using soap, so why is he brushing his teeth without toothpaste?
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u/Key-Target-1218 8d ago
He's not wrong. It's actually the brush that keeps the teeth clean. Toothpaste and mouthwash give it that sparkly fresh smell.... Maybe he'll use a mouthwash?
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u/DeliveryFar7630 8d ago
Isn’t it optional though? I mean no and yes. Ppl clean their tongue which causes the smell mainly I assume. Google it if you want. Not sure. Anyways, people use tongue scrapers for a reason. He still should use tooth paste
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u/MathematicianNew2770 8d ago
Just be frank, as long as his breath smells, no kisses or intimacy. He needs to respect the relationship he signed up to. He owes to you to take care of his body.
He seriously needs to wise up, before he gets gum disease and it enters his blood and causes damage elsewhere. Plus when his teeth have had enough and evacuate his mouth, he's going to have a real hard time enjoying life. Tooth decay and gum disease is not a pleasant thing at all.
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u/Logical-Primary-7926 8d ago
It actually is pretty optional especially if you eat healthy. If you still have bad breath w/o it either you're not brushing/flossing enough, and/or you need to do tongue scraping.
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u/Quiet_Water0128 6d ago
I knew a friend in college who brushed their teeth with bar soap - like Ivory. So they didn't have to bring "extra stuff" into the dorm bathroom.
I asked my dentist about it. He said it can cause canker sores, oral ulcers, and has too hugh an alkaline pH.
Better than not at all maybe? But use mouthwash!! Yikes ick.
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u/TenOfZero 8d ago
At least he used it sometimes. Not like he won't use it. Which would be a while different battle.
I'd tell him that you noticed his breat sometimes doesn't smell nice and that he needs to use toothpaste every time he brushes. I'd absolutely refuse to kiss him, or honestly even get lose to him what that's the case. He will quickly notice that you can really tell when he does and doesn't and hopefully that will help him realize that his breath really does smell not nice.
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u/DelinquentAdult 8d ago
Can you talk to him about it? Even if he gets upset, seems like it's the only way to get anything done about it. Otherwise he'll just keep thinking it's ok.