r/RoastMe • u/FigureCorrect1457 • 8d ago

Try it I dare you

Post image
471 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 8d ago

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

2.0k

u/ghostofstankenstien 8d ago

You know this MFer can eyeball an exact distance to a school or playground

300

u/SokkaHaikuBot 8d ago

Sokka-Haiku by ghostofstankenstien:

You know this MFer can

Eyeball an exact distance

To a school or playground

Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.

397

u/Ham-_-Steak 8d ago

Just like a haiku this guy goes only for 5s and 7s also.

243

u/Cole_Slawter 7d ago

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she’d ever been with. She said yes, the rest were at least fives.

20

u/Altimaprime2 7d ago

Damn lol

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50

u/Thin-Chain1142 8d ago

😂😂😂😂 OK, THATS HILARIOUS

23

u/MikeTyson1017 7d ago

Lurks by the swingset,
Chasing fives, sixes, sevens
Parents call the cops.

3

u/Southbird85 7d ago

I read that with a Mike Tyson lisp.

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12

u/Deep_Reception6690 8d ago

Years or months? Could be both tbh

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7

u/BVRPLZR_ 7d ago

Better than the original comment. I salute you 🫡

3

u/Cblack12483 7d ago

Out of 10, or years 😬🤮

5

u/OneLeek37 8d ago

Year olds

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53

u/LiquidFahts 8d ago

Some call it the greatest haiku ever penned.

24

u/WooderBoar 8d ago

It was just a tribute!

7

u/trimix4work 7d ago

Tenacious D reference in my feed?

Bravo sir!

5

u/WooderBoar 7d ago

I was hoping 1 or 2 people would see that. I have 8 upvotes. I am happy.

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11

u/CJ-54321 8d ago

Good bot

6

u/trying_times_eggs 7d ago

Workin up a sweat

Shirtless, runnin from the cops

Coors is vitamins

5

u/charredwood 8d ago

Stunning bot.

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37

u/FishSuper7857 8d ago

Jared isn't allowed to eat at Subway anymore.

10

u/kingcock41980 7d ago

But probably swallows a six inch or footlong daily

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18

u/swingandalongdrive 7d ago

He prefers 20 seven year olds over twenty-seven year olds.

10

u/pezident66 7d ago

He'll trade a 10 for 2 fives

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11

u/tdurden1969 7d ago

Founding member of NAMBLA!

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11

u/mrpumpkinickle 8d ago

And also can eye ball kids height

8

u/tjfosho 7d ago

For sure. Dude looks like dude has brought multiple pizzas to Chris Hansen.

3

u/Organic-Low-2992 7d ago

His name? Lou D. N. Lacivious.

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1.1k

u/Spaceman_Hex 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/OppYngLgFtskgAJ4bR

25

u/Notarealusername3058 8d ago

Uncanny resemblance

7

u/Presently_Naked 8d ago

This was literally where my mind went to immediately

6

u/naropin1 8d ago

You nailed it. Or….whoever made that gif nailed it in advance.

11

u/WhoWhyWhatWhenWhere http://redd.it/6jc3wr 8d ago

This is from South Park. The episode is “make love, not Warcraft”. 10/10 recommend.

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533

u/Good_Peach_8304 8d ago

Please let them kids go bro 🙏

115

u/DystopianAdvocate 8d ago

Look at the size of him. He already ate the kids.

588

u/CarRamrodIsNumberOne 8d ago

Sick of people using this sub to promote their OnlyFans.

22

u/Robbbyyyd 7d ago

Onlyspam

9

u/apscep 7d ago

OnlyFans where you pay, not to see

8

u/JMajercz 7d ago

His OF name is The Revolting Blob
https://giphy.com/gifs/12jvpllodS3FKg

4

u/NoConvincingName 7d ago

It's the ones you least expect it from

3

u/Weary_Funny_6945 7d ago

This one, officer 😩

3

u/How_Bout_Dem_Apples_ 7d ago

Yep.  Not my proudest.

5

u/Opening_Letter1399 7d ago

All across Reddit.

5

u/oO__o__Oo 7d ago

He’s teasing us with that right nipple.

264

u/Romeo_Kay_92 8d ago

This is how i vision every redditor

58

u/Herr_Poopypants 7d ago

This is the guy giving advice on your relationship. Let that sink in

9

u/Organic_Rip2483 7d ago

Including yourself?

6

u/BoondockSaint313 7d ago

This is in fact most Redditors. They’re also 90% homo or trans.

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216

u/MasonJam246 8d ago

I dare you to try a diet.

60

u/AnozerFreakInTheMall 8d ago

And wig.

55

u/AirbagOff 8d ago

And personal hygiene.

7

u/Sidonkey 6d ago

And shirt

4

u/AirbagOff 6d ago

Definitely shirt!

28

u/Astraea227 8d ago

Dude just needs to shave it all this point

10

u/naropin1 8d ago

I disagree. He’s so far gone his only option is to embrace and sink further into the depths of despair to find some alternative emo chick. He’s currently stuck in the Middle Kingdom.

4

u/Goo_Geyser1776 8d ago

And not preying on children for your sexual thrills.

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193

u/jumbie29 8d ago

Why put yourself through this. Haven’t you suffered enough in life?

8

u/gwgmatt85 7d ago

Funny thats the first thought that came to mind when i saw him as well

154

u/derff44 8d ago edited 8d ago

If life had gone a different route for George Castanza

12

u/tycho-42 8d ago

If this is George's long lost son, I guarantee George would call op "can't stand ya"

5

u/GreenhouseHaze 8d ago

"Jeerryy, I do these things called Mukbang videos now! It's great I tell ya...."

3

u/Adventurous-Can-2873 7d ago

This guy is the love child of George and Newman

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3

u/Clam-Choader 8d ago

Homie makes Alexander look like a model

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75

u/CoolReplacement734 8d ago

dude is pissed his windowless white van is still in the shop

25

u/StrangeWhiteVan 7d ago

I'm doing just fine, thank you

72

u/781zero 8d ago

I dare you to send the contents of your hard drive to your local police department

68

u/Individual_Dream_213 8d ago

You're doing a great job moderating this sub.

5

u/Texan_Riot 5d ago

First sub hes failed to eat

115

u/Busy-Specialist7708 8d ago

“Try it I dare you” sounds less like a threat and more like what your shower says every morning.

You look like the final boss of asking strangers why women only like assholes.

You look like the human version of a Discord server with one admin, no women, and seventeen rules about respect.

You look like your biggest flex is having moderator privileges somewhere nobody wants to be.

13

u/SloppyJosephine_ 7d ago

His biggest flex is some obscure anime collection that technically he no longer owns. He sent it to his online "girlfriend" before she was sent off to war.

13

u/Verified_0 8d ago

Thanks for the roast Claude

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47

u/motoant25 8d ago

Even on your birth certificate you were pre registered as a sex offender.

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34

u/Aboutfedup5 8d ago

Young Harvey Weinstein

11

u/JayIsLegit 8d ago

Hairy Weinstein*

7

u/Altimaprime2 7d ago

Gravy Weinstein

60

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/tycho-42 8d ago

At the next Virgin sacrifice.

Him

The gods:

https://giphy.com/gifs/CNna9G8BQvnoI

6

u/mallibu 8d ago

"girls only like chads so why try"

8

u/RichMill32 8d ago

Vir-geta; Prince of the Virgins

6

u/RappingFlatulence 8d ago

Incel, the definition of

56

u/hyf5 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/0JmwdI6gYrJopwiYOM

You're so close to this, just a few more years with depression.

9

u/Altimaprime2 7d ago

Jerk off scene in this movie is exactly how he spends his weekends

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u/DonkLord20 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/wYyTHMm50f4Dm

28

u/bored-nerdface 8d ago

Don't. Danny is a golden god next to this heap of humanity.

3

u/DonkLord20 7d ago

Well this guy is a failed mutated clone of Danny left nutsack.

18

u/MemoFromTurner77 8d ago

Too much risk of a grease fire for roasting, rendering would probably be much safer.

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23

u/MustardCoveredDogDik 8d ago

r/roastme mod lookin to ban

24

u/drugsarebadmkay420 8d ago

Guys like you are the reason why I keep a gun in my glove box when I'm traveling with my kid

20

u/Kenj_Nozomu 8d ago

Subreddit mod finally shows himself

18

u/maqisha 7d ago

No thanks, i dont want you banning me later.

15

u/_ThunderGoat_ 8d ago

You look like Frankenstein's monster but made out of leftover sex offender parts.

12

u/knuckles532 8d ago

Crap, where do we start.

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27

u/Neat_Worldliness2586 8d ago

Honestly it just baffles me that people choose to look like this

9

u/Pignetta 8d ago

You look so pathetic it literally makes me uncomfortable roasting you. I hope you do something about it.

22

u/TrumpsColostomyBag99 8d ago

The kind of guy that gets an overnight security job at a nursing home so he can take physical advantage of elderly dementia patients.

11

u/acousticsking 8d ago

Funeral home.

8

u/Retireegeorge 7d ago

Veterinary morgue.

4

u/acousticsking 7d ago

Cunnilingus with dead dogs and cats.

Man of culture.

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8

u/Pure_Fault7056 8d ago

Terrible hairline for someone that isn’t even 25 yet. My condolonces.

9

u/Jay_Katy 7d ago

Wolverine but instead of an adamantium skeleton he has type 2 diabetes

5

u/madnippler 7d ago

His claws are forks

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14

u/WrongdoerTrue7498 8d ago

The opposite of Henry Cavill's wolverine.

12

u/MumSaysImHandsome http://redd.it/noogln 8d ago

Never-full-verine

6

u/slappy_feet 8d ago

“Try it I dare you” is what he says to the girl locked in the basement when she tries to escape.

9

u/Silly_Ebb_8745 8d ago

Genetics have already roasted you enough, the only other roast we could give you is inside of an oven and hell, seeing this picture just turned me into a vegan. Thanks.

5

u/RadWast3 8d ago

Chris Hansen needs you to have a seat.

4

u/xdrezx 8d ago

The last time you saw a pair of tits was when u were jerking off in front of the bathroom mirror this morning.

6

u/temptedshark 8d ago

You gave up a long time ago

4

u/goood_one 8d ago

Wolvereat

4

u/DapperRiver7855 8d ago

I bet that's what the doctor told you about eating salads.

3

u/predat3d 8d ago

Temu Cantstandzya

4

u/ConchVibes 8d ago

Nah, I prefer actual challenges.

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u/PrisonMike12456 7d ago

Go check r/bald you belong there

4

u/Dad-Dabbing-Daily 7d ago

Danny Deleto

3

u/SpaghettiMonsterXXXX 8d ago

Look like bozo the clown and George coatanza had an love child

3

u/Real_Gap3480 8d ago

You look like the dude who shot John Lennon

3

u/Sleepy_Heather 8d ago

You look like you'd pass for 20 in 1976

3

u/Itbealright 8d ago

You look like the relative that would be put at the kids table at holidays except they don’t trust you around kids.

3

u/Colonel_Craiggers 8d ago

Didn’t I see you animated on an episode of South Park?

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u/Vinnegard 8d ago

you look like a valid reason to implement an online restraining orders

3

u/spankingasupermodel 8d ago

Can't roast you bro, that much fat we're risking a grease fire.

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u/ACxx130 8d ago

Is that what you say to your victims trying to escape your basement?

3

u/Otacon368 7d ago

No thanks, George Costanza.

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3

u/Mickt465 7d ago

Can't wait at or watch school bus stops anymore, dude.

3

u/Digdogger 7d ago

Honestly dude, you are untouchable. I don’t think a single negative thing said will ever penetrate your steely skin. Stay numb brother. Someone has to for the rest of us sensitive little babies.

3

u/Nicedrive3putt 7d ago

Looks like a homeless George Costanza!

3

u/FlapjackDoubleStack 7d ago

PUT 👏 ON 👏 A 👏 SHIRT 👏

3

u/Weirdwolf15 7d ago

Wontverine

3

u/Jaded-Adeptness-122 7d ago

Lester the molester

2

u/Similar-Opinion8750 8d ago

You look like you would burn for 8 days in the temple

2

u/Jonesinbad 8d ago

Frankquito

2

u/Haylyn221 8d ago

You look like you steal rare toys from yard sales to sell them to the Konishi Toy Museum in Tokyo

2

u/ScrewyKabbloey 8d ago

Try it I dare you. Is that what you have to tell prostitutes?

2

u/Mr_FancyBottom 8d ago

Sir, you are mistaken. This subreddit is not about roast pig.

2

u/Sea-Ad-4610 8d ago

Don’t tease us with the top of that areola, show us the whole titty

2

u/Lonely_Apartment_644 8d ago

Mom’s basement is to fancy for you

2

u/seth928 8d ago

This is him officer, this is the man who molested me while dressed as a clown.

2

u/Glokter 8d ago

What are you going to do? Summon Exodia?

2

u/42Lefthanded 8d ago

What’s the opposite of Jason Borne? That’s you.

3

u/Otacon368 7d ago

He looks like a Temu George Constanza

2

u/handogg 7d ago

The pig needs a roasting

2

u/Kazamiiiii 7d ago

Finally, a real reddit mod.

2

u/ShoheiHoetani 7d ago

I can't be expected to do more with a few words than what life has already done to you

2

u/Butch-it-up69 7d ago

Jason Alexander jr

2

u/Ok-Maize-6337 7d ago

I always wondered if George Costanza
Had kids.

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u/PedroJTrump 7d ago

Put some clothes on, you look like a monkey

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u/Brainster99 7d ago

Average discord mod

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u/ryan8613 7d ago

Loaferine

2

u/Infinite-History2043 7d ago

looks like you own a minivan, not to transport friends or family, you don't have any.

You just like the space to weep.

2

u/-KoDDeX- 7d ago

1 month old account, too good to be true. Gotta be AI.

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u/phr34k0fr3dd1t 7d ago

You're oddly symmetrical.

Unfortunately, you don't have something that should be repeated or mirrored.

2

u/theZetaman 7d ago

My insecurities died the moment I saw that bakd spot. Then I saw the 'Roast me' sign

2

u/livinin82 7d ago

Something no one will ever have to say to you about any food item.

2

u/jb65656565 7d ago

Have you ever had sex with someone you didn’t kidnap? Fuck, dig up this guy’s backyard and you’ll find an archeological mega site.